Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 43

Now that our twerps got to encounter another group of rare pokemon and get Justin's Dragonites some cheap hook-ups for weeks to come, it's now time for the twerps to enter the Celadon City Gym. Crystal is singing that same cheesy song from before they ran into that preppy kid that started the whole Dragonite mess. And no.... I don't care what his name is. "You ready for Celadon City and your fourth Kanto League gym badge, Crystal?", asks Misty excitedly...... read into that what you will. "Yes..... and I say there ain't nothin stoppin' us now, ain't that right, Sandshrew?", Crystal asks her rodenty friend.

"Sanshrew", replies Sandshrew in indiscriminate happiness. "Well you'd better be well focused today. The gym leader's grass types are incredibly talented", warns Misty. "Yeah..... you'd better have Cyndaquil and Noctowl ready to go", requests Justin. And what follows is a scene of drug abuse gone horribly wrong for both Cris-tal (the obvious) and Pikachu (not so obvious). "Don't worry...... I'm so ready, I can go right through this door without any second thoughts", she says to set up the punchline. So she grabs the handle as if to pull the door open only it won't open.

"Uggh.... I guess this door is either stuck or locked. I can't pull it open", complains Crystal as Pikachu stands beneath her trying to pry it open between the hinges. So Crystal pulls away at it for a couple more seconds until she stops to catch her breath. And that's when Justin tells her, "Uuhhhh..... maybe you should try pushing these doors." We then see Justin to the side of her and Pikachu pushing open the door to the right of her. He is followed in by Misty, Sandshrew, and then the two wisecrackheads.

"Well... despite that embarrassing faux pas, at least part of my brain is focused on pokemon", utters Cris-tal who can at least recover from idiocy with intelligent statements unlike the many huh's, uhhhh's, and waaahh's of Ash. Once inside, Misty and Crystal stop to stare at the surroundings of the place leaving Pikachu and Sandshrew puzzled. "Oh.... my.... God. What have we just walked into?", wonders Justin aloud who ends up staring as well.

So what could our threesome be halted by inside perfume mogul Erika's gym........ another legendary pokemon? Yeah right..... this reaction is beyond that. What they see is a beautiful open meadow of plants, trees, a couple of supermodel caliber women............ and at least a half dozen gigantic posters of beefed up muscle hunks. Some of them are just guys in formal attire but...... BUT.... others have models in skimpy clothing while one of them has a guy in only his underwear!!!!!

Come on now..... the rest of the twerps had to grow up and see the truth eventually.

<cue intro>

No wonder Crystal and Misty are staring....... in unison, in desire, and in good ol' dodgy lust. And it even has Justin's attention which may no doubt open up some suspicions in some shipping minds. "Look at this place", sighs Misty in awe, "Everything's beautiful..... I just can't take my eyes off this place." "Yeah... the garden itself isn't bad either", says Cris-tal softly. "And look at all the Chikoritas wandering around", notices Crystal as the garden also has its own set of the glamour hos walking about. They walk around for a little bit longer at the trashy mall version of a garden until a woman and her entourage spots them and walks over to the gaping-eyed threesome.

"Oh hi.... nice to see you three and your pokemon come in", greets the head female honcho. Crystal responds, "Thank you. This is quite the garden..... is this part of the Celadon City Gym?" "Yes.... this is the courtyard. My name's Erika and I'm the Celadon City Gym leader", responds Erika. "Ah yes, I should have known", says Justin with a grin towards her.... make of it what you will. He introduces himself, the Crystal, then Misty who reminds her that she was a previous visitor to the gym and helped put out that fire that Team Rocket caused.

"Oh yes.... you came along with my students that one day", remembers Erika who then adds that she brought her crazy friend who crossdressed just so he could get into the gym. While we take notice Erika's disturbingly distinct notice of young crossdressing guys, Misty then remembers about her foul smelling, amazingly annoying Gloom and asks how it's doing. Erika then giggles and flirts before telling her, "Why don't you talk to my pokemon about that directly?" Erika then sends out her sidekick pokemon.... only now, it's a new and improved Bellossom proving that Erika used her perfume money to purchase a rare, expensive sun stone for her leafy friend.

"A Bellossom.... what about your Gloom?? Oh wait, I remember now... it must've evolved", starts Misty before she uses her brain. "I guess this Gloom must have evolved into a Bellossom with a sun stone during the years since you saw it as a Gloom", explains Crystal to her. Meanwhile, Pikachu is greeting Bellossom again and introducing the flower pokemon to its boyfriend. But all we can discern is a bunch of pika's, shrew's, and bella's echoing.... Perfect timing for Crystal to whip out Dexter to see all of its chemical capabilities.

Bellossom - the Flower Pokemon - When Bellossoms, dance together, their petals rub, against each other making, pretty, relaxing, sounds.

Misty asks Erika about the change in the garden and Erika answers her that she recently received a bunch of those dreamy murals from an Abercrombie and Fitch (snobby clothing store... excellent clothes though) auction and she decided that since she makes her world famous perfume, she decided to use them to decorate her courtyard. She adds that she also wanted to keep her garden looking good and smelling like her perfume so that's why all the Chikoritas are around. She goes on to babble that they pollinate the plants and sometimes use their sweet scents to keep the place smelling good. She even claims to have a scent inspired by the Chikorita's sweet scent.

Well, let's see now...... we have a garden that they could easily gather chemicals for their own personal club drugs, images of computer altered hotties on giant mural all around the place, and tons of pokemon that get WAY too much tv time. You know what you get when you put all of that together??? Answer: Pokemon's response to Calvin Klein.... that p*ssy!!!

"It's great to see you doing so well", says Crystal. Erika then asks them why they're there and Crystal tells her that she came to challenge her for a Kanto League gym badge. She then pauses before resuming, "But first.... I'd like a better look through this garden........ not to mention all these cuties." All the girls shriek excitedly gushing over the cuties they get to look at like they always do at an Abercrombie and Fitch. Or for the guys, they're as excited to look as a bunch of guys peeking into a Victoria's Secret.

One of Erika's air-brained assistants tells them that she was hoping to ask one of them out on a date. But if you think that's worth laughing at, one of her friends one ups her asking, "Oh really? Did you get the guy's number??", and then all the girls including Crystal and Misty shriek again. Unfortunately, she hasn't got the guy's number since he's a posterboy that none of their ditzy no-brains HAS EVER F*CKIN MET!! "Well... at least I'll get my own good view of all these pretty girls", says Justin with a sweatdrop to the side of his face.

Oh that Justin.... after getting left to rot, he's still a good sport.... and a good playah.

And so they all rush off to see all the........ ahem......... appealing scenery. The only thing though, is that they left someone behind..... like Justin. So the girls are still walking around and talking about girl stuff for about 20 minutes or so. After we hear the tail end of one of Erika's personal ditzes complimenting her about her blooming plants, Justin then has hadenough. Once he gets bored of looking at their overly clothed backsides, he then shouts out, "Hey, are you guys ever going to get around to battling or anything??"

But Misty shouts back to him, "Hey... you had your fun with those Dragonite buddies of yours. Now we're having a little fun of our own!" "Oh yeah let's see, I got knocked around in a super tough pokemon battle, got dragged up to super high thin air facility where I had to help save you all from a meteor, and now I'm just standing here staring at all of you hearing dozens of 'oh my God's'. Yeah... that's a lot of fun", sarcastically responds Justin. "Then go fly a kite if you're so bored", quips Crystal with Pikachu looking up at her in concern.

Justin then quips, "Well... I guess I'm left to stroll through this palacial garden alone." But not to see Justin mope around unfriended, Misdreavus pops out of her pokeball to be with her lust puppet. "Misdreeevus", croons the ghost type killah making Justin quip in response, "Oh well..... better to talk to even you rather than talk to the plants in this garden." Just then, Erika slides in without moving (or us seeing) her legs to mention to him that it's not a garden, it's a courtyard. "Oh.... I'm sorry... whatever", apologizes Justin as she and Misdreavus are being observed through the binoculars of Team Rocket.

Could you imagine the dodginess taking place if the twerps and TR switched positions?? Ohhhhh!

"It looks like dose twoips are checkin out a museum in dere wit all dat artwork", comments Meowth referring to the posterized studs as works of art. Once again, make of that what you will.... "No you little furball!!! That's the Celadon City Gym. Remember when we snuck in there and they tricked us with that smelly little pokemon and that so-called fake perfume?", yells Jessie. "Oh yeeeeeaah.... now I remembah dose crummy curmudgeons!", realizes Meowth. "Are you referring to that perfume you wear all the time?", wonders James as Wobbuffet pops out for the first time confirming, "Woooooooooooooobbbuuuuuuuuuhhffet!", and saluting. "That's not what this is about!!", yells back Jessie scaring James and the patiently pleased one.

"Well then what is it about?", whimpers James. "This time, we're going to invade that place to do what we couldn't do the last time... steal the ENTIRE formula for that perfume so that way we can sell our own batch for a bundle." "We could sell its secrets to dere rivals at Calvin Klein or Ralph Lauren fur a bundle", comments Meowth as Wobbuffet continues to salute behind them. "Ahahaha.... that's right, Meowth! And while we're at it, we'll swipe Pikachu and Sandshrew from that miserable little twerp", adds Jessie.

"I'm for revenge", says James. Meowth adds, "En da coldah we get tah soive it, da bettah!" "So now all we have to do is dig a hole underneath the building to get into that place and we can steal what should be rightfully ours!", proclaims Jessie. "Ahhhhh Jessie, I don't feel like doin da hole diggin plot again. I tink I'm comin down wit a lumbar sprain...", complains Meowth. Jessie responds, "Ahh, Meowth, you won't have to today because we have a new hole digging partner with us." "We do?", wonders Meowth.

"Ahahahahhahahahaaaaaah.... that's right. Our new little friend is going to help us do a lot of hole digging from now on", claims Jessie who then brings out her pokeball with the 'R' on it and throws out her newest pokemon, that weird Dunsparce. Dunsparce comes out and purrs in contentness as Jessie tells it that it's time to dig them a hole all the way into the pokemon gym. But Jessie is forced to pause when she notices that Dunsparce isn't listening and just looking up as if it's waiting to be petted and nurtured.

Jessie then laughs and tells it that it can get all the attention it wants once it helps them finally defeat those twerps. "Wooooooobbbuuuuhhffet", agrees Wobbuffet making Jessie turn to it less cheerfully. She tells her patient companion that she's sorry, but Wobbuffet had its chances and blew it before concluding it's not her fault Wobbuffet can't attack others. So Jessie then returns Wobbuffet to its pokeball for now.

"Okay Dunsparce, we're ready for you to do you digging!", says Jessie cheerfully bringing us to another silly quote from James which makes us question how normal or unnormal he really is. And so, he tells the world, "It's going to feel really cool crawling through this tunnel." Thus, Dunsparce begins to dig and TR follows the snakey thing as it burrows into the hole.

...................

...................

................... GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!

Just by a show of hands, how many people believe that there will be some kind of lewd act in this makeshift tunnel featuring James and Dunsparce? ............ Well.... that's a lot of dirty minds I see there.

Meanwhile, the mindless girl chatter continues..... "Have you seen my newest version of the Vileplume Series? Vileplume No. 8?", asks Erika. The girls scream in excitement as one states that she can't wait to try it. Crystal also adds that she loved her Vileplume Nos. 6 and 7 and that it's almost as exciting as...... oops! She forgot all about the reason why she originally came here in the first place.

She remembers that she wanted to challenge her for a Kanto League badge and asks if she's ready yet. Forced to stop stalling, Erika says now is a good time by excusing that her pokemon students have probably arrived by now. She asks her if it's okay if they watch her match to which Cris-tal has no problems. But first as special guests the threesome all receive a complimentary flower growing set including seeds, sacks of fertilizer, and gardening trays which Erika claims grows some of the prettiest in the world. One of her personal ditzes backs up that claim by saying that she grows some of Erika's flowers and that they're the spotlight of her studio apartment.

"Thank you.... that's so kind of you Erika", raves Misty as Pikachu adds, "Pi-pikaaa pikachu." "Here Justin, can you hold this for us??", asks Misty as the two girls hand him all the sh*tsacks (what the hell did you think the fertilzer was?? candy cane sugar??) and flower equipment. Justin takes the first before uttering, "Oh yeah... go right ahead and add the strain to my back", and taking all of Cris-tal's plant growing materials which she already has plenty of back home. And when he gets the mountain of free gifts he takes a couple of steps forward before losing his balance, shouting in panic, jogging his legs really fast in midair, and then finally falling over. Broken back and all, he's able to mutter, "I think I've been uprooted here", while lying in waste on the ground. And where are the heroic women to assist him?? Why, they've long left him behind to head to the gym.

So what do we know from all this?? Quite simply.... whether it be Ash, Brock, Justin, or allegedly Todd/Snap, there's never any luck being a guy in the feminine paradise of the Celadon City Gym.

Erika then welcomes her class who has entered the battle room and introduces the little 8 and 9 year olds to Crystal and her pokemon. Then as if she was teaching a buncha dem kidnegartenuhs, she asks them what do they say. And the tykes respond, "HELLO CRYSTAL!!!" Erika explains to them that she's going to battle Crystal and she wants them to pay attention to how she uses her grass pokemon to battle Crystal's assorted team. Erika then tells Crystal that this battle is 4 on 4 with no time limit (when was the last time you saw a battle with a time limit?).

But then Erika gets all snot-nosed and elitist like many remembered from the Indigo days when she was a total bitch to Ash. She teases Crystal by saying, "Though I enjoy all my other hobbies (i. e. being a ho, etc.) a lot, I enjoy beating opponent pokemon trainers twice as much as anything else!" Bellossom stands ready next to Erika while Crystal is being flanked by her loving pokemon couple responding calmly, "Well then that's not enough because I only came here to win." Thus, we bring ourselves to Misty and Justin discussing Cris-tal's chances.

"How much of a chance do you think Crystal has?", wonders Misty. "It's not promising being in a garden against grass pokemon. But Crystal already has three badges and she does enjoy plantlife.... so I wouldn't count her out either. Let's see what happens", comments Justin. Aha!! So she DOES enjoy.... plantlife..... which means she likes to do a lot of activities and hobbies that involve...... plants.

Consider that remark Exhibit B under the evidence file.

Crystal watches Erika start out with her first pokemon, Tangela, who's familiar from the first battle when Ash battled her looking like a total moron. Crystal counters with a pokemon that seems to be familiar with the all the plants around them and has an pretty good grasp on grass types and can rip them apart. That's right, it's our good acid-dealing friend Courtney Love..... oh wait... not her. Must be the other type of plant specialist which would be Noctowl.

It comes out with a traditional splash of white powder while Erika pompously states that this should be a good starting tune-up for her. Tangela uses its vine whip which come out of its Medusa like vines to strike Noctowl but Noctowl flies above it and is in midair flapping it swings too slowly for a pokemon that isn't high. Noctowl then uses its confusion attack which deals a serious blow to Tangela to the praise of Cris-tal. Tangela then tries stun spore and aims it at Noctowl. But once it's given a chance to twitch its head sideways, Noctowl is ordered by Cris-tal to whirlwind it right back at Tangela at full force.

The gust sends it back at full force since it was probably tainted, black market caliber powder. But Tangela avoids it by rolling forward and ending up right below Noctowl. Tangela is then commanded to use sleep powder and so it jumps up high towards Noctowl unwilling to keep a deal from going through. Crystal has Noctowl try to get away but Tangela is too persistent and this substance is too powerful for the already fixed Noctowl. Thus, the deal goes through and Noctowl falls to the ground asleep. Finally, Tangela gives Noctowl one last vine whipping for initially turning it down and Noctowl is in the usual position of being passed out.

So Erika is one up to the shock of Crystal as she tells Crystal, "Did you really think that you would have the advantage over one of my franchise pokemon?" So now her team has become a mega-powerful franchise..... that's fine with me... it gives you readers all the more reason to hate 'the franchise'. "Oh no... this is the worst possible scenario", fears Justin, "One of Crystal's (Ash's) strongest grass-type fighters is down already." "She's going to have to battle tougher than she's ever had to battle before to win this one", states Misty with Misdreavus looking on behind them to their indifference.

Crystal overhears Misty's statement and declares, "Misty's right... I'm going to have to get a lot tougher if I want to win. She then whips out her pokeball telling it, "I'm going to need all of your toughness. Go Bulbasaur!" So Crystal gets more surly and nasty but still not as much as Bulbasaur who comes out looking immediately pissed off as it stares across the gym to its familiar adversary. "Hmmm... Your Bulbasaur looks pretty well trained. But I'm afraid it doesn't look so tough to Tangela", states snotty Erika.

This raises Crystal's level of surlyness closer to Bulbasaur as we see both of them with a smirk on their faces. "Well then Erika, you're going to see how tough Bulbasaur really is!", she proclaims. Bulbasaur then looks on waiting for the damn commercial to start so that once it ends, it can open up a can of Bulbasaur 3:16 whoop-ass on Erika's franchise players.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This rare green rock creature looks like a Reptar marshmallow cereal piece from the Rugrats cartoon.)

It's Larvitar.......................... "Larvitarrr"

"Bulbasaur!!", shouts Bulbasaur getting angrier by the second as Crystal finally lets it attack commanding it to use a barrage razor leaf. Tangela initially dodges the first wave but Bulbasaur is way too surly and persists with its razor leaf assault hitting Tangela's overgrown vines though not bad enough to reveal what must be the fugly mug those weird vines seem to hide. Tangela counters with a sunny day attack that works indoors by having Tangela shoot a beam of light through the glass ceiling and thus the sun brightens the whole place up.

Crystal then tells Bulbasaur to use its vine whip which unfortunately gets caught up in the midst of all of Tangela's vines. "Hah! That was a big mistake.... now I'm going to tranquilize your mega-tough Bulbasaur. Tangela, use your constrict attack!", shouts Erika. So Tangela begins to spin causing Misty to worry that she's seen this before. She then warns Crystal, "Crystal... once Bulbasaur gets drawn in, it's going to use sleep powder again." "Quick Crystal, you have to figure out how to have Bulbasaur escape", suggests Justin.

"Don't worry. I'll take care of this", assures Cris-tal determinedly, "Bulbasaur, use your sleep powder before Tangela does!" So Bulbasaur uses its surly aggression to fire its sleep powder far away accurately at Tangela. But Erika is selfish and won't have Tangela experiment with sleep powder other than its own. Thus, Erika immediately has Tangela sling Bulbasaur out of the way and then dodge the foreign substance. Bulbasaur flies all the way across the gym as Justin and Sandshrew fear that it's going too fast and will crash against a wall.

Crystal initially gasps at the sight but she actually has the ability to think fast which is definitely unlike Ash and has it use a vine whip which grabs on to one of the small trees its nearby. Bulbasaur then swings around and flies back into the drawn up battle area. Crystal keeps those wheels in her head turning (her aderol must be kicking in today) and uses Bulbasaur's momentum to have the angry little plant/reptile thingy tackle Tangela with its extra momentum.

"Nice move, Crystal", encourages Justin as Erika sees part of her franchise getting taken to the proverbial woodshed, "I like Crystal's style of battling. It's refreshing and new." "Misdreeeeevus", states Misdreavus for no apparent immediate reason. And in a quote that could be <fill-in-the-blank>shipping and will be by those that want it to be true, Misty adds, "I enjoy watching her battle even more than Ash." Misdreavus happily croons again making Misty ask Justin curiously why Misdreavus is out of its pokeball. To this, Justin responds, "Well... I guess Misdreavus here just wants some fresh air..."

Is it that, Justin? Or does she REALLY want some fresh.... ehhh, I'm not gettin' into that here, you PERVS!!!!

But Erika is too proud to let one of her pokemon fall that easily and yells at Tangela to give Bulbasaur a solar beam blast that it would never forget. Crystal's brain skips a beat for a split second thinking, "A solar beam? All right, now I have a little time to try and knock out that Tangela!.... except.." Kapow! Bulbasaur absorbs a tremendous solar beam from Tangela who's able to fire it right away because of the sunny day move as Justin points out to her. A normal Bulbasaur might not be able to survive this solar beam but if Bulbasaur goes down, it would be its second loss to this pokemon and its dreams would become nightmares featuring this hideous looking pokemon making it so surly that it may become homicidal.

So to maintain the innocence of our lovely American youth and to maintain dignity in Pokemon itself, Bulbasaur rises up refusing to say die. And it would even long after its death, dammit!! "Thank goodness you're okay, Bulbasaur!", says Crystal relieved. "Bulbasaur!", shouts the defiant grass-type to the delight of Pikachu. Crystal then decides to turn the tables so to speak on Erika proclaiming if Tangela can blast a quick solar beam, then Bulbasaur can fire a quicker, better one.

And Bulbasaur does just that, using all its frustration to fire an awesome looking solar beam which blasts Tangela into next Tuesday. Thus, Bulbasaur wins and the ref decrees Tangela to be out of the match to the delight of the threesome. Tangela returns where it'll probably be tortured into long labor for its defeat despite the statement be Erika that it did well. She then proclaims to Crystal, "You may have gotten lucky against Tangela, but my crew of grass pokemon is just 2 deep for you!"

WELL.... all I can say is........................ BITCH!!!

Crystal looks on focused at the spoiled perfume brat until............... the ground starts to shake in the middle causing Erika to gasp and Crystal to wonder what's goin on. And then a hole pops up and out comes Jessie's Dunsparce forcing its way out of the hole (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DAGUTTAH!) "A Dunsparce?", questions Justin curiously before everyone hears the familiar laughing. "That laugh!! .....it's them!", groans Crystal before gritting her teeth angrily.

"Prepare for trouble, we've not finished our role"
"Make it double cuz it's us in this hole"
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie"
"James" They each leap out of the hole.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight"
"Meeeeeowth, that's right!"

"Team Rocket!", yells the twerps for no reason at all. "I remember you.... you damaged this gym and tried to steal my perfume formula!", shouts Erika with her holier than thou attitude. "That's right! And now that we've come back, we're going to finish what we started", states Jessie. "Hey..... when did you get a Dunsparce anyway?", wonders Justin. "Dunsparce is our newest Team Rocket troublemaker", states James. "HEY.... Dunsparce is MY personal pokemon troublemaker!!", shouts Jessie making James apologize. "Hmmm...", figures Crystal as she gets out her pokedex.

Dunsparce - the Land Snake pokemon - If spotted, Dunsparce can escape, backward, by furiously boring into the ground, with its tail.

"We're gonna steal da complete fragrance recipe.... en while we're at it, we're finally gonna get da twoips' pokemon!", brags Meowth. "I don't think so!", shouts Crystal as Pikachu shouts at them defiantly. "You know how to take care of this trash, don't you Pikachu?", asks Crystal. "Pika-piiiikachu!", responds Pikachu. "You don't have to worry about these three.... this is our gym! Let us deal with losers", proclaims Erika as her airheads go, "Yeah" and "That's right", while her students look on in concern as they're being desensitized to crime and violence as we speak.

"Nobody's gonna do nuttin to us!", shouts Meowth, "Or else ya precious little grass pokemon are gonna be totally hoibecided!!" "Bulbasaur!", shouts Crystal desperately as TR whips out herbicide sprayers sticking them to some of the airheads' grass pokemon as well as Bulbasaur. "Don't even think about, Missy" shouts James sounding his version of manly (you know the tone of voice....). "THAT'S MISTY!", shouts back Misty making James sweat extra nervously. "One false move and Bulbasaur's bulb will get withered", laughs Jessie. "You cowards, can't you stand up to us like honorable people", snaps Erika.

"Out of the question, Daisy. Of all the things that we are, we're certainly not honorable nor are we brave", says James ranting about him being girly again and sounding quite content about it. "Now hand over ya secret perfume formula and you twoips hand ovah ya pokemon bahfore we toin ya beautiful grass pokemon intuh dead weeds", demands Meowth. Despite the ultimatum, Erika amazingly refuses to give them anything putting her profits ahead of pokemon lives being a typical corporate capitalist.

"Den I guess ya don't care if yah pokemon get a little gardenin woik done tah them", says Meowth. "Grrrrrr... you creeps!", groans Cris-tal hoping not to see the loss of grass pokemon and their "resources" go to waste while Bulbasaur shouts, "Bulba-bulbasaur!!!", angrier than we've ever heard it in a long time. Erika's group of airheads then nervously quiver worrying about their koot lil' pokemon and what may become of them. "Ahahahahahahahaaaaa! The only ones in a lost-lose situation today is you, you twerps!", brags Jessie.

TR really has their gameplan going well today.... but as you're about to see, it only takes one bad break to start the floodgate counter from the opposition.

At that point, a wave of mysterious razor leafs fly at TR from behind surprising them. It conveniently separates their herbicide sprayers from their hands and a poisonous cloud rises up from the busted cans getting to TR making them run around nervously in the gas. "What's going on?", wonders Misty as we then see all the Chikorita from the garden shouting, "Chika!", rebelliously ready to attack TR. TR finally gets out of the poisonous cloud and Jessie shouts angrily wondering where the Chikoritas came from.

"Hey... these Chikoritas must help protect the garden. They probably sense the dire situation this environment is going through", believes Misty. Justin then adds to the theory, "They're really in tune with their surroundings." "Chika!", shout all the Chikoritas as TR panics and looks to escape. Thus, TR runs awkwardly back towards the hole they dug but Erika and Crystal don't want them to go, yet. Besides, it'd be too painless for them.... Erika tells her Chikoritas to use their vines whips which end up tripping and then restraining TR from escaping.

This makes Jessie make the always dodgy quip of, "Ohhh... now I feel a lot dirtier", with her face in the ground. They then look up to see one pissed off Pikachu ready to turn them into Christmas trees. "Oh no", fears James desparately as Meowth starts, "I tink we're about tah become flyin projectiles again." "Piiiiiiiii-KAAAAAAHHHH...", starts Pikachu until it gets taken down surprisingly by Dunsparce who slithers ahead to cut the electric rodent off. "Wow, that Dunsparce really short circuited Pikachu", comments James.

Jessie is also delighted by her new pokemon's actions that it leads to a little PUN-ishment, "Hahaaa.... with my new Dunsparce, we're not going to take that high voltage lying down anymore!" TR then gets up off the ground and Jessie commands Dunsparce to battle except all she hears is Dunsparce crowing and looking up at her as the Dunsparce's TR obsession continues. "That's very nice, Dunsparce, but we need you to battle right now..", laughs Jessie kind of nervously. "Dunsparce!", responds the weird looking creature who turns around ready to short circuit Pikachu some more.

Pikachu tries to use a thunderbolt but Dunsparce gets around it to Jessie's delight. "That little guy has got some smooth moves", quips James. Dunsparce then uses its swift attack to harm Pikachu and then follows it up with a tackle attack. Crystal urges Pikachu to get back and fight them as Sandshrew provides additional encouragement. Crystal has Pikachu try using its thunderbolt attack but Dunsparce escapes by burrowing underground. "Where'd Dunsparce go?", wonders Justin and Misty answers that it's going to come up from somewhere and attack Pikachu from below.

"Get ready, Pikachu!", yells Crystal as Jessie tells Dunsparce to attack. Crystal tries to look to tell where Dunsparce is going to come from but can't see anything. Erika somehow notices and tells Crystal that Dunsparce is coming out behind her. Crystal quickly looks behind shoulder and gasps, quickly getting out of the way. Dunsparce arises out of the ground knocking Pikachu before it can escape sending it flying towards a glass door. Thus, poor Pikachu is on da verge of busting open it's koot adorable head true sharp, unforgiving glass.... <sniff> as its trainer Cris-tal shouts, "Noooo, Pikachuuu!"

But fortunately for the electric rodent, it gets saved by the vine whips of one of the dozen or so Chikoritas. Pikachu smiles while hanging upside-down as Erika proclaims, "Nice catch, you guys!" "Dem Chikaritas are helpin' Pikachu", observes Meowth. "AND WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME!!!!", shouts Jessie. "Don't worry, Jessie, I'll save you. Qwilfish go!", shouts James tossing out his pokeball. But James proves he's not that much smarter than Ash as we see Qwilfish flopping around on the ground going, "Quil quilf quilf." "OH NO", frets James as Meowth states that James is about as helpful as a fish outta water. "Woooooooooooobbb!", agrees Wobbuffet with a salute.

The Chikorita then swings Pikachu gracefully into the air soaring like an eagle. Crystal then urges Pikachu to give TR a thunder attack. Dunsparce tries to avoid it but Pikachu charges up, "Piiiiiiiiiiii-KAAAAAAAAHHHH-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!", unleashing a blast that not only fries Dunsparce, but the rest of TR as well. During the shocking, Meowth tries to utter something but we end up hearing, "Uh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh!!!", and it sounds hilariously goofy. And then, the electric attack causes the mandatory explosion of TR's equipment.

"Aaaaaahhhhhh! Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaaiiin!" "Wooooooooobbb!"

"Phew... I'm glad that's out of our way", sighs Erika lucky that her business is still alive. "Good thing you're perfume recipe is still safe", says Crystal lucky that she can still get high sniffing premium perfume created by Erika instead of cheap imitation generic perfumes. Erika then apologizes to the spoiled brats that were watching the match. Thus, they are ensured to still grow up as wealthy brats that may engage in a secret world of yuppie chronic smoking and prostitution.

I wonder if Crystal was ever a part of one of those??

Crystal asks Pikachu if it's okay to which the mouse responds, "Pikachu!!" Sandshrew also gives Pikachu its personal congratulations probably signaling that he's ready to thank Pikachu some more once they get alone. "The names and pokemon might come and go but TR continues to get what they deserve.... absolutely nothing!", says Justin who was once briefing in TR himself thus he briefly deserved nothing...... and I assume got nothing if ya know what I mean. I'm talkin' DOWNTOWN!!

"I'm sorry about that", Crystal apologizes, "They always follow me around trying to swipe my pokemon. But anyway, I'm ready to resume the battle. Aren't you, Bulbasaur?" "Bulbasaur!", snaps the surly grass-type. Erika okays her and asks her to try her luck on the pokemon she sends out......... her Bayleef. "A Bayleef?", notes Crystal as Erika tells her it was her favorite (biggest bully, moneymaking) Chikorita so she trained it and it has evolved. "I don't know about this one, Misty", fears Justin.

Crystal hmmmm's glumly and then proclaims that she and Bulbasaur will do what they can. Bulbasaur is ordered to use a tackle attack and charges right at Bayleef whom Erika has counter with a body slam. But despite Bulbasaur's surliest effort, the big fugly Bayleef is just too big and powerful mowing right over Bulbasaur to the shock of the threesome. Bulbasaur is too surly to give in and so it gets back up and tries a vine whip which gets to Bayleef. However, Bayleef is easily able to shrug it off and retaliate with its own, more powerful vine whip knocking over Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur gets back up but it doesn't appear to be in good shape as its twitching its legs in pain fighting through all the bruises it has endured. "Bulbasaur, can you continue?", wonders Crystal and Bulbasaur nods but then looks up at the more powerful Bayleef. "Crystal, Bulbasaur's tired and overmatched! You have to give it a rest", shouts Justin. Crystal knows that Bulbasaur is surly enough to beat most opponents, but she's also not stupid and knows Bulbasaur isn't invincible, As a result, Crystal tells Bulbasaur, "You've done very well and deserve a break, Bulbasaur. Return for now.", before calling back the surly one.

But don't worry Bulbasaur loving dodgers, you'll read about it getting its second chance to use its surlyness and anger to master its opponents momentarily.

"That was a wise decision. Your Bulbasaur was too tired to go on against a stronger opponent. Bulbasaur does earn a great amount of respect from this gym now, though", states Erika who at one point in her earlier battle against it with Ash called Bulbasaur 'an easy win'. I only bring that up because I know you'd all want to show up that tycoon bitch. "You had the advantage that time.... now I'm going to have the advantage now! I choose you, Cyndaquil", proclaims Cris-tal throwing out the squeaky little fire mouse. "Cyndaquil!", it squeals.

"A fire pokemon.... don't think I'm not ready for that, Crystal?", states Erika. "What do you mean?", asks Crystal curiosly. "Keep your guard up, Crystal", warns Misty perhaps uneasy that Crystal may end up having one of those 'really competitive matches' with someone other than her...... Crystal's 'really good friend'. "Right!", agrees Crystal who's certainly not friends with Erika like she is with Misty. She then orders Cyndaquil to attack with its swift attack.

That last passage by the way.... it wasn't <giggle> meant to be <giggle> suggestive or anything ....... heh heh.

Swift nails Bayleef who retaliates by bombing Cyndaquil with its body slam. Erika then has Bayleef use stun spore while Cyndaquil is down but the little fire mouse uses its smokescreen to protect itself and Bayleef can't use its attack properly. Cyndaquil is able to make its way through the smoke able to sense Bayleef nearby through the smoke. Crystal sees this and makes Cyndaquil use its flame wheel attack. Cyndaquil squeals with all its might to bust out fire surrounding its entire body and scorching Bayleef.

Crystal jumps on the opportunity while Bayleef is down for Cyndaquil to do more damage with its flamethrower singing Bayleef down to its last thread of life. As its fellow Chikoritas look on in concern, it looks like Cyndaquil has an easy win this time. Except mega tycoon Erika becomes a cheapskate in battle and has Bayleef recover its energy using synthesis. Thus, Bayleef recovers practically all its energy to the horror of Cris-tal. "What's a synthesis attack?", wonders Misty who's spends much time on water pokemon but apparently none on other types. "Synthesis is a move exclusively for grass pokemon to help them recover energy. In this case since the sun is especially bright because of the earlier sunny day move, Bayleef is able to recover all its energy.

"I told you we were ready", reminds Erika as Crystal looks awfully angry.... well not really... but angry for her. "Fine, then we'll have to knock you down again", shouts Crystal. Justin then warns Crystal that she has to take Cyndaquil's remaining energy into account. But Crystal reassures him that she's ready to handle that. Bayleef is then commanded to use its vine whip and Crystal has Cyndaquil use its flamethrower to block the vines. The fire travels up the vines and harms the rest of Bayleef. Cyndaquil then gets up to Bayleef and attacks with its flame wheel knocking Bayleef almost out again. But again, Erika forces Crystal to keep beating it as long as she can making Bayleef use its synthesis again.

But this time, Misty notices that Bayleef doesn't look all better and Justin realizes that the sunlight from the sunny day has faded away and that Bayleef can't recover as much energy anymore. "Well.... it looks like your Bayleef is out of daylight, Erika", jokes Crystal, "Cyndaquil, use your flamethrower at full power!" This triggers a full power, window shattering squeal as Cyndaquil turns up its flamethrower to make Bayleef into charred firewood. Thus, Bayleef is out of the match and Crystal is ahead for now.

Crystal congratulates Cyndaquil while Erika apologizes to Bayleef for reasons unbeknownst to us. Maybe she's apologizing for making her favorite garden protector go through the loser's detention camp...... or maybe she's apologizing cuz she sucks. But whatever the reason, the threesome acknowledge that Erika only has two pokemon left. "I'm sure it'll be another well-trained, very tricky grass pokemon", thinks Justin. "Let's see...", says Misty with Misdreavus still looking on from behind Justin at the battle.... or down his pants. So Erika takes out her next pokeball and throws out the next player in her grass franchise............

..................?????

.................. A VAPOREON???? WTF??!

"VAPOREOOOONN!", shouts the water pokemon sitting on the green grass field shocking everyone. "What is Erika doing with a Vaporeon??", wonders Justin. "I do have to admit... that Vaporeon is such a cutey. I want one just like that!", gushes Misty with Misdreavus taking her focus off Justin to agree with Misty. "Female minds fall easily for the same things", quip Justin. "That's funny, I thought that was what male minds did?", says Misty with a sarcastic, menaced look on her face. Rather than risk Misty altering his face with her boot, Justin goes back to the subject of the Vaporeon suggesting that just because Erika's main focus is grass types doesn't mean she can't test you with another type of pokemon. Misty guesses that it's probably to see how a strong grass fighting team can cope with the change.

"You want to take a break Cyndaquil", wonders Crystal who suddenly, stupidly relies on her pokemon to make the decisions for her and Cyndaquil is too hard-headed (a trait bequeathed from Ash) to want to give up now. And so.... Cyndaquil takes on Vaporeon and may God help us all. "Vaporeon.... douse Cyndaquil's fire with your hydro pump attack!", commands Erika. But Crystal yells that she won't take down Cyndaquil down that easily and the squeaky fire mouse uses it agility to get out of the way not once, but twice. Cyndaquil then burns Vaporeon with its flamethrower to the cheers of Crystal.

But Erika knows another way to drown out Cyndaquil firepower making Vaporeon use its rain dance attack. Vaporeon's eyes turn a ocean-like shade of blue and then the sky above darkens making the place much less bright than it was. "Oh no.... Cyndaquil's fire attacks won't work well now with the clouds caused by the rain dance", explains Justin as Erika uses her evil mechanisms tochange the weather to her advantage again. Damn that jezebel, damn her...... DAMN HER!

So Vaporeon uses its hydro pump once again but Cyndaquil is able to dodge it this time with its smoke screen. But now Erika has the advantage since she knows Cyndaquil is hiding in the smoke. "We got it now, Vaporeon. Use your shadow ball attack!", commands Erika. So Erika pulls out another trick out of her proverbial bag and the shadow ball gets Cyndaquil really hard knocking him to the ground and unable to battle. Thus, the ref declares it official and Cris-tal is down to just two pokemon.... one of whom we already know is Bulbasaur.

"Wow.... Erika is resourceful in her battles", points out one of the brunette airheads needlessly. Justin adds that she does have a lot of tricks to throw at her opponents and now realizes why she's a gym leader.......... well other than the fact that she has a lot of money. "What do you think Crystal's going to do, now?", wonders Misty. "I don't know.... it may not even matter", answers Justin sounding surprisingly hopeless. But Cris-tal knows she still has some pissed off vigor left in the pokeball containing Bulbasaur and she lets it out once again. "Bulbasaaaaaauur!", shouts Bulbasaur still sounding angry since facing Bayleef. "Good choice", approves Justin, "But I don't know how much longer Bulbasaur can last."

Crystal starts to tell Bulbasaur to use its solar beam but Misty warns her not to do that since the rain dance is still in effect and it would make the solar beam really weak. She may not know too much about grass.... but got forbid if she was uneducated about a water move... <gasp>. "Fine... then I'll try another move. Bulbasaur... use your vine whip on Vaporeon", orders Crystal. Bulbasaur fires but Vaporeon slithers away a couple of times before firing another hydro pump. Crystal is worried that Bulbasaur can't take anymore attacks... but then Bulbasaur's surliness comes through the best way possible.

You see... Bulbasaur's had enough dammit!! And once it avoids the hydro pump, Bulbasaur uses its vine whip once more wrapping up Vaporeon, slamming it to the ground, and then staying on it with a razor leaf just for good measure. Vaporeon is just about done, but just when you think one of Erika's pokemon will finally go away.... yet another f*ckin' trick comes up when Erika has its Vaporeon use rest restoring its energy. "Oh no... all the damage Bulbasaur did went for nothing", figures Crystal, "But at least its asleep so it won't attack Bulbasaur so I can wear it down again."

But Erika laughs at her not to be so sure as if she's toying with the less fortunate lower class young lady as if she was from a terrible ghetto athletics programs. What a bitch.... talking down to a commoner just because she went to a upscale parochial high school. WHY I OUGHTA....

.... uhhh.. oughta be good... for you, tha fans. Cuz I love you guys!!! (Please don't say 'Aww' or I will be forced to go on a massive killing spree.)

Erika has Vaporeon use its snore attack which allows it to use a random attack while its asleep which stuns the threesome and Sandshrew. Anyway, Vaporeon ends up using an iron tail attack according to Justin. "Oh no... Bulbasaur's already depleted from two earlier battles. I can hardly comprehend how it's not going down", states Misty. Justin states that Crystal has to make the right decision immediately or else Bulbasaur will go down. Crystal watches Vaporeon maneuver its way around in its sleep as Bulbasaur looks almost totally winded and bruised in multiple places. "If only I could stop that Vaporeon in its tracks.... wait... that's it!", figures out Crystal.

She has Bulbasaur use as much stun spore as it can covering nearly half the field. Vaporeon may be able to move in its sleep, but it can't control exactly where it's going too well and it ends up right in a cloud of stun spore which finally exposes one of Erika's pokemon's weaknesses and shoves it right back in her heavily powdered face. From there, Bulbasaur takes control using leech seed which saps power from Vaporeon and neutralizing the healing powers of its rest. And to exert some more frustration, Bulbasaur fires one last wave of razor leaf knocking Vaporeon out getting congratulations from Cris-tal which should get Bulbasaur its choice of Crystal goodies depending on what you may think her 'goodies' are.

Erika calls back Vaporeon not even thanking it for destroying its body for her spoiled sexually perverted trainer. "What's wrong, Misty?", wonders Justin noticing that Misty doesn't look too happy and with good reason. She responds, "Erika has one pokemon left... and I've seen it before. It's incredibly difficult to beat... Crystal's going to have to be extra resourceful to beat it." "You mean that Bellossom??", asks Justin who pauses to let Misty confirm his curiosity, "Then this should battle all in itself." We then see the aforementioned Bellossom come out of its pokeball as Crystal recognizes it from earlier in the soft porn garden. "Now you're going to have to beat my biggest franchise player, Crystal", states Erika. "Then that's what I'll do", calmly replies Crystal.

Crystal has Bulbasaur try to attack first with its razor leaf but Bellossom dances away from it and heads towards Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur tries to use some more razor leaf but even the amazing surliness energy of Bulbasaur has basically been drained from facing all of Erika's highly trained pokemon and its razor leaf attack looks awfully flat coming from Bulbasaur. So Bellossom is then ordered to douse Bulbasaur with its acid attack with Bulbasaur seemingly defeated. But before the acid can finish off and rot away our poor Bulbasaur, it reaches deep down to charge forward and dodge it.

Knowing Bulbasaur is about to collapse from exhaustion, she tells Bulbasaur to use its poison powder that poisons Bellossom since she's within the area of the cloud. But finally, Bellossom has had enough and uses its body slam attack to hit Bulbasaur with full force finally taking out Bulbasaur after taking an inhumane barrage of attacks. The ref announces it, and Crystal is down to one pokemon left. "Poor Bulbasaur", mopes Misty while Justin is impressed with Bulbasaur's effort and toughness. But then Misty states that Crystal only has one pokemon left to battle with. "But Misty, what can she do? All her pokemon are at a disadvantage against that Bellossom", fears Justin as Misty oh's worrying for her good friend Crystal.

"Both Totodile and Sandshrew are at a huge disadvantage against the grass-type, Bellossom, and Pikachu already battled Team Rocket...", Cris-tal's voices in her head tell her. But before she can trip any further, Pikachu takes things upon itself to go out and battle. "Pikachu??", wonders Crystal and Pikachu tells her, "Pi-pikaaa pikachu!", implying that it can take that Bellossom across the field. "Aren't you tired from fighting earlier?", asks Crystal and Pikachu strongly tells her no shaking its furry head. "I'm afraid you're out of luck, now. Bellossom... petal dance attack!", shouts Erika with femininity. Bellossom begins to dance around sending harmful petals flying but Pikachu refuses to get caught in it and gets around the petals with its agility.

Hey!... Bulbasaur ain't the only pissed off surly one after all. But then again, any pokemon would be surly if it used to be the star player and its now overlooked for a trainer's more loved pokemon. Pikachu then uses its thunderbolt at Crystal's request and it shocks Bellossom right down to its pistil (what?? you don't know your botany?). But not before Erika anticipated an electric attack and had Bellossom use light screen to reduce the damage. Guarded against electricity, Pikachu and Crystal are forced to counter with a non-electric attack using Pikachu's quick attack. It does damage.... but only a minimal amount. "Time to give Pikachu a gardening lesson... Bellossom, use your solar beam!", commands Erika gracefully.

"Oh no.... Bellossom's well defended for any of Pikachu's attacks and I have to beat Bellossom before its solar beam kicks in or else Pikachu will be a goner for sure!", worries Crystal. "Crystal!", shouts Misty, "Bellossom was poisoned earlier by Bulbasaur! Just keep attacking and it'll wear it out!" Crystal clicks onto her and confirms that Misty is right. So she has Pikachu use its strong thunder attack to wear down Bellossom shocking the pwetty little flowuh pokeemon as its charging its solar beam. "Bellossom.... hurry!", pleads Erika who's finally starting to sweat indicating the climax is near.

"Pikachu... use one more thunder attack!!", shouts Crystal and Pikachu is able to shock Bellossom once again knocking it loopy and maybe.....maybe Erika's franchise is finally about to be defeated. But then, being the #1 pokemon of a gym leader, Bellossom recovers strong yelling, "Beeeeeeeeeeelllllllaaaaaaaaahhhh!", and fires a screaming solar beam which topples Pikachu. This attack leaves Pikachu wobbling and the threesome plus Sandshrew shocked and concerned wondering if it could somehow survive.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon gets exploited like a child silk maker in India for its weather predicting purposes.)

It's Hoppip!! ....................... "Hooooppip!"

Meanwhile on the other side, Bellossom is feeling the effects of Pikachu's attacks and the growing poison that was inflicted earlier by a vengeful Bulbasaur. Both pokemon are ready to faint making their respective trainer lose. But which one will buckle first? The stumpy legs of the battle tested poster pokemon for cuteness? Or the very incarnation of a flower which looks like a pokemon much more women would enjoy cuz they're pretty and lovely and yes.... cute? Oh my God! Oh my God Oh my God OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod I can't wait.

And then, it's really close to call and from the naked eye it looks like they both fall at the same time. But if you look at it closely enough, it appears as if Bellossom clearly hits the ground just a split second before Pikachu does. And the referee seems to have a decent look at it and now has to make a very important decision. It looks as if Pikachu probably held out and won but unfortunately, Crystal and the yellow rodent have a few things going against them. Erika writes the gym referee's paycheck PLUS she sorta looks like a blonde bimbo PLUS she has no incentive that we know of for helping Crystal win PLUS it's always the judge or ref who seems to build suspense and controversy.

So do you still think Crystal won???

The ref ultimately declares that both pokemon are down simultaneously and therefore neither trainer wins. The end result of the contest is a draw. F*ckin' bastards ain't they?? At least they could have just determined that Erika and Bellossom were the winners so that there would be bedlum and outrage making the scene violent and fun to watch.

"I'm proud of you, Pikachu", says Crystal walking over to Pikachu and checking on it. "Piiiikaa", feebly responds the yellow one and Sandshrew pats its shoulder to comfort his lover. "That was such a good battle", exclaims one of the garden bimbos, "Erika fought so well." "So did Crystal", adds one of her friends who looks like a young Suzanne Somers. "A draw?", wonders Misty sounding kind of disappointed. "But how are they going to settle their battle and determine a winner? And how's Crystal going to get her fourth badge?", wonders Justin.

Wait one sec before I go on. Mmmmmm.... young Suzanne Somers...... Three's Company!!! <drools>

Thus, Erika came back with more tricks up her sleeve as the capitalist perfume mogul which sometimes made dodgers angry. With her new additions..... the lavish model's garden paradise, those self-centered Chikoritas.... and her returning qualities... her holier than thou attitude, her intolerance for average young males, her managerial manipulation.... she has made herself one of the most desirable anime being for us wanting Crystal to beat the everliving crap out of. Not to say that she isn't totally evil, she can be a good person every so often if you can believe it. But its just very easy to vilify her for her money, corporate control and influence, and not to mention the atrocious attitude common of lots of overpriveledged, wealthy kids.

That's why the world needs to see Erika get beat..... period.