Justin's Identity Crisis

Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal Series

Part 1 of a 2 part special

Ep. 41

JUSTIN'S IDENTITY CRISIS

We catch up with the twerps wandering their way through Celadon City anticipating another gym battle and encounter. On the way there, Crystal is singing a happy and high tune similar to what the Grateful Dead might play. She sings, "Feelin pretty good for my match..... Out to win myself a badge..... La la la la la la la la.... La la la la laaa....." "Well, Crystal doesn't seem worried about facing a master of grass type pokemon.... one that'll know her grass type's every moves which means certain impending doom for anyone trying to face her with other grass pokemon", says Justin. "Let's just hope she's smarter than Ash and has a plan to deal with them", replies Misty back to him. Crystal tells them that she's feeling just fine cuz she knows that you can't be nervous going into a gym battle.

That and the fact that she must be incredibly stoned makes her one happy camper win or lose....

"Well, you better not be nervous Crystal... because we're almost at the gym", Misty tells her. Crystal replies sheepishly that she knows as they both blush which may kind of promote their shipping (for right now let's call it... Crystalshipping). Misty smiles at her and tells her to just make sure they remember the strategy she told them to use fire attacks against the grass types. Crystal replies that it's exactly what she has Cyndaquil for as she smirks back and throws its pokeball to herself over and over like a baseball. "Sanshrew shrew!", agrees Sandshrew as he walks side by side with Pikachu.

It seems as if our threesome is finally going to get to the Celadon City gym for the fourth badge (marking the halfway point of the journey and series). But a ravenous monster is about to approach them and if they aren't careful, it'll sidetrack them for a full two episodes! What is it? Togepi's return? Barbara Streisand? Madonna on Broadway? (Oh wait... that was a James distraction.) Godzilla? Well.... close, but the correct answer is a rich, preppy young elitist dude.

"Watch out, watch out, WATCH OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTT!!", shouts a guy that looks like my high school's (American) football quarterback as we witness him stumbling and running as he's trying to balance about a half dozen shopping bags or so. The threesome and Pikachu gasp as they see him charging right at them and then stumbling, spilling his bags in the process. "Whooooooaaaa!", goes Justin who catches two of the bags in each arm. Misty catches a couple of them as well getting them around the plastic bags' handles and Crystal catches her first bag that's flying at her.... but unfortunately she's so stoned that the second one crashes into her still flat chest sending her to the ground butt first as the bag lands on her chest. "Ooohh", utters the guy as he spots another smaller bag in the air falling towards the ground and panics that it's going to fall.

But alertly, Sandshrew and Pikachu leap up to get the bag of goodies which we can now identify are from a Target store. They both go up and Pikachu looks like it's going to get it but when it does get it, the force of the bag knocks it a little loopy. So Pikachu is falling along with the bag and who else would save it but Pikachu's own faithful lover Sandshrew. Crystal praises Sandshrew for rescuing Pikachu and the bag but never thanks Pikachu for its effort. We don't see Pikachu's reaction as it was probably too obscene for the WB or Cheez TV or TV3 or any of those loser stations. But after all the commotion the clumsy guy comments , "Phew.... that coulda been bad." "Yeah...", responds Justin.

 

<cue intro>

 

"Sorry 'bout all that", says the freckled guy as Misty tells him that it's alright probably wishing she could heal all his wounds....................................... yeah, with her tongue... dirty red-headed ho! Ahem......................... may I just say............ EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! The guy says that he's getting some supplies for their special training complex and with that, Crystal jumps all over him about this "training". "What kind of training complex is it? Because I could use some training before my Kanto League Gym Battle", wonders Crystal as she anticipates that it's either the obvious pokemon training...... or lesbian sexual training perhaps? or blunt rolling training??... in the latter case SHE would be the teacher. But the guy responds, "Ah... a Kanto League trainer, huh? You must be really into pokemon to be in that league... it's pretty advanced." Crystal confirms adding that she was about to go to the gym but if there's anything she can learn from his secret training locale, she'll be all game for learning it.

"I would like to help you strategize, but the type of pokemon and training we're involved in are more advanced than even the Kanto League", states Ryan. "More advanced?? What do you mean?", wonders Misty staring at the guy in a dodgy, arousing look. "Our facility is only concerned with Dragonites so unless you have a legendary Dragonite with you, we can't really be of any help", explains Ryan. So Cris-tal can't get involved in all of the poke-hype going on but.... but..... Justin can because.... hey.... he states that he has a Dragonite. Justin throws out the chubby scaly orange dragon pokemon as it comes out saying something garbled like, "Brrrruw!"

The guy comments that he has a pretty nice Dragonite there and asks him how he trains it. Now the answer to this that we know about is that he doesn't and he just calls it out as a last resort to Team Rocket's plots when everything else fails cuz its so fast and powerful beyond any of the other pokemon that the threesome has in their arsenal. But for the purpose of blinding the kids from the truth, the show makes Justin lie. He tells the guy, "Well... um... I try to give it a few flying and battling exercises and make sure that Dragonite eats well but Dragonite is so big, fast, and powerful that it's hard to train it adequately." "I know what you mean", sympathizes the dude, "perhaps you want to come down and see us and our training facility."

"That would be so cool!", exclaims Justin trying not to sound as girlishly as James and also thinking nothing about Crystal trying to make it to the Celadon City Gym. He then suddenly remembers that it's Crystal's journey so he turns to Crystal and says sheepishly, "... that is, if it's okay with you to wait a little bit longer for your gym battle." But it is okay with Crystal since she passive, pacifistic, and high making her carefree and wanting to make everyone satisfied in a non-whore kind of way. Well.............................. for the most part. The guy then tells them to come along and he then introduces himself as Ryan asking for a pardon for not doing so earlier. "I don't believe it.... a special training facility just for such a rare pokemon like Dragonite. I can't wait to see it!", shouts Misty with Pikachu saying a little happy add-on.

We then go from the threesome to another wild gathering.... a place called the Celadon City Zoo. Security Officer Jenny is providing protection for the zoo and welcoming everyone. Notice that we are continuing to see Officer Jenny in jobs less important and less looked up to than your typical police officer. Next thing you know, she'll be a mall cop or a campus security officer. But peering throughout the forest and hiding in the bushes on a hillside, there our heroes, TR be scouting out all the pokemon in the Celadon City Zoo, and with purpose, too!

"Look at all da rare pokemon dat are wanderin around 'ere", sights Meowth. "And they're all ours for the taking!', exclaims Jessie as she points out an ugly Girafarig grazing in one exhibit, a family of Azumarill in another, and a Persian resting in a third looking like it just got a fix from a male Persian. "That's all fine and dandy but explain to me why we're here looking like wild pokemon in this horrible shrubbery when we should be going after the twerps", demands James who then quips into some more gayness, "These plants on us are killing me..... I'd hate to have to wear something like this."

"We're here because we need to steal some more pokemon if we ever want to compete with those twerps!", retorts Jessie in fiery nature. "If we try tah take on da twoips ahselves widout no help, den dey have us badly outnumbered in pokemon almost tree tah one!", adds Meowth. But Jessie adds that if they steal some rare pokemon from the zoo, they can build up their pokemon and outnumber the twerps. Wobbuffet then decides to take this time to pop out and greet us all at home with a salute shouting, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUUHHFFET!". Startled, Jessie quickly hushes the patiently blue companion as James ahhh's but then asks her how they're going to get all the pokemon since all the security measures mean they can't be battled or put into pokeballs.

Jessie explains that she has gotten special pokeballs from the boss called Rocketballs that can catch pokemon even if they belong to another trainer or corporation already. "Ya see.... we're gettin technologically advanced here at Team Rocket!", adds Meowth. "Now that's something to be gleeful about", adds James.

Oh that James.... can he ever divert us from the plot with his gayness.....

Wobbuffet agrees with them but is quickly hushed down by Jessie who warns the patient one a second time. But before Jessie continues to explain their technologically advanced plan, she spots Officer Jenny approaching the walkway below them so they duck down behind the sticky, unfashionable bushes and Jessie talks about it secretly. We then see something rustling in the bushes observing a nice GAS of TR behind where they're convening ready to approach our unsuspecting heroes. Another zoo employee then approaches Officer Jenny below TR on the walkway and telling them that there have been reports of a wild Dunsparce on the loose around the zoo and if she sees it to detain it. Officer Jenny responds that, "If I see it, I'll bring it to the inner ward immediately", referring to some secret torture facility for especial pokemon no doubt, "I wouldn't want the poor thing to be trapped with some dangerous carnivorous pokemon."

Oh God...... we wouldn't want nature to take its natural course! Would we now, Officer Jenny??

"And with all these rare pokemon, all the little pre-teen twerps in the world couldn't stop all our evil scheme. EEEE-hee-hee-hee-hoo-hoo-HEEEEEEEEEEE!", laughs James and let's not get started on him again because I don't have all summer to rant about it. "Dis zoo will be TR's greatest haul. And we'll swipe 'em havin a ball........ or many balls!", PUN-ishes Meowth in a statement that could be interpreted as homoerotic with Wobbuffet saluting him from over his shoulder. Jessie then points out a pool of Dratinis down the path from where they're spying from.

She says that apparently, they were born from Dragonites who live in a hidden village somewhere in the city. "Dat must be one hidden village tah hide all dose rare pokemon", states Meowth. James adds on that it must also be a pokemon jackpot as the rustling starts up again and TR hears it this time. So they turn around and out of the bushes comes.........

comes...............

 

comes...............

 

comes...............

 

cums????................. GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA..

 

comes.............. a Dunsparce! Wait a second..... a Dunsparce just like what the zoologist was discussing with Officer Jenny. Why.... this may be the Dunsparce that one that Officer Jenny was on the lookout for, well shucks. Hmm.............. if Officer Jenny was looking for it... it must be big and thick just like what James would lik.... oh... sorry... nevermind. "What's this thing?", James pretends to ask as he looks closer and more analytically. You know....... for um..... scientific reasons..... yeah. "This is a Dunsparce if I remember correctly", replies Jessie as the snake-like thing crawls towards Jessie. "Eh?", reacts Jessie in surprise as Dunsparce looks up at Jessie as we see her pretty face through its eyes and Dunsparce................. blushes.

Well how about that...... even pokemon are attracted to Jessie's sexy dressing.

"I tink dis thing is drawn to you, Jess", says Meowth. "I tell you Jessie, you really are a Dunsparce magnet!", says James with a smile as I smile at the double entendre. "Go away.... the last thing I have time for are these stupid games", Jessie yells but as she crawls away [BACK, male (and lesbian) dodgers. BACK I SAY!], the Dunsparce seems unphased by the rejection and continues to follow her. "It seems like dis little tough guy don't quit", says an impressed Meowth. Jessie then becomes suggestive herself by quipping, "Oh great, now I have an crazy obsessed pokemon following my every move. What did I do to deserve this?" "Woooooooooooooooobbbuuuuuuhhh wooooooooobbb wooooooooooobbbuuuuuuuhhhffet", answers Wobbuffet saluting at Jessie who then mutters sullenly, "Oh right."

Ah man... the struggle that is being a knockout.

But finally, we get back to the twerps who are about to enter the secret Dragonite training facility of which the outside is being pointed out to them by Ryan........ it's a building shaped just like a Dragonite. And that must be extremely hard for greedy robbers like TR to miss. "Wow.... look at that building!", goes Justin as Misty and Crystal both look at it a somewhat of an awe. The Dragonite shaped structure gleams in the daytime sunlight as the threesome, Sandshrew, and Pikachu approach the entrance. They come up to the entrance and Ryan greets the bouncer at the door as the bouncer guy looks to confront the three outsiders. But Ryan tells him that it is okay and that they are his guests to view the place before the guy can say anything.

"Alright.... in that case, I'll need your Dragonite to step onto this platform for examination", explains the guy as Justin's Dragonite hops onto the platform for a security check to make sure it's not just looking like the guy's LSD acid trip. The bouncer runs all the tests with scanning and medical mumbo-jumbo and it works out so that Justin's Dragonite is totally valid and they get to pass. And so our threesome and their pokemon proceed inside led by Ryan. Ryan shows them the enormous, sparkling blue Dragonite pool first where a couple of Dragonites are having some fun and playing some water games. Ryan explains that its where the Dragonites can work on battling underwater and endurance.

"I'd love to have a pool like that to train all my water pokemon", quips Misty with a giggle though she is ignored as the guys continue their guy stuff with their Dragonites. On the next floor is a huge Dragonite battle arena which looks just like any other gym battle area except that the surface is bigger, covered with about 10 feet of dirt and sand, and the ceiling is very high up. Then, Ryan explains that it is where they hold their pokemon battles. "Saaa-shrew shreeewwww", utters Sandshrew in awe along with Pikachu while Crystal notes that, "Wouldn't it be something if we had a pokemon battle here", as the effects of her daily blunts seems to be finally starting to wear off.

The twerps continue to travel up the elevator to all the different floors of the building. Ryan shows them one floor that used as a freezer that trains Dragonites to deal with extreme cold and another floor that's like a tropical greenhouse for Dragonites to deal with heat and plant elements. "See that, Dragonite? It takes a lot of discipline to master conditions like those", Justin points out to his scaly player. And speaking of players, that's when Misdreavus pops out to surprise Justin with a lovestruck, "Mis-dreevus", welcome embarrassing Justin in front of his male counterpart (dodgy double meanings aside). "Which is exactly the opposite type of discipline that Misdreavus has", adds Justin stonefaced as he holds his pokeball over his shoulder returning Misdreavus for now.

Ryan then stops the elevator on the roof which shows to be open (well, the back part of the Dragonite structure's head so to speak) where he explains that Dragonites fly through the sky and it's also used as a takeoff point for Dragonites flying to other parts of the world. The threesome wows as Misty gasps, "No wonder these trainers and Dragonites are the best of the best."

Ryan then smiles at Misty's intelligence (oh and how he would have frowned at Ash's if he were around) and says, "That's right.... to be a member of this Dragonite facility, you have to be a Dragonite trainer and be well accomplished. Many of trainers come here engage in Dragonite battling regularly. Thus, there are many impromptu battles everyday." "Do you think we can see one, maybe?", wonders Crystal with Pikachu and Sandshrew standing in front of both her legs. Ryan responds that these battles usually come up in the spur of the moment and that they'd have to find two Dragonite trainers that were willing to battle each other.

This coming even though there are supposedly several everyday and that Ryan must have a Dragonite..... and he looks pretty game for a battle with someone. But wait till you see what this turns into....

"Well.... Dragonite and I are ready to battle if no one else is around to, aren't you ready, Dragonite?", asks Justin volunteering. "Borrrrrrrrrruuuuwww!", roars Dragonite in that weird sounding baritone catch cry. But is Ryan ready for battle? Well it seems that he has to tell Justin, "Oh sorry, I'm afraid you can't battle here. This is a battle area for the most accomplished of Dragonite trainers." "Huh? What do you mean?", asks Justin looking bewildered and annoyed. And then, the true character of this facility comes out with Ryan saying, "Only really GOOD Dragonites get to battle here."

Yep...... that's what it comes down to again. Another elitist facility in this elitist city of trendsetting fashions and make-up throwin da disses..... yet still not as loathefully elitist as L. A. in its elitism though so it could get worse. (And while I have a chance...... die Lakers die!!!)

But getting back to the plot, Mark's elitism makes Justin flash red in anger (and low-budget animation) as he begins to growl. "Uhh ohhhhhhhh", utter Crystal and Misty simultaneously as Pikachu adds desperately, "Piiiiikkaaahhhchhuuu", as they witness the tension in the air. "That's right...... and my Dragonite is really good. So let's battle", demands Justin in a calm yet unstable, insane voice. "I... I don't mean it like that..... it's for your own Dragonite's protection", answers Ryan trying to recover not wanting to make a doormat out of this crazy person's Dragonite. Crystal desperately tries to talk Justin out of it by saying that it's alright and that he doesn't have to battle at some Dragonite academy to prove that he's a great trainer. But unfortunately for her...... Justin is GONE. Justin is beyond GONE.

"Oh no, Crystal...... I don't think you understand", states Justin as he stares at Ryan gritting his teeth, squeezing his fingers together and barely chuckling every couple seconds...... just like your neighborhood schoolmate invalid. "I'm training Dragonite to be the best pokemon it could ever be. And when I'm shut out from some fancy, schmancy academy, I don't take it lightly. But most importantly (as he regains some form of determination and normalcy), it's one thing to disrespect ME but it's a BAD mistake to disrespect my pokemon and I will not leave until they avenge their dissers. So I say to you fellow Dragonite trainer, let's battle........... NOW!", he demands as his face gets big and fiery scaring Misty, Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu.

"I guess for him to say that was a big no-no...", utters Crystal with Pikachu below her still with a nervous sweatdrop. After a dramatic pause and a staredown between an angry Justin and a serious looking Ryan, he declares back to Justin, "Fine, you leave me with no choice." He then grunts at Justin as he whips out a pokeball making him look like a pro and he adds strongly, "But you may regret your decision!". "Ummm.... do you mean Ryan or Justin?", wonders a nervous Misty answering Crystal. "I'm not going to back down and neither will Dragonite!", warns Justin as Dragonite stares Ryan down as well. "Well no matter who's in trouble, this one may get really ugly", states Crystal as Sandshrew can barely breathe due to the thick tension.

Well let's cut that tension with a razor edge and a Ginsu knife because here comes commercial to give you a chance to breathe.

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon is the center focus in the Yumshipping debate.)

It's Victreebel!!! .......................................... "(super high pitched) Aaaaaaaaahh!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!"

 

Sundown has come as Justin and Ryan square off on the second floor dirt battle arena. Justin and his Dragonite stare down Ryan as he announces that this will be a one-on-one Dragonite battle to the finish with no time limit and then asks him if he's ready with his pink shaded freak. "Readier than you!", boldly proclaims Justin as Ryan then throws out his Dragonite which looks bigger but also fatter and uglier. "That's a pretty big and well trained Dragonite", fears Misty. "Oh yeah.... well it's not the size of the Dragonite in the fight but the fight in the Dragonite that counts.... and we're ready to fight!", replies Justin who if a baseball brawl were to occur, he'd be out in the middle of the scuffle. They continue to look scornfully at each other as the sky turns pink.

And so.......... the showdown begins....................

 

.........................

 

.........................

 

.........................

 

......................... right after we check in with Team Rocket! "Okay... it's 8 o'clock and the zoo is closing. Pretty soon we're going to make our move", says James watching the gate close through his binoculars. "And wit all dem customuhs outta da way, we'll have no problem swiping all dese rare pokemon wit our special pokeballs", says Meowth explaining their plan to the viewers at home. The zoo then officially closes as security Officer Jenny retreats to her security shack to be lazy and watch NBC's prime time shows while feasting on Krispy Kreme donuts.

"Okay.... the path is all clear. Jessie, are you ready with the rocket balls?", wonders James. Oh dear lord, what did he just say?????!! But James and Meowth don't see Jessie with them in their little bush and they wonder what happened to her. "Jessie?", wonders James curiously as Meowth huh's. "I'm over here!", whispers Jessie nervously as she's backed against a corner gate for a pokemon exhibit and a cement drainage wall. James and Meowth look at her in curiosity as Jessie utters, "Our equipment is ready, but I'm not! This stupid thing is following me everywhere I go." And as Jessie and the camera look down, we can see the same loose Dunsparce looking up at Jessie with a bird's eye view of what's between her short skirt (PERVERT!!!).

"I guess dat Dunsparce is really gonna be on ya trail", shouts Meowth who may have meant 'on her tail'. "It's on you quite nicely", remarks James who'd be rich if he had a nickel for every time TR said that. Meowth tells her to just hurry up and bring all the rocketballs <giggle> so they can start their scheme. But Jessie loudly replies, "Why don't YOU carry them?!! I already have enough trouble with this...... this.... thing.... following me everywhere I go!" "Shhh.... you'll attract da security guard!!", warns Meowth, "now let's go!"

So TR jumps out to initiate their plan leaving Dunsparce alone as it goes, "Dunsparce?", wondering where that hot mama Jessie went off to. So it just calls out again and just slithers away to some unknown part of the zoo. For the rest of TR's struggles, we'll get back to them later. But for now, let's get on with the showdown at hand with the two Dragonites battling each other.

"We're ready to go..... make your move!", instructs Ryan. So Justin informs Dragonite to take to the air and fly. Dragonite flies up high into the rafters as Ryan tells his Dragonite to initiate its air defense strategy. Justin tells his Dragonite to use a leer attack and Justin's Dragonite begins to stare at Dragonite as its eyes turn yellow while Ryan's elitist Dragonite stares back at those weird looking goggles. Ryan then informs his Dragonite to take off and use a wing attack so the elite one zips right off the ground and tags Justin's Dragonite reaching it in a split second shocking the entire threesome. "Did you see that?!", yells Misty with Sandshrew and Pikachu dropping their jaws. "I most certainly did!", replies Crystal who just witnessed a faster attack than in any of her prior hallucinations.

Justin's disco queen (his Dragonite's female in case you didn't know) falls towards the ground and Justin tells her to regroup and to fly back up and get the other Dragonite. So the disco queen zips back up towards the ceiling but she narrowly misses him as Ryan yells at his Dragonite to use a flying body slam attack. So they both miss a few times as we see them zip around in the air until Ryan's Dragonite hits Justin's Dragonite with a water gun after waiting for the disco dragon queen to try and make its move to avoid the water gun. The attack soaks Justin's Dragonite sending it down to the ground.

"You're about to see what separates us from the regular pokemon trainer", teases Ryan. "Yeah yeah.... I know what I'm doing too, no matter what distractions may be ahead of me!", shouts Justin. "Mis-dree", echoes Misdreavus over Justin's shoulder as he doesn't seem to be distracted even by the horny ghost type as he grits his teeth in anger at Ryan.

Then Ryan shows no mercy and makes Dragonite slam into ground. "Slam into the ground?", wonders Crystal as they all see the elitist king Dragonite zoom towards the floor. The impact stirs up a cloud of dust that engulfs the disco queen Dragonite next to it. "I can't see Dragonite!", yells Justin as Misty deduces that it's why the male Dragonite hit the ground. It was so it could create a natural smokescreen to confuse Dragonite. So with his Dragonite in a 'natural smokescreen', Justin has it use a blizzard attack to blow away the smoke. The female Dragonite clears it away with an ice cold breeze scattering dirt and sand throughout the battle surface. But the male Dragonite rises up and spots the other Dragonite through the dust and dirt. So Ryan has it use a water gun which hits Justin's Dragonite despite Justin's pleas to move.

"Ryan is really good", fears Misty concerned for Justin as Sandshrew quivers, "Shreewww." Misdreavus has moved into the stands next to Misty now and is watching its boyfriend nervously as she checks him out making his moves. "Why do you think Misdreavus is out here to watch Justin battle?", asks Crystal anxiously. "Ummm.... if you haven't noticed, I think Misdreavus is fixated on him", Misty tells her warily. "You don't mean THAT kind of fixated on him, do you?", replies Crystal with a disturbed look on her face pondering the thought of a ghost pokemon stalking a human.

"Well now.... we're just going to have to get REALLY serious now, aren't we?", says Justin determined to go to war and bring back Ryan's head and dammit.... let's hope he does just because he's so damn arrogant. He calls for his Dragonite to slow the other one down with its thunder wave and to fill the entire gym so that Ryan's Dragonite can't escape. Ryan sees the attack coming and has his Dragonite quickly use the same move to neutralize the effect. So the whole gym fills up with electric energy as Crystal helpless tries to plead, "Don't shock us, though!" Both Dragonites have trouble moving after being nailed with each other's attacks.

"This match has come to a standstill!", proclaims Ryan with Justin responding, "Yeah.... but your Dragonite can't use its speed to avoid any attacks now." Justin then yells for Dragonite to use her blizzard attack which the opponent barely avoids after struggling to move out of thunder wave paralysis. Justin is astonished that his opponent avoided serious damage as then, Ryan then orders for him to use an iron tail attack as the male Dragonite gets ready to turn its ankle and flick its tail to whap Justin's biggest weapon. But Justin foresees this and tells his Dragonite to block his tail which she does and then it goes to use its slam attack with Justin warning it not to let go this time.

The female Dragonite prepares to slam its equally orange counterpart down to the surface until Ryan has it use a thunderbolt attack which zaps Justin's Dragonite to the ground. "Dragonite.... please get up and keep fighting just a little bit longer", pleads Justin. And after struggling for many seconds panting on one knee to the concern of Crystal and Misty, Justin's significantly less ugly than average yet more cooky than average Dragonite sucks up the pain and returns to its feet.

But then Ryan's Dragonite has disappeared as Justin notices. He then also notices a big hole which the male Dragonite obviously dug into though no one was giving enough of a sh*t about the fatass to pay attention away from Justin's poor struggling protagonist Dragonite. "And now it's going to be the final nail in the coffin for this match", bitches Ryan as Justin hurriedly has Dragonite zip up off the ground to get away. Ryan warns him that it won't help her escape but Justin responds to him, "It doesn't have to..... it's helping her win."

Justin and his Dragonite see the ground to their left slowly moving as it appears that the opponent is going to burst out of the ground there. But Justin then sees the ground slightly shift directly below Dragonite so he knows that somethin ain't right in da hood. He picks up what's going on and warns that the other Dragonite is coming from below so he orders disco queen to quickly fire a hyper beam straight down at the ground. It charges up.... and when Ryan's pokemon surges out of the ground, Justin's pokemon fires and Ryan frantically tells his Dragonite that it's a hyper beam ambush telling him to protect himself. And as the home gym Dragonite races up towards Justin's disco Dragonite with a blazing hyper beam, we witness a bright explosion with chunks of rock falling to the ground like in the film Armageddon.

And the aftermath of the collision shows Ryan's Dragonite landing to the ground on its heavy feet, Justin's Dragonite crashes to the ground like a defunct UFO with no signs of recovery. The female Dragonite then tries to recover to its feet though she looks unsteady and ready to crumble into million-billion pieces. This shocks the entire threesome and Sandshrew and Pikachu watching as we all get to see each of their reactions. But................................ how?? The two Dragonites look emotionally determined at each other until Ryan calls for his pokemon to deliver the coup de gras and disintegrate Justin's Dragonite with its own hyper beam.

The male Dragonite slowly charges up as Justin watches on in horror until he can take it no longer. And so, with the two measly brain cells he has left after strategizing for this match, he rushes out onto the battle field and stands in front an eight foot legendary dragon that's ready to fire the most powerful attack in Pokemon today. He protects his own Dragonite and tries to stop the match and keep them from getting blown to smithereens.

.................. and this isn't even Ash Ketchum we're talking about here. Perhaps, Justin and Ash really are brothers..... oh the possibilities this presents.

................. Uh..... ummm uh huh..... not that they're true of course.

Ryan looks at this idiot with the utmost pity and calls for his Dragonite to hold up just in time............ whew, almost had one less person in the protagonist group. "It's okay, Dragonite..... you were fantastic", Justin tells his beaten companion with welts and bruises all over her while he keeps close. "I didn't mean to insult you or your pokemon..... I just wanted to show you what our competition is like", says Ryan trying to make up for being so snobby. "That's some really high-level competition", states Crystal holding Sandshrew.

Justin stands there in front of his Dragonite totally bewildered about just how his Dragonite's hyper beam didn't work as he then recovers to say, "Who exactly are you? You can't just be a regular Dragonite trainer...... you're too skilled!" "You're right.... I do have a reputation to precede me. You did well Dragonite..... take a break!", answers Ryan calling back his big orange thing. But before we hear exactly how good this guy was in his amateur training days, we have to see how TR does with its nighttime scheme.

Because TR is that popular......... and that important.

"Oh-kay..... so which should we start wid foist? Da Eevee Eve? Feraligatah Falls? Kangaskhan Kliffs?", asks Meowth. "Quiet Meowth, we'll get to everything..... but I'm gonna start with what's nearest to us, first!", says Jessie. "And that would be...... ha haaaa... this cuddly wuddly family of Wigglytuffs and their baby Igglybuffs", blushes Jessie. "Isn't that so precious?? They'd look like just an adorable team when we present them to the boss", James remarks going ga-ga over the cuteness of the baby Igglybuffs. But TR is also not looking as the same Dunsparce who was checking out all of Jessie's features from before, wanders into the Wigglytuff family exhibit under the bushes to look at more of Jessie as well as the Wigglytuffs and Igglybuffs.

"En all dese captchas may lead us tah somethin special", boasts Meowth as James asks him what he might mean. "I've been earin' from da locals at da zoo da somewhere nearby, dere's a secret society of Draginites where dey train en hang out!", explains Meowth. "A Dragonite gym? That sounds interesting to me", says a very interested Jessie, "Tell me more." "En I undahstand dat it leads tah dere colony in sky where many Dragonites live in privacy.... if we captcha enough pokemon here, maybe we can invade dis place in da skies above Celadon City en get ourselves a few Dragonites tah present tah da boss", explains Meowth. "If we get him a collection of legendary Dragonites, we'll be able to live comfortably for a very long time! Eeeeeeeeeeee", eee's James.

Give me a moment to giggle....

"Then let's waste no time and start rounding up these zoo pokemon!", declares Jessie clenching her fist for the camera. She then tosses out the first Rocketball which is really just an ordinary looking pokeball with an 'R' on it shouting, "Rocketball, GO!!!", and then giggling, "Mm hm hm hmmm...... I sound like a twerpy trainer!" But as the first Rocketball heads for the Wigglytuff family, the loose Dunsparce jumps up detecting something soaring through the air perhaps trying to eat it for dinner. So when it looks up to observe what's coming, it uses its basic lightning fast pokemon instincts to............. oh wait.... as soon as it turns its head to see the TR pokeball coming, Dunsparce smiles and waves its little flippers out as the rocketball hits it engulfing it into the red and white ball. The capture though, just looks like any other pokemon capture we all have seen throughout the years..... no special effects or evil color changes or any junk like that.

Well.... good thing there wasn't a hungry Pidgeot after it instead....

"Huh... what happened? What did I just catch?", wonders Jessie. "I tink it was dat Dunsparce dat was wit us before", says Meowth. "Well it looks like it's with us again", quips James. "But I didn't want that stupid landlubber.... I wanted those Wigglytuffs!", shouts Jessie who then sighs, "I already have one slithering pokemon, I didn't want a second." "Well then can I have it?", wonders James. "NO!!! You already caught an extra pokemon! This one belongs to me... besides, we have plenty of other pokemon to trap into these stylish pokeballs", states Jessie wielding her power over the heroic trio.

She continues that for instance, there are the rest of the pokemon in this exhibit for them to capture. "Ohhh.... I can capture these little Igglybuffs here since you caught the first one, right?", pleads James looking adorably at the little pink pokebabies. "No way", delegates Jessie again, "I'm gonna catch them.... because they're so cute, that they deserve an equally cute captor like me." You can all debate on how much cuter Jessie is than an Igglybuff on your own time... since the downward global economy means that your position at your job is currently being laid off as we speak. Thus, you have plenty of time.

James doesn't give up on his effort to capture the cuddly little creatures himself whining that she already went first. Jessie shouts back that it didn't count since it wasn't an animal that belonged to the zoo. "Now then...", resumes Jessie, "Let's get ourselves our own zoo... starting with that Igglybuff! Rocketball GO!!!" The rocketball zooms towards Igglybuff who's too young or crappy to have any natural instincts as the little thing smiles curiously. However, mommy Wigglytuff sees the projectile coming at her precious dear that no one could give a crap about so she fires a water gun that deflects away from the Igglybuff and it's just our heroes the rocketball ends up slamming into the burglar alarm for the cage as we see Jessie's dismay.

The alarm goes off and flashes in the Wigglytuff exhibit as a siren also blares. "Aah-aaaaaah?!", gasps Jessie. Meowth then states nervously that this wasn't supposed to happen. James then tells the both of them that they have to hurry but then they hear a voice yelling at them, "Stop right there, you thieves!" It turns out to be Security Officer Jenny running out of the night obviously pissed that the siren interrupted her from watching Friends. "We gotta get outta heeeeeere!", panics Meowth as they all run away from Officer Jenny.

Jenny yells for them to come back instead of threatening the constant con-artists with the gun she's carrying. But once she gets to a crossroads on the walking path in between all the exhibits, she looks into the night and finds that her pursuees have disappeared. She notes that and claims that they couldn't have stayed in the zoo since they reached the end of the zoo. So she turns around and wonder aloud to herself, "Now where did those people go....", as she looks around the zoo areas that she can see in the light.

But what she doesn't see is TR's happy buddha-faced Meowth balloon rising up into the night sky RIGHT BEHIND HER FREAKING HEAD! And furthermore, in all her searching for the intruders...... SHE NEVER LOOKS UP AND SEES THE BALLOON. So with TR making their getaway, does Security Officer Jenny make an attempt to contact her outside sisters in the real police department to try and track down these burglars just in case they did in fact steal any of the rare pokemon in the zoo? Maybe......................... maybe.............................. maybe.................

............................ MAYBE

............................ MAYBE!!!

......... Nope, too lazy. She just sighs concluding that they must've escaped even though she has no evidence (which she doesn't bother to collect anyway) and then decides to go check on the Wigglytuffs and make sure they are alright. So once again..... TR expertly avoids jail. Not to mention not getting blasted off today...... at least not yet.

Back with the twerps in the training office, Justin is still puzzled about what Ryan's Dragonite did to avoid certain doom from an accurate hyper beam. "You were in the Johto League, weren't you?", asks Ryan and Justin confirms his suspicion. Ryan then says that it explains why he got so much out of his Dragonite. Justin then asks the trainer how his Dragonite is doing as we see the trainer caring for it on an oversized dragon bed. "It's in bad shape..... it's gonna have to rest here for awhile", responds the short trainer who looks like a white Gary Coleman.

"I ask for everything out all my pokemon and I do just as much for them", says Justin with Misty looking on in agreeance behind him. "That's good. And as you and your pokemon continue to grow, your pokemon are more highly trained when matches come down to more than pitting moves and types against each other", explains Ryan trying to be Socrates. "That makes sense", answers Crystal who's playing the role of Plato (only the opium from back then are more evolved and artificially enhanced now). "That makes them more likely to trust and obey us at every turn", adds Justin as Misdreavus pops out of her pokeball yet again proving that there's no gettin her tired.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huh........ in normal circumstances", laughs Justin quietly as Misdreavus looks lustfully at Justin again. "Anyway, in a couple of years with good training You should have the training instinct that it takes to be a worthy Dragonite gym member, if you come back again. You'll probably have the credentials to be a full-fledged member. I should know being a fellow Johto Leaguer", says Ryan. "You were in the Johto Leagues, too? You must've did pretty well if you're here now", replies Misty. "I was the winner back in 1995.... I'm surprised you didn't realize that", talking to Justin about a year when pokemon didn't even exist yet outside the crazy imagination of Satoshi Tajiri.

"1995?", ponders Justin, "Of course.... when you and your Dragonite beat that Magneton that never lost to a pokemon other than a fire or ground type." "Yes, that's me!", smiles Ryan easily taking credit hopefully bringing himself one step closer to an underaged girl being that he's already bling-blinged his money and fame. He explains that there are plenty of other pokemon league champions that have become members at the gym. He throws open the door to the hall of past champions where the twerps see a picture of a young Andy Griffith whom Ryan explains is a guy named Larry who won the Indigo League in 1983 and 1984. And then, Ryan shows them a photo of an obese Dragonite with a young long brunette named Regina who was a three time Johto League winner and a Kanto League champion back in the late 80's/early 90's.

And with these members one has to be thinking.......... man.... do any of our protagonists ever try their hands at each league more than once?!

Crystal takes the most interest in Regina since she's the most similar to her. In other words, she's the only female Ryan mentions here! Finally, Ryan tells them about the founder and most accomplished trainer that belongs to the Dragonite Gym. Who it be??? Why the most famous Dragonite owner.............. Lance!!..... of course! "I should have known that Lance would be a part of this facility", states Misty who by now has come across the Dragonite master in previous episodes. "Hey.... one day if you work hard and capture a Dragonite, you two may be lucky enough to join us here, too", says Ryan turning on the charm. "Well.... that would be great!", Crystal replies laughing at how the guy is acting like a young suburban punk.

After Ryan finishes his tour of champions (aka: people that are better than the threesome), the trainer tells Ryan that there's a phone call for him and that it's an emergency. So Ryan immediately takes the phone and speaks to the guy, "Hello?......... yes......... what's wrong?......... really?......... menacing in the sky?..... I'm right on it!" Ryan then hangs up and yells, "DAMN" OH WAIT.... this is supposed to be a kids show that fails to hide anything dodgy miserably! So let's try again....

Ryan then hangs up and yells, "Ay ve!", which reveals to the world that he's probably Jewish as the trainer wonders what the problem is. Ryan responds aloud that something is going wrong in the secret Dragonite community in the sky. Unfortunately, he says that aloud with the threesome behind him and apparently.... they weren't supposed to hear about it.

Hmmmmmmmmm................... UH OH. This may be the end of Ryan belonging to the formerly secret Dragonite group..... heh!

"A community of Dragonites?", figures Crystal as Pikachu and Sandshrew looked on puzzled at Ryan while figuring that Crystal going into a hallucination again. ".... in the sky?", finishes Misty. Ryan grits his teeth catching himself giving away the secret place where most of the rare Dragonites are and then admits it to the threesome. When Justin asks what's wrong with it, Ryan opens up and trusts the companions he has known for about a couple of hours which means they basically still classify as strangers. He tells them that the Dragonites in their secret sky community have been acting very nervously about some weird sighting in the night skies. He adds that it was Lance on the phone and that he asked him to go up to the Dragonite habitat and see if he can find out what's really happening.

"Well.... if it may help and not get in the way, then we'd like to come with you to this place and assist you", figures Misty who doesn't feel like leaving her scrumptious piece of eye candy yet. Fortunately for her, Ryan decides that he may need some assistance so he'll guide them up to the super secret Dragonite realm even though they're not even regular members. "Alright..... this should be great!", rejoices Cris-tal as she'll get a chance to be tripping high in the clouds while actually being in the clouds. Pikachu and Sandshrew also shout out happily also wanting to get that same opportunity. "We'll wait until your Dragonite heals from its injuries, but we have to get moving soon.... We don't want to waste time with a possible emergency", tells Ryan as Crystal obeys and says they understand. "Everybody, come on", says Justin in high anticipation of this as Sandshrew adds, "San-shrew", scampering alongside him.

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (You can't debates over the gender of these poisonous bitches.)

It's Female Nidoran....................................... "Nido-ni!"

 

"Hey..... uh Ryan?", asks Justin before they begin to leave. "Yes? What is it?", wonders Ryan who seems annoyed by this apprentice. Justin asks him that before they go he tell them how his Dragonite escaped unharmed from his own retro Dragonite's hyper beam which was DEAD ON TARGET FROM POINT BLANK RANGE! "I just can't figure it out..... just a blast of sand and rocks", adds Justin. "Well the rocks should've been your first clue", says Ryan didactically while Justin replays the battle in his mind. "Doesn't that mean when your Dragonite came up, it was still shielded by the ground?", guesses Justin.

"Yes.... now you're getting it", says Ryan approvingly. "But how can a mere patch of ground stop a massive hyper beam attack?", wonders Crystal. "Well, it wasn't just dirt and sand. My Dragonite was carrying a boulder when it burst out of the ground", explains Ryan as we see a slow-mo flashback of his Dragonite shielding himself with the huge rock, "We use it as a shield because all pokemon are vulnerable to attacks when they're just coming out of the ground and there's a pokemon ready for its attack." "Now that's expertise!", caps Misty as Pikachu sighs, "Pika-piiika", alongside her.

"Knowledge that will serve well in the future..... now let's get ready to go!", finishes Cris-tal as we conclude with them bracing for what will be a surreal pokemon experience that twerps like them are regularly entitled to. I mean.... what are the odds that your everyday normal losers will come across multiple legendary pokemon which don't exist in public and it leads to the boy or girl having to save the entire freakin' world. I guess it only happens to the stupid and/or cracked out.....

Speaking of cracked out, that's how TR feels as they are ascending towards nowhere in their Happy Buddha-faced Meowth Balloon which is basically what they've been doing since the very first episode. "Well.... we're stuck in midair again. Ain't dat just what WE desoive", groans Meowth. "Well if we're lucky, we may be heading straight for that magical Dragonite village in the sky", hopes James. "Wooooooooooobbbuuuuuuuhhffet!", adds Wobbuffet saluting with the utmost cheer. "And if we reach them, we can attack with our gathering of new pokemon!", beams Jessie. "Whaterya talkin' uhbout? All ya caught was dat stupid Dunsparce, which weren't even in da zoo tah bagin wit'", snaps back Meowth as Wobbuffet agrees, "Woooooooooobbbuuuuuhh."

"Oh that's right", frowns Jessie getting grumpy again sagging her head back to her palm. "Uhhh-uhhhhh-uuhhhhmm.... if we come across a bunch of Dragonites and all we have to take it on is that Dunsparce??", worries James not taking into consideration their other pokemon. ".... deeeenn let's hope we don't come across any secret villages", finishes Meowth as their balloon helpless floats up and up, higher and higher. "Woooooooooobb", agrees Wobbuffet cautiously just to agree as we then hear some nervous laughter/sobbing from our other three heroes.

Boy are they some expeditious trekkers....

To Be Continued