Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal Series

Ep.4

ROUND 4: SETTLING THE SCORE

We begin this episode with a shot outside a loud stadium where everyone seems to be cheering. And while Ash's match is almost ready to start inside the stadium... outside, the tail-obsessed Snubbull is walking around sniffing for her bitch Meowth. Snubbull gets a scent and starts to head inside of the stadium. Now, while security easily spotted and ejected Team Rocket ...they can't spot an invading Snubbull that just cruises right along by.

Now kids.. that's called discrimination

.......... or really, really bad drug abuse.

Meanwhile, in his locker room, Ash's opponent is getting ready and putting the final touches on his technique or some junk like that before his match against Ash Ketchum. His name is Brian Kwiatkowski and he is known far and wide as a beefer. "I certainly hope things go well again today... I can't afford to have things go any less than wonderful this deep into the tournament." he says.

"Well spoken! Too bad things are going to get a lot more rotten." yells a mysterious voice. After the beefer asks who could be the homo that peeping in on him, the homo whacks him over the head with a mallet and he passes out.

When he comes to, we see that Brian is bound and gagged inside a locker and we see a trio of lovable villians in great spirits. James is ecstatic and short of breath... most likely after getting it on with an unconscious guy. But according to them, their fun is not over yet....

"This is going to be da best scheme we ever schemed!" boasts a jubilant Meowth. Jessie agrees short of breath (James wasn't the only one that got lucky) adding, "That's right, Meowth! Because not only are we going to be famous but we'll finally get our revenge on that twerp for all of the times he's ruined our plans. Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Meanwhile, out in the stadium and unaware of the date raping that just took place is Ash Ketchum out with his pokemon ready. And up in the stands are the rest of the crew.

The rest minus Prof. Oak that is.... hmm. When Misty asks Mrs. Ketchum where Prof. Oak is, Mrs. Ketchum (who knows all about her secret lover) answers, "Oh, Prof. Oak went to see Gary's fourth round match. As much as he wanted to see Ash, Gary is still his grandson you know..." Misty gets everything, and I mean everything, she is saying.

On the field, the opponent comes out and is announced as Brian Kwiatkowski... But wait a minute.... Brian looks strangely tall with red hair and has a pretty deep voice for a beefer. Hmmm... this is a pretty attractive kid for a guy named Brian.

"I've come for a great battle today Ash you young twe....ah ah ah ah I mean you young rascal you", declares Jessie in a deep baritone voice she's using with the disguise. "Great, then bring it on... cuz you'll need a lot of spirit to get by me!", shouts a one-dimensional Ash.

Yeah, Jessie has got some spirit today but what she also has that Ash doesn't know about are James and Meowth hiding underneath the field rigging it the way Team Rocket always loves to cheat. "How do I know where to put these explosives?" asks a confused James. "Just keep setting up the traps will ya?" souts back Meowth. "Roger!" replies James. Then, in a moment that proves his homosexuality he starts daydreaming saying to himself, "Mmmmm Roger" a little bit more softly and slowly.

Up on the surface, the announcer goes over the rules and such stating that they will compete on a grass surface (with James and Meowth under the surface). Then, after two of either teams' pokemon are out, then the field will become a normal-type surface. The contestants proclaim they're ready and we're off with a unique tournament and grudge match.

In the stands, Brock plays the smart guy in the group which he usually is when there aren't any ladies around. He notices that there is something peculiar about Brian. Hmmmm.... perhaps it's a tempting piece of ass down there Brocko, no?

The battle begins and Ash calls out his cocaine addict pokemon, Noctowl. While a very feminine Jessie in disguise chooses her Arbok opting to go with her own pokemon. "An Arbok", notices Ash through some less than brilliant perception. "We've dealt with Arboks many times before, haven't we Pikachu?" asks Ash towards the electric yellow mouse and Pikachu pikas back in agreement. He's on to TR's scheme noticing Arbok from about 383 previous encounters with THE SAME FREAKIN' POKEMON.

Ash unfortunately, is not as bright and tries to order Noctowl to get away from Arbok's bite attack. It does by flying away and dive bombing Arbok. Brian (Jessie in disguise) tells Arbok to use bite again Noctowl tries to avoid it again but...... underneath the surface lurks James and Meowth ready with some kind of magnetic device which they operate when they are ordered to by Jessie wearing a hidden microphone.

The magnet keeps Noctowl close to the ground and Arbok bites it. Ash is in shock as Jessie tells Arbok to finish it with a wrap attack which it does and Noctowl passes out. But....it's probably because Noctowl smoked a little too much crack so it passed out easier. Jessie in disguise almost gets her voice out of hand as she does her laugh and taunts Ash saying, "One down.."

But up in the stands, Brock is left puzzled. For some reason, he suddenly decides to become a physics genius and and wonder why Noctowl couldn't fly regularly. Then he goes into an explanation when questioned by Tracey which is displayed via diagram.

He explains that when Noctowl take to the sky to attack or avoid a pokemon, they usually fly at an altitude of 40 ft. (And NO, I DON"T know what that is in meters???) But when Noctowl tried to avoid Arbok just now, it was only flying at 25 ft. which happens to be within Arbok's jumping range (Arbok's gots some serious ups man) and it wasn't flying in a normal straight line. This makes Brock think and then suggests maybe Noctowl wasn't ready for a battle.

"Ash better hope his next pokemon is ready", states his mom. And down on the field, Ash chooses Meganium (Chikorita's final evolved form) to use next. But Meganium is more interested in Ash than a battle. Since it's too big to hump his leg, it now just nuzzles against Ash and licks his cheek.

Man Ash is one lucky pimp.... not only Misty but also Meganium (yuk yuk yuk).

Meganium tries to use a body slam but it is slowed down by the ground mysteriously shifting. Ash idiotically asks to nobody in particular why the surface is shifting.

We find our answer below the surface where James and Meowth are laughing about this series of piston like machine they've set up in the ground to make the ground move. "This ground hydraulics device is sure to give that twoip a bumpy ride" PUN-ishes Meowth. James adds to the PUN-ishment by adding, "This is sure to cause a shift in the momentum... ahahahahahahaha."

"Arbok! Poison sting!" shouts Jessie. Meganium endures the hit still having trouble moving thanks to the antics of Meowth and James. Meganium slows down Arbok with sweet scent.. or to put it bluntly it shakes it ass to make Arbok check out what she's got going on. This gives Meganium the chance to hit it with a body slam. Jessie shouts at Arbok to bite it which Arbok is more than willing to take a bite out of sweet ho Meganium's fine ass.

But Meganium proves that she's no $2 ho. It charges up a solar beam and when Arbok is just about at her... Meganium leaps out of the way, Arbok crashes to the ground, and the Ash-obsessed pokemon fires the solar beam dead on target. Arbok is knocked out leaving Jessie less than pleased at her accomplices below the surface.

Then after we see Misty & co. applaud Meganium's effort, Ash does the unthinkable and insults our poor, sweet little Jessie.... "You know, uh, Brian..... your voice sounds like this big witch we always come across from Team Rocket." Oy oy oy Ash. Jessie boils then almost explodes, "How DARE YOU call mah...ahhhhhhhhhh haha.....what I meant to say was...that's not nice." "But this woman IS very mean." continues Ash. "Well now... that's more of a compliment." states Jessie. This props a sweatdrop from Ash and Pikachu.

"It's ok... it's ok." thinks Jessie to herself..... "I still have many other pokemon here" she adds. Wobbuffet pops out and sticks out of Jessie's shirt but still inside her disguise trench coat. "Get back in your pokeball!" yells Jessie calling it back. Ash sort of sees this but of course he's too much of a crack baby to put 2 and 2 together let alone make 2 + 2 equal to 4. "Ok... it's not like James and Meowth have let me down before..." she thinks to herself. Then she moans and says she hopes they don't screw up.

Underneath the ground, James and Meowth are still working on their contraptions making sure everything is working as planned. "All our gizmos are working wonderfully.", states James sounding as gay as ever, "And the best part is there's no Pikachu to thundershock these machines out of whack!"

No, there's no Pikachu around but there's another pokemon that snuck without paying looking for TR underground unfortunately. Snubbull is inside the stadium still sniffing for Meowth. Then it picks up a Meowth scent coming from the ground and it starts to dig for its long lost love.

Meanwhile with her first plan foiled by Meganium, Jessie decides on an alternative. Even though she doesn't know what Brian's pokemon are, she's going to use them anyway.

Pikachu, who is about twenty times smarter than Ash, has a seriously pissed off look on his face at Jessie because he knows that TR is up to no good. Ash on the other hand, is just waiting for another battle.... Jessie throws out her next pokeball and it happens to be a Jumpluff. Jessie describes it to James via secret microphone to ask what it is. "Oooooooh, that's a Jumpluff. I just love that little grass cutie!!" raves James.

Well there it is, folks. He's just officially reached a new level of queerness thanks to his raving over a girly type pokemon.

Ash continues with Meganium and orders it to try a body slam while Jessie is checking her pokemon book to see what attacks she has. But it is still having trouble moving cuz of TR ground shifting devices. Jumpluff jumps over the Meganium body slam attempt as Jessie gets her head out of the book to order Jumpluff to use double-edge which finds its mark.

It then stuns Meganium with stun spore and then uses giga drain to drain energy away from the opponent. "Ash is in trouble!" gapes a concerned Misty not wanting her main man to go down this early. But Ash stands bewildered like the dopey little boy that he is until his brain actually gives him an idea for probably the first time in weeks. "Meganium ....sleep powder!" he yells as Jumpluff is ready to attack again.

Jessie shouts in concern as the sleep powder works and Jumpluff falls asleep. This gives Meganium the chance to finish it off with a couple of razor leaf attacks to finish it off. The resident announcer/ref that seems to follow Ash & co. everywhere they go declares that Jumpluff is out and Meganium wins. Ash cheers and Meganium gives a stern "Megah!" warning to the Jumpluff ho that tried to have its way with her.

"Ash is doing great under very tough conditions", notes Tracey as if anyone cares about his opinions. And then intermission comes and the field surface is changed. This causes the ground to shake a bit... enough to make a searching Snubbull into a tail spin sending it further down underground. During the break, Brock and Misty come down to tell them about the unusual things they've been spotting on the surface that a crack baby like Ash could never notice.

"I don't have a good feeling about this", warns Brock. Togepi roars in agreement at Brock thinking that things will get real bad real soon. But all Brock can hear is "Toge-prii". Meanwhile, scolds her teammates through the microphone for not helping her. Meowth reassures her and says, "We've got dem land mines ready to detonate!" "You better.." warns Jessie.

The field is changed and the battle resumes. Jessie calls out her third pokemon which happens to be a Nidoking. Ash orders Meganium to attack with vine whip but the ground underneath Meganium explodes sending Meganium to fall over. And because of the earlier stun spore attack, it can't get back up. Jessie tells Nidoking to finish it off with an earthquake attack. "Meganium can't win!", shouts Brock. "But what caused that explosion?", asks Misty confused. Brock replies firmly that he doesn't know.

Ash calls Meganium back before Nidoking's attack finishes it off. Jessie laughs and says she can taste victory. So Ash has one other pokemon that he can use so he sends out a pokemon that'll still move around even after many explosions. But what pokemon is insane enough to do that? But our very beloved Totodile of course.

Happy to make his tournament debut, Totodile starts do dance around faster than ever. This does not amuse Jessie and she orders Nidoking to body slam it and it does. Totodile counters with a rage attack and then uses its slash to harm its uninsane opponent. Its continues the attack until another land mine goes off sending Totodile into a rut which it can't get out of.

As Ash yells for Totodile to hang on... TR underground is boasting about their success and then Meowth prepares to blast this super dirt machine to hurt Totodile at Jessie's command. But low and behold..... something comes upon Meowth, James, and all their contraptions. It happens to be Snubbull who's managed to dig its way into this place behind an unknowing James and Meowth.

Totodile still can't get out of the hole and Jessie orders Meowth to use the machine which she disguises to everyone as a mud-slap attack. But Snubbull sees Meowth fine tail and start to chomp away on it. Meowth screams in pain and starts running around the area with James after it.

When Jessie doesn't see anything happen she yells at them, "What are you waiting for?" unaware of the sexual assault that is going on underground. And all she hears are screams of pain and a squealing James. By this time, Totodile is out of the hole and laying the smacketh down on Nidoking. Ash shouts at it to use a water gun attack which blasts away Nidoking. Then Ash tells Totodile to finish it off with a bite attack. Totodile is more than willing to give the thing a hicky and it bites it right on the neck. The gay Nidoking is fixed after Totodile's hicky attack and passes out.

The ref announces Totodile the winner and gives the victory to Ash Ketchum as Brock, Misty, Mrs. Ketchum, and Tracey come down to congratulate him. This makes Jessie FUR-III-OUS and yells at them, "WHY COULDN'T YOU TWO F*CK UPS DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!" Then, she hears a noise as the ground rumbles below her. Then, the ground bursts sending her flying into the air with her disguise. And then she crashes down while the trench coat flies away and her hair shifts back to normal to reveal her true identity to Team Toyboy along with James, Meowth, Snubbull and some various equipment.

"Look! It's no pokemon trainer!" shouts Ash angrily as the crowd is stunned. "It's Team Rocket.... I should have known that THEY would be up to this!" adds Brock. Misty further notes, "And look at all these devices, they must have caused all of those weird happenings during the match."

Well done, another mystery "solved" (solved? more like blown...If he solved it, Brian might have survived the round) by Ash Ketchum, master detective.

TR start to argue over what went wrong sending Snubbull flying out of the stadium in the process. Man dey must be goin' at it mighty good in there. They continue to brawl until they notice Team Toyboy staring angrily at them. They act scared at first but then go into their motto.

"We're not done yet so prepare for trouble!"
"Winning's just half the battle so make it double."
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all people's within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight"
"Meowth that's right.....NOW HURRY UP AND ESCAPE WITH DOSE
POKEMOOOOOON!!!" shouts Meowth to which Jessie and James agree.

"Sorry twerp, we may have lost a stupid little match but we've already got what we came for." states Jessie as she presses the remote for their balloon. "Yes Jess", adds James, "We got our moment of fame and these dazzling new pokemon from your opponent." "And we're not lettin ya take dat away from us!" shouts Meowth.

But meddling Ash thinks he can't even let them have that. So he yells, "You're not getting away with anything today.... Pikachu get 'em!" And get 'em Pikachu does shocking them silly and knocking free the belt of pokeballs from Jessie's hand. Then Brock calls out Pineco and tells it to use its explosion on TR. It explodes and sends TR blasting off.

"At least we got our revenge on someone." snivels James. Yeah, he sure did alright.... he got his naked revenge on him. "But it still looks like........Team Rocket's blasting off again!!!"

Back at their rental cabin, unaware of the sexual abuse that TR did get away with, Tracey informs Ash that even if he lost, the "opponent" would have been disqualified for rigging the match with all those devices TR used. Man, the Johto league must be really f*cked-up if a kid gets assaulted, someone gets disqualified for him....then the league officials tell him that he's out of the competition anyway even though he couldn't do anything about. Its kind of like pro sports I guess.

Switching subjects now, Old Man Oak walks in the door after either going to Gary's match, or the local strip club to redeem his coupon for one free lap dance. Ash greets his father and asks him how Gary did. Prof. Oak responds that he won his match in fourth round, the round where he lost last year. He probably knew that by watching the pokemon report on TV where he went for his saki-saki.

"Man, Gary might be the one to beat." says numbskull Ash forgetting all about Richie and his Tyranitar which we'd all like to do. Misty cuts in saying, "What you should be worried about is your Sweet 16 match tomorrow.... if you win you'll be in the quarterfinals.."

"Sweet 16 match?" quips Ash.

..................

..................Oh man he's just too easy to make fun of...

Anyway, Misty continues, "Yeah Ash, you made the top 16 again this time. I'm so proud of you.", she says with lust in her eye. Ahhhhhhh Misty...."I'm proud of you, too", remarks Tracey with lust in his eye. Ugggggggghhhhhhhh Tracey. "We're all proud of you Ash.... you won your match under very tough conditions", says his mom.

............................

............................ OK!! Let's drop it right there before it goes from dodgy to downright sick!

Anyways, Ash starts to boast about his victory like an idiot knowing not he got a major assist from a horny Snubbull. And so, we close on another story with Ash & co. chattering and happily eating a huge meal made by Mrs. Ketchum who'll be screwed dirty by Old Man Oak. In other words, it's the usual ending.

But before we go, we see Snubbull still sniffing for its beloved Meowth tail down the abandoned streets of the town as it walks down the street under the nighttime skies.

To Be Continued