Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 17

APPLES AND ARBOKS

Well now... the new Team Toyboy has now left Saffron City after they got their food supplies while Crystal also received some..... umm...... "herbal"... supplies from that dirty Prof. Oak. They are walking on their way to Vermilion City's gym. They've already been on a lot of wild adventures thus far.... but to copy the saying..... they ain't seen nothing yet!

They are walking mindlessly along a trail towards Vermilion City when Crystal starts worrying whether she'll be any good in the Kanto League. "Oh brother!", she sighs. Misty asks what wrong as Togepi is firmly locked onto her. "I hope I'll be able to get good enough in time so I can compete in the next Kanto League!", comments a downtrodden Crystal. "Shrew shrew", utters Sandshrew upset that its master is upset.

"You don't have to worry about that Crystal", replies Justin to try and console the girl like any suave gentleman pimp would do. Crystal thanks Justin for trying to bring her up (HER SPIRITS DAMN YOU!!! GETCHA DAMN MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!). Justin then tells her, "No.... you really don't have to worry about that Crystal.... because there is no such thing as a Kanto League tournament."

Crystal and her pokemon look shocked as if she was betrayed by society by making her believe that the Kanto League was a legitimate league. This of course makes her resemble Ash.... and that.... will make at least some people shudder. But fortunately, Crystal has not been deceived because Justin explains further what he means.

He explains that there is no set timetable for the Kanto League. Apparently, you train at your own pace until you get 8 licensed Kanto League badges. "Some contenders take years before they are able to get all the badges they need", he explains. That means they can stop every 5 minutes for a new adventure just like Ash did in Johto except they won't have to worry about missing the Johto League.

Jeez..... so let me get everyone straight on this. There have been a few trainers that have taken years which means they've been in hundreds of battles. They've probably had their asses kicked in most of their matches and they've ended up getting eight lucky victories. And that means they're in the Kanto League???!!! Hmmmm..... maybe Crystal is right thinking that the Kanto League really is phony.

We then notice an Arbok who is several hundred feet (or meters.... happy non-Americans??) and it looks poised like its ready to strike and swallow your pet cat whole. Justin then concludes that once a trainer gets all eight badges they can challenge the reigning Kanto League Champion at the time. But he warns Crystal that the champion is unbelievably difficult to beat and only the extreme best are able win the championship.

"Uhhhh.... Justin", interrupts Misty as she notices an object directly above his head. But her interruption falls on deaf ears because Justin continues his lecture/soon to become pep talk, "But don't worry, Crystal..... all you need is some more training and you'll be able to take on the Kanto League trainers and gym leaders." We then notice someone stringing a bow with what looks like a purple arrow and then he lets the shot rip. Pikachu picks up the sound of it and looks around but doesn't make anything of it.

"Uhhhhh.... Justin", interrupts Misty again as she looks more concerned noticing an archery target over his head. But he ignores her again as he rambles on, "In fact, Ash has already done an excellent job training his pokemon. They're in great shape already and they obey you to boot." We then see Arbok fly through the air as it notices the same target that Justin's head is stupidly in front of.

"I'm sure if you just train yourself to work with your pokemon, you'll do exceptionally well in the Kanto League and you'll even become the Kanto League champion!!!", he shouts boldly like a loud, annoying coach. But then Misty shouts at him as she sees Arbok coming to tear his head off and Crystal then also notices Arbok and the target that Justin still doesn't realize. "Justin!!!!! LOOK OOOOUUUUTT!", shouts Misty as they all point to Arbok who is on target for the bull's eye (which doubles as Justin's head).

Arbok opens its mouth and roars, "Chaaaaarbokkah!!", heading for the target. Justin finally turns and notices the target behind him..... then he turns around and sees Arbok in front of him just mere meters away ready to bite his head off. This makes Justin scream like hell which sounds like the scream of a 2 1/2 year old.

<cue intro>

Arbok looks poised to hit its target but then it notices the head of a fool in front of the bull's eye and adjusts its snake-like body to end up just barely above Justin's head. Justin notices Arbok land just above his head on the top of the target. Justin shows a sweatdrop and moans, "Auuuuuuugggggghhhhh!", before falling down and curling into somewhat of a ball as Crystal and Misty look on in horror.

"Justin! Are you okay?", asks Misty in concern for the older, attractive trainer as Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu bend over (I'M NOT SAYIN IT TWICE) to try and smack him back into consciousness. Mullet-haired Misty looks at the fallen Justin and Arbok and shouts out her prejudicial conclusions, "This must be another plot of Team Rocket! Come on out...... what are you clowns up to?!" This is when a woman's voice calls out, "Arbok what happened?..... you missed the bull's eye!"

She then notices the group hanging around the target and gasps in horror. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!", she utters in over remorse. "What were you doing?", shouts Misty, "We could have been seriously hurt by your shot!", as she looks angry enough to engage in a catfight. Crystal then adds, "And what the heck are you doing with that Arbok anyway?"

The woman.... who has short blonde hair but a rather small rack.... apologizes dramatically again and introduces herself as Maya. She claims that she and her Arbok didn't want to hurt anybody and that they were practicing for the Arbok archery championships. "Arbok Archery Championship??", asks the two girls in confusion just like Team Twerp has done hundreds of times before when they are told something they've never heard before.

"Oh.... <giggle> maybe I should explain what it's all about", she says humbly with the giggle hinting at some kind of flirting with the girls. Lesbian threesome perhaps? While Sandshrew is trying to throw Pikachu so the little yellow rodent can land on the target, she explains that once a year, the best archers from around the world come to the Kanto Archery Field near where she's practicing. They come with their Arboks and they all try to aim their Arboks to launch them from a bow and the Arboks try to land on an archery target.

Why am I suddenly thinking about cockfighting right now??? Hmmm... that's strange....

Maya further explains that there are three rounds of the championship and that you have to get 25 points in each round to advance. "Sounds like fun", notes Crystal making some wonder what's wrong with her because they all know that it's a stupid twist on the sport of archery (if you want to call it a legitimate sport).

Perhaps it's Prof. Oak's weed that's making her think somewhat like Ash.

Maya then continues her explanations stating that there are five colored rings on the target board. For hitting the target's outside you get 1 point... 2 for the yellow ring... 3 for the green ring... 5 for the blue ring... 7 for the red ring... and 10 points for the black bull's eye. But she explains that there are obstacles like tree braches, poles, and even rings of fire. Uy.... dem wacky extreme sports. "The championship is in the Kanto Field tomorrow so I'm practicing as much as possible before the competition", finishes Maya.

"Really?.... Good luck, Maya", wishes Misty. "It sounds like fun.... we'll even stay and watch the competition", remarks Crystal who's seemingly really excited about this for whatever reason, "We'll be rooting for you to win, Maya!" "Thanks so much... I'm certainly going to need all the support I can get", she notes, "I've been in the finals for the last three years in a row but I've never won."

"Well don't worry, Maya.... this has to be your year, you're too good to keep losing like that", rouses Misty. "I know", she replies, "it's just that I lose to the same guy every year." "Who?", asks Crystal. She replies that she loses to a guy named Robin who has won the title the last three years in a row and that she considers him to be her nemesis. Misty is forced by Togepi to quip that he must be really tough so Togepi can assert that it's not as strong as the almighty leech Togepi.

Maya then says that she's done practicing and that she's going to just relax for the rest of the day. Crystal then claims that they'll set up a tent and camp out in the area for the night thus giving her a chance to relax and get high. And thus... we see the difference between poor addicted Cris-tal and poor diluted Ash. Cris-tal can make her own living so she can afford food and other "supplies" whereas Ash would just all out freeload off of Maya.

Maya says that after they set up their shelter, they can come to her suite to hang out. Misty likes the idea and says she just needs Justin's help to set up the shelter but she doesn't see him anywhere until she looks down and sees him still curdled over from his near brush with death. He's still on the ground and is so traumatized that he's even sucking his thumb.

Misty giggles which kind of makes Maya grin (Okay... that settles it! Maya's got lesbian tendencies) then Misty concludes sadly, "I think he's still traumatized!" Justin then takes his thumb out of his mouth long enough to say weakly, "Don't worry, I'll be okay........ eventually!"

After a wipe of Sandshrews flying by the screen, we see Crystal, Misty, and a somewhat recovered Justin sitting on Maya's couch. Togepi hatches an evil plot on Pikachu and begins plucking the string on the bow for the evil purpose of trying to send Pikachu flying. But instead Togepi doesn't send Pikachu into the air and instead the string snaps against Pikachu's little ass giving the electric rodent fair warning about who the pokemon ruler is going to be.

Maya comments, "So you're competing in the Kanto League...." "That's right", replies a more relaxed Crystal which means she's gotten a chance to do her usual business. Maya, like anyone else in the pokemon world finds this to be fascinating since pokemon writers are trying to use subliminal messages to make those damn kids conform.

Crystal asks her if she ever does pokemon battles with her Arbok. She says that she does battle with Arbok sometimes but she mostly practices archery. "I bet it would be really competitve in a battle!", alludes Crystal. And oh by the way..... if you don't get it by now (Ash), she trying to coax Maya into a pokemon battle. "I'd challenge you to a battle but I know that Arbok's worn out from all the practicing", adds Crystal.

Maya claims that she doesn't have to worry about that saying that she will give her the battle. Crystal asks, "But what about the championships?", with a look of concern on her face. Maya answers her that it'll do Arbok good to get in as much exercise as it can before the contest tomorrow. "Well ... yeah that makes sense", adds Justin, "...And what better way to get in shape for the big tourney than a pokemon battle.... right Maya?", as he tries to flirt somewhat with the lonely woman who giggles back at him.

We then cut to the site of the big tournament and who should be there but our beloved Team Rocket. "Da Kanto Archery Field?", wonders Meowth staring up at the lettering on the bleachers, "Dese citizens of dis town must be really swanky to have an official archery range!" "Hey! Here's a really colorful sign", notes James who's drawn to all the bright colors, "It reads.... Arbok Archery Championships Tomorrow 1 pm. The best archers in the world with their Ekans Arboks will make otherwise impossible shots possible in this exciting contest. Ooooooh sounds interesting!", he oooh's after finishing reading.

James suggests that Jessie and her Arbok enter the contest but Jessie strikes that idea down initially saying that she has better things to do with her Arbok than enter a stupid archery contest like capturing Pikachu. "Hmmm", mutters James before he notices more writing and color on the colorful poster, "It goes on to say: Grand Prize... the Golden Arbok trophy and ... and... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!??"

"Huh?", gasps Jessie, "Let me read that!", as she slams aside James falling on his face. Jessie then squeals like a kitten after reading that the prize is one million dollars. She then ponders about all the wonderful things she could do with one million dollars sighing that she can finally get the respect she deserves.

.... and respect SHE DESERVES!!!!!!

"We wouldn't even need ta swipe Pikachu.... we can just buy thousands of otha Pikachus", gloats Meowth. "We could get millions of dollars of clothing with one million dollars!!", shouts James in total glee. "Who said anything about we?", snaps Jessie, "I don't recall you having an Arbok, James..... and you can't even have an Arbok, Meowth, cuz you're a pokemon already!" "Huh?", they both sigh. Jessie then takes charge as always and says that she alone will enter the contest and that she will win the million dollars for herself.

"But Jessie", whines James, "We want to be millionaires, too!" Jessie replies that if she shares the one million dollars with James and Meowth, then nobody would be millionaires but if she wins it for herself, then at least one of them will be millionaires. "Oh yeah!", thinks Meowth. You can't downplay his intelligence to the level of Ash for that.... he's only a pokemon you know. Jessie finishes, "I know that you two can be helpful by giving me your support."

Meowth responds, "Don't worry, Jessie!", as the background behind Meowth

become a weighlifing gym. That's the magic of television for ya. "If dere's one thing Meowth is capable of... it's support (a Clefairy pops up magically being held over Meowth's head), support (a Miltank magically appears where Clefairy was making Meowth buckle), support!!! (Now Meowth holds up a Snorlax momentarily before it crushes down onto him.)" "Ow", bellows Meowth in pain even though the Snorlax he was holding up was an illusion. "If that's the kind of support I'm going to get, I'm in trouble!", sighs Jessie as Meowth continues to be crushed by the phantom Snorlax.

Maybe TR swiped some of Crystal's opium and it's making em see things?

Twilight has now fallen back with the twerps, Misty has decided to have some energy and referee the one on one pokemon battle while she lets Togepi leech of the already weakened Justin. She yells out the rules and orders the battle to begin. "Maya chooses Arbok!", Misty shouts on, "Crystal chooses.....", leaving us with the suspense.

Crystal decides to go a fellow drug-induced pokemon.... Noctowl. So Noctowl will try to trip up an already poisonous pokemon.... which means this battle should be a good one. After Noctowl does its signature twitching a couple of times, Maya tells Arbok to attack with poison sting which Noctowl is able to dodge thanks to having ultra-quick reaction for some reason (wink wink).

Cris-tal tells Noctowl to fly high but Maya has Arbok counter with double team which makes the baked bird-brain miss. But Crystal knows drug habits very well and she also knows that Noctowl can use this to its advantage using a move called foresight which through Noctowl's special abilities, help it determine the real Arbok. It shakes its eyes and shines them all over and eventually finds the real Arbok. When Cris-tal sees that Noctowl has locked in on the reality, she orders it to use confusion which slams Arbok against a rock.

"Come on Arbok... don't stand for it! Fight back with a bite attack!", yells Maya puts Arbok through enough hell by firing it from a bow everyday. Arbok then bites back as Noctowl counter with a wing attack and it goes on for about three successive turns. Justin then takes this time to listlessly comment that Maya's Arbok is tough.

Maya declares that its time to win the battle and tells Arbok to use a sludge attack. It fires out some gooey sludge but Crystal proves her smarts in a pokemon battle by having Noctowl use its gust to send the sludge right back at

Arbok sending it reeling. Cris-tal tells Noctowl to quickly dive bomb and it obeys knocking Arbok out of the battle as Misty shouts it out. Crystal cheers after getting her first real victory in the Kanto League and then congratulates Noctowl hugging it and saying, "Great job Noctowl... I see that Ash trained you very well also." Noctowl just twitches it head as Crystal helps it try to relieve the hyperactivity caused by the battle and the drugs in its circulation.

It only looks like she's congradulating it.... but that's what I think she's really doing.

Maya then congradulates Crystal and thanks her for the battle. Crystal is concerned if Arbok will be okay for the Archery Championships tomorrow. "No problem", smiles Maya, "All we need is a good night's rest and we'll be raring to go for tomorrow."

<cue commercial> "Who's that pokemon!!"

It's Larvitar....................... "Laaaaarrrvitaaaaarrrrrr!"

Well, the day of the big Arbok Archery Championship thingy has finally arrived. All of the competitors are being introduced one by one as they come out with either an Arbok or an Ekans. Guess you only need a pokemon that can fly off a bow. Maya then comes out and Crystal notices her and points to her as they come out through the decorated entrance way. Next, Robin the defending champion comes out with his Ekans. He has a few tattoes as he and Ekans both look like bad-asses. "Robin looks pretty tough to beat", comments Crystal as Justin replies with his testosterone finally returning to him, "He doesn't look that tough."

The emcee then announces that there is one more competitor in the Championships. And that is when a bunch of arrows are fired in front of the bleachers that the new Team Toyboy is sitting in. "Wow.... who would make an entrance like this?", asks Mullet-haired Misty as Togepi is back firmly locked in her lap after sucking up a ton of energy that Justin lost thanks to his traumatic event.

TR then laughs and comes out from behind the smoke to the shock of the twerps and the Pika of Pikachu. They begin yet another clever twist on the motto as they twist their sexy bodies into many archery positions.

"Address the line and prepare for trouble"

"String thy bows and make it double"

"To protect the wealth with our assignment"

"To unite all targets within our alignment"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love"

"To extend our reach to the bull's eye above"

"Jessie"

"James"

"Team Rocket firing arrows at the speed of light"

"Surrender now or prepare to fight"

"Meowth, that's...... " starts Meowth but he is cut off by a loud, "WOOOOBBUUFFEETTT", by the patiently pleased blue thing.

"You again!", shout Justin and Misty in unison as they jump right up close to TR as does Sandshrew with the threatening warning of, "Shrew shrew!!" "I'll be damned if I let you interrupt this contest", shouts Crystal in Ash-like emotional anger. "Aha.... well if it isn't the twerps", scoffs Jessie, "Sorry to disappoint you but you're not stopping us today." "Dat's because we ain't here to interrupt it!", adds Meowth.

"Huh?", gasps the twerps wondering what they could mean. Hey.... they may not be as stupid as Ash but they're not Oxford scholars either. "I'm entering the championship, too!", states Jessie. "Oh no you don't..... you're not going make a mockery of this championship", shouts Crystal still determine to deny her arch-nemesis a chance. "I'm afraid the only things you can do about it, twerp, are nothing and like it because you see, I have the commissioner's okay to participate in this.... so NEH! (sticks out tongue)", notes Jessie as she holds up the commissioner's signature.

Hmmm... Jessie must've done some pretty sexy convincing to the commissioner. How exactly she was able to get his signature is not mentioned here but you dodgers can use your imaginations.

Crystal doesn't buy the signature at first shouting at TR what they're trying to pull and then she tells Sandshrew to blow them away with a sandstorm. See.... she's a prejudicial bitch just like Ash. But Maya stops Crystal and Sandshrew because she notices that it is in fact the commissioner's official signature. So Jessie is fully licensed to compete in the Arbok Archery Championships.

"But why would TR want to enter an archery contest? ... especially when they have no chance of winning?", ponders Crystal. "They couldn't possibly win unless they cheat", notes Justin who's now standing besides Misty who are both behind James and Meowth. Misty then adds loudly, "That's why we're going to keep an eye on you two!", referring to James and Meowth. Meowth looks like its scared to death of Togepi and James is painfully half-chuckling knowing that Justin will be right behind him as they continue their flirting escapade which dates back to the bus bathroom incident.

"Let the Arbok Archery Championships begin!", shouts the emcee. "Okay guys.... let's take it up to the bleachers", shouts Misty at James and Meowth. The two of them look intimidated as they head up into the stands followed by Misty and Justin although I believe they're being intimidating by Togepi's psychokinesis (I think that's a word). Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu take their seats near the front of the bleachers to root for Maya with Jessie near her.

Jessie then sends out her Arbok to help her begin competing in the Archery contest. "All right Arbok.... time to fire you at some bull's eyes!", shouts Jessie as Wobbuffet wobbs in agreement to the annoyance of Jessie. "Maybe I start by firing you into orbit!", snaps Jessie. But Wobbuffet is not insulted, it just belts out another happy, "Wobbuffet".

We then hear that the contestants will have to fire their Ekans (plural form of Ekans) and Arboks from a bow towards their own individual targets (so they're not all firing at one target) 200 feet away through a line of trees. Yikes! Then the archers begin firing.... some Ekans and Arboks hit the target... some just miss the target.. and others slam into the trees that are blocking them. Ouch!

The emcee then announces names of archers that have already advanced to Round 2. Among the names he mentions is the defending champion Robin. Crystal is still keeping a close eye on Maya as she fires her Arbok whom gracefully dips and flies past the trees to get a seven point shot which the emcee announces saying that it's good enough to advance Maya to the second round. Crystal cheers along with Pikachu and Sandshrew as she gets this weird feeling in her body when she looks at Maya only she can't explain what it is.

Jessie is trying to aim her Arbok for the shot as Meowth and James mope about having to sit in the nosebleed seat while Justin, Togepi, and Misty continue to keep a close eye on TR. Meowth answers James, "Heh... for you guys its da nosebleed section but for me its da charm-poppin section."

James and Meowth root for Jessie with hysterical pennants with the Team Rocket "R" on them. "Come on, Jessie.... you can do it", cheers James. "Bring it home!!!!", shouts Meowth and then the camera pans to the right to reveal Wobbuffet wearing an official championship cap and cheering for Jessie the best way it knows how. "Woooobbbuffet!", it shouts as it has just come up from being next to Jessie. It is never explained how Wobbuffet got up there so quickly.

Jessie fires Arbok for its first shot as it winds around plants and dodges trees for its life. It then sees the target and it looks like Arbok will land right on cue. But after going a few more feet, we see that Arbok is going to lad short and it crash lands at the base of the tree where the target is hanging. "That was certainly a crash landing", mopes James. Meowth then adds, "Arbok should have contacted a control tower."

Jessie then berates Arbok for missing the target and then she tries to fire it again with a much better looking shot. Arbok dodges some of the trees and debris in the way and lands on the green ring for 3 points. Back up in the bleachers, James, Meowth, and the wuvable Wobbuffet are all cheering for Jessie. "Jessie Jessie you're the best!", cheers James in typical gay fashion. Meowth continues the cheer, "You can shoot better than all the rest!..... and kick, too. I know from experience", he adds in a side note.

The emcee then adds that Jessie has one shot left and that she needs a bull's eye to advance to the next round. Jessie sweats and tells Arbok it has to hit the bull's eye or they can kiss the million dollars bye-bye. "Char-boka?", asks a confused Arbok who is then fired off of Jessie's bow. It wildly dodges trees and braches en route to the target but we see that Arbok is headed towards the right of the right and will miss it.

But this is Arbok we're mentioning.... not that other dirty, disgusting TR pokemon. Arbok uses its tail to spring off a nearby tree branch and bounces down sinking its teeth right into the bull's eye. The emcee shouts that its a bull's eye and that Jessie advances to the second round. Jessie cackles in triumph and proclaims, "Aha! The million dollars is as good as mine!"

Up in the stands, James and Meowth are cheering their associates performance. "Arbok's so good!", raves James knowing again that Jessie got the better half of that evolution from Dig Those Digletts. "Maybe you should try firing off Weezing and get us a pokemon dat could win us one million dollars", suggests Meowth.

Hmmmm...... I think everyone will agree that Meowth's idea is brilliant.

Jessie shouts out to nobody that nothing is going to stop the devious and darling Jessie. The emcee then announces that for the second round, there will be a hoard of obstacles added to the field that each pokemon must pass through before hitting the target. It doesn't seem like a huge deal at first but one of these new obstacles includes a ring of fire that each Ekans or Arbok must pass through. "Huh?", gazes Jessie in shock and panic, "Things are about to heat up!", as she meets the Pokemon cartoon quota for PUN-ishment for the episode. And the sad part about that is..... Pokemon the cartoon probably does have a PUN-ishment quota to keep the kiddies giggling and watching. Remember, this is a kid's show..... right?

As the next round begins we see the other competitors run into all sorts of problems..... ramming into trees.... missing the rings they have to go through and sailing by the target. "Okay.... get ready Arbok!", declares Maya as she fires off her Arbok for the first shot. Maya's Arbok gracefully dodges all of the obstacles including the ring of fire and she gets a 7 point red ring. The rest of her shots continue to look easy as she gets a near bull's eye on almost every shot.

Jessie and her Arbok meanwhile are making their second round effort look like a Bayleef ballet <shudder>. Jessie's first shot makes Arbok twist and turn to avoid all the obstacles. And Arbok gets a 3 point green ring but not before making itself look like a fizzling bottle rocket. Another shot by Jessie looks a lot cleaner and Arbok actually passes through the ring and gets a bull's eye. But Arbok soon realizes that its on fire and shouts out, "CHHAAAARRRR-BOOKKA!!!" in burning pain.

"One more shot, Arbok!", encourages Jessie as it heads back after putting out the fire somehow. But poor Arbok has had enough.... it's been through enough abuse for one day and it is ready to quit. But Jessie goes after it pleading, "Arbok... you can't quit this now!", as Arbok turns its head in despair. "We're so close to winning! If you win this, I'll be rich and famous and you'll get your rightful place in this world as the planet's number one super snake. Don't you deserve that?"

And that makes Arbok come back to try and take one more shot to try to get into the final round. Jessie strings up Arbok on the bow and lets it fly. Arbok's ride resemble one of those loop-de-loop roller coaster rides and it circles around tree stumps and branches. It clears the ring but it ends up skidding along the ground. But at the end of the skidding, it hits a rock on the field and it bounces Arbok up off the ground and luckily enough..... right to the bull's eye!!!

Jessie laughs in success while James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet are cheering even louder in the stands. The emcee then announces that there are three finalists in the Arbok Archery Competition and they are........... Robin (boo!), Maya (mixed reaction), and a newcomer Jessie (cheers). "Hooray Jessie!", shouts Meowth in jubilation. "Oooooooooh", ooooh's James, "She's almost won the one million dollars!" "One million dollars?", asks a nosy Misty right behind them still watching to make sure they don't cheat. "I didn't hear anything about a million dollars", Justin tells the two Rockets.

Meowth then explains that they found a poster that said everything about this competition and that the grand prize was a trophy and one million dollars. "So that's why Jessie entered the competition", realizes Justin. Misty then replies with one of the smartest statements she's ever made. She tells Justin frankly, "That's the deal with professionl athletes today. No matter what they say is their reason for doing something, they are only interested in the money.", and then Togepi realizes that Misty is getting smarter so it chirps, "Toge-priii", to

take in some more of Misty's intelligence.

But Misty..... you're all too correct sista..... all too correct.....

We then cut to Crystal who is commenting with Maya before the final round after Togepi proclaimed to the pokemon of the land that money won't be much of an object when it assumes leadership of the world. Anyway, Crystal tells Maya that she can't believe that Jessie made it to the finals and that she's never seen Jessie practice archery. Maya then explains to her that every so often, a newcomer will have some luck and go farther than they should and she adds that it also happened about seven years ago. But she doesn't say who it was or mention anything else about it.

Okay.... hands up if you think that lucky bitch was Maya....

"I would say though that Jessie has an outside chance of winning", says Maya. Jessie comes over to scoff Maya and Crystal which gets Sandshrew's attention as well as Pikachu whose head was buried in the popcorn making its little fat ass get even bigger. "What do you want?", snaps Crystal. "I just wanted to talk, twerp.", says Jessie, "It's too bad Maya that you train all these many years and you just keep on losing." These comments piss off Crystal but they don't seem to phase Maya.

Jessie concludes, "Well I'm going to win this competition and I'm going to be the one to end up with a million dollars. Ahahahaha." "You can't win this! Your luck has run out", snaps back Crystal. "Oh yes I can win this and yes I will win this", sneers Jessie as she laughs and walks away. Cris-tal then turns to Maya and asks her what Jessie meant about the one million dollars. "Oh.. I totally forgot to tell you guys", she giggles (........ Hmmm???) as she tells her that the winner not only gets the trophy but also one million dollars.

"Wow.... I didn't know you could make so much money off of archery", notes Crystal. So THAT'S why Cris-tal was so intrigued with the Arbok Archery Championships. If she entered it, she could make a ton of money and never have to worry about scrounging money for drugs ever again. The emcee then announces that its time for the final round.

The three finalists stand side by side with their bows and pokemon as the emcee explains the rules for the final round. He explains that the first contestant to land their Ekans or Arbok on the apple placed at the bull's eye of the target is the winner. He also says that everyone is firing at the same target for this round. We then notice that there are even more obstacles for the pokemon to get through for this round and we see the apple glistening off the target.

All three archers address the line as Robin goes for a fourth straight title (and another million dollars... snobby bastard!), Maya tries to win her first title, and Jessie tries to outwit the right wing elitest archery society by winning for herself. How could you not root for Jessie now???! The emcee, who looks a little like Nicolas in a tux, shouts at the contestants to Ready............. Aim................... and after a dramatic zoom in of all the finalists, the guy yells....... Fire!

Jessie purposely trips Robin to make his shot fire off target making his Ekans fly too high. Robin shouts at him, "How dare you!", the traditional right wing way. Jessie shows a sweatdrop and tries to calm him down saying that her boot fell off and claiming it wasn't on purpose even though it really was and nobody else of the thousands in attendance seemed to notice. The pokemon fly off the bows and go around the tree stumps and braches and twigs. Maya's Arbok clears the obstacles again much more gracefully than Jessie's Arbok.

Crystal, Pikachu, Sandshrew, Misty, Justin, Maya, and TR all look on in suspense as the Arboks race for the apple. By now, James and Meowth have made it down to the front row to watch the finale as has Misty, Justin, and the evil Togepi. Rats! I was hoping Misty would leave it up there to freeze! As the two Arbok get through their respective rings of fire, we see the two of them neck and neck.

They are sailing along towards the target and it looks like they are about to take a bite out of the apple at the same time. "It's too close!", quips a nervous Misty as she watches the finale. They both are about to hit the target when Maya yells out really loud to her Arbok so it can listen, "Arbok..... spin!!!!" Her Arbok twirls around in a spiral knocking Jessie's Arbok off-kilter enough to help itself land on the apple first just a split second ahead of its opponent.

"And there you have it.... Maya wins!", the emcee shouts out in unnecessary excitement. Team Toyboy then comes down to celebrate with Maya as her Arbok comes back after fetching the apple. They congratulate Maya saying twerpy things like, "I knew you could finally win!", is what Crystal shouts to her. Pikachu chirps out a, "Pika-chu!", from its yellow roly-poly body before the ex-champion comes up to Maya to the surprise of everyone and congratulates her and that she deserves the title for as hard as she has worked.

"Well Maya.... you're finally a winner", compliments Crystal with Sandshrew on her back. "And soon... I think you'll be, too!", she says as she gets one of those funny sexual feelings that Crystal got earlier. But TR interjects to spoil the party with Jessie yelling, "Hey.... you're not a winner, you're a cheater!" "That's right", adds James, "It's not fair to interfere in the progress of another Arbok and that's what you did. We're the winners!", he proclaims dramatically.

Robin though fires back to defend his elitist archer associate, "Maya won this match fair and square!" Justin decides to add insult to their injury saying, "You guys aren't winners.... you're whiners.", which isn't actually too untrue. "You spoiled twerps.... give us the trophy AND the million dollars!", shouts Jessie in total rage. Maya answers back, "You guys really need to cool off!"

This is when Misty gets a devious idea from Maya's comment. She (mullet and all) tell Maya that it's a great idea and then asks Crystal if she'd like to help cool off TR and she agrees all too easily. Misty calls out Staryu and Poliwhirl while Crystal calls out Totodile who treats everyone to its insane dance routine.

TR at this point is now arguing at each other with Jessie yelling at James and Meowth for not giving her enough support. Meowth yells back that they were stuck in the very last row of bleachers. And through all this... Wobbuffet just watches patiently as TR simply brings themselves down as all the helpless blue blob can do is sadly proclaim, "Wobbb!", with its league hat and all.

But all their fighting is halted temporarily when the trainers command their pokemon to all use their water gun. Staryu soaks Jessie and Arbok, Poliwhirl blasts James, and Totodile uses its insanity power to blast Meowth and Wobbuffet all the way against a nearby rock. Jessie squeals that her beautiful archery costume is all wet. "Ain't dat also your pirate costume?", snubs Meowth. "... and your nerd ensemble?", adds James before Jessie fumes and smashes their heads together in another act of violence on an animated cartoon in front of millions of kids.

This moves Justin to proclaim to his hos in ghetto fashion, "Hmmmm..... it don't look like they be chillin out too much. I betta use my waterpower to cool those haters off. Gyarados! I choose you!" TR continues to fight among each other while Wobbuffet looks on until they hear a giant roar coming from the bluish-green monster (no, not in Boston!). "Uh oh", squeals James with Meowth adding to the terror, "Dis..... does not look good for TR." Justin then shouts for Gyarados to use its hydro pump attack and it sends TR sailing.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! We're blasting off again!", they shouts as they goes away. "Wobbuh!", states Wobbuffet as it goes off with them. <sniff> That hasn't gotten old yet at all... God bless Wobbuffet! <sniff>

Back with the winner who won by cheating just like the way most pro wrestlers win, Crystal asks Maya what she's going to do with the winnings. Hmmm... this should be interesting indeed to see what she uses it for. She says that she's going to spend some of it to improve her house and that she's giving the rest to charity. She doesn't mention which charity she gives it to which means she probably gives it to the Republican party as an agreement for letting her win their little elitist championship. That's right wing politics for you..........

The protagonists, knowing little about politics, are delighted by the decision Maya made. Even Pikachu's wuvable widdle heart is warmed at the news of Maya's "generosity" as it rides Sandshrew again. What's with Pikachu riding on Sandshrew? I wonder if they're bonding as more than just friends..... I mean the only other pokemon they see on a daily basis beside the freaky Togepi is each other and... well....... you know.....

Speaking of Togepi, it has grasped control of Maya's Arbok whom is spinning itself in a snake-like circle so Togepi can walk all over it. Over......... and over............. and over................ until Misty picks it up telling the egg thingy it's time to leave. Maya then tells Crystal that she believes what helped her win this year was the pokemon match with Crystal's (Ash's) Noctowl. She tells them further that the match appeared to help Arbok move around better and hit targets easier.

So what do you think the odds are that her Arbok had artificial substances in its body that helped it move better?

The twerps eventually leave and Maya wishes them luck on their pokemon journey and thanks them. Yeah you better thank them bitch..... if it wasn't for that traveling circus called the new Team Toyboy, you'd be having sloppy seconds, right? And the protagonists continue on their trip to Vermilion City as Cris-tal seems to be just about ready to take on the gym leader there.... after a couple of hits that is.

But before they reach the gym, they will have another important experience to view. Important because justice will be done!!!