Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 47

Today...or more correctly... tonight, we join our threesome as Crystal is continuing to teach Pikachu some more moves so that the electric rodent is no longer one dimensional. Sandshrew is standing opposite Pikachu as we see them all in a local park enjoying a nice clear night. Crystal tells Pikachu to use its iron tail attack and then Pikachu attacks Sandshrew violently as its tail glows bright before striking Sandshrew in a scene of perhaps disturbing domestic violence. Sandshrew goes down in pain as Pikachu looks on in horror at what it did. Meanwhile, Crystal is urging on Pikachu and its successful new attack saying that its iron tail is looking great. She then walks over to Sandshrew and apologizes and thanks Sandshrew for volunteering to get its ass kicked by his lover, Pikachu.

All this to prove that she's miles ahead of Ash in the intelligence department........ at her highest.....

Having enough of submitting 'her' pokemon to nearly groundless violence, Crystal tells them that they all deserve a break so Pikachu and Sandshrew go 'play' while Cris-tal takes a drink of something orange. So now she can truly be called 'Cris-tal' if ya know what I mean and get this 'joke'. So now I'll stop using all these 'parentheses'. "You're doing great so far, Crystal", Justin tells her, "If you keep up this training regimen.... you'll be getting better at a faster pace than my main man, Ash." "If you take away all the eating that Ash does, you'd be training a lot more than him", quips Misty. "And with enough mastery, I'll become the number one pokemon master in all the land", proclaims Crystal proudly alongside her Sandshrew.

"Well to do that, Crystal, you'll have to win a lot more battles", starts Misty. "Uh huh", replies Crystal listening to Misty's knowledge as she's continues, "... and you'll have to continue to learn more about the pokemon world and the behaviors of trainers everywhere." "Uh huh", says Crystal again as Misty keeps talking, "... and that includes catching many more tough pokemon!" "Well, if there's anything I can't do or haven't done, I don't know about it. And I thank my pokemon for that.... you wanna take a bow you guys", says Crystal smiling stupidly at her pokemon couple. "Pikaaa!/Shrrrreeeww!", reply the two pokemon. "I'd like to see you catch a pokemon... cuz I'm still waiting to see that", says Justin.

"What do you mean?", wonders Crystal unaware of this concept of ..... catching pokemon??? What's that? "Well, to be a pokemon master, you have to be skillful at everything regarding pokemon. You're good at knowing about pokemon and their health. We've seen you battle successfully against really tough trainers. But ever since you started this Kanto League journey, you haven't caught a single pokemon to this day", explains Misty. "Misty's got a good point. If you don't know how to battle and catch pokemon properly, then you'll never be able to establish and keep a strong pokemon lineup, and you'll miss out on a lot of pokemon knowledge", states Justin.

"Okay? Well...... if I see a pokemon that is worth catching, I'll go after it with all my effort", figures Crystal as Sandshrew and Pikachu look on at her swaying her head back and forth in drunkenness. "Well... you don't have to. We're just saying that if you want to become a pokemon master, you're gonna wanna catch a few pokemon. And it's not as easy as it may seem", recants Jusitn somewhat. "Oh well", sighs Crystal, "It's not that big of a deal....... but if I do see a pokemon around here, I'm gonna try to catch it." She then turns to her left and sees what appears to be a giant red pokemon on fire running across the little forest. The big reddish-brown thing stops, looks at the threesome for a moment as Crystal stares at it and then the big red-brown burning pokemon then high tails it again as if to tell Cris-tal to catch it if she can.

"Like that pokemon over there", points out Crystal just before the big burning pokemon disappears, "That's the pokemon I'm going to try to catch!" She then looks towards the others as Justin and Misty look to see which pokemon she's talking about. But when they look, they don't see anything but trees and grass being swept by the wind...... Soooo..... Justin and Misty get a look of concern about Cris-tal that she may not be reacting well to the new stuff in her stash. "Uuuuhhhmmm..... what... pokemon??", wonders Misty as she and Justin stare with their tired and weirded out expressions towards the screen.

<cue intro>

"I don't see the pokemon that you wanted to go after", claims Justin. "You don't?? It was huge! And it even gave me a chilling stare.... it was a pokemon I've never seen before", tries to sustain Crystal. "Buuuut how could a pokemon that big disappear that fast?", wonders Misty getting more concerned about Cris-tal's state of mind. Pikachu tilts its head sideways in confusion and concern as Crystal shows the two skeptics where the pokemon was. "So it ran out through the woods there?", wonders Justin pointing to the right as all the twerps are looking out for this fireball pokemon. "Yeah...", says Crystal as Misty asks her to describe what it looks like again and maybe Dexter can tell them perhaps what the pokemon was.

Crystal tells them that it was a brownish red pokemon that looked absolutely gigantic with a distinct facial pattern. So she enters this information in the pokedex including the size from her vantage point, appearance, type, color, etc. "Pokemon, description..... still searching....", goes Dexter as Justin wonders, "I wonder what pokemon it'll come up with. Maybe it'll be a Vulpix (Eugh!) or an Arcanine!" "Mis-dreeee!", says Misdreavus still trying to get with Justin as he listlessly quips, "Well it's not going to be anything like you", and then calls back Misdreavus into his pokeball. Then they notice that the pokedex has identified the pokemon that Crystal allegedly cited via her hearsay and possible illusions.

Krazykoala - the Grateful Dead pokemon - This pokemon loves, dancing slowly and mellowing out to lame, cover songs. Krazykoala's main attack is it's colorflash.

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................. well... in case you haven't figured it out, yet (and I know you haven't, Ash?), that entry was fabricated. Here's what Dexter REALLY came up with....... REALLY....

Entei - the Volcano pokemon - Volcanoes are said to erupt whenever, Entei barks. Unable to restrain its extreme power, Entei, races, across the land.

"Entei??", wonders the threesome. "But Entei doesn't even appear just anywhere", figures Misty knowing about the big fiery pokemon that supposedly only shows up in dreams like in Pokemon 3: the movie about the Unowns. "Yeah Crystal, it was probably just an illusion. A fascinating illusion, but there's no way that could've really been Entei", claims Justin still believing that Crystal's just tripping again. Can't blame him for that. "I saw it! That look in its eyes was very real", claims Crystal defiantly. And just as they're about to write off Crystal's vision as illusion, Dexter interrupts again with more info about tracking Entei. "Now tracking, Entei.......", states Dexter, "Entei's location within, approximate area of this, park." "Wow.... I didn't know that the pokedex could track the locations of certain pokemon", says Misty.

"Entei must be nearby.... I knew I saw it just now", shouts Crystal sounding kinda spoiled like Ash as Sandshrew adds, "Saaashrew!" "Maybe.... it wasn't an illusion", figures Justin. "Well... can Dexter track where Entei is going right now?", wonders Misty. "Hold on.... let me check...", says Crystal who looks again at her pokedex to try and track Entei's location. "Entei currently, moving east", says Dexter. "Come on guys, let's go try and catch Entei", encourages Dexter as the threesome tries to catch up to a pokemon that runs twice as fast as all of them combined. Still, Misty and Justin seem somewhat uncertain about this idea of catching Entei as their faces show uneasiness.

So as the twerps scamper away, now it's Team Rocket's turn to play as we notice Jessie has just finished spying on them via her binocularphone. "So.... the twerps are gonna go after the legendary Entei, huh?", states Jessie. "Hah... good luck. She's gonna get creamed", says James. "'Ey.... don't act so pessimistic! If she kin beat us just as much as dose twoips, den I say she's gotta shot at it", replies Meowth in response to James's frank opinion. "And why would that be a good thing.... if the twerp gets Entei, we'll never have another prayer to ever take her pokemon ever again. "I SAID STOP BEIN SO PESSEMISTIIIIIC!", shouts Meowth who aggressively scratches James's face. "Eeeeeeeee ooooooooohh aaaaaahhhhggghhh!", squeals James in pain as he dances around strangely.

Wobbuffet then pops out during James's routine to give the home audience a photo-op and a salute to the screen. "But Meowth, James is right. All of our pokemon combined....... (looks at Wobbuffet) especially this one, couldn't possibly beat Entei if it was in that twerp's corner", states Jessie. "Aaaaahhh", responds Meowth, "But who said da twoips would catch Entei bahfore us?" "It seems like you have a plan, Meowth", mentions James who is putting ice on his face for his scratches. "It better be a good plan if it's going to bag us Entei for the boss", mentions Jessie. "Wooooooooobbbuuuhhffet", agrees Wobbuffet so Jessie snaps back at her patient pokemon, "This strategy session does not involve you! Now get back to your ball where other normal pokemon belong." So Jessie calls back Wobbuffet to her pokeball as Meowth then finishes, "I wouldn't say bag Entei, I'd say git it stuck." "Oh?", reply Jessie and James looking at the kitty curiously.

The threesome meanwhile, is still running after Entei but they seem to be falling behind. Oh gee..... I wonder why??? "Entei's getting away.... we'll never get to him at this rate", pants Crystal as Sandshrew and Pikachu rush to scamper and keep pace with them. "Face it, Crystal", Justin tells her, "There's a reason why these pokemon are never ever caught..... cuz no one can ever find them and even when they do... they can't stop them." So they begin to slow down and catch their breath as Crystal figures that it was silly to try and capture Entei. And as Misty goes to cheer her up..... or perhaps provide some further care than that if ya know what I mean, Crystal then notices something on the pokedex.

"Wait a minute!", shouts Crystal as she looks back at Dexter. Misty asks her what's going on as Justin has noticed that there's no more activity on the radar thingy. "Entei must have stopped", states Crystal. "Really??", wonders the technologically impaired Misty. "You couldn't understand radars for the life of you, Misty", chides Justin disappointed but right. After all, exactly how many years has she been on Ash's radar screen?? Crystal suggests that maybe if they hurry, they can catch Entei before it gets moving again. Pikachu leads the way as Misty figures that Crystal and the pokemon are really into this much more than the two of them. "I guess we'd better follow them", suggests Justin as they all follow Pikachu who has taken the lead.

They keep running until they near the red dot that symbolizes the apparent Entei. Crystal then holds up Pikachu and encourages everyone to settle down since they don't want to disturb Entei and scare him away. So they stop at these bushes and crouch down behind them as they see a sparkling pond of what looks like 7-Up... well it's really water but the way it sparkles, it really looks like 7-Up so..... it's 7-Up. So the twerps peek looking around the 7-Up pond area as they only see grass getting swept by the whistling wind as the trees sway back and forth. "It should be around here somewhere", Crystal tells everyone still enthusiastic in this chase for now. Cuz if she doesn't find it in time, she'll succumb to the beautiful scenery and want o roll another blunt again.... and that would end our story prematurely for sure.

"I don't see Entei... or even any other pokemon in the darkness for that instance", whispers Justin. They look around for a couple more seconds until Sandshrew yells, "Sanshrew", pointing to something near the bounty of 7-Up. "Awww!", gasps Crystal as she sees something taking a drink of the 7-Up out of the lake and when it turns its head..... yes it is, in fact, the fiery beast Entei. Entei then looks up at the treetops with the most dramatic of looks as the threesome looks dumbfounded and awed. "There it is", whispers Crystal. "Wooow", gasps Justin silently never being privileged enough to actually see any legendary pokemon unlike the crackbaby. Misty then comments, "It's so beautiful..."

"Okay guys, let's go take on Entei and try to catch it", Cris-tal tells her pokemon. So Crystal and co. is about to leap out to confront the almighty being known as Entei when a voice next to her goes, "Shhhhh.... don't disturb this pokemon, we're getting a timeless shot of him." "Oh okay, Misty... I'll wait", relents Crystal. "I didn't say that, Crystal", says Misty. "What", wonders Crystal, "But then.... who did?" "Over here", whispers a voice as Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu look over and see a camera crew filming Entei as a middle aged Asian woman provides the narration with a mic for the camera and the home audience. Plus..... hey, whoa!! That isn't just any middle-aged Asian woman doing a story for the camera........ it's acclaimed award-winning journalist Connie Chung!!!

"As you can see right behind us, the legendary Entei has stopped by this pond which has given us the opportunity we've been waiting for. Experts say a clear sighting of the rare and valuable Entei only happens about once every 15 years. Over here, we seem to have some young Entei enthusiasts lucky enough to witness the sight of Entei. So tell me quietly, what does it actually feel like to witness a pokemon as awesome as Entei?", describes Connie Chung as she asks Crystal. "It's unbelievable.... I've hardly ever seen anything like this", Crystal comments. "Pikachuuu", adds Pikachu putting on its best face for the camera. Connie Chung then asks them what brings them to see Entei. "Well we happened to be in the park area, so when I saw something suspicious, we followed it until we saw Entei. Besides, I came here to catch pokemon so I've decided to try and challenge Entei and try to catch it", answers Crystal with Sandshrew waving at the camera along with Pikachu holding onto him tightly to let other chickenhead pokemon know that he's Pikachu's bitch.

"Oh..", gasps the calm, patient Connie, "Umm.... Excuse me for a minute", she tells everyone as she quietly walks behind a big wide oak tree to pause and reflect on this journalistic gold that she's come across. "WHOA! That is crazier than my husband's talk show guests!.... AYE!", shouts Connie Chung from behind the tree as everyone gets a sweat drop from actually hearing her yell. She then comes back from behind the tree after her strange little episode to tell Crystal, "Are you really sure you know what you're doing? Some consider Entei to be valuable and even legendary."

"Oh", answers Crystal dumbfounded, "I see." "If you go ahead and capture it, you may be taking away something very precious from a lot of people to suit your own wants and desires", advises the wise old Connie. She then realizes about the disturbance of balance caused when Lawrence III tried to capture the legendary flying pokemon. But since there's no such balance here that we know about between the three dog/wolf type pokemon, I guess catching them is fair game. Who cares if there's a few volcanic whackos that worship it?? "Well I still want to see how good I am at catching pokemon. So tonight... I'm going to try and catch Entei!", shouts Crystal getting loud all of a sudden. "Are you sure about this, Cris?", asks Justin finally giving her a nickname. Cris pauses for a moment before deciding, "Yes... I'm sure."

They then hear some growling coming from the pond as Entei has seemed to find out about everyone peeking at him as Connie Chung is quietly describing to her audience that Entei has caught onto them as we see Entei bare his mighty choppers, growl, and then begin to take off. "Entei!", shouts Crystal who then leaps out to meet Entei and then shouts, "Hang on!" She leaps out with Sandshrew and Pikachu as the others watch on curiously as Crystal shouts, "I've come to challenge you to a battle, Entei." Entei just grumbles as it begins to turn away. Crystal tries to get it to stop threatening that they'll bring it back themselves if they have to. "Piiika/Saaashrew!!", shout Crystal's two underlings.

Meanwhile, behind another set of bushes TR is witnessing the whole thing going on. "Heh heh.... Entei and dose twoips are big 'n strong en kin move around very quickly making dem impossible to beat, but wit dis bubble gum cannon, all of dem will be in a sticky sitchawation", laughs Meowth as we see their three giant bubble gum bazookas. And by bazookas, I mean weapons... not the bubble gum named Bazooka with those cheap Bazooka Joe comics. But that's for another series.... "Nice job getting these, Meowth. How did you get them?", asks Jessie. "Uhhhh... I stole 'em from da nearby artillery", claims Meowth. "That's funny, I don't about an artillery anywhere near this area", ponders James aloud. "Oh phew, I was getting a little worried that you spent my money there, Meowth", states Jessie. "Uhhh huh huh... yeeeeaah..... stole", giggles Meowth nervously, "Cuz da last ting I would eva do is steal da money out of Team Rocket's account tah buy dese.... heh heh" Meowth then asides to himself, "I hope she blames da big deduction on Jimmy latuh on..."

"En I even got da blue bubble gum ammo for a change uh pace from da usual pink", says Meowth. "Oh I see, those ammo makers are really getting creative", says James as you may notice that he isn't as excited to use blue bubble gum as he is using pink bubble gum. Oh poor James... poor James. "Hey I like blue bubble gum", announces Jessie as she goes to aim for Entei, "But I'd like catching Entei even more so let's fire some gumballs!" She points the barrel at Entei who's being chased after by Crystal who's trying somehow to catch it. Crystal then notices something looking like a gun twinkling in the bushes that's aiming at Entei. "Entei... look out!!", shouts Crystal urgently as a bubble gum blast echoes loudly so everyone hears it. "What was that?!", shouts Misty as we see Entei turn and see blue ball of bubble gum speeding towards it at well over 100 mph/200 km/h.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (You'd better be an expert fighters if you wanna f*ck with this giant green pokemon.)

It's Venusaur........................... "Veeeeee-nusaur!"

Wow... three minutes of commercials and the gum is still speeding at Entei. Oh man how stories can freeze speeding projectiles dead in their tracks... But the bubble gum ball resumes speeding and Entei is able to jump over it with Crystal's early warning. "Ohhhh... it missed!", groans Jessie. "Let's hurry and fire at the twerps so we can stop them!", shouts James. "Roguh!", shouts Meowth bringing some questions about this... this Roger... for Meowth, too. So a few more bubble gum blue balls (that's gotta be dodgy somehow...) are fired towards the twerps. "We're being attacked!", shouts Justin. Connie Chung's director person tries to get everyone back to their newsvan but every last one of them gets hit with the bubble gum bombs as they get stuck to the ground, a couple, including Connie Chung herself, get stuck to the trees, and everyone gets stuck to themselves too.

"Oh no!", shouts Misty as Justin and her go to try and rescue them but they get caught as well by some of the bubble gum trapping them to trees as well. Another blast then heads for Crystal and the two loverodents as Crystal panics, "Look out, guys!" Then, Entei roars back at Crystal and the gang as she looks up and sees that Entei lunging for her like a hungry cheetah going for a rabbit. "SHREEEEEEEEEEEEWW!", shouts Sandshrew as Pikachu panics, "Pika-PIKAAAAAA!", and... oh yeah, Crystal shouts, too. But Entei just tackles them moving them out of the way of another bubble gum shot that would've certainly nailed them. Helping pay back Crystal for her warning, Entei then dashes off into the forest to go run somewhere else.

"Ugggh", moans a roughed up Crystal, "Is everyone okay?" Pikachu and Sandshrew look fine to her as she looks up from the ground wondering where all that ruckus was coming from. "They're probably here for Entei", thinks Connie Chung trying to twist her way out of the sticky stuff. "Who is?", wonders Misty. "I have a funny feeling I know who it is!", states Justin looking agitated. "UWA-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!", cackles TR.

"Prepare for trouble, you're getting stuck up in gum"
"And make it double before we make you look even more dumb"
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie", pops up from behind the bush.
"James", pops up from behind the bush.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight fight!"
"Meeeeeeowth, that's right!", finishes Meowth who has to leap to get above the bush.

"So it's you again", sighs Crystal. "Why yes it is...", says Jessie, "We may have let Entei escape but at least we have you right where we want you." "Surrounded en defenseless!", adds Meowth. Crystal groans after being irked by Jessie & co. while nearby, Connie Chung is trying to get her cameraperson who's stuck to the ground to try and get a shot of her stuck to the tree so she can report about the illegal Entei hunters. "Uggghhh.. this gum is too sticky. I can't get the camera to point up", groans the camera man. "Now's not the time to worry about any stupid stories or special reports!", shouts Misty in her true gritty fashion. "Misty's right... what's more important? An Emmy award or not being stuck here forever?", adds Justin pointing out the possible consequences to Connie Chung's decision to try and televise the drama going on.

"Now you have two choices, twerp. But I assume that you're foolishly not going to hand over Pikachu and Sandshrew to us so I guess we'll have to hunt you down with our blue bubble bazooka", states James trying to alliterate at the end there. Crystal just stares at them annoyed that they cost her a chance to catch Entei while Meowth brings us PUN-ishment.... well sort of... with his line of, "Yeah... dis is gonna be alliterific!" "You'd better get running twerps or we're gonna blast you breathless till you're blue", adds James as Jessie shouts to fire at Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu. The first blast scares them away as they run off into the forest as Meowth utters, "Come back 'ere! We ain't gonna be done wit you until we swamp ya in goo!", as they go on the hunt for Cris-tal.

Back around the 7-Up lake, Justin is trying to muscle his way through the gum to his pokeballs in his pocket (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!). He digs under his belt and (I JUST SAID SIX WORDS AGO, GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!!) gets his hand on the pokeball that he wants and then groans, "Uuunngh... we've gotta help Cris. Misdreavus GO!!" Misdreavus comes out saying, "Misssdreeeaavus", with its trademark sultry tone of voice. Justin tells Misdreavus to melt the gum away with its psywave attack as Misdreavus floats across from him staring at him stuck to the tree......... with hearts in Misdreavus's eyes. "Huh??", wonders Justin as his fear grows. "Mis-dreeeee", groans Misdreavus as her voice gets even deeper.

NOW.... it's okay to keep your mind in da gutta!

"Uh oh...", quips Justin with a big gulp as Misdreavus tries to kiss and make sweet love to our poor main male protagonist as she enjoys the whole thing. "Aaaaahhhhh.... Misdreavus... cut.. it.. ooooooouuut! We all have to get unstuuuck and fight Team Rocket!", shouts Justin trying to avoid every hug, kiss, and bj. And for the uneducated youngstas, bj means 'bright jewel'. Remember that everyone!! "Ohhhh", groans Misty rightfully disturbed by these theatrics, "That will never work....." And so the female as always, is relied on to make a much better choice than the male who created the mess he got himself into and will take credit for the success when it's all over. So Misty, with a clear head and no stalkers unlike Justin, has another way to get out of this mess.

........ she chooses Psyduck.

So with all the rambling going for basically nothing, Psyduck comes out wondering, "Psyduck." Misty then commands Psyduck to use its confusion to melt away the gum. "Psy?", wonders Psyduck having no chance to help her trainer and her friends today forcing Misty into a sweatdrop behind her head as she quips, "This could take a little longer than I thought." "Is this the best you have to get us free?", wonders a Connie Chung producer who's name is unsignificant. "Ohhh... sadly.... patheticaly... yes", says Justin still squeamish at Misdreavus's attempts to.... ahem.... lay him. "Come on, Misdreavus... if you truely care about me, you'll help me out of this trap I'm in!", Justin snaps.

So Misdreavus obeys her dreamy master like a genie and melts away Justin's blue bubble gum trap before freeing the others from their trap. Connie Chung thanks him for helping them out and then asks if he knows where Entei and the others went to. "I think they went into the woods that way!", states Misty as they run to follow them. Psyduck just stands there watching them leave saying, "Psy-duck?" But Misty then shouts, "Come on, Psyduck, before I leave you to be Connie Chung's next investigative story!" So Psyduck returns to Misty's pokeball as she runs back to catch up with the rest of them.

"BOOM!", echoes Meowth bubble gum cannon as Crystal avoids it behind a tree. Crystal's doing her best action heroine impression to protect Pikachu and Sandshrew as she sprints and somersaults to avoid TR's bubble gum blast, groaning and panting for air along the way..... since smoking hurts your breathing. So remember that lesson.... be like Ash, except smart, and don't smoke.... anything! "Ooooohhh.... I feel like Davy Jones!", sighs James as Jessie quips, "Don't you mean Davy Crockett?", correcting him. I wonder if they meant Jimmy McBlanks the famed Onix hunter???

Well hey... come on.... can you honestly think of a gay hunter that usually misses his shots?? Honestly??

"Well it's time for dis cat tah end dis cat and mouse game!", brags Meowth who then runs and guns for Pikachu and Sandshrew. "If those morons think I'm weaponless, they're gonna get a surprise shooting!", shouts Crystal perhaps getting irritated to the point where she may take 'em out ghetto style like you always suspected. But actually, she just means the gun or.... the water gun of Totodile who comes out. "Totototototototototototodile!", shouts Totodile dancing back and forth teasing TR before a bubble gum blast scares it and Crystal picks it up. "Stay in my arms.... you're gonna be doing a little target practice for me!", claims Cris. She ducks behind a trench followed by her pokemon couple to get away as James sees her and charges towards the trench. "I've got you now!", he shouts running like a groupie towards a big movie star with his bazooka over his head.

If only it was a guy he was shouting that to...

Crystal then has Totodile use its water gun as she holds up the spunky little gator pokemon pointing his 'barrel' so to speak as James. (OKAY EVERYBODY.... NOW IT'S TIME TO GET YOUR MINDS BACK OUTTA DA GUTTA!!! AND NO MOANING!!) Totodile's water gun tags James wiping him out into a trench of mud. "Nice aim, Totodile. Come on, guys", says Crystal as they run along with Totodile wiggling in Crystal's arms. So she comes to a giant pine tree which she hides under since she's out of breath from not having healthy lungs. She pants and utters, "Ugggh... I can't keep running like this." "You're not getting away from me this time!", shouts Jessie who then finds Crystal standing and aims for her.

"UH OH..... USE YOUR WATER GUN FAST!", shouts Crystal hurriedly as Totodile's water gun just deflects Jessie's shot and gets her in her pretty face with the wet stuff. "We've got 'em on the run now!", states Crystal. "I don't tink so", states Meowth who points his bazooka to the back of Crystal's neck at point blank range. "Meowth!", shouts Crystal angrily. "Sanshrew!", shouts Sandshrew confronting Meowth. "BACK OFF! One false move 'en ya baloved mastuh bacomes a blow pop!", warns Meowth as we then see Totodile groaning trying to look around Crystal's waist to see Meowth. "Aha! Now who's going to be shot down?", teases Jessie who recovers and points at the twerps while James comes back over to join the rest.

"Say g'bye", shouts Meowth, "... or should I say... gum bye!" And just as Meowth is about to gum up Crystal, a big shadowy figure races in to tackle Meowth knocking his bazooka out of his hand. "Huh?", wonders Crystal as J & J shout, "What was that?", in total shock. "Are you alright, Meowth?", asks Jessie. "I dunno... I was attacked from bahind", Meowth tells them. "By who?", wonders James. "Hey Team Rocket!", says a dark spooky voice. "Huh?", goes TR as a giant beast steps out of the shadows to face them....... it's Entei. Of course!......

Crystal smiles as she recognizes Entei's presence while Sandshrew shouts back at it, "Sanshrew!" "It's Entei!", shouts Jessie actually delighted to see it. "So it hasn't left afta all", says Meowth. "You want to play a game? Then why don't you try to hunt down me, Team Rocket?!", beckons Entei. "I can't believe my ears, Entei wants to be caught by the totally evil Team Rocket. I always knew there'd be a legendary pokemon that would see things our way", says James who then goes into tears <giggle>. "All right, Entei", states Jessie affirmatively as she reloads her bubble gum bazooka, "Your next great conqueror will be the mighty Jessie!"

Jessie then fires a shot at Entei who then avoids it dashing off in a flash. "Huh?? Where did it go?", wonders Jessie. They see Entei in the midst of some bushes a little further away and James points it out and fires but it misses by a mile. "It's goin too fast!", complains Meowth. "Come on, we can still hunt it down!", proclaims James. So we watch TR in fast motion scatter around shooting gum blast after gum blast after gum blast after craps.... ???... PSYCH!... gum blast. Entei easily dodges TR's pathetic attempts to try and bind it with their bubble gum bombs as it races and weaves around trees and bushes. "Entei's speed is amazing!", says Crystal as Pikachu looks stunned yet happy and Totodile's celebrating the run around.

Jessie then grows angry and swears to catch Entei until they give up and complain. "Rrrrrrrrrr.... we're never going to catch Entei this way!", complains Jessie. "I knew I hated hunting for a reason... that's why I stuck with archery growing up", informs James as he also seems frustrated. "Is that the best you can do, Team Rocket?", teases Entei who then stands before them. "That's not funny!", shouts James pumping her fist...... ooooh, scary! "If you don't wanna be caught wit our super scheme, then we're just gonna have to catch you the old fashioned way", shouts Jessie. Entei admonishes them shouting, "You want to battle me??? I'll rip your competitive hearts out!", making the thunder roll and a fiery aura surround him making babies cry and volcanoes erupt around the world. "Piiiika", sighs an intimidated Pikachu.

Despite the terrifying foul mood that Entei is in, TR won't back down so easy. Particularly Jessie.... no surprise there... who then proclaims aloud, "We're not going to be scared away that easily. We're too evil to quit like that!" She then actually calls out Wobbuffet dramatically..... surprise there.... and then shouts at Entei, "Let's see you try to battle my little trooper here and see how big and bad you are." "Why don't we let him decide?", proclaims Entei who then lets forth a mighty roar at Wobbuffet making everyone cover their ears. The roar scares the hell out of Wobbuffet who wants no part of this massacre shouting, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUUUHHHH!", before running scared back into its pokeball. "Well that's gotta be a first", quips Jessie as Crystal figures out that Entei used its roar attack.

"Crystal.... are you okay?", wonders Misty as she, Justin, and the whole Connie Chung/CNN crew finally make it to witness Entei taking on TR as Crystal looks on next to Entei. "Look.... there's Entei!", shouts the director who's drama-greedy conscience makes him tell the camera guy to quickly get a shot of it. So with the camera's rolling on its star Entei, Jessie then shouts in frustration stating, "You may have scared off my stupid little blue blob but you haven't run us out yet! ARBOK!" "WEEZING ATTAAAAACK!", commands James as they try to reverse the scariness back onto Entei with the ugly mug of Weezing. "You don't deserve to battle Entei, you three lowlives!", declares Crystal from out of nowhere.

"What are you talking about?", demands Jessie. "Somebody's jealous that Entei wants TR and not her", teases James. But Entei tells them that HE was just teasing THEM saying that he'll never be caught by the likes of them.... three misguided idiots waaaaay down on their luck. It then asks Crystal after TR gasps, "Are you sure about facing TR all by yourself." "Absolutely... I know how to deal with these failures. Besides, you bailed me out and now I want to repay your deed", states Crystal. "Pikachu!", adds Pikachu bluntly. "Well the failure's gonna be on your head cuz we'll go through all of you for that Entei", shouts back Jessie. "Try if you can", answers Crystal telling her nemesis to just 'bring it, bitch!', "Totodile, I choose you!"

Crystal lets go of Totodile as Jessie commands Arbok to use its tackle attack. Totodile jumps before landing on Arbok and biting its tail causing more pain for the poor purple cobra... or kobra. Weezing then does us a favor and covers itself up (as well as everything else) with its smog attack. "Be careful... that smog is thick!", warns Entei. "Don't worry Entei, I've got a way to get outta this. Noctowl GO!!!", commands Crystal who throws out Noctowl who comes out with its sparkly powder. It's able to keep itself at the same altitude despite flapping its wings awfully slowly.... though that's not different from all its other appearances.

But in any case, Noctowl clears the smog away exposing everything again. Crystal thanks Noctowl before Jessie yells at Arbok to ground it with poison sting. But Noctowl counters it with a confusion attack weakening Arbok further. But then Weezing tackles Noctowl from behind causing it to flutter a little in the air. James dramatically yells at Weezing, "Nice job Weezing, now tackle it again!" But then Totodile uses its water gun attack as Weezing descends near the ground to tackle Noctowl. The water gun blasts Weezing right into the rest of TR and soaks them. James urges Weezing to get up saying that they haven't been beaten yet by a longshot.

.... but then they hear a mean growl. "Huh?", wonders James as they all look up and see Entei staring them down ready to tackle them like it's a freight truck. "AH OH!!", gulps Meowth. "I guess we're about to blast off again...", quips Jessie sounding miserable. "Woooooooooooobbbuuuuhhhffet!", confirms Wobbuffet finally overcoming its fears of Entei. "Oh... so noooww you have the guts to come out", says James. Entei then charges up and pounces on TR causing a cloud of dirt and smoke to appear and then TR blasts off again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!", they all shout since they already kinda said their punchline prematurely. And then Wobbuffet finishes saying, "Wooooooooobbb!", while saluting. Well it's certainly a champion saluter.....

"See? they're not so tough to get rid of", Crystal tells Entei. "I see that everybody is fine and okay... that's good", says Justin feeling relieved. Connie Chung then decides to interrupt to try and get an impromptu interview with Entei. "Entei, this is Connie Chung. Is there anything you would like to say?", asks Connie. Entei looks back at her... its eyes tell us that it's pissed as hell that these media hawks are taking advantage of this situation to try and make it open up to Connie Chung a la Barbara Walters. "Yes.... but I'm going to say it to Crystal", it answers then quickly turning to Crystal, "Crystal, you helped me evade Team Rocket. So now you can have any favor that you wish from me."

"Uhhh", mumbles Crystal a little awed before Entei resumes, "Don't clam up, now. You were chasing after me for a reason, weren't you?" "Well yeah", says Crystal softly perhaps having second thoughts about now. "Well I accept your challenge to battle and you can try to catch me. Come on, don't hold back", says Entei. Crystal still stargazes for a second before refocusing shouting towards Entei, "Let's go!" "Saaaanshhhrrrreeewww!", adds Sandshrew aggresively. "Oh man... Crystal's gonna capture Entei.... I'm not missing a millisecond of this!", says Justin excitedly as he sits down. "And don't worry, I'm talented enough to catch you", adds Crystal. "Actually.... NO!", replies Entei who quickly gets into attack mode startling the twerps and co., "..... I said... you'd TRY!", he finishes in a darked, more evil tone. "Ummmm.... I hope she has a chance", mutters Misty softly as it looks like Entei has the advantage even though it's facing as many as six pokemon.

"I'm gonna start with a fighter of mine that's going to wear you down... go Cyndaquil!", shouts Crystal sending forth the infantile, squealy, puny Cyndaquil to battle the bigger, meaner, nastier, faster, more powerful Entei. Hmmm.... this may take about 600 Cyndaquils... Cyndaquil uses its agility to speed up but then Entei counters saying, "I'll show you some real speed!", and then it whooshes off like a hurricane wind. "Whoa!", gasps Crystal who's startled by Entei's surprising quickness. Entei then uses a take down attack knocking down Cyndaquil as Cris-tal shouts for it. But to Entei's surprise, Cyndaquil isn't... well.... isn't dead. Though bruised, Cyndaquil stays up as Crystal shouts, "Alright Cyndaquil, now let's tackle Entei and show it that you're much stronger than your size indicates!" "Cynda.... cyndaaaaaquiiiiiiiiiil!", squeals Cyndaquil who dents Entei a little bit before Entei storms back and toasts Cyndaquil with a flamethrower forcing Crystal to return it to its pokeball immediately.

Crystal then sends forth Noctowl who chirps at Entei as Entei responds heavily, "So.... you think you can hang with ME??!! Come, feel my fire, Noctowl!" "Noctowl, fly away fast!", shouts Crystal as Noctowl takes to the sky just before Entei can burn it into a pellet with its fire. "Now dive down and tackle!", commands Crystal as Noctowl swoops down though it feels like its moving slower than it really is. Entei easily dodges Noctowl's dive before Crystal has it use confusion everywhere so Entei can't dodge it. It harms Entei making Misty admit delightedly that, "Noctowl hanging with Entei pretty well." But then Entei immediately recovers even more pissed off as it races scampering through the underbrush to then pounce on the temporarily-subdued-due-to-chemical-reasons Noctowl. "Well... it almost did", says Justin pessimistically, "I can't even think of any pokemon Crystal has that could possible stand up to that monster." Misty then tells him, "The only pokemon I know that capable of handling firepower like Entei's is Ash's Charizard", reminding him about Charizard from previous episodes and classic battles.

Noctowl is returned to its pokeball after Entei fried it into a deli product and then Crystal tells Totodile that it's his turn. Totodile races out to face the much bigger Entei as it yells, "Another pokemon.... ANOTHER ROADKILL!" Entei charges Totodile who barely jumps out of the way and then uses its slash attack. Entei then roars in extreme anger as it uses a fire spin attack which traps Totodile for a moment but then he's able to escape it with a water gun by shooting straight up and dousing the flames and what's burning around it. "Great Totodile! Now use your screech attack", commands Crystal as Totodile bounces a couple times before letting go a supersonic, "TotoDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILE!", which lowers Entei's defenses.

Crystal keeps encouraging Totodile who then uses a water gun on Entei. But Entei uses a fire blast which cuts right through the water gun and hits Totodile making it fall over and wiggle its limbs a little bit but alas, Totodile's party ends for the night as Entei sends him over his limit. Totodile is sent back to its pokeball along with a lot of congratulations from Crystal for damaging Entei slightly more than a little bit. "Okay... now I can really go for you, Entei. Sandshrew go!", Cris-tal shouts as Sandshrew races to fight Entei. "So you think I'm vulnerable, Crystal. Bring your best, Sandshrew, and you'll see what vulnerable REALLY is", says Entei totally pumped up and into this fight sounding like it's still pissed that it didn't beat Charizard. But Sandshrew to his credit doesn't look scared shouting again, "Shhhhrrreeew!", as Pikachu offers its lover pika's of encouragement.

Entei lunges for Sandshrew once and he avoids the fiery lion beast, Entei lunges a second time and Sandshrew avoids it the other way. Crystal then yells for Sandshrew to use its sandstorm which blinds Entei and even shields it from Cris-tal's vision. But Entei is still able to recover enough to tackle Sandshrew through the blinding sand. "Sandshrew... it can't battle at full strength through the sand... go after it! Use a rock slide attack!", shouts Crystal. Sandshrew pounds the ground to make rocks come out of nowhere to fall on Entei. But Entei sees all the rocks coming and uses its cat-like (or very very very very very very very very very very very fast dog-like) agility to dodge past and around every single boulder. "I can't believe it's still dodging every attack through that painful sand", states Misty in shock watching Entei run around.

But Entei then stops momentarily to try and suck up the pain being caused by the sandstorm which allows an opening for Sandshrew to knock Entei down momentarily with an earthquake attack as Sandshrew jumps and pounds the ground to initiate it. This time, Entei can't avoid it as the attack makes it fall over momentarily giving Crystal the opening she's been waiting for. "I don't believe it.... she's gonna do it!", says Justin in somewhat disbelief. "Pokeball go!", shouts Crystal throwing out the red and white pokeball which spins around like a frisbee before hitting Entei. Then, Entei becomes a ball of red energy like most pokemon before they're caught and then it gets into the pokeball that Crystal threw before it falls to the ground wiggling................. wiggling....... wiggling........ wiggling...... wiggling some more until........................

...................

...................

................... the red dot flashes! That indicates to everyone there that Entei has been caught. And so, despite Entei's mighty abilities to make volcanoes erupt and bring the world to its knees, now it not only can't beat Charizard, but now it gets caught by gentle pacifistic hippy trainer who uses other's pokemon and has never caught more than one pokemon before if that. Misty and Justin cheer in surprise as the Connie Chung crew looks on in shock. "We did it, Sandshrew", proclaims Crystal as Sandshrew replies in joy, "Entei is..." But before Crystal can announce her major accomplishment, Entei's pokeball starts wiggling again and shaking enough to be measured on a Richter scale. "Huh?", wonders Crystal as she, Pikachu, and Sandshrew look on at the pokeball. It continues to shake until Entei pops back out with a fury not ready to be caught.

"Grrrrrrrrr... I'm not ready to be caught yet", growls Entei as the twerps gasp. "Oh no... I thought Entei was caught!", states Justin. "Come battle me if you still think you're going to win!", challenges Entei. Crystal pauses for a moment before stating, "I'm not done yet, Entei, and neither is Sandshrew!" Sandshrew is then ordered to use a slash attack but before he can slash Entei, it jumps high into the air and then lands on Sandshrew despite Cris-tal's warnings. Then, Entei signals a charge saying, "This battle's over for you Sandshrew." And unfortunately for poor widdle Sandshrew, all he can do is struggle to his feet and look behind him to see Entei tackling him knocking him silly.

"Sandshrew!", shouts Crystal as she and Pikachu run over to pick up Sandshrew. Crystal then states her pride for her Sandshrew despite getting run over like a powerless cornerback facing a 275 lb. fullback at full speed. After a brief pause, Crystal tells Pikachu that maybe an electric attack can burn out Entei. "Come on, Pikachu", roars Entei, "Bring everything you have!" "PIKA!", responds Pikachu affirmatively ready to face the huge fire monster. Pikachu tries a thunderbolt but Entei evades it and counters with a flamethrower that slightly singes Pikachu as we see the black soot standing out on Pikachu's yellow skin.

"Don't give in, Pikachu. Use your agility!", shouts Crystal as Pikachu then runs around so it can kind of keep up with Entei. Crystal then tells Pikachu to use a thunderbolt which actually shocks Entei making it gasp for air for a moment before it grrr's back at Pikachu and makes a charge for Pikachu. Thus it's STILL going even after taking a couple of Cyndaquil tackles, a confusion from Noctowl, a handful of attacks from Totodile, a half dozen moves by Sandshrew, and now an extra powerful thunderbolt from Pikachu.

Now try and tell me it ain't pissed it lost to the twerps last time....

Crystal tries to have Pikachu get away, but Entei eventually catches up to Pikachu and tackles it sending it rolling along the ground. "Oh no... Pikachu!", gasps Misty worrying about Pikachu's condition. "Pikachu.... use your return attack!", shouts Crystal. Justin huh's before Pikachu digs in its heels and strikes back at Entei for its love, Sandshrew, Crystal, and Ash. And their James-outfit-tight bond helps Pikachu slam into Entei with more force than any other attack its ever used sending Entei reeling. And finally, after five pokemon and numerous attacks..... down goes Entei.... DOWN GOES ENTEI!

"Great job, Pikachu", shouts Crystal as Pikachu responds, "Now there's only one more thing to do.... go pokeball!" Crystal throws out her pokeball a second time sucking up the energy of Entei into its pokeball wiggling..... wiggling..... wiggling..... not wiggling. "There! I got it!", shouts Crystal happily. "Don't be so sure, Cris. Entei popped out before when you thought it was captured. "Oh right", remarks Crystal when Connie Chung cuts in wondering (yet still sounding profession (fake) for the camera, "But do you think Entei still has enough energy to fight back. I mean.... you decimated it in that battle."

Connie's questions are answered when the pokeball starts wiggling as everyone looks at it nervously again..... wiggling...... wiggling...... wiggling........ DONE! The red dot flashes a second time to indicate that Entei is once and for all... a captured pokemon. Well it is for now. "Great job, Crystal! You really showed a lot of resolve against Entei..... I thought it was unbeatable", Misty tells her really happily and really close to her obviously excited to be sharing in this joy with Crystal. Really. "I wasn't sure either.... but you kept fighting and got what you wanted, Crystal", states Justin.

"Ahem", grunts Crystal, "Let me just take this time to tell the world that (faces camera) we got Entei!!!" The background changes to yellow as Crystal announces it like an official catch. "Crystal... may I ask you what you plan to do now that you have captured Entei?", asks Connie Chung squeezing every answer she can out of this episode for her new megahyped CNN show. "Yes... I know what I'm going to do", says Crystal humbly before calling out Entei. "Yes Crystal, do you need something from me?", asks Entei. "No Entei.... I just want to tell you that I'm letting you free", says Crystal.

"Huh? Uh.... why Crystal? You'd have no problem getting through the Kanto Leagues with a powerful pokemon like Entei by your side", wonders Justin with Misty alongside him with a puppy dog look of confusion. "But with Entei fighting with me everyday, I'd just win all the time without really learning much. I think I can learn more about pokemon from battling the hard way. But more importantly than that, Entei's place in the world is not alongside me. It's better off being a legend running through the forests and plains of the pokemon world. I'd be doing the world a great injustice if I kept Entei to myself", explains Crystal obviously brainwashed by Connie Chung's warnings about disturbing pokemon gods and crap.

"I'm sure Entei is not the only one that respects your decision", then says Connie Chung. Hey Connie, I'm sure you 'respect' the decision, too, don't you? You manipulative friggin..... charming accomplished journalist! Thank you..... there's no way Entei would've fit in with the threesome. It's just too big! "Are you sure about this, Crystal?", asks Entei. Crystal says yes again with Entei responding that he was able to tell that Crystal had a true heart and was very conscientious about the balance of the pokemon world. And that is why he allowed them all to check him out and then let Crystal battle and catch it. He then says that Crystal has the right focus for being a pokemon trainer and that she has what it takes to be a Kanto League champion.

"I thank you all for allowing me to find myself again and get over some of my concerns that I've been having recently", thanks Entei before setting off. They all wave good-bye to Entei as it tells Crystal to call for it if she needs it. Hmmmm.... I guess she'll just shout really loud into the wind which will magically carry to the VERY HEART OF A VOLCANO ITSELF where Entei probably hides until it wants to challenge some other trainer it deems worthy. But as it leaves..... the fact remains.... it still can't beat Charizard. So if and when we see it next, Entei will still be out for blood.

"And that's a wrap I guess", says Connie Chung's producer. "Oh wow.... I can't wait until this story airs", says Justin. "Everyone will be so impressed that we got to be a part of the big Entei story", remarks Misty. "Now that's news I can use", PUN-ishes Justin uncharacteristically as Crystal giggles and replies kind of sarcastically, "Yeah."

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This legendary 'dog' ... ah hell, I say it's a wolf.... can produce enough power for my local power plant.)

It's Raikou!!....................... "Raaaaaaaaaiiiiikkoooooooooouuuuuuuu!!!"

The next night, the threesome is back in town watching Connie Chung's report. Connie tells the home audience, "Throughout the Entei safari, it seemed as if Entei was being a guardian... protecting everyone from those that were unworthy to possess the legendary fire pokemon. Entei sensed a very special sense of purpose that this young trainer had as she was on a quest to prove herself as a pokemon trainer. But it seemed as if Entei, through his battle with this young trainer and her pokemon, was helping to solve some of its own troubles as well as some of the trainer herself. Which only adds to the wisdom and lore of this majestic beast.... Connie Chung.... CNN."

"Well, Crystal. You've convinced me that you could catch 'em all if you wanted to", Justin tells her. "Well.... I'm happy with my group I have already. And if there's another pokemon out there that's ready for our group, we'll make 'em feel like home. Won't we, guys?", asks Crystal sounding partially baked. "Saaaaannshrew", says Sandshrew while Pikachu says, "Piiiiikachu!", also sounding somewhat baked. "Who knows Crystal, keep this up and you guys may be the news story of the year", says Misty. Thus, we see that Entei's fire is still burning strong and will continue to unless it finally beats Charizard where at that point it'll cease to give a f*ck and turn into the pokemon world's biggest chickensh*t.

As for Cris-tal..... it's pretty safe to saaaaaay.... that HER fire is definitely still burning. Especially come high time.