Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 36

As our threesome continues their journey, we find them now climbing a mountain that is full of snow. Everyone's boots are sinking deep into the heavy snow as they all trudge up the mountain. This agony leads Crystal to complain, "Are you sure this is the fastest way to Celadon City??" "It is according to the map....", mentions Justin. Tired of hearing about the map and how it's deceived them before, Misty snaps, "Give me that dumb map!!", and swipes it from the clutches of Justin. "Let's see..... we're here... we gotta go here.... blah blah blah", mutters Misty before she relents, "Ohh... I certainly hope you know this map, Justin." "Pikachu pika!", nods Pikachu as the next step it takes........... results in everyone falling down a big snowy ditch.

The threesome is aching from the pain of the fall and the cold wetness of the snow. "Sanshrew shrew!!!", yells Sandshrew in anger. "Why is there this pothole on this slope?", wonders Justin. "I knew this mountain would be nothing but unwanted obstacles...", groans Misty as they then hear some familiar cackling. "Huh?", says the threesome as they all look up to see a presence that deserves to be seen early and often.....

"Prepare for trouble right from the start"
"Make it double, we're as quick as a dart"
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie" popping up over the hole with a hooded parka on.
"James" doing the same thing.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight"
"Woooooooooooooobbbuuuuuuuhhhffet!!!", shouts our pleasantly pleased friend in his own parka before Meowth shovels snow over the poor blue thing and finishing, "Meeeowth, that's right!"

"Team Rocket again!", announces the threesome unnecessarily. "Well now.... we're so sorry you fell for our little construction project", says Jessie. "Oh Jessie, whatsoever shall we do to help these poor accident victims?", wonders James. "Well we can't get dem outta dere but we can take care of dere pokemon!", says Meowth. "Saaashrew shrew!!", angrily yells Sandshrew at Meowth. "You're not going to snow us in!", protests Crystal.

"Oh I think otherwise you little twerps...", comments Jessie, "Meowth, you know what to do." Meowth then whips out a net on a pole and throws it at Pikachu and Sandshrew trying to catch them. But the two loverodents don't accept getting caught that easily. They jump around the battered bodies of the threesome in the pit for a little while as Meowth keeps missing them. "Meowth...... can't you do any better than that??! Give it to me!", demands Jessie who's unhappy with Meowth as Wobbuffet rises up from the snow's surface behind them.

Meowth turns back towards Jessie and shouts angrily, "Hey.... I'm tryin to get dem da best I CAAAAAAAN.... CAAAAAAAAN..... CAAAAAAAAAN..... CAAAAAAAAAN.....CAAAAAAAAAN!!!" Everyone's ears are covered with Meowth's loud yelling and it makes James flamboyantly yell, "Do you have to be so incessantly loud??" At this point, the screen and mountain starts to rumble and everyone around starts to pick up on it. Misty asks her companions if they hear that noise and Justin responds that he hears it too and its getting louder.

"Hey..... I also hear it...", notices Meowth. "It's sounds like something big, ferocious, and unstoppable!", comments James as he seems to be turned on at the site of something big, ferocious, and unstoppable..... hah. TR then pauses and their skin turns pale with fear as they all comment, "Big? (Jessie says) ........ fahwocious(Meowth says)........ unstoppable?!?(James says)." "Uhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhh", they all solemnly utter with a noticable tagalong at the end of, "Woooooooooobbbuuhh."

<cue intro>

"A rumbling sound?..... high on a mountain?", says Crystal who along with Sandshrew and Pikachu become the first to pick up on what it is. "That means it's an....", says Jessie as TR looks behind them and see the rumbling unstoppable force quickly approching them. ".... AVALAAAAAAANCHE!", screams TR. "An avalanche?....... we're going to be buried in snooooow?!", shouts Misty nervously. "We've gotta get outta here!", nervously quips James as they all quickly head for their company registered SUV vehicle with an 'R' on the side as they quickly get in with Wobbuffet lagging behind and James drives off down the mountain hoping to beat out the wall of snow.

Unfortunately, they leave our threesome trapped in the snowy ditch unable to escape. Justin shouts wondering what they're going to do but Crystal steps forward and claims that she has an idea. She sends out Totodile to try and battle the impending avalanche................ or he will dance wildly to provide the threesome some comic relief as they get swept away and buried by the avalanche.

.................... some idea, Cris-tal!

The wall of snow continues to come down and Crystal orders Totodile to use its water gun to deflect the snow away. Now this seems like a very dumb idea of a puny stream of water against a mammoth wall of snow. That is true...................... until you remember how insanely powerful Totodile's water gun is. His burst of water comes onto the wall of snow and forces a major amount of it to go either around or over the snow. "Great idea, Crystal!", compliments Misty. "But snow is still getting into this ditch.... either we've gotta climb out or we need more water pressure!", warns Justin.

So Misty takes the initiative to help out and calls out Staryu who helps Totodile with its own water gun. The avalanche is getting more intense and everyone is trying to stay free of the mountain snow as some of it was still getting into the threesome's hole. Crystal shouts at Totodile and Staryu nervously to pump harder as the avalanche picks up. Totodile and Staryu continue to use their water gun as the rumbling reaches its peak. Crystal tries desperately to hold onto Totodile as it sprays and Misty also holds onto Staryu as well as they all shake. Sandshrew and Pikachu are rumbling as they are being clutched by Justin in the snowy ditch.

........................ oh they've been rumbling alright.... but for Justin to be involved??!.... now we expected more civilized behavior out of him! He's not related to Prof. Oak is he?

The rumbling avalanche finally stops leaving the twerps and their pokemon spared. Justin is thankful to be okay as Crystal and Misty thank their water gun toters and call them back into their pokeballs. So they're alive, that's the good news......... the bad news?? The avalache made the hole TR dug for them 5 times deeper. Misty complains, asking how she (and her mullet-hair) will ever get out of this. Justin comments that the wall of snow is super tall and that it'll take an eternity to dig out. That is when Cris-tal announces, "Don't worry, I'll get us out of here the best way I know how!"

Oh the dodgy possibilities that can bring forward.....

Crystal then calls out Cyndaquil who seems obliged to squeal, "Cyndaquil." Cris-tal then orders Sandshrew to start digging a hole upwards towards the surface that everyone can climb through and she then has Cyndaquil use his flamethrower to help out melting some of the snow. So the two rodent pokemon get to work creating a little tunnel that will get everyone back up to the new snowy surface. Sandshrew and Cyndaquil are widening the escape hole but progress seems to be going a tad slow and Crystal wishes there was a faster way to dig up to the surface.

That is..... a faster way other than the three of their lazy asses actually helping the pokemon dig and do some work.

But Justin does add to the pokemon helping to dig the escape route by throwing out his Raticate. "Raticate!", shouts the anger driven, crazy haired, redneck pokemon that's lookin like it wants to beat up anything that moves. But for now, it helps Sandshrew and Cyndaquil dig the escape route at Justin's order. So it goes into the snow clawing it like it was in the main event at Wrestlemania speeding up the progress of the snow tunnel. "Alright.... now we'll outta here before we know it!", proclaims a suddenly pleased Crystal. At this point, Misty thinks about the avalanche again and comments about it wondering if the avalanche is over by now.

And on that cue, we cut to TR........ desperately trying to outdrive the avalanche as they all make their way down the mountain. "Come on, James, can't you make this thing go any faster?", shouts Jessie as Wobbuffet adds on, "Wooooooobbbuh!" "Dis is no time ta be drivin dahfensively!", adds Meowth. "Ohhhh.... I knew I should've asked for an Explorer instead of a crappy MPV", whines James as again, Wobbuffet adds, "Wooooooooobbbuhhhffet". "I did request an Explorer..... but the boss made us settle for this hunk of junk", comments Jessie.

"I guess dat's da price of failyah...", quips Meowth as everyone then hears a sizzling sound. "What's happening now?", asks Jessie. "The engine's overheating....... it's not going any faster!", shouts James. TR gasps in horror as Meowth yells that they're gonna be snowed under as Wobbuffet shouts nervously from the backseat. A few moments later, we see the Mazda MPV get swallowed up by the wall of snow as it makes it way down the huge mountainside. An unfortunate TR is trapped inside screaming for their lives as the overheated SUV as it gets tossed down the mountain like a pair of dice on a craps table.

While TR gets buried away, the twerps have dug themselves up to the new surface of snow created by the avalanche. Crystal is relieved to be out as are Pikachu and Misty. "Phew.... I was getting worried that we'd be trapped down there forever", comments Misty as Crystal thanks Cyndaquil and Raticate and promises them bonus food for their effort as they both returns to their pokeballs. Apparently, Crystal was too lazy to give Totodile bonus food for saving their lazy lives from that avalanche....... but in any event, Justin compliments Crystal on a great idea as we see the giant ditch connecting with the escape route tunnel to realize what it looks like....

Great Scott!! It looks like a super-sized, makeshift BONG!

Well now, Crystal certainly does know what she's doing, doesn't she? But now that they're out, they have to decide what they have to do next according to Justin. Misty suggests that they try to find the next nearest town so they can get back on the road to Celadon City. Justin wonders how they could do that and Crystal decides to rely on Noctowl and she sends out the pokemon that would fit in at just about any rave....... even in NYC. Crystal orders Noctowl to fly off and find the nearest town and to come back and lead them to it. Misty likes that idea so much that she has Togetic come out to join in the search for civilization. And they both fly off after a twitch of the head from Noctowl as the threesome wishes them luck.

Justin asks the girls where they think they should go now. Crystal responds that they should keep going the way they were going before they fell for TR's pit. Unfortunately, they're not quite sure which way they were going and that all the road signs were covered up by snow from the avalanche so they don't know which way to go. Misty then tells them that she realizes that getting back on the road is important, but there's a more urgent problems concerning more avalanches that'll bury them if they keep going.

"Misty's right", agrees Justin not wanting to get into yet another flirtatious argument with Misty. Justin adds as we see a diagram of the mountain and its avalaches, "This mountain must be swamped with several avalanches this time of year. If we stay on this mountain, we're certain to be victims of another one." So Misty asks him what they should do and Justin suggests that they find a shelter of some sorts away from the snowy mountainside. Justin notes that according to the map, the nearest pokemon center is to the east of where they are. So they head off for the east as Misty quips, "I hope that stupid is right for once...."

We then see them trudging through the deep snow trying to make their way to the pokemon center. Each one having their sexy legs go deep into the snow. Pikachu and Sandshrew are having a harder time unfortunately as their chubby bodies are sinking through the soft snow. They would sink and be buried underneath the snow together where they'd have a 48-hour orgy fest and probably die but die very very happy. But Crystal helps them both through the snow so they don't end up sinking.

At this point, Misty and Justin both notice a group of black pokemon also trudging the snow quite gracefully. They see the pokemon climb this tree where a Sentret is trapped on and the black pokemon quickly climb up and start attacking it. "What are those pokemon and what are they doing?", wonders Misty. "Those are Sneasels..... they're carnivorous pokemon and they're probably after that Sentret", gasps Crystal. "That's terrible", remarks Misty as no one has ever grasped the thought of pokemon eating other pokemon being .............. <horrific gasp>........ lawful under nature.

Now try and tell me it's still a kiddie show....................... well?............

"I know it's bad, but we can't worry about fighting those things and helping that Sentret. The slightest disturbance could trigger another avalanche", explains Justin, "Let's just keep going!". However, the Sneasels attacking the helpless prey are causing a lot of noise. The Sentret, hopelessly fighting for its life, slams one of the Sneasels away and into a wall. This causes a big shake and another round of rumbling begins causing the Sneasels to abandon lunch time and run away.

"Oh no.... it's not happening again is it?", wonders Misty. "I'm afraid it is.... we'll have to make a run for it!", answers Justin as we see the cause of the rumbling. No, it's not Ash's stomach but another avalanche caused by the collapse of a huge mass of snow moved when the Sneasel got smashed into the rocky ledge. Crystal picks up Pikachu and Sandshrew as the threesome shouts and runs moronically for their lives. "We're not going to make it...", alerts Crystal as the avalanche is gaining on them.

Well it seems that our threesome would be doomed if it weren't a young lady on a snowmobile which conveniently rides in front of the trio. "Hurry.... get in!", shouts the young woman and the threesome hops in on the extra seats of the snowmobile. She then expertly steers the snowmobile around all the bumps and trees despite Pikachu's chubby gut on board. And thus, the snowmobile motors away off the mountainside as we see the wall of snow swallow the area of land where the twerps were trudging.

We then see them hanging out at a nearby lodge in a nearby skiing village and pokemon center (Welcome to the era of mergers). Crystal then talks to the woman telling her that they owe her their lives. "Thank you.... My name is Hewie, but tell me something, why are you three traveling up this mountain at this time of year? Don't you know that it's very dangerous at this time of year?", wonders Hewie. "Actually.... we didn't. We were just on the way to Celadon City Gym and this apparently was the quickest way", explains Crystal.

"Oh... pokemon trainers, huh?", says Hewie, "That explains it." That is when Nurse Joy comes in noticing the situation of the three rescuers at hand. "I'm surprised that there isn't more done to alert people about the dangers of avalanches around here at this time of year. Did anyone in the last town warn you about traveling by this mountain?", asks the short skirted nurse. "No.... and for all we know, there may be more out there facing the dangers of the avalanches", explains Crystal. "This is such a big problem.... others will still be in danger because of the lack of warning", quips Nurse Joy.

"But exactly does cause all these avalanches?", wonders Misty triggering another pokemon science lesson. As we view another animated diagram of a mass of snow, Hewie explains that it's near the end of winter and all the snow that came down on the mountain is beginning to melt and break apart which causes some of it to come down once a disturbance causes the snow mass to break apart triggering all of the avalanches. She then goes on to say that it's why they built their skiing village/pokemon center on a plateau that's safe from avalanches.

"Well it's certainly a good thing that you were where you were...", states Justin. Hewie then responds that it's her job and then........ then it starts to get interesting. How? Why Hewie it seems is starting to come to the young, strapping, college-bound man. "I like rescuing pokemon trainers....... are you in the Indigo or Kanto League?", asks Hewie with a sly smile on her face. Justin laughs in surprise as he stutter and tries to say that he is.

But Misty cuts him off and tells her that Crystal is the one training for the Kanto League and that she's Misty and Justin is Justin and they're Cris-tal's coaches. Justin grins in sarcasm as Misty has probably ruined his chances to score with her. Hewie then tells them that they're lucky to survive not only because of the avalanche danger, but also because of the dangerous storms that always pop up in high elevations. "Like those storms that mountain climbers have to deal with...", quickly points out Justin now trying the intellectual approach to warm up in the cold weather and get laid.

Hewie affirms him and adds that there is a path to the next town that's fairly safe and that she can guide them through the snow and on their way. "Well looky there.... you guys have a new ally on your journey for today...", proclaims Nurse Joy playfully. "And we can talk about your interests and hobbies during the long snowy walk", adds Justin who still refuses to give up.

Godspeed Justin................. Godspeed.

This makes the jealous Misty quip, "It also looks like we have a new problem to deal with on our journey." Pikachu then pops up in front of her and sums these shenanigans up like a sage being the character who's been on the show the longest (just outdoing Misty).

"Pi-pika-pika??"

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (It's name sounds like something that should be cute, but in fact this pokemon's actually quite butt ugly.)

It's Furret!!!................................................ "Furret furret!!"

We return and notice that.......... alright..... TR has survived. And not only that, they're soaring above the snowy surface in their happy buddha-faced Meowth balloon. "Oh well.... at least now we don't have to worry about anymore avalanches up here in this balloon", moans James. "Wooooooooobbbuuuhhffet!", adds Wobbuffet in agreement. "Yeah... pruhvided dat dere aren't any hundred foot tall snow ridges dat can take us down..", comments Meowth with Wobbuffet agreeing again. Meowth and Jessie then look angrily at Wobbuffet. Jessie yells that as usual, its being a pest for no reason and calls it back to its pokeball but not before we hear another pleasant, "Wooooooooobbb!"

"Apparently, the warming weather around here is breaking up the masses of snow which is triggering a lot more avalanches than usual", notes James reinforcing what Hewie mentioned earlier during her science lesson. "And dat's giving me an enormously explosive scheme for dose twoips...", comments Meowth. "Really? Let's hear it", demands Jessie. Meowth starts, "Well, once we find dem twoips trudgin up da mountain we den.......", and he goes into whispering.

Once through whispering, Jessie proclaims, "Why Meowth, that'll land Team Rocket a Sandshrew and a Pikachu, and it'll land us a promotion from the boss..." "I just hope that we get enough of a reward to repay the debt you made", quips James. "I MADE???!!! Don't you remember that you're the one that ultimately blew our bank account??!", snaps Jessie as she smacks James, "You'll be lucky if you eat even if we succeed with this plan!!". All this violence makes Meowth summarize, "Aw well, guess ya can't wish fuh total continuity within Team Rocket..."

Besides, they're better off being dysfunctional and violent.......................... and gay, too.

Meanwhile with our twerps (who as far as we know aren't gay...... at least they don't know it yet...), they are walking along with Hewie who needs to bring the snowmobile for her lazy ass. They are trying to seek out the right path to the next town so they won't get lost or buried by an avalanche. However, the snow is making things difficult as it has covered the right path and direction signs so the twerps have to wade through the deep snow. At this point now, they come to a spot where they don't know which direction to go as illustrated by Sandshrew tripping over himself as it was marching with the threesome.

"Do you know which way to go, you snowy Sacajawea?", asks Justin using all the game he can muster. "When will he cut it out with the lame pet names?", sighs not Misty, but Crystal..... who seems to be at wit's ends with Justin's flirting as well. Hewie laughs it off and then remembers where she is and determines that they should go a little bit to the left. And so, they continue to journey on through the several feet of snow in their North Face parkas and snow pants.

We flash forward in time to another area at the end of a snowy garden, where the threesome has to determine again which way to go. "Which way do we go now?", then asks Crystal. "What's wrong Hewie, you feeling cold or something?", wonders Justin. "Umm... no I'm fine", she responds as she gets to warm up next to her snowmobile, "It's just that I'm not sure which way to go from here. The snow has covered up everything and I forgot about this area....." "Uh oh.... if she doesn't know where to go.... then we could be here for awhile", fears Misty.

But fortunately, it's narcotics anonymous to the rescue................ well, sort of. Because the threesome hears a cooing coming from above and Crystal recognizes that it's Noctowl's sound. So they look up and there's Noctowl, who seemingly was let go and forgotten about earlier, and it flies down along with Togetic as they have found a place to go to. Crystal comments that they probably found somewhere for them to go and Hewie adds that maybe they found the town they're trying to get to. "If that's true, then they'll probably know which way to go", comments Justin.

Togetic then flies over to Misty who happily greets her one time parasite. She asks it if they found the way and Togetic responds, "Toge-trrrrrrriic!" Misty then thanks her pokemon and gives it a nice pet on the spiky head. She then asks it how it's feel and Togetic seems confused responding, "Toge?" Togetic's lack of understanding of the English language leads Misty to believe that it's tired. So Misty awww's and suggests it takes a break and force Noctowl to guide the twerps and keep it from getting it long, needed daytime sleep.

So Misty calls back Togetic with tender love and care and Crystal tells them that they'll use Noctowl to lead them down the right path. Hewie says that it sounds good and Justin says she does, too, causing Misty to look at him dumbly. Crystal then shouts to Noctowl, "Okay Noctowl.... lead the way!!" And thus, the threesome, Sandshrew, Pikachu, and Hewie start to follow the lead of Noctowl Downey Jr. on the road to perhaps a cocaine filled ghetto town where Noctowl and Crystal can both stock up.

So the twerps follow Noctowl for a few miles and once they're feeling happier, Hewie then comments that she now remembers this area of the mountain. Misty asks her if they're close to the next town and Hewie responds that they should make it to the next town shortly. "We'll be free of avalanches and free on the way to Celadon City", proclaims Crystal as a shadow starts to cover the twerps. "Shrew sanshrew", adds Sandshrew.

"Unfortunately for you, we'll be the ones that have the advantage right now!", shouts Jessie from above in TR's happy buddha-faced Meowth balloon. Yep.... TR has found our twerps already and are ready to hatch their scheme. "Well look who's back", proclaims Crystal sarcastically. "Dat's right.... and we're givin ya two choices!", shouts Meowth as the threesome huh's. "Eithuh hand ova Sanshrew en Pikachu, or get buried undah an enormous avalanche!", he issues. "Triggered by these handy explosives........ eee-hee-hee-hee-heeee", laughs James sounding as gay as ever.

"Absolutely not!", stammers Crystal. But Hewie warns her that if they ignore TR's ultimatum, they'll all be buried under an enormous avalanche. "Crystal, I don't think we can risk that!", says Misty. Justin adds that Misty's right and that they can go after TR once the threat of avalanches clear. Crystal growls at TR wanting to know how they can trust TR not to trigger one anyway. "Well if you want to risk the lives of yourself and your colleagues, that's your business. But it'll your fault if they all perish!!", explains Jessie.

Crystal grrrr's in female rage and then turns to her pokemon in love as they look wistfully at her. The images of the saddened adorable pokemon is what makes Crystal tell TR, "Fine.... you can have my pokemon." "Well now, you've made a very wise decision, twerp", applauds Jessie as they lower two hooks to snatch Sandshrew and Pikachu. TR then puts them in some protective glass casing so they can't use their attacks.

Crystal continues to growl at TR in their balloon as Hewie shouts at them, "How can you guys be so heartless?" TR gives her the true answer with Jessie telling her, "It's quite simple really..... just get stripped of any love you've had in you're life and then get recruited by Team Rocket..... ha haaa." "They certainly gets no love...", quips Justin. "And they don't deserve any either!", adds Misty. But Jessie comes back announcing from her balloon that they have one more surprise that'll put them at ease. "We're bombing the place anyway to put you in a deep freeze!", quips James to the shock of the twerps as he and Meowth throw a couple of explosives overboard blasting the mountain making snow pop up.

Next thing you know, the place starts to rumble again as Misty fears another avalanche. "This one's gonna be huge!", fears Hewie as Justin assures her that he's got her as he holds her while the ground is shaking. "Too bad you're not going to be buried properly", states James as TR laughs at their murder attempts. This steams Crystal beyond a boiling point as she shouts, "Those two-timers.............. Noctowl! Cut down that balloon!" So Noctowl darts up to TR's balloon and pecks a hole in it causing TR to fall to the ground a few furlongs ahead of the twerps.

"Those twerps cut us down to size again!!", shouts Jessie. "Dat's very nice but we gotta scram bafore we get plowed undahhhhhh!", panics Meowth. "We've got to get out of here!", shouts Justin to the rest of the twerps as they start to see the snow barreling down the slope. "Everyone climb aboard!", shouts Hewie asking for the twerps to board her snowmobile. Justin is all to eager to grab the seat behind Hewie and hold on to her as they escape. Misty and Crystal grab the sides of the vehicle as they start to motor off while Noctowl maneuvers its crooked way flying above them.

During their escape, they pass TR who's trying to make a run for it on foot. Crystal seems to want to rescue them because she tells Hewie that that was TR and that they can't leave them behind. Back with TR, James quivers, "I don't think we're goin to make it..." "We're not going to make it because you're sniveling more than you're running!", shouts Jessie. Hewie then shouts back to them yelling for them to take the rope and to hang on. TR looks at the rope and each other in confusion as Meowth decides, "We might as well take it.... we ain't gonna outrun da avalanche."

J & J agree so they take the rope with snow starting to trickle down on all of them and Hewie starts the snowmobile again. The twerps hang on through all the bumps on the road and rumbling of the mountain while TR's bodies ride over the snow and all the bumps. Jessie yells as she's hanging on for dear life with Crystal's love stricken pokemon attached on her back while James hangs on with his own backpack full of....................... full of...............

Well..... perhaps there's a copy of Black Inches magazine..... as well as the usual dresses and lipstick and such..... uhhhhhhhh......cuz.... cuz Jessie needs all those vanity items and studly black guys right? James would never have the audacity to be carrying it for himself...... uh, right?

Hewie guides the snowmobile through the falling snow and and ridges as the bulk of the avalanche is approaching. But the snowmobile isn't going very fast, so Misty asks why it isn't moving so fast and Hewie responds that there's too much weight slowing it down. "Must be from dragging TR", determines Justin as Crystal suggests they try to pick up speed by going a little downhill. Hewie likes the idea and starts to veer to the right as they're going downhill. The snowmobile starts to pick up speed and then Hewie spots an entranceway into another little village.

"There's the entranceway to Old Marietta (some town).... if I can get us all there, we'll be safe from the avalanche!", declares Hewie as she floors the gas on the snowmobile. "That's good cuz the avalanche is coming down on us any moment now!", warns Justin as TR continues to hang on to the thick rope as they all scream, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!". And so, they speed down the hill on the final stretch to Bumf*ckwintervillagetown as the snow is beginning to spray all of them. Hewie then finally speeds the twerp-carrying snowmobile with TR in tow past the ridge and into the entrance area for Old Marietta just before a high wall of snow tumbles down the mountainside.

"Whew.... we just made it! You alright Noctowl?", says Crystal and Noctowl hoots back to assure that it survived despite FUI (flying under the influence). "Well.... we just made it. This is Old Marietta, a nearby mountainous suburb of Celadon City", introduces Hewie. Crystal thanks her and proclaims that they never could've made it without her. "Especially me!", claims Justin who's still horny as his campaign of lust makes Misty frown upon him again.

At this point, Team Rocket comes to and picks their pretty mugs (by which I mean face, not pretty chinaware bought by James on the TR account) up out of the snow. "What's this??? Civilization?", wonders James. Meowth then figures out, "Dat means......" "WE SURVIVED!!!!", they all shout and they all hug each other and cry in relief that they're alive. "...and we have those twerps to thank. After what we did to them...", remarks Jessie.

"Don't be so thankful, I only rescued you guys cuz you captured Sandshrew and Pikachu", snaps Cris-tal, "And before we go any further, I'm going to take 'em back!" "Sorry twerp, but we're keeping these fine pokemon", states Jessie. "What do you expect after putting our lives in jeopardy for no reason?", explains James dramatically. "You're the three crooks that caused that avalanche in the first place!", shouts back Hewie.

"Quiet you undermatured little junior! This is far too serious for you!", scowls Jessie at Hewie trying to prove that she's the top woman in this little powwow going on here. But Justin backs up his chosen woman shouting, "You're in no position to be insulting anyone!" "Oh really.... well why don't you do something about it. Goooooooooooo Arbok!", shouts back Jessie throwing out her beloved cobra hissing, "Chaaaaarrbookka!" James follows Jessie's example and claims that he won't lie down either and then he proceeds to call out Weezing which is a symbolic way of saying that he will lie down for them.

"I'll never back down from scum like you!", shouts Justin who also has developed a nasty rivalry with one time allies, TR, "Nidoqueen...... ga..." But Justin freezes out of nowhere because his horny stalking ghost pokemon Misdreavus pops out instead. "Misdreeeeee!", says the sultry voiced ghost pokemon as she looks lovingly at her trainer against the snowy backdrop. This makes everyone fall over in one of those ironic anime pokemon scenes. "Misdreavus?? Um... I'm glad you wanna help but....... uh, ummm..... I didn't ask for you to come out", says Justin. But Misdreavus could care less as it just repeats itself and still stares at Justin.

So Justin gives in and sighs, "Ohhhh well, now that you're out.... go Misdreavus!" And Misdreavus immediately leaps into the fray to battle TR at the request of her sexy master. "Don't show it any mercy, Arbok! Use your bite attack!", Jessie demands. Justin has Misdreavus quickly get out of the way and then Justin orders Misdreavus to zap Arbok with the thunder attack it has. Jessie shouts at Arbok not to quit already as Wobbuffet comes out to cheer on TR. "Rrrrrrrrr.... you're the one that should quit while you're ahead!", shouts Jessie. "Woooooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet!", calmly replies the blue blob.

James then steps in and has Weezing use its........ <sigh>........ smog attack. Oooohhhhhhhhh..... BOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRIIIINNNG! Justin begs for Misdreavus to come out of the smog so that way, Misdreavus is assured that Justin did not disappear and abandon the psychotic ghost pokemon. But Cris-tal steps in and blows the smoke away herself being so experienced.

Well ok.... not really. But I'm sure we could all fathom the site of it.

Actually, she has Noctowl use whirlwind to blow the smoke away and back onto Team Rocket. With this opening, Crystal has Noctowl swoop in and lock its talons on Pikachu and Sandshrew's case. Noctowl then flutters its way back to the twerps and Crystal frees her pokemon, welcomes them back and thanks Noctowl. Jessie then presses Arbok to use its poison sting which lands on Misdreavus stunning it momentarily. Justin has Misdreavus retaliate with a psywave attack. The psywave attack freezes Arbok and Weezing and telekinetically sails them into TR.

Pikachu then notices Team Rocket all strewn about on the snowy ground and it sees this as an open invitation to finish off the job. Pikachu sees it as if TR is telling it 'Please shock us to death'. So Pikachu charges up its energy to attack. "Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-kaaaaaaaaaaaahhh....", it yells but just before it shocks TR into oblivion for the 469th time, it witnesses its boyfriend Sandshrew sailing into TR with a skull bash causing the snow around TR to burst up and around. Everyone on TR meanwhile, is somehow sent skyward by ONE Sandshrew skull bash in the f*cked up physics of the pokemon world.

"Team Rocket's blasting off yet agaaaaaaaaaaiiin!" "Woooooobbbuuuhh"

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (In a race with the hare, this slow-ass pokemon would win cuz it'd violate its bushy-tailed ass with lethal poison.)

It's Weedle!!...................................................... "Weeeeeeedlle!!"

Back with the twerps, Cris-tal thanks Hewie for helping them through the mountains and asks her what she's going to do next. Hewie tells her that she's going to head back to the pokemon center to help out Nurse Joy. Maybe they'll resume gettin it on after these bastard kids got in their way with their damn rescue situation! Justin then quickly jumps in to go after Hewie one last time saying, "Really? Well, it was great for us to meet and everything. If you could give me your e-mail or your phone number, then I'll be glad to chat with or meet you whenever we can. If you could give me Nurse Joy's number that'd be great, too!"

Hewie seems charmed but then we see the deceptive and hurtful truth as she answers, "Oh Justin.... you'd be a great boyfriend.......... that is, if my standard for boyfriends was CHEAP SCRUB!!!" "Aaaaaaaahhh", shouts Justin as he turns pale and slowly saunts to the ground. "You know Justin, I gotta admit. You take getting shot down by women more creatively than Brock", says Misty who's trying to get to him by putting him above Brock now that she's always around Justin. What a damn slut that Misty is..... eh?

Crystal then thanks Hewie for her life saving help (and showing them how to dump a guy without feeling) as she will soon set off to get high again and win more gym badges. So while the threesome is chillin in Old Marietta, we go back to TR one more time as they're buried in snow on the mountainside. And apparently, we all know this drill.

"Well... this is just great", mopes Jessie with just her head sticking out of the snow. "We failed again tah captcha Pikachu en Sandshrew en we got blasted off by da twoips painfully to a snow-filled hazadous mountain", gripes Meowth stuck next to Jessie. James then sarcastically quips, "Oh gee, I wonder what's going to happen now...", with his head popping out next to Meowth's. "Woooooooooobbbuuuuuhhhffet!", proclaims Wobbuffet loudly saluting from the snow behind Meowth with Arbok and Weezing to either side of the patient blue thing.

Unfortunately, Wobbuffet shouted so loud that it caused a series of Wobba-echoes. "Woooooobbbuuuuuhhffet......... Wooooooooobbbuuuuuuhhffet............. Wooooooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet.......... Wooooooooobbbuuuuhhffet." Next thing you know, we see and hear the rumbling of the mountain. "Uh ohhh", goes TR as J, J, & M turn around and see another avalanche ready to bury them. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", they all scream. Wobbuffet is scared by the mammoth rush of snow as it yells out that wise warning call.........

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!"