Dear Ash,
How are you doing? Did you find out about the Orange League yet? Gonna enter? It's a great chance for you to expand your Pokémons' skills and earn some badges.
Are Pikachu and Togepi eating well? I'm sending a fresh batch of Pokémon chow with this letter.
So how are you and Misty getting on now you're all alone together? Woohoo! Only kidding - I hope you're not fighting too much.
Man, Professor Ivy is a fox! The other day we went swimming and she taught me the breast stroke. If only I could stroke her bre It's really nice to be respected for my skills as a breeder - and the Professor and her assistants love my cooking, unlike some people I could mention. But I wish she appreciated my manly body and mature conversation too.
Her three girl assistants are a bit creepy! And those glasses...Their names are Rebecca, Jemima and Matilda, but I haven't quite sorted out which is which yet.
The island's Nurse Joy is cute too. I really dig the dungarees Joys wear out here. Maybe I'll invite her to come and watch the Vileplume dance one of these evenings.
I'm sending this letter by carrier Pidgey. Hope it finds you. I don't know where you are, but I think about you and Misty lots.
Your friend,
Brock
I know the Pidgey I sent had an orange crest instead of a red one. But that's no reason to try and capture it. You're lucky it still delivered my message after you spent the whole morning throwing Pokéballs at it.
Glad to know you found a new friend to travel with. Tracy sounds a great guy. But don't forget me, will you?
And you got a Lapras - cool! Remember they need quite a bit of salt in their diet, and plenty of calcium.
I'm getting on very well. Professor Ivy came up to me and said it would be great if we could do some breeding together. When I came to she explained that she had a strong Vulpix and it would be great if it mated with mine. Of course that's what she meant. Silly me. I'm very flattered.
Rebecca, Jemima, Matilda and I went up into the hills to look for unusual Pokémon yesterday. You know how Misty really freaks out when she sees a bug? Well Rebecca and Matilda were just the same with this Weedle we found. They were running round in circles screaming, it was totally hilarious. But Jem just picked it up in her bare hands! Apparently if you grip them by the neck they can't sting you, but you have to support their body too so they feel safe. Isn't that interesting?
I wish you'd been there, man. You'd have loved it - we saw a nest of baby Pikachu, and a Rattata with green eyes, and a blonde tourist in a bright pink halter top and really teeny shorts.
Your friend,
Brock
Thanks for your letter. I miss you too - and Togepi, of course. Don't worry about Ash, you know what he's like. I'm sure he was just full of himself after winning his first Orange League badge when he said you weren't a good trainer.
I think you're going to be the best Water Pokémon Trainer ever! I can just see you in a few years, surrounded by your Pokémon as you swim a victory lap in the water arena. in your tight blue bikini, your hair loose and flowing, water glistening on your shapely thi
Anyway, how dare you say this Tracy guy is 'as bad as me'? I don't go around drawing pictures of the gorgeous beautiful women I happen to meet. That's just perverted! I don't think he sounds in the least bit 'cute', either! He sounds more like bad news. Be careful.
Hey Mist, you're a girl. I mean, you're more of a tomboy, but deep inside you're a girl, right? Despite the clothes and the haircut and everything, you have those pink mushy girl feelings? What do girls like? How do I impress them?
Yours ever,
Brock
Head Office
Mallet-A-Grams Ltd.
Goldenrod City
That really hurt and I'm going to sue you. I can guess who paid for the Mallet-A-Gram and I don't think you should take orders from underage women. Especially redheads.
Far from cordially yours,
B. Gneiss Esquire
Did you ever fall in love with a totally unattainable woman, worship her from afar, long to be with her but become completely tongue-tied whenever she was around? Did your heart ever beat so fast you thought you were going to die? Did you hear the flutter of angels' wings as she spoke? Were you willing to lay down your life just to see her smile? How can I win the woman of my dreams?
Please could you send my allowance to Pokémon Research Centre, Orange Islands?
Your son,
Brock
Yo Ash,
Two Orange League badges huh? Good going! Make sure you don't exhaust your Pokémon. They should always get a chance to relax between battles. Professor Ivy gave a lecture just the other day on the importance of rest and recuperation to Pokémon in training. I was on the edge of my seat - she looks so hot in her white lab coat!
The girls and I did some spring-cleaning today. It was hard work, and I took my top off while I was sweeping. Then we stopped for a coffee break and I noticed Jem was staring at me really hard. I was afraid my fly was undone or something, so I quickly looked down and managed to spill my coffee all down Jem's front, so she had to take her top off too. Then I started to feel a bit funny and had to go and lie down for a while. I think I'm allergic to house dust.
Of course Misty doesn't fancy Tracy! Don't be silly! Anyway, why should you mind if she does? Hmm?
Your friend,
Brock
Thank you so much for the underpants. They're very comfortable, and such a lovely colour - how did you know green was my favorite? I'm wearing them right now.
Yours,
Brock Gneiss
Whoops, these are for you. Your mom mixed up the labels on her parcels. Don't worry - I have washed them, and anyway I only wore them twice.
Brock
P.S. I suppose you've eaten the cake your mom meant to send to me?
Please chill out. I could hardly read your writing, and in some places the pen had torn right through the paper. It's a free country, right? If Misty wants to cheer your opponent on instead of you, why shouldn't she? I'm sure she was only doing it to make you mad so you'd put in a big effort and win.
You sure are tetchy for someone who doesn't even like Misty.
Brock
To: misty_kasumi@cerulean.gym
Subject: flirting
From: brockrocks@orangeislands.pk
Hey Mist,
What do you think you're playing at!?
B *:)
Please send me one copy of your book 'Being a Babe Magnet'. I enclose $10.
Yours sincerely,
B. Gneiss Esquire
I'm writing from the Pokémon Center. I kind of had an accident and I have to stay in bed for a few days. Don't worry about me though. There isn't a hospital on the island so I get to be looked after by Nurse Joy!!
It happened like this.
After I read about your Pokémon Wave Race with Sissy I decided I wanted to learn to ride water Pokémon too. So on my afternoon off I went to the bay where Professor Ivy keeps her Gyarados. I'd fed Gyarados lots of times so I figured it would recognise me. I called it over and gave it some fish flavour Pokémon chow, then I climbed on its back.
Gyarados just sat there, so I gave it a little kick to encourage it. The next thing I knew it was plunging around like an Arbok on acid. I heard Prof Ivy whistling to try and control it, then my hands slipped and I went flying. Luckily a tree broke my fall. Unluckily the branch broke and I fell ten feet and went splat. Then a coconut hit me on the head.
I must have been knocked silly, cos I could swear I heard a girl's voice saying "Brock, please be OK! I love you!" But when I opened my eyes there was only Jem there. All this time Gyarados was plunging about and roaring. Jem must really care about Pokémon; she was in tears! I said I was really sorry and I didn't think I'd damaged Gyarados at all, but she cried even harder and wouldn't speak to me. Boy did I feel bad.
Must go. Nurse Joy is walking towards the bed and she's smiling at me!!
B.
To: ketchum_family@pallet.net
Subject: ouchies!!!
From: brockrocks@orangeislands.com
Turned out Nurse Joy was coming to give me an injection.
B *:(~
Thank you so much for the lovely grapes and flowers. I didn't know you cared.
Love,
Brocky
I really really need to have a father-son talk about growing up and stuff.
Thank you for sending on my allowance. I am having a lovely time and learning lots. No I'm not getting into any trouble. No I don't have a girlfriend yet.
Brock
Dear 'Mr. Romeo',
I am writing to tell you how completely useless your book 'Being a Babe Magnet' is. What a total waste of ten bucks. You should be ashamed of yourself for raising an innocent young boy's hopes like that.
When I tried speaking in a deep, sexy voice, Prof the object of my affections offered me throat sweets.
I gave her roses and she started conducting an experiment to see if Butterfree like the red or white ones better.
I already make her dinner every night, but if it's candle-lit she just asks if there's a problem with the electricity.
You suck.
Sincerely not yours ever,
B. Gneiss Esquire
There's going to be a happy event around here! I finally asked Professor Ivy to marry me!!
No, only kidding...sadly. But it's the next best thing: my Vulpix is gonna have her Vulpix's babies! Do you think it will bring us closer together?
I wonder whether Pikachu is male or female - what do you think? Sometimes Pikachu's short-tempered like Misty, so maybe it's a girl. But at other times it's stubborn like you. Hey, if you and Mist had a baby it might turn out like Pikachu! Ha ha!
You know, I think Pikachu is so smart because you talk to it lots. Professor Ivy gave a lecture on 'People and Pokemon' and she said talking to your Pokemon forms a really strong bond with it.
Jem came to the lecture too and sat next to me. We arrived late and had to squash up at the back, and her leg kept brushing against mine. She kept staring at me, and I felt really bad about taking up too much space, though I was doing my best to keep still. Not that it's easy with Professor Ivy around. I just wanted to leap up and declare my love for her.
I thought Jem hadn't heard too much of the lecture as she couldn't concentrate at all, what with the leg thing, but a few hours later I found her sitting with my Vulpix on her lap, whispering into its ear. When I came in she went bright red and ran off, though you'd think she would've remembered that I was at the talk too!
Brock
Head Office
Mallet-A-Grams Ltd.
Goldenrod City
I warned you.
B. Gneiss (and his killer Pokémon)
To: ketchum_family@pallet.net
Cc: misty_kasumi@cerulean.gym
Subject: Hey guys!!
Guess what!?
Dear Guys,
You were both utterly wrong. And Misty, your guess was just disgusting! I'd never have thought it of a nice girl like you. Anyway.
Vulpix had her cubs! I woke up in the middle of the night and heard a noise. I thought it might be burglars, so I grabbed a mop and headed downstairs. Pretty risky I know, but it's my job to protect Professor Ivy at all costs. OK, my job is to cook and clean for Professor Ivy. But I feel I ought to do other stuff for her too.
As I turned the corner I ran straight into a mysterious shadowy figure. I screamed and dropped the mop. The M.S.F. screamed too - it was only Jem all along, looking totally different without her glasses and with her hair loose (it's quite long). We could still hear a noise, though. I offered to hold Jem's hand, in case she was scared, and she grabbed it and held on tight; she must have been really frightened!
We tiptoed into the kitchen and there we found Vulpix and her new litter of four, curled up together in a basket. The cubs were squeaking, that was what we'd heard. We both knelt down to look.
Jem said: "Oh Brock, aren't they sweet?"
I said: "Not as sweet as you."
I swear I don't know where that came from. I mean, I spend hours trying to think up things to say to women, and then the perfect chat-up line just jumps out of my mouth, and I say it to Jem of all people! I went bright red - good job it was dark - and started to apologise, but I found my mouth was occupied because Jem was kissing me right on it.
I don't know how long we were kissing - how long is it physically possible to hold your breath anyway? - but when we stopped, Jem told me she'd liked me ever since I arrived.
Jem, a GIRL, liked me, BROCK.
And you know what? I liked her too! Why had I been chasing after remote, inaccessible figures of authority like Professor Ivy and Nurse Joy, when true love was right in front of my nose? I'm sure Freud would have something to say about it.
Still, that doesn't matter now. We're going out. We're taking it slowly, getting to know each other, expanding our horizons. Learning how wonderful it can be to care for another person. Walking hand in hand along a beach in the moonlight. Whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. I think I'm falling in love.
Brock, the happiest boy in the Orange Islands
P.S. I got a girlfriend before Ash! I got a girlfriend before Ash! Neener neener!
Dear Ash,
HA! I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it!
Sorry about that. I had to gloat. Well done for finally admitting you like Misty. And now old Brock's proved he is a master-smoothie with women after all, you come running to Dr. Lurve for help.
I can't tell you much, old buddy, except to follow your heart and tell her how you really feel.
I'm also sending you this great book, 'Being a Babe Magnet'. It's got lots of helpful tips which I'm sure will come in very useful.
Good luck!
Brock 'Doctor Lurve' Gneiss, Esquire