Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 30

Well now..... we see our threesome past the danger of the Hispanic kids' bridge gang and into the seemingly quaint town of Northport where the current forecast is brisk and cloudy. We then notice them walk into and sit down inside a local diner so they can sit down and eat. This of course brings up a burning question of how the twerps can afford to eat at diners when they don't have a legitimate job whereas TR does and they're constantly out of money. Well two answers help us settle this debate.

1) The threesome get their spendin' cheese (known in the non-ghettofied world as cash) from Cris-tal's drug sales........ mostly to Prof. Oak.
2) Team Rocket blows most of the paychecks they get on super-hyped high tech gizmos which have defects and fail to get a decent return on investment for TR leaving them poor.

But money issues aside, our threesome is admiring the nice town among other things. "I'm just so glad we're able to stop in an actual town and have a nice lunch for a change", states Misty. Justin then claims that's it's really stressful cooking everyday for everyone and it glad to order lunch for once. "I just wanna sit back, relax, and book a nice hotel where we can all chill for the night. Right Sandshrew?", she says and Sandshrew responds. And this place is a perfect, quiet place to chill", says Crystal.

Guess Crystal and her pokemon will have plenty of time to catch up on her hobbies at the hotel now.... won't they??

But in the peace of the town that is Northport, it soon becomes shattered with hideous shrill of a whine piercing the streets of the entire town. The threesome, Sandshrew, and Pikachu all hear the sound as they sip on their diner soft drinks. "What was that sound??", wonders Misty. "I don't know but it sounds like its in pain", responds Justin.

In pain?? We'll..... you'll all be hoping it's in pain eventually because this loud cry coming from the distance is coming from a shadowy figure approaching the Northport shore of the sea. And it's whine..... well let's just say, it ain't no minor league Cyndaquil squeal (and even those are annoying) or even an Ash's baby Lapras whine (I need explain nothing). For this whine, is THE definitive eardrum splitting sound of evil........ Time to gather your blankets and diapers (in case you scare yourself sh*tless if ya know what I mean...)

<cue intro>

So the twerps finish their diner meal a little while later after exiting the small, seaside town diner. "I hope whatever it was that was squealing is feeling better....", wishes Misty who hopes like the rest of us that the noise will please cease and desist not knowing that it's not in any real pain. But of course, we don't know that yet, right?? "I just hope it doesn't disturb my nap later...", exclaims Justin who cares somewhat less about the noise from hell.

Then, someone races up to the threesome from behind them and he asks them if they're pokemon trainers. "Well.... yeah we are. Is there a problem that we trusty pokemon trainers can help you with??", wonders Justin as the girls seem somewhat shocked that Justin has involuntarily volunteered their services. "Well yes....", says the black man who looks a little like Denzel Washington, "My name is Calvin and I'm sure you've been hearing that siren like noise...."

"Yeah we have", answers Justin as Crystal asks him to tell them what the noise is. "I'll not only tell you what that horrible noise is.... I'll show it to you, follow me!!", says Denzel Washingto... I mean Calvin. And so they all run off towards the northern bay area to confront the source of the horrific whining. But after they run off, we notice the somewhat violent, distubing scene of a limousine crashing into a stop sign. Inside the limousine, we see the driver with his head flat against the steering wheel though he's fortunately breathing but passed out to indicate to the 7 and under audience that he didn't die a gruesome death. But then, the rear door of the limousine pops open itself and out the limo for that famed limo entrance is a very curious............

..........................

..........................

.......................... Jigglypuff!!! Apparently, Jigglypuff has returned from its last escapade when we last saw it on a one way train towards South Park. (Wonder what reaction Eric Cartman had when it saw the round pink thing. Wonder how Jigglypuff's song accidentally killed Kenny.) Jigglypuff curiously looks around at the settings of the town as it carries its microphone squealing, "Jiggly?" She then looks towards the area where the whining is coming from and sees a wide open beach which looks like a giant stage. Jigglypuff ecstatically reacts walking towards the beach with microphone in hand declaring, "Jigglypuff!"

Meanwhile, we notice the twerps arriving at the beach with Calvin where they then notice a giant shadow in the fog off in the sea. "Look out there, guys! Whatever's in that shadow must be making all that awful noise", says Crystal. "Okay... but what is it??", wonders Justin who fortunately always happens to carry a pair of binoculars in his pocket which Crystal knows somehow (???) asks for them. She looks through those binoculars to see the cause of the piercing sound of hell and she sees a Lapras swimming towards the shore.

"Hey..... it's a Lapras!", states Crystal. "Really.... let me look?", pleads Misty getting all excited about another water pokemon. Or.............. is she all excited about getting to plead with Crystal.... hmmm?! "It looks like its coming towards the shore!", says Misty which Calvin responds that its just what he feared. He explains that he studies water pokemon and that he's been very disturbed with the behavior of the Lapras at question.

He explains that a couple of years ago, this Lapras started to come annually towards the shore of Northport and that when it did, it always wreaked havoc on the town. It was so big that it caused flooding of the streets and that many houses and basements were ruined. Anyone that approached Lapras would be damaged with its water and ice attacks. It even caused some people to drown though Calvin isn't allowed to admit it to the home audience due to 4Kids and Kids WB restrictions.

Calvin then concludes, "But I'd personally say the worst and most annoying part about Lapras's visit every year is it's very loud whine. I can't stand it...." But he then says that he needs some really good pokemon trainers and pokemon that can stop this Lapras from causing anymore distress to this town. "..... Someone.... like you!", proclaims Calvin turning towards Misty with a bright smile and he asks her if she thinks she has what it takes.

Misty's eyes widen about a foot as she says yes ecstatic to meet this tall, handsome black guy who's into water pokemon and has a big..... well.................... I think her Brock-like hitting on the guy will explain for itself!!!

"Yes sir.... I just love an intellectual guy who's into water pokemon. They're my favorite type of pokemon, too! Say..... how old are you?? are you single??? you have a son that's near my age that looks like you?? heh heh.", she blabs on towards Calvin in a scene that oozes of dodginess. "Ay.... Misty, you couldn't get yourself a boyfriend if he had your name tattooed on his body...", responds Crystal who can't figure out for the life of her how she got this whacked out, psychotic way of picking up mates (Brock).

"What?? And I suppose you're a better girl than me??", yells Misty and it leads to the hilarious scene of the two girls arguing over this black guy who has a big time sweat drop to show that he's disturbed by these two younger girls fighting. Justin also shows a sweat drop and looks very scared until he timidly yanks the two girls away by the ear saying, "Uhhh okay now.... maybe you should wait until the right guy comes to both of you!"

"We have to hurry..... that Lapras will arrive on shore any moment now! I can tell because the tide here is growing way above normal", notes Calvin recovering from his sweatdrop as we see the rising tide. The threesome all agree as Crystal tells everyone to get ready. Also getting ready is our favorite bunch of misfits watching Cris-tal and co. through their high tech binoculars with secret microphones inside them..... it's TR, and they've apparently heard about the problematic Lapras.

"So there's a problematic Lapras wreaking havoc on this town", observes Jessie. "Yeah.... en apparently it knows how ta be evil unlike da tree of us", quips Meowth. This angers Jessie and she wipes the street with Meowth's mug as she goes on to say, "Like I was saying, could you imagine what kind of reward we would get if we used one of those enormous devices we always use with our money?" "Yeah.... and I'm sure I can pick out which oversized device that'll best suit our needs at that nearby Wiz down the street", utters James.

This makes Jessie's eyes beam with delight as she asks James if there really is a place that close to them as Meowth picks his mug up off the gravel and asks James if the Wiz was a discount store. "Well.... who cares about price. We need something that's fashionable for us to be in, first!", complains James as he sounds like his good old self. "I know that, James! Stop your whining!", she snaps, "Now... I think that once we're able to stop that Lapras from destroying the city, then we could zero in on stealing Pikachu and Sandshrew!! Ahahahaaaa!"

James and Meowth start to listen intently to Jessie's plan until they fall over when Jessie announces she wants to steal Pikachu. "Jess.... make up your mind, are we going to be good guys or are we going to be bad guys?", complains James. "I'll be whatever I want", shouts back Jessie, "Besides, we're only stopping that giant Lapras so we can have it for us and get a reward. What kind of TR villain are you???", she ends up asking in a question that may determine where the "anti-heroes" of the series go from here.

But Jessie interrupts any possible answer that may come from James as she continues that they should race right over and get themselves a super-weapon. "En let's not fuhget if we see any pokemon on da street, let's get' em fuh us!", adds Meowth. "That's a good idea, Meowth!", utters Jessie as Wobbuffet also pops out to salute his idea. This make Jessie add, "And while we're at it, we may just leave you on the street corner", and she sucks back Wobbuffet into the pokeball going in with a "Woooooooooooobbbuuuhh". "Well let's get going!", declares James and as they get up and turn around to go buy some oversized piece of metal junk.

But as they're running they halt when they see Jigglypuff walk out in front of them. "Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!", beams Jessie in delight at such a cute Jigglypuff, "What a cutie pokemon!" "What a jiggly pokemon!", adds Meowth as they all smile. "I think it wants to sing for us", notices James. Apparently they only have a short-term memory................... especially since they would've had to forget the hundreds of times the twerps have beaten them.

And so the song commences for TR as Jigglypuff is eager to sing on the town sidewalk for an impromptu crowd just like all those winos with musical instruments in New York City among other cities. "Jiiiiigg -- illyyy -- puuuuufff Jiggillyyyyyypuuuuuuff", sings Jigglypuff and so on (you remember how the song goes unlike TR.) A few seconds later, TR catches onto what happening to them as they also get drowsy. "Aaaaaaaahh! Well.... Jigglypuff is singing for us...", panics Jessie. "Yeah..... and now we're gonna sleep for her", drowsily adds James as they all fall to the sleep and begin snoozing.

Jigglypuff keeps singing for a few more seconds until she notices TR dozing on the ground. And so Jigglypuff puffs her cheeks in anger and switches her microphone to a marker (combo available at KMart selling for $1.99) and she doodles all over TR. Of particular interest are the mysterious looking phallic objects on James and the way Jessie looks like a hippie.

Man..... Jigglypuff has gotten so much dodgier recently.

Jigglypuff wipes her hands clean and stamps away to the next part of town where she could possibly sing. And with that we're taken back towards the sea shore. The threesome hear another whine growing louder and louder and the salty winds whips through their hair batting it around. "There it is...... out there!!", points Justin out towards the shadow in the sea. "It has come...", prophesizes Denzel..... uh... I mean, uh, Shaft.... uh... I mean Calvin.

"Well we're not afraid to take on any Lapras, aren't we Sandshrew?", states Crystal. "Shrew shrew!", boasts Sandshrew standing tall in the high wind and cloudy, foggy skies. "I'm sure Lapras won't cause us too much trouble.... They're normally gentle in nature", says Misty being the water pokemon analyst. "Well let's wait for it and we'll try to calm it down", proclaims Crystal as they see the Lapras come into view. "There it is...", points Justin (very pointy today, isn't he?) as Misty gushes that its so majestic.

And they watch the Lapras head towards the shore as they view it approaching the shore and getting bigger...................... And bigger................................ and bigger..................... And bigger........................ And bigger.............................. And bigger....................... and bigger..................... And BIGGER............................. And BIGGER......................... And BIGGER........................ And BIGGER............................. ..............and BIGGER................................. and BIGGER............................ and BIGGER........................... and >BIGGER........................ and BIGGER ..............................and BIGGER......................... and BIGGER....................... and BIGGER.......................... and BIGGER............................. and BIGGER ............................. and BIGGER........................... and BIGGER................................. and BIGGER................................ and BIGGER..................... and BIGGER..................... and BIGGER............................ and BIGGER............................. and BIGGER......................... and BIGGER......................... and BIGGER ...................... and BIGGER....................... and BIGGER..................... And BIGGER............................ and BIGGER......................... And BIGGER..................... and BIGGER......................... and BIGGER........................ and BIGGER ....................... and BIGGER......................... and BIGGER............................ and BIGGER.......................... and BIGGER..................... and BIGGER........................... and BIGGER........................... and BIGGER........................... and BIGGER...................... and BIGGER....................... and LARGER....

?????????? Larger??????? Well yeah..... but just to break the hypnosis so I don't get sued by anyone.

and BIGGER......................... And BIGGER....................... And BIGGER......................... And BIGGER......................... And BIGGER.......................... and BIGGER......................... And BIGGER........................... and BIGGER ........................... and BIGGER.................... and.... <writer chokes self>

Okay okay................. I'm sure you get the idea.

Well now that everything has been super enlarged from my shirt to Misty's breasts and most notably the Lapras (okay I'm kidding about the shirt and the Misty breast parts), the threesome's jaws drop collectively at the size of the approximately 300 ft. wide, 100 ft. tall Lapras. "What da......", gasps Justin very dodgingly. "That's definitely the biggest Lapras I've ever seen!!!", shouts Misty. "Pika-chuuuuuuu!", also gasps lil' Pikachu standing next to an equally stunned Sandshrew.

"That's whats causing the town headaches??", wonders Crystal as the surf reaches everyone's ankles. "Aaahhhh.... It must've gotten even bigger since last year" proclaims Calvin. "I bet if we can lure it out back to sea, it'll follow us.... I'm sure it's quiet enough", thinks Misty. And with that, the giant Lapras lets out one of the single most loudest and horrifying Johnny-get-Mabel-out-of-the-basement-and-into-the-closet-and-take-her-for-an-unforgettable-moment-of-loud-passionate-sex-because-you-never-ever-want-to-hear-this-sound whine that splits Snorlax eardrums, makes babies cry across the country, and shatters windows of the rooms of every dodger.

The enormous Lapras's whine sounds like 12 screaming Rockets (not Team Rockets) mixed with the wails of 4 three-year-old girls plus a couple of fire alarms............................ not a pretty noise, indeed!

As for the twerps reaction to the whine, they cover their ears as tightly as they can. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhh!!!", scream the threesome and Calvin. "That whining, I can't stand it!", shouts Justin as Pikachu and Sandshrew stumble around covering their sensitive little ears. "It may not look like a bully.... but its size and voice makes it more dangerous than any other water pokemon I've seen", explains Calvin. The wind continues to pick up as Crystal looks up stunned and quite pale since she's apparently looking like she's going into withdrawal since its been a whole day without any drugs.... even weed.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This legendary pokemon's electricity f*cks up its skin and breaks it out into rough edges.)

"It's Zapdos!!!" ....................................... "Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaww!!"

After another ear-shattering whine, Misty complains that they have to stop the heathen monster showing a quick change of opinion about the Lapras. "Well we're going to make sure this town stays safe", declares Crystal who orders Pikachu to use a thunder attack. Pikachu winds up its electricity as Crystal orders everyone to get out of the water and Pikachu shocks the giant whining monster. Unfortunately, the only thing the attack really does is make Lapras whine even louder.

The noise gets so horrible that Justin tells Crystal that Pikachu has to stop its thunder or else everything will be shattered by Lapras's whine (if everything hasn't been shattered already). So Crystal tells Pikachu to stop attacking which luckily makes Lapras cease its hideous, incessant whining. However, Lapras then turns towards Pikachu with an angry look on its giant ugly mug before letting out another unholy burst of a shrill.

"Oh no, Pikachu!", shouts Crystal covering her ears as Sandshrew calls out for it too. Lapras's mega-whine conks out Pikachu with decibel power or as Justin would like to put it, a supersonic attack. The siren-like sound f*cks Pikachu up as it then begins to emit thunderbolts wildly and randomly. Crystal, Justin, Misty, and Calvin all struggle to avoid getting electrocuted by the wildly flowing juice of Pikachu.

Can't the twerps take a thunderbolt like real men... I mean... TR does. Um...???? okay, they don't really take it like men but like super human anime characters.

So with everyone's lives put in jeopardy due to Pikachu, Crystal tells Sandshrew to tackle Pikachu and suppress its juice (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!). So Sandshrew lands on top of Pikachu which results in Pikachu coming to its senses. But unfortunately, their dead in the path of Lapras who unleashes a water gun on the pokemon couple tagging them since Pikachu can't erect the weight of Sandshrew off of it (DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF!).

Crystal goes over to check if they're okay and though they're both hurt and dizzy, they're not dead so the Pokemon series continues. Yippie!!! Lapras though moves around some more causing the surf to swallow the shoreline forcing the twerps further inland. Scared that she's never seen a Lapras so hostile and annoyingly dangerous, Misty wonders publicly why this Lapras is not docile and gentle like most Laprases asking Calvin in a sweet, pretty little voice. Calvin hesitantly responds that he's not totally sure repeating that most Laprases are docile but ever since a couple of years ago. This Lapras had such a vengeful look in its eyes that some of the townsfolk started to call it The Big Northport Horror.

Apparently there are some dodgers in Northport.....

Calvin concludes that every year it comes to attack something and it seems like it wants to take something back from the town that it lost. And then, Calvin's cell phone or two-way radio or whatever the hell he's carrying goes off and he goes to answer telling Misty to hold for a minute. "Hello................. yes?? ..................... oh no, not again!!............... ok I'll be there right away", answers Calvin on his cell phone. Misty asks what the problem is and Shaft... I mean Calvin responds that it was his wife calling him and that their basement is flooded. He then tells them he's going back to his house in town to try and control the flood damage and orders the threesome to see if they can stop the big monster and he gives Misty his cell phone # and his address in case they need anything. Misty quietly mutters, "Okay", and Calvin runs off probably happy that he doesn't have to confront or 'research' Lapras anymore.

"Well, what do we do now?", wonders Justin. Crystal replies by asserting her action hero status stating, "I say we try to defend these good townsfolk. They don't deserve to go through this!" She then turns to Lapras and declares, "Okay Lapras, you've been terrorizing this town for way too long! And we're not going to let you throw your weight around!" So she winds up and throws out Totodile who comes out with its usual dance. Crystal orders Totodile to cut it down to size and use its bite attack.

Totodile goes out and bites Lapras on its enormous fin causing the big Lapras pain to the delight of Crystal and the dodgers. But unfortunately, with loud pain comes a loud whine which makes the twerps quickly cover their ears again. The whine is so powerful and annoying that it weakens Totodile's grip on Lapras whom then shakes off the fisty little whack job of a gator. And then to make things worse, the big bully Lapras zeroes in on Totodile and begins to circle it causing Totodile to lose control of itself in the surf.

"Oh no! Lapras's surf attack is too much for even Totodile to handle!!", says Misty. Whiny McOgre then doubles back and comes at Totodile with a huge wall of surf (which Misty calls a waterfall attack) to try and splat our lovable Totodile. Justin and Sandshrew shout for Totodile to watch out as Crystal then calls back the gator into the pokeball before that monstrosity of a whiner destroys him.

Crystal then looks out towards the Lapras in the water totally clueless about what to do next. "Ooohhhhh! There aren't any pokemon that are even nearly big enough to contend with that behemoth", mopes Crystal as the cold winds whips through her hair. A downtrodden Misty adds, "We'd need a pokemon that's superpowerful to contend with that Lapras and its whining." And that's the cue for Psyduck to pop out of its pokeball and quack, "Psyduck!". "Hey..... maybe Psyduck's psychic power can contend with that mega-Lapras", comments Misty as she and Justin smile down upon the confused Psyduck who turns its head (just like Noctowl except he doesn't twitch) and holds it.

Misty commands Psyduck to go out and face Lapras. The vacant looking duck and Sir Whine-a-Lot stare blankly at each other for a couple of seconds before Lapras sends out another maddening whine which more than gets the attention of Psyduck......... and this wasn't even a full fledged whine. Needless to say, Psyduck's eardrums are put to the brink of tolerance with the noise pollution and it does a really smart thing for a seemingly stupid looking quack. Psyduck quacks, "Psyduck!", in horror as to say 'Ah, f*ck this!!!!!!!' and it waddles as fast as it can back towards the pokeball.

But before it can get back into its pokeball, Misty tries to stop it yelling, "I feed and bathe you and this is how you repay me??" But Psyduck is too terrified of the whining (and who can blame him?? Certainly not I!) and it jukes past Misty's leg and taps the pokeball to get back inside. "Figures you had to be raised to be a Psychoke!", Misty is then lead to say as she then declares that it's okay and that she has another secret weapon. A secret weapon that was a former secret enemy similar to the Soviet Union that is now an ally. And thus Misty brings out the formerly evil Togetic to use what it may still remember from being an evil entity to take on the enormous monstrosity of a Lapras to try and bring down this evil entity. "Togetic? How are you gonna fight it with Togetic?", wonders Justin somewhat hopeful that Togetic can win. "You'll see...", says Misty and that all the answer we get...........

............................................

............................................ before we cut back to TR that is. They are walking down what looks like Main Street with the doodling of Jigglypuff still fresh on their bodies. "Will you guys remind me of something??", groans James. "Shore... since ya don't gotta brain at remembuh anyting!", answers Meowth. "Make sure we never stop to listen to performers on the street corner, especially if they're pokemon", whines James. They then stop to look around at the flooding in the street, the hideous Lapras whine in the air, and the attacks they are witnessing in the skies.

"What's happening to this town??", wonders Jessie. "Dat big Lapras must be attackin it like it does every year...", answers Meowth. They then hear the threesome yelling out some kind of commands and warnings to their pokemon..... Um, on second thought, the twerps are probably just panicking and screaming about the damn whining. "Hey.... I think the twerps are battling the the big gigantic thing", notices James. "Ya mean dat big silhouette in da fog???!!", shudders Meowth. "Hey... I have an idea of how we can cash in for ourselves on this scenario!", explains Jessie having an idea like any bad guy would just to cash in on a tragic disaster.

"But I thought we were going to help out these people by sedating the Lapras?", begins James in rebuttal. But Jessie screams back, "Screw that plan.... now listen! While those twerps are occupied in their battle with Lapras, we can sneak up from behind and stuff Sandshrew and Pikachu for ourselves", she then schemes psyching up James and Meowth.

"And without that brat's pokemon, she'll be in trouble"

"It's time for stealth mode.... give us the signal to move, James!", requests Jessie as they suddenly have weird black eye masks on their heads. "Roger", grins James in gay delight because he just be gay like that.

Meeeeeeanwhile, Misty tries to use Togetic's special abilities to her advantage and she orders it to use a metronome. "Oh I get it.... metronome can bring out any possible attack. There's a good chance Togetic may come up with an attack that can stop this thing..... and it's whining!!", moans Justin at the end. "But how will you know if it'll come up with the right attack?", adds Cris-tal curiously. Misty replies shyly towards her really good friend that she's not sure and is just hoping for the best.

Now isn't that assuring?? (<sarcasm> but you a-holes are probably smart enough to know that everything on this line is sarcasm)

Togetic waves its fingers back and forth chanting, "Toge, toge, toge...", and so on hoping to recreate the destructive power that we witnessed in Togepi. Misty takes this opportunity to dream about her impending legacy if Togetic comes through. "Oh.... If I'm able to catch this giant Lapras, I'll have water pokemon fame and respect from all the top water trainers in the land, even Calvin", gushes Misty as Justin just looks at the hypocritical young lady with a pained expression on his face.

"On your mark", boldly yells James in his deep homoerotic voice, "Get set..." Jessie and Meowth start to grin wickedly before James concludes, "Now!!! Let's sneak up another couple of blocks" as they watch the twerps about a half mile from the bay shore.

Unfortunately for the poor water pokemon lover, whereas Togepi could use its evil manipulative powers to destroy a foe however it liked, Togetic plays by the rules and relies on luck for its metronome attack. And when Togetic's arms flash, it powers up to release ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... a water gun attack?? a frickin water gun attack??!! on a water pokemon??!! Well so much for fulfilling Misty's dream of capturing Ugly McWhinesore....

Lapras absorbs the attack by grimacing and tilting its head to the side like a little puppy before it winds up to blast poor Togetic. "That was a water gun attack", states a puzzled Misty before gasping, "Oh no... now Lapras is going to use one!""This'll be a real water gun attack...", gulps Justin. "More like a water bazooka...", quips Crystal who rarely says anything inane that doesn't relate to drugs. But then Sandshrew adds, "Shrew shrew", in a kinda dodgy way as if it were quipping, 'Bigger that my bazooka?'

The huge gush of water bursts out of Lapras's mouth and takes dead aim towards Togetic as a horrified threesome look on just out of the line of fire. Misty calls back Togetic before it gets washed away and the water gun gushes its way towards the road that TR is creeping up on. "We're almost at the beach!.... Huh?", proclaims a hopeful Jessie until they witness a huge crest of water soaring right at them. Jessie's optimism turns to confusion which then turns towards the three of them panicking as the 'water bazooka' tags TR washing them away down the street. This doesn't stop Wobbuffet though from popping out to salute and cry out, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUUHHFFET!" as they get shot up with the water into the cloudy sky.

"Aaaaahhhh... I could really use a cold gin right about now", snivels Meowth the drunk. "I'm gonna need a ton of frozen wine coolers after this!", groans James who I guess needs the drinks of sissies. Jessie shouts at them, "Why are you crying about cold beverages?!? This water is freezing enough as it is!!"

"Team Rocket's washing away agaaaaaaaaaiiin!" "Wooobbbuuh!"

For those that are for the temperance movement and those that are nervous parents, they don't really talk about alcoholic beverages. I just write it in because its funny to see TR waster their trouble away thinking about something other than sex.

Justin notices these flying objects in the cloudy sky to exercise the dumb part of his brain and utter, "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... did I just see Team Rocket flying away?" "Not now... we have to run for it and find Calvin so we'll know what to do next", replies Crystal. Misty yells for them to go as Lapras continues it's destructive horrific whining as it goes on to attack the twerps with an ice beam. Fortunately, the twerps, Sandshrew, and Pikachu escape from the shore area to save themselves (and whatever hearing they have remaining) and they get the heck out of there.

They then go running through the streets as they witness onlookers looking on in fear of the abominable Lapras. "Where's Calvin's house?", asks Crystal and Justin replies that it should be right up where they're running to. Justin spots the house and the three of them rush to break in and enter (which would be a crime for our law-abiding goody goodies.... except for Crystal and all that drug stuff). But just as they're about to head there, they gasp and spot Calvin passed out with marker doodling all over the older black guy including a note that reads 'Death to Unisom!'

"Calvin!!", yells Crystal as Justin notices the markings on Calvin's clothes. "Only one pokemon is capable of this....... Jigglypuff!", says Misty. "Calvin wake up..... what happened to you?", pleads Crystal. Denzel/Shaft/Calvin looks around, wonders what the hell happened, and tells them that he was just arriving home when he came across Jigglypuff and it song put him to sleep. "Jigglypuff?", wonders Crystal as Misty tells her it's probably the same one that they encountered back in the train station.

And then all those extra chemicals in Cris-tal's brain finally pay off as something clicks in her head. "That's it!", snaps Crystal who then schemes, "If we can find Jigglypuff and have it sing Lapras to sleep, then maybe someone can catch it in a pokeball and stop it." Justin agrees that its worth a shot and Crystal then asks, "Calvin, how long ago was Jigglypuff here??" Calvin replies that she came about a half hour ago and Crystal then determines that she can't be too far away.

"Okay... then we better get looking for this Jigglypuff!", says Calvin who then adds that he'll have to tell his wife that he can't make it home. "Right.... we search by air!", declares Crystal who throws out Noctowl and a bunch of sparkling powder out of its pokeball (don't pokemon get drug tests??). Justin then throws out the time-warped Dragonite to help out in the search as well and the two flying pokemon scatter (and Noctowl twitches) after Crystal orders them to look for Jigglypuff.

Misty then suggests that they go back to the beach to build a stage for Jigglypuff to perform on. So they all rush back as Justin looks awkwardly at Misty wondering, "..a stage?" Misty runs and responds that, "We need a stage to get Jigglypuff to come and perform on." "Perform on?", utters Justin and Misty just responds, "I know.... it's confusing for someone who's never seen Jigglypuff before. Let's just hurry!"

And so they run along towards the beach and when they get there, the abominable Lapras is still whining and roughing up the surf. "Okay... let's gets going and build a stage for Jigglypuff!", orders Misty as they struggle to maintain their hearing altogether. Crystal obeys and uses Bulbasaur and Totodile to help construct the stage. Justin announcees that he has helpers too and he throws out Nidoqueen and Kabutops before Misty finishes assembling the construction team by tossing out Poliwhirl.

"All right everyone! Let's get to work and make a stage. We need to hurry!", declares Misty with Totodile still dancing around as the rest all call out in obedience. Noctowl meanwhile is flying in surveillance when it spots Jigglypuff down below angrily doodling on a Rattata and a Raticate. Noctowl has never seen anything like this doodling (even in drug practices) so it twitches its head in confusion before getting Jigglypuff's attention.

Noctowl communicates to Jigglypuff that they have a stage set up for it. Jigglypuff looks confused for a moment looking at such an odd looking Noctowl. But then Noctowl tells it something else with another muffled bird call and Jigglypuff becomes suddenly eager to come along on Noctowl's rainbow ride.

When we catch up with the twerps at the beach, we notice oddly that the stage has already been constructed. This in light of the fact that there isn't any lumber nearby and that it's only been a few seconds since we left them. Frivolous details aside, Crystal declares that the stage is ready and Misty has the multi-colored markers and Justin has the banister that says 'Jigglypuff Live!' which Pikachu and Sandshrew are putting up on top of the stage.

"Okay we're all set here. Now the rest is up to Noctowl and Dragonite!", declares Crystal. "It better come before Lapras tears down this entire town!", shouts Calvin. They then see a pissed off abominable Lapras raise its head to fire another water gun as it douses downtown Northport. "Where are those guys?", groans Crystal as just then, Mr. Justin points out to the sky as they see Noctowl carrying Jigglypuff on its back with Dragonite flanking them. This is probably to make sure that just in case Noctowl has a bad reaction to its cocaine and they fall, Dragonite will be there to catch them.

Well.... either that or it wants to get Jigglypuff to disco................. or maybe it just happened to end up next to them.... I don't know.

"Alright, it's Jigglypuff!", beams Crystal. "Now it can sing this Lapras to sleep!", adds Misty. Noctowl swoops down and Jigglypuff lands on the stage to start singing as Crystal begs it to hurry. Then finally, Jigglypuff performs her song...

"Jiiiiiiiiggillyyyyyyypuuuuuuuff jiggillyyyyyyyypuuuuuuuufff - Jiiiiiiiggilyyyyypuuuuuff Jiggilyyyyyyyyyyyy..... (and it sings on)."

Calvin, the threesome, and all the pokemon start to get drowsy listening to Jigglypuff's song. But the threesome shake off the slumber temporarily to notice that Lapras is still whining and attacking Northport. "It's too loud and too big! Jigglypuff's song will never work!", yells Justin. Crystal then says she has an idea and tells Noctowl to use its hypnosis to get Lapras to listen to Jigglypuff's song. So Noctowl shakes off its own drowsiness and flies up to stare at the horrendous excuse for a monster as its eyes get very red.

Noctowl's chemical power induces Lapras and causes the illusion of having Jigglypuff's song amplified many times over as the stage gets really big to the monster. With Jigglypuff's song in full effect, Lapras's humongous eyelids get heavy and it then passes out in the water. "Now's our chance!", proclaims Crystal as Misty wishes to catch it as she steps forward to throw the pokeball. Misty's disappointed that the pokeball doesn't even work at all while Pokemopolis is relieved that Misty won't be carrying around the ultimate whining bitch 24/7. Justin then frets that if they don't confine it, then it'll wake up and wreak more havoc on Northport.

That's when Calvin steps up and requests that he catch the Lapras as Jigglypuff continues to sing in the background. "How are you going to catch it?", wonders Crystal as Calvin chuckles (a la Dr. Hibbert from The Simpsons) that he's got a super secret weapon. However, it's not a nuke bomb as most whining Lapras haters are hoping for to blow up this........... this............. this damn abomination of a Lapras!!!! I'm even starting to miss Ash's baby Lapras..... GOD!!!

Okay.... there I was kidding... I hope you knew that beforehand.

Calvin/Shaft/Denzel pulls out his super weapon which is............... eh... it's just a heavy ball. Justin knows that it'll work as he explains that the heavy ball catches enormous pokemon like Whiny McBitchhole. Calvin nods, winds up, and throws the heavy ball which captures Lapras after a couple of tense seconds. The threesome then rejoice as the problem of the mega-Lapras of horror is over. But it doesn't last too long as Jigglypuff song finally catches up to them and they all get drowsy and top one another (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA............... AGAIN!!!) on the boardwalk where they were operating.

Jigglypuff continues to sing for a couple of moments until she notices that all the pokemon and twerps and fallen asleep under her song. This gets Jigglypuff really riled as she puffs her cheeks and holds out all the markers in both her hands. She then gets to doodling all the sleepy as she zips around to each creature on the boardwalk drawing dodgy images and what not. Once Jigglypuff finishes, she heads back into Northport to make sure the sleepy town............ stays sleepy.

The twerps all wake up all confused as Crystal quips, "Well.... Lapras shouldn't be much of a problem now that it's in Calvin's hands!" "Hey.... where is Calvin?", wonders Misty noticing that her older, handsome black stud is missing. But Jusitn has bigger problems than Misty's apparently considering the disturbing screaming coming from him. "Forget Calvin.... look at my clothes! Look at my face! Everything's ruined!", he yells alluding to Jigglypuff doodlings on him."GET A GRIP, JUSTIN! IT'S WASHABLE MARKER!!!", screams Misty.

"Oh..... then a little doodling is okay since Jigglypuff saved the day!", chuckles Justin. "Hey you guys!", greets Calvin walking over to greet them. "Calvin.... where'd you go? And where's the Lapras?", wonders Crystal. Calvin tells her that he has good news saying he took the Lapras over to a marine life reserve in the next town and when it met another similar Lapras there, they immediately became friends and Lapras calmed down and stopped all that whining and hatred.

"Great!", replies Misty as Calvin theorizes to them that maybe that Lapras lost its friend or lover near the shore here a few years ago and it attacked to try and gain revenge. And with that..... I'm pleased to announce that the word 'lover' was just officially spoken on Pokemon! He he he............. Justin believes that Shaft's theory is plausible as Calvin thanks the twerps on behalf of the entire town. "Just glad we all could explore more of the pokemon world!", answers Crystal who loves to study pokemon as many might have forgotten. Sandshrew and Pikachu then thank the tall black guy and give him a thumbs up.

Calvin asks them where they're going to head off to now and Crystal answers him, "... wherever the next nearest gym is..." Misty then tries to hide a secret from them by grabbing the map of Kanto and plotting, "Well according to our map, there's a gym not too far away in Celadon City here!" "Yeah?", wonders Justin who looks at the map himself and then spots, "Wait a minute, Misty! You missed this gym just a few miles away in Cerulean City!"

"Cerulean City?!", panics Misty who shows a sweatdrop and then quips, "Uh.... Cerulean City is one of the rudest places in the Kanto League. And it's got very dangerous pokemon.... you sure you want to go there?" "Well Misty, I have to challenge the toughest and the most dangerous if I'm going to get better", figures Crystal which makes Misty sigh, "Oh all right..... but I'll be warning you the whole way to try and change your mind." Pikachu observes her tepidness about exposing her identity as the Cerulean City gym leader to the girl she's supposed to coach. "Pika-chu", mutters Pikachu tilting its head as Misty nervously comments about Cerulean City.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This flying pokemon is constantly pissed off..... just like your crazy English teacher.)

It's Spearow!!!............................................. "Spppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr!"

Calvin then waves the three of them off as the twerps now head for Cerulean City to meet Misty's sisters (though only Pikachu and Misty know this yet). Calvin tells them that they can come back to Northport anytime. And good riddance, they better be welcome back..... they helped you get rid of the town's most evil, sadistic, and torturous noise ever!!! And so they all say goodbye to close the adventure that defined why there is such a term called 'noise pollution'.

But oh.................... poor Team Rocket! They couldn't even catch any breaks at all today. We see them moping in a tavern in Northport standing behind some bar as Jessie mutters, "We didn't even get a chance to steal that rare Lapras or those twerps pokemon." "I hate this failure so much that I couldn't even eat my stir fry dinner", moans James sitting between Jessie and Meowth. "I'm not even hungry for my desert.... anyone want it?", asks Jessie and Wobbuffet pops out onto the next barstool to salute and volunteer to eat it.

"Jessie..... I don't have enough money on my TR credit card to afford desert for you...", eeks James. "Well I need a little more with my meal than an entree..", shouts back Jessie. "Well den one uhf us is gonna haftah wash some dishes for dese guys..... anyone wanna volunteer?", frets Meowth. Luckily for them, they have a patiently pleased servant ready to do their unwanted bidding as the camera pans back to witness Wobbuffet saluting, "Woooooooooooobbbuuuuhhffet!", apparently willing to sacrifice for the team. We leave them then with Wobbuffet smiling and saluting and the rest of TR sauntering looking oddly at the wuvable blue blob.