Pokemon Thug Games

Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 29

POKEMON THUG GAMES

Well now that Justin has let Gyarados free in the Red Lake so it can enjoy some Gyarados lovin'. So with that behind, they continue to meander towards the next nearest town. "Aren't we close to Northport, yet?", whines Misty. "Pretty close.... why don't we set down for a few minutes so we can all have our lunch?", requests Justin. Misty agrees and Crystal adds that, "It'll give us some time and I can take my daily medicine..." This is, of course, a blatant lie so she can pop her aderol behind Justin and Misty's back.

She takes out her illegal pills while Justin goes to work making some kind of deli sandwiches. And who wouldn't go for some right now......... go ahead...... I won't stop you

 

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Okay, well now that everyone's hunger is satisfied, we notice Crystal shining up her as Sandshrew and Pikachu look on at their master. Crystal gives them some kind of tennis ball that they go off and play with over in the nearby courtyard. After all................ they're still only playful pokemon...... just like cute little puppies..... awwwwwwww!

"Can't you hurry up with those sandwiches??? Brock would've been done cooking a steak by now!!!", yells Misty. All Justin can respond with is, "Hey..... I am me and I can only prepare what I can prepare...", asserting that he isn't Brock. Just then, everyone hears some kind of loud mumbling....... What the threesome hears are definitely words except that none of words are familiar to any of them. What is that yelling I'm hearing...... or is it my stomach????", wonders Misty then recanting, "No.... it couldn't my stomach.... I'm not that much of a beast when it comes to food..."

Okay young lady....... say that now but when you're all married to Ash 20 years from now, you'll balloon up so much that you can't go for 5 minutes without Ho-hos!!!! Ech...... imagining a fat Misty in my brain is disturbing....

Crystal then recognizes from her drug dealing with some Colombians that, "I think that was some Spanish being hollered..." Justin seems to second her assumption and then once he puts the last hoagie bun on his sandwich creation, he announces, "Okay..... lunch ready!!!" "Sweet brutha", says Cris-tal in ghetto talk as Sandshrew and Pikachu yell out in delight that they'll get to eat.

 

<cue intro>

 

So while the threesome are chowing down on lunch and Gyarados is enjoying some satisfaction. There's another group that can't get no satisfaction......... Mick Jagger must've been talking about Team Rocket when he wrote that song. Well........................... either them or the Trix Rabbit................... or the world's biggest nerd. "Ooooooohhhhhh..... I need a nice hot meal...", moans James.

"I could go for one uh dose Wendy's chilis", says Meowth. "Meowth.... you're a pokemon! They won't let you order chili, burgers, chicken, or fish nuggets anywhere...", responds Jessie as James drools for the list of food Jessie brought up as they continue to slump along. "I know.... dat's why I'd steal from dose places..... dey charge way too much fuh boiguhs nowadays", replies Meowth bringing up an important economical point.

"Well it seems that we may be in luck", remarks James, "There's a bridge right there.... maybe if we follow the path, it'll lead us to somewhere fast or at least some fast food." "I hope dey'll have a place dat has onion rings", says Meowth. As they begin to step onto the bridge, they marvel and take comfort in how sturdy and wide the bridge is. All of which even makes James declare, "I like sturdy."

But then, out of the framework of the forest come these dark tanned, dark haired children (6 of them in all) rushing onto the bridge hollering in Spanish at TR who looks at them in a sense of sudden shock. The tallest of the Spanish kids then says to TR, "You think you kin.... cha-cha right across our bridge, chicos?" "Who the hell are you kids and since when was this your bridge?!", demands Jessie (okay.... for 4Kids purposes, she really doesn't say hell).

"Our house is right near the bridge and it's right there but we moved out here from Union City, New Jersey!", says the tall one. "The two of us were born in Spanish Harlem!", says the second oldest one. "Well I don't care where in New Jersey you're from, we want to get through and we don't like you little brats blocking our path!", complains James. "Well if you wanna get through chico, you'll have to beat each of us in a pokemon battle", says the tallest and oldest boy. James reacts hilariously in typical gay fashion going, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhh!! He called me chico... they're talking all campy!!!"

Heh..... so that's the way Latinos talk when they're frontin', eh James?? This could actually open up lawsuits brought forth by many different kinds of unnecessary Hispanic Coalitions.

"Will you knock it off.... they're all speaking Spanish!", says Jessie. "I didn't get a chance to learn any Spanish growing up in L. A.", notes Meowth. But Jessie then tells them, "Nevermind L. A., we're not even going to be able to enjoy Compton if we don't push these brats over and cross this bridge!" She then turns towards the kids warning, "Listen up hombres, you better let us through....... or..... we'll our pokemon do the talking!" "Dat's right! We're on a stronger team dan you guys", adds Meowth.

"We're a solid bona fide Team Rocket team!!!", declares Jessie with Wobbuffet popping out of its pokeball telling the Hispanic brats, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUHHFFET!!!" But Jessie isn't feeling very patient with our patiently pleased blue blobby friend and she immediately screams, "GET BACK IN YOUR POKEBALL!!" "Woooooooooobbbuuuhhffet!!", screams the wobbed one as it sinks down below the screen.

She then gets back to business and tells the bridge thug family, "Now let's see if your blood is thicker than water..... Arbok, I choose you!" Arbok comes out yelling, "Chaaaaaaaaarbok!" James then quips, "Speaking of water, I'm very thirsty.... Weezing, Victreebel..... I choose you!", and after we giggle at James for another silly comment, Weezing and Victreebel come out. And we also get to see the always disturbing shot of Victeebel sucking James's ass while he makes all these weird disturbing sounds.

Victreebelshipping anyone???

"You want to play dirty with us, ese? We can be dirtier....", says the oldest kid. And the rest of the kids all throw out their pokemon which totals about twenty in all. James then complains, "Eeeeeeeee..... they've got us outganged!!", while Meowth comments, "I always hated dis growin' up, dat's why I joined dat street Meowth gang." The kids' pokemon then barrage Arbok, Weezing, and Victreebel with water guns and flamethrowers and shadow balls and jump kicks.

So Arbok, Weezing, and Victreebel get destroyed as TR looks horrified at the bridge mugging. "My poor baby!!!", squeals Jessie, "Let's get out of here before we become victims..." "I'm right behind ya, Jessie", quips a nervous Meowth. James meanwhile becomes the biggest coward telling her, "I'm getting in front of you, Jessie. I don't want to be mugged by those street children." And so TR dashes away from the bridge and eventually duck into a forest behind a big tree.

"How dare those little brats push us around on that bridge...", complains Jessie. "That bridge was paid for by the general public that we steal from!!", yells James. Meowth then shuts them up and then goes on to suggest, "If dose bratty siblings wanna play bridge thugs, den why don't we give dem a dose of real Team Rocket double trouble??" "I know Meowth, we'll not only give them TR trouble, but if those brats can't learn to share the bridge..... then maybe they shouldn't have a bridge to push others around on", schemes Jessie. "Really?? I wanna hear more about dis...", says Meowth as Jessie whispers the plan to them. The three of them cackle evilly at Jessie's idea while Wobbuffet gets out of its pokeball. "Woooooooooobbbuuuhh", announces Wobbuffet popping up behind the three of them probably laughing along with TR as the patiently pleased one apparently goes unnoticed for the moment.

Meanwhile, the threesome has just eaten their lunches and they now continue to meander their way towards the next town. "That sandwich hit the spot....", declares Misty. "I can still taste it in my mouth!", says Cris-tal.... dodgy meanings aside. "See.... I can cook just as well as anyone...", brags Justin. But Misty is still not impressed despite loving the hoagies he made commenting, "Next time, make a New England clam chowder and then you can brag about your cooking", while she still longs for the delicious food that was prepared by the tall, toned, squinty eyed crush that is Brock.

So they continue to walk for awhile until Crystal spots a bridge which happens to be the same bridge that TR just tried to cross. "According to the map, the next nearest town is just a couple miles across from this bridge", notes Justin. So Crystal decides to keep on marching towards and across the bridge (okay.... not really 'marching'). But as you would expect, once the threesome gets about halfway across the bridge, the pokemon gangsta siblings race out to the bridge to confront the threesome.

"Hold it chicos!!! You can't cross our bridge for nothin...", says the tallest guy. "YOUR BRIDGE???", gasp the threesome. "Es verdad (that's right)... we are los Ranquileos... not just anyone crosses this bridge!", says the next oldest one. "Oh yeah!!! Who says that you kids can take this bridge hostage and keep people from crossing it!", demands Crystal. But the youngest one snaps that they can do whatever they want since its their bridge even though they show no license or certificate of ownership.

Now in a situation like this where REAL crimes are occurring, where's Officer Jenny when you need her?

Misty screams at them that they can't just claim a bridge and bully people that use it...... and we certainly can't blame her for yelling. "Well we can..... and we have little trrrrick!!!", snaps brother #3. Misty scowls at them that they don't have to take their stupid bridge and that they should go find another bridge to cross while Crystal also looks at them very angrily for delaying them from getting to the other side and keeping her from her smoking.

But Justin tells them that they need to cross the bridge they're on now since the next nearest bridge is 30 miles away. The girls gasp at this news as Crystal says, "But we'll never get to go anywhere unless we can get past these family gangstas." The leader of los Ranquileos then tells them, "If you want to cross this bridge, you'll have to defeat the 6 of us in a pokemon battle. How do you like that, eses?" Crystal then grumbles (obviously she's late to receive her next package of weed she ordered) angrily, "Well then.... that's what we're gonna do........... chicos!"

"Ooooooooooooooh!!", go the Ranquileos mocking them. "Now your poor little pokemon are goin' to be our victims!", says the leader assuming that their pokemon are the strongest in the world. "For your information, we're not just your everyday pokemon trainers", declares Crystal. Justin confirms her and tells the Ranquileos that they're going to be sorry they messed with the threesome. "We ain't scared", claims the leader Ranquileo as he then calls the youngest brother Enrico to battle them.

"No one will ever beat la familia de Ranquileo.... goooooooo Ledyba!!", decries lil' Enrico. Crystal then decides that she'll battle first and then states, "Now you'll see just how strong a trainers we really are.... I choose you, Bulbasaur!" Bulbasaur comes out with a surly, "Bulbasaaaaaaur!" and stares down the Ledyba. Enrico taunts Crystal saying that her pokemon choice was a big mistake and that his Ledyba should have an easy time with Bulbasaur. "I wouldn't be so sure little boy", smirks Crystal as Bulbasaur shouts out in the bottom half of the screen to back her up.

Ledyba tries a tackle but Bulbasaur uses its vine whips to pole vault out of the way. Bulbasaur then uses its vine whip to layeth the Bulba smacketh down on Ledyba to shock the little Enrico with the striped tee shirt. Ledyba is then ordered to use supersonic which halts Bulbasaur's attack momentarily as it would've covered its ears if it had usable hands. But Bulbasaur regroups when Crystal shouts at it to fight back with a razor leaf. The dinky yet sharp little leaves cut down Ledyba to size as it falls to the ground.

Enrico then growls as he yells at Ledyba to use a flying tackle. Bulbasaur avoids a pair of dive bomb tackles and then is ordered to use a leech seed attack. The leech seed enwraps Ledyba in small little vines and drains Ledyba's energy to the concern of Enrico and the delight of Misty and Justin. Crystal then tells Bulbasaur to tackle Ledyba and then Ledyba is knocked silly by the tough guy/gal (we await confirmation on its sex) and Bulbasaur wins.

"Ledyba...... but how could I lose??", cries Enrico. "You and Ledyba still need more practice lil' hermano (brother)", says the leader, "Now step back and let Juan handle these challengers." So Juan, the next oldest brother, steps up to bat per se shouting, "You may have beaten lil' Enrico, but now your real battle begins! Arriba... Natu!" Natu comes out with a little, "Natu!", cry that sounds somewhat robotic.

"Natu?", wonders Crystal looking ready for another round. But then, Misty's aggresion gets the best of her and she declares that she'll go next in the battle and she throws out Corsola. Corsola squeals its name as it looks all bubbly and content.... hardly looking ready for battle. Juan sneers like a snob and then tells Natu use a flying tackle attack. Corsola takes the attack head on as Misty then orders Corsola to shoot Natu down with a spike cannon. Natu takes the attack and then flies in on Corsola as it gets ready to attack again. But then Juan makes Natu use confusion which trips up Misty and shock Crystal.

"A confusion attack?", wonders Crystal. Coach Justin tells her that Natu can not only fly but also use psychic attacks as Crystal goes, "Ooohhhhhhh!". Misty yells for Corsola to fight back with a bubble attack which brings Natu to the ground. "We're not through yet.... Natu, use your peck attack!", demands Juan. Corsola squeals but doesn't go down after the peck attack. Misty is not concerned though and begins to look even more determined (which means pissed off which is the way everyone likes Misty).

"Corsola, let's end this! Use your rock slide", orders Misty and Corsola makes the ground as rocks magically appear behind Corsola as its secret pokemon power makes them fly up and pelt Natu who was trying to avoid them. "Natu... no!!!", screams Juan as Natu falls to the bridge surface (which was mysteriously not damaged despite the rocks coming up towards Corsola) unable to battle. Misty then celebrates her victory with Corsola as they both raise their fists and cheer.

"These guys are pretty tough", notes the leader. "Don't worry, Einar and I won't be beaten!", says the second oldest brother identified as Miguel. "Alright.... I'm up next! Which one of you thugs do I have to beat now?", declares Justin talking like he's da man. "You'll have to beat me!!!", says a voice which would have to be gay if he were a boy. But instead, what steps forward is a young girl looking about 10 years old (older than Juan and Enrico).

Man.... Spanish Harlem can create quite the thugged out little girls, eh?

The threesome, Sandshrew, and Pikachu gasp at the sight of the young girl, identified as Elena as she steps forward to challenge Justin. She has long black hair, seriously waxed eyebrows, and very thin lips...... in other words, she looks like a basic 10 year old Hispanic pidgeon. "I'm going to show you why I'm the biggest threat of los Ranquileos..... Andale!!", lil' Elena shouts out as she calls out Justin.

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (Some of these pokemon twitch like they're on drugs.)

"It's Noctowl!!" ......................................... "Hoooo-ooo-ooo"

 

"So I get to face the pretty young lady", grins Justin. But the little girl is such a thug that she yells out loud making everyone cover their ears. "Ay ay ay..... you tryin' to come on to me??? Now you really going to lose and look muy malo (very bad) doing it!" "I'd be almost afraid to face her...", whispers Crystal to Misty because she'd be totally afraid to face any young lady that could outyell Elena.

.................... like Misty.

Elena then calls out her pokemon, a Flareon to battle Justin. Flareon comes out all hot and bothered and stupid........ just like its trainer Elena. Justin then gathers himself and decides to counter with Kabutops as battle music begins to play. "Kabutops!!", shouts the shellfish and it then stares down the bridge at Flareon. What the hell is that?", says Miguel and the leader responds that they must be well-trained pokemon catchers.

Flareon uses a flamethrower hits Kabutops. It takes the fire but Justin isn't concerned one bit as he astutely studies the opponent. He then tells Kabutops to use a swords dance and after Kabutops spins round and round and round... like a record baby right round baby right round.

Huh??................. oh sorry.

But Flareon stops its flamethrower after the swords dance and then Elena commands Flareon to use confuse ray. And in a Noctowl like move, Flareon emits a red beam of energy that engulfs Kabutops to try and get it loaded. But Justin breaks the confusion by having Kabutops headbutt Flareon with its flat shield-like head.

Flareon then uses another flamethrower but it misses as Kabutops then uses a double team attack making the shellfish thingy copy itself all around Flareon. "She's on the ropes.... Justin has done a great job training Kabutops", notes Crystal. "She should've known that a fire type is ultra weak against a rock AND water type", adds Misty concluding the pokemon lesson of the day. "We're not finished yet!", responds Elena as Flareon uses a take down attack to try to get Kabutops but it only hits illusions.

Justin then orders Kabutops to use slash attack and it blindsides Flareon from the left side with its large, thin scythe. Elena does see where Kabutops comes from and tries to warn Flareon but it's too late as Kabutops nails Flareon sending it out of the match. Elena screams for Flareon to get up but it can't respond and Elena just screams, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", making Pikachu and Sandshrew cover their ears. She weeps for Flareon and yells at Justin that he'll be sorry for beating her poor ugly little Flareon.

Ahem..... and that ladies and gentlemen, is how 10 year old gangsta bitches roll..... Okay then.

"You three are no ordinary trainers, you wouldn't have beaten all three of our little siblings that easily", remarks the leader who then swears, "But now.... we WILL avenge their losses, eses!" "But not before we avenge our losses!", yells a woman's voice coming from above. Then a bomb is dropped from above detonating covering everyone in smoke. "That voice...", coughs Crystal, "... it must be..." Then we hear the laughs of our favorite trio soaring high above...

"Prepare for trouble and say your good-byes"
"Crossing the three of us was doubly unwise"
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie" rising up and pointing up southeast
"James" rising up and pointing up southwest
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight"
"Meowth, that's right!!"

"Not you three again!", shouts Misty as Jessie yells for the twerps to be quiet. "Well now you little Spanish brats, since you don't like to share your bridge with anyone then I guess you don't deserve to have a bridge", determines Jessie. "And since you didn't let us from TR cross your bridge, then its our job to exact some revenge", adds James, "Because now I can't get my Wendy's Frosty!!!". But Justin looks at them with a moronic, I've been there before look on his face when he asks them, "I don't get it.... why use the bridge?? Why not just float above the bridge in your balloon?"

TR then catch their breath realizing their forgetfulness. "Ah... uh... err.... well still, it's the principle in this case here!", recovers Jessie talking like a lawyer. "That's right..... you can't discriminate against anyone using your bridge regardless of race, religion, nationality, age, or wickedness!!", adds James. But then Meowth sheds some light towards the thugged out kiddies on the bridge and at home mentioning, "He fuhgot ta mention sexual orientation..." "No kidding, Meowth", yawns Jessie sounding glum over James acting more gay than he usually acts.

The poor beautiful young lady must constantly being horny.... poor Jessie.

"What are you three doing here?!", yells Crystal. "Ha hah! I think it would interest you twerps that were not after your pokemon today", laughs Jessie. Crystal sarcastically responds, "Oh.... wow.... well this just makes my day." "Uh yeah... But in any event, we invite all of you to watch as we kiss your bridge bye-bye!", announces Jessie. "Let's see how tugged out you kids are afta we throw dese babies!!!", says Meowth holding a small bomb. This leads James to gayly announce, "Bombs away!"

Uh..... yeah.... and so TR begins to throw down bombs causing the bridge to rock a little bit. Everyone clears out of the way as Justin realizes, "If they destroy the bridge, we have no way of getting across." Misty then notes, "We have to stop them.... but how are we going to counter against those bombs?" Crystal tries to have Pikachu thunderbolt TR into the lithosphere but Meowth catches them and warns them that if they try to attack, the Pikachu will go Pika-BOOM. So all the threesome and pokemon can do for now is angrily look up and grit their yellow teeth since they don't get to brush too often.

Meanwhile, the gangsta brothers are gathered together hollering in Spanish. Then the leader has finally seen enough and declares, "That's it..... it's time for us to exterminate this roaches..." Miguel asks the leader whom he names David what he's going to do and how he's going to keep the bridge from being destroyed. David responds, "We only have one chance to save the bridge. I don't normally use this, but it's time to use our family's ultimate weapon.", and he then throws out a pokemon bringing out the family's toughest pokemon which is.......

The mighty Scizor...... its presence makes TR and the twerps all gasp in shock. "Whoa.... a Scizor!", shouts Crystal who immediately goes for her pokedex to get what's the dilly on this cool pokemon. This despite the fact that they have to act immediately to save the bridge they must cross.

Scizor - the Scissor Pokemon - The evolved form of Scyther... Scizor swings its eye-patterned pincers up to scare its foes. This makes it look like it has three heads.

"Look guys.. dey have a Scizah!!", exclaims Meowth to TR. "Scizor is scary..... but it still can't stop us. Arbok... I choose you!", says Jessie sending out Arbok to try and poison sting Scizor. "Maybe if we're lucky.... not only can we destroy the bridge, but we can steal their Scizor as well!", suggests James meanwhile. Jessie then is delighted and tells James that he actually came up with a great idea and that she knows how to make it more evil. But then Meowth shouts to them, "Heeeeey! Are ya gonna giggle like goils or are ya gonna help me trow dese boooombs!!!"

"JUST A MINUTE, MEOWTH!!!! Have Arbok help you out or something!", yells Jessie. She then goes on to scheme that they make them give TR Scizor or else they'll use the big bomb they have which will destroy the bridge. And then after they have Scizor, they throw the bomb and destroy the bridge anyway. Apparently, the gangstas must have brought out Team Rocket's evil personality today. Which means after the brother thugs beat TR with help from the twerps, the dubbers can make them seem like a loving family. Thus proving gangbangers are pretty friendly guys after all.

And that boys and girls is today's moral............... and we're only 2/3 of the way through the story!!!

David has Scizor block away some of the small bombs that TR is throwing down from high in their balloon. It blocks some of them but some bombs are still damaging the bridge slightly. (They're small, weak-ass bombs in case you haven't figured that out yet.) Scizor is then ordered to try and jump all the way up to the balloon but Meowth stops it before Scizor can start. "If ya even think about touchin us up here, then we'll drop our big ammo!!", warns Meowth as we see Jessie and James both holding a huge nuking bomb!!

Amazing how that little balloon can store dozens of bombs and a super bomb the size of the basket.....

"And if you want have your bridge to bully people on.... you better hand over that Scizor!", adds Jessie. James then adds the tense humor for the tense moment quipping, "And this baby will really make you chicos hollar 'La Bamba'", and then TR laughs uncontrollably. David defiantly tells them "No!" saying that Scizor is a part of their family and adding that them 'eses' on TR can never take away their family.

"Oh yeah... have it your way! Ready wit da bomb??", asks Meowth as he begins to talk like the ghetto one (and he honestly is the REAL ghetto one of any of them). "Ready", respond J & J, "One.... two.... three..... THROW!!!" And with the fuse lit, TR sends the bomb hurtling towards the bridge, the thug brothers (and sister), and the twerps. The threesome gasp in horror as their pathway to the next town is about to be blown up.

Out of desperation, David has Scizor leap up and try to catch the bomb before it detonates. With the siblings looking on, Scizor goes up and actually gets its arms around the bomb but it has trouble controlling the bomb as it continues to fall. The twerps scream 'oh no!' while TR laughs maniacally at what seems to be impending doom for the wannabe thug children.

"That bomb is going to engulf Scizor and the bridge!", exclaims Crystal as the bomb and Scizor are both falling..... seemingly at a speed of 1 kilometer an hour. "Not if I can help it...", says Justin who steps up to be a hero in front of all the young ladies like he's done plenty of times before. He also has the pokemon to impress with in his Dragonite (despite its silly pink goggles). Dragonite roars out of its pokeball and jets towards the bomb at the request of Justin who's now dramatically pointing and everything confirming that this is an anime.

With Dragonite's help, Scizor helps catch the bomb as the two mega-pokemon hold the bomb. "Great move, Justin!", beams Misty impressed with Justin coming through in ways she only wishes Ash could do. Los Ranquileos also breathe a huge sigh of relief since the bridge is saved as lil' Enrico gushes at the sight of Dragonite. The relief of the twerps abruptly halts as they try to find a place to get rid of the huge bomb that's already been activated.

And no place has a bigger bullseye than the Happy Buddha Faced Meowth Balloon. Crystal & co. angrily look as do los Ranquileos making TR as scared as sh*t in their pants. "Uh oh....", worries Meowth as James quips that now they're going to need a big time catcher. The good news is that Wobbuffet volunteers to catch the giant bomb but the bad news is that Wobbuffet's arms are too slabby to catch anything as Jessie points out to our patiently pleased blue friend.

Then David and Justin obviously order their pokemon to throw back the bomb towards TR. And they collectively throw the bomb with amazing accuracy since TR is dozens of feet (or meters whichever you prefer) in the air. Wobbuffet hugs Jessie in fear (smart choice!!) as Meowth hugs James in fear (smart choice if your gay!) while Arbok stands behind them with its jaw dropped as the huge bomb detonates in TR's face. Any normal man would be killed instantly but with TR, they just simply blast off.... and wouldn't that be convenient in a war???

"Hey guys.... I just figgered dat all dis blastin off we do cuts our travel expenses in half..", figures Meowth as they jettison into the stratosphere. "More money for the diner....", quips James. But Jessie snaps back, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DINER!!! I'd rather get ripped off by one of those crappy Denny's than get beaten over and over by those twerps!!!" "Speaking of Denny's.....", cuts in James.

"Looks like Team Rocket's grand slammed agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiin!!!" and then another faint, "Wooooobbb!" and then the star twinkles in the sky.

Los Ranquileos then surround Scizor and congratulate their family's protector for saving them and their bridge. The threesome then congratulate Dragonite for its effort in stopping TR as Pikachu and Sandshrew look up and smile in a somewhat disturbing way. David, the leader of los Ranquileos hermanos then look toward the twerps as he then thanks them for their assistance. He then pleads, "Please don't think we're totally heartless........ we just do this as a family to stay together and to challenge others to strengthen our pokemon."

He then goes on to babble that its a special place for their 'familia' and that they would never impede the paths of any families or any emergency (not to mention stronger family gangs who would kick their ass). He then concludes that they won't fight them anymore and let them pass since they helped save their precious bridge. He doesn't mention that they fear an ass whoopin' from Dragonite.

But Cris-tal is not satisfied with just leaving it at that since she still hasn't whooped all their candyasses in a pokemon battle. "Aww... that's too bad!! Cuz I thought we were going to finish the battle that we had going on...", states Crystal. "So you really want to finish the gauntlet, huh?", notes David. "It'd be great for us since we're born pokemon battlers!", says Crystal like a soldier.... uh .... a little bit.

So David agrees and the gang battle continues as Einar (pronounced Ay-Nar) steps up next to battle against young Misty volunteering for the twerps. In the red corner............Einar throws out his Weepinbell and in the blue corner......... Misty throws out Togetic. I wonder what the evil Togepi would've done in a boxing match..... hmmm. The Ranquileos then begin to root for Einar as Cris-tal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu all root for Misty.

Misty then energetically calls for Togetic to doubleslap Weepinbell though Togetic ends up smacking the bell thingy much more than twice. "Ay Weepinbell.... let's fight back wit dem razor leaves", demands Einar halting Togetic's attacks. But Togetic flies away before it takes too much damage and regroups. Weepinbell then tries to use a poison bomb to ground Togetic but Misty warns Togetic in time as it gets out of the way and it sideswipes the bomb of poison (unlike the bomb of explosives which they carelessly shot at TR) and then tackles Weepinbell.

Einar can only yell in Spanish to try and revive Weepinbell but Misty has Togetic use its rollout attack before the yellow weird looking freak can 'levantase' (get up). Thus, Togetic lays out Weepinbell making it look like the dominating evil Togepi of old. With the victory, Misty then hugs and congratulates her non-parasitic Togetic and then promises it some food for later. Togetic responds, "Toge-toge-trrrrrric!", as it successfully works for its keep.

See.... it looks like Misty is the boss nowadays... so it looks like everything is fine with no possibility of a sneak Togepi revival.

But enough memories of the horror that Togepi put many of its haters through because Justin steps up stating, "Well... 4 down, 2 to go! And I'm going to get win #5. Come on out, Raticate!!" But the battle is interrupted when Miguel stops and complains, "Awwwww!" "Is something wrong young man?", asks Mr. Justin sounding like a teacher. Miguel complains that he really wanted to face Justin's Dragonite which puzzles Justin because he warns him, "You want to face Dragonite?? But you'll probably lose..." But Miguel claims that he doesn't care about losing as long as he gets to battle such a kick-ass pokemon.

With all the kick-ass pokemon he's probably faced, he probably has a winning percentage of about .100, especially since he's so indifferent about losing. Que triste (How sad)!

"You up for the challenge, Dragonite?", asks Justin and Dragonite shakes his head to assure that he's ready. So just says okay and returns Raticate into its pokeball and sends out Dragonite to battle. Justin then interrogates Miguel as to what pokemon he's going to use against his Dragonite and so Miguel decides he'll have to throw out what becomes his Octillery. "Occta!", it grunts as it sits there on the bridge across from Dragonite.

Los Ranquileos meanwhile watch determinedly at the battle as their brother squares off against the threesome's ultimate pokemon. "Okay Dragonite.... let's get things sizzling with your zap cannon attack", declares Justin. So Dragonite charges up a huge line of electricity similar to one that turned Shingo's Scizor into a living lighthouse. But the attack is so deliberate that Miguel has Octillery leap out of the way which makes Misty quip that Miguel's Octillery is faster than it looks.

So with Dragonite spent temporarily on its attack, this gives Octillery the opportunity to tag Dragonite with a water gun. Is there reason for Justin to worry??? Nah.... Justin just toys with the young man saying, "That's pretty impressive but now it's time to get serious. Dragonite..... fly away from that water gun!!!" And Dragonite quickly zips up into the sky to get away.

But Miguel hasn't given in yet because he then tells Octillery his super strategy to wait for Dragonite to descend and then to take aim and use........................... another water gun attack??!!! Man.... persistent losers (like Miguel, the Carolina Panthers, and whatever the name of that football (soccer football, not the other football) team that Liverpool kid constantly refers to...) always come up with the worst strategies. So as Dragonite descends, Octillery uses its water gun which Dragonite avoids by spinning at the behest of its master.

With the water gun out of the way, Dragonite then uses wing attack over and over from one side and then the other making Octillery use some fancy legwork with its 8 legs to avoid the attacks. So Miguel then takes charge and tells Octillery to use its toxic attack. And wouldn't you know, when Dragonite zooms in again to tag Octillery, it gets swallowed up in the poison as its cheeks turn red as it holds its head with its little stubby arms. But despite the poison, its still able to flick its huge tail to slam Octillery all the way into the guardrail of the bridge.

"Oh no.... Justin's in trouble!", notices Crystal. "Dragonite can't hang in there much longer!", warns Misty with the two of them looking like a couple of Gary's hired hos (remember them?). Miguel then somehow gets Octillery to revive itself and it then uses an octazooka to blast Dragonite who can't avoid the attack due to its pain from the poison in its body. "Miguel's going to do it!", thinks David standing next to Einar. "Justin..... Dragonite's losing energy fast!! You have to end it now!", says Crystal.

"Right!", he says and then he orders Dragonite to finish off Octillery with a hyper beam. So Dragonite charges up the hyper beam as its energy is fading and Miguel sees this so he has Octillery leap out of the way to avoid the hyper beam. But Justin sees Octillery leap up and just as Dragonite is about to unleash the hyper beam, he yells at Dragonite to aim up. As a result, the hyper beam blasts Octillery as it ascends off the bridge knocking it down and out of the battle.

Miguel races over to Octillery to check if its okay and while its dizzy and unable to battle.... its otherwise perfectly fine. That's right kiddies, after a full, rocket powered hyper beam, Octillery is just fine. Miguel then tells Octillery that it battled well and calls it back to give it a good rest after a shocking near upset. Justin also congratulates a panting Dragonite doing likewise, bringing it back into its pokeball so it can rest.

Well that battle is behind us but there's still one more showdown that we must go through....... "Now you'll have to go through me... and I'm sure you won't mind if I use our Scizor..", states David. "That isn't a problem with me!!", declares Crystal. "Okay chica.... but which pokemon you have that can go against our family guardian?", quizzes David. "This one...", declares Crystal who throws out Cyndaquil to battle Scizor. "Ah.... great choice!! Cyndaquil has great defense and speed!", explains Justin while Misty adds to the benefits saying, "And it's flamethrower is effective against Scizor's armored skin. This should be a great finish!", as they talk about the good news. They don't talk about the bad news though as Cyndaquil comes out with its hardly intimidating, "Cyndaquil", squeal.

"Be careful Scizor, your armor is weak against its fire attacks!", warns David while his brothers and sister root for their 'guardian'. Scizor looks down at Cyndaquil probably thinking 'What the hell does this squeaktoy think it's doing?' Cyndaquil jumps in intimidation as the size and demeanor of Scizor being the timid one (some Charizard replacement...). But Crystal tells him not to back down and use its flamethrower but David tries to confuse Cyndaquil with Scizor's agility.

Cyndaquil looks around sweating in nervousness from Scizor darting around everywhere. But Crystal shouts at it, "Don't back down.... fight back with your smokescreen!" And smoke covers the entire area where Cyndaquil was sweating its nuts off. So then David has Scizor blow the smoke away with the smokescreen but Crystal quickly tells Cyndaquil not to give up and use its agility as well. So Cyndaquil darts back and forth and around the bridge but Scizor is still faster and it is keeping up with Cyndaquil saying, "Scizor (You ain't gettin away from me... pudgy bitch)"

Cyndaquil gets angry at this and then uses a flamethrower which Scizor gets around. Crystal figures that they have to get Scizor attention somehow to slow it down so she makes Cyndaquil use a tackle but Scizor's quick attack overpowers it. "We have to get Scizor slow down somehow...... wait, that's it!!!", thinks Crystal who then shouts towards David, "Come on David, we're ready for your strongest attack!! Cyndaquil can take it!" Cyndaquil then stands there trying to look buff and he squeals out it's name which most likely translates into 'That's right you metal bitch!'

"Fine then.....", states David solemnly who then goes on to shout some Spanish at Scizor which calls upon his ultimate attack..... the metal claw. Scizor's claw charges up and zaps Cyndaquil as the spunky little fire mouse squeals to absorb the attack. "Hang in there, Cyndaquil!", encourages Justin as Sandshrew and Pikachu also cheer for Mr. Squealy. Crystal then utilizes her idea shouting, "Now's your chance, Cyndaquil! Flame wheel attack!" And so Cyndaquil pushes the limits of its body and the decibel level as it screams and shoots out fire which surrounds little Squealy McSqueal and also engulfs the Scizor that was attacking.

This lets Misty get in an opportunity to instinctive coach her 'very good friend'. "Hurry Crystal, now's your chance to attack it while its stunned!", she yells as she feels some kind of high as she yells to Crystal. Crystal listens by yelling at Cyndaquil to quickly use it flamethrower. David frantically yells for Scizor to, "Sal!! (Leave/get away)", but there's nothing that can prevent the family guardian from getting fried by Cyndaquil's flamethrower. And wouldn't you know, after enduring the flames the most powerful pokemon of a family gang is defeated by a pudgy squealy fire mouse and the brain of a pothead.

Ain't that justice in the pokemon world?!?!?!?

All the Ranquileos then race over to their beloved Scizor to see if its okay while Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu celebrate with Cyndaquil. "How could you do that to Scizor??", pouts Elena before David yells to shut them up. He goes on to congratulate the threesome for their outstanding battling and they compliment Los Ranquileos right back.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This little tough guy has its tail on fire.)

It's Charmander!! ....................................... "Char char!"

"The Kanto League??!! No wonder why you're pokemon are so well-trained", gasps David as the family just realizes they were up against no ordinary pokemon trainer. "Well.... I don't think I can take all the credit for training them", corrects Crystal as Pikachu says, "Pikachu", to add to her point. "I'm actually doing on this quest for a .... um ... a friend of mine", she continues.

And she says this as we continue to wonder what happened in that Intensive Care Unit between Crystal and Ash. Huh........... wonder damn you!!!

David then says in his Hispanic accent that it's all great to hear and that they're free to use their bridge whenever they want and if they want another challenge, he and his sibling will be ready anytime. And Crystal responds to him, "You know we be there!!", with a wry smile on her face and thug brotha and sista, Justin and Misty backing her up.

And so they leave towards probably the town of Northport after dealing with a group of gangsta kids. Though gangstas are evil, no matter what age they are, I'd like to remind everyone that they're still not as evil as politicians <wink>. Speaking of evil things, the threesome are about to confront a great evil as they and Jigglypuff (returning from South Park) confront a super-humongous, super-whiny Lapras.

May God help us all......

To Be Continued