Chapter: 21
“….” Everyone was in complete silence. They all just stared at me like I was a mutant child or worse.
“Heh heh, hi?” I said quietly. Still no one said anything, the awkward hush still went on and on, seeming like it wouldn’t end in an eternity. Bum…bum…bum…bum…bum…I hummed in my head to the tune of the funeral anthem.
“How could you, Ash?” Misty murmured, “do you know how much pain I’ve gone through the last few months? Guilt, anger, distress, hate…. ”
“Yeah, and leaving like you did last time, I felt so guilty that I had a huge part in that. So all my feelings recently were guilt, guilt and guilt. And you put me through that.” Alec shared firmly.
“You’ve put us all through so much pain, Ash, especially Misty.” Everyone nodded as tears welled up in my eyes and spilled to my cheek.
“Is that all you thought about?” I croaked. Confusion spread each of their faces. “Is that all?!” No one nodded; no one shook his or her head either. “Then what else have you thought of?” I yelled. “Nothing, huh?”
“Well…” Brock uttered. I stared into his eyes with all the rage I could sum up.
“Well what?!” I shouted to him!
“Well…nothing.”
“I thought so!” My fist shook with anger and my eyes were the rain of a hurricane. “I not only put you through months of pain, but I put myself through pain that must’ve been many times worse! Knowing that I probably left each of you scars in your hearts emotionally, insulted you, and knowing how pathetic I was leaving you and running from my problems! I feel like a waste of life! I’ve thought about suicide, or hurting myself, I’ve thought about ending my journey and going home! But then Kara and Pikachu were always there to help me through it! Never like you were!”
They all stared in shock, I was ready to break down and collapse on the floor, my breaths were short, and my face was hot and tears ran down my cheeks. And I did just what I felt; I fell to the floor and burst out with more tears.
I could hear Misty murmur, “…Oh my god…” as she excited the area instantly.
“I don’t know what to say, I really don’t.”
“Yeah well you shouldn’t! Get the hell away from me! Just go!” I screamed, feeling embarrassed, harassed, and deceived.
“No Ash! What happened is not going to happen again!” The sound of Alec’s voice seemed to stop everything in the hall. I looked up at him, through my teary eyes, and frowned.
“Alec, you’re right,” Brock added. “We aren’t going to leave you again, we’re going to work this out.”
I couldn’t say anything. Too weak to move or speak, I just sat still, avoiding eye contact with both Alec and Brock. I hoped as my dearest content that I could just disappear. I closed my eyes and wished; nothing would happen.
“Ash…” Brock neared me and bent down to pick me up. “Come to our room.” He carried me without my consent, but I was helpless. I closed my eyes, blocking my sights from the world. I could hear the footsteps of Alec right behind Brock and I. I knew he was staring.
“Alec…stop staring at me.” I mumbled. I could immediately feel his eyes move away from me.
Brock stopped rather briskly, making my heart jump. “Alec, could you get the door?”
“Yeah.” The door clicked open and Brock moved again and then placed me on a bed.
I opened my eyes and glanced at the door, thinking maybe I could run for escape.
A firm feminine voice spoke, “I dare you to move.” There, across the room, Misty sat, holding her knees to her chest. Her eyes held the hardest look I have ever seen and her mouth was slightly agape. No face could make possibly make me feel guiltier.
“…Like I could….”
“Please Ash, this is no time for sarcasm.”
A/N – Ok, you may all hate me. I give you my permission. It’s been over a year since I’ve updated. Yes, I haven’t updated since I was 13 in 2003.
I really want
to thank everyone who reviewed me; it means a lot. I have to say, I’m not
really all that interested in Pokemon anymore and that’s why I haven’t been
updating. I know it’s my responsibility to finish what I started and I
sincerely will try to finish all I can. Thank you so much for your patience. I’ll
try to update ASAP. It will be harder since I am in high school now and am
sometimes loaded with work. Again, sorry for the wait!