Quest for the Wine GumsQuest for the Wine gums

By Dannichu

Disclaimer: Do you think Nintendo would sue me if I forgot to put a disclaimer?
Don’t they have enough money already?

Dedication: Uhh...to...that door! ...And to Sarah the Swinub, of course ^-^

Rating: I, for insane!

Authors notes: Beware the ides of March...



Dannichu: It is a wonderful day in the Pokémon world.
Squirtle: *looks around* Who said that?
Dannichu: *appears next to the Pokmon* Its me, Dannichu.
Bulbasaur: Dannichu who?
Dannichu: The author, you idiot!
Bulbasaur: Sheesh, you dont have to be snippy about it!
Dannichu: It is a wonderful day in the Pokmon world.
Charmander: You said that.
Dannichu: Would you stop interrupting! *ahem* It is a wonderful day in the
Pokmon world *glares at the Pokmon, who keep their mouths shut*.
Dannichu: It is a new day, and all is calm. Little do they know that their peace
is about to be shattered.
Squirtle: We know now.
Dannichu: Will you shut up! Im trying to set the scene here!
Pichu: Ahh... Thats what it is.
Dannichu: What did you think I was doing?
Bulbasaur: Trying to bore us to death.
Pikachu: *sees Dannichu staring at Bulbasaur, fuming* Bulbasaur, can you just be
quiet and listen!
Bulbasaur: I would if she just got to the point!
Togepi: Pikachus right. Dannichus getting mad.
Bulbasaur: Ooohhh. Im scared. Whats she gonna do, turn me into a rock?
*Bulbasaur transforms into a rock*
Dannichu: He asked for it.
Pikachu: Dannichu!
Dannichu: Relax, hell get better. Now where was I? Oh yes. Their peace is about
to be shattered by the greatest danger they have ever had to face!
Charmander: *sigh* What is it?
Dannichu: Something...um...bad.
Pichu: Bad?
Dannichu: Yes. Very bad.
Togepi: How bad?
Dannichu: Very, very bad.
Squirtle: Such as...?
Dannichu: Well...actually, Im not quite sure yet.
Pikachu: Huh?
Dannichu: I havent decided yet.
Squirtle: What do you mean, you havent decided yet? How can you say its the
greatest danger weve ever faced when you dont know what it is yet?!
Dannichu: I just said that for dramatic effect. It isnt fleshed out yet. Give
me a little time; Ive got a lot to do.
Charmander: Youre just lazy!
Dannichu: What? Its hard being an author! Not just anyone can write a story.
You cant just replace me with some idiot off the street.
Squirtle: Youre right. It would take at least three idiots to replace you.
Dannichu: Right! That does it! *Squirtle changes into a rock*
Charmander: You have a thing for rocks today, dont you?
Dannichu: Maybe.
Pichu: About that danger thing...
Pikachu: Dont do us any favors.
Dannichu: Guess Ill go off to plot now.
Pikachu: Oh, Dannichu...
Dannichu: Hmm...?
Pikachu: *Points at the two rocks on the floor*
Dannichu: Oh, yes. *Squirtle and Bulbasaur re-transform*
Bulbasaur & Squirtle: Grrr...
Dannichu: Gotta go! Important meeting! *vanishes*
Pichu: So...what do we do now?
Togepi: Sit around waiting?
Charmander: Looks like it.
Bulbasaur: Why should we sit around waiting for that poor excuse for an author
makes up some...things...that we have to beat?
Squirtle: Good point.
Dannichu: *yells from clouds* Okay! Here they come! The greatest danger youll
ever have to face!
Everyone: *looks around*
Meowth: Prepare for trouble!
Squirtle: WHAT?! THIS is supposed to be the greatest danger ever?!?
Pikachu: Weve faced Mewtwo, Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres and Entei, and the
greatest danger you can come up with is MEOWTH?!?
Dannichu: Yeah, the legendaries were getting a bit... repetitive, so Im being
more original!
Charmander: ORIGINAL?!!! MEOWTH HAS APPEARED IN EVERY SINGLE POKEMON EPISODE
EVER!!! THIS IS NOT ORIGINAL!!!
Dannichu: Not true. He wasnt in the first episode. And relax; I can hear you
just fine in lower-case letters.
Bulbasaur: You know, Dannichu, youre one sad excuse for a human being.
Dannichu: I am not human! I am a genetically mutated species of human!!!
Bulbasaur: Riiiiiiiiight.
Meowth: Can I go now?
Dannichu: No. I have a brilliant idea!
Pichu: What?
Dannichu: Go down to the shops and get me some Wine gums.
Squirtle: Wha?
Pikachu: Why do you want wine gums?  Why us?
Dannichu: Because I ate all of Sarah the Swinubs and shell kill me if she
finds out Ive eaten them, and itll be a good story at the same time!
Pikachu: Fill me in, here. Why would anyone want to read a story about a bunch
of Pokmon searching for some Wine gums?
Dannichu: Somebody is. *points at reader*
Bulbasaur: *stares at reader* I have to tell you one thing. Get a life.
Dannichu: Get the wine gums, NOW.
Togepi: Why cant you get them magically? Youre the author. You can do whatever
you want.
Dannichu: Look up there. What do you see?
Togepi: The sky
Dannichu: No, off the page, up THERE.
Togepi: The title.
Dannichu: And what does that title say...?
Togepi: I cant read!
Meowth: Quest for the Wine gums.
Dannichu: Exactly! If I just gave you them, it wouldnt be much of a QUEST, now
would it?
Pichu: So true.
Dannichu: So, go to the shops and get them, NOW!!!
All the Pokmon: ...*mumble to themselves as they mope away*

At the shops...

Pikachu: Well, were here!
Charmander: Ill go ask if they have any. *walks up to till* Excuse me?
Kadabra: MWA HA HA!!! *sees Charmander* AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! The evil and
vengeful attack of the geography teacher from hell!!! *runs away*
Togepi: I do really not like Kadabra.
Squirtle: Lets just get the wine gums, and then get out of here!
Bulbasaur: I dont think this shop sells any!
Squirtle: Youre useless!
Bulbasaur: Any youre annoying!
Squirtle: Shut up and go away!
Pikachu: Will you shut up!!!
Meowth: There should be a question mark there.
Pikachu: What?
Meowth: In that last sentence. If a sentence begins with will, it has to end
in a question mark.
Dannichu: CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are the one-millionth person to comment on my
appalling spelling and grammar!!! And for your prize you get to see the
bottomless pit!!!
Meowth: What bottomless pit?
Dannichu: That one right over there *points to pit*
Pichu: *looking down* It's not bottomless.
Meowth: *suspiciously* What makes you think I want anything to do with a
bottomless pit?
Bulbasaur: *tugs on Meowths arm* There is a bottom. See!
Meowth: Where? I don't see it
Squirtle: Right there! Look.
Meowth: *leans over* I don't see...
Bulbasaur: *nudge*
Meowth: AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Bulbasaur: My mistake. It is bottomless, after all.
Squirtle: Yeah! Way to go! High five!
Bulbasaur: Whooo!!!
Pikachu: Sorry to inject a bit of sanity here, but can we just get the blinking
Wine gums and go home?!
Pichu: Theres a sweetshop across the road.
Togepi: Yay! Sweets!
Charmander: Lets go there, then.

At the shops...

Pikachu: *walks up to counter* Excuse me?
Totodile: Yes?
Pikachu: Totodile?! What are you doing here?!
Totodile: Working.
Pikachu: Okaaay...Do you have any Wine gums?
Totodile: Sorry, someone came in a little while ago and purchased our entire
stock.
Pichu: WHAT?!
Bulbasaur: Youre kidding! The entire stock!
Charmander: Who was it?!
Totodile: I dont know, I cant remember!
Pikachu: You cant remember?!
Charmander: You said it was a little while ago! How can you have forgotten
someone who bought your entire stock of wine gums?!
Totodile: I...uh...have amnesia!
Bulbasaur: Sure, who was it?
Totodile: It was...Heracross!!!
Bulbasaur: Heracross?
Totodile: Yes, Heracross! I remember!
Charmander: Okay, where is he?
Totodile: I forget.
Togepi: Isnt that him, over there? *points to Heracross*
Pikachu: Hes just there?! And you didnt know where he was?!
Totodile: I forgot, okay?
Everyone: *Walks over to Heracross*
Pikachu: Hey, Heracross, you dont want to give us some of those wine gums, do
you?
Heracross: No.
Pichu: Please? Wed really appreciate it.
Heracross: No, theyre mine! All mine! I bought them!
Pikachu: What is we gave you some honey for them?
Heracross *suddenly interested* You have honey?
Pikachu: Well...no, but Im sure we can get some!
Squirtle: Dont tell me this will turn into a honey hunt!
Heracross: Do you want the Wine gums or not?
Bulbasaur: Fine well get you some honey!
Squirtle: Where the heck are we going to get some honey around here?
Totodile: *pointing* Theres a honey outlet around the block.
Togepi: A honey outlet?
Totodile: Its not far, just go over the river-
Squirtle: And through the woods?
Totodile: Very funny. Over the river and on the left-hand side. You cant miss
it.
Everyone: *leaves shop*
Totodile: I think I just gave them directions to the pub. Oh well.
Everyone: *heads down the road. Soon they come to a bridge over a raging river.
A Pokmon suddenly jumps out in front of them, as they are about to cross*
Kadabra: Halt! MWA HA HA!!!
Squirtle: Oh good grief. What is it now?
Kadabra: Before the other side you see, you must first answer my questions three!
Charmander: Hey, what do you think this is? Monty Python?
Kadabra: Question the first-
Pikachu & Pichu: CHHHUUUUUUUUUU!!! *Thundershock Kadabra*
Togepi: Looks like he ran out of questions.
Pikachu: Lets go.
Meowth: *suddenly appears* Whatd I miss?
Squirtle: Meowth? Youre supposed to be dead!
Meowth: Dead?
Bulbasaur: I pushed- I mean, you fell into the bottomless pit!
Meowth: *sigh* How stupid are you? If you fall off a cliff, what kills you?
Squirtle: Hitting the bottom.
Meowth: So, if you fall into a bottomless pit, what kills you?
Bulbasaur: Umm...
Meowth: All right then.
Everyone: *crosses river, and come to the honey outlet*
Bulbasaur: Okay, lets go inside.
Cyndaquil: I dont think you want to, not without a flashlight.
Squirtle: Cyndaquil? What are you doing here?
Cyndaquil: Selling flashlights.
Pikachu: Flashlights?
Cyndaquil: To get through the maze of death!
Pichu: Maze of death?
Cyndaquil: Yup, right inside
Pikachu: Inside?
Cyndaquil: Yes indeed
Meowth: Now wait a minute. Why would a honey outlet have a maze of death?
Cyndaquil: How should I know?
Meowth: Well, how much are they?
Cyndaquil: 550,000 credits.
Squirtle: WHAT!?
Cyndaquil: You heard me
Pikachu: For a flashlight?
Cyndaquil: Hey, these are finely crafted instruments!
Meowth: I don't care how finely crafted it is, I'm not paying that much for a
flashlight!
Cyndaquil: Suit yourself
Charmander: Let's go
(They walk into the honey outlet. The door closes and they are immediately
plunged into pitch-blackness)
Charmander: Hey! My tail flame went out!
Pikachu: Shouldnt you be dead then?
Charmander: Yes, but no one seems to die in this weird fic, but anyway, I cant
see a thing.
Squirtle: Me neither.
Togepi: Its scary!
Meowth: Wed better get out before we get lost.
Bulbasaur: I guess he's right. Anyone know where the door is?
Cyndaquil: (opening the door) Right here!
Bulbasaur: *grumbling* All right, we'll pay you *hands over 550,000 credits*
Cyndaquil: Thank you.
Bulbasaur: Pikachu, can you turn this on? It helps if you have hands.
Pikachu: *clicks on flashlight, but nothing happens* Hey, this doesn't work!
Cyndaquil: Well of course not. A flashlight doesn't work without batteries.
Bulbasaur: I paid 550,000 and batteries aren't included?!
Cyndaquil: Sorry, no.
Squirtle: Grrr. Well, how much are batteries?
Cyndaquil: 100,000 credits.
Pichu: *sarcastically* Only 100,000? What a bargain.
Cyndaquil: They're on sale.
Squirtle: Fine! (Hands Cyndaquil 100,000 credits)
Cyndaquil: Here you go. (Gives Pikachu batteries)
Pikachu: *puts them in the flashlight but it still doesn't work* What now?
Cyndaquil: I believe it needs a bulb.
Squirtle: WHAT?! Bulbs arent included either?!
Cyndaquil: It would appear not.
Squirtle: Okay. You have exactly one second to give me a bulb before I
hydro-pump you into infinity!!!
Cyndaquil: *quickly* Fine, Ill throw in the bulb for free because I know you,
but dont tell anyone. I might lose my customers.
Pikachu: *puts in bulb and flashlight works*
Togepi: Yay!
Pichu: All right!
Squirtle: *grabs flashlight from Pikachu* Lets go then!
Everyone: *Looks around and see a number of corridors leading off in different
directions*
Pichu: So which way do we go?
Pikachu:  More to the point, how do we keep track of where we are?
Bulbasaur: Anyone have any string?
Charmander: No, but I bet Cyndaquil would sell us some.
Squirtle: Yeah, for about a million credits. Let's just pick a direction and go.
Bulbasaur: Maybe we should split up into smaller groups.
Pikachu: We only have one flashlight.
Meowth: Unless youd like to go back and get another one...
Bulbasaur: Lets stick together.
Everyone: *wanders around for about three hours until they find a door*
Pikachu: This is it!
Squirtle: Hallelujah!
Togepi: Yay!
Meowth: *opens door to reveal a bright room with four Pokmon playing on a PS2*
WHAT!?!
Chikorita: What are you doing here?
Charmander: Oh, man. Another Johto starter. At least this one isnt selling
anything.
Jigglypuff: What do you want?
Squirtle: *falls to his knees* Some honey!!! Is that too much to ask?!?!!
Clefairy: *stops arguing with Flaaffy over whether to play FFX or Grandia*
Honey? Youre halfway there!
Meowth: Can you tell us where to go? It took us a long time to get here, and
wed really appreciate it.
Jigglypuff: Sure well tell you!
Flaaffy: IF you can beat us.
Bulbasaur: You want to fight! Bring it on!
Clefairy: No, you Neanderthal. Not in a fight!
Charmander: How, then?
Jigglypuff: Why, at Dance, Dance Revolution, of course!
Meowth: ?!
Flaaffy: Yeah, but we'll be fair and let you all practice so you can see who's
best before we start the challenge. The best couple will go up against us.
Squirtle: How nice of you
Pikachu: I guess we have no choice. We accept your challenge!
Everyone: *takes turns practicing. When they're done Clefairy tabulates the
results*
Clefairy: Okay, let's see, Squirtle, you got 0 perfects. In fact, you didn't
make one step correctly. Congratulations. I didn't think it was possible for
anyone to be that bad.
Squirtle: Gee thanks
Clefairy: Meowth, you didn't do much better. 20 perfects. Charmander, you got 54
perfects. I had no idea you were so light on your feet. You'll have to take me
dancing one of these days.
Charmander: I'll get right on it.
Clefairy: Okay, Pichu, you got 96, Togepi got 104 perfects, enough for a B, very
good, Pikachu got 119 perfects and Bulbasaur got all perfects. Of course,
Bulbasaur, having four legs, just stood with one foot on each pad and bounced up
and down. I'm afraid I'm going to have to disqualify you for that.
Bulbasaur: Rats.
Jigglypuff: So Pikachu and Togepi, versus...?
Clefairy: Well, Flaaffy got 98 perfects, I got 104, You got 109 and Chikorita
got 117, so its Pikachu and Togepi versus Jigglypuff and Chikorita.
Flaaffy: Drat it.
Squirtle: I cant believe I was beaten by and egg on legs.
Pichu: Cmon Togepi! Come on Pikachu! You can do it!
Charmander: Yeah! Go!
Bulbasaur: You can do it!
Flaaffy: All right! Let the competition begin!
*Pikachu and Togepi win with 111 and 115 against 109 and 114*
Pichu: Yay! We won!
Meowth: Okay, we won. Now tell us how to get through the maze.
Jigglypuff: All right. See that door? You go straight down that way.
Bulbasaur: Straight down that way?
Jigglypuff: Uh huh
Squirtle: What do you mean? There are no turns or anything?
Jigglypuff: Am I talking in another language? No, there are no turns. You go
down that corridor. It goes straight to the center.
Pichu: Wait a second! What kind of maze is that?
Chikorita: Umm, a really, really easy one?
Meowth: So we did that for nothing?! We could have just gone down that
corridor?!
Flaaffy: No, Pikachu and Togepi did all that for nothing.
Togepi: *sticks out tongue at Meowth*
Meowth: Why me?
Bulbasaur: Lets go, then!
Everyone: *walks down the corridor to reach another door*
Pikachu: Okay, this should be the center.
Squirtle: *reaches to open door*
Kadabra: Not so fast!
Pikachu: Not you again!
Pichu: Go away and we wont hurt you!
Kadabra: Do your worst! MWA HA HA!!!
Pikachu & Pichu: CHHHUUUUUUUUUU!!!
Kadabra: See? I have a cloaking device that can protect me from any attack!!!
MWA HA HA!!!
Meowth: Can we get past? Please?
Kadabra: Only if you give me the spoon of purity, which you can only get from
the Queen of the Arcanine. But in order to get into her castle, you have to pass
the Piloswine Gang. You can only do that if you get the Cloak of Parity, which
is in the possession of the mad Dr. Hypno. He'll give it to you, but first you
have to give him the Chad of Clarity. You can get that from the haystack of
chads in Mahogany Town. But there's a guard there. He'll let you through, however, if
you give him the Shampoo of Oily Hair.
Pikachu: Oily hair?
Squirtle: Or how about we take his cloaking device and MAKE him move?
Bulbasaur: I like the second option.
Pikachu: Okay, we all attack Kadabra on a count of three!
Squirtle: Attack on the count of three?! Thats the best you can come up with?!
Pikachu: Can you think of something better?
Squirtle: Anything would be better!!!
Pikachu: Fine! You make the plan!
Squirtle: Okay...we attack...on the count of...five!!!
Pikachu: Okay, we attack on the count of five. Any questions?
Pichu: If a train leaves the station traveling east at 50 mph and another train
leaves a station 35 miles away traveling west at 30 mph, when will...
Pikachu: Sorry, Pichu, were not going to answer your maths questions now.
Pichu: Drat.
Bulbasaur: Everyone ready?
Charmander: One, two three four...FIVE!!!
Everyone: *attacks Kadabra, who faints, and steals his cloak*
Pikachu: This? Its a cloak. An ordinary cloak.
Meowth: Let me try it on! *puts on cloak*
Pichu: Can we go in now, Obi-Wan?
Pikachu: You watch Star Wars?
Pichu: Maybe.
Bulbasaur: Put down the blinking cloak, and lets just get the blinking honey,
so we can get the blinking Wine gums!!!
Togepi: Blinking?
Bulbasaur: Believe me, I would have put in a stronger word if this werent a G
story.
Squirtle: *opens door*
Heracross: So, you finally made it!
Pikachu: WHAT?!
Heracross: Yes, I own the honey outlet! Surprised?
Meowth: Not really. We read the script beforehand.
Dannichu: *whacks Meowth* Shut up! Youre not supposed to go and tell everyone!  
*vanishes*
Meowth: Ouch...
Pichu: If you own the outlet, then why did you send us here?
Heracross: Totodile did!!! Not me!!! MWA HA HA!!!
Bulbasaur: Mwa ha ha? Oh no...
Squirtle: Not you...
Heracross: Yes! I fooled you!!! It is not Heracross!!! It is- *whips off
costume*
Everyone: NOOO!!!
Kadabra: ME!!!!!!!!
Togepi: How many places can you be in at once?!
Kadabra: A lot. MWA HA HA!!!
Squirtle: That is getting REALLY annoying!
Pichu: Can we just thunderbolt him again?
Pikachu: Yes, come on!
Pikachu & Pichu: CHHHUUUUUUUUUU!!!
Kadabra: *Falls unconscious*
Charmander: Okay, the honey...find some honey!
Bulbasaur: I see some! *runs over to honey pot* ACK! *someone grabs honey off
him*
Winnie-the-Pooh: My honey! Mine!
Pikachu: For the love of pie... Pichu, get over here.
Pikachu & Pichu: CHHHUUUUUUUUUU!!!
Winnie-the-Pooh: *falls down to the ground*
(Dannichu: Sorry to all you Pooh Bear fans out there. I dont like him. Oh yeah,
dont sue me for putting him in this fic, either!)
Pikachu: *Grabs honey* Lets get back to Heracross! Before something else comes
along!
Squirtle: Hey! Theres a back door here! *opens it* Oh man! We could have just
gone in here in the first place!
Pikachu: Sheesh... Why do I have to be in this fic? I could be a regular, normal,
untalking Pokmon in Butterfrees story! Why did I have to be mutated by
Dannichu?!
Dannichu: Hey! Youre my favorite Pokmon! I couldnt make a fic without you!
Pikachu: Gee, thanks, I think.
Bulbasaur: Lets get back to Heracross, get the wine gums and give them to
Dannichu!
Pichu: Okay, back to the sweetshop!
Meowth: We need to go around to the front.
Everyone: *walks to the front of honey outlet*
Squirtle: Wow! Who would believe that its that big inside!? It looks tiny out
here!
Cyndaquil: Did you survive the maze of death?
Bulbasaur: Hmmm...gimmie a minute to think about that one...tough... WELL DUH!!!
Togepi: Theres the bridge!
Pichu: Lets go, and hope that Heracross is still waiting for us!
Everyone: *crosses bridge and arrives at sweetshop*
Totodile: Hello, and who might you be?
Pikachu: Wow, this guy has bad amnesia.
Heracross: What took you?
Squirtle: Not much, only a psycho Kadabra, a maze of death, a challenge on
Dance, Dance revolution and Winnie-the-Pooh, but other than that, not much!!!
Heracross: so I assume you go the honey in the end?
Pikachu: Yes! Here you go! Now can we have the Wine gums?! PLEASE?!
Heracross: Sure, here! *hands over Wine gums*
Charmander: Thank you!!!
Meowth: Wed better get back to Dannichu before Sarah the Swinub does!
Dannichu: *teleports them to her* So, did you get them?!
Pikachu: *practically throws them into Dannichus hands* YES!!! HERE YOU ARE!!!
Squirtle: And...Dannichu...
Dannichu: Yes...?
Squirtle: DONT EVER ASK US TO DO THAT AGAIN!!!
Dannichu: I wont dont worry...Hey! Sarahs coming! You have to go!
Charmander: Thats our thanks?
Dannichu: What do you want? A medal? Get lost! If she sees you, youll have done
all that for nothing!
All the Pokmon: *glare at Dannichu as they leave*
Sarah the Swinub: Hi Dannichu!
Dannichu: Hey, Sarah.
Sarah the Swinub: Wow, Im hungry. You dont know where my wine gums are do you?
Dannichu: Theyre just there *points at table*
Sarah the Swinub: Thanks, want one?
Dannichu: Ill pass.
Sarah the Swinub: Yuck! Theses taste like theyre about a week old! What did you do to
them?!
Dannichu: Nothing!
Sarah the Swinub: Yes you did! *chases Dannichu*
Dannichu: ACK!
All the Pokmon: *watch, while trying not to laugh*
Squirtle: Well, that worked.
Pikachu: Who would have guessed what adding a little honey and tar to Wine gums
would do?


The End.

Wow, that was fun! Im running out of ideas for mad stories now, so if anyone
has any ideas or any twenty or so phrases (see Fun in Cyberspace), just send
them to me, or just review at Dannichu@ukonline.co.uk, please! I want to know
what all my readers (all 0.7 of you), think!!!