Sarah's Birthday Insanity Well, it's Sarah's birthday soon, so I thought, what better thing to give her for her 14th B'day than a fanfic? This contains some reference to drugs, but am I the kind of person to make fics with adult themes? Noooooo. So it's fine to read it. Honestly. It DOES contain loads of insanity, but if you've read any of my other fics, you knew that already. *** It is a new day on the desolate island. The inhabitants are weak and dying of hunger, and if they try to swim to another island, sharks will eat them slowly and painfully. They live their miserable lives full of fear and dread of the day ahead… but enough about the people trapped on Easter Island; let's see what the Pokémon are up to! Pikachu: NOOOOOO!!! Totodile: What?! Pikachu: I can't believe this?! Treecko got me into checkmate for the FOUR HUNDREDTH TIME!!! Curse you Treecko! Treecko: Meh. It's not that I'm good. It's just that you suck. Pikachu: TAKE THAT BACK!!! Treecko: Whatever. But next time you might want to learn how to play before challenging me. Totodile: Hey! Dannichu's coming! Pikachu: NOOOOOO!!!! Totodile: This isn't your day is it? Dannichu: Ack! Help me! I have horrible news everyone!!! Totodile: Kadabra is about to come?! Pikachu: Togepi has stolen the Disk?! Togepi: You're not in "Mission: Unlikely" anymore, Pikachu. Pikachu: We're in one of your fanfics?! Treecko: What is it? Dannichu: It's Sarah's birthday today, I completely forgot and I haven't gotten her anything yet!!! Treecko: That's it? Dannichu: Whaddya mean "That's it?" she's my best friend! I have to get her something!!! Help! Treecko: I have an idea. Dannichu: What?! Treecko: You make friends that are easier to buy presents for. Dannichu: *whacks Treecko over the head* I need help, guys! Togepi: Well, what does Sarah like? Dannichu: Pokémon! Totodile: Then we'll get her a Pokémon, then! Pikachu: Who's her favorite? Dannichu: Um... I think it's Swinub! Totodile: Then we'll have to get her a Swinub! Anyone know where to get one? Togepi: Nowhere! You can't find Swinub anywhere but the Ice Path, and that's ten days journey from here! Dannichu: I know! If we can't get a real Swinub we can get someone to dress up as one! Pikachu: Like who? I'm not going to. Totodile: Me neither. Treecko: I'm not. Togepi: If I was the last Pokémon on earth and there were no sheep. Are there sheep? *everyone stares* What? Dannichu: I know! We could get Cyndaquil to! Totodile: Cyndaquil? Where's he? Dannichu: He's still selling flashlights outside the Maze of Death. Togepi: And he'd really do it? Treecko: Cyndaquil would do anything for the right price. Dannichu: All righty then! Let's mosey! :::Outside the maze of death…:::: Dannichu: CYNDAQUIL! Cyndaquil: Would you care for one of my finely crafted torches? Only 48095- Pikachu: Cyndaquil, can you do us a favor? Cyndaquil: That depends. Treecko: Depends on what? Cyndaquil: On how much you're willing to pay me. Dannichu: I don't know; all I want you to do is dress up as a Swinub for a friend of mine. Cyndaquil: Hmm… give me a minute… Totodile: What's he doing? Treecko: He's doing something on a calculator. Cyndaquil: I'll do it for 34954749 credits. All: WHAT?! Cyndaquil: That doesn't include the costume I'll have you know. Dannichu: That much, just to have you dress up!? Cyndaquil: I'll take 34954749 credits and no less. I'll take more though. Pikachu: That's ridiculous! Cyndaquil: Do you want me to dress up or not? Dannichu: *sigh* ALL RIGHT! Here you are. 34954749 credits, you mrghll… Cyndaquil: What was that? Dannichu: Nothing! Now lets discuss what we're going to do! Togepi: See, we need you to dress up as Sarah's present! Cyndaquil: Won't she notice I'm not a real Swinub though? Pikachu: We never thought of that! You go off and get a costume from somewhere out of the fic and we'll try and think of something. :: Cyndaquil leaves:: Totodile: Now what do we do? Treecko: It's a shame we never considered Sarah's mental capacity before. Pikachu: And when translated into English, that means…? Treecko: It's a shame we didn't think Sarah was clever enough to distinguish between a real Swinub and a Cyndaquil dressed up as a Swinub! Togepi: What does "distinguish" mean? Totodile: I know! Togepi: What does it mean then? Totodile: Not that, you idiot; how to make sure Sarah doesn't recognize Cyndaquil! Dannichu: HOW?! Totodile: We get her REALLY drunk, then… Dannichu: Drunk? No; aside from being legally underage to drink, Sarah doesn't drink anything but milk or water. Totodile: Then we can spike her food… Dannichu *evil grin* I like it! What to use? Nothing illegal, you hear me. Nothing illegal or life threatening. Pikachu: Not even Heroin? Dannichu: You heard me. Pikachu: Nuts. How about we get her high on sugar! Dannichu: Now that's a brilliant idea! We throw a party and put out bowls of icing sugar… she can't resist icing sugar! Treecko: Shall I go and get loads of icing sugar then? Togepi: Yeah, Totodile, Dannichu, Pikachu and I'll get the party ready! This'll be great! Yay! ::Treecko leaves to get the icing sugar while Pikachu, Totodile, Togepi and Dannichu devise a cunning plan for the party::: Dannichu: Okay, so Togepi, you make the invitations and invite everyone we know, everyone who has ever starred in one of anyone's mad fanfics and the authors as well as all my Poké- friends like Nwacha and Sparky. Togepi: Okie-dokie! I'll go do it now! ::Togepi leaves:: Pikachu: So I think Dannichu should stay and decorate the house while Totodile and I go shopping for all the stuff that isn't icing sugar! Dannichu: Okay then! But hurry, Togepi's setting the arrival time for six and it's three already! Totodile: We'll be back in a flash! :: At the shops with Totodile and Pikachu…:: Pikachu: Okay then… we've got most things… we need a can-opener, a pencil case, a bowling ball, a mouse mat and a fingertrap! Totodile: Why do we need any of those things? Pikachu: Beats me. Hey! I think I see a fingertrap over there! It is! Totodile: What do these do exactly? *Totodile puts it on and gets it stuck on both fingers* Hey! Mudkip: I got an invite from Togepi and he said you're throwing a bash for Sarah later today. Is that true? Pikachu: Yeah, we're getting the stuff ready! Mudkip: Cool! Hey, I see you've got stuck in a fingertrap. I had one stuck on my fingers for about three hours once, but I worked it out in the end. Totodile *irritated* Well good for you, it must have been a HUGE achievement! I mean all you had to do was take your fingers out...Uhh... Wait a minute... My fingers are stuck! Mudkip: Uh… yeah. I'll be going now. See ya later Pikachu! Pikachu: Bye Mudkip! Well come on Totodile, stop playing with that thing and let's get the bowling ball! I know just the place to get one! Totodile: How the heck do you get these things off?! ::Two hours later…:: Pikachu: Wow, Dannichu! The house looks great! Dannichu: Well, I had some help… most of my Pokémon gave me a hand… *indicates to about ten Pokémon, all irate (save for a very hyper-looking Raichu and Swampert who are swinging from a light fixture), struggling to put up a banner reading "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"* Treecko: …yeah. I got about twenty kilos of sugar. I'll put it out into bowls for you. Pikachu: We got everything on the list! Togepi: And I've invited about fifty people, Pokémon and people/Pokémon mutations! Totodile: *struggling with fingertrap* Houdini himself couldn't escape from this thing!!! Dannichu: That's great guys, but where's Cyndaquil? Pikachu: He's not here yet, but I'm sure he will be; we paid him enough! Dannichu: I hope so, but when he does arrive, we have to keep him secret until Sarah's disorientated enough to not recognize him as a Cyndaquil; when at the end of the night Cyndaquil runs off somewhere and Sarah will have had the best birthday ever, with all her friends and her favorite Pokémon ever! I'm saved!!! ::One hour later, when everything (save for the light fixture that fell down and despite numerous attempts to put it back, most of which included baked beans, failed so the light was discarded somewhere out of the fic, but that's another story) is ready…:: Dannichu: Hurry! Everything's ready and people are arriving! I think it's Dragonfree! Pikachu: It is! And Chatsy! Terra (my Flygon, who is helping out): Yeah, Mew13 and Latios are coming from the back! Togepi: And isn't that Missing No.? Dannichu: May and Mark are here! I didn't think they'd be able to make it! Totodile: Stupid fingertrap… *notices Mudkip watching over him* What!? Mudkip: Have you got the trap off yet? Totodile: Oh...that?! I already got that off. It was easy! I'm doing it again. I'm not having problems. I almost have it! I'm working on it! What finger trap?? Go away. Xatu: Mudkip! I haven't seen you since "Mission: Unlikely"! Mudkip: Oh, hi Xatu! *wanders off with Xatu* Totodile: *phew* Now… how to get this thing off… :: The party is in (almost) full swing, and almost everyone has arrived; Sarah and Cyndaquil are some of those who haven't:: Dannichu: Where the heck ARE they?! They should both be here by now! Pikachu: Ooo… Dannichu: What? What is it?! Pikachu: Too…many…biscuits… *faints* Dannichu: Urgh! Togepi! Where are you?! Togepi: Over here, by the door! This is great! Almost everyone I invited has come! Only a couple of people haven't come yet! Dannichu: Who hasn't come yet? Togepi: Well, let's see… there's Mewkitty… Zizzo and Geneevee… Cyndaquil… Sarah and… Kadabra! Dannichu: KADABRA?!! YOU INVITED KADABRA!?! Togepi: Well you TOLD me to invite everyone that had starred in any of your fanfics! Dannichu: Oh well, he hasn't arrived yet so there's still hope. Come ON Sarah, where ARE you?! Sarah: HI!!! Dannichu: !!!! Sarah: Hi, this is great! Did you do it for my birthday? Oh thanks! It's the best present ever! Dannichu: *still recovering from shock* !!! Treecko: Oh, hi Sarah. We were beginning to think you wouldn't turn up. Yeah, this is a surprise party Dannichu had planned for months, just for you. But the best bit will come later. Why don't you help yourself to some icing sugar? Sarah: Sugar?! Where!?! Yay! *eats the entire bowl* YAAAAY!! Dannichu: *panting* … whew…thanks Treecko. Did Sarah come with Zizzo and Gen? Togepi: Yeah. Mewkitty's arrived as well. Dannichu: Oh, hi Mewkitty! What took you? Were you busy doing something creative? Mewkitty: Yup! Okay... My newest invention is GREAT! It's a Universal Game controller. It can be used for every single gaming console ever made. Like Atari, Nintendo, Master System, SNES, Genesis, CDi, Playstation, N64, Dreamcast, PS2 and Gamecube! Treecko: What about Xbox? Mewkitty: *whispers to Togepi* What's an Xbox? Sianne (my mentally insane Raichu, the one that was swinging from the light fitting earlier): DANNICHU! Cyndaquil's here! PIES!!! Dannichu: He is? Great! I was getting so worried! Totodile: He's over there somewhere. *tugs on fingertrap* This is like Satan reincarnated into a cardboard tube!!! Cyndaquil: Okay then! I'm ready! Treecko: Where were you? Cyndaquil: Selling my flashlights outside The Maze of Death of course! I might have missed some customers if I came early! Dannichu: Uh, right. Now you wait out here. I'll say when to come in when Sarah looks drunk enough. Geneevee: *sings horribly* …SENDING CHRISTMAS CARDS, HANGOVERS, RIGGING UP THE LIGHTS AND FINDING A CHRISTMAS TREEEEEE!!! Dannichu: Gen, are you all right? Geneevee: HYPER!!! Treecko: I think she hit the sugar too much. Dannichu: What the heck?! :: Dannichu and Treecko look out on the party to see everyone looking extremely hyper and vibrating from severe sugar rushes:: Dannichu: ACK!!! I think everyone's eaten too much sugar! Look at them all! Mew13: Why did the robot cross the road?! Zizzo: Why? Mew13: 'CUZ HE WAS CARBON-BONDED TO THE CHICKEN!!! Dannichu: Oh dear pie. *notices Togepi rolling around the ground in laughter* It wasn't even FUNNY! Treecko: *sees Sianne racing madly after a Swampert singing "When the Saints Come Marching in"* I think you've had enough sugar for one night. Sianne: What sugar? I haven't even touched any sugar!!! Dannichu: Don't worry; they're always like that, sugar or no sugar. CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! CAN EVERYONE WHO HAS NOT GONE LOONY ON SUGAR PLEASE COME OVER HERE!!! :: About six people/Pokémon come over::: Dannichu: Okay; Nwacha, Missing No., Latios and Loanlee, can you try to calm everyone on the left side down? Dragonfree and Jolty, you help Treecko and Togepi do the right. Dragonfree: What're you going to do? Dannichu *big grin* Get a sugar rush!!! And Totodile, can you give Sarah her prezzie? Thanks you guys!! Kweee!!! ::After several moans of "why me?", everyone goes into the mêlée to attempt to calm everyone down. Failing dismally, might I add. Totodile goes off to find Cyndaquil, muttering under his breath about the fingertrap ::: Mudkip: Hey Totodile. Still struggling with the fingertrap? Totodile: Leave me alone! Besides, Dannichu said for all non-hyped-up Pokémon to see her. Mudkip: And get trampled to death out there? No thanks. Anyway, want me to give you a tip? Totodile: Nooo... How about I give YOU a tip?! I've got to give Sarah her present. Mudkip: Whatever *walks off* Totodile: What a pie… I can do this thing all by myself… Oh, c'mon Cyndaquil, it's time to give you to Sarah. Come in! *tries to lift Cyndaquil but can't because of the fingertrap* Curse you infernal contraption! Cyndaquil: So Sarah's hyper enough, huh? Totodile: Yeah, just come with me, and dodge the flying debris. Cyndaquil: Debris? :: They enter the room and see all the Pokémon and people insanely hyper and leaping around the room and doing generally mad things. A couple of Pokémon are trying in vain to get them normal but they don't seem to be making much of an effect on the madness:: Cyndaquil: O…kay… Totodile: *oblivious to the madness, still wrenching the fingertrap* She's over there somewhere… Cyndaquil: Over where? Dannichu: Wahey!!! Sugar rush!!! Kweee!!! Hyper!!! Cyndaquil: Um… help? Dannichu: Cyndaquil? Good!!! Over here! Yay! Sarah's over here! Herehere!!! Moo!!! Sarah: Electrodediglettnodoranmankeyvenusaurrattatfearowpidgey!!!! Heeee!!! Cyndaquil: Um, yeah. I'm your birthday present; for one night only, you have your very own Swinub! Sarah: ASWINUB!?! Cool! Groovy! Dannichu: Hmm… I need more sugar! Cyndaquil: *being shmushed by Sarah's over-enthusiastic hugging* Ow! Painful!!! Totodile: I think I'll go somewhere quieter. Try and get this pieful thing off. I'm nearly there… yes… Pikachu: *watching from another room with Treecko (Togepi has by this time gone all hyper too)* Well, not how I expected it to be, but people seem to be having a good time. *gets hit on the head by a flying cactus* OW! Who threw that?! That hurts! I have needles in my arm! Ow! This hurts! Owww!!! Kadabra: *appears from nowhere* I hope I'm not late!!! Mwa ha ha!!! Pikachu: (BLEEP)!!! Not you!! Get out of this fic you… thing!!! Kadabra: May the Nine Vertical Pies send you soaring off to France where you will eat sand for the rest of your days!!! Pikachu: Yeah… that's nice. Please can you go? We're busy as it is, and we really don't want to have to deal with your insanity right now! Kadabra: Busy, eh? Mwa ha- Treecko: Stop that. It gets very repetitive after about ten fanfics. Kadabra: NEVER INTERRUPT MY TRADEMARK EVIL LAUGH!!! Where was I? Yeeees… Ha! Now to take over the fanfic! Pikachu: What? Ah well. NO! Chatsy, get OUT of the oven! Loudspeaker that came from nowhere: ATTENTION! I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM ALL YOU FOOLISH MORTALS THAT I AM NOW IN CONTROL OF THIS LITERARY MESS ONE MIGHT VENTURE TO CALL A WORK OF FANFICTION. THAT MEANS YOU ARE ALL UNDER MY COMMAND. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. MWA HA HA! Treecko: I was beginning to think nothing was annoying that his "Mwa ha ha", but I found that his constant talking in upper-case letters is equal in annoyance. Pikachu: What?! Didn't you just hear a word he just said?! He's controlling us!! Treecko: Let's go and try talking to him. Pikachu: KADABRA! Kadabra: Yeeees? Pikachu: Don't DO that. It's freaky. Anyway, I demand you stop controlling the fic at once! Treecko: If you were under his command, how come you were just able to say that? Pikachu: Hey, that's right! I guess you were joking! Kadabra: Mwa ha ha! Guess again! Treecko! Act like a chicken! Treecko: Bawk, bawk! Pikachu: Oh no! He really HAS taken control of the fanfic! Treecko: Bawk? Pikachu: What can we do? How did he manage to do it? Treecko: Bawk! BAWK!!! Kadabra: You can stop it now. Treecko: He was able to because Dannichu, the author of the fanfic, is totally nuts because of all the sugar she's had. Pikachu: All right! Then we must make Dannichu sane again! Or… normal… or back to how she was before the sugar. Kadabra: NOT SO FAST! *Kadabra freezes everyone in the room, like Sabrina did in that episode so they can't move, but can still talk for some unearthly reason* Treecko: Now nobody can save us because Kadabra will keep us frozen here forever. Kadabra: MWAHAHAHA!!! Pikachu: DANNICHU! CAN'T YOU HEAR US!?! REGAIN CONTROL OF THE FANFIC!!!! Treecko: You could also try talking to Jolty, Dragonfree, and Missing No. or someone; they're all authors too. Pikachu: Can't anyone hear us?! Kadabra: Of course not. They can't unless I want them to, and I certainly don't want that! Mwaha!! ::: Meanwhile::: Totodile: Hm? The screams seem to have stopped. That's odd. Maybe I should go and check on them. Nah, all I'd get is Mudkip giving me tips on how to get this blasted mechanism off and I can do it all by myself… HEY!! It's off!!! I did it! YES!!!! Now for a victory lap around the living room!!! :: Totodile tears into the living room and bashes straight into Kadabra who was dancing with his Lotad doll, Geraldine. There is a crack and both of them fall to the ground, knocked out.:: Pikachu: *un-frozen* Huh? Yes! Come on Treecko, we've got to cure Dannichu and everyone! Treecko: Why not Thundershock everyone? That normally works for getting everyone back to normal. Pikachu: Great idea! Dannichu, Jolty, Pikhu and Sianne, get over here! :: They all come over looking slightly hyped, Sianne with a treacle tart stuck on her head. :: Sianne: Mmmm… pie… Dannichu: That's a tart, not a pie you infidel! Sianne: How to you know I was talking about the thing on my head? Pikachu: Okay, can we all use Thundershock on everyone? On a count of three! Sianne: Why not a count of four? Pikhu: Three sounds better. Pikachu: One… Two… THREE!!! ::They all send a massive Thundershock through the room, shocking everyone out of their insanity, save for Sarah and the Swampert (who, not by coincidence is also named Sarah), who are Ground types and therefore unaffected by the shock.:: Totodile: OWWWW!!! Arghh! Do you have any idea how much that hurt?! Pikachu: Whoops. Dannichu: That was so fun! *notices the fingertrap has now been stuck between her and Kadabra* NOOOOOO!!! Treecko: Well, Kadabra isn't in control of the fic anymore, and Sarah is still insanely hyper so everything turned out for the best. Pikachu: Do you have any idea how clichéd that was? Treecko: From what I've seen tonight, I've gone past caring. Dannichu: Help MEEEEE!!! I'm stuck to an insane Kadabra!!!! Kadabra: *wakes up* Huh? Dannichu is no longer on a sugar high? I WILL REGAIN CONTROL OF THE FANFIC ONE DAY! NOT TODAY; NOT TOMORROW; BUT DEFINITELY THE DAY AFTER THAT!!! MWA HA HA!!!! Dannichu: Help meee… Sarah: WHEEE!!! SUGAR!!! I have a Swinub! Yay! Sugar! Wheee!!! Cyndaquil: That does it. OW! Next time someone- OW! asks me to dress up as- OW! a Swinub, I'll- OW! double the price! ::Meanwhile, the guests are all leaving:: Togepi: Bye! Glad you could come! Pikachu: Did you like the party? Dragonfree: It was… urm… interesting! Latios: I can honestly say I have never been to a party with as much excitement as this. Togepi: Hear that? They loved it! Dannichu: *struggling with the fingertrap against Kadabra* Well, I've learnt my lesson. Now, let's never speak of this again. The end!!! *** Happy Birthday Sarah!!! ^-^;; Hope you liked it! May all your Christmases be purple with pink spots! Um, yeah.