Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 45

FINALLY........ yes, FINALLY..... our drug induced main character Crystal has earned her fourth Kanto League badge by beating the sh*t outta that spoiled elitist bitch Erika and her "franchise" pokemon. <snicker> Thus, our threesome appears to be halfway through their little Kanto League journey.................................. and you know what that means......................

PAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRTTAAAAAAAAAAYYY!

Yeah... that's right..... any excuse for a party is a good one and this excuse is damn good!!

But while Crystal has excelled surprisingly well handling pokemon that aren't the most predictable bunch in the world, there are also a few imperfections and problems that Crystal needs to work out. Like for example, her drug habit, her reliance on Prof. Oak for money, her drug habit, making it to the level of a championship trainer like her threesome partners, Misty and Justin, her drug habit, and one more little ongoing problem which will be rectified today. That would be Crystal's constant reliance on Sandshrew to do all the dirty work.... from blasting TR to smithereens to winning her important battles.... while snubbing Pikachu in the process since the electric rat was used to doing all this dirty work for Ash but now being with Crystal, is now second fiddle.... a position that as we have seen, Pikachu isn't thrilled at all with.

Thus today, Pikachu will show Cris-tal exactly how she feels about what she's done whether it be intentional or not and perhaps during this chaos 1) bolster the 'Pikachu is French' argument by reacting snobbishly to losing its 5-star personal treatment it used to receive and 2) send the relationship between Pikachu and Sandshrew to a new higher level. But despite all this drama between the twerps, it may all pale in comparison to Meowth's solidified opinion about James with just one simple, yet infamous, historically dodgy line...... and we'll owe it all to a horde of watermelons.

With that in mind, we begin this tale with the threesome, Sandshrew, and Pikachu walking along this bayside path near Celadon City as Crystal looks baked again as does her friends whom she probably coerced into smokin' with her. I say that because she seems too happy for just walking..... even when walking along a pristine body of water.

"Just four more badges to go and I'll be able to compete for the Kanto League trophy", claims Crystal. "Shrew!", adds Sandshrew contently as Pikachu also becomes content when Sandshrew smiles at it (oh that charming ground rodent....). "Excuse me, miss. Did you say you were competing in the Kanto League??", wonders a young Indian boy. "Oh... yes. Why do you ask?", answers Crystal who notices the kid that might look like a future 7-11 employee to the average white trash American. "My name's Najeet", Najeet (nah-zheet) says with a slight accent, "I'm training to be able to compete in pokemon leagues like the Kanto League." "That's a great idea!", says Misty sponsoring the Pokemon corporate machine, "Have you caught and raised any pokemon, yet?"

Najeet then blushes as he starts getting the hots for Misty and then says, "Yes..... and.... and... I'd like to challenge you to a battle. I'd like to battle with two of my pokemon against your Pikachu and your Sandshrew." Crystal pauses for a moment to think about how she'll eventually accept the challenge while it seemed as if Najeet was looking at Misty the entire time he was challenging Crystal. "Well, I don't see why not. It's fun to battle the youngsters and show them how to battle. Right Sandshrew?", Crystal tells Sandshrew accidentally ignoring Pikachu again. "Sa-shrew!", agrees Sandshrew as our favorite pokemon couple gets ready to battle together. "I'll start with Pikachu!", states Crystal finally mentioning the little rodent's name. "Pika!", shouts Pikachu as it finally gets pumped and ready to battle. "You ready Najeet?", asks Crystal but doesn't see him facing her anymore, "....... Najeet?"

Najeet is now courting Misty getting much closer to her holding her hands asking, "I'm sorry.... I haven't met you guys yet. Huh huh.... what are your names?" "Oh... ha ha", laughs Misty with an anime sweatdrop appearing behind her, "My name's Misty. I specialize in water pokemon." "And I'm Justin..... I was in the Johto League tournament not too long ago", states Justin as Misdreavus pops out to gush over Justin and utter, "Miiiisssssdreeeaavus!" "Heh heh... and that's Misdreavus", laughs Justin sheepishly calling back the horny ghost type. "Pleased to meet you Misty.............. and uh, Justin", replies Najeet. He then turns to Crystal apologizing not realizing she was ready as she tells him to go ahead and select his pokemon but to select wisely because Pikachu is a very strong electric type.

Crystal must still have that teaching hangover from teaching all those private school brats at Erika's gym. I guess raising a large amount of little kids or one Ash Ketchum leads you to crack-cocaine....

"Okay Crystal..... I chooooose.......... Scyther!", Najeet shouts as he winds up and throws out his Scyther. "Scy-ther!", shouts the badass bug type. "A..... Scyther?!!", states Misty who seems bugged out. "Uh oh..... Crystal and Pikachu may end up learning the lesson here", comments Justin with a look of concern on his face.

<cue intro>

"Scyther.... use your quick attack!", shouts Najeet striking Pikachu very quickly while Justin comments that his Scyther has excellent speed. Crystal has Pikachu counter with its own quick attack that strikes back Scyther. Najeet tells Scyther that they can outmuscle Pikachu and then has it use its slash attack. Scyther goes to slash Pikachu who gets out of the way with its agility. "We can chase down this thing, Scyther. Just use your pursuit attack!", states Najeet. So Scyther begins to chase Pikachu around the battle area along the beach while continuing to bump it. "Pikachu... stop running away! Just use your thunder attack!", demands Cris-tal. So Pikachu charges up to zap Scyther who's charging unsuspectingly right at the high voltage pokemon and it ends up getting zapped like a..... a bug going into a bug zapper.

What a metaphor...

"Scyther, no!", shouts out Najeet unhappy that Scyther got fried. He then repents for getting suckered into Pikachu's electricity and tells Scyther it's okay that it got its ass kicked by a tiny little Pikachu. "Now I'll have to choose my strongest pokemon!! Go Xatu!", shouts Najeet sending out the weird, tribal looking bird. "It's hard to believe that boy has a tough pokemon like Xatu", comments Misty. "I can't believe that he has a pokemon that's better than that Scyther", adds Justin. Crystal notes that it's a flying type and that it should be academic. So she has Pikachu use a thundershock but Xatu turns it back on Pikachu with its confusion.

Pikachu is alright from the attack though a little staggered from the confusion attack. Najeet then tells Xatu that it's going to attack with electric attack so it should protect itself with light screen and then use its double team. And so, Xatu protects itself and then multiplies to avoid Pikachu's electric blasts a few times. "That Xatu has incredible speed!", gasps Justin as Misty states that Pikachu has to find a way to stop it. Xatu then uses its peck attack to knock down Pikachu but the stubborn little mighty mouse gets back up refusing to lose to a boy even punier than its friend Ash. Najeet then quickly asks Misty, "Isn't Xatu battling well against Pikachu?", wanting her worse than an ice cream on a hot summer night. "Yeah", replies the unsure Misty who feels a little awkward being in a position where a bastard child actually WANTS her.

"Pikachu!!..... Return for now! I'm gonna use Sandshrew to get this win", states Crystal. Now Pikachu has seen this go on far too much and now it seems as if it's finally had enough as it snaps back at Crystal, "PIKACHU!" "Huh... Pikachu??", wonders Crystal before Sandshrew goes to chat with Pikachu probably to reassure it again that Crystal doesn't mean to offend and that he'll 'take care' of Pikachu later. So Pikachu runs back behind Crystal for now to let Sandshrew battle. Najeet then has Xatu use its peck attack again but this time Sandshrew gets around it and Crystal compliments its dexterity and then has it use its rollout attack which grounds Xatu.

But meanwhile while everyone's paying attention to the battle, Pikachu is sitting and pondering about the recent turn of events. The yellow rodent replays some of the recent times where Cris-tal replaced it with Sandshrew whether it be in important battles, blasting the f*ck out of TR, or just hanging around and playing. It watches Crystal congratulate Sandshrew after defeating Xatu and decides it's time to do something. But unfortunately, it doesn't become a mad revenge driven criminal or leak Crystal's personal secrets to the authorities.... instead, the little pudgy rodent just runs away with nobody noticing right away.

"You were impressive, Sandshrew..... and you too, Najeet. If you keep training, you'll be an awesome trainer", says Crystal. "Thanks", replies Najeet still a little awestruck at Misty before he finally notices, "Say... what happened to your Pikachu??" "Pikachu?", wonders Crystal, "Why Pikachu's right her... huh?" She then notices that Pikachu isn't there and then she proceeds to call for and look around for it. "Do you think something happened to Pikachu?", worries Misty. "It was just battling a moment ago", adds Justin. Sandshrew then catches a glimpse of Pikachu's jagged tail and big ass running away down the path and through a tall grassy area. So Sandshrew gives chase to its lover jumping off Crystal's shoulder running after Pikachu. "Sandshrew... wait!", shouts Crystal as she starts to run after Sandshrew.

"Sandshrew?", wonders Justin puzzled by this goings-ons. "I think it saw Pikachu and went after it", notices Najeet who currently is acting the smartest in the group at the moment... a sad sign for the threesome. "Let's follow them!", declares Misty and thus Justin, Misty, Najeet, and Xatu follow as well. Instead of using Justin's Dragonite which can fly much faster, they follow Sandshrew on foot to get some exercise I guess. Sandshrew then shouts to them before going into the tall grass area. They all run through some non-watery marsh area as Crystal tries to encourage Sandshrew to wait up since the twerps can't run as fast. They then run into a field with much shorter grass where they continue to follow Sandshrew's pursuit of Pikachu until they run into the motherload of all obstacles to keep them from running any further. Something that could only be concocted by those with the deepest pockets or the wildest imaginations. Yes, they've.........

Fallen into a TR hole! The twerps and Najeet are all grimacing from the fall as Xatu looks on and does nothing. Iron bars then get placed over the top of the hole so that the twerps can escape easily. That has to bring up the question, 'What would happen to the threesome if they were sent to Oz?... and I don't mean that fairy land with that wizard... Plus, who'd they be bitches to, as well??' "How'd this hole get here?", wonders Najeet who isn't used to falling into TR pitfalls as far as we know. "There's only one group maniacal enough to come up with a trap like this", states Misty who has already figured out it must be our very own Team Rocket.

That must be record time for any twerp.... bravo, Misty!

"Wha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa", laughs Jessie.
"Prepare for trouble near the dock of the bay"
"Make it double and watch the tiiide roll away"
"To protect the world from wasting time"
"To preserve all of Otis Redding's rhymes"
"To announce our passion for 70's soul"
"To extend our mood while digging this hole"
"Jessie", showing up in disco clothes and a pink afro wig.
"James", ditto... except his wig's blue and he's wearing a white leather jacket... though it's probably fake given TR's meager budget.
"Team Rocket blasting back in time"
"Surrender now cuz it's time to commit our crimes in our prime with a twist of lime.... oooh, this is fine so stay on the line and don't lose the sign or else you'll whine", rambles on James.
"ALRIGHT ALREADY... THEY GET THE POINT!!!", exclaims Jessie whacking James to the ground with her purse.
"Heh.. Meowth, that's right", finishes Meowth who even himself seems flabbergasted by James's extra rhyming.

Despite the clever spin on the motto, the twerps are still less than thrilled as TR throws of their spiffy outfits. "What the heck are you doing?", shouts Justin. "We're keep you locked up so you can't interfere with us, that's what we're doing!" "WOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUUHHFFET!", shouts Wobbuffet popping out towards Justin getting close to him and saluting freaking him out a bit. "What do you want, you.... you... three... idiots!", shouts Crystal trying to hold back from cursing. "We're going to grab your precious little Pikachu and your precious little Sandshrew and there's nothing you can do about it cuz you're stuck in our little cell we dug for you", states Jessie.

While Crystal and Misty 'grrr' helplessly, Meowth makes the first of his a couple major revealing dodgy statement about James in this episode when he tells 'em, "Getcha filthy greedy hands on dere little pokeemon two-pack!" Oh dodgers and other readers alike... you can make of that what you will, but the big slip of the Meowth by the talking scratch-cat is still to come.... oh just wait... just keep reading... it'll come.

"Roger", replies James in the dodgiest way possible before bringing out some robotic hands to reach through the bars and grab Sandshrew and Pikachu.......... except James finally realizes that he doesn't see the pokemon lovebirds in there. "Hey.... I don't see them in there..", notices James. Jessie snaps angrily at his apparent incompetence, "What do you mean you don't see them.... they have to be.... Say... where did your pokemon go??" "Not that I'd ever let you have them, but Pikachu and Sandshrew have disappeared.... so you can't take them from out of here", states Crystal.

"I knew it was too good to be true.... a foolproof plan tah captcha da twoips en dey don't even got Sandshrew or Pikachu", mopes Meowth. "Woooooooobbbuuuhhffet", mourns Wobbuffet alongside Meowth though going largely unnoticed to anyone around. "Xaatu!", chirps Xatu still standing over the whole where the twerps are trapped. "Say... where did this neat Xatu come from? I bet the boss would love this", remarks James. "Let's steal it!", conspires Jessie. "Nooo... that's my Xatu. Don't you even think about taking it, you thieves!", shouts Najeet from lying in that hole as close to Misty as he'll probably ever get in his life.

But Jessie responds back with a silly and possibly even racist line. "Quiet, slurpee boy! We're angry that didn't get what we dug for, so we're settling for this fine Xatu here", states Jessie before cackling. Najeet tries to have his Xatu get away but Meowth bags it before it can go anywhere and then TR splits with James taunting, "Sorry to leave your journey in a pitfall." Crystal yells angrily for them to come back... most likely out of pure hatred and rivalry of Jessie, but Meowth tells them to hurry and maybe they can track down Pikachu and Sandshrew. So they board the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon and sail off in pursuit of the pokemon love couple.

"XATUUUU!", yells Najeet as Justin urges Crystal to help them get out of there since his muscles are too puny and girly to push open the bars on top of the hole. So instead, Crystal has angry Bulbasaur come out and use its razor leaf to slice open the bars probably forgetting that they'll all crash down on their heads. But in any case, the twerps escape from the hole with possible concussions though it may probably just feel like another hallucination for Crystal. They look for TR but they've apparently disappeared from sight already. "This is awful... what are we going to do?? Pikachu is gone, so is Sandshrew, and TR made off with your Xatu, Najeet", moans Crystal who seems awfully down.... as sad as you might ever see her.

Justin then suggests that maybe they should head back to the Pokemon Center in the city for the time being since maybe their resources can help them to figure out how they might find their missing pokemon. And also, he states that maybe they can get a grip on what happened to Pikachu. And I personally think Justin's using this as an excuse to see Nurse Joy again and perhaps ever cop a feel on her. But whether you believe that or not, the threesome and Najeet agree to head to the Pokemon Center as Crystal thanks and calls back Bulbasaur.

But while the threesome is regrouping, Pikachu is still running... tears running down from its koot wickle face, despondent that things ended up this way. Ohhh... I'd be boohooing here if I was a softee for cute looking stuffed animals.... and I'm sure the most sensitive of this audience is in need of a tissue right about now... too bad I don't have one. Despondent, Pikachu scampers into a cave to cry out its eyeballs for a little while until...... until.....

..... until it hears a familiar brain-dead laugh of a bastard child. "Pika??", wonders Pikachu as he then looks up and sees its old trainer Ash.... well... in its imagination anyway. Pikachu then remembers how much Ash spoiled its fat ass and then after the flashback, Pikachu quips, "Piiii?", wondering if it'll ever see its crackbaby owner ever again. But its dreaming of Ash is short-lived as Pikachu then hears a threatening 'ga-roooaaar'. "Pika?!", wonders Pikachu as it turns around to see what's growling. It would appear to be an Onix but in fact... it's much more serious than that.... it's couple of Steelix. And yes ladies and gentlemen.... they're both seriously pissed off at the little yellow rodent's trespassing.

Odds are that these Steelixes are horny which would mean that Pikachu is really f*cked.

The two of them begin to chase after Pikachu who scampers all around the cave trying to escape the wrath of the horny pokemon. Under pressure, Pikachu goes to try and fight back by shocking the Steelixes which of course doesn't work cuz Steelixes are also ground types in addition to steel types. So with no other attacks that could work effectively, Pikachu's only hope is to run and escape if it can.

Meanwhile back at the Pokemon Center in the city, Crystal is trying to fathom why Pikachu and Sandshrew just disappeared and ran off. "The way that Sandshrew ran off... he must've been going after Pikachu who I guess ran away while we were busy watching the battle", ponders Justin. "Run away?!?", wonders Cris-tal who looks more drunk since we saw her out by the bay. Well that's certainly more cause for investigating what she's hiding..... "But I tried to do everything for Pikachu. I know how well Ash took care of it", states Crystal. "Do you suppose it was upset that you took Pikachu out in favor of Sandshrew during our battle earlier?", wonders Najeet. "Or maybe it could have been the way you replaced Pikachu with Sandshrew during the gym battle here in Celadon City?", thinks Justin. "Perhaps it could've been that you used Sandshrew to fight Team Rocket instead of Pikachu who usually just shocked them away", adds Misty.

"Oh no.... do you think Pikachu thought I was favoring Sandshrew??", worries Crystal. "Maybe I was but I didn't mean to ignore Pikachu or favor Sandshrew", she adds. Nurse Joy then walks over and says, "It's unfortunate but not that unusual that pokemon run away or use some method of trying to get their trainer's attention." "Well Nurse Joy, Sandshrew was my #1 pokemon until I started this journey and I inherited my friend's pokemon, including Pikachu, to embark on a journey in the Kanto League. I do admit that I'm most comfortable battling with Sandshrew since I've had Sandshrew longer than any other pokemon. So since Pikachu was Ash's go-to pokemon until he left it with me....", answers Crystal. "... Pikachu felt ignored all those times you used Sandshrew and it got upset to the point where it ran away", deduces Justin.

"Pokemon that get new trainers may feel uncomfortable adjusting... even if it has been months", says Nurse Joy. "Yeah... but I've know Pikachu a very long time and it's normally a very well behaved pokemon. I still would find it really unusual that Pikachu would run away. It just knows better than that..", states Misty deliriously. "I can't believe this..... I feel so bad that Pikachu is gone. And now Sandshrew is gone, too, and this boy's Xatu has been taken by TR and it's my fault", mopes Cris-tal. "Stop blaming yourself, Crystal. I know you feel bad but it's not going to help if you mope about it", says Justin.

"He's right, you know", comments Joy as Justin thanks her sheepishly developing a little crush on Nurse Joy. So Crystal then wonders what she should do and Misty suggests that maybe she should ask the little emotionally/physically crippled bastard Pikachu trainer himself. "Ash may know Pikachu better than he knows himself. Maybe he has an idea of where Pikachu might have went to", suggests Justin. "I'd definitely bet on the first assumption", quips Misty pug-faced.

Hey Misty..... girl, we'd bet on it, too.

"Alright... I guess I'll talk to Ash", figures Crystal, ".... but I have no idea how I'm going to break the news to him." All Justin, Misty, Najeet, and Nurse Joy can do is grimace uneasily as she goes to the videophone. And up on the other side of the line of the vidphone appears not Ash.... but suprise!!! It's Ash's virtuous, wholesome mother Delia... <chuckle> "Hellooooooo!", greets Mrs. Crackmother on the screen. "Mrs. Ketchum... hey!", greets Crystal. "How are you doing, Crystal?", wonders Mrs. Ketchum.

"Uhhh.... okay", replies Crystal lying out of nervousness. "How are your pokemon?? Is Pikachu around anywhere? I haven't seen the darling in such a loooong, long time", asks Delia. "Uhhhh", shakes Crystal with a sweatdrop, "Actually, Pikachu is still recovering in the Pokemon Center and uhhh... it's gonna be awhile." "Oh... what a coincidence", replies Mrs. Ketchum, "You wanted to talk to Ash, right?" Crystal says she does but then Mrs. Ketchum creates the excuse that Ash is currently in physical rehab. It may be true.... but physical rehab for Ash may also be kindergarten. Crystal pauses for a moment in a bit of relief before saying that she understands.

Before Ash's mom goes to find pantsless Prof. Oak again, she asks her one more time if she's got anything to say to her. And just like a drug addict that can lie to their parents and not feel remorse, Crystal hesitates for a minute before she says, "Ummmm... nothing much. Other than I now have four of the eight Kanto League gym badges I need." "That's great, sweetheart", says Delia feeling great for a girl accomplishing so much more than what she did in her life. Crystal then okay's her, sweet talks her with compliments, and then they hang up to end an awkward dialogue. And Mrs. Ketchum can resume playing their special hide and seek with Prof. Oak and when she finds him, they'll both be winners.... no wait... they'll just be perverts. My bad.

"Oh well, we'll just have to look another way", states Justin hesitantly, "Now how do we go about looking for all these missing pokemon?" "And how are you going to earn Pikachu's respect back?", adds Misty. "You're going to have to prove that you're committed to Pikachu if you're ever going to earn back its trust", suggests Nurse Joy. Crystal sighs dejectedly for a moment before the stimulants in her body pick up her spirit and determination as she states, "Then that's what I'm gonna do!"

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (The wisdom of this patiently pleased blue pokemon is vast and sage like Confucius.)

It's Wobbuffet....................... "Wooooooooooobbbuuuhhffet!"

After the break, we find that Pikachu is still trapped in the cave of the Steelix couple and they still look pissed off that their whoopee was interrupted. Pikachu tries to dart for the exit to the tunnel but one of the Steelixes uses a rock slide which forces Pikachu away from the exit into a corner that the furry little rodent can't get out of. Pikachu looks up in fear as they both ga-roar at it. Pikachu shivers unable to do anything but sweat in rolls as the male Steelix then lunges for Pikachu.

But as Steelix goes for Pikachu, we see Sandshrew make it's heroic entrance into the cave through one of the cracks and skull bashes the first Steelix out of the way. "Sanshrew!!", it shouts telling the two Steelixes to come and get their bitch-ass selves a thrashing. The other Steelix then charges Sandshrew who leaps high to get away and then Sandshrew launches an enormous sandstorm to blind and confuse the horny Steelix. Sandshrew tells Pikachu, "Shrew!", and Pikachu utters back, "Pika..... pi-pikachu!", and they both run to escape out of the cave. We then see that the two Steelixes don't bother to chase after the trespassers and Pikachu escapes with boyfriend Sandshrew.

They escape to an open field where Pikachu proceeds to ask Sandshrew, "Pika?" Sandshrew replies, "Shrew. Sa-shrew!", and Pikachu beams with delight at what Sandshrew has to say.

But since we can't understand all the pika pika's and shrew shrew's..... we shift to Chushrewvision with added gangsta slang for humor.... (CAUTION: Wording may not be accurate)

"Dag yo.... you saved my ass back dere", says Pikachu. "Of course I did, bitch. You know you my main ho!", answers Sandshrew. "Ahhh... shrew. You know you de only one fuh me! But I still ain't goin' back to dat half-ass skank ho trash of a trainer", claims Pikachu, "Come on... don't cha wanna come wit' me to find my Ash??!" "Aww no no baby.... it's not what ya think. My Cris-tal ain't like dat?", responds Sandshrew shaking his head. "Huh? What cha talkin' about?", wonders Pikachu sounding confused.

Exit Chushrewvision for the moment....

We go back to the Pokemon Center where the threesome is taking their sweet ass time talking about stupid sh*t instead of looking for their pokemon. Najeet asks Crystal how they're going to go about searching for all their pokemon while peeking over at Misty. Crystal tells Najeet that she and her friends have plenty of pokemon to send out for a search party. She then sends out Noctowl who comes out with its trademark sparkles of cocaine surrounding it. Crystal then sends out Noctowl to go look for Sandshrew, Pikachu, and Team Rocket. Noctowl crows back and then flies away as Misty proclaims that they have even more pokemon to go searching as she calls out her Togetic which chrips, "Toge-trrric!" Justin also get in on the search party formation calling out Dragonite which cries, "Borrrrrw", sounding more like a plush animal than an intimidating legend. Misty and Justin have their pokemon go out and search for the missing pokemon also.

"Wow... you all have neat looking and rare pokemon", says Najeet looking awed, "Maybe I can send out Scyther as well." So Najeet throws out his Scyther who also flies out from the Pokemon Center to search for Sandshrew, Pikachu, and Team Rocket. Since everyone tells their respective pokemon to return to the Pokemon Center if they see anything, the threesome gets to sit on their lazy asses some more until one of the frequent flyers return. "How long do you think it'll take the pokemon to find our pokemon?", Najeet asks Misty with desire in his eyes not bothering with the other twerps. "I'm not sure... it may depend", responds Misty with a sweatdrop in back of her head. "But our pokemon are all very capable... so hopefully we won't have to wait too long", she assures with a smile.

Nurse Joy then interrogates Crystal a little more about what's been happening between Sandshrew and Pikachu. "Hey... I'm interested in figuring out why you would always replace your Pikachu with Sandshrew. You wouldn't just do it out of dislike for Pikachu, would you?", the shy nurse asks Crystal sternly. "N-noo! No way!", says Crystal defending herself, "I've just always have had a habit of using Sandshrew since that was the only pokemon I've used in a long time. Recently, I've also been balancing my battles between my other pokemon. But lately, I've had to replace Pikachu in some battles because either I had a plan to defeat the pokemon with Sandshrew or because Pikachu only knows electric attacks and the opponent can counter better because of that. I guess Ash never taught Pikachu any other kinds of attacks."

"It looks like you have a bunch of reasons for your decisions and actions and you seem to be of good character. So don't worry, I believe you", assures Nurse Joy, "But have you ever considered trying to teach Pikachu different attacks?" "Huh?.... Oh... I guess I've been so busy running around and battling everyone that I never thought about teaching my pokemon other moves", answers Crystal. So then Nurse Joy tells Crystal to hold on as she runs back to bring out a book. No, she's not taking Crystal back to school way back when she wasn't on drugs, Nurse Joy explains that it's a book that explains how teach your pokemon other attacks and which ones they can use. She then recommends that a pokemon like Pikachu or Sandshrew that has a bond to her as strong as they do should learn the 'Return' attack with Joy adding that it should be especially strong for your pokemon since you apparently care so much for them.

Cris-tal thanks Nurse Joy probably wondering if it'll teach her any way to make new uses out of the plants she's always getting. Then, Crystal gets to studying it all the while Justin and Misty are sitting lifelessly waiting for their either unanimated or psychotic pokemon to either return or be recuperated at the Pokemon Center. And while they're sitting around waiting for their pokemon to do all the work, the next scene brings us to TR where IT... FINALLY.... FINALLY... happens.

Yes.... Gone will be the days when any kind of rocketshippers can say that Meowth doesn't accept homosexuality! Reverted to uselessness will be the apparent evidence from Pokemon: The Movie 2000 where Meowth says they don't need anyone else cuz they got each other! NO... for all their arguments will ALL go down the drain. And it's all thanks to..... of all things.... big fruit!

We see Team Rocket as they're searching for Pikachu and they seem to have some watermelons aboard their happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon. "Did we really hafta steal dese watuhmelons? We wasted precious time trying to captcha Pikachu en Sandshrew while you had tah stuff ya faces", declares Meowth. "But Meowth, these watermelons are absolutely scrumptious to dig into!", Jessie responds with a smile on her face. So James goes to utter passionately, "I really like eating big fruits!"

....................... ummm, no immediate comment there.

But the next comment by Meowth will go down in the hallows of Pokemon Crystal dodgy history as perhaps THE most dodgiest line ever uttered. And probably the dodgiest line EVER uttered by the talking scratch-cat as he remarks with a slight chuckle....

"Well if dere's a bigguh fruit den you, I ain't seen em'"

***bursting out laughter for several moments*** ***laughter eventually dies down***

Meowth then quickly resumes his commanding, "Now stop suckin' on melons en start lookin' for dem pokemon!! "Roger", responds James adding to the dodginess of the situation as he takes out his see all/hear all binoculars and he looks for a few moments until he notices something wading through the tall grass that sounds like a Pikachu. "Hey... I think I've seen something down there", spots James. "Is it Pikachu or Sandshrew?", wonders Jessie with a mouthful of watermelon seeds. "I don't know.... let's go investigate it", declares James as the balloon starts to descend.

Meanwhile, Pikachu and Sandshrew continue to discuss the recent events as Sandshrew tries to explain that Crystal is not trying to damage Pikachu in any way.

Re-enter Chushrewvision (CAUTION: wording may not be accurate!)...

"Criz-tal's got mad love fuh you.... just as much mad love as she's gots fuh me!", explains Sandshrew. "Why should I buhlieve that skank ass?", responds Pikachu. "Dammit bitch! Can't you pay some f*ckin' attention?! Fine... you don't gotta believe me if ya don't wanna. But I am tellin yo skeptical ass da truth.... and we're still smokin'. WHAT?", says Sandshrew. "Oh really.... well, I'm powerful, independent, and soful (soulful) so I'll be honorable en take yo word for it. Now let's do it da style dat only us thugs know how!", states Pikachu. "Now dat's da charmin' bitch dat I like tah be fixated upon", replies Sandshrew as they go to make whoopee. "Damn... you be so fresh, so clean Sandshrew!", replies Pikachu as they begin to play around.

Exit Chushrewvision as a cage captures both of them in a divided cage just before they were gonna get it on.

"Pika-pikaaa?", wonders Pikachu as Sandshrew yells, "SHREW!" Jessie claps as she announces, "Bravo, you two precious, profitable pokemon.... we're just absolutely thrilled that you dumped those sniveling twerps and leave. Now you can join the boss who's going to make your calling truly worthy." "En along wit dis Xatu 'ere dat we stole from yuh friends, Team Rocket's won da race and has oined ourselves a trifecta wit da boss!" "Sanshrew!!!", shouts Sandshrew again pissed that TR interrupted their special time. Pikachu tries to shock its way out of the cage but James tells the pair of pokemon, "I'm afraid your electric attacks aren't going to work this time. We trapped you two in our attack resistant cages so no matter how powerful Sandshrew's sandstorm or how powerfully packed Pikachu's electric punch are, there's no way you're going to escape our clutches this time."

"Woooooobbbuuuhhffet", then says Wobbuffet popping up from behind and saluting the captured pokemon. Pikachu and Sandshrew are still too sexually driven and pissed off to listen though as they still try to attack. TR then cheers, "Hurraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy team!", as Jessie, James, and Meowth all hi-five each other as off in the distance, Togetic looks on bemused at TR's entertaining antics chirping, "Toge?.... trrric?"

Back at the Pokemon Center are the twerps waiting for their pokemon to find the missing. Crystal in the meantime, has found some fascinating information and ideas not relating to illegal business. "Wow... I never knew Corsola could learn that", she wonders as she turns the page, "And here's the lowdown on the iron tail attack. Say... I don't have pokemon that knows any steel attacks.... <gasp> and Pikachu can use it. I guess I should teach Pikachu iron tail when I get it back" she deduces.

Another historical moment on Pokemon as it's one of the rare times that the lead character studies and actually learns something valuable which is great for Pokemon since most of the previous episodes were of the gigantic mental acumen of Ash who's fortunate to understand half of each Dr. Seuss book..... well... maybe only Green Eggs and Ham since Ash is a food junkie.

Crystal then pauses and reflects sadly using some more common sense (another rarity among lead Pokemon characters) uttering, "That is.... if I get Pikachu back." At that point, all the pokemon the twerps releasing for the search party return since Togetic found them. By the way.... would you guess they used their pokemon here because it was a million times better than the wonderful alternative of making Officer Jenny break from her Dunkin' Donuts routine to go search for those lost.

In other words, the threesome made the right decision...

Crystal asks Noctowl if they found anyone and Noctowl crows back and twitches its head in a relapse. So Crystal sends everybody out as Justin encourages everyone to hurry, Misty tries to take Najeet along with them but naturally he's keeping right up with her. They all leave with Togetic leading the way as Nurse Joy begs for them to please be careful. A little while later, TR is coasting along with their captures and J & J smiling widely as Meowth utters, "Ahhhh... smooth sailin' ahead. En' da twoips are still totally lost", all while Sandshrew and Pikachu are still being loud and cranky.

But their carefree attitude is short lived as they hear Najeet's voice shout, "Heeeey... let go of my Xatu!" They turn around in shock to see all the flying pokemon leading the twerp brigade running after them as Justin points out ironically, "Hey... that looks like Pikachu and Sandshrew up there. Team Rocket actually brought everyone together.... we're kinda in their debt." Misty shouts for TR to come back but Jessie yells no way since they already gave up the hot pokemon couple and now they've taken possession of them. "Pikachu!! I was so worried... are you alright?", yells Cris-tal up to the perplexed mouse who now is wondering if she's actually sorry. "Pi? pika??", wonders Pikachu.

"Well we'll just have to cut you down to size.... Togetic, use your rollout attack on Team Rocket", yells Misty as Togetic starts to roll ahead right at the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon. But Jessie fires back, "Oh no, you don't! ARBOK! I CHOOSE YOOOOOOUUU!", and sends out Arbok who shouts, "Chaaar-bok!" Jessie then commands it to use poison sting keeping Togetic away from TR as Misty growls. "Never fear, Misty. I'll get them down. Go Scyther!", shouts Najeet wanting to be Misty's hero as Scyther begins to fly up at the balloon. Arbok tries to slow it down its stingers but Scyther uses its agility to get around them and then slashes the balloon back down to Earth.

Arising from a cloud of dust, Crystal and co. race over with the little addict wanting to make up with Pikachu and also get Sandshrew back as well. But TR is standing in their way as Cris-tal shouts angrily at her adversary Jessie wanting her pokemon back. "NO! We're keeping the pokemon cuz we're still here", shouts back Jessie. "And we're still leaving you behind!", adds James. "WOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUHHFFET!", adds Wobbuffet popping up in front of them. "Well you can't leave with my Xatu.... and you can't run away from all of us", threatens Najeet as the twerps and their pokemon all give TR a threatening look.

"Fine.... den you'll hafta get tru all of us!", claims Meowth as he whips out his sharp paws. "That's right", adds Jessie as they throw out all their pokemon as we notice Victreebel going after James while Qwilfish makes him wiggle around in more pain with its spikes as he makes some more weird noises. "Alright guys... it's 7 on 4. But we ain't scared of dere advantage!", humors Meowth as TR's pokemon and the twerps get into a pokemon brawl. As they're all tangled up including Victreebel chomping on Dragonite's tail while Noctowl is trying to keep Weezing's stench from contaminating it's magic dust while Wobbuffet stands there saluting everything. LOL.... god bless good ol' Wobbo!

But while they're all fighting (and while Qwilfish is flopping around on the ground...), Crystal sees an opening to get to Sandshrew and Pikachu's cage. "Guys!... Pikachu!... I'm here to save you, I'll get you right out in a moment!", Crystal says as she looks emotionally at her pokemon couple. "AHHH NO YA WON'T!", shouts Meowth who then goes for Cris-tal's face and ends up perching onto Crystal's shoulder. Crystal and Meowth then begin to struggle as she continuously blocks Meowth's sharp claws and then gets a free arm to toss out the surly Bulbasaur who cuts the pokemon duo free with its razor leaf.

Sandshrew quickly jumps up to force Meowth off of Crystal knocking the scratch-cat silly. "Thanks Sandshrew, you're a real pal!", compliments Crystal. While Pikachu looks around, Dunsparce comes charging from the pile to tackle Pikachu and send it flying. "Pikaaaaa!", shouts Pikachu as it hurtles towards a steep incline where it would fall about 100 feet. Bulbasaur doesn't like this cheap shot of its ally one bit so with its pissed off demeanor, it runs after Dunsparce into the big fray. "Pikachu, NO!", shouts Crystal as she sees poor Pikachu sailing away. But instead of mourning for the soon to be crippled rodent, she races out at top speed to going past an exceptionally slow flying Pikachu. And then just before Pikachu flies over the edge of the plateau, Crystal dives and catches Pikachu with two hands kicking up a cloud of dirt right at the edge.

Yes.... that means she's finally done it. Crystal has in fact become........... an action heroine!!!

..............

..............

.............. What?

With Pikachu saved, she asks it if it's okay and Pikachu looks up and nods grasping a new, brighter image of the girl that is currently her trainer. She then apologizes for ignoring her though she claims she definitely didn't mean it and strokes her furry (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!) rodent pokemon as she asks it if it forgives her. As Crystal asks with a wistful look on her face, Pikachu pauses and then realizes that it was all a big misunderstanding so it replies happily, "Pika!" "Oh thank you, Pikachu. I hope you never run away again!", says Pikachu as she squeezes the mouse extra tight. "You can even have whatever you want", Crystal adds to the pot of forgiveness presents. "Pika.... piiiika!", exclaims Pikachu as its red cheeks juice up as it looks at TR.

"Oh, I get it.... you want to take care of Team Rocket just like you're always used to doing, don't ya?", chuckles Crystal. "Pikachu!", responds Pikachu. "Come on, Meowth! You guys should be winning", shouts Jessie. "We actually have them outnumbered for once and you still haven't beaten them, yet!", then yells James. "Oh yeah... well why don't you battle a Dragonite en see how easy it is!", shouts back Meowth as we see Wobbuffet backing him up and Arbok and Victreebel trying to wrap around the big goofy looking orange dragon.

"Hey Team Rocket!", shouts Crystal as they turn to look at her, "You all want a piece of something??" Oh she's right... TR definitely wants a piece of something... though they may not be the same thing. "Then have a piece of this!!", she shouts. "Uh oh... dat don't sound too good fuh us", quips Meowth with eyes wide in fear watching Pikachu charge up. While TR is distracted with the fear of Pikachu, Sandshrew sneaks behind them to smash Xatu's cage and return the tribal looking bird to Najeet. "Piiiiiiiiiiiiiii-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!", yells Pikachu and next thing you know...... every single human and pokemon in TR is totally zapped as the twerps pokemon have all backed away to stay clear. Then the mandatory random explosion sends all 9 of them blasting off into the twilight.

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaaaiin!" "Wooooooobb!"

"Xatu... I was so worried!", says Najeet who thanks Misty even though she didn't really do anything. Sandshrew then reunites with Pikachu as they HUG... they HUG... and everyone there sees it. "My favorite pokemon pairing is back together!", says Cris-tal happily. "Yeah... and you can thank your commitment and determination to them for that", speaks Justin makig Crystal feel more thankful and look more happy.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon has been seen as a mail carrier that can actually leave fecal matter.)

It's Pidgey!!............................ "<chirping>"

"I'm really in your debt for rescuing my Xatu", thanks Najeet as it's worth pointing out that getting involved with the threesome got Najeet into this mess in the first place. "So what do you plan to do now, Najeet?", wonders Justin as he pets Sandshrew and Pikachu (All other pokemon are gone now). "I'm gonna go home... and also keep training with my pokemon eventually", says Najeet. "Well if you keep training at the pace you're going at, you're gonna be a great trainer", claims Justin. "You may even be another Kanto League champion, right guys?", adds Crystal as she rubs Pikachu's belly.

.................

.................

................. NO WAY... I'm not going there with the story this close to the end!

The pokemon couple agree as Najeet says goodbye to Justin and Crystal and tells her to take care of Pikachu and Sandshrew. "Don't worry... we're a team now and it's gonna bring us to the top! Isn't that right, Pikachu?", responds Crystal. "Pi-kachu!", then says Pikachu. Najeet then says good-bye to Misty as tears gush down his eyes sad that he'll never see the virtuous water trainer ever again. "It was nice to be with you, Najeet", replies Misty with a small anime sweatdrop behind her as she lectures, "Just remember to let your true character always be shown."

Hmmmm... maybe Najeet got what he battled for after all.... and we don't even know about it.

While Xatu says, "Xa-too", one more time, the announcer dude finally comes back to say that Crystal bond with her pokemon is even stronger. And that's something they can party to later tonight with a significant amount of weed and alcohol present before they get to their next gay adventure.

And the next actually could be considered pretty gay........... really.