Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 19

Well, well, motherf*ckin well.... our traveling threesome has finally arrived in Vermilion City after witnessing Koffing triumphantly rise over its horrific counterpart Weezing. And with Crystal and Justin manning the map rather than Ash and Brock, they got there a full 20 episode and 6 weeks earlier then the rate that Johto went at. Yippie! We find them strolling down a local Vermilion street where Crystal is quite relaxed for someone who is about to have their first gym battle ever very shortly. In other words... she rolled one up and got high.

Hmmm... already this episode is looking like an unfound version of that Afroman song.

Do-do-do-doo... I was gonna win a gym badge... but then I got high.... and the like and on and on. Sounds like a song Ash Ketchum might have sung before... hee hee hee.

Back to the group, Cris-tal is being asked by her mentor Justin if, "you ready for your big match, killer?". "Uhhh...", stutters Crystal as she and Misty show sweatdrops, "... I'm ready when you two are, you ready guys?", referring to Sandshrew and Pikachu. "Pikachu!!!", shouts a pumped up rodent while the other sand pokemon thing also shows its readiness.

She then asks him if he knows anything about the gym and the leader. He says that he has heard that the gym leader's name is Lt. Surge and that he mainly uses electric pokemon. Misty confirm his suspicions saying that he remembers when Ash and Pikachu challenged and ended up beating his Raichu as we are whisked into a quick flashback of Pikachu facing

Raichu. Misty then tells Pikachu, "You certainly sent a message to Lt. Surge for Pikachus everywhere, didn't you Pikachu?" "Pika-pi-pikachu!!", shouts Pikachu trying to sound like a tough ass.

Crystal determines that if Pikachu is focused (stoned) then she is ready (baked) and able to take on that Lt. Surge. But as she is about to lead her drug associates towards the gym... we hear some kind of annoying wailing. This crying is coming from a little blonde brat running towards the threesome. He seems to be staying on the road extremely well for a little brat who is running with his fists over his eyes as he's bawling tears.

<cue intro>

Being the goody goody horny horny samaritans that the threesome are..... (I'm beginning to like just calling them 'The Threesome' or 'The Ultimate Threesome'. Something along those lines)...... they stop the little boy and ask him what the matter is. He tells them between the shortness of breaths from whining that he was going to challenge Lt. Surge. "Hey... that's what I'm going to do", notes Crystal who it just dawned on her like.... duyyyy. He continues, still sniffling, that his guardians at the front gate made him give them their pokemon for inspection. And when they rejected his pokemon, they denied him access to the gym leader and worse, confiscated his pokemon until they get better.

After hearing a large amount of whining and sniffling, Justin announces dodgily, "Now that's cruel... I've seen a lot of exploitations... but this may take the cake!" ???..... Make of that what you will.... "Why would they take an innocent person's pokemon like that? Is it for intimidation?", wonders Misty before Togepi works its hypnotic energy into her making her almost zombie like. "I don't care what any gym says to me, they won't take you!", she monotonously tells Togepi who bellows, "Toge-prii", with approval.

"That's very unusual... and it doesn't seem right", concludes Cris-tal believing that no one should have the right to take pokemon away from others for any reason jumping to Ash-like conclusions. The boy tells her that he hopes she has good enough pokemon to get past those guards. She also conclude that she's fortunate to already have strong pokemon thanks to Ash's great training. Misty then interrupts her asking whether or not she knows which pokemon she'll use against Lt. Surge.

She concludes that since Surge mainly uses electric type pokemon she has to use types that are strong against electric attacks. She knows that ground pokemon are immune to electric attacks so she says she'll use Sandshrew who beckons in joy at the calling of its name in anticipation of perhaps some more smoking. Misty agrees with that deduction telling her, "That a good choice, naturally!", looking at her with heart-pounding, brain-thumping love in her eyes. Crystal also knows that grass pokemon fare well against electric so she also says that she'll use Bulbasaur.

"Another good choice!", confirms Misty with increasing lesbian tendencies. Crystal then looks at a pumped-up (not buffed-up) Pikachu who blurts out its name in readiness making Crystal conclude, "...And I'm sure Pikachu can take on anything that Lt. Surge can dish out so I'll use Pikachu. Well... that wasn't too hard.", in a somewhat dodgy manner. "You really seem to know what your doing with your pokemon", adds Justin, ".... but still, winning a gym battle is much more than choosing which pokemon you should use. It takes a great amount of recognition by the trainers about what they and their pokemon should you next if they want to be successful... especially in a gym battle.", he mentors so he'll probably get something from her in return for his mentoring if you know what I mean.

"Wow... I'm sure you'll get by these guardians", says the little boy, "... but even for you, I doubt it'll be easy.", who then says his name is Jakey. Crystal asks him if he is a pokemon trainer despite the fact that he already muttered out that he was going to challenge Lt. Surge... something that only POKEMON TRAINERS can do. Someone smack some sense into that hippie!

Still, Jakey says that he was going to compete in the Indigo League and he was on his way to beginning his journey but now its been interrupted oh boo hoo. "Don't worry!", assures the main female protagonist, "I'll make sure you get your pokemon back.... I'm even on my way to the gym right now... you want to come with me, Jakey?", she asks somewhat lovingly. The little blonde brat is suddenly dashed enthralled with unbelievable little boy lust and agrees to follow her. He'll follow her just as any 9 year old boy would follow and pretend to f*ck Britney Spears.

Justin then tells her that while they're in Vermilion City, he's going to visit one of the colleges that he was looking at ..... something neither Ash nor Misty will experience I assure you. He then tells them that he'll meet them back at the gym when he's done touring the school and he wishes Crystal luck. He says he's checking out a school but his "search for colleges" seems more like a random booty call for some of his bitches in the pokemon world by the way he doesn't give the girls any details about the schools.

It's a very dodgy topic that I'll leave up to the dodgy readers' imaginations to think about what he's really doing.

Crystal waves bye bye and tells him to "bring back some of that college stuff for her later". Justin fulfills his drug money making obligations and promises that he will. But Misty, who is not as stoned as Crystal, is skeptical commenting that, "God only knows what the hell he's gonna be up to there", assuring that Misty has some intelligence unlike Ash.

Perhaps Togepi has been lacking on its Misty leeching lately. Maybe all that weed is doing a good thing affecting the little egg thingy.

Crystal, Misty, and the pokemon all head towards the Vermilion City gym along with Jakey leaving Justin behind to do all his 'business'. Cris-tal becomes a gross child negligent slut by telling Jakey, "You can take Justin's place as the man in our group", with a disturbingly happy smile on her face. Anyone have bets on the odds that this would get censored in some fashion by 4Kids??? I'm guessing 3-1.....

When they get there, Misty proclaims that it is right in front of them for those that are retarded. Crystal tells them to follow her in but as they go in the door they are blocked by the staffs of two guards. One of them with long red hair and another with semi-long blue hair. Both of the "guardians" are wearing ancient Roman war helmets on their heads.

"Excuse me, ma'am", says the woman guardian (I'll call her Jessie from now on cuz its horrifically obvious). "Before you battle in this pokemon gym, it is required that all of your pokemon get inspected by us", says the male guardian with a weird voice (I'll call him a gay freakin homo cuz its so horrifically obvious). Cris-tal is high and doesn't know much better about TR disguises despite seeing some of their best work already. Therefore, she gives all of her pokeballs to the phony inspectors as they also grab Pikachu and Sandshrew for "inspection".

The two of them look at the pokemon and go, "Hmmmmmmmmm...." They stare at them for about a few moments as Crystal gets impatient and asks them if they're done yet. She perhaps wants to get back to fantasizing about the 10 year old blonde boy. The dynamic duo....... <slaps foolish dodgers>.... not Batman and Robin, they face the two girls and the blonde boy and Jessie tells them, "After much examination... it is determined that your pokemon clearly........ fail the examination!", to the total shock of the girls.

Crystal shouts that her pokemon are in great shape and have nothing wrong with them and yells at them how they could fail the 'inspection'. The little brat annoyingly yells out to them asking when he'll get his pokemon back and Jessie tells him that, "You have to wait your turn, kid!" "We'll have to confiscate these pokemon until they meet Vermilion City gym standards! See ya!", adds James as they leave and stuff the pokemon in this little tank of theirs. They both get in the tank with Jessie uttering a girly giggle and James uttering a girlier giggle.

Crystal demands that they explain why her pokemon didn't pass the 'inspection'. Misty then tells them that they can't take "this poor girl's pokemon" without an explanation. The two guardians eventually come out the top of the makeshift tank they went in to address the threesome. "You want an explanation, huh? heh heh heh", laughs Jessie. "I think its time we come out!", remarks James exciting everyone who wants to see James announce to the entire world that "I AM GAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!"

"It's them!!!!", exclaim the two girls in interruption of the motto.

Crystal growls and tells them that they've now gone too far. She says that not only have they stolen from her (and stealing from drug dealers often has deadly consequences), but also stole from this innocent little boy that has been fantasizing about her. "A-hah-hah-hah", laughs Jessie again, "and that's not all.... we've also inspected many other trainers

pokemon who went to battle here at the gym.", as the front door folds away to reveal many many pokemon that TR stole.

The threesome gasp in shock as they look at all the pokemon they got including Sandshrew and a wailing, "Pika", from Pikachu. Jessie then taunts Crystal to try and stop them telling her to use one of her pokemon before bursting out into laughter. James then says, "We'd love to stay and play games with you little twerps but its time to transport these pokemon to the boss..... ta ta!", and as usual he sounds as gay as he can possibly sound. Crystal demands that come back and tries to go after TR but they go back in the tank so Crystal can't get inside.

Jakey then cries out like a miserable brat for his pokemon and Misty growls as the tank begins to leave. But then, a really huge man comes out of the gym and shouts, "What is the deal with all this noise here?", like a hard-ass soldier. Misty recognizes him as Lt. Surge and Jakey tells him that his guardians inspected his pokemon when he tried to battle him for the thunder badge.

"What!!!???", shouts Lt. Surge (someone must've slipped some hormones into his breakfast), "I don't have any gym guardians!!!" "I know..... they're really a bunch of phony guardians from Team Rocket. They were using your door to stop trainers and steal their pokemon in a fake gym inspection scam!", shouts Misty as Togepi is a little concerned at the presence of a military man whose order is to stop world dominators like Togepi. "Toge", it chirps as it closely examines the enormous man looking for a weakness.

Crystal then runs over to her panting with a lack of energy from smoking earlier. She tells the guy that the people in the tank stole all their pokemon. "Well young lady", shouts Surge, "This looks like a job for the lieutenant and his troops!" He then calls out his Ursaring who comes out with a huge roar. "Whoa! An Ursaring!", shouts the excited little kid who is starting to act more and more like Ash, "I want one!" A puzzled Misty wonder aloud, "Why would Lt. Surge, have a Ursaring when he specializes in electric pokemon?" And so... Crystal checks her brand-spanking new pokedex to find out more about Ursaring.

Ursaring..... the hibernant pokemon.... Ursaring, though massive in size, are very adept at climbing trees. That allows them to eat and live up in the trees.

Ahhh yes.... Ursaring. Those horny bear pokemon from the ultra dodgy Forest Grumps episode.... one of the dodgiest ever. Well... this one also looks angry... and its also single which means it hasn't got laid in quite some time. And that can not mean good news for TR.

He then orders Ursaring to stop TR's tank and Ursaring then rolls along the ground to get in front of the slow moving tank. Inside the tank meanwhile and unaware of what's surrounding them, Team Rocket is celebrating their latest scam prematurely. Jessie laughs, "That was almost too easy... in fact that was the easiest swiping of a pokemon bonanza we've ever had."

Wobbuffet then pops out of its pokeball to make its now mandatory appearance of patient pleasure. As it shouts, "Wooooooobbuffet", Jessie calls it back and wishes someone swiped it from her. Meowth then adds to their self-bragging saying, "We've achieved perfection in phony inspection." "I love giving some suckers false inspections", adds James. You read it here dodgers.... he likes to give some of those that suck false inspections.....

The angry and sexually frustrated Ursaring takes out its energy on TR ad single-handedly stops the tank. "What is that?", shrieks Jessie in horror as Wobbuffet pops out again. "James.... try ta step on da gas will ya? Floor it if ya haf to", yells Meowth. James errrrr's and floors the gas pedal but he states, "The tank still won't budge!"

Lt. Surge then commands Ursaring, military style, to send the tank flying. In an incredible display of sexual frustration and Ursaring steroids, the horny bear pokemon picks up the tank and throws it landing upside-down breaking open the tank. Misty looks at Ursaring with a sense of awe and commenting, "Wow! I can't believe how strong Ursaring is" Now..... I am not one to purposefully spread stories about human/animal sex, but if you feel like Misty has a crush on an Ursaring, then by all means use you imagination.

TR is knocked silly as the tank lands upside-down..... the tank is also broken as Crystal notices. This gives her the opportunity to free all 25+ of the pokemon that were trapped in the tank including Pikachu and Sandshrew. Jakey welcomes back all his pokemon which includes a Chikorita, Nidorino, and a Pidgeotto. "Welcome back, guys!", she tells

them as they greet her back. When J, J, M, & W come to... they realize that the pokemon they stole are gone to their horror.

They also notice that Lt. Surge is straight in front of them staring down TR. Each of them have their own individual looks of shock or panic. Jessie laughs in a frightened manner while blushing at Lt. Surge. Military men get all the hot chicks I guess. James eeeeee's and and then nervously laughs while "studying" Lt. Surge's body. Meowth chastizes James for not being able to drive while Wobbuffet does its usual salute to Lt. Surge. How awesome is Wobbuffet?

"It's time to round up you maggots!", shouts Crystal who's getting into this military thing. Jessie then shakes the feelings of lust out of her head and shouts at them, "We aren't going to give up to you twerps without a fight!!!" "Wooooobbbuffet!", shouts the blue thing who now salutes its new sargeant, Jessie. Jessie growls and then shouts at it to make itself useful and defend them.

"Ursaring... fall in and use zap cannon attack!", shouts Surge. Ursaring charges up a bolt of electricity and fires it at TR. But Jessie has Wobbuffet counter it reflecting the shot back on Ursaring. "The enemy is stronger than I thought! I'll have to call in back-up!", shouts Lt. Surge to absolutely no one making Crystal and Misty show anime sweatdrops.

He then yells for Raichu to fall in and use a thunderbolt. Misty then spots it and identifies it from the last time she was there with Ash. Wobbuffet is able to hold it off but then Ursaring uses another zap cannon at the command of Surge and it proves to be too much for Wobbuffet as TR ends up getting zapped.

And of course, every time TR gets zapped by a thunderbolt or a thundershock, something is bound to explode unexplainably. This time, their tank explodes without warning or explanation or common sense and it sends TR into the air yet again. "I feel fried like southern chicken", quips Meowth. "You are a chicken for driving from the backseat", retorts James. "Well thanks to you, we're all really movin now!", shouts back a toasted Meowth.

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaiiiin" "Wobbuh" .... and there they go.

"Ha ha", laughs Crystal at the electrical assault, "That was awesome!" "At your service anytime, young lady!", replies Lt. Surge who salutes her with somewhat of a disturbing smile on his face so Crystal salutes back.

Apparently.... everyone is being a sick horny bastard in this eppy.

Jakey then goes over with some of his pokemon and stutters that he's thankful that he got his pokemon back. Surge brownnoses the children and notices that Raichu is staring down Pikachu so vice versa. Surge yells at Raichu to show some respect before it gets a military beating. Misty then goes over to tell him that Pikachu was here before and it battle Raichu with its old trainer referring to Ash Ketchum.

"Oh really", Surge says as he smirks at Misty and Togepi with a glassy look in its eyes probably caused by Togepi. Misty then tells him that it was the same Pikachu that beat his Raichu because Pikachu was a lot faster. She asks him if he remembers Ash Ketchum and he says he does adding a very dodgy statement. He tells her, "You must a very special lady for him to give you his Pikachu."

Crystal then steps in and tells the enormous man that these pokemon are hers borrowed from Ash who is disabled currently. Surge turns his attention to her and tells her, "Wow... he must be really lucky to have two really good friends to take care of his pokemon while he's recovering."

The girls thank him and then he suggests that since he's feeling so good... he invites her to a favorite event of hardcore military people. That's right.... he asks her to engage in a pokemon battle to near death where one pokemon will have to be hospitalized. "Ummmmm.... that's exactly what I wanted to tell you", remarks Crystal, "I came all the way here to challenge you to a Kanto League gym battle and to get a thunder badge."

Lt. Surge bellows in laughter before saying, "Why didn't you say so little lady?! I'll give you a shot at a gym badge.... Just don't expect me to go easy on you nor expect to win because you are a little girl." "You'll soon see I'm not a little girl! Let's get this thing started!", replies Crystal while Pikachu shouts warily, "Pika-pika!"

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon??

It's Kingler...................... "Kookky-kookeeee!!!!"

We're now inside the gym where Crystal is about to battle Lt. Surge... the military hard-ass. This random redhead whom look like that skank Ariel from The Little Mermaid becomes the announcer and gym referee yelling that it'll be a three on three battle with no time limit for a Kanto League Thunder Badge. "Wow! It's golden... I don't remeber Ash's Kanto badges to be golden. Uhhhh.....I hope Crystal will be okay handling herself without Justin to help me coach", remarks Misty who's worried really that she doesn't have a real guy to be with her. Jakey then tells her that he'll stay root for and stare at Crystal. "Awww! You're so sweet!", replies Misty before Togepi turns her back into a zombie.

The Little Mermaid Skank then yells to begin the match and Crystal sends out Sandshrew to battle. Surge then tries to send out Raichu but a still vengeful Raichu refuses and dramatically points towards Pikachu apparently wanting a rematch. "What are you doing Raichu?", shout Lt. Surge unaware of what it wants. "I think Raichu wants a rematch against Pikachu!", proclaims Misty. Ahhhh yes.... looks like Raichu was humiliated that it got beat by koot lil' Pikachu and is out for bloody revenge. And there's not one Pikachu hater that would love more than to see a pokemon get bloody revenge on Pikachu.

Crystal puts a hand on Pikachu's shoulder and asks if it is ready to battle and Pikachu shouts a pumped, "Pi-pikachu!" and its ready. So Pikachu goes out to face Raichu to begin the battle. Crystal start to lose concentration due to the after-effects of the pot she probably smoked and has Pikachu attack Raichu with a thunderbolt.

....... strategy, eh? Well... she's still displaying more strategy than a National League pitcher in the batter's box.

Of course, the attack has no effect on Raichu and Surge has Raichu counter with a body slam which sends Pikachu flying. "Oh no!", gasps Crystal as Misty tells her that she can't win with just Pikachu's electric attacks. Crystal agrees so she tries to shake off her..... cobwebs..... in her head to think what she should do. And before Raichu can blast Pikachu with thunder... she has Pikachu use agility to avoid the blast and now Pikachu is circling around Raichu to the delight of her secret admirers, Misty and Jakey.

But now this time... Pikachu isn't the only one that can move. "Raichu! Use quick attack on the double!", shouts Surge and Raichu nails Pikachu stopping it in its tracks. "Raichu's much faster now!", gasps Misty whom surely will be much faster once she becomes 18 <rim shot>. Crystal has Pikachu retaliate with a double-edge attack which sends them both flying. Pikachu then tries to tackle Raichu whom escapes with another double team.

Now Crystal's body has gone into heavy nervous sweating mode since Pikachu is mostly powerless against Raichu. Pikachu is also very nervous and Surge senses this and has Raichu use a thunder attack which blasts Pikachu to the ground. Surge then tells Raichu to finish it off with a body slam and it looks like Raichu is going to flatten the pokemon icon but of course, Nintendo would never let that happen as their revenues would seriously decrease if poor Pikachu was turned into Pika-roadkill.

So alas Pikachu haters, before Raichu can body slam Pikachu, Pikachu is ordered to use quick attack and it gets up and spears Raichu. Misty shouts for Pikachu after coming back as it then tries to get away with agility. Then Raichu uses a thunderbolt spreading electricity everywhere and at its deevolved counterpart. Pikachu tries its darndest to escape all the voltage but the attack eventually scores a hit tagging Pikachu to the concern of Crystal, Misty, and especially Sandshrew.

Apparently.... dodginess is now going beyond children in this episode.

Raichu then wraps up the battle body slamming Pikachu sending the yellow mouse with freaky red cheeks into la-la land and unable to continue. And thus, Pikachu haters rejoice as Pikachu gets a rare ass whooping. Crystal and Sandshrew run over to the fallen Pikachu and congratulate it on a great effort despite losing miserably ...... well not miserably... but let's keep the Pikachu haters happy.

Pikachu, who's now cradled in Crystal's arms looks lovingly at Crystal as she smiles maternally at Pikachu. "Pii....piii-ka", groans the weak Pikachu as it then looks deeply into the eyes of Sandshrew who is lovingly staring back. Crystal then has it take a break as Jakey pities Pikachu citing that it had no chance. Misty then adds that Surge had the edge in both experience and evolution that time.

Crystal then sighs and sends out Sandshrew to clean up. Surge has Raichu use an iron tail attack but Sandshrew jumps and then quickly finishes Raichu after Crystal orders an earthquake attack. Surge drills Raichu to try and get up and it does for a moment before falling back down unable to continue. Lt. Surge then removes Raichu saying, "You put up a good fight soldier!", hiding the fact that it'll all day boot camp tomorrow for losing in record time to a Sandshrew.

Surge's next pokemon is a Porygon (that pokemon from the Pokemon seizure episode) whom is seemingly made out of building blocks and blurts out robotically, "Porygon". "A porygon? I've only seen those used in high-tech military operations. I've never seen a porygon in battle", notes Crystal. Misty wonders how its going to battle as Togepi beckons, "The way I want all my subjects to battle... in honor of their ruler, Togepi. Ha ha ha ha ha", or some hear it as, "Toge-prii".

Sandshrew uses another earthquake attack but then Surge has Porygon use Conversion2 attack and it somehow makes the earthquake attack obsolete. Crystal asks aloud, "What the hell happened??" Surge answers that Porygon's conversion2 attack switches Porygon to a type the opponent is weak against. Since "Private" Sandshrew is a ground type, Porygon became a flying type rendering earthquake useless. Crystal concludes that if Sandshrew can't use ground attacks... Then Sandshrew is in trouble.

Porygon then nails Sandshrew with a psybeam attack nailing Sandshrew to the panic of an inexperienced Cris-tal. Rather than start tripping over watching Sandshrew go down, Crystal makes Sandshrew return for the time being. Sandshrew is reluctant at first, but Crystal promises her oldest stoner buddy that she'll let him battle again later. And thus Sandshrew returns... and after a moment to breathe in some much needed fresh air... Crystal sends out Bulbasaur who comes out with a ,"Saur... Bulbasaur!", cry.

Surge attacks Bulbasaur with a thunder attack which Bulbasaur absorbs and on command, counters with razor leaf. Crystal anticipates that Porygon will mainly use electric moves so she decides to keep Bulbasaur locked in position so it can absorb the attacks easier. But Surge throws yet another curve ball towards his adversary and has Porygon use........ Fire blast??!!!

Porygon lets loose a 2 mph fire blast to the shock of Crystal and Bulbasaur. "If Bulbasaur gets burned by that attack, it'll be seriously damaged", gasps Misty. "Crystal has to do something!", adds the bratty Jakey. And as the ultra-slow fire blast approaches Bulbasaur, Crystal finally shouts at Bulbasaur to get out of the way. Bulbasaur suddenly becomes fleet-footed and evades the fire blast at the last second.

Gee...... wonder if Bulbasaur was just playin' with Porygon's virtual emotions as well as Surge's alleged emotions there.....

Porygon misses another fire blast before Cris-tal has Bulbasaur use vine whip. Porygon evades the vines the first couple times as Surge commands the robotic pokemon subordinate to "fall out". But Bulbasaur eventually traps the robotic duck thingy with its vines trapping it momentarily. But Surge has it use sharpen which hurts Bulbasaur’s vines and thus releasing Porygon from the tough little plant-animal's clutches.

Porygon then uses another psybeam before Cris-tal's seen enough and wants to end it. So she also shouts like a drill sargeant yelling, "Bulbasaur, use your vine whip again and this time DON'T LET GO!!!" She sounds very confident yelling orders perhaps cuz she often yells at Sandshrew not to let go of her constant stash of "goodies". Bulbasaur gets the message loud and clear grabbing and squeezing Porygon as tight as it can.

Cris-tal then has it finish off Porygon with sleep powder and Bulbasaur releases a cloud of powder similar to what Crystal or Noctowl would snort. The powder affects Porygon as its eyes get red and its circuits and system is bugged, then it passes out. The red-headed skank announcer declares Porygon unable to battle giving Bulbasaur the victory. Crystal congratulate Bulbasaur on dealing its dangerous substance towards Porygon.

Surge calls back its robotic type pokemon grunting. Its probably due to the fact that Bulbasaur has proven that robots are not ready to replace actual soldiers on the war combat field. But one day... instead of human casualties in wars... it'll be robotic casualties that no one cares about losing their "lives" in future wars. "You're much more difficult than I thought private Crystal", shouts Lt. Surge despite the fact Crystal never told him her name, "... but your war is far from over!", as he sends out the sexually frustrated Ursaring.

As far as how Lt. Surge knew Crystal's name..... believe what you will.

Bulbasaur tries vine whip but Ursaring jumps and body slams Bulbasaur. Surge then commands, "Zap cannon! Ready...... aim........ fire!" Ursaring fires the shot of voltage which Bulbasaur barely dodges when Crystal shouts in panic to watch out. She then tells Bulbasaur to use razor leaf which keeps Ursaring at bay until Surge tells it to combat with a thunderpunch. Unfortunately for poor Bulbasaur, Ursaring packs so much sexual frustration into his punch that it tags Bulbasaur really, really hard knocking it out.

Ursaring roars in triumph and then towers over Bulbasaur to try and release some sexual frustration. Luckily, Crystal calls back Bulbasaur before that can happen and she thanks Bulbasaur for the effort. "Poor Bulbasaur never had a chance!", mourns Jakey in sadness that his dream girl lost the battle. Crystal then tells its partner Sandshrew that its down to him.

Sandshrew then jumps out all excited at the second chance it gets. Crystal tells Sandshrew to use slash but Ursaring's sexual frustration is too powerful for the plush doll look alike. Thus, Sandshrew gets body slammed to the surface as Lt. Surge then calls for Ursaring to thrash. The horny bear then glows red with rage and it begins to kick Sandshrew's ass.

Crystal tries to counter by having Sandshrew use sandstorm as it covers the battle field in sand. Yet, Ursaring is still thrashing and still kicking Sandshrew's ass despite that. Misty then gasps recognizing, "Thrash is Ursaring's strongest attack!" "Poor Crystal can't win!", quips love struck Jakey.

Crystal then looks like she is looking hopeless thinking, "Looks like this is the end..." But then, Misty notices that Ursaring is going despite Togepi's hypnotic control and all the sand in the way. Noticing that Ursaring has gone totally berserk, she tells Crystal, "Crystal, look! All the thrashing is making Ursaring confused... try to have Sandshrew take advantage of it."

Crystal at first doesn't have a clue at what to do. But then she sees the light and figures, "If Ursaring is confused.... then I might still have a chance!" And she shouts through the ongoing sandstorm towards Sandshrew to brace itself. Lt. Surge then yells at Ursaring to body slam it so Ursaring jumps up into the sandy air ready to squash the poor plush doll type pokemon. But at the last second, Crystal has Sandshrew suddenly dart aside Ursaring's target area as Misty and Jakey look on in awe.

Whether or not they're in awe of the battle or in awe of Crystal's sexy ass is up to each individual dodger to decide.

Anyhoo.... Ursaring doesn't see Sandshrew move and it lands hard on the ground right on its chest. Crystal wastes no time commanding Sandshrew to use its skull bash. Through the blinding sand, Sandshrew aims its head towards its target like a missile and despite Surge's desperate plea to "fall out.... on the double!", Sandshrew's skull slams into Ursaring who appears to be on another planer when the sand clears.

The only creature that may have a better skull bash attack would have to be Ash considering that skull is so thick.... And maybe our beloved 43rd president of the US George Dubya Bush.

The Ariel look-alike declares Ursaring unable to battle and Crystal the winner of the match. "We did it!", shouts Crystal in joy as Pikachu suddenly jumps ahead with joy shouting, "Pikachu!" Crystal then picks up and hugs Sandshrew in total joy being that she won her first ever gym battle. Lt. Surge comes over to congratulate her as well.

"I never met a young trainer that has had as much resolve and composure as you do.", he states. Misty then cracks, "...unlike Ash!", while Togepi roars in laughter at the ongoing humiliation of the cripple. Lt. Surge then resumes, "If you keep up your training, you may have a chance of becoming Kanto League Champion." Crystal then compliments him saying that it was an honor battling him and blah blah blah. Pikachu also congratulates Raichu on regaining its good name and kicking its ass.

Outside, Jakey approaches Crystal to basically tell him that he sucks too much to compete in a gym battle and will train until he doesn't suck. Of course, he doesn't say it like that according to 4Kids but that's what he means. Crystal is then charmed by the younger ten year old boy and she then gives him some lovin'. (SHE GIVES HIM A HUG!!!...... GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA)

"Heeeeyy!", shouts a voice....... Justin's voice. "Justin!", shouts Misty with delight having nothing to look at but a little brat, Togepi, and Crystal's ass. "I had a fun time at school... although I'm sorry I missed your match", notes Justin whose hair is all messed up. I bet he did have a good time one of the fine hos of Vermilion City U. Crystal then tells him to take a look at the golden thunder badge she won.

"Wow! You actually won!", gasps Justin, "I don't believe it.... it's usually unheard of for a trainer to win their first ever gym battle. Outstanding job!" Well now, Crystal has something upon which to show up Justin. And thus, the threesome is reunited as they, Pikachu, and Sandshrew wave goodbye to Jakey. Jakey shouts thanks for helping his pokemon and also... he'll now have someone to think of besides Britney Spears when he goes home to hump his mattress.

Meanwhile, out in a nearby forest somewhere..... Team Rocket is moping about their bad luck while Wobbuffet patiently salutes them. "Well... we were building up a solid army with the pokemon we stole", whines James. "Can it home boy!", angrily yells Meowth. "That's right", adds a down looking Jessie, "Besides, who cares about the twerps' army when we already have an army around us we can worry about", as the scene zooms out to reveal a pack of Ursaring surrounding our beloved anti-heroes. Whether or not the Ursaring are horny can't be determined so use your imagination.

And thus we close as we hear a "Wobbbbuh" from Wobbuffet to sum up the situation as we fade to black............ after.... All the Ursaring growl, "HAAARRRRAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!" And thus we move on with the Kanto League journey...... after ..... we see Jessie in a cold sweat, laughing dryly and trying to back herself into James who's uncomfortable with her movement.

(C) Dragonitemare MMI..... anything about this ending's similarities to the Forest Grumps is purely coincidental and Dragonitemare is not responsible for any coincidences with actual episodes or dodginess. Donations to my trial expenses if necessary may be made to Dragonitemare c/o Ride Her Rough University PO Box 5282 Ashhole, ID, USA, 84700-1999. Minimum contribution $50.00.. uh, I mean $5000.00.