Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 49

And so........ IT...... begins.....

Now.... Pokemon is not just in some fantasy world of Johtos and Kantos anymore, but it's now REAL.... in the REAL world as Prof. Oak has once again sent forth the threesome to do his dirty bidding sending them Yankeebound. New York like what??!!

But for today, we open with a shot of a city skyline and we see the threesome is walking around another city with Dragonite right behind them who's taking a break from being a living limo for the twerps. "All right.... our first landing in a major American city!", shouts Crystal excited to get high just like so many other teenaged Americans. "Sanshrew/Pi-pikaaa!", add Crystal's two pokemon. "This looks really cool.... so which city did you say we're in, Misty?", asks the directionally clueless Justin. "Well, according to the map and our American guide, we're in Dallas, Texas", she informs them. Thus, we opened with a shot of the Dallas skyline.

"Ah yes... Texas... where everyone brags about how everything is bigger", states Justin, "The food is bigger.... the pokemon battles are bigger.... even the hats are bigger!" As Justin finishes, he whips out a cowboy hat and puts it on to look like a Texan himself. "Uhhh..... where'd you get those silly hats?", wonders Crystal ready to mock his fashion sense. "From that street vendor just before we landed..... I even got a couple more for Sandshrew and Pikachu", adds Justin putting the hats on Sandshrew and Pikachu. "Pi-pikahchu!", shouts Pikachu in delight raising its paw in approval.

Oh... I almost forgot..... actually I did forget since this is after the fact but I can still inform you..... CUTENESS ALERT!!! CUTENESS ALERT!!!

"Uhhhhh.... ohkay?!!", says Misty a little dumbfounded at Justin's attempt at humorous generosity. Justin then finishes, "Even the ponds at the city park is bigger." "Hey... that is a rather pretty lake in the park", notes Crystal as she's about to whip out some weed and get high on a beautiful day. Until.... Officer Jenny comes over to greet them. Justin then greets her before Jenny corrects him saying, "Actually young man, in Texas, we're all called Ranger Marshall Jenny's." "Hey.... you're all good no matter what people call you", replies Justin applying his gangsta lovin' to the situation.

Jenny passes right over his lovin' and then asks the threesome what they're up to. Not to draw out this Cris-tal/drugs relationship, but it takes a long pause for her to come up with, "Well... we're just enjoying a beautiful day here next to the lake." Misty then tells them that they're pokemon trainers headed to New York doing a favor for Prof. Oak and that they've stopped by in Dallas for the day. "Say.... that's sounds just wonderful", says Ranger Marshall Jenny with a southern twang in her voice, "By the way, this lake is open to all your pokemon. Feel free to send out all your water pokemon." Misty thanks them telling her that she was thinking about that anyway and then sends out Corsola, Psyduck, Staryu, and Seadra to have a splashtacular time in the lake as they come out with their catch cries. Most notably the louder than normal, "HYA!", from Staryu and the dodgyfunny, "Doo dooo!", from Seadra.

"Why don't you come out too, Totodile!", shouts Crystal sending out Totodile who shakes his groove thing all the way into the water. Justin also sends out Kabutops and tells Dragonite it's welcome to hop in as well to take a break from flying and it does. Ranger Marshall Jenny can't believe the impressive array of pokemon the threesome has at first but then figures that they must be experts since they're associated with the world famous swinger, Prof. Oak. Apparently, she's familiar with Oakky's Texas two-step...

Misty's pokemon continue to play with each other while Justin cavorts with Jenny, and Misty and Cris-tal try to hide their evidence from Marshall Jenny though she's dumb enough to seem oblivious to their illegal doings and Crystal's pale appearance and bloodshot eyes. But then we go to Totodile looking at the far side of the pond at a guy with wavy hair finishing his speech to a group of cheering camp children and their parents. Must be graduation day.....

But it's not just any commencement speaker..... no... it's Mike Modano of the Dallas Stars hockey team and Totodile sees him put away a shiny sparkling silver trophy. Could it be....... the Stanley Cup??!! Couldn't be..... Pokemon isn't hip enough to have an episode featuring the great Lord Stanley's Cup, right? But this big cup-like silver trophy which definitely can't be the Stanley Cup has caught Totodile's big eyes. So with the twerps and the other pokemon all conveniently distracted, Totodile swims towards Mike Modano and the silver trophy thing which is now encased in a black chest as they both enter a limo en route away from there.

While Totodile swims away and jumps into the left open trunk with the black chest while the hockey star's chauffer is busy opening the door for him since he's too skilled to open his own frikkin door!!!..... ahem... during all that, Ranger Marshall Jenny asks them if they have any plans for the night saying she has her suggestions. Crystal at first is unsure whether she wants to catch a movie or check out Dallas's famous fair grounds. But then Justin spots Totodile and tells them, "Uhhh... I don't know about you, but right now, I'd think about going after Totodile who's running away after something for some reason."

"What?", gasps Crystal as she turns and sees the wild water pokemon running and then jumping into the truck to try and get a glimpse of the magnificent hockey trophy which definitely could not be the Stanley Cup. She shouts for Totodile as Misty points out fearfully that the chauffer of the limo is going to shut the trunk with Totodile in it. So Crystal tries to shout at the short, skinny guy who's either too deaf or too far away to hear her as he shuts the door with an unsuspecting Totodile in it. "Oh no!", gasp Justin and Misty while Crystal shouts, "Totodile!" The limo then drives away before the twerps can get close enough to the vehicle to maybe get Totodile out.

<cue intro>

"They're getting away with Totodile", shouts Crystal hurriedly. "Pi-pikahchu!", adds Pikachu before Jenny tells them they can catch up to the limo with her police cruiser. Speaking of the limo, it's speeding awfully fast.... even too fast for Officer Jenny to catch up to fully. "Saaaashrew!", points out Sandshrew in his cowboy hat as they're now in the back seat of her police cruiser coming up on a big building. "That's Reunion Arena! It must be where that limo is going. There's supposed to be a huge hockey game there tonight", says Ranger Marshall Jenny. "Really?", asks Misty.

She mentions that the Dallas Stars are playing the Detroit Red Wings tonight and that the Red Wings are the best team in the league. "Sounds like it's pretty big business for the Stars tonight", mentions Justin as the threesome look like criminals sitting in the car's backseat. "Unfortunately, it may be a little too big for Totodile", fears Misty afraid that those Stars might outshine Totodile's star. The limo gets into the restricted area of the arena followed by Ranger Jenny and the twerps in the Dallas Police car.

So the twerps are having a lot of fun and adventure in their first ever trip to the states. But certainly, all this adventure is meaningless because they left our beloved Team Rocket way far behind in leaving for this mission. And also, TR had no way of knowing the twerps, Sandshrew, and Pikachu were traveling to New York. Thus, these American adventures are going to fall way flat....

Wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!

TR is very much on the twerps heels in their happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon pretty sure that they headed with Ranger whatsamacalit Jenny into Reunion Arena. But still.... how? How did our heroes know and thus, were able to come through and make it to Texas?

"So the twerps are traveling with that Officer Jenny?", observes Jessie. Meowth thinks that they must be in a hurry while James questions Jessie about whether Officer Jenny gets called something different in Texas. Jessie retorts that she doesn't have time to mess with calling law officers different names unlike myself who struggles to type in ... Texas Ranger .. no Officer Ran... no.... Ranger Officer something Jenny. Meowth then shrugs, "Yeah... dat's true. But I gotta say again dat ain't cha glad now dat I put dat tiny trackin' duhvice on dat Dragonite back when we attacked it?" Jessie admits that she wasn't for Meowth's idea at first but thanks to the fast thinking kitty, they and the series can continue to be entertaining.

Amen to that Jessie and Meowth....... and I know that planting a little device on Dragonite is a corny idea..... but it gets the job done, though.

Jessie notes that they're heading for the stadium up ahead so James suggests that they try and get in there. So they land making sure the twerps don't see them as they land right near a gate where some of the players enter. They then decide on how to sneak into the building so they can get Pikachu and Sandshrew. Meowth suggests the usual security guard disguise but Jessie and James are fearful of wearing such horrendous fashions that the Texas police rangers sport while pretending to work.

They must wear too much polyester....

J & J continue to ponder how they might be able to sneak into the Reunion Arena while Meowth admonishes them saying, "Come on, ya guys. We don't have da money tuh afford special disguises. Especially becuz uh how strong da currency is." Jessie argues back that she's trying to think of a way as James looks around and sees a site for his sore eyes.

"Eeeeeeee!! THAT'S HIM....... THAT'S REALLY HIM!!!", shouts James in true James fashion pointing at a guy with a lot of baggage checking through the door into the arena. "Dat's who?", wonders Meowth. "That was Brett Hull.... THE Brett Hull", gasps James. "Who's Brett Hull", wonders Jessie.... not a sports aficianado. "Who's Brett Hull??!!", wonders James mortified that Jessie doesn't know about Brett Hull..... no doubt one of James's secret dreamboats, "Brett Hull is only one of the greatest hockey players ever to play the game!!" "Wooooooooooobbbuuuhhffet", adds Wobbuffet popping out of its pokeball to testify.

"Really?", wonders Meowth, "Den dat means he must be saddled wit' dough." "That's right, Meowth. We should sneak into the building and get Brett Hull's autograph", gushes James feeling so happy that he saw his hockey idol today. Jessie then adds, "Yes.... and then we should kidnap him and demand ransom from the other wealthy players." "Woooooobbbuuuh", notes Wobbuffet standing behind the three of them. "Well... I guess we should go a little further than an autograph", figures James, "I noticed that there was a sporting goods store a couple blocks away." "Great.... then let's go get some hockey gear so we can come in as hockey players", commands Jessie. "Roger", reply James and Meowth continuing their obsession with Roger.......... Clemens maybe?? "Then I can finally meet Brett Hull!", squeals James. "He must be a really big fan of Brett Hull", says Jessie. "Yeah", adds Meowth, "Poor Brett Hull...... I feel bad fuh what he's about tah go tru: Bein' pursued by James en den he's gonna get kidnapped en robbed by us. I'd nevuh wish a day like dat upon myself."

Ohhh-kay??! Make of that what you will..... because James already has.

So we go to the scene where Jessie, Meowth, and Wobbuffet exit the Sporty Texan carrying bags and wearing their hockey practice tee-shirts which say 'Dallas Stars' on them. "Well... we got everyting we needed. Includin' da ankle tape en Gatuhrade bottle", Meowth tells James gladly sporting his new attire. "The color coordination is a nightmare...... I hope we don't have to wear this for long", states Jessie not liking the dark green color of the shirts.

"You don't have to wear it at all because Brett Hull plays for the Detroit Red Wings, not the Dallas Stars", he says raising his voice getting annoyed at them. Jessie shouts back even more annoyed, "Thank you James for telling us that AFTER WE BOUGHT THESE STUPID SHIRTS!!" "I guess we ain't gonna be stars today", quips Meowth as Wobbuffet wobb's behind him.

So a little while later, we see them making their way back to the arena sporting Detroit Red Wings shirts, wearing hockey helmets, and carrying hockey equipment. "Well I'm glad we cleared up that little mishap", states Jessie. "I agree, I love the red color of these shirts", boasts James glad he's wearing a color that's closer to pink, "They even resemble the red color of our 'R'!" "I guess dey should rename da team da Duhtroit Red Rockets!", suggests Meowth as we see Wobbuffet carrying a Red Wings pennant. How coot! "I agree.... maybe we should patent that and sell the naming rights to a high market arena football team!", adds James.

Coming up ahead, they see a loud, excited, and obviously drunk bunch of fans wearing green and white enjoying a tailgating party. "Huh?", they wonders as they see a fat guy with a beard hand the kids over a couple of hot dogs. "All right... free food!", claps Jessie eager to munch down on a hot dog (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!). "Let's do some tailgatin' before we entuh da place!", shouts Meowth. But unfortunately, as they go up they realize that it's a Dallas Stars club tailgate barbecue.

"Huh?", wonders Meowth as a local yokel middle aged woman approaches TR asking them what they want. "We would like tah have some sausage en peppuhs!", answers Meowth. "Wooooobbuuuhhffet!", adds Wobbuffet making others notice their unwanted presence. "HEY!!! Dem three are Red Wings fans!", shouts another drunk hocket fanatic. "Let's get 'em!", cries another nutball as TR shouts in fear running away from the angry drunk mob of tailgaters that chase them.

Poor diluted TR.... and the fact that its a group of drunks chasing two hotter than hot pieces of ass don't help that.

Meanwhile back in Reunion Arena...... The big burly black thug bouncer at the door asks Ranger Marshall Jenny politely if she needs something as the twerps follow her. "Yes.... we need to get into the building", says Ranger Jenny. "My Totodile was in the trunk of a limo that went into the building", says Crystal. The bouncer lets them pass as they immediately proceed to slack off searching for Totodile and get mesmerized by all the action going on around them. "Wow.... look at all the commotion going on here. This must be a huge game for the Stars.... I can hear the crowd all the way from down here", states Misty. "Saaaann", wonders Sandshrew still donning its cowboy hat.

Perhaps later..... he and Pikachu will do it cowboy style later on..... they're already dressed for it.

"I wonder where Totodile is....", wonders Crystal. "And that limo...", adds Justin as Misdreavus pops out crying, "Miiiiiiissdreeeeee!", desiring a limo for her and Justin so they can celebrate in her special way. "The limo to get Totodile out of, not to get you into", Justin tells his frequently appearing pokemon. So as they keep searching, we see that same limo pulling up to a group of men....... the rest of the Dallas Stars. Among which, are Eddie Belfour.... OOPS... he went to Toronto.... I mean.... Jason Arnott, Derian Hatcher, and Randy McKay. "Hey.... here comes Mike", notices Derian Hatcher.

The limo rolls up as the clumsy, near-sighted chauffer lets Mike out to everyone's greetings. He greets everyone back as Jason Arnott can't wait uttering, "Come on..... we wanna see the cup again already!" The chauffer opens up the trunk and gets out the black case holding this cup which certainly couldn't be the Stanley Cup. Mike Modano opens the case and in there is.........

OH MY GOD!......... It really IS the Stanley Cup!! Pokemon didn't go cheap this time (thanks to moi)!

The Stars cheer its appearance again gleaming in the light looking soooooo beee-yu-tee-full. Totodile also looks up from the trunk of the limo and sees the shiny Stanley Cup being taken into the locker room by the Stars. So Totodile leaps out and follows them into the locker room bouncing and stating, "Toto-totodile!", the whole way. Inside, we see Mike Modano talking about his day with the Stanley Cup and other hockey players, also known as goons or whackjobs, gazing at the Stanley Cup. This doesn't phase Totodile who goes right up to the cup and stares at its beauty making it slow down for once muttering, "To...to... dile!"

The Stars coach then comes and gathers up his team sounding like a real meanie putting his team through hell in order to kill everybody else. "Listen up crew! We...", he begins before spotting Totodile gazing at the Cup. "What is this big jawed runt doing in here?", wonders the coach. "It knows what kind of hardware it likes", proclaims Jason Arnott. "Well.... we gotta get the cup out to the ice so the fans can cheer it and stuff", says the coach and so the Cup handlers remove the Stanley Cup as the coach tells Totodile, "Sorry little buddy but you gotta go, too!" So an usher takes Totodile out of the locker room after the Stanley Cup.

Totodile gets set down and gets excited about the cup again so he dances after the cup down a corridor but then loses its track when he turns the corner after it. "Toto?", wonders Totodile for a split second before insanely running down the hall to its right as fast as possible. He comes across two security guards that are blocking the end of the hall which we can see leads to the ice.

"Whooooaaa there, little buddy. Where do you think you're going?", says the first bigger guard. "Do you think this is the pokemon mascot they said was coming?", wonders the second smaller Hispanic security guard. "I'm surprised it would be a Totodile, but the boss didn't say what kind of pokemon it would be...", says the first guard. "Alright... but take this flag with you", he tells the crazy little pokemon handing him an oversized Dallas Stars flag. It looks waaaaay too big for him, but his unbounded energy allows him not only to carry it, but also to jump and wiggle his feet while carrying it.

Now there's an example of why the insane fare better in athletics.

Music then begins to play as the PA tells the Stars fans to get up and cheer because the Dallas Stars dancers are coming out with a very special surprise. The security guard goes, "Uh oh.... they're starting. You better get out there little buddy", before shoving Totodile towards the ice as the Dallas Stars Ice Dancers are dancing and sliding all over the ice. "Totodile!", gasps Totodile at all the cheering masses looking on at the show while the straight women and gay men who are less interested in boobies are moving around and getting food before the start of the big game.

A big loud audience like this, though, is something that's right up Totodile's alley as it races onto the ice bouncing and slipping around while carrying the Stars flag drawing many cheers from the crowd. Team Toyboy, of course, has no idea that Totodile is out there until Misty spots Totodile on the television monitor skating around with the Dallas Stars flag. "Is that Totodile??", wonders Misty looking at the Totodile on the TV screen. "How did it get to the ice?", wonders Ranger Marshall Jenny. So they rush out to the door leading to the ice. The security bouncers let them right through as they rush to the ice with the pre-game act finishing.

Totodile gets a standing ovation at the end for holding its own with the bimbos on the ice. "Wow.... they really loved Totodile", observes Crystal who's almost right when it comes to the drunk 17,000 or so still filing in. They love the dancers...... they only respect Totodile. But that's still very impressive for a tough drunk crowd like this one. The security guards then approach the threesome and Jenny asking them if that's their Totodile because the boss is wondering what going on since the real pokemon mascot's trainer said it was sick and couldn't make it.

"I guess it has to be... I'm so sorry about this!", apologizes Crystal as the cheers grow louder as Totodile exits the stage. "Hey.... I just saw your Totodile break through to the ice and put on the show that it did. And I have to say, your Totodile is one of the most infectious cheerleaders I've ever seen", says a middle aged professional woman approaching all them. "Really", wonders Crystal as the woman intros herself as Jaime Brennan, the assistant General Manager of the Dallas Stars. She explains that the mascot they were supposed to have was ill but she was so excited that Totodile's insanity pumped so much energy into the act, she wants it to be an unofficial member of their big-breasted, long legged cheerleading squad for tonight. Since its such an important game, she needs the insane energy of Totodile to rub off on the fans.

Now that's an example of a hockey organization that uses its brain...... New York Rangers and Tampa Bay Lightning brass, take heed!

"That would be great", exclaims Crystal who then shares in Totodile's excitement telling it that he's going to tear up the ice. And if Totodile dances fast enough, he'll probably tear it to the point where no zamboni could fix it. "But what about us?", wonders Justin as Ranger Marshall Jenny assures them that Ms. Brennan can probably get them some tickets. Ms. Brennan admits though that since the game is so big it's going to be hard to find them seats but thinks she has a set of three seats still available that they can use. They thank her for her letting them freeload hockey tickets solely because they allowed their Totodile to wander as Crystal tells Totodile to behave and obey Jaime. Totodile responds by jumping wildly in excitement and shouting, "Toto-dile!"

Now tell me there are no perks in the sports world for TV stars....... ummm....... come on, now!........ well............

As that insanity takes place, more insanity is going on outside as TR seems to have escaped the angry drunk mob.... at a price. "Well, we finally seemed to get rid of those Dallas Stars fanatic losers", pants Jessie who's hair looks very teased and clothes look very dirty. James and Meowth also look the same as James responds to her, "It should be outlawed to give angry hockey fanatics hockey sticks", making yet another perhaps disturbing dodgy statement. Make of any possible raping and bestiality (concerning the also roughed up Meowth) what you will no matter where your mind lies right about now. Meowth perhaps makes things more suspicious when he suggests that they should just try to get into the arena because he wants to forget about what just happened to him.

So they make it to the main VIP gate where the guard holds them up and demands to know who they are. The helmet-clad Jessie then puts on her best Russian accent and proclaims, "I am the great Russian forward.... Jessie Rocketisov." "And me James Blastov, I no speak English good.... but play good hockey", adds James with a similar accent. The bouncer gets suspicious since he's never heard of those hockey players before. He tells them suspiciously, "I ain't ever heard of you. Either you're one of those maniacs that never scores and always picks fights or you're a LIAR!"

But Jessie grows impatient and shouts back out of disguised accent, "HEY.... ARE YOU GONNA LET US IN OR DO I HAVE TO PICK A FIGHT WITH YOU??!!!" James is somehow holding her back as the bouncer seems intimidated by this bossy redhead. He's probably not seen anyone this insanely angry since Dennis Potvin so he cowardly lets TR through figuring they're just lower end Red Wings rookies that he's never heard of. "Ok.... time to hit ice", says Russian James, "And grab the twerps' pokemon."

Meanwhile, the threesome is settling into their row ZZ seats though at least they're in the lower deck and not the upper. They all sit down as Sandshrew and Pikachu still have their Texas cowboy hats on as they watch on the laps of Crystal and Misty respectively. Crystal looks forward to the game as Justin looks forward to the fights as the MC introduces the Stars pep crew including Totodile scampering around with a flag and a miniature Stars road jersey making everyone cheer loudly as the young 'uns just adore the cute, crazy little Totodile on the ice.

Misty is impressed at how everyone is excited and amused at Totodile's antics. "Totodile's a born firestarter", adds Justin in some kind of irony. "<giggle> ... and a fire fighter", quips Cris-tal who's sipping on a coke. Wait a sec..... a coke?? I bet she spiked it with rum from her secret pouch. "Aaaaaannd now, Stars fans... the moment you've been waiting for. The big prrrriiize your home team won last year... the Stanley Cup!!", shouts the MC. So the handlers unveil the Stanley Cup catching the attention of Totodile and the threesome. "Wow... so that's what the Stanley Cup looks like live", states Justin while Crystal comments about its unbounded beauty.

"James... is that what I think it is??", beams Jessie with sparkly eyes as they've wandered into the view of the ice and the Stanley Cup. "It certainly is.... it's the Stanley Cup", says James excitedly as he tells them to imagine the kind of money they could get for that priceless artifact. "Pwiceless?? We'd nevuh hafta worry 'bout price uhgain", comments Meowth. "Woooooooooobbbuuuuhhffet!", adds Wobbuffet poignantly. Jessie then figures that they forget about Pikachu for now and go steal the Stanley Cup. "Woooooooooobb", states Wobbuffet interested in the precious cup.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon looks like a beheaded Cousin Itt.)

It's Swinub!!!............................. "Swiiiiinub!"

The MC then announces that the national anthem will be sung by the Captain and Tennille. But before that nightmare can be unleashed on us, Jessie and James snatch them, tie them up and lock them in a janitorial closet.... hopefully forever. They then come out on skates and full hockey gear they must've got at the sports store to mild cheers by all 36 Captain and Tennille fans. Everyone gasps wondering who those people are while the twerps are up in arms. "Oh no! That can't possibly be them", gasps Crystal angrily and slightly drunkenly. "Ohhh yes, I'm afraid it is", says Justin lacking energy.

"Why are those two players out on the ice??", wonders Ms. Brennan as they watch a nearby monitor around the locker room. Make of that what you will..... "Those aren't hockey players, they're impostors", declares the coach. "Uwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah", laughs our heroes as they're skating around the ice.

"Prepare for some Texas sized trouble"
"Team Rocket will check you and burst your bubble" TR begins passing around and skating with a puck.
"To protect our net with our stingiest d"
"To score enough goals to win MVP"
"To denounce penalties when players take a fall"
"To extend our possession winning faceoff draws"
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket shooting slapshots at the speed of light!", announces Jessie as she takes a blistering slap shot at the net being minded by Wobbuffet who's fully clad in Wobbuffet hockey goalie gear. However, he doesn't move thus allowing the puck to go in.

"DEY SCOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!! Team Rocket wins da Stanley Cup!", announces Meowth with a bright red vest and a matching red microphone. "We won. James... we did it... we won!", shouts Jessie with tears in her eyes. "I just have to thank everyone that worked so hard to make this moment possible........... myself! <sobbing>", sobs James as Jessie grabs the Stanley Cup and begins skating around with it excitedly. "Hey! You're not allowed out here touching that", shouts a security guard as a couple of them come charging towards them. "I wouldn't be manhandling us if I were you. Go Weezing!", shouts James uglifying the place and the cup with Weezing's presence. Weezing then floats right above the sacred hockey chalice as James warns everyone not to take another step or else Weezing will use explosion and damage the all precious Stanley Cup.

Before you root for the cup to be destroyed if you want it to, remember in the pokemon world that explosions only tire things out. Thus, Weezing wouldn't really explodes.... and yes... that is bollocks.

Everyone gasps that TR has taken the Stanley Cup hostage while Totodile angrily growls, "To-to", at them. The twerps meanwhile decide to screw the police and security process and come out to the ice and confront TR themselves. "Team Rocket!", shouts Cris-tal as Justin warns them to cut it out right now with the backing of Totodile. But Jessie warns them, "You better not try anything wise either twerps. Think of all the hockey legacy that'll be destroyed along with the Stanley Cup.

"What's going on?", wonders Mike Modano as both the Stars and the Red Wings hit the ice to see what all the commotion is about. "Heeeey.... you can't do that to the Stanley Cup. That's a sacred artifact. You cowards have no right to be anywhere near it", shouts Brett Hull. "Ahhh... the teams have taken the ice", observes Jessie. "Listen yas.... Team Rocket is now da Stanley Cup champines en if all of ya don't obey our every ordah, da cup will be histuhry", adds Meowth. "Wooooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet", then tells Wobbuffet with a salute. "I've always wanted to be a sports team manager", quips James excitedly. Well..... that's a given if I've ever written one for James.

Misty then looks concerned as she asks her fellow threesome members what can they do. "I don't know...... but somehow, we'd have to get Weezing away from that cup", states Crystal. "AHHH NO YA DON'T", shouts Meowth, "I know ya tryin' tah plot somethin', so I'm makin sure y'all march back into da lockuh room along wit' da Stars." "Let's go Staaaarrrs. Come with me or else....", threatens Jessie who kinda sounds like she's singing as she leads the Dallas Stars off the ice to a chorus of boos. "Now go wit' em!", Meowth commands the twerps. "You can't make us, Meowth", snaps back Justin. "I tink I can, can't I Weezing?", asks Meowth sadistically over to Weezing defacing the Stanley Cup with its hideous underbelly. "Weezhing", responds Weezing. "Woooooooobbbuuuuhhffet", responds Wobbuffet with a salute.

So the twerps along with Totodile are forced back into the Stars locker room with the Stars as Jessie and Wobbuffet follow them. And then, James then forces the Red Wings off the ice and back into their locker room to similar jeers but James doesn't care..... he gets a locker room of hall of fame athletes all to himself. He then makes a strange laugh before uttering, "Now I'm finally going to get those autographs I've always wanted."

Well.... even if this plot blows up, James may get something he's always wanted. So it'd still be a gay day for him. And remember, a gay day for James means a great day for dodgers.

James then tells Weezing that if anyone tries anything smart that it knows what to do. "Weezhing", obeys Weezing............ fortunately, security is keeping all the militant Weezing haters off the ice so it won't explode destroying the cup. Meowth objects to all the jeering trying to reason with them, "Aw, come on. Stop ya booin'..... we don't wanna take da cup away from ya. You all kin be our fans and celebrate us as we enjoy our Stanley Cup teft." But the talking scratch kitty just absorbs a shower of popcorn and beer as he's yapping.

Meanwhile, Jessie has the Dallas Stars and a very angry bunch of twerps tied up in the Stars locker room while Wobbuffet happily has its master's back. Jessie then laughs and then orders the Stars to listen up. "We went through the trouble of shoplifting this genuine Dallas Stars jersey from the first year you guys won the cup. At least.... that was all the mumbo jumbo that James was telling me.... But anyway, I would really appreciate it if the whole team signed the jersey", orders Jessie. "She wants a jersey signed by the whole team??", wonders Cris-tal. "They'll probably sell it. Jersey with that many autographs are bound to sell for a ton of cash", Justin tells her.

"Actually, I just wanted them to sign it cuz I wanted to steal the big one and look good doing it. But now that you mention that it's a gold mine, maybe I will sell it to a local pawn shop. There must be a ton in Texas...", says Jessie. "Wooooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet", exclaims Wobbuffet. "What are we going to do??", whispers Misty hopelessly. "Shreeww shrew", adds Sandshrew with the cowboy hat. "To-to-dile!", exclaims Totodile though muzzled as it struggles to bounce around. "Hey... calm down you!", orders Jessie as she tries to deal with the insanely happy one. But it seems that somehow, Totodile's given hockey star Mike Modano an idea....

"Hey Jessie..... you've been chasing after that Pikachu and its friends for a long time, haven't you?", asks Mike. "Honestly..... it's felt like an eternity. You have no idea how tough this little Pikachu is", says Jessie laughing it off before turning to Pikachu in its little sombrero. "Well I've read about and seen what the three of you go through. And I must say, Team Rocket is the most entertaining group of villainous failures of all time", Mike tells her, "Your stories and plans just brighten my son's day." "Oh really? Well.... hah hah... Team Rocket always makes sure to never be dull", laughs Jessie bashfully as she seems really interested in the rich hockey star.

"I mean... you're great in your own way. And I think you should get a round of applause on the ice for that", says Mike. "You really think so?", wonders Jessie as Wobbuffet answers her, "Wooooobbbuuhh". "Sure... you'll get a moment on the ice that you truly deserve", says Mike. "Oh boy", shouts Jessie excitedly as Mike says that he and Totodile can lead them onto the ice. Jessie accepts and so she frees Mike Modano and Totodile warning the others that if they go anywhere, then the cup goes ka-boom.

Meanwhile, in the Red Wings locker room with James............. oh man.... writing that gives me dodgy chills down my spine.

James then demands one thing out of the entire team that he has been dreaming about for years.....................................

........................

........................ a Red Wings jersey signed by the whole team.

"Come on... sign it.... or suffer the consequences!", he shouts pressuring one of their rookies to sign the jersey though his hands are tied. "Mwahahahahhaaaaaahh.... now I'll be the ultimate Team Rocket thief and collector!", he shouts diabolically............ well diabolically for James. The door then swings open and then Jessie tells James that the Stars want to honor them for their years of dedication. "Really?", wonders James. Mike Modano confirms her statement and suggests that he take Brett Hull since he's such a big fan of the Red Wings sniper. "Ooooooohh... I'm there", states James gayly, "You're coming with me, Hull." James then grabs Brett Hull and they head out for the ice.

Mike Modano and Totodile come out with Modano telling Totodile to cheer for their guests like it normally would. Modano calms the fears of the crowd insuring the safety of the players and well-being of the fans to keep them from throwing any more beer bottles. "Huh? Wat's goin' on?", wonders Meowth as Modano tells them that tonight they're getting recognized for their entertaining antics during all their heists. "Well I gotta say..... it is a sitcom puttin up wit dose characters everyday", says Meowth.

"Ladies and gentlemen", announces Modano, "This is Team Rocket.... hold on... I'm not becoming a bad guy. I just want to say that their undying quest to capture that young girl's pokemon is tremendous. And while they constantly break the rules because they were mistreated as children, we've still laughed with them.... cried with them.... not to mention defeated them more often than even the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. So please, let's show these showmen that there's no hard feelings and give them a round of applause."

So TR receives worthy applause as Mike Modano and Brett Hull tour them around the ice with Totodile dancing and leaping around leading them all on. "It feels good to finally be appreciated for what we're so bad at", says Jessie. "This would be a great way to kick off a Villain Appreciation Day holiday", sniffs James feeling so happy as he's got his man, Brett Hull right beside him. "Wooooooobbbuuhhffet", adds Wobbuffet walking behind them with its goalie gear still on. Modano then suggests why stop at the humans and give the TR pokemon some credit. "Yeeeah.... especially since I desoive all da credit most uh da time", utters Meowth as he takes a bow and thanks the public. "Wooooooooobbuuh woooooobb", salutes Wobbuffet happily acknowledging the audience.

Modano then suggests that Weezing float up out of the cup and receive some applause as well. So Weezing floats up just a little above the cup as it looks around and finds significantly less cheers from the audience. And in this opening, Mike Modano shouts, "Totodile, NOW!", and Totodile uses its water gun knocking Weezing away from the Stanley Cup it was practically sitting in as TR just looks stunned. "Oh no!", shouts Jessie as Meowth shouts for somebody to grab that cup. "I'll get it!", shouts James as he stumbles and slides over to the cup before Mike Modano tells Jimmy-boy, "You'll get nothing from us!", and he checks him into the glass like a wrecking ball causes James to make some strange shouting noises before falling to the ground perhaps minus a couple of well-brushed teeth.

Mike then takes the cup to the cheers of all the sinister, blood-thirsty hockey fans escaping with it off the ice as it will have to be sterilized ASAP. "We got blindsided and flattened", stumbles Meowth. "All right... let's go, the three of you", shouts the security dude as two or three of them try to put their hands on Jessie. "Get..... OFF... ME!", shouts Jessie angrily as she gets aggressive and shakes off all the security in a feat of anger and sexual frustration, "I'm not leaving without the cup OR those autographed jerseys!"

Back in the locker rooms, Crystal and the Stars are seeing what's happening on the ice via a TV. "That was a great plan..... and he handled Totodile very well", compliments Crystal. "Totodile also played his part perfectly", Misty informs us. "Leave it to Modano to get out of tough jams by using his head...", says Derian Hatcher kind of jokingly. Crystal then directs traffic as she states that they have to pull this off quickly while she and Justin free first themselves, then the Dallas Stars with their overly sharpened skate blades. The Stars then thank the threesome as the ex-New Jersey Devil Bill Guerin tells Sandshrew and Pikachu that he really likes their hat. And as expected, they responds in their cute little pokemon language as they stand right next to each other with no space between them.

Crystal then tells Misty to go to the Red Wings locker room and free the other team to which Misty eagerly agrees with a smile for her good friend. She then tells her that Justin and her will take care of TR. "Let's go", commands Crystal as Justin is reduced now to taking orders from a girl that she can't even sleep with.

Back on the ice, TR is moping about how they allowed themselves to be tricked. "I can't believe we were set up like that by big dumb hockey meatheads", mopes James. "Stop sniveling, James. We can still tear this little rink up and still cause super Team Rocket trouble", shouts Jessie. "Woooooobb", mutters Wobbuffet for no good reason. "Speakin' uh which... I shudduh tah tink what kinda trouble dose hockey goons have got in store fuh us", says Meowth. "Wooooobbbuuuhh", utters Wobbuffet again while Brett Hull tells them from just off the ice, "Oh don't worry... we've got a power play for you."

Totodile stands before him before hopping away from him and towards the ice. Justin and Crystal then skate onto the ice in some hockey gear as Totodile follows them going insane around the ice yet doesn't slip to the ground once. "The game's over, Team Rocket!!", Crystal shouts to them.... or probably Jessie imparticular since they are the bitterest of rivals. "It's time that we gave you a major penalty for your obstruction of this game!", adds Justin as the hockey terms begin to weigh down on the reader or viewer.

Crystal then has Totodile shoot them with his water gun soaking Team Rocket and with the cold conditions of the ice makes them shiver. But then Justin makes it even colder as he calls out Nidoqueen who roars out of her pokeball. Justin then commands Nidoqueen to ice punch TR and her paw glows white before hitting TR with enough force to shake her boobies and send TR all the way into the net. "Now our warm reception has gotten really cold", mutters Jessie as she, James, Meowth, Weezing, and Wobbuffet are all scrunched into the net. "Wooooooobbbuuuhhffet", adds Wobbuffet all shaken up.

Totodile then runs up behind the net and tackles TR out of it as they land in a deliciously sexy pile out on the ice. Crystal then turns the honors over to Pikachu and Sandshrew who then electrocute and slash TR while the crowd that includes children cheers for the horrifically violent attacks. TR at this point is all but shot down as they look very weary. "Toto", then says Totodile standing before TR as his snout begins to glow. "Huh?", utters Jessie as she can barely look up at the tiny water pokemon.

"What's happening?? Is Totodile evolving?", wonders Crystal as dodgers everywhere may fear that Totodile's craziness will be lost the same route that Koffing's smile was lost..... to evolution. But Justin points out that he believes that Totodile has just learned how to use hydro pump..... it's most powerful attack. "Hydro pump?? That sounds like a slammin' attack", remarks Crystal confusing the attack with sexual terms making her line all the more dodgier. She then has Totodile use its hydro pump attack and Totodile arcs his head back and then releases an insanely powerful blast of water that's even bigger than his water gun (if you can imagine it). The attack pushes TR up and out through a tiny sunroof though Totodile's attack never aims up and thus making it more convenient to move the plot along.

"Eck! Dere's so much watuh on me dat I could wring it intuh a cup!", complains Meowth as TR's floating above the Dallas skyline. "I would have to say that this was a better than average day despite the beating we took", states James humbly. "Why would you say that?", says Jessie looking annoyed. "Though I didn't get his autograph..... I still met Brett Hull", he says as he begins to smile a little at the thought of him.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting out of Texaaaasss" "Woooooobbuuuuhh!!!"

After smiling while watching TR get blasted away, Totodile celebrates and then dances around really quickly to get the crowd excited again. Mike Modano and Brett Hull let out a huge sigh of relief that nothing horrible happened to them or the cup. Brett Hull has extra reason to be relieved unless he has a secret yearning for James. But then Crystal then tells them that TR isn't so scary once you get used to them as Misty and the hockey players come back into the open corridor just before the ice. "I guess you're right..... it's pretty much the same deal with Derian (Hatcher)", quips Mike as Brett nods as well.

Misty yells over to them that both teams have some things for them. Derian then tells them that since they helped them out with lending them the crowd sparkplug, Totodile, and because they helped get rid of TR, both teams wanted to thank them. They present the threesome with jerseys autographed by everyone on both teams and ol' Billy Guerin also has a cute little necklace for Totodile. "Hey.... this is great", compliments Crystal as Guerin tries to give Totodile the necklace but Totodile is jumping around too fast to receive it. “We’ll never forget you, Totodile”, finishes Mr. Modano as Totodile rejoices by wiggling around shouting, “To-to-diiile totototototototodile!”

"Hey.... let's get a group photo!", says Justin pressuring the players for more memorabilia. Misty's okay with as Mike Modano asks the audience if they want to see a group photo with them and the pokemon threesome and crew. The audience is skeptical at first about these pokemon kids that happen to wander into freeloader situations concerning concert and sporting venues but then Totodile starts hopping around again making everybody cheer and careless about it. So then the threesome smiles and is happy at the reaction Totodile has drawn for them.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon is glow in the dark.... shiny at nighttime good.)

It's Umbreon!!!.............................................. "Umbreon"

Once the racket caused by Totodile over and over has calmed down a bit, the threesome, Pikachu, Sandshrew, and Totodile take their seats and wait for the game to finally begin. "I've said it before, though not to you guys, but I'll say it again. I just love the sport of hockey", quotes Justin. Misty then tells him with a sly smile that maybe somebody's interested in trying out for a hockey team. "Who..... me?", wonders Justin astonished, "No way, man. I could lose my teeth.... or get checked and be seriously hurt. Only crazy people do that!" "Saaashreeeww?", wonders Sandshrew questioning Justin’s manhood. "On second thought, I think that someone should stick to pokemon training....", sighs Misty.

Crystal then points out to the redhead and the sissy that the opening faceoff is about to take place. And they turn their attention to the game and start rooting for nobody imparticular including Totodile who's running insanely back and forth in the front press area getting a lot of noise out of Stars fans with his little jersey on and carrying his big flag. That just goes to show you that psychotic, obsessed animals and/or in this case pokemon can incite a colossal amount of noise when they're at their craziest.

And in case you want to know who won the game..... the Red Wings won 65.7 to .00033443 X 10^3. And if you want a realistic score and be a huge buzzkill.... Stars 4-3. And if you want stats, highlights, and scores??? Watch SportsCenter or your local sports show you f*cknut!