Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 2

GETTIN' RICH AGAIN

Today, Ash, Misty, and Brock (A, M, and B) are together as always at the Johto tournament. They're in the bleachers catching some other matches.... but they're about some more company....... company that's been a lot more horny.

That's right.............. Ash's mommy and daddy (Prof. Oak) have come to watch Ash in the tournament.... and they even brought Tracey along to watch. Yep, Tracey's back!

"Hey guys", yells Ash as if they were all family.

?????????

?????????.....Oh wait, silly me, they are family. Even Tracey in a way by now I'm sure.

They all chat about how everyone has been. Tracey tries to hit on Misty but she turns him down saying, "I've been just fine", knowing she's got two pieces of meat sleeping with her wherever she goes. They continue to chatter until the next match is announced. The first trainer is a black girl named Erica Smith after which Brock asks Misty if it's ok to root for her. Misty just shows a sweatdrop and gives Brock a dumb look. And the other trainer that comes out is announced as.............................

...

!!! OH GOOD GOD NO! IT'S RICHIE! THE ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT IS BACK!

Ash and co. have a stunned look on their face while the rest of the world panics and runs in terror..

So Richie/Bitch has entered the Johto tournament, too.

Clap, clap, clap

So the battle begins, Erica has sent out Magneton while Richie sends out his Sparky (Pikachu). A battle ensues and Sparky downs Magneton. So Erica sends out her Exeggutor and Richie stays with Sparky. Sparky tries a thunderbolt but Exeggutor absorbs it and gives the little Pikachu reject with a bad haircut an egg bomb which hits little brat Sparky right in the head. This knocks out Sparky, Richie frowns like a little girl and calls back Sparky.

Ash comments that Richie is looking better than ever while I comment that I still wish he'd move to the planet Saturn and never come back to Earth. Then, Richie sends out Zippo, that little Charmander that he had, only now, Zippo's evolved into a Charizard. To this, Ash comments the obvious, "That Zippo may be stronger but it's not as strong as my Charizard!" Misty replies, "Yeah, but at least he still has a Charizard." Ash shows a sweatdrop, she continues, "Maybe if you didn't fall for that broad's garbage back in Charizard's valley, you'd still have your big savior". "I DON'T NEED CHARIZARD TO WIN THE JOHTO TOURNAMENT" yells Ash at Misty and then they continue to argue like all lovers do.

Ash's mom tries to yell at her son to stop but thinks better of it knowing all too well you can't break up lovers' quarrels. "Oh well" she says towards Prof. Oak, "You know what those arguments are like don't ya?" to which he nods to his lover. Hehehehehehehehehe.

But Team Twerp isn't the only ones looking in on the action for watching through their patented binoculars up in the nosebleed seats are Team Rocket fresh off their stint on MTV's Jackass. "Hey look, it's that other twerp from the other league" notes Jessie. "With that other Pikachu.. " notes James. "Hmmmmm" they both hmmm. Then, a Magmar appears over both their heads and shoots fire into the air to acknowledge that have an idea. Jessie says, "Hey, if we can't beat that other twerp, maybe we can snatch this twerp's pokemon" to which James says, "That is the most super idea I've heard from you Jess."

Gay, isn't it?

"See, I told you it pays sometimes to pay for stuff. Including these locker room passes.", remarks Jessie. TR is ready to go but when Jesse calls for Meowth, there's no response. When she calls again, she sees Meowth over by a vender buying a cold, foamy beverage. Jessie shouts at him to come on and Meowth wobbles over and stutters, "Im a noment, Jaysie.... let me just have one more drink". J & J yell at him why he's drinking. Meowth stumbles, "I may be a Meowth but at least I'm of legal Meowth age!" I guess this justifies that all the kiddies can learn that it's ok to be slobbering drunk when you turn 21. Jessie then, being the dominatrix that she is, just drags him away with his frosty, cold beverage.

Heh heh heh heh heh heh! Never expected a drunk Meowth did cha?

Oh yeah by the way as if anyone cares, there's a match going on. Richie's Zippo and Erica's Exeggutor trade blows before Zippo finishes off Eggy with a fire spin. Then, Erica calls out her final, and strongest pokemon according to her, a Piloswine, I guess you could call it a cousin itt type pokemon with hair everywhere and a little snout near the ground. Laugh all you want, but the cousin itt type pokemon easily beats the hell out the mighty Charizard wanna be. This leaves Richie/Bitch stunned and then he decides that he brings out his duh-duh duhhhhh.... ultimate weapon. This ultimate weapon, named Tyler, happens to be a Tyranitar.

Note: Chances are excellent that you're a huge loser if you name your ultimate pokemon a wimpy name such as Tyler. Like Richie.

"What is that?!" gapes Ash like a stunned little boy. You'd think that if he's wanting to be a pokemon master he'd know about every pokemon by now. So he whips out Dexter to check it out while Brock comments about how rare and legendary it is while Tracey tries to sketch either the Tyranitar or Erica's finely shaped ass.

So Richie sends out .... Tyler (heh heh heh heh heh) ...... to battle. Piloswine tries a Rollout but ... Tyler... is seemingly unaffected and it takes just one earthquake attack from Tyranitar to knock out Piloswine, Erica's "strongest" pokemon. The announcer declares Richie the winner and he squeals, "We did it Sparky!" Ash quips about how anyone could possibly beat it.

Ugh, what a nightmare... but thankfully on his way out, he'll be interrupted.

On his way out, a smoke bomb goes off and he's almost all choked up with smoke. Aw, poor baby. When the smoke clears, we hear two familiar voices laughing. Richie asks who's there since he's a total loser not to know who Team Rocket it Team Rocket could Team Rocket be.

"Ahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha"

"Prepare for trouble big time twerp!" shouts Jessie.
"And make it double you little jerk!" announces James accurately.
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all people's within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight"

And then Meowth with a bruscky leaps up and tries to say his part, "Meowth, thaaaa" but he falls on his face so Wobbuffet fills in for him.

"Wobb" he announces joyfully. Then Jessie comments, "Good thing he can fill in when Meowth can't finish." Then Richie bitches his way in, recognizes them from the past encounter and asks what they plan to do.

"Well, since we can never beat that other twerp and his Pikachu, we've decided to take on you and your Pikachu, ahahahahahaha". "Not so fast" whines Richie who goes for his pokeballs wanting to call out Tyler, but Jessie uses a special type of lasso shaped like a hand to snatch his pokeballs. Jessie laughs and talks about her new gizmo she made to which James PUN-ishes us saying, "You've really got to hand it to her." "Enough chatter..... let's go!" shouts Jessie. "Roger" reminisces James. They turn around to go when Jessie asks where Meowth is but he's still stumbling around. So they grab him, Jessie calls back Wobbuffet, and they run off with Richie/Bitch in pursuit. "Aaahhhh, you made me thpill my dwink. Ughhh!" slobbers Meowth. Hehehehehehehe.

Richie grrrs like a girl and says he's got to find a way to get his pokemon back.

Richie still runs after TR and thinks to his bitch-ass self that he only has one chance to get his pokemon back. So he takes out some kind of lucky stone and hurls it at Jessie.

The lucky bitch not only hits Jessie, but makes her drop his pokemon and makes her fall over onto James and Meowth. James had his legs split apart and Jessie was buckled over on top on him with her ass up on top of the pile.

I'll give you a moment to savor that image.

"Now I've got you" squeals Richie who's picked up his stone and his pokeballs. This to which James, still in the pile, yells, "Ugh! Meowth! Your breath reeks!" Jessie pops up warns Richie that he won't escape and sends out Arbok to attack the little f*cker Richie. James sends out Victreebel which attacks Meowth. Meowth stumbles around with Victreebel on its head. "Get shore shmelly jaws ahhh....offa me!" yells Meowth. Richie calls out Tyler....

..............

.............. I know....... p*ssy name by a p*ssy pokemon trainer

Jessie tells Arbok to use poison sting and Victreebel gets off Meowth just long enough to use razor leaf but Tyranitar just barrels right through the attacks and body slams TR.

And just like that, they're sent blasting off.

Jessie moans and then states, "Guess we can't beat this twerp either." "At weast I didn't spill my dwink" mumbles a plastered Meowth.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blastin' off again" they yell.

Richie looks at them going with a constepated look on his face then boasts, "With my ultimate weapon, nothing will stop me from winning the Johto league championship!"

And now it's evident.... Richie and Tyler must be stopped for the good of Pokemopolis. No! For the good of the world! But who has the balls big enough to challenge Tyler the Tyranitar? Who's strong enough to beat the unbeatable Tyranitar? What pokemon could possibly be up to the challenge?

After that bit of foreshadowing we thankfully are done with Richie for now and focus back on a nearby pokemon lounge where Ash and Co. are hanging out. Misty, Brock, Tracey, Prof. Oak, and Mrs. Ketchum are chattering about their sexcapades during the Johto league and back in Pallet. Prof. Oak even said, "We've had a lot of fun while you were away."

Oh we know you've all had a lot of fun, Samuel. A TON of FUN!!

Brock, appreciative of active sexual lives, comments that he's thankful that they're all doing okay.

Well, I'm not sure about Tracey, but they've been doing just fine Brock-o.

So they're all yukking it up. All except for Ash who is standing anxiously in the corner with Pikachu in his clutches.

....

GETCHA MIND OUTTA THE GUTTA!!!!

Misty goes over to see what's the matter with Ash like any good lover would. She asks what's the matter and he replies that he's worried about Richie and Tyler. She commiserates with him that Tyler is an incredible pokemon adding no matter what happens in the tournament, everyone will still be proud of him as long as he tries his hardest not mentioning that she'll still give him good h**d.

Ash, being the insensitive little bastard just yells at her saying if he can't beat Tyler he'll never become a pokemon master.

Yeah, that might be true. But no wonder he doesn't get any.

Brock comes over and breaks up the argument and notifies Ash that it's almost time for his Round 2 match.

This gets Ash to show some maturity for a change saying that he might not have an "invincible" pokemon, but he's determined to have his pokemon take him as far as he can in the tournament. "All right then, then let's go and win this one Ash!" shouts Tracey out of nowhere. "Win one for Mother!" adds Mrs. Ketchum.

So the scene shifts to the stadium where the match is already underway on fire type field with a lava pool in the middle. Ash is ahead already knocking out one of the opponent's pokemon. The opponent, a blonde teen with an ugly bowl cut, sends out Ninetales to face Ash's Cyndaquil who is already on the field. Ninetales uses flamethrower which Cyndaquil dodges with agility. After a quick attack by Cyndaquil, the Brandon-type pokemon, Ninetales is ordered to use confuse ray which sends Cyndaquil ab-so-lute-leee trippin'. Cyndaquil stumbled around like it's high on LSD before Ash calls it back.

Now Ash has a dilemma... he doesn't have any other pokemon that could take the heat of the fire type field. ?? Or does he? Ash throws out a pokeball and out comes the ultimate sexual predator.... no not Prof. Oak, but Muk. Tracey gets out his sketch pad (which is probably loaded by now with xxx drawings of Prof. Oak) and comments that Ash made a smart decision (which is an event in itself whenever that happens) knowing that Muk has an advantage against fire type pokemon.

Ninetales uses flamethrower but Muk isn't too affected since it's been exposed to many flames at Prof. Oak's place. Muk counters with Toxic and it seems to poison Ninetales. Then, Muk hits it with a sludge attack before finally Ash tells it to use its body slam. Now to Muk this could only mean one thing.... time to get your groove on. Muk topples over Ninetales and starts to rape the poor fox-type thing. Ninetales has been fixed and thus unable to battle.

Muk is the winner and the field switches to a solid steel type surface. The opponent calls out an Alakazam so Ash calls back Muk and decides who he should use. Then, Ash

actually thinks of something (which is a miracle for his intellectually challenged body). He knows that the steel surface will conduct electricity so he sends out Pikachu to face Alakazam. Alakazam tries kinesis but Pikachu run around it with Agility. Pikachu then hits Alakazam with a quick attack which it tries to counter with a psybeam. But, Pikachu again escapes with agility.

Then Ash, being the vindictive SOB that he is roars out to the cuddly widdle electric mouse, "Let's win this, give Alakazam a huge thunderbolt." And give it does, frying

Alakazam into next Tuesday making him pass out. The victory is awarded to Ash. A pretty easy one really, and he didn't even need some freaky, ugly monster named Tyler to help him do it.

Back in the locker room everyone, even the women, are there to congratulate Ash as he changes out of his battle clothes. Mrs. Ketchum, who will also be taking clothes later that night, tells Ash that she's real proud of him and tells him what he's capable of if he focuses. Prof. Oak who knows all about nifty moves comments that it was a great idea to use Muk in the lava field. And they talk on until Brock yells out, "Free ice cream tonight on me!"

Must be using the money he gets from pimpin all those fine hos he comes across.

And so the announcer closes saying that Ash learns that in order for him to win, he (moral values) blah, blah, blah, and not concentrate on any annoying little punks and their

freaky, f*cked up pokemon.

BULLSHIT!, or as you kiwi would say, BOLLOCKS!

The real moral of this story is that Richie isn't only annoying and stupid, but he's now also evil and sinister, too. And he must be stopped but that goes without saying.

To Be Continued