I've finally done it. I've beaten the Gyms. I've conquered the Elite Four and now...now I am the Champion. I have it all. Fame, money, adoring fans. You'd think I would be happy. And I was...for a little while. Before I understood the full meaning and responsibilities of who I had become. I now spend my days fighting and defeating challengers, young trainers, trainers like I used to be. So far, I have defeated them all, but it cannot last forever. One day, I will fall. And when that day comes, I do not know what I will do. As much as I have come to despise what I do, it is all I live for. When it is gone, I will be lost.

~~~~~~

It has happened. I've been defeated. The new Champion, a young dragon tamer named Lance, is smiling, flushed with success and pride. I see him hug his Pokemon, praising them for their efforts, and it strikes a chord deep within me. I can remember when I used to be like that. Back when I actually enjoyed battling. Back when every victory mattered and was not just another in an endless chain. I see his relationship with his Pokemon, and I wonder when I ceased to have such a relationship with my own team.

~~~~~~

I sit at home, staring aimlessly off into space. Without the battles, without a role to fulfill, I have lost all reason for leaving my room, all reason for doing anything. As I sit, my mind turns to that eternal question of why. Why did I spend all those years of my life, struggling to be the best, to overcome every obstacle? I know why. I was young, naive. I didn't know any better. If only I could go back in time and warn myself. Tell myself to not bother, that it's not worth it, it's a waste of time, that in the end, none of it matters. As my mind runs this course, my eyes fall upon my belt hanging on the end of my bed. It still has my Pokeballs on it, dusty and unopened since the day of my defeat. Looking at them, my mind changes course, remembering the look on Lance's face as he realized that he was the new Champion. I remembered how he treated his Pokemon, and how they responded.

Having nothing else to do, I lean over and pick up my old belt. Feeling the old, worn leather brings back memories in a flood. Memories of my first Pokemon, memories of my first Gym victory, memories of my victory over the Elite Four...and memories of my defeat. I almost replace the belt on the end of the bed, but something stops me. It is another memory of my defeat, but this time, it is the memory of the look on the faces of Lance's Pokemon as he praised them for their efforts. It was a look of adoration, of friendship. Did my Pokemon look at me like that? I can't remember. All I remember is sending them out to do my bidding, to crush the opposition, and when victory was mine, recalling them to their Pokeballs until the next battle. I remember using them...

Now looking at the dusty Pokeballs, I remember something that the Elder of Violet City once said to me. "Pokemon are not tools of war," he'd said. At the time, I hadn't grasped the significance of what he'd said, but now, knowing what I do, I understand it now. That was how I had treated my Pokemon, as tools in my quest for power and glory. They had trusted me, and I had let them down. Bringing my mind back to the present, I again look down at the small red-and-white balls that I hold in my hand, thinking of the Pokemon held inside of them. Is there any way that I can change the past, undo the damage, rework the relationship between me and my team? There is only one way to find out.

I remove the Pokeballs from the belt and look at them for a moment before sending my team out. As the red light fades, they are revealed. My team, my Pokemon, my partners in my quest to be a Master. They stare at me dully, wondering why I sent them out, what enemy they had to fight today. I explain to them what has happened, that I'm sorry for the way I had treated them, for the way I'd used them. At first they are sceptical, suspicious of a trick, another effort to manipulate them, but in time, they seem to understand that I am really serious. I continue to apologize, to ask their forgiveness for the way that I used them, treated them as tools and nothing more. As I talk, they begin to lose that guarded look, to become more open, more receptive. As I finish, I look at them to see what their response will be. In their eyes, I see something that almost causes me to weep. I see forgiveness.

~~~~~~

It's been a week since what I call my 'rebirth'. I've begun to get out of the house more often, to take walks with my Pokemon, to enjoy life. I've grown closer to them, learning their personalities, how they feel. I've even stopped referring to them as my team, because now they are so much more. Now, they are my friends. For the first time, they are my equals.

As I go about my daily activities, I have many people ask me if I'm sorry that I'm no longer Champion, if I'm jealous of Lance. I always say that I'm not, that I'm happy for him. I know that most people don't believe me, but truthfully, I really am happy for him. I just hope that he doesn't become like I was, believing that there is no point, no reason, that it doesn't matter. Because I've found, through my thoughts and experiences, that nothing is pointless. Everything that's done is done for a reason. I've found a new outlook on life, an optimistic point of view in which it turns out that, in the end, everything matters.