Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 39

No..... this is NOT about a bunch of babyish Cyndaquils reenacting the American Revolutionary War. Crystal's main fire squealer is not going to play George Washington and a whole bunch of them are not going to run around in circles like a bunch of enraged rednecks to get their fires lit so they can singe the Constitution to resemble signatures. No...... none of that American Revolutionary War crap!!!

But there's another kind of revolution going on in the land of Crystal (the ratings are so high that the name of the land has been informally changed among the hip youngsters as well as the potheads). A revolution that involves the greater good of mankind (well.... in Crystal anyway). And it'll be one that conveniently interrupts Team Rocket's evil plans and help our threesome today. You probably guessed it.... it's another sudden hero (usually some turd) that helps the other heroes (threesome) beat the real heroes (Team Rocket) storyline that dodgers are sick of. It's kind of accurate maybe.......... until you mention one more thing about it to get your attention.............

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CHARIZARD!!!

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Yes..... I am talking about THE Charizard. The one that always made Ash his bitch until Ash kinda wisened up about the mighty one. Yes, Charizard has just been mentioned and you'll soon read about why. But............ let's finally get to the story today..... That would be this one here where we see Crystal on the videophone with her drug supplier, Prof. Oak. "Hey..... thank you for your support and equipment upgrade, professor", says Crystal to Prof. Oak.

See?...... I guess this brings up an interesting question...... exactly what can be transported from those pokeball transporter? Don't laugh........ cocaine has been transported through dog's anuses before to get on airplanes........ I'm not f*ckin kidding! <grumbling>

OH GETCHA MIND OUTTA........... ah, forget it!!!

Prof. Oak asks if Crystal's quest is going well and Crystal (with her eyes bloodshot) replies that she recently picked up a third Kanto League badge. Professor Oak praises her but seems serious and not pleased since Crystal is progressing so much faster that his bastard son and she'll be back in time to screw up his affair with Delia. He mentions that the other pokemon of Ash's that are abused by Oaky say hello to Crystal, too, as we see Tracey performing....... lab work (I guess.... who knows with that sick professor)... Behind Professor Oak. Then Old Man Oak goes on to say that they are continuing to support him and that's why he and Mrs. Ketchum sent her a "care package" for the three of them.

Good God...... is there no limit these sickoids (Sam and Delia) will go to tah be dodgy??

Crystal thanks him and Oaky then asks where her friends are. We then see Misty in a standoff with Justin. "So you think I'm a motormouth, huh?", says Misty. "I guess so..... at your most annoying", bluntly puts Justin. "You don't know what annoying really is!", responds Misty. "Your just jealous because I've had success in pokemon training whereas you Misty, only have become a gym leader", challenges Justin. "Oh yeah.... well if you're so much better which you're not, why don't you prove it by battling me!", says Misty.

Oh yeah.......... IT.............. IS .................... ON!!!

Justin then goes, "Huh?", and then goes on to yell about how she doesn't even know anything about big time pokemon training. Misty then goes, "Oh yeah!!", and then claims she knows more about pressure battles than Ash, Crystal, and Justin combined. And at this, Justin comes up with a clever comeback joking with Misty, "Sorry Misty..... nagging Ash and us all the time don't count as pressure battles." Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... you can almost hear the Jenny Jones audience ooh-ing back and forth.

After all this, Misty and Justin are at each others throats with Misty looking like she's choking more life out of Justin. She's scary....... she could be a Team Rocket bad guy if Togepi didn't take away so much needless criminal, violent energy. Crystal observes all this with a sweatdrop as Pikachu unsuccessfully tries to call a truce. So Crystal tells Prof. Oak that she better go and break them up as Sandshrew confirms her decision and Old Man Oak tells them to be safe and have fun even though violence is breaking out as the dirty old man speaks.

So they disconnect and Crystal then goes towards Justin and Misty to try and break them up. And as we see the threesome in their bind from overhead, after a couple moments of negotiations and the arguing among protagonists that dodgers love, a quick black shadow passes over them like a small flying jet.

What could it be?...... Oh, what could it be???

<cue intro>

We then see Misty and Justin lined up opposite against each other with Cris-tal in the middle. Crystal then announces that since Misty and Justin are so caught up with their accomplishments that she's decided to pit them against each other in a one on one pokemon battle. Justin then tells Misty that it's going to be a shame that she won't be able to run her mouth anymore about her skills. Misty replies that they'll see who ends up getting silenced. Justin proposes that they make it simple and use just one pokemon each while Misty agrees to the stipulation.

As they continue to negotiate and nag and tease each other while Crystal pretends to be controlling them, well look at this............ some sick peeping Tom is watching this unfold. Who would be intrusive enough to watch this?? Team Rocket................. duh! "Well..... it looks like dose twoipy twoips is gonna battle each udda", observes Meowth through their trademark microphone/binoculars. "Hmmph", sneers Jessie, "Good.... one more loss for one of those twerps to cope with." "They all deserve to feel the way they constantly make us feel", mopes James. But fortunately, Wobbuffet comes out saluting and saying, "WOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUHHFFET!" "And you deserve to feel the way

you make us feel", utters Jessie ready to call back Wobbuffet until Meowth holds her up.

"Our blobby little companion and some mechanical woik of mine is givin me an idea of a way to make off wit dere pokemon", claims Meowth. "It is, huh?", wonders Jessie intrigued. Meowth continues that they'll quickly ambush the twerps and take their pokemon during the match and they then all huddle while Wobbuffet stands patiently pleased next to them as they discuss their plan. Once they're out of the huddle, Jessie turns to Wobbuffet and then smiles saying, "You may not be welcome among the three of us normally, but if you help us succeed with this, you'll be our MVP." "Woooooooobbbuuuuhhhffet", says Wobbuffet saluting once more.

Hooray for Jessie being friends with Wobbuffet!

Back to the battle, Crystal makes Justin "be a gentleman" and select his pokemon first. So Justin winds up like Roger Clemens and then pitches out the ancient kitchen-friendly pokemon Kabutops. "Kabutops!", shouts the shellfish pokemon as it dives into water to take on Misty's marine assault. Misty comes back by sending out cute little Horsea that may still be on some performance enhancing chemicals as it neighs out, "Hoooooorr-rr-rr-rrsseeeea!"

The battle begins with Justin having Kabutops use its headbutt attack but Misty has Horsea use its headbutt, too, and they bounce off each other taking equal damage. The damage is equal despite the fact that Kabutops's head looks like it's made of metal and much bigger than the little noggin of Horsea. Hmmph.......... so Horsea's still gots the steroids or whatever in it.

Misty then has Horsea use a twister attack which becomes a huge cyclone aiming right towards Kabutops who is able to avoid it with its double team attack splitting into about ten other Kabutops. Justin then has Kabutops use a slash attack but it misses its mark after Horsea protects itself with a smokescreen in the water. Horsea then pops out of the water, turns around, and fires a water gun at a surfacing Kabutops knocking it beneath the surface.

"You and your sisters did a great job with that Horsea..... but enough compliments... it's time to get really serious. Kabutops, use your swords dance!!", says Justin. So Kabutops spins around and around as Horsea tries another water gun which breezes off the spinning scythe master............. though I don't think any Scyther would like me saying that. Justin then has Kabutops ride the surf even though there's no real waves in the river they're battling on.

But Kabutops still leaps up out of the water and generates a small little wave heading for Horsea. Horsea uses a very creative move to get away from the surf. Misty has it poise itself and........................... it just dives under the f*cking wave!!! Well.... Justin's not at full brain power capacity today..... Celadon City St. U. admissions won't be pleased with that. But hey.... wait till they get Ash Ketchum's college application.... laughs a plenty should come from that.

Horsea then pops back on to the water surface and uses its dragonbreath which rattles Kabutops as it desperately tries to endure the stench from the chili and lima bean pellets that Horsea had for lunch today. But Justin has Kabutops refocus to use its rock slide attack. Kabutops goes down underwater and in an awesome display of 'Don't mess with this mothaf*cka!' power, sends giant rocks sailing out from the floor of the riverbed. Horsea tries to avoid them but it then gets clocked by one of them putting it under the water and.... well.... it was just put under and so it's unable to continue.......................

................ or is it?

"Looks like that's game, set, and match, Misty!", smiles Justin as Misty looks despairingly concerned for Horsea until................. we see from underwater that Horsea is beginning to flash and turn white with the last remnants of the performance enhancing chemicals in its body. The threesome are dazzled by the underwater flashes as Sandshrew gasps in wonder, "Saaaaaashrew!" From underwater, we then see Horsea transform its shape until............... "Doo doo!".... it becomes a Seadra. Seadra then leaps out of the water and stares down Kabutops telling it, "Doo doo!!", which means..... 'You didn't beat me with that bi-atttch!'

And I swear to God, in the anime, Seadra's catch cry is "Doo doo." Don't believe me??? Watch Fit to be Tide and you'll see what I mean.

"Amazing.... Horsea evolved into Seadra during the battle!", gapes Cris-tal as Misty becomes ecstatic that she has a new pokemon. "Must be dumb redhead luck", grumbles Justin. Ha haaa! That was pretty funny....... and most likely accurate. Misty shouts at Justin that they're now really ready to battle and Justin responds that they're not shaken. Crystal meanwhile, ain't too used to Seadras so she checks out Dexter's info.

Seadra - the Dragon Pokemon - Seadra's fin tips, leak poison. It's fins, and bones are highly valued as, ingredients in, herbal medicine.

Hmmm.... it'd be useful for Old Man Shuckle but his workplace would also be pretty tough to talk about. I mean...... with all those horny Shuckle, a Bellsprout who's name rhymes with poopy, and a pokemon that says, "Doo doo!", and then of course we know how filthy midgets are. Oh wait............................ no we don't..... nevermind about that. But anyway, Justin has Kabutops try to slash Seadra but the scaly, spiky seahorse escapes. Misty then has Seadra use its hydro pump attack which Justin didn't know it had due to his reaction.

Kabutops tries to dive underwater again to avoid the water blast but it gets to Kabutops anyway. Justin then looks in sorrow as Kabutops is knocked out and Crystal declares Misty the winner. She throws her fist up in radical protesting feminist fashion and then picks up Seadra to whirl it around in celebration before she puts it back in the riverbed for a moment. Justin then goes over to her and Misty sneers at him wondering what he has to say now. Oh she's going to brag about this for awhile.

Eh ..... good! More ammunition for Misty to argue and scream with when she's angry and aggressive.... the way everyone likes her.

Justin then says that he's tremendously impressed with Misty's training and that she did earn the victory even if she was lucky. He also concludes that he only teases her because she's his friend and extend his hand in a truce and Misty shakes on it. See?? Justin's acting like a man...... he's just a dodgy man. But as Justin and Misty are shaking hands in their truce to the delight of Pikachu and Sandshrew curling up behind the yellowish rodent, two cages come down from the heavens and pick up Seadra and Kabutops to the horror of the threesome. But they're not coming from heaven, why, they're coming from the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon and a laughing TR.

"Prepare for trouble, these pokemon are ours"
"Make it double cuz they're both behind bars"
"To protect the world from devastation", as they go to a 2 dollar backdrop of blue sky and clouds.
"To unite all peoples within our nation", as James throws out his arms wide just like Jessie did.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light", as the big R drops in behind them.
"So surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight"
"Meeeeeeowth, that's right!", finishes Meowth.

"Team Rocket!", shouts the threesome as they seem to love to shout menacingly at them. "Exactly how many times do we have to beat you until you finally give up?", wonders Crystal. Jessie replies, "Ha.... you can't make us quit you twerps, you're not our boss!" "And we won't leave you until we hand you your first Team Rocket loss", adds James to make it pretty and rhyme and everything. "Yeah... en you're about tah lose cuz we're leavin with dese two fine catches we gots here!", says Meowth.

"Oh no you won't!", promises Crystal, "Sandshrew, Pikachu, you know what to do!" The two of them nod in agreement as they look up and leap ready to attack. Meowth laughs at the pokemon couple's puny attempt and then says its time to unleash their secret weapon as he pushes a button and controls a joystick. "You ready, Wobbo?", asks Meowth to Wobbuffet, who's strapped into a dish like device at the end of a giant robotic arm extending from the bottom of the balloon basket. "Wooooooooooooobbbuuuuhhffet!", replies Wobbuffet. Pikachu aims its thunderbolt and Sandshrew aims its sandstorm at the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon.

But Meowth controls the Wobbuh-dish on a robotic arm and Jessie has Wobbuffet use its counter attack and the attacks deflect back towards Pikachu and Sandshrew damaging them to Crystal's concern. "Ahaaa.... nice job you little blobby Wobbuffet!, compliments Jessie. "And with this huge supply of potions, Wobbuffet's energy will never run out..... ooooohh, I can almost hear the boss giving us our reward now", then states James. Sandshrew and Pikachu then get caged by TR as they drop more cages from their balloon.

Crystal yells for her pokemon couple in concern as Misty declares that they have to do something. But Crystal then adds that any attack to free the pokemon will be blocked by Wobbuffet and that device. Justin then declares that he thinks he can get around it and then calls out Dragonite who goes, "Brrrw", with its pink shades on............. umm, Oh-kay?!! Jessie then panics and states that they have to protect themselves since Dragonite is too fast for them. So James hurriedly calls out Weezing to uglify the scene and to use its smog attack to keep Dragonite from seeing its target. Crystal then complains that she's nearly choking due to the smog from Weezing.

The Meowth balloon moves aside as Weezing covers the entire area with its ugly gas getting Dragonite somewhat lost as Justin tells it to hang in there. James has Weezing then uses its sludge attack a few times which Dragonite barely avoids each time. Dragonite then barrels right through Weezing and then Justin has it use its hyper beam on TR. Misty then claims that this will definitely penetrate the Wobbuh-dish shield and then Dragonite charges up its super attack. Team Rocket sees this coming and Meowth says that they have to turn up the Wobbuh-defense up to as high as it can go.

Then, Dragonite lets the hyper beam go and Jessie tells Wobbuffet to counter it. So the blast of energy heads straight for Wobbuffet who's strapped to the dish as it musters out a, "WOOOOOOOOOBBB!", with all its might to try and counter the hyper beam which is currently at a standstill. And then, in a stroke of luck for TR for once, the blast reverses and fires back at Dragonite ko'ing the weird looking retro dragon to the shock of Justin.

Dragonite then gets scooped up into another TR cage as Jessie triumphs saying, "This day turned out better than we thought, who would've thought we coulda caught all these rare and valuable pokemon. And we all owe it to our blobby little friend and your device, Meowth." "Say, what's in that machine that's making Wobbuffet so extra powerful, Meowth?", wonders James. "I'm glad ya asked", answers Meowth as he then explains using a diagram on the screen. He explains that he took Wobbuffet's energy and used it to reinforce the defense dish so that Wobbuffet counter energy would be enhanced to deflect super powerful attacks like Dragonite's hyper beam. He then says that Wobbuffet's energy is then replenish by potion that's stored in the robotic arm's potion tank.

And that everyone, is how science can be education and beneficial to the forces of evil. Just don't tell any Al-Qaeda or Al-Qaida or however you spell them.

J & J reply that they're both amazed at Meowth's sudden scientific knowledge to which Meowth responds, "I read it all in de instruction manual!" "Come back here with my pokemon!!", shouts Crystal. Jessie responds that she's sorry but they're done playing with the twerps for today and that it's time to sail off as they taunt Crystal one more time before they go. Crystal grrrr's in frustration at first before Justin recognizes something in the skies over the mountain behind TR as he wonders, "Hey Crystal, what is that?"

It's big, it can fly, and it has someone riding it. It's also heading for TR's balloon to attack it. Before you start to think that this is another one of Falkner's evil empire assaults with his Pidgeot, you should know that it's a force that's way more fearsome and butt kicking than any evil bird boy with a Pidgeot. Hell no, for when the shadows from the figure clear, we find the secret flyer to be.......... A Charizard. And the rider on his back, that bitch Leeza who tricked the 2 cent brain of Ash Ketchum to leave his Charizard with her which just goes to prove.....

It is THE CHARIZARD!! And it's come back to lay the smack down on Team Rocket.

Pikachu immediately recognizes him as it goes, "Pika-pikaa!", in joy. "Daaaah! What's Charizard doin here?", panics Meowth. Leeza then tells Charizard that it knows what to do since Charizard's good like that and doesn't need some idiot pre-teen boy to order his every move. So Charizard aims its flamethrower at TR's balloon and James manages to move the balloon just barely out of the way. TR shouts in fear as Jessie hurriedly tells Meowth to get the protective Wobbuh-dish in place.

So Meowth moves the dish with Wobbuffet strapped to it so it comes between Charizard and TR. Crystal can't believe that it's a Charizard and Misty picks up on the fact that Charizard and that woman (they're too far away to make an exact identification) must have sensed that we were in peril and have come to help out. Charizard then aims its flamethrower again which Wobbuffet counters burning Charizard. So Wobbuffet seems to have the upper hand on Charizard..... but as you all know from Charizard's previous adventures....

YOUR BITCH AIN'T GOIN OUT LIKE THAT!!

Charizard gets back up stubbornly just like its former trainer, Mr. Peabrain (Ash), and fires a couple more flamethrowers which are sent back at it by Wobbuffet. Charizard then growls at TR while Wobbuffet just stares back with a patiently pleased smile. Leeza then determines that it has a tough defense mechanism and Jessie responds, "Face it, you female circus act wannabe, we safe with our protective Wobbuh-dish!" "That's right, and there isn't anything that one twerpy Charizard can do about it", adds James.

Okay, Leeza probably supposes that maybe it'd be too tough for one Charizard (even one as mighty as the one we know so well) to penetrate TR's invention. So she blows a whistle and in just a few seconds, dozens of other Charizards, including Charizard's bitch Charla, show up behind Leeza and Charizard ready to take out TR. "I think we're in trouble", nervously quips Jessie as Meowth goes, "Uh oh!" "Woooooooooobbbuuuuuhhhffet", says Wobbuffet observing the numerous Charizards surrounding it.

They all begin to shoot their flamethrowers, some of which burn the chains freeing all of the captured pokemon, some of which burning Team Rocket, while still others heat up Wobbuffet as it struggles through the burns and heat. "Look at all those Charizards work together!", points out Justin as opposed to how the threesome always teases and scuffles among each other........... but it's okay, cuz they're friends.......... Teh! Sure they are. "I thought they looked familiar", notes Misty who now realizes that they're the Charizards from the Charicific Valley.

James shouts out that they have to do something and Jessie responds wondering what can they do against so many enemies. A couple of flamethrowers and wing attacks then slice up the balloon causing TR to fall to Earth as they scream for their lives. Our Charizard, the king of them all who got revenge and whooped ass when it was let in, then grabs the balloon and flies around in a circle with the planet in the background as it winds up for its seismic toss. Then, instead of throwing them down, Charizard throws the balloon, TR, and the defense dish with Wobbuffet strapped to it up, up, and away.

"Aaaaaaaaaaahhh! Looks like Team Rocket's blasting away agaaaaaaaaaaaiiinn!" "Woooobbuuuhh wooobbuuhh!"

Some other Charizards then swoop down to catch the falling pokemon. One catches Pikachu while another catches Sandshrew, another catches Kabutops and somehow doesn't get scratched, another one catches Seadra while it takes three Charizards to catch the plummeting Dragonite. THE Charizard then commands the others to bring back the threesome's pokemon. Misty can't believe that Charizard has formed some kind of fighting squad along with the other Charizards. Crystal then asks Misty if she knows that Charizard from earlier before.

And now the pot princess shall know....... about the legacy and legend..... that is......... Charizard.

Misty tells her that this was one of Ash's old pokemon and that it was one of his strongest battlers that Ash has ever had. She also goes on to say that Charizard won many tough battles for Ash before Justin picks up saying that he remembers some matches where Charizard was up in front of unbelievable odds and Charizard still pull through. And during all of Misty's and Justin's recollections we see highlights of the mighty Charizard at its best...... kicking ass and taking names.

"This Charizard here was a born winner. That's why when it met the challenge of Charicific Valley facing other Charizards that were just as tough as it was, it became determined to join the ranks of the best and so it got through a rigorous night to prove to us that he was worthy. Since then, Charizard has worked his way to becoming the most respected Charizard in the entire valley", cuts in Leeza without permission. And in case you don't remember..... yes, she is the bitch who made Ash give away Charizard and begin to bring a whole new wave of cheap imitation starters like Chikaslut to the roster (even though all the newbies have their good points as well......... even the lusty Chikorita).

Of course the twerps don't mention to her all of Charizard's mighty accomplishments such as those we all know about....... defeating a Magmar (IN THE VERY HEART OF A VOLCANO ITSELF!!!), defeating a world champion water type Poliwrath, going toe to toe with one of the ugliest Dragonites known to man, defeating the super fast Pidgeot of an evil bird trainer while flying with a broken wing, as well as stopping an unstoppable Arbo-tank commandered by that evil egg thingy, Togepi, and finally last but certainly not least, defeated a super powerful Tyranitar and then beat another Charizard right afterwards to finally make that p*ssy Richie go away (may he rest in pieces).

And of course Leeza doesn't mention how Charizard got blindsided by all the "equally competitive" Charizards. So Charizard was given away by Ash for being weak so it took out its frustrations on all the other cheap shot artists in the Charicific Valley. After laying a massive smack down on the others, it became the ruler of all Charizards and made Charla his personal girlfriend. And now, it looks like Charizard has united all his followers and has formed a militia to fight for truth and honor.

And what do you think Crystal knows about Charizard right now? Well, yeah she knows that its an awesome pokemon..... and she's probably fascinated that with his tail, she would never have to pay for lighters again.

Crystal comments that Leeza's gang of Charizards was awesome and worked so well before going on to say that they all really owe her for rescuing their pokemon from TR. We then see Pikachu introducing its boyfriend Sandshrew to its old buddy Charizard as well as Charla. "Pika pika-chu!", introduces Pikachu as Charizard replies back with a simple, "Roar!" Charizard is always short and to the point, isn't he? Leeza courtesies Crystal and says that this group is known as the Charizard Militia. After the threesome repeat the name moronically, Leeza explains that they travel around and help fight any evil that comes along the way.

"You mean like Team Rocket?", asks Justin. Leeza then confirms him talking about how they constantly lay the smack down on TR. And from the looks of things she says, TR looked extremely upset that they interfered in their personal plans for you. "Yeah.... they were looking to get away with our pokemon", claims Misty as she holds Seadra. "And I think they'll come right back at us for revenge", claims Leeza, "and we'll have to be ready!" Charizard then swoops in and growls to kind of agree with its caretaking bitch as she still has that pimp cane she twirls about.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon is enormous yet phallic looking.)

It's Onix ...................... "Ga-rrrooooooooaaarr!!"

"Oohhhhhh.... just when we were about to win!", groans Jessie. "Just when we finally had those twerps beat, some meddler comes in and overwhelms us to send us back to square one", says James. "Wooooobbbuuuhhffet", agrees the patiently pleased friend while Meowth mopes, "Hasn't dat happened bahfore?" "Wooooooooobb", answers Mr. Congeniality one more time. "I wish we had some kind of water.... those menacing Charizards couldn't touch us then", says James.

"James, that's it!", declares Jessie brightly. "Wat's it?", wonders Meowth. "I was just given an idea that exact revenge on those twerps and submerge those Charizards......... ahaaaaa!", explains Jessie. "But Jessie, how are we gonna take on a whole militia of big, scary Charizards?", wonders James in a whiny tone of voice. "Think about it, James........ that army will destroy us if we meet them head on, but those fiery Charizards can't touch us underwater!", explains Jessie with Wobbuffet tagging on, "Woooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet", at the end. "But Jessie, how is we gonna sneak up en attack dem from undawater?", asks Meowth. "Leave it to me", proclaims Jessie as usual taking charge for her dimwitted companions, "I've got just the thing for us to use!" "Wooooooobbbuuuhhffet", says a delighted saluting Wobbuffet.

Back with the twerps, Leeza explains more of the story of the Charizard Militia when Misty asks her about how it formed with Justin standing alongside her. She claims that there used to be a lot of in-fighting between the Charizards in the Charicific Valley. But when Ash's Charizard entered the valley, his incredible power and ability earned all the Charizard's respect, especially since he was a much smaller Charizard than most of the rest. With Charizard's respect, all her (possessive bitch) pokemon were united and they decided to have their unity put to good use and they became a special pokemon squadron to help with land security wherever they're needed.

While Misty and Justin listen to Leeza's story, that leaves us with the burning question of what's Crystal doing? Whoa........... that was PUN-ishment I didn't even intend. But still, that is kind of a relevant thing to say with Cris-tal. From what we do get to see of Cris-tal's activities are using the videophone once again to run up her crackhead mother's phone bill. On the other end, we see a videophone ringing as someone with tons of bandages wheels his way up to the vid-phone. Why........... it's a mummy!!!! No......... actually it's the physically and emotionally crippled boy wonder himself, Ash Ketchum.

"Uhh.... hello?", garbles Ash. "Hey Ash!", greets Crystal whose eyes look surprisingly bloodshot (tsk tsk Cris-tal.... I think it's past time you went to rehab) and Pikachu and Sandshrew greet him as well. Ash's eyes light up when he sees Pikachu and he says hi to all three of them. He then asks how they're making out and.................

..................

.................. GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!

Anyhow.... Crystal tells them that they're doing just fine and that she has a special guest that wants to see Ash. Instead of getting excited about a special guest like most 13 year olds, Ash just goes, "Uhhhhhh..... huh?", as he tries to grasp the concept of special...... guests. And then from the side of the videophone, comes Charizard as the little Oak child can't believe his eyes. "Wooooooww.... it's Charizard!! How're you doing old buddy?", he asks. "Roooaaarr", responds Charizard to imply that he's doing a lot better than his dumbass ex-trainer.

"That's great", responds Ash who doesn't care what Charizard might be implying. Crystal then explains to him as clear as she can (....... not clear enough for Ash) that his Charizard is now the leader of a huge militia and asks Ash if he's proud. "Absolutely", beams the prodigal child, "And his greatness is all attributed to my hard work and training." Ay............ let's just assume that Ash has taken one too many Meganium rapings or IV feeding of crack intended for his mom. Charizard then growls mildly in reaction to Ash's incredibly dumb remark.

Ash then tells Charizard that he's very proud of Charizard and to not let anything get in the way of him being happy as he’s suddenly becomes Charizard's godfather. "Alright Ash...... take everything slow, you're pokemon all say hi and they're doing just fine. I'm gonna bring back the Kanto League championship soon, Ash. I promise", concludes Crystal who figures that she's heard enough out of the brick-headed Ash. They then all say good-bye and Crystal hangs up. And as for Ash............ let's just hope Meganium's not around to date rape him again.

A little while later, all the pokemon and twerps are playing by the riverbed while the Charizards are all grooming themselves and hitting on the female Charizards. Leeza then asks them if any of them is in a pokemon league. Crystal responds in a giddy manner that she's currently earning badges for the Kanto League and that they're heading for Celadon City to challenge the gym leader there.......... which if you have the memory span of Ash...... is the perfume tycoon, Erika. "That sounds cool.... you have a strong enough roster to win it?", wonders a doubting bitch Leeza as she twirls her pimp cane again. Crystal responds slowly that she's confident that her roster can win it all though she intelligently admits that it would be awesome if she could battle with Charizard in her corner.

They go on to babble a little bit more as we then see Sandshrew and Pikachu 'frolicking' around in the meadow while Charizard is with his bitch Charla nearby. But behind them, TR is spying on all of them through a periscope in the....... yes, that's right.......... the Magikarp sub from the Orange Islands episodes. "Ready to grab 'em Meowth?", asks Jessie. "Ready!", responds Meowth as James claims that he can't believe they actually got their Magikarp sub fully restored. "Quiet James! And fire!", shouts Jessie as Meowth pushes a button which springs a hand out of the sub that grabs the pokemon couple as they shout for help as they're dragged under the water.

The only one to see the abduction is Charizard, of course, who roars to tell Charla and then they go inform the twerps as to what just happened. They roar at them and Leeza asks them what happened and Charizard roars to imply that something isn't right. Crystal then notes that Sandshrew and Pikachu are missing as she frantically asks where they went. Charizard then leads them to the river where Justin wonders if they fell in. TR's sub then rises out of the water with Jessie taking aim with a water cannon on top of the sub as it floats down the river.

"It's Team Rocket again!!", shouts the threesome as Crystal says, "They must have Sandshrew and Pikachu!" Leeza believes that they've come back to get revenge on the Charizard militia................ and she's right..... since she's already proven that she's obviously 30 times smarter than Ash and that TR was more angry than usual this time at getting screwed.

Leeza orders the Charizard Militia to attack the sub but to her horror, she sees Jessie blasting all of them with their powerful water cannon. Jessie then laughs as she taunts the Charizards hoping they had a cool blast. She then bids farewell to the twerps as she commands James and Meowth to take themselves under (GETCHA MIND OUTTA....) wait.... let me try that again.... Jessie tells them to take her down and..... no no.... oh well. To put it simply, she withdraws to the sub which goes back underwater.

There........... explained just like a third grader.

Crystal shouts that they have to go after them refusing to let her all-time arch enemy Jessie win over her. So Leeza feels for their cause and tells Charizard to follow TR which he does by the currents that TR's sub is generating. After following the sub for a few seconds, Leeza, with Charla beside her, tells the mighty lizard king pokemon to get the Magikarp submarine out of the water. Justin has never seen Charizard survive a dousing before and tells Leeza frantically that it's too dangerous noting that Charizard's flame will go out. Crystal agrees, adding that no fire pokemon can survive underwater for as long as Charizard has been underwater. And after a few seconds, Charizard went in

and still hasn't come out to the concern of Misty and Charla with anxious expressions.

So it looks like Charizard finally perished on a rescue mission... that is until you all realize............ YOUR BI-AATTCH AIN'T GOIN OUT LIKE DAT!!!

As TR continues to peddle down the river, they feel something ramming against them as they feel its effects. Once Meowth wonders what it was, they feel themselves losing control of the sub as we see from out of the river...... yup.... Charizard emerges just fine .... and with the Magikarp sub over his head. He then tosses the sub ashore into the waiting clutches of the threesome and Leeza's Charizards. Charizard then begins to pant in exhaustion after surviving a near death rescue.

Misty comments on how amazing that was as they all look on in shock. Crystal takes a step forward and tries to threaten a disoriented TR while she's baked. "Now you have to confront us all face to face.... and there's no escape this time!", she says. "And we're going to finish you off and show you why you never mess with the Charizard Militia!", declares Leeza with Charla snarling behind her. "Really? We'll see which team has the power with this water cannon!", shouts Jessie as she gets behind the still functioning weapon.

Leeza pauses for a moment before Crystal begs her to let them kick TR's ass arguing that she and the Charizards have bailed them out and now they're going to help them. "And we're not pulling any punches this time!", shouts Justin promoting violence.... mainly gang violence. He prepares to call out Hoothoot but before it can come out, the always ever horny Misdreavus comes out to startle Justin in mid wind-up. "Mis-dreeeee!", states the sultry voiced ghost pokemon which makes the threesome fall over.

"Uh.... huh huh... Misdreavus, I didn't ask for you to come out and battle", nervously laughs Justin. But Misdreavus just smiles back groaning, "Misdreevus." So Justin relents uttering, "Alright, fine.... you can battle!" Crystal then jumps in to call out the surly Bulbasaur who doesn't reserve time for any of the crap that Misdreavus pulls.

"Ha.... let's see you poke-losers handle some water pressure!", laughs Jessie as Wobbuffet stands behind her. Jessie fires the water cannon which Bulbasaur avoids by using its own vine whip as a springboard over the water gush. Crystal then tells Bulbasaur to give them a spin so it uses its vine whip to spin the water cannon like WHEEL............ OF.............. FORTUNE!!!

Sorry........... just sorry about the game show plug.

The spinning cannon clocks Jessie in her model caliber face and spins her around until she's dizzy. James then tries to send out Victreebel to try and help out its teammates but then the obvious happens when it comes out and shouts, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHH!" James then tries to pull Victreebel off its head and right arm as he squeals like a horrified woman.

Jusitn then tries to tell Misdreavus to destroy the water cannon with a shadow ball but......... Misdreavus dissappeared! Where'd she go?? Into Justin's pants?? While that wouldn't be a bad guess, Justin then turns around so we see that Misdreavus is trying to snuggle against Justin's shoulder even though its a ghost type. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'll tell ya, this show...... but Misdreavus does in fact listen to her ultimate crush and generates a shadow ball that blows TR's water cannon to smithereens.

Bulbasaur then uses its razor leaf to break the special rope that was binding Sandshrew ad Pikachu to the sub. That brings us to a question that those two lovestruck pokemon would wonder about........... was that in fact..... a good thing? But in any event, the two pokemon run back towards Cris-tal as Crystal affirms that they aren't hurt with the two pokemon's joyful responses. "I think.... we're doing quite weee-eeeeeeeeehhhhl", mumbles a very dizzy Jessie as she's stumbling around before falling in front of Meowth, Wobbuffet, and James who's still struggling with Victreebel.

Just then, the Charizard Militia then recovers enough to surround TR as they're all snarling fire and led by THE Charizard. "Ooooh look..... all those pretty Charizrards we could steal", utters Jessie who's still disoriented while we still hear James making some weird noises in his plea to get Victreebel off of him. "Aaahhh... I don't tink dey're here ta be stoleeeeeeeen!", panics Meowth as all the Charizards burn TR with their flamethrowers as they all feel the heat and pain.

Pikachu then gets ready to shock the hell out of TR but Crystal then asks Sandshrew if it's ready to finish off TR and Sandshrew replies, "Shrew shrew!", in aggressive and sinister looking fashion leaving Pikachu just confused and a little empty that it didn't get to finish off TR again.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (Damn cute looking puppy!!! Stop defaming my beautiful murals of pickles and horse dung!!)

It's Smeargle!!................. "Schmeargle."

TR looks all crisp as Meowth PUN-ishes us by saying, "Now we're all fired up", while James additonally whines, "And burned out", and then proceeds to be attacked again by Victreebel. Once Crystal has Sandshrew use its earthquake attack, Sandshrew jumps and then touches the ground creating a crack that extends all the way to TR shaking them and the Magikarp sub until it explodes. TR then shoots towards the cloudy sky as Jessie then shouts, "We're gassing boff afaaaaaaiin!" "Dat ain't it!!!", shouts Meowth as he and James tell everyone what's really happening.

"We're blasting off agaaaaaaaaaiiiin!" "Wooooooobbb"

Back with the twerps and the Charizards, Cris-tal thanks them one more time for saving her pokemon not once...... but TWICE!!! She lucked out that Charizard was nearby today..... maybe that's why she got lazy about guarding her pokemon. Leeza then tells them that she had a fun time hanging out with them and wishes them all good luck in the Kanto League. This proves that she's also missing a couple marbles in her head since its only Crystal competing in the Kanto League while Misty and Justin are just coaching her (while she acts as their supplier).

Leeza then hands them a business card and tells them that if they have any dire emergency where they need them (or just Charizard) to bail them out and call her number so Charizard can solve their problem since its practically invincible nowadays. Crystal says that it's great and they all then say good-bye to Leeza, Charizard, and the rest of the militia. Leeza waves back as Charizard roars back at its old friends Pikachu and Bulbasaur and at his new friend Sandshrew. And so, we leave today as the threesome is still waving like morons as Leeza is riding Charla to lead the Charizard militia away for their next mission to raise hell and drink beer.

And if you wanna see Charizard raising some more hell, whoopin some more ass, and drinking some more beer, gimme a 'Hell yeah!'.......

I'll be waiting....