Too Far?

By cultnirvana


********Chapter Six*********




The ceiling was beginning to bore her. She had been staring at the white expanse for hours now, analysing every bump, every barely noticeable paint stroke. Yet another night like this. She had to pull herself out of this, but she just felt so unmotivated, so unable to focus her interest upon anything. She had tried to train, to swim, to read, however, none of these attempts proved successful. She had finally given up and resolved to just let her mind wander.

“Hey, Misty,” Daisy whispered as she opened the door.

Taking a glance towards her sister before bringing her interest back upwards to the ceiling, she apathetically asked, “You going out somewhere?”

Daisy walked a little further into the room, posing a little in her new red dress. “Yeah. I have a date with my new guy.”

“That’s nice.” Her voice was still devoid of all emotion. Normally she would go along with her sister’s excitement, despite never having any interest in her love life. It would be too much bother anyway. There was a new man almost every week.

Daisy began to leave, unsure if she should speak to Misty in her current, unresponsive mood. She had attempted this several times over the previous week, since seeing Ash, but had kept it to herself. She wasn’t certain how Misty would react, but she couldn't hide it forever. She had to say something. She wanted to do something to help her baby sister. “I…I saw Ash a few days ago.”

Misty immediately sat up upon her bed, her lethargic state replaced by one of intense interest. “You did? Where?”

“At the supermarket.”

Calming herself down from her sudden reaction, she looked down towards her feet. “How… how was he?”

Daisy regarded her with a sympathetic glance. “As bad as you from the looks of it.”

“Oh.”

The truth didn’t seem to work as she had hoped. She had believed that Misty would perhaps be moved by it, maybe it would provoke her to call him and solve this problem. However, it just increased the melancholic expression upon her already fallen features. She felt like she was somehow in the middle of all this, between two seemingly warring friends, and the situation was beginning to grate. Why did they both have to be so damn stubborn? “Oh, God, Misty. Why can’t the two of you guys, like, just kiss and make up? You’re both as sad as each other. Can’t ya just say sorry?”

Misty put her hands upon her bare feet, beginning to painfully grip them. “It’s not that simple,” she spoke though barred teeth.

“Why not? So, you guys had a fight. I’ve had fights with my friends and we’ve always gotten over it. What’s the big deal?”

That was it. Misty was going through enough already. She couldn’t stand to just watch her sister act like this was just a little tiff. “It wasn’t just an argument. It was something much more serious, not like you’d understand. Probably the biggest fight you’ve ever had with a friend is over wearing the same dress to some damn party, so don’t even start to compare me and Ash to you and your bloody, preppy friends.” She jumped up from the bed, giving her a dark glare. “They are completely different. We are completely different, remember. You’re Miss Perfect, loved and adored by everybody and I’m poor little cynical Misty, the runt who ran away from home when she was eleven-years-old hoping to prove that she had some kind of worth.”

Daisy backed away, startled by the power of her sister’s words. Her sister’s temper was enough to make anyone tremble.

Feeling her eyes sting with restrained emotion, Misty sat down upon her bed once more. She wouldn’t cry in front of her. She hadn’t since she was a child and wasn’t about to start once more. He was the only one privileged to see her like that, and he wasn’t with her. He wasn't there to hold her, to calm her with a gently carress. She had to be strong in his absence. Inhaling deeply she tried, and almost failed to settle her rising emotions. “I’m sorry, Daisy. I…I’m just under a lot of stress at the moment. Things have gone out of control and…I don’t know what to do. But I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“It’s okay,” she uttered tentatively.

She forced herself to look into her sister’s face. “I did something and…and I hurt Ash so much. You don’t know how that feels, to have done something so…so wrong and hurtful to your best friend…to…” she turned her gaze to the floor momentarily, painful swallowing the lump that had arisen in her throat. “…to the guy you’ve been...secretly in love with for god only knows how many years. You don’t know what it’s like. I miss him like hell, but I can’t just ask him to forgive me, especially when I can’t even forgive myself.”

Daisy nodded. “You’re right. I don’t and can’t understand what you are going through. I’ve never been that close to anyone. But, again, that’s one of the reasons I can’t understand what is going on between the two of you now.” With a half-smile, she turned and reopened the door to the hall. But before she took a step through it, she turned once more, offering her sister a sympathetic glance. “And Misty…those things I used to tell you, that you were a runt and unattractive. That was years ago. I haven’t thought like that for years. In fact…I envy you Misty. You’ve always been stronger than me. You’re stronger than the three of your sisters put together. You proved that when you left home. We wouldn’t have had the guts to do that. And my friends…they don’t care anyway nearly as much about me as yours do for you. Especially when it comes to Ash. Misty, he cares so much for you. More than I think you maybe realise. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone more devastated. Well, perhaps you tie with him.”

Misty watched in shock as she left the room. Her sister envied her? One of the many people that had been responsible for years of self-deprecation actually envied her? Why? Why did everyone think she was so strong?

But then, that was the image she had always attempted to show to others. She guessed that over the years she had become great actor, able to keep so many people from seeing her true self.

Now, however, she had to prove that her strength was more than a façade. So far she had pushed herself to a certain level, but she still had a long way to go. She just had to push a little more, resolve some of the worries that had been running through her mind for the past week. Then, hopefully, she would be able to find out if her crime was forgivable. If this was truly the end of their friendship.

******************


Standing from the cushioned seat in the lecture hall, Misty pulled her bag onto her back and walked out onto the stepped passageway leading to the door. She didn’t even know why she had decided to go into her lectures today. Her attention was so far removed that she couldn’t even remember what the topic for the class was. She should have stayed at home for another day, taken some more time off, but she knew she had to put her life back on track, despite the anxiety that was looming over her. It was now the tenth day, the day she knew she had to take another step, despite how much she felt it was unnecessary. But she just had to make sure. As with everything in life, there was always a possibility.

“Hey, Misty. I didn’t see you come in,” Kaori called to her, pacing quickly up the steps to her friend.

She turned around, trying to draw her mind away from her thoughts. “I got in late and didn’t want to disturb anyone so I just took the first seat I saw empty.”

“Where have you been for the past week? I’ve been worried. It’s not exactly like you to skip class.”

“Suffering from the ‘flu,” she immediately lied, without conscious thought. It had been the first excuse to cross her mind, and before she had realised, she had voiced it. She shook her head slightly. She should have given her the same reason she gave her sisters, that she and Ash had had an argument. At least then her lies would have been consistent. But it was too late now. “I don’t think it has fully passed yet.” She coughed for effect.

“Maybe you should have taken a few more days off?”

“I was just worrying about falling even further behind.”

“Misty, you’re the top student in the class. Catching up with a few days work will be a breeze for you.”

“Believe me, things are never a breeze."

Pushing a bang of purple hair behind her ears, she looked up slightly into her friend's face, puzzled as to what she was trying to insinuate. Unable to read her features, she relented, trying to spark off another conversation.

As they passed through the university’s main door, Kaori recalling every detail of the previous night she had spent with her boyfriend, Misty allowed her gaze to drop to the floor, worry pervading once more. If everything was okay, then she wanted to call him as soon as she felt able to. If it wasn’t…well, then she had no option but to contact him that night.

“You heading straight home?” she half heard Kaori ask.

Not really concentrating she uttered, “No. I have to go to the chemist first.” Inwardly chastising herself again, she tried to gain some control over her disjointed thoughts.

“Chemist?”

“I…I ran out of ‘flu medicine. Need to pick up some more,” she said hastily, unsure of how convincing she sounded. “So I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay. And don’t work too hard tonight. You’ll make yourself worse.”

She smiled at her friend’s concern. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

“Yeah. I’ll believe that when I see it.” Giving each other a quick hug, they continued on their separate ways.

Feeling the foreboding settling over her once more after distraction had momentarily lifted it, she took a deep breath to settle herself. Everything’s going to be okay, Misty. Just get this one thing out of the way and then we can deal with everything else.

******************


Ash stared across the campus towards the steady stream of students exiting by the main door. Her last class for the day would have just ended, and he knew she always left this way. He shook his head. He practically knew every movement she made each day, and now he was using that knowledge so that he could just have one brief glance of her, hiding behind a tree. God, he almost sounded like a stalker.

But he had to just see her, if she was even at university that day. The agony of not being able to set his eyes upon her lovely face, to feel content within her presence, was emphasised by each and every second that passed. He had to at least see if he could quell his desire even slightly.

However, there was a more important reason for coming here today. He had to see how she was feeling for himself, and he could only judge that by looking into her face and reading the emotions held there. He wished he could just ask her, but for the moment he would have to be content with this.

After a few more minutes, he saw her emerge through the door. The friend she was with seemed to be speaking to her, but Misty had her eyes trained to the ground, seemingly deep in thought. Looking closer at her forlorn features, he surveyed them for any clue to her inner emotions. He could see the depression she felt, the vacant frown, the distant eyes, but there was still the intensity of life behind them. In the extreme of her previous depression, there was none of the passion. His suspicions after his talk with Daisy had been correct. She was taking his violation hard, but hadn’t fallen. Again he chastised himself for forgetting her strength, for thinking that inner voice could have taken over her once more.

As he watched her continue to walk along the path and towards the gates, he noticed a brief smile cross her lips, seemingly in response to the other girl’s words. Despite the sadness he could see behind the expression, he felt that same old reaction he always had when she smiled, a warmth spreading within him, a blush settling upon his cheeks.

As she left the campus grounds, treading beyond his gaze, he turned and leaned up against the tree. This had been the furthest he had come. He had tried to phone her, to call by her home, but he had just kept chickening out every time. He needed to talk to her, but he was just too scared. Too terrified of her reaction.

He looked down upon his hands, clasped together, shaking in tandom. He had contemplated that a glance of her could perhaps quell his emotions a little, but it just seemed to emphasise them, bringing back the sensitivity that had ever so slightly diminished in his mind. The mere sight of her brought his feelings of guilt back to level they had been that night after she ran from his apartment.

He had to do something, had to tell her how sorry he was even if she never could forgive him. He just needed her to know that he hadn’t meant to hurt her so terribly. But he didn’t even feel strong enough to do that. He was too much of a coward to even apologise.
******************


Entering the hall of her home, she quickly took the key from the lock and closed the door, ensuring it made no noise. She had to reach her room before her sisters seen her. Clutching onto the white plastic bag in her hand, she practically ran for the stairs, but before she had ascended far she heard movement behind her.

“Hey, Misty,” Daisy called while exiting the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, sis,” she uttered, placing the bag behind her back. Why didn’t she put it in her backpack to begin with?

Noticing her younger sister’s actions, she tried to look closer at the object she held in her hands. “Doing a little shopping?”

“Ah, yeah. Just bought a little present for Togetic,” she said mid-turn, before scaling the rest of the stairs. “I’m gonna show it to him, then do some work. See ya at dinner.”

As soon as she reached her bedroom she locked the door. Sitting upon her bed, she pulled the white and blue rectangular box from the bag.

Well, it’s now or never.
******************

Ash gazed over the hectic city, the sprawling metropolis drowned in both darkness and rain. The night was so harsh and cold, nothing like the day it had followed, nor the season it occupied. The ledge above him covered most of the balcony from the downpour, but the occasional stray droplet speckled his face with it’s dampness, the bitter chill it bestowed upon him somehow consoling. Bending his head into the full flow of the torrent, he allowed the rain to splash his face and wet his hair.

He thought seeing her today would make him feel a little more at ease. She seemed to be holding together, remaining strong after what he had done to her, and for a few moments that was all that he needed, to know she was safe from herself. But when she had left his vision, the instability of his mind seemed to return, and all he could think about was his actions that night and how much he missed her.

He pushed his head further outwards, numerous droplets hitting his neck, sliding down his back under his shirt. He just fully focused upon his emotions, his desire, his fear, his self-loathing.

He barely heard the doorbell chime when it came, almost indistinguishable through the noise of the rain and his staggered thoughts. Walking through the apartment, his bare feet and dripping hair soaking the carpet, he slowly pulled the door ajar.

“Hey, Ash,” Brock cheerfully greeted as he shook the moisture from his own saturated hair. Looking down slightly at his friend, he chuckled. “You get caught out in the rain as well? God, and it was supposed to be a warm and dry night. I guess the Natu’s can’t always get it right.”

Ash rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t mean to be rude, Brock, but…why are you here?”

Brock stared into the young man’s face for a few seconds, baffled as to expression he read there. “Ash, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten?” he sighed.

“Forgotten what?’ he asked, finally giving Brock enough room to enter the apartment.

“Oh, I knew I should have called you. You aren’t the best at remembering things. It’s Monday, the 17th. We were all supposed to go out tonight. Sure we planned this a couple of weeks ago.”

Ash shook his head, the memory of the arrangement coming to the forefront of his mind, battling through his other thoughts. “Oh, god, Brock, I’m sorry. I forgot all about it. I’ve…I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Pressure from above?”

“Ah, yeah. The preparations for the next Indigo League Competition are getting a little out of hand.” It wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the true reason for his absent-mindedness.

“I can imagine,” he laughed as he fell down upon the sofa. “There’s enough bother in breeding. I wouldn’t like to try my hand at being a Master.”

Ash made his way over to the kitchen area, breathing in deeply to settle his disturbed emotions. He couldn’t let Brock know there was anything wrong. What would his closest male friend think of him if he knew what he had done? Brock was as protective of Misty as he was of his own younger sisters. “You want some coffee to warm up?”

“Yeah, sure, thanks.”

He reached for the mugs, lifting the first one down from the shelf above the kitchen counter.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call to remind you. I though Misty would have made sure you didn’t forget.” At that moment, the shatter of porcelain assaulted Brock’s ears. Turning towards the din he saw a motionless Ash staring down at a broken cup as it lay upon the wooden floor, a heavy aspect of shock to his features. After what seemed like minutes, he finally reacted.

“Shit!” he voiced as he opened one of the cupboards, grabbing a dustpan and brush to tend to the mess. As he began to sweep the thousands of fragments, he studied his hands. They were trembling once more, each finger moving with a frequency of it’s own. He felt so raw, so near to the edge of his emotions. But he couldn’t lose control now. Not when he wasn’t alone.

“You okay, man?”

He shook his head, trying to regain some composure. “Yeah, just being clumsy as usual.”

Settling himself back upon the couch, Brock asked, “Speaking of Misty, where is she? She’s normally here by the time I arrive.”

Again, Ash froze at the utterance of her name. Any kind of control he had been able to govern over himself had seemed to have crumbled after beholding her fallen features that afternoon. Just her name could make him quake. He tried to concentrate upon his job, ignoring his friend’s inquiry.

After moments without receiving a response, Brock turned once again. “Ash? Ash, do you hear me?”

I need to stay in control. I need to stay in control, he repeated to himself over and over again. I can’t let anyone know what I did to her. “What?”

Brock was becoming impatient. “Do you know where Misty is? Is she coming out with us?”

“I…I don’t know.” He stood, throwing the contents of the dustpan into the bin before filling the kettle.

“Do you want me to call her?” he asked, motioning towards the videophone.

“No!” Ash shouted.

Brock turned once more towards his friend, shocked at the young man’s countenance. His shoulders were hunched, his hands gripping tightly onto the edge of the counter. He couldn’t see his face but for some reason he was sure his eyes were shut. He had never seen him like this before. “Ash, what the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, half cautious, half irritated.

Ash’s grip tightened, causing the flesh around his knuckles to turn white. He shook his head. “It’s…it’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

He wasn’t convinced. “Is there something going on between you and Misty?”

Again, the pressure with which he held the counter increased. It was becoming painful, but that throbbing was the only thing keeping him from breaking. “Brock, please.”

“Ash, you can talk to me about it if you need to.”

“I…I can’t,” he almost whispered.

Brock quickly stood from the sofa and made his way over to his friend, resting a hand upon his shoulder. There was something terribly wrong going on here and he wasn’t about to let the person he thought of as his younger brother go through it if he could possible help. “If there is something eating you up inside, you need to deal with it. You can’t keep it in.”

“But…I…I don’t want to tell anyone what happened. I don’t want anyone to know what I did to her.”

“It is about Misty then?”

Ash just nodded.

“What happened?”

Ash went distant for a moment, his vision becoming blurred with unshed tears. “I can’t tell you. I don’t want to betray her again.”

“I think if she saw the state of you at the minute she wouldn’t mind you telling me. Come on. Lets go sit down.” His hand still resting upon his tense shoulder, he directed Ash towards the sofa.

Ash sat down heavily, placing his head within his hands. "I've ruined everything." His voice was barely a whisper. “I’ve ruined our friendship. She’s never going to speak to me again.”

"What happened?" he asked cautiously. What could he have done that Misty would perhaps never wish to see him again?

He couldn’t hold himself back any longer. His mind was swimming in a pool of confusion, anguish and panic. He couldn’t control his thoughts, nor his actions. Before he knew it, he had uttered the line, "We...we slept together." He ran his hands into his hair, pulling his damp locks roughly through his fingers. The rainwater collected at the tips, then fell. Ash watched each one go, dotting the carpet.

"What?" Brock shouted in shock. “You had sex?”

He nodded. The secret was out. He just hoped he would lose another friend due to his actions, though he felt it was justified. But instead of rejection, he felt Brock’s hand go to his back, rubbing it in sympathy. It gave him the strength to continue. "The Friday before last.”

“Have you spoken to her since?”

Again, he shook his head. “I don't know what happened. One moment we were talking, the next we were in bed together. I…I couldn’t stop. And now she hates me."

Why would she hate him because of that? "What are you talking about?"

"After, I tried to talk to her but...she just ran out," he muttered, replaying the image in his head. He jumped up. "God, what have I done? She was looking for comfort, for someone she could trust, and I took advantage of her. I robbed her of something precious."

Brock contemplated his last line. "She…she was a virgin?"

"Yeah. So was I."

"God, man." He fell backwards into the cushions of the sofa, pulling his hands through his still damp hair. He had known neither Ash nor Misty had been in serious relationship, but he had always been unsure about this fact.

“I don’t know what came over me. She was upset, so I kissed her gently, like I’ve done many times before. But…but I felt something new in that kiss. When I kissed her again, she returned it…and, at that point, I couldn’t hold back. Something that I’d dreamed of for so long was happening. Years of love and…and desire blinded me to the fact that it was a bloody, stupid idea! And it was... " He stopped himself suddenly, horrified as to the line of thought his mind had begun to travel along. I can't think of her in that way! I can't! "I was in love with her before, but when we were together...I felt myself fall even further. My feelings for her are stronger now than they have ever been. But, that doesn't matter because she hates me for doing such a disgusting thing to her!"

"Ash, Misty doesn't hate you. She could never hate you."

"She should. I'm her best friend. I'm in love with her, for god’s sake, and in a moment of weakness I slept with her!” He looked down to the floor, trying to rub some of the tension from his temples. However, it didn’t work. It just cleared his mind enough to allow something he hadn’t contemplated yet filter it’s way to the front. With a more violent degree of self-directed anger, he kicked the coffee table, making his friend jump. “Damn. Shit! We didn't even use protection. What if I've gotten her pregnant?” He let out a humourless snigger. “I've really screwed up this time, haven’t I? I’ve betrayed her, and possibly ruined her life."

Brock shook his head. "Ash, yes, it was a mistake and, yes, there is a possibility that she maybe pregnant, but this situation isn’t solely your fault. She is just as responsible for what happened as you are. Misty is the strongest, most independent person I know. She would never do something she didn’t want to, no matter what the reason. She would never allow someone to force her into anything. "

Ash swallowed difficultly. He wished Brock was correct, but their friend knew nothing of how defenceless she could be. "But, Brock, she was vulnerable. I should have been able to control myself. Think with my head instead of with my..." he trailed off. “I mean…it’s practically rape.”

“No it isn’t,” he put firmly. “She consented.”

“But-“

Brock held up his hand, preventing his friend from continuing. “She consented,” he repeated even more resolutely. “I have no idea why, but she wanted this to happen as much as you did.” He stood, walking over to Ash, and placed his hands upon his tense shoulders once more. “You guys made a mistake. You can’t change that fact. Now all you can do is focus upon trying to resolve the problem rather than just punishing yourself for it. You need to talk to her.”

“I know, but every time I try to pick up the phone to call her, I…hesitate. I keep thinking about how she’ll react, how long she’ll go without hanging up. I’m petrified of finding out what she thinks of me now.” He closed his eyes, and drew in a long, deep breath. “B…but I need to do it. I need to sort this out. I need to beg her to forgive me…see if we can savage some kind of friendship.” He tried to swallow a sob, but it escaped through his lips. “But, if she doesn’t want me in her life anymore, I…I don’t want what I’ll do. I don’t think I can live without her. She’s more important than anything.” He reached up and brushed away the trickle of salty water that had fallen down his right cheek.

A little taken aback by his friend’s tears, he held his shoulders a little more securely, before offering, “Do you want me to talk to her first?”

Ash shook his head. “No. It’s okay. This is something I have to do for myself.”
******************


Sitting upon the side of her bed, Misty looked down towards the plastic object, unsure why she was even doing this. She knew it wasn’t really a possibility. The timing wasn’t right. She had no symptoms so far. Her period was still almost a week away. But that logic didn’t seem to level the worry that had come upon her over the past few days. She needed to make sure, just in case. Had to clear her mind from this before she could feel calm enough to undertake her next necessary action.

She glanced at her watch, following the slow movement of the second hand, passing the six, travelling up towards the nine, then, finally hitting twelve, signalling that the required time had passed. She hesitated for a moment before forcing her will, turning the stick over. She inhaled a lungful of air as she directed her eyes towards the results.

One line.

“I’m not pregnant,” she sighed in relief as she lay back upon the bed, smiling. “Why the hell was I even worried?” She lay there for a few moments, feeling some of the weight lift from her tired shoulders. But before she could begin to relax, it returned full force as she remembered the promise she had made to herself before hand. “It’s done now, Misty. Now you have to take the next step. You have to call him.”

She pulled herself up from her mattress to sit once more upon the edge of the bed for a moment, taking the time to attempt to conpose herself. Then, taking another settling breath she stood, making her way towards the videophone placed upon her cluttered desk. “I know I can do this.” Steeling herself with these words, she lifted the receiver, hit the ‘Audio Only’ button, and began to type the eight-digit number engrained into her memory.

As her ears filled with the shrill din of the ringing tone, she found some of her newfound strength flee. However, before she could respond to her arm’s wish to place the receiver back upon its holder, the tone suddenly cut out, to be replaced by the more penetrating din of silence.

******************

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