Time, what’s the time you ask? How am I supposed to know? All I know is that judging by the sky and that rumbling feeling from the deepest pit of my stomach, is that I should be having lunch right about now. Oh but contraire, this idiot who’s telling his tale has forgotten the vital thing you need when travelling from one country town to a major city:

TO PACK HIS BAG WITH FOOD!!!!

Thanks to my insolence, Mudkip and I are now once again ravenously hungry. And we never even had any breakfast. How these legs can keep on moving is beneath me but I think what could make those limbs work a little faster is if this little blue beast straight from Hell could get off my head and walk like everybody else. Okay then, like me since I’m the only one here. There's no way I’m playing bus for a pokemon. Heck no! Yet still, I don’t want to even place a hand near it since it’s got these sharp little demon teeth it just so recently put into action on my wrist. Ouch. But to make the pain in my wrist go away, I just replay my first win in a Pokemon knockout match against Davina and whenever the memory of Davina’s gob smacked expression appears in my head, I start laughing like mad and the pain magically and mystically vanishes into thin air. Well just as I was rewinding to the part where Mudkip jumped and Zigzagoon crashed into the swing set, there was this awful wailing sound somewhere above me. I thought this might be Mudkip so I immediately strafed to the side and held my hands out to catch it, but this reflex … it was just instinctive and I soon found out nothing was actually falling from the sky.

“Mud!” and with that Mudkip leaped off my head into a nearby tree.
“Hey, come back here!” and then I chased after it to the foot of the tree it had climbed.

Now I’m not the world’s best climber, but if I do say so myself … I was terrible. There wasn’t a single foothold and no mater how tight I wrapped my legs or arms around that massive trunk I would just slide down and land with a bruised backside. I gave up the moment I made this very graceless backwards roll and hit my head on the root of another tree, and decided to just follow Mudkip by ground. A little blue creature shouldn’t be too hard to find in masses of green and brown right? Wrong, even through Mudkip is slow it somehow had gotten out of my sight. Maybe it went to the source of that wailing sound. Hold on, but where was that wailing sound? It had quietened down, and good thing too. It didn’t take long for the noise to start up again and I could faintly remember it from somewhere. This documentary mum had left on once, that wailing sound … was a Taillow’s! It must be a fledgling, and it’s trying to contact it’s family. But what was Mudkip doing then? Talk of the devil, there’s that little blue beast! I can see it through the masses of leaves and branches looking at me with that seriously annoying pleading look.

“Kip mud. Mudkip mud”

It’s amazing how many people think they can understand a pokemon’s language. Well I’m proud to admit that I didn’t understand a thing that mud fish uttered to me. But any fool could put two and two together to realise this pokemon was obviously trying to lead you to the problem, a.k.a screaming Taillow. I may hate pokemon and all but that was my pokemon up there that’s about to hurt itself by falling from that height, and it’s going to be my parents who will be having long talks to me about it.

There was only one thing to do at a time like this, and personally I think I should have considered the consequences before climbing up a tree and following a baby pokemon to a wild pokemon’s nest. A thousand things could happen to me up there ranging from me on a breaking branch to the mother Swellow returning to her nest and seeing a mud fish and human up there too. Well being my idiotic and dim-witted self at the time, I climbed up that tree trunk, conquered my fear of heights and followed a mud fish with attitude problems and the knack of being very, very nosy into the depths of the tree canopy and witnessed a screeching Taillow hopping on one leg, about to commit dreadful suicide. It was a hilarious sight to behold, seriously. Picture a little Taillow wailing it’s head off for every predator in the forest to hear, hopping on one leg with it’s eyes closed not looking at where it was exactly heading to – which is the end of the branch a.k.a it’s awaiting death.

Talk about being clichéd. I hate pokemon. I really do, yet you couldn’t leave a newborn alone to jump off the end of a tree branch could you? It’s like leaving a blindfolded toddler alone by the edge of a cliff, it’s just plain stupid!! So leaving a newborn Taillow in a deserted nest where it’s waiting for it’s death is pretty sad right? Well say what you must because I cupped my hands around the tiny pokemon’s body and placed it in my rucksack. Probably not the cleverest thing to do, put a crying newborn in a bag pack but hey I was desperate to shut this thing up and it’s the least it could do is go on low volume since I’m saving it from countless predators and a large bill from the Pokemon Centre. Still the wailing became muffled and eventually died down while I was carefully manoeuvring the bag down to the ground, clinging for dear life on a sturdy-looking branch. After long minutes of crying – that was me – hugging the branch and refusing to climb down, everybody was safely and firmly on the ground.

Now that that was over and done, the next step was to find some food for the wailing devil child. I guess Mudkip did a good job of preoccupying it and the two became friendly strangers and slowly mates. Now that Mudkip had found a way to keep it on mute, I had to do my part. Find food. Not easy when you've forgotten to pack your bag in the morning, I’m telling you. There were technically only two options:

Choice A) beg the nearest person for food,

Or

Choice B) keep on walking till you reach Petalburg or some other place with food.

They were my only options, pretty lame I know. Well I don’t know about everybody else but I gladly went with Choice B.

So I walked, and walked and walked some more. I walked for all I was worth until all my limbs felt like dropping off one piece at a time. Funny how I don’t see Mudkip walking, funny how that lazy little mud fish isn’t feeling the pain and tiredness I’m feeling. No, Mudkip’s just sitting on my shoulder now, asleep judging by it’s tremendously loud snoring. Apart from my lazy Mudkip, Taillow was perched on my other shoulder still on one leg. I couldn’t blame it for not walking or hopping or flying like everybody else, since I was presuming it had injured that leg somehow. I didn’t try to do anything about it, since Taillow was just as territorial about it’s leg as Mudkip was about me trying to remove it from my head. Oh well, I’ll have to adapt to this.

Other than Taillow’s uproar about it’s leg’s personal room-space, it was a friendly little creature that had this habit of cutely nibbling the lobe of your ear. Surprisingly it didn’t hurt, it more or less tingled a little. Mudkip looked a little jealous about this after a while and would grunt to itself and bat me with it’s tail on the sensitive part of my neck. My hatred for pokemon may be strong, but now that Taillow was my responsibility – since I had taken it out of it’s habitat and shoved it in my rucksack – I was going to have to take care of it like a mother would. I never was the fatherly figure and yet I have the closest thing to a newborn child, only it is blue and red and has wings and a beak. Still, the Taillow fledgling resembled a baby in some aspects – maybe not actually – and I couldn’t help but talk to it in baby language.

You know baby language, when you go completely gaga and you say stuff in a high-pitched whisper like ‘How is my ickle wickle baby doing today?’ or ‘Does little baby want more mashy uppy potatoes?’ I know I’ve watched other people do this to their babies and I usually stand there staring at them mortified like they’re from outer space and all but you can’t help it. And despite my embarrassment of talking baby language to a pokemon, it felt good. So I carried on saying stuff like ‘Aren’t you a pwetty lil baby’, just not saying stuff like that.

I know, I know. I’m turning pretty psychotic over this and I better watch out before I start getting into Pokemon breeding. But the thing is maybe, pokemon aren’t just pointless little creatures that sit there and annoy you constantly. Maybe they’re more than that.

Wow, I've already turned mad. I better get some food into me and fast too before I start singing love songs and handing roses to everybody I see.

~

Taillow is in the Pokemon Centre undergoing some major recovery on it’s injured leg and Mudkip is with me, grocery shopping. Yep, grocery shopping. I’ve got enough Poke’Chow to last but I really need ‘Human’ food. So I’ve brought the usual; bread, a bottle of water, peanut butter spread. From what I‘ve gathered, the ideal Gym to stop off at would have to be Roxanne’s in Rustboro City. Lucky me because I have to go through a forest called Petalburg Woods to get there. It’s a pretty big place that is home to a heck-load of grass and bug typed pokemon. I contacted dad about this via the VideoPhone Booths in the Pokemon Centre and he said it takes trainers the average three days to get through the woods. Well hopefully a big loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter will last me three days in the God-cursed wilderness. But from what I’ve heard, there’s a particularly hard-to-beat Gym right here in Petalburg, after beating Davina and not gaining a scratch from it all I am pretty damn sure that I can beat him fair and square. Looking at Mudkip I see the little mud fish stare wide-eyed at something in front of us. I try to follow it’s gaze, but just as I do it jumps of my shoulder.

“Mud” and once again, for the second time this day, Mudkip bolted off.

Why me? I seriously think this Mudkip is all set to ruin me.

“Mudkip! Come back here! I’m not taking home anymore stray pokemon!”
“Kip mud!” came that determined little cry and I saw it’s little head poke behind an arranged pyramid of canned tuna.
“Oh no you don’t!! Come here ‘Oh Stubborn one’!” I yelled, lunging for the Mudkip blindly.

There was a crash.
I collided into the pyramid like a blind fool and was on the floor, pelted by can after can. Good thing the canned tuna pyramid isn’t towering tall or there would have been some serious damage. A bruised shoulder and back was all I gained, and a sorry Mudkip returning to me with a still irritating pleading and now mischievous look on it’s sorry excuse of a face.“Right Mudkip from now on you are staying in that cursed pokeball in my rucksack” I said to the chaos-causer.
“Mud” and it began to rub it’s head against my cheek soothingly.

I had no time to think about sorry affections so I forcefully pushed it away from me as it attempted to mount my shoulder.

“Why did I become a trainer?” I ask the ceiling, “Why did I have to have you?”
“Mud?” and the Mudkip cocked it’s head confused at me.

“You really should take better care of your pokemon,” said a voice from above me, “And yourself”

I gazed up to see who the owner of the cold voice was and saw instead a tall strongly-built bloke of about thirty at a guess. He had black hair which was tinted slightly blue and an icy cold stare that makes you want to look away against will. His skin was pale and ghastly and he had this intimidating posture that looked like it wouldn’t soften.

The final thought that came to me was that he resembled Brendan by a lot, only older. Brendan too had that daunting look, but when I first met him sitting in that tree he looked more like he was in tune with nature and although he still had the icy stare like this guy in front of me, he looked a lot more gentler and sincere. Hold on, didn’t Brendan say he was the son of a Gym leader? And this guy looked like someone I’ve seen in my mom’s magazines … Brendan Norton so this dude must be Norman Norton.

“You remind me of someone little boy. What’s your name?” asked Norman unemotionally looking me up and down as I dusted myself down and stood before him.

“Joey, Joey McCaughrean and this is … L.B.M” I replied smirking at the hurt- looking Mudkip whilst holding out a hand for Norman to shake.
“Norman,” he replied in an almost sarcastic tone, “and what is L.B.M?” he asked glaring at my hand which I withdrew and used to scratch the back of my neck with instead.
“Stands for Little Blue Menace” I replied grinning as the Mudkip turned away from me crossly.

Norman sniggered, but not in a way that suggested that he had found my joke at all funny. It was more in a disgusted way that made me scowl at his guts, boy am I sure Brendan hasn’t inherited everything from him.

“I don’t believe in calling pokemon names other than their species rights” Norman said coldly.

Sheesh, I really am glad Brendan’s not anything like this dude. And boy, if he’s a Gym Leader that means I have to battle him one day. Guys like Norman want to make your skin crawl. Well let’s see now … Norman’s a Gym leader, I’m a Pokemon Trainer both battle for the fun of it all. Gym leader’s are supposed to have cheap, tacky-looking metal badges that you collect for bragging rights and well, the moment I made that deal I distinctly said that I would have all eight. And here’s the first badge-holder right in front of my eyes. Ditch Roxanne, here’s loser number one and he better prepare.

“Now if you really are the real deal Norman, than I’d like to have a Gym battle with you and get one of those shabby little badges the winners get” I said to him.

Norman raised an eyebrow at me questioningly and then shrugged his shoulders.
“The afternoon is fine with me, 2pm tomorrow. Be there” then Norman left me with the pile of canned tuna.

The way he said it … it’s like he meant it’s 2pm you be there or you don’t come ever, simple. Now usually during the afternoon and in three days of intense heat I wouldn’t be seen outside at all, but I needed this dumb badge. If I wanted to beat Davina again I would have to get all of those Gym badges before her. And today was my lucky day, just yesterday I beat her in a fair knock-out match using my wits and superior skills, today my team just got larger and what are the odds of meeting a Gym leader in your local supermarket?

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Author’s Notes: