Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 46

Hooray for poor ol' Pikachu!!! It was ignored for quite awhile by a cracked out, airheaded teenager who used another pokemon more than the yellow rodent. So after running away which ended up in Crystal saving it's life (of course), Pikachu is on the same page with Cris-tal now and both pokemon have equal star attraction billing again. And as part of making things up to Pikachu, we start this episode in front of the same Pokemon Center as last time with Pikachu's mean little sh*t side as we see it torture a pokemon for no good reason.

"Pikachu... use your return attack!", shouts Crystal as Justin calls for his Raticate to brace itself as Pikachu hits it with maximum force knocking Raticate out immediately. Crystal is very impressed with the result of Pikachu's new attack saying, "Wow Pikachu.... that was really powerful. I've never seen an attack so forceful coming from such a small little pokemon." "Well that proves that Pikachu's bond with its trainer is very strong and couldn't get any closer", replies Justin caring more about teaching the audience a pokemon lesson before caring about HIS OWN FREAKING POKEMON!!!!

"Thank you, Raticate, for helping us out with this little test here. Now I'll get you all the care you need and deserve", promises Justin as he goes inside and tells Nurse Joy to take care of his Raticate since it just got a pummeling without even getting a chance to fight back. "Alright... Chansey will take care of it right away", answers Nurse Joy calling her Chansey to do all the work for her as she goes on to interrogate him, "I saw you use Raticate out there.... are you sure about making your Raticate take punishment like that?" "I know it was a rough attack, much more powerful than I could've anticipated.... but Raticate's one of my toughest pokemon. It'll do just fine once it's treated", he adds.

"Alright.... so what are you guys planning to do next?", wonders the nurse. "Well we're going to head to the next gym shortly, but for today, we're just going to try and do something fun today", answers Justin. Misty then walks over to ask her, "Do you have any suggestions that we could all like??" "I've got just the thing", quips Nurse Joy, "This week, the city is hosting a festival of talented pokemon from all around the world." "Around the world?", wonders Misty loudly. "Why yes.... and there's gonna be all sorts of shows, performances, and other special attractions", adds Nurse Joy as we then hear some faint singing in the background by what sounds like boy band wussies (and you DO hear them... so shut up!!!), "In fact, I think I hear a concert going on right now..."

"Hey... I do hear them", claims Cris-tal as she's definitely hearing something..... though it might not be castrated young males. "And they sound cute!", gushes Misty as her cheeks turn red. "Missdreeavuuuuss!", announces Misdreavus as she pops out of her pokeball to blush over her hot, young, sexy trainer... at least in her eyes if no one else’s. "I think this festival it sounding great already", states Crystal. "I can't wait to see them!", says Misty excitedly while Misdreavus figures, "Mis-dreeee!". "Well what are we waiting for??? Let's go see them now!", requests Crystal. "Pika-pi-pikaaah!", adds Pikachu while Sandshrew stands beside it and smiles, "Saaashrew!" "Thank you Nurse Joy!!", go Crystal and Misty as they dash off with Sandshrew and Pikachu. Justin stays behind to sarcastically quip, "Yeah... thank you Nurse Joy", and then sigh, "Ayyyy... here we go again!"

<cue intro>

So Justin catches up to the stimulated girls as Misdreavus tails him looking at his sweet ass the whole way. "I hear them!! They're right around the corner!", boasts Crystal running the best she can.... and it's still not perfectly straight...... just like all the ***giggle*** rocketshippy evidence ***ungiggle*** brought up against poor James. Speaking of which, we'll get to their latest and craziest antics briefly.

But we then see the twerps turn the corner and see the crowd looking at the 'performers' on stage. "Here it is!", cries Misty. "They're up there singing.... why it's.... HUH??", gushes Crystal before the two girls pause in shock and 'huh'. Their shock is not pleasant for them as they find out the quartet behind the heavenly and perhaps queer vocals. "They're...", starts Misty as we see the performers on stage. "..... CLEFAIRIES??!", they both shout as we witness two of them along with a Clefable and a coot (ugly) lil' Cleffa lip synching pop music as they dance on stage.

"Oh", silently goes Crystal fooled into thinking she was going to see a bunch of cute little boys dance up on stage. Justin then summarizes, "Those pokemon up there are imitating a pop band like all those popular bands nowadays." "I guess this is part of the world festival of pokemon performers", sums up Misty blandly as Misdreavus raves over Justin (literally over him) some more. "But that means.... it means", starts Justin before bursting into hysterical Tony Little ab-crunching laughter, "You fell in love.... ha ha.. in love.. ha ha HAAAA... with the voices of Clefairies. AAAAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! YOU FELL FOR CLEFAIRY.... BOTH OF YOU. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH... HAHAAA... HAHAHAHAAAA....", and then continues to burst a gut laughing momentarily while Misdreavus still croons, "Miiiiss-dreeee."

I guess you can pretty much see what's happening next......... DOUBLE WHAP!!!

Justin ends up seeing Staryus spinning around while laying dizzy on the ground after getting assaulted by the two pissed off pokemon divas. "CAN IT!!!", they both yell. "I do have to admit, that is some talent for those Clefairies to sing like that", quips Crystal as Sandshrew adds a 'shrew' onto that. Misty adds, "Even that Clefable looks like it's gettin' down." "...and is that a baby Clefairy onstage with them??", wonders Crystal. "Baby Clefairy??!!", wonders Justin getting up dizzy with bruises and even pre-placed bandages on his face, "Oh you mean Cleffa!" "Cleffa?", wonders Crystal who's only heard about it from her nurse training about a dozen times in her life. Thus, enter the Dexter...

Cleffa - the Starshape Pokemon - Because of Cleffa's unusual, star-like silhouette, people believe that Cleffa, came here, on a meteor.

Crystal hmmmm's as Misty claims that it's hard to believe that those pokemon actually sound like humans. Then.... a REAL treat.... we get to hear the Clefairy group sing a little...

"You are the sunshine that brightens my day" (Cleffa)"Sunshine... suu-uunnshiiinne!"
"Girl, you make sure that I always fiiind my way" (Clefairy #1)"Fiiiind my waaaayy!"
"Ah yeah, baby!..... Baby! You maaaake my daaay!"

Then there's a round of applause from the mostly female crowd in attendance as one of the Clefairies then tells the audience, "Thank you everybody. We really appreciate your applause!", as more applause starts up for them. "I'm sure there's somebody out in this audience that would like us to dedicate one of our songs to their special somebody out there, ain't I right?", then 'says' the Clefairy as more cheers rain upon them. "Mis-drreee!", says Misdreavus from the back of the crowd as she see this as her opportunity to float up there and dedicate something to the love of her life.

As she floats up to the stage which is a perk for being a ghost pokemon since bouncers and guards can't stop you, Justin and the others in the threesome notice her floating up to the stage. "Huh?...... Misdreavus??", wonders Justin as he then figures out that she's heading for a very special no-no place............................... the stage!!! Well...... um.... what were you thinking about when I mentioned the no-no place??? Justin they yells out, "Hey Misdreavus, you can't go up there!"

Misdreavus floats onto the stage getting in front of the Clefairy group as a young woman just off stage with a microphone next to her wonders, "What is that pokemon doing up there?" "Misdreavus!! Come back here! That stage is for those pokemon", yells Justin as the threesome and co. elbow and push their way to the front of the crowd. But Misdreavus just smiles back and says, "Misdreeeavus!" Justin then stands there embarrassed while the crowd looks on in confused silence. Misty and Crystal then follow suit behind him as Pikachu and Sandshrew scamper around the legs of everyone.

The desiring ghost pokemon then floats around the stage as the young kiddies point out the rare ghost pokemon. "Misdreavus", yells Justin as a security guard asks him if Misdreavus is his and Justin confirms him and requests that he step over the barricade so he can call back his pokemon. So rather than be a normal security guard that acts all mean and scary with oversized muscles, the guard lets him jump over and then Justin needs one more small step before he calls back Misdreavus into his pokeball looking kind of annoyed but trying to keep it bottled up just like most guys do.

For example, like me........... I'm a guy in case you thought otherwise!

"What's going on here?", wonders the woman who was near the mic just before. Terribly embarrassed, Justin apologizes about Misdreavus claiming that she's his newest pokemon and that she still has training 'issues' to work out. "It's alright.... I've gone through that myself before", laughs the woman kind of acting like a coquet... or a flirt for all you simpletons. She then identifies herself as Cindy and the mastermind behind the Clefairy singers performing as Justin then compliments on how pretty her name is keeping his request for lovin' short and simple unlike Brock who carries on and on and on and on like most of you are familiar with watching earlier Pokemon episodes.

Justin wipes the sweat aside avoiding more embarrassment before Cindy tells Justin that all those pokemon up on stage are lip synching to tunes by anime-invented boy band Golden Sweetness. "Oh yeah... I've heard of them. They've gone triple platinum at least four times courtesy of fanatic pre-teen girls", remembers Justin. Cindy also tells them that she's the group's manager and helps them book venues and then asks what he does. Justin replies that he's a pokemon trainer and since he's talking to a pretty young woman about the same age as he, he sells all his strong points (i.e.: Johto League finalist, Crystal's current coach, Dragonite and Kabutops, his successful record...). He then tells her that all his pokemon are totally loyal and highly obedient.

"Yeah...", replies Cindy skeptically, ".... just like your Misdreavus." "UUUUGGGH", moans Justin with a sweatdrop, " ...except for Misdreavus so far I mean... heh heh heh" Cindy probably sees Justin as flakey but she's a man's woman who wastes no time. It's proven when she's asking Justin, "If you wanna come back to our rented bus and meet me and find out more about the group, you're welcome to do so anytime after 3 pm today." And of course, Justin accepts her offer to meet her saying, "That would be great!" Now that's OUR type of woman....

So we all know what's goin' down at 3 pm, don't we??

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.............. So later that day, Justin is there with Cindy... but so is all his friends, Sandshrew and Pikachu, and the lip synching Clefairy group. But who knows..... maybe they got it on earlier when Justin might have gotten a chance to sneak away from the girls. Cindy greets Justin and is glad he made it as Justin then introduces the rest of the twerps and their significance to this series before they start firing questions at her. "So you do your act with tapes and voiceovers.... that's pretty amazing", states Justin as Pikachu and Sandshrew go talk to the two Clefairies, Clefable, and Cleffa. "Yes.... I'm the one that was speaking when Clefairy was talking. And for the songs, we just use tapes", answers Cindy. "So those pokemon are really lip-synching and dancing in time to the song. That's amazing!!", concludes Misty who was once controlled by commands from the former all-evil Togepi, "How did you get them to do that?"

Cindy tells her that it takes a lot of practice and choreography to make her pokemon appear to be the real thing adding that one misstep could ruin the entire act. And hey....... doesn't Milli Vanilli know about that???!! "Well I must say... these are the coolest Clefairies and Clefable that I've ever seen", compliments Justin perhaps acknowledging that they get plenty of Clefairy booty. "I was especially impressed with this Cleffa doing all that singing and dancing", comments Crystal who must be feeling like she's in another acid trip.

But then again.... it's gettin' to be around 4:20 there so things may just get a little more cwazy for her.

"Oh... this little guy here is Seth... I'm proud of my entire group but I have to admit that I'm most proud of him. He's so young and yet, he's learned all of the words and moves in such a short period of time", explains Cindy who then picks up the lucky little guy as she then baby talks to him and rubs him as she smiles widely looking right at the giggling Cleffa. "What about the rest of your group?? Is there any distinction among them other than the different evolutionary stages of Cleffa?", asks Justin. Cindy replies that Seth the Cleffa does soprano (and not the mob family from that HBO series), William the first Clefairy with the lighter pink 'sings' alto, while Chance the darker pink Clefairy 'sings' tenor, and Seye (pronounced 'Shay') the Clefable 'sings' bass.

"They're organized just like a choir", notes Misty as Justin tells Cindy that this world pokemon festival craziness must be their biggest act of the year. "Oh it definitely is... and we're here to try and gain as many fans as possible", says Cindy. "Well", laughs Justin, "You certainly made fans out of these two", referring to Misty and Crystal. And the girls, instead of ripping every bone out of Justin's body in embarrassment, they don't act up in front of company and Crystal complies that the singing did draw them near. Misty then asks them if the group has a name and Cindy responds that they were thinking about the name Cleffaz II Clefablez but she thought the name was too gangsta and thought up the shorter catchier name of.... The Bass Cleffs.

"Say Cindy... we have the rest of the night free. Is there anything that we can do that you want.... anything you want", proposes Justin as he gets real close and personal to Cindy. "Why certainly...", answers Cindy with a smile as Justin gets really excited.

Say............. we might have a satisfied Justin customer here!!!

"... the pokemon world festival is going on all through this week and I think it would be a magnificent idea to take your friends and our pokemon and go to the big circus going on tonight. Doesn't that sound good?", responds Cindy. "Oh yeah.... that's great!", smiles Justin, "..... much better idea than a date. Um... that's not what.. uh... I was suggesting... if that's what you thought." "Oh don't worry... a date with you would go as far as 'Wanna see my Dragonite?'", mocks Cris-tal giggling. Misty then adds, "And your gourmet meal would be cheese sandwich..." Justin then laughs nervously before telling Cindy, "Aren't these kids so inventive??"

We then cut to a talent show where other pokemon are performing novelty acts in front of a couple hundred people. "Thank you, everybody. We hope you're all having a great time at this year's world talented pokemon festival", intros the host dude with brown hair and sparkling blue Hollywood jacket. Surprisingly though, the jacket doesn't make him look too gay...... though the jacket itself is pretty gay. He then introduces the next act consisting of a Hitmontop who can juggle things while spinning upside down.

But backstage, we witness the predatorily group of Jessie, James, and Meowth peeking out from a chest of costumes.... it's Team Rocket's turn to put on a show. And we know how they can put on a show.... let alone steal the show. Jessie laughs before stating, "Tonight marks the dawn of a grand spectacle that we'll present and it'll lead us to fame." "We'll steal our own complete coicus", adds Meowth. "And audiences everywhere will never know where it came from", previews James. “But dey’ll soon find out where it’s goin’”, adds Meowth surreptitiously.

The lights go off as Hitmontop begins to spin on it's head probably causing severe hidden brain damage as it spins to the tune of the Sabre Dance (for all you young, uneducated people, it's that really crazy number that plays sometimes when people go loony). Somebody then rolls out a blue lacrosse ball about 10 centimeters in diameter which Hitmontop amazingly catches and then spins off the top of. The Hitmontop then repeats the process with a softball, a dinner plate, and even a Geodude holding it up by one finger. Then suddenly all the lights go out briefly and when the spotlights come back on........... ho boy!!

We see Jessie dancing in some kind flamenco style with the exact same dancing attire she had in Flower Power as James...... oh yes, my children.... James has THE tutu on as he does his glad pirouettes to the left the main act. And yes, it's the tutu from the same episode as Jessie's flamenco outfit. AH YES....... feel teh gheynicity in the air!!! The Sabre Dance music still plays as our heroes dance away to it while the audience (the twerps aren't in this audience) cheers on thinking that J & J are back-up dancers. To wrap things up, Meowth then comes out as all the lights then go out again. When the lights come back on, the music stops as TR crashes Hitmontop and Geodude into their cage as the unsuspecting crowd applauds the outstanding entertainment of the entire act. "I don't believe it.... it was a smashing success!", gushes Jessie. "Well dis success ain't gonna be nuttin' compared to da otha acts we're gonna steal 'en put tuhgetha fuh our show!", sums up Meowth as they stand proudly in front of their capture in the cage.

Later that evening, the twerps and Cindy with her fake pokemon group arrive at their seats in the pokemon circus as they bump aside the fat people to get to their seats. "This is gonna be so cool", Crystal tells Sandshrew and Pikachu who then thanks Cindy for getting them the tickets they don't deserve to get into the venue. "It's no problem", replies Cindy with Seth-uh the Cleffa on her lap. "Clefairy!", says Clefairy William in the seat next to her which perhaps explains why Justin isn't gettin' any from Cindy. The black ringmaster guy comes out with clown make-up on his face and welcomes everyone to the circus (applause), gives an intro, promotes a brand name jambalaya rice so he can make a living, and then introduces us to the first act..... a trapeze show involving Aipoms, Mankeys, and Primeapes (more applause).

The lights dim as the mentioned pokemon perform a dizzying array of swings, throws, catches, gymnastics and flips as they swing high above the ground with a safety net below so no pokemon god forbid............. dies!!! After an applause for the first set of routines by the pokemon, into the spotlight we see Jessie and James in shower caps and the tightest of blue gym tights that show every curve and bulge (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!). as they get ready to move in with the pokemon. "If they think this is a great show, wait till they see the stunts we add to it...", says Jessie in a sexy tone of voice and an evil grin.

So shortly after that, J & J begin to sail through the air on their respective trapezes with style that's TR always requires out of itself as Meowth removes the net below with scissors to the concern of the audience. "Hey... something just removed that safety net", notices Misty. "They're probably adding to the drama... a gutsy move!", analyzes Justin. After one of the Mankeys make it into the hands of a Primeape hanging upside-down on the adjacent trapeze, Jessie then lures them to her trapeze. So both pokemon sail over to her and she catches the two pokemon. And when all of them reach the lowest point, Jessie drops them to the shock of everyone. But instead of landing with a thud on the ground, the pokemon fall through a cardboard trap door leading to an unknown location. An Aipom then tries to grab another trapeze with its ass arm, but James beats the ass armed thing to the trapeze and it ends up falling through the floor as well.

"What was that??", wonders Crystal. "It must be some escape route for the performers", comments Justin. "That's funny... I don't remember this being a part of April's act nor do I recognize those two with them. I guess she threw it in at the last second... April and her crazy ideas", quips Cindy. The last remaining swinging pokemon continue to perform high-flying aerial maneuvers until Jessie and James meet them in the middle and grab them with James on top and Jessie hanging onto the bottom. They look so gleeful as they let go right over the hole hanging onto the pokemon with ecstatic smiles on their faces as they all disappear through the ground leading to applause from everyone including the twerps.

"Something about that act seemed very weird....", hints Misty. "Yeeeeaaah.... y'know, I swear I saw those two guys before", adds Justin as they all stand and applaud. Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu also clap but appear kind of puzzled by what they just saw as the Bass Cleffs jump up and down in excitement about the show.

<cue intro> Who's that pokemon?? (This is the evolved form of the pokemon that looks like the twin of that red digimon.)

It's Charmeleon!! ............................ "Chaaaaarrr!!"

Rather than waste the rest of the night watching pointless pokemon acts, we skip ahead to the next morning where the twerps have thanked Cindy and the Bass Cleff group for inviting them to breakfast at the local buffet adding that they all need to fill up and get fat so they'll be ready for their second performance later toady. "This French Toast is terrific!", gleams Justin. "Hah... well these waffles are even better!! I can pig out on them like Ash normally pigs out on his meals!", replies Misty. "Speaking of Ash, I'll go call him now from that videophone and let him know how we're doing. I haven't spoken to him in awhile... let's talk to him, Pikachu!", says Cris-tal. "Pikachu!", agrees Pikachu immediately as they race over to the videophone near the restrooms.

"Hello, Ash?", wonders Crystal as the video comes on to reveal Ash and..... uh oh.... he's in bed and looks pretty ill. "Oh my... Ash, you don't look so hot", says Cris-tal half-baked. "Pikachu!!! How are you, buddy?", asks Ash and Pikachu and Sandshrew shout back to him, "Well, I've just gotten sick so I have to stay rested and not do anything for a few days", replies Ash. "Well I have some news that'll cheer you up", says Crystal. "Uhhhh... What do you mean?", asks Ash being the only person in the universe that doesn't get it. Well the big news??... Crystal just tells him that he's got four badges now and that she and Pikachu are getting along better than ever and has even taught Pikachu a couple new attacks.

"That sounds great", replies Ash who's too crippled in every dimension to think that there might have been a rift at one point between Crystal and Pikachu. He then gets a look at the pretty golden badges that Crystal owns and states, ".... and those badges look so cool. It's so not fair.... I want to be pokemon battling again." Crystal calms down the still whiny young teenager and tells him not to worry or get down. She then brings out the rest of her pokemon who all look into the vidphone except for Totodile who just shakes and dances around. "We're all pulling for you to recover so don't do anything rash, okay Ash?", admonishes Crystal. "Okay guys", responds Ashy-boy before Officer Jenny comes in and says something to Cindy which makes her react, "That's hideous.... why would anyone do that?"

"Uh oh... I think something's happening. I'd better go", states Crystal, "Take it easy, Ash. Please!" This makes Ash holla back, "You have nothing to worry about, Crystal. I know how smart and capable you are", as the videophone goes off.

So Crystal's..... capable.... huh, Ash? I guess thou can make of that what thy will.

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Or not care and keep their minds in the gutta.

"What's going on, Officer Jenny?", wonders Crystal as she goes back over to her crew with all her pokemon following and dancing behind her. "There's been a group of thieves that have been stealing pokemon in the midst of their acts by pretending to be part of the act", explains Justin. "That includes the trapeze performers we saw last night... they disappeared from their trainers", adds Misty. Officer Jenny then states, "The only glimpses of the suspects were of one man with blue hair and one woman with red hair that came onto the stage appearing to be part of the act when in fact they were just decoys. At least 3 to 4 entire acts have been stolen resulting in the disappearance of at least a dozen pokemon. That's why I'm here to give all the trainers of the festival pokemon to be on high guard during their acts today."

All of Jenny's investigations and she doesn't even have an exact number of stolen acts. No wonder why they pay her all that money!!!! Pretty soon the Officer Jenny's will be just as spoiled and unrealistic as Major League Baseball players.

Crystal then wonders who Team Rocket would Team Rocket sink Team Rocket so Team Rocket low Team Rocket to Team Rocket rob Team Rocket dedicated Team Rocket trainers Team Rocket of Team Rocket their Team Rocket gifted Team Rocket pokemon. "It's ruining this whole festival and we don't have a clue about any of the culprits other than what I mentioned before", says Officer Jenny who yes.... has no clue... just doesn't have one. "That altered bit of work we saw last night with the trapeze wasn't part of my colleague April's act", explains Cindy going into a little about how the f*ck she knows this April in the first place. "Well was there anything noticeable about that altered act last night that anyone saw?", wonders Crystal.

"Clefable", says Seye the Clefable slowly and would be an enormous help if anyone knew what it was actually saying. "Well I did happen to notice that a Meowth cutting one of the corners of the safety net last night", remembers Cindy as Seth the Cleffa and Chance the Clefairy look up curiously at her. "A Meowth??", wonders Justin. "... and a red-haired woman and blue-haired man", adds Misty as the threesome is taking a little bit of time to piece everything together. Justin even pictures them in his head and counts them off while Crystal can only think of chemically altered versions of the possible criminals. "Hmmmm", goes Misty until the threesome finally get it as indicated their unnecessarily loud shout of disbelief. "AAAAAHHHHHH! TEAM ROCKET!!!", they all shout. "Pikachu!!/San-shrew shrew!!", shout the two pokemon next to each other.

"You'd have to figure it'd be the likes of them behind something like that", shouts Misty. "Yeah... and who else would choose to look so ridiculous while pulling off their scheme", adds Justin. But hey....... what Justin calls ridiculous, dodgers call entertaining and humorous. "Well they have to be stopped somehow!", proclaims Crystal. "San-shrew!", adds Sandshrew staunchly as Officer Jenny tells them that they don't know how or where they might show up again. "And who knows which act they're going to choose to heist next", then says Justin as we see Cyndaquil snoozin' and Totodile hoppin' around in the background.

"Hmmmm", ponders Crystal, "When is the next show scheduled for, Officer Jenny?" "There's a music show that's scheduled for 10 am", replies Jenny too stupid to probably figure out that the robbers will be there. "Well we better get there to keep an eye on them. Officer Jenny.. make sure there's as much security presence possible at all the shows", commands Crystal screwing the authorities like she usually does except this time... drugs aren't involved. "I'll have my entire crew there", responds Officer Jenny. "The group and I were planning to attend that show anyway so we'll also keep an eye out for Team Rocket", mentions Cindy. "Clefairy Clefairy", tells the two Clefairies to the entire group.

"Thank you, Cindy. In fact, we'll all come with you.... even me!", beams Justin with a bright smile. "Mis-dreeeeaavus!", shouts Misdreavus happily as she eagerly pops out of her pokeball while all Justin can do at the moment is look annoyed at his slutty ghost pokemon. "I figured he was going to pull that...", quips Crystal as Misty agrees. During their sighs of here-we-go-again, we see that Pikachu is smiling extra brightly for some ungodly unbeknownst reason. Perhaps Sandshrew felt it up while no one was watching.....

So later on that morning, the twerps all arrive to the musical show and the woman emcee welcomes them and tells the audience to enjoy the show and junk. So after the applause and the sight of the massive security presence, they begin the program with a few Squirtles playing these bell instruments with their water guns. Okay..... what-ever! "I don't understand why this is so much different from the concerts you hold, Cindy. Are The Bass Cleffs really that big to have their own show?", wonders Justin who's probably wrong since he himself has never heard of the Bass Cleffs. "It's not really that... there's a difference between our show and the shows of these pokemon", explains Cindy. "What could that be?", wonders Misty. "Well while my group just sings and dances, these pokemon out here use instruments and their natural pokemon abilities to play them... like those Squirtles water gunning the bells you see on stage", she explains. "Aaaahhh... very insightful", says Justin who happily slouches towards Cindy until he loses his smile when Misdreavus interjects in between them.

A few acts later, there's a group of about 6 to 7 Miltanks getting ready to play their drums as they take their drumsticks into their hands and sit down in front of their different looking drums. "Hmmm... Team Rocket hasn't shown up yet. Maybe they got scared off by the security", figures Crystal. "Or maybe they're just not planning to steal any acts from this show...", then wonders Misty. "Who knows what those dastardly three may be planning...", responds Crystal, "..so let's not get bored and miss anything." Cindy then tells them that the Bass Cleffs have to rehearse not singing for their performance later today and that she'll see them later. "Alright Cindy.... we'll be there... and watch out for Team Rocket", advises Crystal. "We will", assures Cindy as she, Seth, William, Chance, and Seye all proceed to exit for the moment.

And wouldn't you know it, shortly after the Bass Cleff crew departs, a male underling officer to Officer Jenny shouts of an alert of a guy struggling to bag some stray wandering pokemon that was supposed to perform. "Oh no!", shouts Officer Jenny. "It's probably Team Rocket!", alerts Crystal as Misty encourages them to let's go. Thus we see Officer Jenny leading all the law enforcement to the scene of the disturbance leaving the show itself unguarded and vulnerable.

Once again..... it's why they deserve all that money and admiration of the young 'uns. And so they all venture outside the stage area to where they see James trying to bag what looks like a performance pokemon. "I've got you now, you little showstopper... you won't get away from meee!", proclaims James as he shows off his bulging muscles trying to pull in his sack (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!)... of pokemon talent. "Stop right there, James!!", shouts Crystal as Misty very pointlessly points out that the trapped pokemon must be in there. "Let go of that pokemon this instant!", warns Officer Jenny.

"UUuuunnnggghhh.... stop... trying to fight it, we're going make you a Team Rocket star whether you want to or not!", grunts James as he tries to pull the bag but his puny muscles seem to not be working for him. "Don't worry... I'll fix this and get them out", proclaims Crystal as she throws out Bulbasaur to make short work of this loony scene. It cuts through James's heavy sack with its razor leaf (EWWWWWWWWWWWW... I SAID GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!) angirly determined to end TR's malarchy. James goes flying with the handle of the bag while out the other end flies Wobbuffet shouting, "WOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUHH!", before smashing into a nearby wall.

"It's a Wobbuffet", notices Officer Jenny as Wobbuffet lies dazed at the base of the wall dizzy from it's crash. "Waaaaiit a minute.... that's Team Rocket's Wobbuffet, isn't it?", suspects Justin. "Wooooooooooobbbuuuhhffet", confirms Wobbuffet with a smile and a salute. "<coughing> Officer Jenny, there's been an ambush inside at the show", informs another male police officer running out from the building, "The whole stage area is covered with smoke <more coughing>!" Misty gasps, "Team Rocket's inside!" "This whole struggle was a fallacy and a diversion to get all of our attention away from the show", groans Crystal. So they all run inside to see the chaos unfurling as James and Wobbuffet follow behind the twerps.

Inside, the smoke is choking everyone in the building as Misty complains that she can't see a thing that's going on while she's coughing. Crystal meanwhile, is standing there unusually calm and somehow able to breathe in the smoky air. Seems like she's had quite a bit of practice, eh? Let's see 4Kids try and explain THAT.... they'll probably try to pass it off (unsuccessfully) as a missed animation frame where Crystal should be performing her nursing duties. Some learning she did at her little hospital!!

Justin then partially restores calm when he sends out his almost ignored Hoothoot to whirlwind the smoke away (singlehandedly no less... must be more lazy script writing). "Hoot hooooooooot!" chirps Hoothoot before beating its wings to reveal the stage being emptied. "My Miltanks!!! Where are they??", screams a worried middle-aged brunette woman with a bad wrinkle problem....... or to put her simply.... a Botox poster child. "There they are", points out Crystal and Pikachu as they see them inside a cage as Team Rocket was kind enough to put grass on the floor of the cage. "You can't get away from us, this time! We have this entire place surrounded", announces Officer Jenny on her megaphone she pulled out of her ass.

What??..... It's not like any noticed anyone give it to her....

TR then laughs as Jessie then tells them....
"Don't think we're in trouble, lady, we're just way to clever"
"We razmatazzed all these kiddie shows double and made them so much better"
Jessie comes out on a giant playground swing dressed as the cutest southern belle. Thankfully, she maintains her hair style and accent to avoid frightful visions of Jessiebell for poor old James. And speaking of James, he comes out on his own giant swing opposite of Jessie as they swing back and forth during their motto.

But even better than that.....is the outfit that James is wearing. He's got a short white undershirt on that doesn't go down to his belt and yes... it exposes his belly button. Add to that a blue beret, a small blue overcoat, and tight blue khaki pants a few sizes too small for him and you've got him without a shadow of a doubt.... the silliest outfit for a criminal to wear in any given situation whether they be gay or straight!!!

But to sum up this James outfit.... his clothes are basically for a 7 year old boy. Now back to our regularly scheduled twist on the TR motto.

"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation", they continue to swing on the giant swings they got for themselves.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie", Jessie flies off the swing to the floor.
"James", James also lands a stylish 2 point landing with his tight-ass little boy costume. It probably reminded him of his earlier days when he was busy playing with doilies and getting beaten up by bullies wondering all the while why his pants were doing funny things. Ahem..
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight"
"Meeeeeeowth, that's right!", announces Meowth from high up on the catwalk above the stage.

"You clowns.... what are you doing with all these trainer's circus acts?!", demands Crystal. "It's simple", replies Jessie. "We're actually doing them a favor. We've handpicked them to join our pokemon circus. They'll make millions with our new creative ideas.... well okay, we'll make millions off it, not the pokemon. But they'll still get adequately fed so they can perform for us. Well.... alright only on days when they have to perform. But they'll all be loved as much as we will be", explains James oh so insightfully. But Officer Jenny responds to him in a risque statement, "The only show you'll be putting on is a jailshow for kidnapping and pokemon laundering."

Whatever pokemon laundering means.... but what kind of show do you think Officer Jenny meant James would face if any of those fatass cops actually had the wit to arrest them? Hmmmm...

"Well twerps or no twerps... I'm not going to get caught here and have another one of my dreams shattered", states Jessie. "I'm afraid that won't happen today. Officers.... arrest them!!", orders Officer Jenny again doing nothing herself. "Meowth, smoke them out", commands Jessie. "Hah hah hah. Dey oughta air dis on Fox en see how coppuhs do battlin' smoke from dis baby", laughs Meowth as he flips a switch for a hose that emits a dark smoke that must've obviously covered the stage (unless the god awful stench driven acidic Roseanne smelling monstrosity Weezing was not around James and near the stage area but mercifully for our noses and eyes, apparently not).

Meowth aims the hose of smoke at the officers charging for J & J to cover them up so they can't do anything.... just like they were doing before. "Where are all those pokemon you stole?", yells Misty. Jessie replies that they're safe and sound near their secret pokemon carrier case. "You mean your little Meowth balloon that we managed to catch a glimpse of outside while you were using your diversion?", quips Justin busting Jessie's secret just like that. "Errrrr.... well... lucky guess", she groans to herself while Misdreavus floats up above Justin to look astutely at this possible contender for Justin's affections. Jessie then resumes, "But it's irrelevant what those talented pokemon like these cash cows (referring to the drummer Miltanks) are headed to cuz you're not gonna stop us this time!"

James seems eager to take on Justin so he follows on Jessie's declaration by saying, "Stop the twerps' show, Victreebell.” This triggers the normally expected attack to James head with James's punchline of, "This is no time for a comedy routine!", while also muttering some strange James noises. "Well we'll see about that! RATICATE.... I CHOOOSE.... UUUGGHHH...", yells Justin before abruptly halting. "What's wrong, Justin?", wonders Crystal. "I forgot that Raticate is still recovering at the Pokemon Center", says Justin triggering a nervous sweatdrop from the two girls. "Misss-dreeeeeeee", wonders Misdreavus as Hoothoot stands perched in front of Justin trying its darndest not to suck. So Justin calls upon Misdreavus to go fight TR and of course, the horny ghost pokemon is more than eager to battle for her #1 flame.

James demonstrates his lack of brain power when he tries to have Victreebel tackle a ghost pokemon.... but hey, what more could from him after all we've seen over the years. Misdreavus floats right through the tackle attempt and then uses her shadow ball to send away Victreebel. James frets for Victreebel as Jessie yells for Dunsparce to get out there. Dunsparce makes its little noise before its curiosity gets the better of it so it goes exploring around the stage making Jessie stutter, "H-huh??!" "Totodile! I choose you" shouts Crystal as she brings out her crazy little water friend who happily dances and motors around in front of the crowd there.

But Totodile gets a little too crazy and gets away from Crystal while dancing. Crystal then approaches Totodile at thte front of the stage while Jessie approaches her curious Dunsparce slithering around the rear of the stage. Both trainers then tell their pokemon, "Stop that! It's time to battle." Totodile uses its bite attack to sink his teeth into the land snake pokemon forcing tears from its eyes. "Dunsparce, get it off you!", shouts Jessie. "I'll hafta get dat gatuh off myself", proclaims Meowth as he begins to spray more smoke at Totodile getting its attention and letting go of Dunsparce. "Haaaaaaah hah haaah... don't let smoke get in ya eyes Totuhdile!", teases Meowth. Justin then has Misdreavus use a thunder attack which knocks out power to the smoke machine and shocks Meowth from the catwalk to the floor.

Dunsparce uses its swift attack to get Totodile from behind after it cheered wildly for Meowth's crash. Totodile then fights back with water gun washing away the snakey pokemon. But after James has Victreebel attack Totodile with its razor leaf and Dunsparce rebounds to poison Misdreavus, both twerps' pokemon are stunned. This causes James to celebrate and exclaim with the gayest of exclamations saying, "Oooooohhh.... We got 'em good, that time!" "JAMES, CUT THAT OUT AND LET'S GET OUT OF HERE WHILE WE HAVE A CHANCE!!!", shouts Jessie loudly. "Roger", replies James all too quickly as Jessie, James, Meowth, Wobbuffet, Dunsparce, and Victreebel try to escape through the fire exit as James pulls the cage of Miltanks on wheels so that they can actually move them.

But then.... as TR is escaping... we hear the oh so tranquil and sexy voice of the one, the only....... Enrique Iglesias??!! Oh well... we hear someone like him begin to sing, "If ya feeeeel like leaving.... I'm not gonna let you leave." "Wat in Meowth's name is goin' on here?", wonders Meowth as the slightly altered song continues. "And soooooon you'll be finding... you can run, you can hide escape from us!!", finishes the chorus. "From who?", wonders James. And out of the shadows come all four members of The Bass Cleffs and Cindy with a boombox. William the Clefairy then continues lip synching to Team Rocket as Officer Jenny wonders strangely, "What is that?" "Hey, Cindy's back", effortlessly points out Justin as Misty adds that her group of Clefairy type pokemon have also returned.

"Aaahhhhhhhhh", gushes Jessie, "A group of singing and performing Clefairies.... and there's a rare Clefable in there to boot!" "And that little Cleffa is extra cuddly and valuable", adds James getting even more cute over little baby pokemon. "So you're the troublemaking three that have stolen all those acts! Well you're not going to get your hands on my act!", shouts Cindy taking possession perhaps unwillingly of the moneymaking group.

Oh well... she may be attractive and smart but I guess even Cindy can't escape from being a capitalist whore.

"Maybe you'll reconsiduh aftuh ya see some uh da moves we put on", states Meowth. "Wooooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet!", agrees Wobbuffet saluting and ready to break it down. Hee hee hee.... "Oh really... Well I doubt you have any idea of how to really break it down, isn't that right crew?", responds Cindy. "Clefairy/Clefable/Cleffa!", agree each Bass Cleffs member. Cindy then instructs the group to 'break it down' after Meowth leads the pokemon into trying to grab a final act for their circus.

All the pokemon are dancing around the attempts of TR to knock them down and capture them. "Look at them move!", shouts Crystal happily. "Pikachu", adds Pikachu as Sandshrew stays close to Pikachu's sweet ass. "What's Cleffa doing?", wonders Justin. "He's dancing", sullenly answers Misty as Justin continues, "I mean... what is Cleffa doing with his hands?" Well what Cleffa is doing with his hands is.... he's wagging his fingers back and forth while shucking and jiving, dodging TR all the while. Meowth is all caught up in the attempt to bag The Bass Cleffs shouting while jumping around, "Come... OOONN. Ya can't uhscape from me fuhevaaa!!.... Ungh... aha... gotcha Cleffa!" Meowth laughs as he holds Seth in his hands. But then Seth stops wagging his fingers as they start to glow making Meowth say, "Ohh??"

Cleffa then uses his metronome which instills some kind of new energy into Team Rocket. "Uhhh... did Seth the Cleffa just use an attack?", wonders Crystal getting a little ansy since it must've been awhile since she smoked last. "That's odd, I've never seen Seth use metronome before", states Cindy looking on as she still holds the boombox which is playing cheesy N*SYNC beats that the Bass Cleffs have been dancing to. "Ohh James..... are you feeling.. a lot more powrful and capable all of a sudden?", wonders Jessie feeling very odd. "Why yes... I could probably take on all those Clefairies myself", answers James. "Meowth too... dey're no match fuh me. Let's get 'em guys!", Meowth tells J & J as well as Dunsparce, Victreebel, and Wobbuffet (though Wobbuffet can only smile and salute... but that's a good enough job for our favorite blue guy) to 'let's knock 'em for a loop' since all of them were attacked by Cleffa's metronome.

Believe it or not, they're so focused that they actually do knock down the Bass Cleffs with really powerful tackles. "Oh no... are you guys alright??!", wonders Cindy as TR takes possession of the Bass Cleffs while Officer Jenny and the other cops stand there and not even use their weapons or anything letting the little kiddies sort out their own differences. Once again.... so worth the taxpayer's money. "BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAAAAAAAAH... I warned you that we couldn't be stopped. "Dat's right... en not even dat steel metal door ken stop us", proclaims Meowth. "And we don't have to open it, we can burst right through it with our sheer strength... cuz we are the mighty Team Rocket!! Mwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!", laughs James as he goes all crazy. "Woooooooobbbuuuuhhffet!", adds Wobbuffet with the utmost patience and confidence.

Oh James....... YOU SO CRAZY!!!

"What is up with dem?", figures Crystal sounding ghetto as Sandshrew looks puzzled trying to figure out the crazy, stylish minds of TR. "It's like Cleffa used a swagger attack on TR making them overconfident to the point where they're confused", details Justin unknowingly giving away what actually happened to TR as Misdreavus smiles over Justin. "We're breakin' out", declares Jessie as TR gets their limbs motorin' as........................ CRASH!!!! TR slams into the steel door knocking them silly. "Ow... I feel very lightheaded right about now...", mutters Jessie all conked out from bumping into the door. "Don't worry... we have a way ta getaway. I just dunno which way is in or not... uunnnngghhh", states Meowth wobbling around as we see the rest of TR spilled on the ground.

This crash of confusion allows the Bass Cleffs to get free and go back to Cindy who welcomes them back. "Thank goodness you guys are safe", expresses Cindy. Team Rocket continues to lay around being confused and crazy like a bunch of silly willies (I'VE SAID IT ENOUGH!). And instead of Officer Jenny going forward to arrest them, she let's Crystal and her crew deal with important criminal activity on their own terms. So she quickly has Sandshrew and Totodile use their attacks to send TR flying through the stage roof.

"Aaaaahhh... I'm getting sand in my eyes!", complains Jessie as TR is blasting while they're still confused. "I like this silty feelin of sand en watuh batween my finguhs", claims Meowth. "Wheeeee.... we're flying!", proclaims James happily, "But why?" "I don't know but I hope we land in Palm Springs", quips Jessie. "What will we do till den?", wonders Meowth. "Well I guess it looks like Team Rocket's doing somethiiiing!", shouts Jessie as they fly away. "Wooooooooooooobbbuuuhh", finishes Wobbuffet as their star twinkles a little brighter than normal.

"Well Sandshrew and Totodile, it looks like you ended Team Rocket's show with a big success. Isn't that right, Pikachu?", says Crystal who turns to Pikachu and pets it a little. "Pikaaaa!", answers Pikachu as FINALLY, Officer Jenny decides to actually perform a function of her job and have the others and her free the captured pokemon acts that TR stole with incredible flair and style that should have let them keep those talented pokemon. As Justin directs them to TR's stranded balloon, Crystal then turns to Cindy and thanks her and her Clefairy group saying, "We couldn't have stopped Team Rocket without you guys, thanks!" "Oh... it ain't nothing. We figured with all the commotion happening here, we thought we could lend a hand to you guys", replies Cindy, "But Seth here is one responsible for ultimately beating Team Rocket."

"A big day for a big cutie!", gushes Misty as she baby talks to Seth the Cleffa who responds, "Cleffa", perhaps sick of being treated like a little baby. Crystal then is relieved that they can finally relax (which probably means blaze a little) before enjoying The Bass Cleffs encore concert. "We'll be waiting for you", says Cindy as her pokemon smile as the threesome unaware of what state of mind they'll be in now that they'll get a little chance to 'relax' before the concert...... just like what was witnessed before the Nas/Wu-Tang/Onyx concert we witnessed I'm sure.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (It can cause epileptic seizures without the aid of polygonal shapes. Be scared!)

It's Porygon 2!........................... <robotically> "Porygon 2!"

Later on that day, Crystal and co. are newly baked as they wait anxiously for The Bass Cleffs to perform their encore show. It seems though as if Cindy was too cheap to get her new friends front row seat.... what an ass! "I hope Cindy got her gang ready with the limited practice time she had stopping Team Rocket", says Cris-tal smoothly. "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure this show will be even better than her previous performance", assures Justin who then laughs uneasily as Misdreavus comes out apparently to watch the performance.

Cindy then comes out on stage to announce and introduce the Bass Cleffs as they come out snapping their hoof-fingers and lip synching N*SYNC/98 degrees type tunes. The threesome and co. cheer their arrival as Seye the Clefable catches Seth the Cleffa in its hand. Seth looks up at Seye as they smile at each other during one of their non-singing breaks. Basscleffshipping anybody?? The two Clefairies then come over and the three of them toss Seth way high up into the air. The Cleffa spins in an aerial cartwheel a couple of times before the others help it land perfectly. "What a toss", proclaims Crystal as Misty adds, "What a catch!" "San-shrew!", adds Sandshrew as the threesome enjoy the rest of the dancing Clefairy types concert since they're young teen girls and cute little pokemon.... so they can like that stuff. Justin's only pretending to smile or maybe he's looking at Cindy and that's making him smile.

So the threesome is having a good time at their little concert. And they better enjoy because the fun will end next time when a powerful pokemon returns that'll give Crystal and her pokemon major headaches.

Let's just say...... it's been kinda pissed off ever since Charizard kicked its ass.