Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 26

Despite the dodgy activities of Crystal and the hyphen separating the E, the title doesn't necessarily mean anything suggestive... At least as far as we know.

...........................

...........................

Drat!!!!!!!!!!

Though each individual dodger can make that appear as dodgy as he or she would like in their own mind..... With that aside, we recall that last time Cris-tal was supposed to have taken on Sabrina for a Kanto League marsh badge. But just before the battle, Sabrina loses track of Espeon whom runs off into the city and eventually into the park. So Sabrina and our threesome head out into the city after Espeon and their pokemon help them narrow their search down to the woods. Pikachu and Sandshrew then help our twerps find Espeon who was poke-napped by Team Rocket.

After yet another victory over TR, Crystal and Sabrina had their battle. It was a tough fought battle as all of the pokemon involved (Cyndaquil, German accent Kadabra, Sandshrew, Espeon) gave their best effort. But in the end, Espeon proved its strong abilities and ko'ed Sandshrew with a psychic attack. So now... with Crystal losing her gym battle to Sabrina, a rematch seems like the only way to continue Crystal's journey. But with the fact that Sabrina's pokemon are so unbeatable, the question remains 'Exactly how much aderol does Sabrina's pokemon use?'

Oh wait........................... oh................ yeah??? .................... oh whoops... I've just been informed by 4Kids and Nintendo that the question really should be....'Is there even a reason to have a rematch if Sabrina's pokemon are too strong?"

<cue intro>

We catch up with our trio at the Saffron City Pokemon Center where Justin and Misty are standing over a downtrodden Crystal though she is relaxed despite her tough gym battle loss...... I wonder what reenergized her.... heh. It should be pointed out here that Misty and Justin also look quite token............ Cris-tal does have influence after all!! You know guys.... I've been thinking about something...", says Cris-tal. "What?", asks Justin more calmly than usual. "What if I can't beat Sabrina and I end up failing in my Kanto League quest? Then I might have to accept failure.." Unlike Ash.... who just keeps trying no matter how impossible the task is.... the thick-headed SOB. "I know it seems tough ..... but I've had experience being a good pokemon trainer..", notes Justin embellishing himself. "I thought good pokemon trainers never say that they're good...", quips Misty striking his ego back down.

Justin sweats and then finishes that there is always a way to beat any pokemon trainer..... even the very best. You just have to find the right strategy to beat them. Misty confirms with what just says adding her to Justin's coaching that people should use different strategies against different types of trainers. "I'm not worried that I can't ever beat Sabrina.... it's just that I can't stay stuck on trying to win a marsh badge from her for another four or five matches", she tells them.

"Pika-pi-pikachu!", confirms Pikachu, the crown jewel of Nintendo's pokemon empire, knowing that no animated series can be stuck on the same gym for more than a handful of episodes. "Hmm...", figures Justin as he and Misty know that Crystal can't talk herself into a sure victory.... so Misty decides that they need to contact someone that's thick enough to think they'll win every match.... even though he may have no chance. Yep... it's one of those video-conference calls with our favorite crack-baby, Ash Ketchum. "Hey Ash!", brightly says Misty who's missing her boyfriend as I write this. "Hey Misty.... I've missed everyone! How is everything?", he asks. "Everything is okay.... Though Crystal is feeling somewhat down, she recently lost a tough gym battle to Sabrina, the Saffron City gym leader", she says. "She's feeling a little bit down", repeats Justin, "We were just wondering if you had any advice at all." "After all", adds Misty sarcastically, "You are a pokemon master by now, aren't you?"

"Hey..... that's not funny, I haven't had a chance to master anything for a couple of months now!", he yells back, "Unlike you, Misty... you've had a major chance to do some training without me. Are you a water pokemon master yet?... I didn't think so!" "HEY... I'M A LOT CLOSER THAN YOU TO BEING ANY SORT OF MASTER!!!", shouts back Misty.

Make of that dodgy statement anything you want with your imagination.

Justin then gets between them and breaks them up with a sweat drop down the back of his head suggesting that maybe Ash talk to Crystal. "Uhhh..... okay", says Ash sounding confused as usual trying to figure out who this Cris..... tull girl is. So Ash goes to talk to this strange, unknown girl and he beams as he realizes that it was the girl who took very good care of her at the hospital. He especially must have liked the ways she was touching his body gently with her four fingers... "Hey Crystal....", says Ash. Crystal greets Ash as he suggests that she must be feeling down. Crystal admits that she's a little down but she then says that she isn't going to let one loss get her too down. "Uhhh.... that's good", is all that dimwitted Ash can reply to her. "I'm just worried that I might not be good enough to even make it to the Kanto League"

Ash then does actually give her some good advice from that damaged brain of hers saying, "Well.... I can tell you that the best way to win is to train your pokemon and trust their abilities. Even if you lose, if you trust in your pokemon, you'll be a winner in everyone's eyes." In other words, even if she isn't a winner, she'll be a loser's form of a winner if she listens to Ash. Knowing that listening to Ash shouldn't be her first option, she suggests to Ash's expertise in pokemon battles. "I just wish there was another way to get an upper hand on Sabrina", she then says. "Hmmm..", thinks Ash causing his brain to fry and strain like it rarely does, "Well, the first thing I could suggest is examining the type match-ups." Crystal suggests that Ash is right..... I mean... it is only kind of important after all <sarcasm>.

Crystal tells him that Sabrina uses psychic pokemon so Ash knows that they are weak against ghost and bug-type pokemon. Crystal confirms that, but she doesn't happen to have any ghost or bug type pokemon. ............................ or does she?? "Hey... wait a minute!! Ash, do you think Prof. Oak will lend me your Heracross?? It would be a big help for me in my rematch." Ash believes that he's sure to lend her Heracross. Especially with Heracross all too willing to reunite with its love Bulbasaur.... Ash then comments that he can't believe that Crystal is going toe to toe with Sabrina. Unlike her, Ash got his ass kicked every time he took on Sabrina which Misty is all too eager to point out.

Crystal is flattered by Ash's comments and that she promises to get this gym victory for her and Ash. (Good thing Misty wasn't listening to that....) And then they say good-bye as Meganium jumps onto Ash's wheelchair perhaps crushing his legs again as the big ugly thing tries to hump it. "Waaaaaaaahhh! Calm down Meganium.... I have plenty of time to play with you....", shouts Ash in peril. And with that..... they disconnect..... dodgy occurrences aside.

But we don't see Ash get disconnected to be handicapped and sexually assaulted by Meganium, for we witness Team Rocket spying at our threesome in the pokemon center through those high tech binoculars. "Ugh..... I'm so getting twerped out by those twerps! I just can't wait till we get our hands on Pikachu and Sandshrew", moans Jessie. "What are they doing in there, Jess?", asks James as Jessie responds that they are just twerping around the pokemon center. She also notices that they don't seem too happy in there. James enlightens his teammates that Crystal probably lost her recent gym battle. "Oh yeah..... to that psychic chick...", remembers Jessie. "Ya mean da psycho chick! Rahmemba when she was possessed by dat little doll and froze us still?", corrects Meowth as they then flashback to when that creepy little doll attacked them when they captured Ash & co. "Oh yeah.... I remember that. It felt like I was stuck in a dance number for eternity... And not a good dance either...", James whines.

Oh how those homosexuals love to dance....

Meowth then resumes Team Rocket's professionalism...... or what their version of professionalism is. "Enough about dancin', I've come up wit a grand ol scheme with an ingenious device to help suck up Pikachu", says Meowth. "Well what is it?", ask J & J simultaneously as Meowth dresses up in formal attire and glasses. Standing in front of a curtain, Meowth tugs on a rope and announces, "Pre-paring Team Rocket supa technalogical device... serial numba 00562!" He pulls up the red curtain to reveal their dreaded machine to be feared by all mortals. It's a very deadly and sinister............................. vacuum???

"A vacuum??", shouts James which brings Jessie to utter her dodgiest quotes in a long time. "Do we really need all that fanfare before we see anything that does sucking??", she yells. “Like us?”, adds James for a perfect punch line.

........ We sure know that Jessie and James don't like too much fanfare before sucking... don't we??

But Meowth continues yelling, "Wait a minuuuuuuuutte! What dis thing also does is suck of any sand and absorb all ground attacks." "Ha HA! It's Shrewproof", laughs Jessie. "Dat's not all!", says Meowth, "Dis thing can also run on da electricity of electric pokemon... so it's also pika-proof!" "Then we have our whole strategy covered", foolishly laughs James. Meowth then cuts him off saying, "Dat's not all! Bafore we can operate dis vacuum, we hafta trap da twoips somehow." Jessie asks him how he plans to do that. Meowth replies that he has an idea to get all of them.... and it's an idea that is unprecedented for Team Rocket. An idea that takes our imagination to its limits to try and comprehend how they could pull off such a scheme. One that rivals the planning of the September 11th attacks (And yes Osama, your days are still numbered). A scheme that fascinates those young and old. Yes.... for Team Rocket will trap our threesome by ................................................................................................................................................................................... digging a hole!!!!

This makes Jessie and James fall over in shock as then Jessie and James zip back up. Jessie yells at the scratch-cat, "You know, you're being awfully overdramatic recently." "And before you came along, I didn't think that was possible", adds James demonstrating his love for the dramatic.... common among weird looking gay folk. "But despite all that.... it appears as if you finally came up with a plan that can't lose, Meowth!", states Jessie. "Eh.... I wish I coulda gotten ya help.... but you ain't bright enough to have helped me here. So I thoughta dis scheme on my own", says Meowth. "Whatever Meowth", interrupts James, "Lets just put this scheme into action!"

"Yaaahoah!", they all shout ready to begin as Wobbuffet pops up just then to shout out its readiness, "Woooooooooobbbbuuuuhhhffet!" But Jessie quickly calls it back and then clears her throat. "Let's declare our readiness again only with those that are really ready...", she then says not even acknowledging her friendly blue pokemon. They then shout out their weird cry again, "Yaaahoah!!"

It is then that Nurse Joy No. 1011856446 comes out to announce that Crystal's pokemon have fully recovered and out comes Cyndaquil, Sandshrew, and jittery-winged Noctowl who helped fight TR. "Hey guys.... how are y'all feelin?", she asks them. They all say their catch cries as Nurse Joy then asks Crystal if she's feeling okay. Crystal lies and says she's fine as Nurse Joy picks up on that she must have lost to Sabrina at the Saffron City Gym. Well..... she's wrong.... Crystal didn't lose to her at the actual gym. Dumbass!!!

"Yeah.... I bet you get many of Sabrina's opponents here", hints Crystal and Nurse Joy confirms she does. Crystal explains that she tried to outthink Sabrina's strategy but that her pokemon were still to powerful for her own. "Pikachu", adds a saddened Pikachu who has yet to witness anyone actually beat Sabrina in a real pokemon match. Nurse Joy then does something that is getting pretty typical of her, I mean.... besides dressing like a whore, caring obsessively for pokemon, and having eerily similar looking relatives. She then gives Crystal some advice about maybe why she lost to Crystal. She suggests that so many trainers lose to Sabrina because they get caught up in trying to battle her type of pokemon match. "What does that mean?", asks a perplexed Crystal intuitively looking much smarter than her pokemon trainer counterpart when it comes to interrogating.

Nurse Joy explains that many times when trainers battle Sabrina, it becomes a mental war. Crystal then flashes back >to the moments when Cyndaquil's attacks went head to head with German Kadabra's attack and then to when Sandshrew's attack became deadlocked with Espeon's attack. Crystal then tells Nurse Joy that she she was trying to think so hard about how she could track down and locate Sabrina's psychic pokemon. "Hmmmm... I see", says Nurse Joy while she talks to Crystal facing away from her and out the window then adding, "Then I guess you played right into her strategy."

"Really?", gasps Crystal though not dramatically. Nurse Joy continues that trainers have different kinds of strategies for beating their opponents and with gym leaders, their strategies are even more complex and well-planned. "I know what you mean Nurse Joy...", interrupts Misty as we flash back to Kadabra and Espeon, "Sabrina had her pokemon use all those teleports to jump all over the place and confuse Crystal. Thus, it became a battle of Crystal's wits against Sabrina's wits in which case, Sabrina is much stronger." Crystal opens her jaw slightly to this revelation and the aftereffects of that crack-cocaine. "So how am I supposed to outwit her?", Crystal asks sudden guru Nurse Joy, "You're not!", Joy replies.

"Oh?", wonders Crystal as Joy finishes, "You have to try and beat Sabrina and all your other opponents your way..... however you battle your best." "Nurse Joy is right", agrees Justin adding that she has to use her strengths whether they're her pokemon's great strength, their quickness, or her ability to work with her pokemon. "That's great.... except I'm not exactly sure what my strengths are at this stage of my journey", mentions Crystal..... after all, she ain't a genius yous advice givin' dummies!!! So Nurse Joy suggests that maybe she try and get as much of an advantage as possible by using high level pokemon and favorable type match-ups. "Okay, since Sabrina is a psychic type trainer, that means I should use ghost and bug pokemon", she says, "And Ash says that Professor Oak will lend me Heracross.... so let me call Professor Oak". And with that, Crystal goes to the videophone once again to call the dirty, horny Professor.

We notice Professor Oak fallen asleep WITH HIS HEAD ON THE BACKSIDE OF MUK!!!

...................................................... Okay, we all know that Prof. Oak is one sick f*ck but this may take the cake....

"Uhhh... Professor?", curiously asks Crystal as Oakky continues to snooze. Justin and Misty notice the passed out dirty statement with a disturbed look on both their faces. "Professor?.............. PROFESSOOOOOOOOR!", shouts Crystal finally waking up the drunken goofball. "Heeeeyy.... what's the big idea?" groggily wonders Old Man Oak while Muk tiredly looks around from its nap, too. "Sorry to disturb you Professor, but I really need to borrow Heracross", states Crystal. "You need Heracross, eh?", says Oak sounding like the secretly perverted old geezer that he is. Crystal pleads him and he gives in to the girl's demands (perhaps for hooking him up with some of her green earlier) asking her to send a pokeball into the machine to be able for him to transport Heracross to her.

So Prof. Oak goes to get one of his other hired bitches caught by illegitimate son Ash and then later brings back Heracross inside the pokeball. Crystal exchanges an unknown pokemon for Heracross. She revels in the temporary swapping as she so accustomed to doing with not just pokemon and then she thanks Prof. Oak for Heracross as Old Man Oak declares that its no problem and Muk goes back to humping Oakky as the line disconnects.

And with that............... Crystal has finally obtained perversion power!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hiya!

Ok... I am not sure where that 'Hiya' came from.... "That Professor Oak can sure bug himself out with all his research...", notes Crystal. Heh!!! Young lady.... you have no idea, especially how he bugs out with Ash's mom. Crystal then says she may have the key to beating Sabrina now as Justin proudly proclaims that they go challenge Sabrina again.

"Saaaaaaaashrew!", yells the sandy little rodent ready to whoop some more arse. Nurse Joy, the study-at-home battle guru, decides that she'll walk with the threesome out of the door. Once outside, the threesome et al go with Nurse Joy and Justin tells Crystal that he's confident that she (Sabrina) can't beat her again. "And with your preparations, you've taken a real first success to rematch victory!", proudly declares Justin with a "Pika-chu!!", added by Pikachu. Unfortunatlely, Crystal's second big step was not so successful because the ground beneath it crumbles and they all fall into a big, 20 foot wide and 20 foot deep hole. And thus, it's cheesy evil music/Team Rocket motto time as the twerps look up to see a giant 'R' sign on the edge of the hole. Team Rocket then does their familiar cackling...

"Prepare for trouble, you're back in our hole"
"Make it double cuz we'll break through the mold"
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie", as she breaks through the banner logo molding
"James", doing likewise gleeful through the air
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight"
"Meowth, that's right", leaping through the molding finally getting his chance.

"Team Rocket!!", everyone yells needlessly. "Ha ha... this may seem like another one of our stupid schemes that will always fail..." "Yup!", say the threesome with a dumb look on their face with Sandshrew adding, "Shrew!!", with a dumb look on its face. Jessie then adds, "But this time, you're be looking up at us permanently.... a ha ha ha haaaa!" "Dat's becuz we gots ourselves a new gadget dat’s unpenetrable!", adds Meowth. "Leave us alone! We have more important things to worry about than you three losers!", shouts Crystal. But Wobbuffet pops out to exclaim, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUUHHHFFET!!!", instead making Cris-tal fall over. "I wasn't talkin about so keep ya big blue mouth shut!", shouts Meowth, "As I was sayin, it's time ta suck up ya pokemon wit dis high-tech GW230-Rocketech brand state-uh-da-aht shop vacuum". "Oh great... another vacuum and hole plot... what else is new", says Misty softly and sarcastically seeing yet another TR plot involving giant suction devices and pitfalls.

Meowth orders James to fire up the suction device as James obliges saying brightly, "Roger!" The device starts up and it begins to suck up Pikachu and Sandshrew towards the vacuum to the concern of Crystal. So Crystal decides to hold on to them by calling out Bulbasaur whom uses its vine whips to keep Sandshrew and Pikachu out of the vacuum as Crystal holds on to Bulbasaur as her weed smelling hair whips in the wind. Though it would've been dodgier if Heracross was chosen to hold onto Bulbasaur...... it probably would have done a most heroic job holding onto Bulbasaur's bulb..... uh, or something.

Crystal then tries to have Sandshrew destroy the machine with a sand attack. But forgetting that sand's density is virtually nil, TR's vacuum easily sucks up the sand-attack. "Ah......... that's no good! Uh Pikachu, use a thundershock!", then commands Crystal as the thundershock hits the vacuum but doesn't do anything. Crystal gasps as TR laughs with Meowth bragging about how the Rocketech vacuum is resistant to ground and electric attacks and then he admonishes Crystal that they better let Pikachu and Sandshrew go with TR. Crystal then says to her group that they have to come up with an idea fast. And for the first time in a gym battle episode, Nurse Joy says that she doesn't have a clue. But then a Tracey-fish's (Lanturn) light bulb flashes over Misty's head as she claims they have an idea. The threesome and Nurse Joy all huddle to listen to Misty's idea and they all say it's worth a try and thus, they begin to exercise their brains.

Justin throws out Gyarados who roars out of its pokeball as Justin commands it to use hydro pump which is fired by the scaly beast and is sucked up into the vacuum. Meowth then laughs about no amount of water power will overpower their vacuum. James then says, "This contraption will never break down... no matter how wet it gets...... just like Jessie!!", he squeals earning him an earful and a mallet (magically pulled out of thin air) to the blue-haired head of James. Misty declares that maybe they should provide some reinforcements to help Gyarados. So Misty throws Poliwhirl and Crystal throws out Totodile who are behind the burly scales of Gyarados so the vacuum doesn't suck them up too.

Totodile crazily dances around and almost gets into the force of the suction but is saved by Gyarados's tail. Both pokemon are ordered to use water gun and the attacks are sucked into the vacuum. They continue to fire their water attacks being sucked up by the vacuum while Bulbasaur holds onto Sandshrew and Pikachu. Misty shouts for Poliwhirl to keep pumping and not give up as they continue to fire their water guns for a few more moments. Team Rocket keeps on laughing until they hear a strange noise.

"What's that sound??", says Jessie curiously until Meowth horrifically figures out, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Dat's da vacuum.... It's overflowin wit water and is gonna blooooooooooww!" TR then panics and yells as the machine breaks totally apart with water gushing out of it soaking TR as Bulbasaur uses its vine whips to launch everyone out of the hole. During this, TR whines about how wet they are and Jessie yells about Meowth, "Nice job screwing up everything again, Meowth!!!!" "Me??!! I guess I shoulda paid extra for dat release hatch in da rear", wonders Meowth as James then whines, "What's gonna happen now?" "Oh I think I know....", says Jessie dejectedly as she rests her head against Wobbuffet's gelatinous body (lucky Wobbuffet).

Crystal then orders Pikachu to use thunderbolt shocking TR, creating the usual random explosion (in water mind you), and then........

"We're blasting off agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiin!" "Woooooooooooobbbuuuuhh Wooooooooobb!" <star twinkles>

They celebrate for about .5 seconds and the voyeuristic Justin helps up Nurse Joy and asks her if she's okay. She says she's fine and the twerps congratulate their pokemon and then reward them by forcing them back into their cramped pokeballs. Nurse Joy looks up at the blue sky and starts to breathe very daintily. (Justin must be getting a hard-on right about now.) "Now that that is out of our way, it's time for you to head off to your gym battle. Remember everything you learned today and you'll be fine....", says Joy as Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu smile at her expert knowledge of battling despite being in .............. oh ....... uh say............... zero career matches between the 363 Nurse Joys.

Nurse Joy waves good-bye and Crystal nods as Misty declares that its time to go back to the Saffron Gym. "Sand-shrew!!!!", shouts the sandy little rodent along with Misty as they head off away from the Pokemon Center.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon??

It's Aipom!!!! ....................... "keekeekeeeeeeeeee"

Doors swing wide open, Crystal and her threesome buddies walk through them into a dimly lit room with a few torches on each pillar. Once through the door, ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... they arrive in HELL!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

OK, j/k.

They're in the Saffron City Gym though Sabrina is not currently present at the moment. "Helloooo?", Crystal shouts to get someone or something's attention. The others look around at the place as Crystal notes, "This certainly doesn't look like a regular pokemon gym." Just then, Sabrina pops into the gym room with her dinner apron on. She peeks in and says, "Oh? Who's there?" "It's me Sabrina, I'm challenging you a rematch right now!", replies Cris-tal. Pikachu and Sandshrew also call out Sabrina as Sabrina says sarcastically, "I thought you would never return." Sabrina then says she'll gladly accept the challenge (not to mention arrogantly..... psychotic doll-possessed evil bitch!) but first she has to change her apron into her combat attire.

This is an opportunity that Justin (and definitely Brock if he were there) would not pass up as he goes up to Sabrina and states, "Okay.... if there's anything that you need help changing, I'll help you with it." Sabrina gasps in reaction to Justin coming onto her but as always, this causes Misty to grumble and then say mean-spiritedly, "The only person you need help with is yourself!!!" "Besides", adds Sabrina, "I still have to finish my dinner with my parents. We ordered in KFC!" "Ah...... OH I LOVE KFC!!", beams Justin as the background fills up with hearts and chicken wings (tasty!!!), "Especially the honey BBQ strips and their popcorn chicken and the macaroni and chee...."

But he stops to notice Misty and even Cris-tal staring viciously at their only piece of white meat for the Kanto League journey. After a long pause, Justin nervously quips, "What?", to the two girls. This is then where we see Sabrina's dad for the first time in a long while and he asks Sabrina what's taking her so long perhaps sensing with his fatherly instinct that her precious little baby girl is getting hit on by some pervert. He then tells his daughter to get back in there and that her dinner's getting cold. Daddy's little girl apologizes and walks back towards the kitchen.

After the screen does a clock wipe (going clockwise), Sabrina is all decked out and ready to go. Since she always changes her own rules, Sabrina says that this match will be 3 on 3 with no special rules or time limit. "That's fine with me, you frigid bitch!", replies Crystal ready for a fight this time. ........................ Okay... Crystal didn't really say that, but that's what it sounded like with the enthusiasm in her voice. Sabrina starts out with Kadabra again whom comes out with its German accented, "Kadabrrrrrrra!" "This time I'm prepared for you, Sabrina! Come out Heracross!!!", yells Crystal and out comes Mr. Perversion Power himself. "Heracr!", says the horny horned bug as Crystal pets it and greets Heracross to the team and in return gets tackled and almost humped. Eewwwwwwww!

"So you have a bug pokemon with you, that's fine! You're still going to lose.", answers Sabrina as she has Kadabra use teleportation. Crystal then begins to say to herself, "Fight your type of battle!', and others thoughts that the likes of Ash, Justin, and others. She tells Heracross to stand there while Kadabra needlessly teleports around the battle surface. Heracross, on Cris-tal's command, then turns around to use its horn attack to swing at Kadabra. It misses the first time but on a second go around it nails Kadabra. Heracross then uses leer but Kadabra counters with a psychic attack.

Heracross is stunned for a moment but is still bouncy to the delight of Crystal as Heracross then sticks it to Kadabra with another horn attack. Sabrina then uses a desperation maneuver knowing that Kadabra is getting its accented butt whooped. Sabrina has Kadabra use a confusion attack as it gathers up energy for the attack and Crystal remembers something that seems to make her know ahead of time what will happen. On Cris-tal's signal, Heracross jumps to avoid Kadabra's confusion and once Kadabra reappears behind Heracross (it was trying to fool Crystal and Heracross again), the horny horned bug turned around and uses a megahorn attack to thrust Kadabra into submission (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!!!!). Thus, the referee, whom looks like an 8 year old Kristi Yamaguchi (American figure skater) declares Kadabra out of the match.

Crystal cheers for Heracross as Justin and Misty cheer and share a happy moment together. "I knew she could turn it around...", brags coach Justin as he gets called by Sabrina's parents teleport next to him. "I gotta admit, your pupil's a pretty good trainer...", gloats Sabrina's dad. Justin feigns laughter as Misty brightly points out, "Hey sir.... I remember you, you helped us rescue Sabrina from her psychic powers!" "Oh yeah", replies Sabrina's dad, "Those sure were fun times...." proving his fixation on crack-cocaine-aderol at the moment.

Justin and Misty show anime sweatdrops as Misty then quips, "Uh.................. sure." Crystal then thinks to herself wondering what Sabrina's third pokemon will be as Sabrina then throws out the pokeball and out comes ........................................................................................................................ a f*ckin powder white Delibird!!!!

If you're not familiar with Delibird, it looks like an owl dressed as Santa Claus complete with a Santa sack. It comes out with an eerie Hoothoot like hoot..... except it isn't a Hoothoot. Ho ho ho...... Merry Christmas pokemon world. We have St. Nicholas and their world has a freaky looking powder white bird.

Needless to say the threesome and Pikachu and Sandshrew are shocked. "A Delibird?", gapes Justin with Misty then saying, "Why would Sabrina have a Delibird? I would have never expected it." "That's exactly why I chose my Delibird..... and I've trained it just as well as all my other pokemon", answers Sabrina cutting in from the top left corner of the screen. But Crystal knows exactly what to do..... with the power of the ultra-fine cannabis that makes people smart (like in the movie How High). That's right........ Oh wait........ what??

Oh... she only checks her pokedex entry on Delibird...... my bad.

Delibird - the delivery pokemon - Delibird usually nest at the edge of sharp cliffs.

Most of them spend their days delivering food to awaiting people. "That's odd... Delibird doesn't seem light a pokemon that would fight", says Sabrina as we, the dodgers, agree since Delibird is easier to laugh at than battle............................................... or is it? Sabrina says that she trained this Delibird to fight and Cris-tal replies that they'll bring the fight to them as she orders Heracross to use another megahorn attack.

But Delibird flies away to avoid the attack and Sabrina then tells Delibird to fly around and gather momentum. But Crystal is determined not to let Heracross sit there on its sappy ass and get beaten and has Heracross use leer on Delibird. After flying in a couple circles, Delibird is then told to tackle Heracross and it flies down from the rafters onto Heracross who's eyes are more red than Cris-tal's due to the leer attack.

.... Heh...... that's pretty long for just a simple leer attack..... wink wink

Misty frantically notes, "It's coming down really fast!" "Too fast! It'll overpower Heracross like this", says Justin. And thus, Delibird's aerial assault mows right over the horny horned bug nailing it while Crystal gaps at this shockingly impressive Santa bird. Heracross then tries a horn attack but Sabrina coldly and calmly tells Delibird to get out of the way. But Delibird doesn't just evade the horn attack like a regular good pokemon. It uses its agility to speed up even more and confuse Heracross to the concern of his temporary crack induced trainer. Delibird then uses a psychic attack on Heracross and Crystal can't stand to see Heracross endure anymore and she calls back the horny bug-type before it goes down.

"I have to admit it... she outthought Crystal there and threw in a flying type pokemon to counter the bug type Heracross", admits Justin. Misty nods with a sappy look on her face as Sabrina's mom cheers out, "Oh..... my daughter has been such a great student in school. That has helped her in pokemon battle. And I'm so proud of her....", making her the poster woman for clueless mothers everywhere. "Yeah.... well........ I'm proud of Crystal, too! We've become really good friends" says Misty to help Crystal gets some props as well. Crystal then chooses Cyndaquil coming out squealing, "Cyndaquil!!", to get a second chance to battle against Sabrina. Delibird starts with a psychic attack but Cyndaquil escapes it using agility.

Sabrina, not one to be outclassed cuz she's a such a frigid bitch, has Delibird use its agility too. So it's a battle of speed to see who's faster. Crystal is looking on at this speed race until Crystal figures something out. She tells Cyndaquil to use a swift attack and it pelts the Santa bird with rounds of little stars. Misty then comments to help the audience figure out what Crystal did. She says, "What a great move, she had Cyndaquil use a swift attack which can slow down an opponent no matter how fast it's going." And with Delibird slowed down, Cyndaquil then uses a flamethrower which Delibird barely avoids. Cyndaquil fires off another couple of flamethrowers before its back begins to glow.

Is it becoming a pokemon that looks as stylish as MC Hammer or even our beloved TR??? Well no, cuz Cyndaquil wonders, "What's happening to Cyndquil?", before Sabrina gasps, "It's just learned how to use flame wheel!" Crystal then gasps and smiles as it then commands Cyndaquil to jump up at a hovering Delibird. Sabrina tries to have Delibird avoid it but Cyndaquil is too fast and once Cyndaquil is in the vicinity, it uses its flame wheel which scorches Delibird who struggles for a moment before passing out. And thus Delibird is unable to battle and Crystal and Cyndaquil celebrates. Crystal comments that she knew she could count on him and Sabrina sucks up Delibird back into the pokeball.

Sabrina then looks up menacingly at Crystal saying that she may be down but she just started to battle. Cyndaquil is told to get ready and Sabrina throws out her final pokemon, Espeon. But before Espeon takes on Cyndaquil, we notice Team Rocket in their balloon apparently ready for a second go around today. "Heeeey.... dere's dat gym", points out Meowth with James suggesting that the twerps are probably inside. "Hmmph.... and if they thought we're down and out then we'll give them something to shout about!", then sneers Jessie. "And dere'll be nuttin' dat dose twoips can do about it!", finishes Meowth.

Meanwhile... the battle! Cyndaquil uses a flamethrower but Espeon teleport to behind Cyndaquil and then the squealy fire mouse is taken down. Cyndaquil is then ordered to use flame wheel but Espeon jumps away and rebounds off the pillars the same way it rebounded off the tree last time. It then uses a psybeam to blast Cyndaquil again to the concern of Justin who tells Crystal to do something. But Crystal can't think of anything to do so Cyndaquil just tries another flamethrower that Espeon avoids and it then tackles Cyndaquil from the side using its illusions to fool Cyndaquil. And with that, Cyndaquil can "quiiiiil" no more.

So Cyndaquil is out of the match as Misty comments that Crystal got totally duped there by Sabrina. Justin yells out to Crystal to remember to fight the battle her way and Crystal responds, "I know but I don't have a set way..."

Justin sighs as Misty asks what he thinks Crystal will do. "Well she could go back to Heracross which would be the logical thing to do since Crystal would have an advantage. But I think she going to battle with Sandshrew. It'll probably test Sandshrew to see how tough it really is", comments Justin as we look into Sandshrew's determined, glassy eyes. Crystal then tells Sandshrew that it's his turn to fight.

So Sandshrew goes in there to battle Espeon and kick its ass. Only it wouldn't have so much success right away as Espeon used a quick attack which Sandshrew tried to counter with fury swipes. But Espeon teleports out of the way before hitting Sandshrew with a psybeam. Sandshrew then continues to chase after Espeon as it then nails it with a slash attack. With this opening, Sandshrew uses its sandstorm to stun Espeon. But then Sabrina pulls a cheap ass maneuver and has Espeon use recover to restore its energy and all its bruises and scars dissipate from its body.

This obviously stuns Crystal watching all of Sandshrew's hard work go for absolutely nothing. So the only thing Cris-tal can think of to do (besides smoke up again) is have Sandshrew use a toxic attack which Sabrina counter with a psychic attack. Espeon's attack seems to be coming from dead ahead of the sandy little rodent. But when Sandshrew releases the poisons from its mouth, the attack goes right through Sandshrew. Crystal is concerned and wonders where Espeon is when it suddenly appears from the side and slams Sandshrew sending it sailing but not down.

Misty gasps as Justin warns Crystal that Sandshrew is in a bad way and that she should switch to Heracross. But Crystal defiantly refuses saying that Sandshrew can win so Sandshrew continues on. Sabrina (now in total scary bitch mode) then has Espeon try to finish it off with another psychic attack and Espeon continues to charge at Sandshrew from an unknown direction. Crystal is fretting for her life but then a voice in her head (and don't we all have one) tells her that its only a gym battle and its not the end of the world if she loses.

This rescue voice calms down Cris-tal and helps her see the battle more clearly. And just in time, because she is able to notice a flash of the real Espeon ready to slam Sandshrew from the side. So Crystal warns it and Sandshrew jumps out of the way of the attack giving it an opening. Sandshrew is then yelled at unnecessarily loudly to use another sandstorm trapping the weird looking psychic pokemon in the storm. Crystal then has Sandshrew rip the sh*t out of Espeon with its fury swipes to the shock and concern of Sabrina.

She then tries the cheap way out again and tells Espeon desperately to recover but unfortunately for her, Espeon is too caught up in the storm to recover as pointed out by Misty and Justin. With that, Sandshrew uses one final earthquake attack which rattles Espeon as it then finally passes out unable to battle. The 8 year old Kristi Yamaguchi look-alike makes this perfectly clear.

Justin and Misty run to Cris-tal after her victory as she picks up Sandshrew congratulating the rodent. "See Crystal? We all told ya that you could do it", says Justin. Misty adds, "And you won the battle with your strengths which was your pokemon's power and instinct." Crystal claims she did learn a lot in this battle, but the real credit really goes to Sandshrew and the rest of her pokemon she says.

With that Sabrina walks over towards Crystal to present her with the golden marsh badge. "Well done, Crystal", acknowledges a now humble and normal looking Sabrina, "You really proved that you're a real pokemon trainer and that you'll be a really tough contender in the Kanto Leagues. You really earned this..." She then hands the golden Kanto League marsh badge to Crystal as she shouts out in joy flaunting her second badge as Pikachu and Sandshrew shout out in joy.

But their celebration would be short lived..... That is because an explosion rocks the entranceway blowing open the doors. And who should appear but our heroes from Team Rocket who are not about to go out of a show BEFORE the commercial break..... that would totally be uncivilized.

They also brought what looks like a fancy black table with a set of miniature ball and chains all around the table attached to the ends.

"We're back for your pokemon underneath the twilight!", shouts Jessie.

"So dig your heels in and prepare for a fight!", then states James.

Jessie then laughs and then realizes that they must be too tired to battle so Meowth says that they just better hand over their pokemon or their special dark energy device takes control of them. "And just for a little decorating touch, we attached little iron balls to the edges of the table to inflict even more damage", adds James. "That's very touching!", sarcastically sneers Misty. Meowth then puns, "And soon it'll be touching you! Actavatin da supa-ultra dark energy davice!!", and he switches the switch and it starts twirling around to the cackling of TR.

But Justin then leaps in the way shouting, "I'll show you three a spin cycle!! Gooooooooo Kabutops!", throwing out the 'shellfish' pokemon if you can believe that. Misty also tries to join in the spin cycle PUN-ishment by throwing out Staryu but instead, ends up throwing out Psyduck. Everyone falls over as Psyduck leaps in front of Kabutops in the path of the machine. "Oops............... my mistake!", quips Misty as the machine spins towards Psyduck and the little ball and chains end up pummeling Psyduck's big yellow head.

"Daaaaaaaaaaah!", panics Meowth, "If dat ting battahs Psyduck's head any more, it could toin to attack us!!" After a few moments of Psyduck's head getting pelted it cries out, "Psyyyyyyyy....", and then its eyes turn blue. Misty rejoices as she knows that Psyduck can use its psychic attacks now as Crystal then tells her to hurry before it makes another pokemon evil like it made Togepi.... Oh wait...... Togepi was evil prior to being lured into the dark energy device...

My mistake....

Proving that Psyduck can resist these evil luring mechanisms, it disables the device at the command of Misty. And everyone rejoices at the halting of the black evil energy machine......... well okay... not TR. "Dis looks bad...", quivers Meowth and Jessie then states, "And it couldn't get worse...", as Wobbuffet pops out to salute and beckon, "WOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUHHFFET!!" Then, Misty orders Psyduck to use confusion on TR and Psyduck telepathically controls them and throws them through the roof.

"I knew I shouldn't have overdecorated our secret weapon", whines James. "Yeah.... it went from spinnin ta reelin..."

"Looks like Team Rocket's still reeliiiiiiiin'" "Woooooobbbuuhhh!"

"Looks like those three still haven't learned anything...", remarks Sabrina while Misty congratulates Psyduck. "They'll never learn...... unlike me... I learned a ton from battling you this week Sabrina", then says Crystal. Sabrina replies that she's also learned a lot about her, too as Sabrina's parents remind Crystal that she should always learn something from everyone she battles. "She knows.... and I'll remind her every step of the way", claims Justin before Sabrina concludes that it was a great time battling her. And with that, the threesome and pokemon wave good-bye to Sabrina and her cooky parents. The narrator claims the threesome will never forget their battle with the psychic gym leader. But since none of them are psychics.... let alone smart, they'll probably forget about her after another round of smokin'....