Off the Wailmer

Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 50!!!

OFF THE WAILMER

After the twerps enjoy all the hockey maniacs beat the hell out of each other, they said good-bye and stuff and then left Texas to head for New York City. And when they hit a beach line while flying on Dragonite, they think they've hit the Atlantic coast already. "Wow...... we're at the ocean already. This must be the Jersey shore!", remarks Justin, "Let's land, Dragonite!" And so they land on the beach that they think is the Jersey shore. "Are you sure this is near New York? That wasn't really a long flight...", questions Misty.

Cristal then adds, "And I've seen the Jersey shore before and this water looks pretty blue", probably knowing somehow that the water from the Jersey shore is alarmingly similar to bong water. If you haven't figured anything out yet, Justin's about to make a big fool out of himself....

"Don't worry, Cris..... Misty.... I'm the best orienteer the pokemon leagues have ever seen", brags Justin. "Pikachu?", wonders Pikachu while Sandshrew has his hand on its sweet butt. You can't see it but it easy to visualize from the angle on the screen. That is when a middle aged man in nothing more than swim trunks come up to them. Don't worry.... I promise that he's not disgusting. Though he's no Baywatch babe, either. "Excuse me there, ladies and gentlemen. But if you guys are gonna land here and hit the beach, you're goin' to have to pay for badges", says the man.

"Oh?", wonders Misty while Sandshrew says something mundanely..... hard to tell where his left paw is..... it probably didn't move. "Sure, we'd love to spend a day at the beach. Come on, you guys will love the Jersey shore!", states Justin. "Pikaaaa", shouts Pikachu proudly that it'll get to bronze its yellow skin/fur. "Jersey shore? What're ya talkin' about?", wonders the man looking at this crazy tall young man. "Well then..... if we're not at the Jersey shore, then where are we?", fears Justin. "We could be anywhere", states Crystal sighing and wondering if they've run into a narc.

"This here is the beautiful shoreline of Grand Isle, Louisiana", the guy tells them identifying himself as Dr. Gauthier (Go-tee-ay). The threesome promptly falls over as Sandshrew scratches his head wondering what all the fuss is about. "Louisiana isn't even close to the direction we had to go to get to New York...", comments Misty. “You‘re lucky we didn‘t end up in Mexico!”, then scolds Cris-tal. "Wait a second, if you're a doctor..... then why are you doing badge duty on a remote beach?", asks Justin getting up promptly. "Well son", addresses Dr. Gauthier like an old man to a little boy, "I'm the head lifeguard of the beaches around here but I'm also a marine pokeologist."

Misty hears the magic word and then says delightedly, "Ahhh.... You must study water pokemon!" "Yes.... and I'm actually here to study some abnormal activity going on off the shore", the doc says. "What kind of abnormal activity?", wonders Crystal intuitively. "I'll have to see it when I get out there, but if you're going to stay, then enjoy the beach", Dr. Gauthier tells them. "Mis-drrreeeeaaa-vuuus!", croons Misdreavus coming out of her pokeball. "Well what are we waiting for....", states Justin as he throws off his attire, "... it's beach hoppin time!"

WARNING!! Cuteness alert! Pikachu and Sandshrew then pop up with shades and miniature Speedos on ready to enjoy their day at the beach.

Hmm.... maybe that should've read dodginess alert..... lousy TYPO!!! Why I oughta choke you! <chokes typo>

 

<cue intro>

 

To make the threesome more accommodated to the beach, they suddenly have beach chairs, towels, and a boombox out of nowhere. Gotta love those Pokemon plot holes!!! Justin receives the badges from Dr. Gauthier as he then asks the two girls, "Come on, you girls. Don't you wanna work on your tan or something?" Misty then giggles at Crystal before they both throw off their clothes revealing their swimsuits. "I'm sure we can all have some fun.... even our pokemon", suggests Crystal. Justin pauses for a moment before Dr. Gauthier tells them not to be afraid and let their pokemon out. And so they thank Dr. Gauthier in spite of what all their crazy circus act pokemon what might do on the beach. "Alright... let's have some fun... along with some ol' school tunes from Micheal Jackson", shouts Justin. "You mean back when he looked normal?", wonders Misty. "Exactly!", answers Justin.

So Justin plays the 1980 hit "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough" on the boombox they got out of nowhere as they then have a fun time on the beach. And as the ol' school beats and high pitched voice of a young Jacko ring in your ear, Misty runs out to the shoreline and throws out all her pokemon including Corsola squealing, "Corsolaaaa!", Staryu stating, "Hyaa!", Seadra crying, "Doo doooo!", and Togetic flapping happily at Misty chirping, "Togetrrrrrric..... toge." Psyduck also comes out happily looking at the inviting water wanting to get it so it can panic for its life in the water. But after it takes its first step, it trips over itself and lands bill first on the sand. "Psyyyy-duck", moans the yellow feathered, big headed pokemon.

Cris and Justin set up their magically appearing beach chairs as Misdreavus admires the studly looks of her trainer. Justin laughs it off and tries to hold off the ghost (needless to say unsuccessfully). But when he does get free for a moment he lets out his other pokemon, Dragonite, Kabutops, Nidoqueen, Hoothoot, and Raticate. They all go about the beach except for Hoothoot who stays on Justin's shoulder and gets some food from Justin. This doesn't suit Misdreavus very well so she finds the bag of bird food that Justin's feeding Hoothoot and tries to figure out what to do with it since ghost pokemon can't eat of course. So Misdreavus just ends up staring at the bird feed trying to fathom what it is.

Then it's Cris-tal's turn to let out her pokemon as Pikachu and Sandshrew go out to flirt in the sand. Then Totodile comes out with the Stars jersey he wore from last episode. He goes out to shake his tail and play in the water until he stops dead in his tracks to realize something....... his jersey is getting soaked causing all kinds of fabric damage I'm sure. Horrified at the thought of a saltwater soaked hockey jersey, Totodile tosses off the jersey relieved that it's off. He relaxes for a rare moment thankful that he's not soaking his jersey anymore until he realizes that he threw the jersey into the water around him and that it's floating away. But when Totodile goes to look for it, the jersey has already been carried away with the current.

Fortunately for Cris-tal, it's not the valuable team autographed jersey which she was surely going to sell for some more weeeeeeed.

Totodile pauses to mourn his loss for a couple seconds..... before forgetting all about it and resuming his regular crazy splashing for no reason. Then the other pokemon, Cyndaquil, Noctowl, and Bulbasaur come out for their tans. Misty, Justin, Dragonite, Bulbasaur, and well....... Psyduck sort of, throw around the frisbee as we see Bulbasaur catching it and tossing it off with its vines at Justin who runs to get it.

As they're throwing around the frisbee, good ol' Cris-tal is lying on her beach chair getting a tan instead of having fun with the other pokemon and people. A good indication of being too cracked out.... We see more fun as Sandshrew and Pikachu roll around and play in the sand indicating that Sandshrew is welcoming his bitch into his world while Cyndaquil yawns in front of all this curling up into a pudgy little ball for a nap. In the water with Totodile is the majority of Misty's pokemon.... namely, Corsola and Seadra. They're happily uttering their catch cries until they witness something strange going on off in the distance. So the oft ignored pokemon of a supporting character go to investigate what it is.

Surviving those famous Louisiana riptides <slight chuckle>, Corsola and Seadra find out that it's a bunch of blue, oddly-shaped fish type pokemon that are jumping around seeming to follow some kind of moving blob in the water. Corsolaaa", wonders the little piece of bubble gum while Seadra opens its dirty mouth some more answering, "Doo dooooo." And so they go back to report this activity to Misty.

Back on shore, we see Justin running and catching a frisbee near the water. "Alright Misty.... that was a tough throw but I'm really gonna make you run now", declares Justin. "Bring it on, Justin. Mighty Misty is ready for anything that you can throw at me", shouts back Misty. "Alrighty", figures Justin as he slings the frisbee far away from Misty towards the Gulf of Mexico as Misty runs to get it. She's on her way to tracking down the frisbee that Justin has thrown making the two of them competitive and ignoring the other pokemon that were playing. But just before Misty gets there, poor Psyduck is standing there right in Misty's way. "Aaahhhh... Psyduck, look out!", shouts Misty. "Psy?? Psy-duuuuuck!", utters Psyduck before going into panic flapping its useless wings wildly instead of trying to get out of the way. Thus, Misty ends up tripping over the confused birdbrain and gets a faceful of muddy sand ending up with a premature facial spa treatment.

Justin winces at the nasty fall that Misty takes while she quips, "Well Psyduck, I guess I'm now the headache trainer of the headache pokemon." "Psy-duck??", asks Psyduck holding his head in its usual confusion. Corsola and Seadra then come over to report their sightings to Misty. "Huh?", wonders Misty, "Corsola, Seadra, what's up?" "Doo doooo", Seadra tells Misty wanting her to come with them and check out what they saw out in the gulf. "There's something out there going on in the water?", wonders Misty. "Corsolaaa", replies Corsola. "I guess we should check it out...", figures Misty as Justin agrees.

But just before they set out, Crystal wakes up from Neverneverland and asks them what's going on. "There must be some kind of trouble out in the water", Justin tells her. "Uh oh...", figures Crystal leaving Sandshrew and Pikachu behind so they can stay alone..... Nevermind the distraction of pokelove, Corsola and Seadra's little sighting is drawing a party because coming over to check out the powwow is Dr. Gauthier. "What's wrong, you guys?", wonders the doctor. "There must be some kind of disturbance out there", Misty tells him. "Say.... do you think that this is that abnormal activity you were talking about??", wonders Justin. "That's what it sounds like...", comments Dr. Gauthier.

"Alright.... Staryu!", Misty calls out as Staryu floats over responding, "Hya!" Misty tells it to follow Corsola and Seadra out there as she dives in and clamps onto the living ninja weapon with a brace over one of its five legs for no good reason. Justin then calls over Dragonite with the pink disco goggles who'll carry the doctor and 'Cris' out there and then he has Kabutops swim him out there.

So while the twerps are washing themselves out to sea, we shift our attention to TR who we've never seen get a chance to wash or shower themselves... the poor things. They're floating over the swampy Louisiana bayou in their happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon. "Geez, loot at all this swampy marshland", comments Jessie who then yells at Meowth, "Meowth??!! Are you SURE the twerps went this way??" "Dat's what my detectuh's sayin'", answers the talking feline. "Maybe they're heading for Mardi Gras...", suggests James. "Wobbuhhffeet!", agrees Wobbuffet popping out.

"Mardi Gras?", wonders Jessie before shouting happily, "Ahaaa.... that's the biggest party in the world!" And if Jessie were to arrive, it'd also be the happiest party in the world. A fake Mardi Gras background then shows up as J & J put on their most colorful Mardi Gras clothing complete with orange and blue and purple and green and of course, pink. "With Team Rocket at Mardi Gras, it'll be a fiesta", decrees Jessie. "We'll snatch those twerps' pokemon and have a big New Orleans fest-a", adds James. "Wooooobbbuuuh!", adds Wobbuffet with a weird party hat on.

But Jessie tells Wobbo that this isn't a party for Wobbuffets. And when night falls, it won't be a party for anyone under 18..... And so, Wobbuffet goes back into its pokeball for the time being. "Da twoips must be on dere way to Nawlins!", states Meowth. "Then let's follow the twerps... it'll be smooth sailing ahead!", commands Jessie. "Ay ayy", responds James and Meowth obeying the dominant one on their way to debauchery and male hookers cuz our TR obviously won't be involved in all this showing beads and stuff...... they wouldn't break our hearts like that.

Jessie then feels something hit the balloon making their ride just barely less than smooth which don't sit well with her. "What was that??", she wonders. "I didn't feel nuttin'", replies Meowth. "That's because your head's too small... go up there and find out what it is", demands Jessie. "But Jessie, how kin I git up dere witout poppin' da balloon wit' my claws?", asks Meowth uneager to climb up there. "Jessie... Meowth's right. What on God's green Earth is going to float onto the top of our balloon that's going to give us trouble?", asks James as Jessie is about to sock him until they hear some mysterious noises coming from the top of the balloon that makes them all groggy.

"I dunno but whatevuh it is, it's gettin me tah take a catnap", sighs Meowth. "The balloon's going down", tries to panic James but instead just falls exhausted to sleep next to Meowth. "So are we", groans Jessie half-unconscious as they fall along with their balloon crashing into the bayou near the shore where the twerps stood. And while TR lays asleep with their damaged balloon, emerging from the rubber and plastic is the only thing in this series that's capable of something like this and can appear in this series from anywhere whenever I feel like it.......... Jigglypuff!!!

"Jiggly??", asks the curious little sleep-inducing balloon pokemon who also seems to have just barely picked up the twerps' trail. She then looks over at TR sleeping which makes her angry and FLASH!!!........... they get marker ink with dodgy symbols all over their faces. As if TR needed to be any more suggestive to the young 'uns that this show allegedly was for. Jigglypuff then wanders off towards some other part of America which we do not know yet.

Meanwhile, the twerps are chasing after the scene of wildly acting water pokemon out in the gulf. "There... there it is!", proclaims Dr. Gauthier. "It's a bunch of water pokemon jumping around out of the water.... I've never really seen a pokemon sight like that", says Justin. "Those are Remoraids", gasps Misty surprised at the weird looking ritual thing that the.......... blue hooks.... they look like blue hooks.... or better yet... they're just FREAKS!!! Freaks that Crystal deems worthy of looking up in the Pokedex... but freaks nonetheless.

Remoraid - the jet pokemon - Using its dorsal fins as a, suction pad, Remoraid clings to a Mantine's, underside to scavenge for leftover, food.

As usual, Misty praises the coolness of these freaky water pokemon for no reason. "Remoraids usually travel the waters to get the excess food from Mantines. They can provide for so many of them. But I don't understand why they'd be jumping around like that?", wonders the doctor explaining Remoraids to be little more than parasitic underwater non-evil Togepis. "Do you think that they're trying to stay with a Mantine??", thinks Crystal with her new knowledge from the pokemon world library fit into a palm pilot like device called the Pokedex. Justin then notices something swim by underwater that's shaped like a Mantine. "Hey look..... do you think that's the Mantine those Remoraids are after??", asks Justin. "It probably is....", believes Cris-tal. Dr. Gauthier looks closer at the shadow in the water as if there's something wrong with this Mantine.

So then the shadow that all the Remoraid are scavenging after and attacking swims up and is about to make its presence totally seen to the twerps. So Mantine jumps out of the water gracefully and...... wait a f*ckin second...... IT DOESN'T JUMP GRACEFULLY!!! And this Mantine looks FAT... no... OBESE!!!.... and OFF-COLORED... and there are no patterns on its back..... and it's also running away from the school of Remoraid like a little bitch. And as Dr. Gauthier notes after Misty sees that its in pain, it's not even a frikkin Mantine!!! Crystal pauses for a second to feel the relapses of her last coke binge, and then has another mental acid trip seeing a pokemon that has not been seen, played, or made official in the western hemisphere. "Uhhhohhhh.... if that's not a Mantine, then.... what is it??", wonders Crystal as she flips out her pokedex again.

Wailmer - the baby whale pokemon - Wailmers have a valve on, their backs which release, excess, water. Little else is known about this, newly discovered pokemon.

"A Wailmer??", wonders Crystal as Misty goes on about the cuteness of this pokemon, too. "Now I understand.... those Remoraids are after that Wailmer, but why?", wonders Dr. Gauthier. "Well we have that Wailmer get rid of these Remoraids or it'll be in real trouble!", says Justin alertly as the Remoraids begin attacking the Wailmer. So Misty helps the coot lil' Wailmer and has Corsola use its bubble attack to scare some of them off. It batters a few of them but they still persist after Wailmer who begins to sweat out of nervousness.

The doctor observes that they need more than just one pokemon fighting off the dozen or so Remoraids that are stalking the Wailmer. So Crystal has Totodile race ahead of her as she rides retro Dragonite and use its insanely powerful water gun. So Totodile gets so excited that he walks on water for a while before diving in, setting its target, and picking off a couple of Remoraid. Justin also gets into the action sending Kabutops and Dragonite ahead abandoning their poke life rafts leaving them alone to swim for themselves.... (they're good swimmers, they'll be fine).

Corsola continues to battle taking on a couple Remoraids with its bubbles, Kabutops slashes a couple others, Totodile water guns another pair or so, and then the big time playa with da big ass goggles takes care of the rest blowing the rest of them away for now with its blizzard attack. Or to Dragonites everywhere, an ugly orange crush....... unless that's hyper beam..... whateva. Crystal breathes a sigh of relief commenting about how there were so many of them and then congratulates all the pokemon that took place in the assault.

Wailmer then gives out a little whimper scared to death after being mugged by dozens of freak pokemon. "Oh no.... Wailmer doesn't look so good", comments Justin. "Oh the poor thing. It must be scared to death", utters an extra-sympathetic Misty. Dr. Gauthier insists that he'd better go check on it to make sure it's alright. So he slowly approaches the shaken little baby (or little bitch depending on it currently unknown age) who initially slowly backs away from Mr. Louisiana Baywatch. "It's scared", notices Justin as Wailmer continues to back up until Dr. Gauthier brings out something universally subduing to pokemon.... Great tasting pokechow. Wailmer cautiously approaches the fingerful of dog meat with nervous whimpers as it then consumes the chow and gains some trust of the pokeologist turned lifeguard.

"Wailmer's cooperating with Dr. Gauthier", says Misty hopefully. "That's a good start", agrees Cris-tal now swimming up next to Misty as they get really......... close...... The doctor pets Wailmer as he then tells the threesome that they're going to have to bring it closer to the shore where it'll be safer. So they obey him as they all board their pokemon while Corsola and Seadra help carry the fat Wailmer back to shore. So the twerps head back for the shore where Sandshrew and Pikachu will be together waiting for them.............

Umm............ on second thought, they'll be together.... but they just might not exactly be waiting....

So the twerps arrive at the shoreline where most of the pokemon are still playing. Though.... say... Pikachu and Sandshrew aren't around..... that's odd <sarcasm>! Onshore, we see Misty trying to comfort poor Wailmer assuring it that they'll make sure it'll be alright as Corsola and Seadra guard it from the Remoraid freak baddies. "Those Remoraids were just all over it as if they wanted something from Wailmer.... just like what Dexter said about Remoraids depending on Mantines for food", figures Crystal actually able to make a serious complex hypothesis while she's relatively cleaned up for the moment.

"I think your observation has made it clear to me why those Remoraids were attacking Wailmer", concludes Dr. Gauthier. "Really??", answers Crystal having no idea about what she just theorized. "That should be your first clue to figuring out why those Remoraids were after Wailmer in the first place", explains Dr. Baywatch lifeguard. "What? You mean the Pokedex??", figures Justin as we see Misty back with the rest of the threesome.

"I understand.... considering that I know quite a bit about water pokemon", brags Misty calmly as Cris-tal agrees "Yep". "She's the expert", endorses Justin as Misty explains that Remoraids usually flock to Mantines for food and protection. But she goes to say that the problem is when Wailmer is swimming around in the water, its shadow, swimming style, and figure look so similar to Mantines that the Remoraids mistook it for a Mantine and kept bothering it for food and needs that they ended up harassing poor Wailmer leaving it in a bad situation.

So now not only are Remoraids freaks of pokenature, not only are they parasitic scumbags, but now they're as dumb as a high-school educated Ash Ketchum and can't even identify a f*ckin Mantine when they see one.

"Ohh... so it's all a case of mistaken identity", acknowledges Cris-tal. "Yeah Cris, basically", adds Justin. Misty then asks the doctor how he's going to help the Wailmer. But the doctor responds that since little is known about Wailmer, he's not quite sure what to do.... even marine pokeologists are unfamiliar with the new Pokemon Advance water pokemon. Justin suggests that maybe they should get Wailmer to the nearest Pokemon Center for now. That is until Dr. Gauthier informs them that the nearest one is 50 miles away and Wailmer's a little too big and way too fat and dumb-looking to ride aboard the Dragonite express. Besides, the doctor explains that Wailmer must stay wet enough to keep its exterior blubber from drying out.

So the twerps think a little bit harder before Misty comes up with a suggestion for Dr. Gauthier. She proposes that maybe the Remoraids need to find actual Mantines to sustain life off of which leads to her suggestion that they try to find and catch a couple of them. "Hmmm", hmms Justin approvingly as Misdreavus comes over and looks at him approvingly. He immediately returns Misdreavus to his pokeball but not before feeling uneasy about his stalking ghost pokemon as Dr. Gauthier tells them, "Well, if we're going to get some Mantines, I have a somewhere we could go right now!"

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This little pokemon can fit a Bentley in its jaw though its crazier younger form can dance on water.)

It's Croconaw!!............................................ "Crrrocko-naw!"

 

With the twerps all but ignoring Pikachu and unaware of TR and Jigglypuff, TR wakes up after a Jigglypuff napping and defaming doodle session. "Hoohhhh great.... now we've crashed in this stupid bayou!", complains Jessie, "And that's not even the worst part." "I know.... now we'll never follow the twerps to New Orleans", sobs James as dodgers sob for him since they'll never be able to see him indulge himself in the mega-dodginess of Mardi Gras. "I wasn't talking about that... I mean that there are lots of dangerous Feraligators said to be swimming around here. If we bump into one, it'll attack my hair.... and it'll be RUINED!!!!", fears Jessie. "Don't worry, Jessie. If dat happens, den we kin kidnap a hair stylist en make a new hair-do for ya", offers Meowth.

"I don't want a new hairstyle, I want my old hair!", shouts Jessie enraged and smacking Meowth around. "I guess Jessie doesn't actually mind gray hair, then", figures James as they hear something rustling around in the sand. "What was dat??", alertly wonders Meowth. "Oh no.... it's a Feraligator!", panics Jessie who tries to jump into Meowth's arms though the kitty can't hold her. James and Meowth also shiver in fear as Meowth slowly combs aside the cattails obstructing their view to see what is going on.

But instead of Feraligator ripping Jessie's luscious hair to shreds, they happen to stumble upon our favorite pokemon item..... Sandshrew and Pikachu. "Huh??", wonders Meowth sounding astonished as James and Jessie (reluctantly) crawl over to look. "I don't believe it... it's Pikachu!", notes James happily. "And Sandshrew, too!", adds Jessie sounding mad relieved. "Whaddaya guys tink dey're doin' playin' next to da sea? Witout da twoips I should add...", asks Meowth. "I think for us to take them to the boss for a phat bonus", answers James using ghetto slang but just making the ghetto look insulting.

"Ah yes..... it would be such a joy to catch those two powerful cuties next to the sea", states Jessie which begins to commence w/o a shadow of a doubt...... the strangest, silliest, and maybe even one of the dodgiest spur of the moment TR musical numbers with a fake yet colorful backdrop. But that's getting a bit ahead of ourselves... let's finish the dialogue. "What do you mean, Jessie?", wonders James. "I mean... it doesn't have to be some boring heist in a boring place. We're next to the sea!!! And we can sing about it happily before we get the twerps' pokemon", exclaims Jessie as Wobbuffet comes out joyously.

We then hear an island/Jamaican beat similar to the 'Under the Sea' rhythm from The Little Mermaid. "Daaah... don't tell me you're actually gonna sing", wonders Meowth alertly. The background changes from bayou to bustling oceanside pokemon community with tropical instruments for James and Meowth to play. TR by the way has changed its shirts to Hawaiian tropical shirt and James has expectedly changed his pants in for short short short short short short short short short short, you can almost see his bikini line short, white shorts. Jessie then unleashed her angelic voice..... of sorts. Imagine her voice to be what you will....

"Down by the sea...."
"Down by the sea.... ha haaah"
"Face it, it's hotter without no coppers or twerps to seeeeee"
"En when Sanshrew comes at us full force...", adds Meowth with a rhythm taking over for Jessie for the moment as he strums a stringed fishbone with his claw.
"We'll just snatch Pikachu of course!", and now Jessie resumes the singing.
"It will be a great time without spending a dime"
"Down by the seeeeaaaaaa"

"The Remoraids squirt..... Dunsparce digs the dirt", Jessie shows her Dunsparce digging around in the dirt while observing everything.
"What's that over there?", sings Jessie as Meowth answers, "A Wailmer... dat's rare!"
"We'll steal that as well.... and ring Victreebels", sings James in his infamous shorts showing Victreebel who promptly screams and eats his head.
"The boss will give praise and also a raise", Jessie resumes singing.
"Dat Wailmer's got friends...", sings Meowth about Seadra and Corsola with it.
"There of that red-heads", points out Jessie still in song.
"Then we'll swipe that horde and score us two more"
"With no twerps around.... we'll all feel quite sound"
"Cuz don't forget we're.....", sings Jessie. "WOOOOOOOOBBB!", shouts Wobbuffet saluting.

"... Down by the sea", sings Jessie in a higher key. "Down by the sea", adds back-up voices James and Meowth.
"Down by the sea!"..... "Down by the sea"
"I am so happy that I can relax now.... right at the beeeeaach" "Down by the sea"
"What do they got? A lot of sand..."
"... we've got a masterful Team Rocket plan"
"We'll feel so much better once we get wetter.."
"Down by the seeeeeeeeeaaa!", finishes Jessie with arms raised as everyone looks towards the sky............... except for Dunsparce who's still crawling around in the sand exploring everything.

And so concludes one of the most pointless, unnecessary, bizarre... and in other words... genius musical number performed by TR.

"Bravo!!!", claps Meowth, "We really outpuhformed ourselves dis time..... NOW LET'S GET GOIN' BUHFORE DA TWOIPS GET BACK!!!" "All right, Meowth.... just chill a little bit, will ya??", answers Jessie. "We're going, we're going", adds James who goes to repair the balloon along with Victreebel. Jessie is about to come over along with Wobbuffet until she notices that Dunsparce is still wandering around looking maybe for some pokeporn. She shouts for Dunsparce to get over to her and Dunsparce, fearing the powerful leadership of Jessie, ends his exploring and crawls over.

As for the threesome, they have come with Dr. Gauthier to a nearby marina with clothes actually back on (Crystal's wearing a DMB shirt, Justin a Structure shirt, and Misty a Cerulean City gym t-shirt). Dr. Gauthier explains that this is a state marina for abandoned, lost, and injured water pokemon. Misty, of course, loves every detail about the water pokemon haven and raves about all the wonderful water pokemon there. "You have a special place in your heart for water pokemon.... which must be humongous...", comments Justin. Misty then gives them the speech about how water pokemon are her passion and pretty much everything to her including the key into her pants for the umpteenth time.

So Crystal takes that info and suggests to her friend that maybe one day Misty herself will become a marine pokeologist. Novel idea... except Misty still has about at least 15 years of schooling to go before that can happen. And it doesn't help that she left home to journey with a moronic young boy on a quest to be a pokemon master. "That does sound like a great career for you, Misty", Justin tells them. "And you have the right attitude and passion to one day become a marine pokeologist", Dr. Gauthier tells her as Misty thanks him back.

Well now you have a calling in life, Misty. Just 15 years of embarrassment in school with much younger kids awaits you once you finally decide to go.

"Cool..... but why did you bring us to this marina?", wonders Misty. "Well Misty, we need to get a Mantine, don't we?", says Dr. Gauthier. Crystal says, "Yeah", as Dr. Gauthier then shows them an aquarium with a few Mantines in them. "Hey... how did these Mantines get in here?", wonders Crystal curiously standing next to Misty. Dr. Gauthier explains that a few months ago, he found them swimming around badly injured in a nearby bay for some reason. He says they were probably struck by motorboats or big catamarans.

In other words, it was the work of wealthy oil company playboys recklessly polluting the bay in one of their many expensive, overpriced water toys.

So they've spent the past few months recovering in his marina but now they seem to be ready to be set free. And with the Wailmer crisis going on, it'd be a perfect time to speed up the process and throw them out there. "I get it.... we came back here so we could get these Mantines, set them back out to the ocean so the Remoraids can live off them and leave Wailmer alone", explains Justin for the academically ill (Ash) and young audiences watching and/or reading. "Yup", replies Dr. Gauthier who then takes out a couple of lure balls telling the Mantines, "Okay guys.... today's your big day!"

The Mantines look up at him with a squealy cry probably not knowing what the f*ck he's talking about. But they don't seem to care as they both go into the lure balls without a fight. "Alright... now let's head back to the beach!", declares Misty taking a leading role in this episode. "Right!", replies Justin and Crystal as they prep to go back to the beach and help a pokemon that can't help itself.

So much for the law of 'survival of the fittest' in the pokemon world in the real world..... wait a minute.... what did I just type??

Meanwhile back at the beach, Wailmer is still worried to death that those little nightmare fish freaks will return with a death warrant for the recently introduced advance pokemon. "Corsolaaa!", reassures the little gumball pokemon promising protection for its defenseless ass. So Wailmer, Seadra, Corsola, and Staryu have an engaging conversation of hya's and doo doo's and waaaaaaaiiilllmm's and corsolaaa's. And in this conversation, Wailmer then finally becomes a little more comfortable and opens up in this little social powwow of water pokemon. "Waiillllllm", groans Wailmer happy to be safe with the performance enhanced Seadra sayin something like 'we'll help you fight off those mothaf*ckas.... just don't be a p*ssy'.

"Sanshrew shreeeeww!", Sandshrew yells over to Wailmer and the gang coming back towards the shore with Pikachu after their............ uhhhhhhh..... well you all know you guttaheads! "Wailllllllllmer", responds Wailmer reacting to Sandshrew and Pikachu appearing to enter into their conversation. Staryu also seems to be happy that the couple has returned even though you can't tell how it's feeling or what it's saying. Wailmer then responds happily to Staryu's anecdote until........... here come the frankenfish again.

"Pika pika!!", points out Pikachu as the freaky deaky Remoraids come back in even bigger numbers ready to mug Wailmer some more. Misty's pokemon try to fight them with some success but they slowly get beaten back by the sheer numbers of the Remoraids out for Wailmer. Wailmer is very nervous and probably sh*tting at this point. But when Wailmer sees its temporary friends getting pounded, it then gets enraged and stops being a p*ssy for a second.

Wailmer then grits is giant white teeth before leaping up out of the water and landing again creating big waves that scatter all the Remoraids along with Misty's pokemon. But a group of Remoraids regather themselves and and charge right for Wailmer. "Saaaashrew!", warns Sandshrew unable to help Wailmer since our heroic little ground rodent can't really swim and kick ass at the same time. I could though...... cuz I'm special! Pikachu stands worried alongside him and Misty's fighting pokemon look back at those Remoraids that broke through. But just before they get to Wailmer, the Pokemon Advance pokemon gets swept up in a net cast by guess who?? "Pikaa?!", gasps Pikachu as it looks up at the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon in the sky.

"Prepare for trouble, you big blue blobby pet", announces Jessie looking down at Wailmer.
"Make it double cuz we're not referring to Wobbuffet"
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket blasting off outta the bayou"
"Surrender now or else we'll get all of you, too", finishes James referring to the other pokemon on the beach.
"Meeeeeowth, that's right!", adds Meowth.

"Sanshrew shrew shrrrew!", Sandshrew admonishes TR. "Ahhh... you've all come right to the scene of our crime!", announces Jessie. "Poifect fuh pickin up all of ya", adds Meowth. "Pika!", shouts Pikachu angry at just the sight of its arch-enemies. "Oh yeah?? Well we're all ready fuh all of yas attacks.... en wit no twoips uhround, you ain't got no udda option den tah come wit us", states Meowth. Pikachu doesn't care about Meowth's threat and prepares to thundershock them.

But when Pikachu releases its electricity, Sandshrew gets in the way to block and absorb it. It's not hurt since it's a ground pokemon. "Pika-chu??", wonders Pikachu as to why Sandshrew stopped it. "Sanshrew.... shrew shrew... shrrreew!", explains Sandshrew pointing to the balloon and then to Wailmer in the net as to explain that shocking TR also shocks Wailmer. So Pikachu listens to reason as Team Rocket continues to laugh and announce their evil scheme.

"Pikachu and Sandshrew are within our grasp... along with these other wonderful water pokemon", says James. "Poifect companions tah go wit our whale of a main catch fur da boss", adds Meowth. And as TR gets ready to suck up all the water pokemon from the sea, the twerps are riding in Dr. Gauthier's ATV (which is awesome looking BTW). "Just a couple more minutes and we'll be back there", Dr. Gauthier tells the threesome as Justin spots the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon over where they're going. "What's that balloon doing over the ocean?", wonders Dr. Gauthier. "That's gotta be Team Rocket. They're probably causing chaos over there!", exclaims Cris-tal. "We better hurry!", Misty tells him.

TR meanwhile then hatches their plan to steal the other water pokemon as Jessie announces to Meowth that it's time to suck up the other pokemon. "Alright Jessie.... time tah activate da Team Rocket supa straw!", states Meowth who presses that trademark button on his remote which releases a giant straw like tube that goes into the gulf water. And then the straw is activated drawing all the water pokemon closer and closer to it.

It seems like they're all going to get drawn in and there isn't a single thing that neither Sandshrew nor Pikachu can do about it. But just then as Meowth is taunting, "Daaaat's right... come tuh Meowth!!" sounding like he really wants to be with those cool, fresh water pokemon personally.... make of it what you will...., the straw tube gets frozen by the Remoraids after they lock-on to it and use their ice beam with the increased accuracy. "What's going on?? What are the Remoraids doing?", wonders James. Meowth checks his big straw (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!) and then panics concluding that those meddling Remoraids are freezing the tube rendering it useless.

"Ohhh... what do those freaky water monsters think they're doing interfering with us?", shouts Jessie. "Well at least we still have this Wailmer", states James. "Right... let's get away before these stupid Remoraids get us", commands Jessie. "Cuz if dey don't get us... da twoips will!", adds Meowth. So they begin to float away dodging all kinds of attacks from the Remoraids fighting to get their flippers on the loner Wailmer. Then the twerps show up amazed at seeing the Remoraids battling Team Rocket. "Hey look... The Remoraids are battling Team Rocket!", notes Justin. "Well they're fighting cuz they don't want their perceived provider Wailmer getting taken from them", explains the Louisiana Baywatch doctor.

"Oh... so they're actually fighting for Wailmer!", notices Misty. Crystal then sees Sandshrew and Pikachu, goes over to meet them to see if they're fine, and uses her nursing skills acquired from her volunteer work to assure that they are in fact okay. She then notices TR floating away but Misty assures her really good friend that she can deal with it and calls upon Staryu. "Hya!!", cries the faceless invertebrate as it goes into action. It's swift attack then slices the net and brings the happy-Buddha faced Meowth balloon down.

"Oh noooooooo!", shouts Jessie as Wobbuffet happily salutes and cries, "Wooooooooobbbuuuuhhffet!", on their way to splashdown. Wailmer then lands in the water as well drawing all the parasitic Remoraids to it like a magnet. "Oh no... they're right back on Wailmer again!", worries Justin. Dr. Gauthier then immediately sends out his Mantines to freedom but instead go right into servitude as the Remoraids swim to them seeing that they're actually able to provide their freaky scaly asses something.

"Phew.... it looks like most of them are off of Wailmer's case", says Justin relieved that Wailmer is looking a lot better. Dr. Gauthier also notices that Wailmer also looks a lot more confident and better now than it did before. Meanwhile, TR is looking worse than they did before all soaked in the Gulf of Mexico saltwater. "How many times do I gotta say it?? I hate goin down inta watuuuuhhh!!!", complains Meowth. "Woooobbbuuuhh!", then shouts Wobbuffet who's still saluting as it clings onto Jessie. Jessie then groans that they didn't do all that work for nothing and then orders Meowth to activate the straw again. Meowth thinks he can get it to work again since the warm Louisiana waters have melted the ice on the straw.

But before he can try to get it to work, Misty cuts him off bitching, "Oh no you don't, Meowth! Seadra... use your twister attack!" And Misty does look more bitchy when she's shouting with her new longer, scrunchyless hairstyle. But anyway, Seadra uses its performance enhancement materials its been using since being left at the Cerulean City gym as a Horsea. They help Seadra unleash a massive twister out of its itty bitty mouth opening carrying TR, twirling them around, and sending them blasting off.

"We're blasting off agaaain!" "Woooobb!"

"Phew.... good thing Team Rocket's out of way now. Thanks Misty!", thanks Crystal. Misty giggles and says that it ain't nothing. And after a brief pause then suggests that they go see if Wailmer is alright. Dr. Gauthier assures her that he'll go swim and find out now that they're back in their swim trunks and swimsuits. So he goes out with his most expert swimming ability to check on Wailmer as Misty isn't far behind. Of course Wailmer is fine and with the gangbangin' Remoraids not follow it around anymore, it can continue to smile big, swim like a p*ssy and wait around for the release of Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire.

Justin then yawns complaining that it's been a long day and they better get back on the road for New York since he's afraid of getting sunburn. Now why would he worry about that??? With the threesome not even using any.... and baking under the stronger sun of the American south.... Misty then tells Wailmer that she's glad its okay and tells it not to run into any more trouble. "Not to worry, Misty..... I'm going to keep track of Wailmer and see how its faring in its new environment in the upcoming future!", assures Dr. Gauthier making Misty giggle and blush.... !!!.... at the older doctor.

Oh that dodgy, dodgy Misty. Where is Togepi when you need that freaky egg??

And thus after the threesome's day at the beach was no day at the beach..... (good one... queer announcer guy!). We soon see the threesome and Sandshrew and Pikachu taking off on the Dragonite express as they continue towards NYC. But as they're flying out of the bayou, a curious Jigglypuff spots it in the sky like a shooting star. Thinking it'll lead Jigglypuff to fame just like the three magi were lead to Jesus, Jigglypuff waddles off after not letting anything stand in its way.

But there's no way Jigglypuff is going to catch up to the twerps when they're riding on Dragonite, right??

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This scaly pokemon was seen earlier in this series with others as part of a brothel.)

It's Lanturn!! ....................................... "Laaaa-aaaa-aaaahhhnnn!"

 

As for TR, they're still down by the sea, but it isn't a party anymore. And you wanna know why??? Cuz those tight, short-ass shorts of James from the music sequence are gone.... <sniff> Oh yeah.... and it also doesn't help that they're stranded out in the middle of the Gulf of freakin Mexico. "We wuz supposed tuh have a party.... What happened?", wonders Meowth clinging onto the back of James's head. "Well it's still a party... we just invited the wrong crowd...", quips Jessie. "WOOOOOOOOOBBBUUUHHFFET!", yells Wobbuffet as we then see TR surrounded by such water pokemon as Remoraids, Feraligators, and even Gyarados. "And if we try to leave, we'll become the h'ors dourves!", states James.

Poor James is about to become an h'ors dourves......... again. I mean............ not like it's anything new to him or us..... After all.... it's their own little Mardi Gras!!!!

To Be Continued