Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 48

Now that Crystal has validated her status as a pokemon trainer by catching the mysterious and powerful Entei, as if everyone has to catch a near unbeatable legendary pokemon to become real pokemon trainers...., the twerps are just starting to make their way towards the Fuchsia Gym. Along the way, we see them stopping already... ???... already??!! They must be taking their 25th hit of the day..... Crystal appears to be playing with her pokemon throwing around a frisbee while Bulbasaur stumbles trying to chase. It's tobaccy musta been extra whacky. Crystal's other pokemon are trying to chase it while we also see Psyduck out but it just stares into space as the frisbee sails right by it as it quacks, "Psyyy?" And when it lands, it's Sandshrew who gets the catch of the day in his mouth.

Isn't that usually the case??? Sandshrew does get all of Crystal's best cooking..... not to mention love.... affection..... battling privileges..... all things Pikachu is aware of.

Crystal compliments him for the catch as we see Justin sipping his bottled water and Misty squatting down sorting through stuff.... perhaps Crystal's weed stash. Sandshrew then uses a very cool technique to throw the frisbee itself spinning around and then letting go of its bite on the frisbee once he stops spinning his body. The frisbee amazingly spins fast and true. "Cyndaquil!", shouts Cyndaquil excitedly waving his stumpy arms as the frisbee comes right to him. But Totodile is just waaaaaaayy too fast for him jumping up quickly after dancing excitedly to grab the frisbee for itself. Crystal laughs at the silly Totodile as she harmlessly believes this is just a brief interlude on her Kanto League journey.

But this interlude is about to become a super gigantic major league interlude.

It all starts with Officer Jenny speeding by on her motorcycle stopping in style to talk to the threesome. "Excuse me", she interrupts. "Hey.... it's Officer Jenny", spots Misty. "Uh.... we're not anything illegal", quips Justin sounding like he's reduced to the third-fourth-fifth wheel in the group o' twerps. "I'm sorry to bother you guys, but are you Crystal, the Kanto League trainer?", asks Jenny. "Uhhh... why yes", responds Cris-tal curiously, "What do you need, Officer Jenny? And.... how did you find me?" "I came to you because Professor Oak needs to speak with you urgently", Officer Jenny tells her.

"PROFESSOR OAK??!!", gasps the threesome. "He told me that I'd find you guys on the road to the Fuchsia Gym. He really needs to speak with you as soon as possible", Officer Jenny tells the dumbfounded and stoned threesome. Knowing how much they've always relied on Professor Oak for food, money, pokemon leagues, staying alive, and the etc. which is stressed for Crystal's group, Crystal's expression turns more fearful. "Oh... is there anywhere where we talk to him?", wonders Crystal wanting to know what the dillio. "I could take you back to the Pokemon Center in town. And as you might tell by the urgency of my arrival, he did say that this news was serious..... so let's hurry", says Jenny.

"Right", agrees Crystal abruptly as the threesome returns everybody to their pokeball as they were doing their own things. "Professor Oak made Officer Jenny find us just for him to break his news?", wonders Misty ominously. "Mmmm..... I have a bad feeling about this", tells Justin. "I feel even worse, Justin. What could be wrong?" They then follow Officer Jenny as they cram into her side car and then jet off for the Pokemon Center.

<cue intro>

Magically, they're already at the Pokemon Center as the vidphone turns on to reveal the mug of Old Man Oak. Commercials are ingenious, aren't they?? They can even make us like fast food and junk food which got us addicted as tots! "Professor Oak... it's you!", says Crystal as Pikachu looks at him in concern knowing something's very wrong. "Oh... hi you guys. I'm afraid I have some really bad news. I might as well just come forth and tell you right away", says Oakky. "What kind of news, Professor?", wonders Misty. "It's about Ash. I'm afraid while Ash was trying to rehabilitate himself, he was so dedicated to it that he overpushed himself. He's was taken from the nursing center in Pallet Town to a hospital in Viridian City where he now in critical condition suffering from complication due to his multiple injuries", informs Old Man Oak talking gloomily about his boy.

"Oh no", gasps Crystal as Justin comments, "That's terrible." "I'm afraid due to these complications, healing Ash properly is going to be near impossible as he has slipped into a coma. His mother has been by his bedside since he was taken to the hospital but I'm afraid with the complications and hemorrhages in his system... Ash will.... he will...."

Uh oh.... he's gonna say it.... he's gonna say the magic D word on Pokemon. The D word only reserved for super serious episodes.

"... eventually die. He may only have a few hours to live", finishes Big Daddy Oak. The threesome gasps collectively as Misty quivers, "Oh no", as Justin becomes a gentleman and consoles her adding, "I.... just don't know what to say to you, Misty. I'm so sorry." So Justin comforts Ash's alleged girl while Crystal holds Pikachu petting its yellow fur firmly as she then says, "Oh Pikachu... you poor soul. You must be feeling worse than anybody about this news." She then asks Professor Oak, "Are you sure there's no way to save Ash?" "Well we were hoping that somehow we could get access to a daisy lilac medical cream that may revitalize Ash unfortunately they are very rare and only made in places with exotic plantlife like Celadon City where you are now", explains Professor Oak.

"What does this daisy lilac medical cream do?", wonders Crystal. "Well, it works the same way that a focus band works on pokemon. If someone gets knocked down, the cream sometimes has the power to revitalize that person. So if we were to have it, we may be able to reanimate Ash if his energy gives out", explains Old Man Oak. "Ohhh... that's such a shame", sobs Nurse Joy coming over to talk with them, "I even have a bag of the medical revival cream here and I'd gladly let you have it but there's just no way we can get it to Viridian City in so little time." "Indeed this is quite a quandary for us all to be in considering that you're in the midst of your journey, Crystal. But even if we were able to get our hands on this medical rescue cream, it still may not even work", says Oak trying to convince us that he's a serious scientist and father and not a perverted, cheating old man. Crystal lets her head down as appears to start crying saying, "...... I understand. I'll try to make it back as soon as possible." "Pikaaa?", wonders Pikachu looking up at Cris-tal sniffling.

"Leave it to us Professor Oak", states Justin as everyone looks at him dumbfounded, "We can get this bag of botanical miracle cream to the hospital and rescue Ash before you know it." "Huh", wonders the professor. "You can make it there in time?", wonders Officer Jenny. Misty then wonders how he's confident that they can make it to rescue Ash so quickly since the twerps normally take a whole week to go about a kilometer. Justin reminds them about something obvious that their drug hindered minds can't remember.

"We have to fly from here all the way to Viridian City and do so in a couple of hours. This is a job well suited for Dragonite!", shouts Justin who throws out the orange scaly beast crying, "Borrrrwww!" "Heeeyy... Dragonite can definitely fly fast enough to make it", says Misty sounding cheerier. "Yeah", agrees Crystal as Officer Jenny asks him if he needs any special favors he needs to take the life saving medicine there. That way, Officer Jenny gets positive publicity for her future mayoral campaign..... welcome to the world of politics!

But Justin declines her unethical offer and assures Professor Oak that they'll the medicine there as fast as they can. "Okay Justin, thank you so much. We're really counting on you, now. Take care!", responds Oak sounding unusually emotional. The threesome says good-bye to the dirty perverted professor and then Nurse Joy hands Justin the bag of daisy lilac tropical exotic miracle medical sex cream. "Here you go.... I'm entrusting my cream to you. Please be careful", pleads Joy.

Well..... Justin, that playa, scores more of Nurse Joy's dirty slutty products. And oh yeah..... EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

"Well, I guess we'd better get going Misty and Crystal", says Justin as the two girls don't move and seem confused. "But Justin, if you're going to the hospital on Dragonite, we can't all fit on Dragonite's back. It's just not big enough", explains Crystal. "Crystal's right, and I hate flying along with those fast moving Dragonites", adds Misty. "Hmmmmmm.... hey I know, we could get carrier basket from the Dragonite gym so you all can come along also", explains Justin. "Say... that's a thought", agrees Misty. "And the gym is right nearby so it won't take too long", states Crystal with Sandshrew shrewing in delight. "We can also take off from there", states Justin.

Crystal urges them all to hurry as she's desperate to see Ash and rescue her dear friend..... oh... and so is Misty... who couldn't feel happier that she gets to go on a rescue mission with her best friend Cris-tal. So they run off as Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny plead for them to be careful and wish good luck. Justin remembers to compliment Nurse Joy for letting him receive her cream (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA, FO!!) and shouts back as he's running, "Don't worry, we wiiiill. And thank you Nurse Joy and Officer Jennyyyy!"

As they run off to save the dumb little crackbaby from himself, over in the Pokemon Center waiting area sits a group that don't need to rescue anyone to be heroes...... it's Team Rocket incognito looking like detectives while Meowth sports a little kitty tuxedo. "So the twerps are taking to the skies", says Jessie as she lowers her Washington Post newspaper to reveal her pretty face to all the fellas. "Is dat so??", asks Meowth. "Oh my... I can't wait. Now we can assault those twerps with the most ultimate Team Rocket weapon we've ever acquired!!!", shouts James excitedly as laughs from behind the Variety magazine he's pretending to read. Jessie stuffs the magazine in his mouth making him choke and shut up as she tells him, "Keep it down! Do you want to blow our cover?"

"But you're right James, we've got a big surprise in hand for those twerps. It's going to allow us to finally capture that Pikachu and that Sandshrew and that Dragonite and those twerps will never know what shot 'em down", says Jessie. "Let's go get our weaponry wardrobe ready outta da hangar", says Meowth giving us a PUN-ishing clue as to what their ultimate weapon is. And thus, the dart out of the Pokemon Center before anyone knew they were there.

Meanwhile, it doesn't take long for the twerps to make it to the Dragonite gym bearing Nurse Joy's cream (DON'T!..... JUST DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT!). They get to the gate as the guard asks them for identification. So Justin and his Dragonite step up to the laser ID machine that scans their DNA. The guard then tells them that they have him and his Dragonite on record but that they're not listed as members. "Yes I know.... it's just that...", starts Justin before Cris-tal interrupts. "We have to take this medicine to Viridian City right away. And we also need one of your special baskets that can transfer all of us", explains Crystal. "Please?? A young boy's life is at stake", pleads Misty desperate for Ash not to pass away. The guard seems unimpressed with their pleading and says awfully apathetically that he'll consult someone inside.

So a brief moment later, the doors open up and out walks the preppy Ivy League wannabe Ryan. "Hey.... it's you guys again", says Ryan happy to see them so soon. "Ryan... hey!", responds Justin. He asks Justin if they've been training recently so Justin lies and says that he has though there's no evidence of that from recent Pokemon Crystal episodes. But Ryan and Justin get back on the subject as Ryan tells them that he'll gladly grant any favor they need..... just like Officer Jenny except this is part of an elitist group that Justin wants to be a part of, so Justin will gladly allow this favor to be done.

He tells them that they need a basket so he can carry his threesome companions to Viridian City and that they need their flying deck so they can take off and stuff. "You sound really serious about this", responds Ryan. "Yes.... we have a friend who's life is at stake and it's a matter of time... so please!", begs Justin. "Say no more.... I'll have you ready, up there, and out before you know it. So we then fast forward to the scene where Crystal, Misty, Pikachu, and Sandshrew are all safely into Dragonite's pouch before the huge cartoony orange pokemon. And Justin's also ready saddling Dragonite as she sports her pink 70's goggles.

Foxxy Cleopatra the ugly Dragonite is NOT!

"You ready, Justin?", asks Ryan checking the radar for foreign flying objects like airplanes and team leer jets. Justin says he's ready as does Crystal and Misty when they're asked by Ryan. Misty claims she's ready thanks to the motion sickness pills that Ryan gave her. Well..... how's that for blatant drug dealing to a minor on Pokemon?? But then again, those two girls will do anything to get their hands on body altering substances.... those naughty girls.

Ryan then clears them for takeoff and Dragonite slowly flies up carrying the threesome while we see Misty holding onto the bag of medicine tightly determined not to let Satan himself come between her and the lifeblood for her dear Ash. We also see Pikachu looking out to the sky with determination knowing that the fate of the crippled-in-many-dimensions Ash is in their hands and paws. "Pikachu's really zoned in...", notices Cris-tal as Misty tells her that the furry electric rodent knows what Ash is going through as then Dragonite leans back and they all take off at a furious speed. "Whoooooooooaaa!", shouts Crystal as Sandshrew shouts as well. Misty smiles in triumph that she's finally not afraid of moving so fast and Justin tells them, "Take it easy, Cris.... I don't want you to blow your lungs out."

Besides, who then would be the best crack smoker in the threesome???

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Professor Oak comes in to the hospital room to tell his mistress, Mrs. Ketchum, that she called Crystal and that they're bringing some focus medicine to the hospital to try and save Ash. "That's so encouraging..... but we have to hope that they get here and that the cream will work its magic", responds Delia Ketchum sounding like an airhead. Oh wait.... she IS an airhead.... alright then. "Well we can only pray for the best" sums up Oakky as Delia admits she understands. And as the professor leaves his mistress, Mrs. Ketchum then looks weepy as she tells the comatose Ash, "Don't give up, little guy. We're gonna be here for you. Stay in there." She gently pats Ash's cheek as we see him laying unconscious on his hospital bed waiting for his best friends to rescue him.

Meanwhile............ "Mwa hah hah hah haaaaaaaah! Our ultimate assault vehicle stands before us!", laughs Jessie brightly. Then James comes in with his witty queer line quipping, "It's looks so beautiful and majestic towering like an evil TR Skarmory over us. I'm so proud that this is our beautiful baby, now." I guess James has always had a love for aircrafts.... "Who cares uhbout admirin it from da outside? I wanna go for a ride en admire our new evil beaut from da inside", cuts in Meowth. And after Meowth finishes, we see their baby that they're talking about..... an enormous silver painted F1 complete with two R's stenciled in on both wings and probably plenty of ammunition to go after the twerps.

They rush into the cockpit to the order of James who's always eager to check out cockpits. Uh huh. And then once inside, Meowth announces the conditions of their jet as he turns it on. The hangar door then opens showing a runway they'll be taking off from as Meowth then announces that they're clear fuh takeoff. "Ahaaaa! It's time for some first class flying!", announces Jessie. "Wooooooooobbbuuuuhhffet", adds Wobbuffet popping out and saluting though Jessie quips that it's delegated to coach calling it back into its pokeball. From her back seat, Jessie then leads the group and commands Meowth and James in the two front seats to take off. "Roger!", reply the two Roger admirers as they start smiling and then they all take to the sky flying incredibly fast.

"Now dis is how bad guys should navigate da skies", claims Meowth. "This beats floating around in a ratty old, recycled Meowth balloon. Wobbuffet pops out again determined to enjoy to swift ride though it gets pushed to the back since the patiently pleased one isn't buckled in. "Wooooooooo-oooooooo-OOOOOOOOOOOOOBBUUUUUHHH!", it begins to shout as it flies to the back while TR endures the ride like a roller coaster. "Wheeeeeeeee!", shouts Jessie like an ecstatic little girl as the jet flies swiftly into the skies.

As Justin's big orange thing flies through the air, Justin ponders, "Hmmmm... judging by the speed we're going.... and since Viridian City is just about 10 to 100 miles away, we should make it there iiiinnn saaay.... a couple of hours." "Don't worry about figuring out the map, Justin, just keep flying will ya?", responds Crystal. "Besides, you can't figure out maps for the life of you", chuckles Misty. "Sure thing, Cris", replies Justin who then hears something screaming through the sky, "What in the hell could that be?"

He and Dragonite turn to see a big silver jet soaring right for them at top speed. "WAAAAAAAAHHHH!! That jet's heading right for us!", shouts Justin as he and Dragonite look on in panic (Dragonite's jaw dropping looks quite hilarioso). "HUH?", gasps Crystal as Pikachu quips, "Pi-pikaaaa!" Sandshrew also looks worried as Misty wonders, "What jet?", since they can't see much from inside their basket...... and yes... she still hangs onto the cream. "Hang on you guys", shouts Justin, "Dragonite..... dodge it!" So Dragonite swoops down and rotates a full 360 degrees to barely avoid colliding with the silver jet. And by the way.... if you didn't know that was a TR attack, please come here so I can smack you with this ruler........ made of steel!!!

Hah... didn't think that'd hurt so much, DID YA????

"Phew... that was close. Is the medicine okay?", wonders Justin. "The medicine's just fine.... but what was that?", wonders Misty nervously. "I don't know", says Justin who then sees the jet turn around and make another dash for them, "And it's coming back... look out!" "AHH!", gasp everyone inside the little travel pouch.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (The best part of its annoying little squeal is that it can be used as the sound for a fire alarm.)

It's Cyndaquil!! ...................... <squealing> "Cynndaquiiil!"

"Whooooaaaaa!", shouts the threesome while Sandshrew shouts, "Shrrreeeeewww!", while Pikachu shouts, "Piiiiikaaaaa!" they all then barely avoid the silver jet a second time. "Alright... what's going on??", shouts Justin impatiently pissed off. "Just who do you think you are??! We're trying to save a life here!", shouts Misty as the three of them seem oblivious to the giant R's on both wings. TR then announces their motto through their jet's megaphone though we only hear the parts when they near the twerps while they circle them because you can't hear sound waves real well at really high altitudes.

"Prepare for our most ultimate trouble yet"
"You should've known it was us in this jet"
"To protect the world from...", starts Jessie as they fly away from the twerps before doubling back towards them to continue their motto.
"To unite all people wi....."
"To denounce the evil..."
"To extend our reach to the sta....."
"Jessie", slight delay as they wait for the jet to get back near the twerps.
"James"
"Team Rocket blast off at the....
"Surrender now or prepare t"
"WOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUHHFFET!", shouts Wobbuffet as Meowth tries to shut it up when they come back around shouting, "Stop it.. oooohhh, I wish I weren't buckled in cuz I'd show ya a ting or two." So the jet wavers back and forth as we now follow it briefly. "Woooooobbbuuuuuhh wooooobb", utters Wobbuffet who seems to be struggling with Meowth. "Meowth.... cut it out and start flying this thing!", demands James campily. "Ey... you're da one dat's supposed ta be da pilot!", responds Meowth. Jessie though has had enough of this bickering and screams, "SHUT UP... ALL OF YOU, OR I'LL START USING THE EJECTOR BUTTON!!!" "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUUHHFFET!", agrees Wobbuffet but Jessie warns the patient blue blob, "GET BACK IN YOUR POKEBALL OR I'LL START BY EJECTING YOOOOUUUUU!" "Wooooooobb", answers Wobbuffet more calmly respecting its livid master.

"Buzz off, Team Rocket... we're trying to save a life, here! We don't need your miserable ones getting in the way", shouts Justin. TR somehow picks up what he says not getting lost in the wind and then James is eager to reply to his tempting male adversary. "How dramatic... a life or death situation...", he responds. "Hey... we'll help ya be big twoipy heroes and guarantee dat you'll rescue your twoip friend wit no trouble. All ya gotta do is give us Sandshrew, Pikachu, en ya Dragonite and we gotcha escorted right to da place", propositions Meowth.

Isn't that nice of Team Rocket?.... considering, of course, that they are TR.

But Justin is not impressed growling, "How dare you lowlives disrespect Ash by coming to attack us up here." Crystal's just as grouchy though you can't tell it cuz she just looks so stoned but she still tells Justin that she'll handle them and she sends out Noctowl. Noctowl flies out flapping very slowly but still maintaining its altitude as white powder scatters around it. Noctowl tries to use its hypnosis but Jessie scowls mockingly, "So that cracked out birdbrain thinks it can ground us?? Let's clip its wings with some high-flying!"

So the jet easily avoids the attack as Meowth laughs as James then steers the plane barely clipping Noctowl. Meowth then says, "Let's see how does twoips handle our homin' missiles." Dumbfounded by the jet's speed and concerned about Noctowl, she has her equally doped up pokemon try a confusion attack. But the jet flies so fast that it doesn't feel any real effects of the attack and Meowth proceeds to launch TR's homin' missiles. Noctowl gets out of the way the first time by Cris-tal's orders but homin' missiles don't quit when they miss so they some back and blast Noctowl to all the twerps' deepest concerns. And finally, after so many attacks, so much powder, and so much head-trippin.... finally!.... Noctowl has...... burned out!!.... so to say.

Noctowl begins to spiral towards Earth looking half dead while Crystal looks saddened and Justin has Dragonite race determinedly down there to catch Noctowl before it lands hard on the ground and meets a fate similar to Ash's. But as Dragonite races down to catch Noctowl, TR goes after the twerps as Jessie shouts for James to get that Dragonite. "Roger", replies James obediently and eagerly.... for Roger of course. He then circles the jet again and dives down straight for the twerps on Dragonite. "Look out!", shouts Justin but it's too late as the left wing slams into Dragonite making it spiral and grunt in pain. The spinning also causes Misty to lose her super denture hold grip on Ash's medical cream as she panics, "Oh no... the medicine!!!"

"Dragonite... are you alright??", asks Justin with much concern. After shaking off the pain she's still grimacing through, Dragonite assures Justin that there's no major damage by telling him, "Booooorrrrwww!!!" "The medicine!", panics Misty. "Noctowl", panics Crystal as Justin has Dragonite race straight down closer to the surface and catch Noctowl and then the medicine cream bag with enough momentum to stop from crashing near the ground and treetops. "Nice job, Dragonite", says Justin as Misty asks for Nurse Joy's cream all to herself.....

...... Oh I'm sorry... I didn't say GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA??!! NO??... Well of course not... what girl is so desperate for cream from another woman and is not thinking dirty thoughts??

So Justin hands the bag of cream to Misty reaching around the wide orange body of Dragonite to get it. Noctowl meanwhile, looks all black and blue from being blasted with a missile.... a rare change from the sparkling white stuff it's always accompanied with. Crystal then apologizes to Noctowl for foolishly pitting it against an enormous, supersonic jet promising it full care when they get to the Viridian City hospital. So Noctowl returns to its pokeball as Dragonite slowly begins to fly back up. "Hmmmm... you took a pretty good lashing from Team Rocket's jet. Are you sure you can fly on, Dragonite?", wonders Justin. Dragonite nods as Justin gets moody again shouting, "Good...... <looks up at TR> Then let's show Team Rocket some real aerodynamics!"

So Dragonite then zips right back up towards TR ready to tear their most ultimate weapon ever to pieces. "He's gonna have Dragonite take on that jet??!", wonders Misty in concern. "That's dangerous... even for Dragonite. They may cost us our chance to save Ash", comments Cris-tal. Meanwhile, up in their jet, TR brags about how they've beaten up the twerps so far. "Now dat we've zipped 'em en clipped 'em, let's go down dere and get dose pokemon", proclaims Meowth. "No one can zip 'em or clip 'em better than you, Meowth", expresses James with admiration.

............. make of that statement what you will...

"Gee, tanks!", responds Meowth. "The boss is going to jump for joy over all our catches", says Jessie excitedly when they hear something whirring up towards them making her go, "Huh?" It's the twerps riding Dragonite. Meowth notices this and warns James to quickly get ready for them. "Don't worry.... not even a Dragonite is powerful enough to fly through this baby", proclaims James in love with his high-octane jet. So James aims the jet right for the twerps and Justin then shouts for Dragonite's wing attack. Dragonite tilts over counter-clockwise with its wing clipping TR's jet making the jet spin around really really fast.

"I'm getting whiplash!", complains Jessie, "And even worse... it's ruining my hairspray's hold!" Hah hah hah hah hah.... gotta love that Jessie. She always knows her priorities! "Wooooooooobbuuuhhhffet!", shouts Wobbuffet loudly as it also joins in on being tumbled like a towel in the dryer.

That reminds me...... be a champ and excuse me one second while I do some laundry.

.........

.........

Once they stop spinning, James declares that he'll get the twerps with a homin' missile. But as James is firing the missile, Dragonite uses its blizzard attack which blows the missile in the opposite direction and send the jet fluttering out of control some more. "This is too much force for our jet to handle", panics James the rest of them shout in nervousness as they're being tossed around by the blizzard's wind. And once the jet returns to flying normally Dragonite catches up with it as Pikachu looks really pissed off at the jet just because TR's is in it trying to end the life of its less intelligent, emotionally/physically/mentally crippled best friend. "Hey Cris... why don't ya let Pikachu in on some of the action?", invites Justin.

"Okay", answers Crystal from safely inside her basket seat sending Pikachu out who jumps on top of the jet. "Is that Pikachu?", quivers James. "I'm uhfraid so... tings are uhbout tah go from bad tah woise", snivels Meowth as Crystal commands, and Pikachu shocks.... zapping TR to its core. TR's jet then takes a nose dive straight for the ground after Pikachu leaps back to Dragonite's basket. "James.... do something or we'll be the top story on the 6 o' clock news!", commands Jessie. "Don't worry... I'm activating the back up power supply", answers James who then gets the jet flying normally again momentarily.

Justin then sees an opening for Dragonite to use its hyper beam and finish off TR. So after Dragonite charges up its hyper beam, Jessie then screams in horror, "Oh no... it's going to hyper beam all our hard stolen money and ultimate planning into pieces!" "Don't worry ya guys... dis baby's so compact dat it kin take hypuh beam blasts en keep flyin'", assures Meowth timidly. The impact rocks TR as Jessie utters, "That was close", wiping the sweat from her unwrinkled brow. But then the second homin' missile that was ignored after Dragonite's blizzard blew it away comes back locked onto the jet. "BEEP... BEEP.... BEEP!", beeps the missile as Meowth turns around to see that the missile has found a target..... THEM! "OH NOOOOOOOOO!", gasps TR as Wobbuffet also gasps, "WOOOOOOOBBBUUUHHH!"

The missile permeates the already weakened exterior of TR ultimate fighter jet and blows the whole thing apart. "I know we nevuh evuh succeed but we got foiled dis time wit cruel en unusual punishment", quips Meowth. "Our big aspiration obviously backfired on us... as usual... like it's anything new...", adds James.

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaaaiiin" "Woooobbuh"

See you guys in the states, Team Rocket!!! <waves bye for now>

"Phew... thankfully they're outta the way", sighs Justin in relief, "Now we've gotta make it the rest of the way and fast. Team Rocket cost us valuable time." "How long until we make it there, Justin? And do you even know which way it is to Viridian City?? We were knocked off course by fighting Team Rocket", asks Misty. "Honestly, I have know idea which way west is where we need to get to", claims Justin proving his sense of direction almost rivals Ash. "Oh no", fears Misty thinking the worst that they're lost. But fortunately, Crystal brings out a compass announcing that, "Luckily, I have this compass on me so we know which direction is which. Viridian City was west from where we were going so if we turn around 180 degrees from the direction we're currently flying... which is east..." "We'll make it to the hospital before long", finishes Justin interrupting her obviously unable to tell which direction the sun (which is currently out) rises and sets.

So Dragonite turns around carrying the twerps, their pokemon, and their cream with them. Not too much later, the threesome sees the skyline of Viridian City as they continue to fly Dragonite through the darkening skies. Cris-tal points it out and then trips out on the bright sparkling lights. "PIKACHU!", shouts Pikachu relieved that they made it. But Justin interrupts her fun to ask her if she knows where the hospital is that they're keeping Ash. Crystal responds that it's on the far side of the city beyond the skyscrapers. So Justin tells Dragonite to set its course so they'll blight the skyline of the city.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Ketchum is still worrying about her boy as she prays over his bedside. "Ohhh... please hang in there, Ash. Please hang in there", she whispers just like the way she whispers sweet nothings into Old Man Oak's ears. Speaking of perverted old men, in he walks accompanied by Ash's personal caretaker and sexual abuser, Meganium. "Hello Delia, how does Ash look??", he asks worried. "He still looks the same", she tells her booty call bashfully. "Well... I wish I could help Ash more with all the medicine I've gotten out of Meganium, but unfortunately, it's just not enough", says Oakky despondently. "Megah", adds Meganium equally pessimistic as she goes over to her human boyfriend she probably vine wrapped too much licking Ash's cheek making him silently groan.

At that point, a doctor and a Nurse Joy walk into the room to talk to Mrs. Ketchum as they look glum. "Do you.... have any news for me?", wonders Mrs. Ketchum. "Yes, I'm afraid so, Ma'am", answers the doctor. "It seems as if unless we get any botanical medical cream shortly, I'm afraid Ash's complications are so bad that we're going to have to transfer Ash to life support soon", adds Nurse Joy. Delia gasps as the doctor tells them, "I hope you understand why we may have to do this." "Yes.... I understand...", says Prof. Oak without much energy.

This only makes Mrs. Ketchum more saddened as the mistress is comforted by her mister. "Sleep in peace son... <weeping> sleep in peace. Mommy loves you", weeps Delia. Time out..... I'll give everyone 2 minutes to shed some tears and maybe even bawl away to some Creed.

............

............

............ (background music playing.... <hold me now.... i'm 6 feet from the edge and i'm thinking.... maybe 6 feet..>)

Okay.... Tiiiiiime in! After Mrs. Ketchum's soul shattering words, they all then hear something flapping. "What could that sound be?", wonders the doctor. "Is it a helicopter?", wonders Nurse Joy. "That can't be a helicopter. My pokemon senses tell me that the sounds that are being made are coming from, I would believe, a big flying pokemon", senses Prof. Oak. Delia goes to look out the window and check out what it could be, the flapping gets louder as they then see landing on the balcony......

.................

........................ LUGIA!!! And he's brought a pot of gold to help pay for the hospital bill that Ash is going to drain out of mommy and (more likely) daddy.

Yeah right.... like he'd waste time with all that Make-a-Wish stuff.... that's only for human celebrities. But in any event, everyone above a 1st grade intelligence level should know that it's Dragonite carrying the twerps. "Ohh", responds a shocked Ms. Ketchum as Dragonite lands finding the window of the exact room where they were keeping Ash without knowing anything. Delia must've stood out like a crack whore..... okay... I've just found my own solution to that little dilemma. "Hey... we've made it", says Justin.

Cris-tal frees herself from the basket as does Misty as they greet Old Man Oak. Pikachu then races to the bed to see Ash again and jump on his chest causing more complications with all its weight. "Pika???", wonders Pikachu as it tries to do everything it can to revitalize the comatose Ketchum while Sandshrew looks up at them from the bedside. "Hey... you actually made it", greets Oakky with delight as Mrs. Ketchum expresses her pleasure for them to be there. She could really use some of Cris-tal's crack right now I'm sure.... "Ash... is he alright?", wonders Misty. "He's still hanging in there but not for long", notes the doctor. "Do you have the daisy lilac base medical cream?", asks Oak. "It's right here!", says Crystal affirmatively presenting Nurse Joy's cream to Professor Oak (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!!). I mean Oak gets presented Nurse Joy's box which is filled with cream (GET MY MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!!) I mean... Crystal shows Oakky the medicine that'll save Ash.

"You got that here all the way from Celadon City??", wonders Nurse Joy who's beside herself in disbelief. "Yup and we even got it from your relative at the Celadon City Pokemon Center", details Crystal as Joy responds, "Well... many gratitudes are in order to my aunt, I'll say that much." "With this medicine, we may still have a shot at savin' tough ol' Ash", comments the doctor who then says they're going to get started immediately on the operation to utilize the cream. They ask the twerps and relatives to leave so they can start right away and they all go except for Pikachu who won't leave Ash's bedside.

Crystal tries to make it leave by calling it back to her warning that they can't save Ash unless it clears out. But Misty tells her, "No Crystal, Pikachu and Ash are best friends, they're so close to each other that Pikachu can't stand not to see Ash if he goes." "You're right, Misty", answers Crystal glumly holding Sandshrew, "And I'm sure Pikachu has suffered more than anyone during this ordeal. I can't blame Pikachu for not leaving." So the doctor tells them that Pikachu can stay with them during the operation at his side. So then..... they wait............ And wait......... and wait............ and wait........ and wait.... and.. OH HELL... let's just screen wipe to after the operation.

The doctor and Nurse Joy come out to tell them that they've finished and that they'll still have to wait a little while to know if the medical cream really worked. "It might not have worked?", wonders Mrs. Ketchum who knows very little about pokemon medical technology. Okay... that's one less graduate out of med school.... "The cream acts like a focus band on pokemon. Sometimes when a pokemon is knocked out... the focus band revives the pokemon that's wearing it. This exotic cream works the same way except both items sometimes don't work", explains Justin. "Oh", oh's Mrs. Ketchum pretending to understand and not be currently cracked out of her mind. Prof. Oak then comments, "All we can do now is hope for the best."

Very true, you dirty old man........................... very true.

So shortly afterwards, the doctor tells everyone that they should know whether or not the operation was a success any moment now. Crystal stands with her jaw open slightly REALLY close to Misty whose holding her hand (you read me right) in meditation for some kind of hope. Justin stands behind them waiting patiently like Wobbuffet. Mrs. Ketchum is being comforted by her lover Prof. Oak waiting in agony for Ash to awaken. The doctor waits nervously along with Nurse Joy as they fear the threat of a frivolous malpractice suit filed by a delirious Delia Ketchum if this doesn't work out. And finally, Sandshrew looks up at his best friend and then some, Pikachu, as Pikachu lies on Ash's belly waiting for the hardhead to awake.

Thus, everyone waits for a few moments to build up the drama and tension to see if Ash will survive or not. The twerps continue to wait impatiently as..... oh God.... I can't take much more of this.... don't let Ash die!!! Who else is gonna 'huh?' and do braindead action hero stunts? Who? The pressure's CHOKING ME!!!

Ahem.... <breathes deeply>, now that I've pulled myself together.... let's continue. After all the dramatic pauses, it concludes with Pikachu shedding a single solitary tear of mourning onto the bedsheets Ash is tucked into. And with Pikachu's magic tear, they then hearing some very weak groaning.... and then the bedridden Ash moves his head and his arms a little bit. Yes that's right............. ASH LIVES!!!!! HE'S ALIVE...... <cue Eastern European accent> HE'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVEE.... UWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!! "He's moving!", shouts Crystal excitedly as she's shushed by Justin so that they can see if Ash will wake up.

And a moment later, Ash opens his eyes unaware of practically anything except his name and his gender. Thus, little has changed and he even has an inspiring returning comment for the world as he wakes up from his coma..... "Huh?", he weakly groans. He then looks in front of him and sees Pikachu pika'ing him back joyfully. "Hey Pikachu..... nice to see ya again buddy", he moans quietly. "Pikaaachu!", replies Pikachu as he pets his favorite electric yellow buddy. "Ash! You're alright.... thank goodness", praises Mrs. Ketchum. "YEAH!", cheer Misty and Crystal who then rush to Ash's side as Justin states, "The medicine worked..... it's a miracle!" "Yes... thank goodness everyone's hard work paid off", says the calm, assuring father figure Old Man Oak.

"Hey... Crystal. How you guys been doing?", asks Ash turning his head away from Pikachu for a moment. "We're fine.... but more importantly, how're you doing?", she asks back. "I still feel pain..... but otherwise I'm alright. Oh..... I guess I must've scared everybody quite a bit", he replies. "You have no idea, mister. Don't ever do that to me again", says his mom. "Doesn't matter how scared we were, the important thing is that you're safe Ash", reasons Misty. "That's true.... and I'm glad you all still cared about me", Ash utters. "You should thank Crystal and her friends for coming here to your rescue, Ash", urges Prof. Oak. "Oh.... so I guess you guys saved me again", jokes the young teen dudhead.

"Sanshrew!", agrees Sandshrew while Crystal laughs briefly even though Ash probably doesn't know which planet he's on right now. "Actually, you should really thank Dragonite. He was the reason we were able to get the medicine here safely", Justin tells him. "Oh.... well I still wanna thank you for helping out, too. Not to mention Dragonite, of course", says Ash anyway as he nods to Dragonite. "Borrrrwww", replies Dragonite nodding back. "Hey.... anything for a brutha", responds Justin who squeezes his hand in respect. And if Justin didn't act so ghetto in talking to Ash, there'd be a lot of buzz about more of Old Man Oakky's illegitimate children if there isn't already. But I'm sure there will be.... and why not.... Justin and Prof. Oak do act enough alike.

"And I'd also like to say you're welcome for keeping the medicine safe", adds Misty wanting to be thanked and not wanting to be ignored by her crush. "Uh huh huh... thank you too, Misty", thanks Ash who still doesn't get it as she smiles at him. "I'm so sorry this had to sidetrack you guys, Crystal", apologizes Prof. Oak unknowing of how much time the twerps already waste just getting into adventures with TR and other associate side character morons. "Hey... it's not a single problem and we'd do it again if we had to help out Ash", claims Cris-tal who seems to be getting sober for the moment. "Saaaaashrew shrew!", agrees Sandshrew.

"Speaking of which.... ohhh, I'd hate to sidetrack you anymore than you've been sidetracked already, but I need to ask another favor out of someone", says Prof. Oak trying to make Crystal her next messenger girl just like Ash or Gary would normally be... except their on the Disabled List so to speak. "Oh my.... at this rate Professor Oak, Crystal may take a very long time before she even wins her next badge", comments Justin. "That's no problem", replies Prof. Oak about to drop a big fat juicy piece of bait in front of Crystal, "I guess you guys aren't interested in taking a trip to New York City." "NEW YORK CITY???!!", gasps the threesome collectively. "San sanshrew", adds Sandshrew with equal shock.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This rather fugly pokemon loves to play a soccer goalie in a Pokemon Stadium game.)

It's Furret........................ <high pitched> "Furrt!"

Crystal then raves over how much she's always wanted to go to NYC and then asks Prof. Oak what he needs from there. "Well Crystal, I've talked to Prof. Pine, New York's most famous pokeologist and head professor of pokeology at Columbia University. It turns out that he's developed a state of the art biological pokemon device and he wants me to come there to help test it out at their big fireworks display they're going to have there. Unfortunately, I can't make it because of the problems going on with Ash as well as my own busy schedule. But it turns out that a rare pokemon may be showing up there", claims Prof. Oak making an excuse so he can still stay with and screw with Mrs. Ketchum. "What kind of rare pokemon??", gasps Misty. "I don't know... he didn't tell me much about it.... and also, he wants to send me the machine's blueprints so I can review them. The only problem is that these blueprints are so valuable that he doesn't want to take a chance and send them through the mail", explains Prof. Oak.

Hang on... let me get this straight.... this whacko New York pokeologist won't trust the US national mail system or a highly trusted delivery service but he would trust a crackheaded pokemon crazed girl and her whacky, lustfilled sidekicks..... or he'd even trust them to the world slowest little boy who'll find his bones rotting away at the end of time before he understands what sex is?? Well this must mean that either.... Prof. Pine has recently been dropped on his head OR... someone's seriously at odds with the US government.

In the latter case, someone should be staying clear of John Ashcroft, shouldn't he Prof. Pine??

"Do you know what kind of device it is?", wonders Misty. Prof. Oak explains that it's a type of computer that's slightly larger than a palm pilot that can track all of a pokemon's vital statistics. It's known as.... the Pokemon Lifeblood Pad.... PH33R IT!! "That sounds pretty cool", utters Crystal. "It must be a medical breakthrough", adds Dr. Justin having to bring up the fact that it's a breakthrough. "I hope you're right, Justin", says Oakky, "But anyway... I trust that you'll be able to bring back those blueprints safely just like you brought the medicine here safely."

"Absolutely, Dragonite's up to the task!", proclaims Justin. And Crystal adds that while they're on their way there, they can stop at other famous American destinations along the way. Misty announces that she's all for it and Justin mentions that it'll be a great trip for their pokemon as well. "Then that settles it.... we're leaving for New York first thing tomorrow morning!", Crystal states. "Sanshrew", adds Sandshrew.

The next morning, the twerps are there to say good-bye to Ash, Oakky, Delia, Nurse Joy, and Dr. Toounimportanttohaveaname. "You're leaving for another trip??", wonders Ash cluelessly. "Yes... but we'll be back on the road to the Kanto League soon enough. Now take care, Ash. We don't want you getting into trouble again.... just take your recovery slowly and you'll be back on the road to being a pokemon master again before you know it, right Pikachu?", tells Crystal to Ash and Pikachu. "PIKA!", answers Pikachu as Ash tells Pikachu and Sandshrew to take care as Pikachu leaps onto his chest again probably causing further damage to his chest though the dense young man just laughs it off and hugs Pikachu. Misty and Justin also say good bye to Ash as Mrs. Ketchum and Nurse Joy on behalf of the entire hospital extend their utmost gratitude to the threesome for helping to save Ash.

Crystal replies, "It's no problem.... I'm training to be a nurse after all this anyway so I felt like this was an extreme call of duty anyway." Pikachu then jumps back towards Crystal and Sandshrew who'll hug Pikachu some more..... not to mention hug and kiss some other things later on. Then they all wave good bye to the threesome as they all fly away on Dragonite again heading for Yankeeworld... better known formally as the USA.

.... no matter which direction it's in.