Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 51

Now that our threesome has moved away from Grand Isle, Louisiana, which is probably ruined by now courtesy of Hurricane Isidore (remember that one American readers?? And don't expect to understand if you're not American... maybe you will though), they are now flying the disco Dragonite express approaching NYC. And one of those electronic maps, just like the stupid ones from the whirl islands is shown at the beginning plotting where the twerps are. They show a trail flying from somewhere south of the border through Dallas and Louisiana flying up towards the twerps ultimate destination..... New York City.

But some even wilder weather is about to get in their way. As Justin is riding Dragonite like one of those midget alien jockey dudes, he then see this mountain range where rain is coming down like senator Kennedy pissing after a power hour of goldschlager. And lightning is also striking like Pikachu on speed.... no, Pikachu ain't causin' it...., so Justin decides to land instead of taking his chances with the TR treatment.

Justin tells them they have to land and despite the loud wind resistance built by flying at Dragonite's incredible speed, Crystal asks him why. Justin cites the bad storm ahead of them and that they can't risk trying to fly through a storm that violent. So Misty deduces that they have no choice but to set up their little camp and pot dealership where they are..... but where exactly are they?? So Justin decides that they should go find a motel and stay there the night.... hopefully this time, not running into any horny Misdreavuses.. or umm.. Misdreavi? that force you to catch them so they can stalk handsome males like last time.

Crystal looks up at the massive storm about to rain down on them and quips, "I've never seen a storm looking this ominous before......" "Saaaashrew", agrees Sandshrew not sure what to make of it. Pikachu then spots a drenched little village in this middle of nowhere place that the twerps are forced to be in and Justin follows up on it deciding they should head there for now since any moment now they're going to be drenched. "Good idea", agrees Crystal as they all run for it with Misty covering her head probably trying to save her snappy hairstyle.

Run twerps!!! Save yourself from the evil...... evil mother nature...... look how it ruined Togepi!!!!

<cue intro>

So they happen upon the small town Pokemon Center where Nurse Joy is prevalent with her southern American accent much like Ranger Marshall sleezebag Jenny with present with hers. "Oh man.... it is REALLY raining bad out there", observes Cris-tal along with Pikachu as she looks totally wrecked like she needs a joint to relax.... or maybe something harder at this point. Misty asks Nurse Joy where they are and she replies with accent that they're in Johnson City, Tennessee AKA the great smoky city.

"Why is that?", wonders Cris-tal with sudden interest upon hearing the words 'smoky city'. Nurse Joy explains that the city lies within the range of the Great Smoky mountains of the southeastern US. She goes on to add that this is normally a drier area of the country but within the past week, its been raining nonstop pushing the lake and water supplies of the hick town to its limits. She fears massive flash flooding if the rain does not stop coming down from the mountain.

"Is this the result of a hurricane?", wonders Justin. "No... the storm seems to be centering from the mountain nearest to this city. And I'm worried about all the lightning up there because that mountain is shelter to a huge population of Hoothoots", explains Nurse Joy. "Hoothoot huh? Justin knows a few things about Hoothoot..... don't you, Justin?", points out Crystal. "Yeah... I have a Hoothoot and I'm constantly training it so it can remain one of the top battling Hoothoots in the pokemon world", says Justin, "And that reminds me, you think you could treat my pokemon while I'm here?" Misty and Crystal also jump in immediately needing their pokemon to be magically rested by Nurse Joy's care. But the kindly nurse smiles and willingly takes Pikachu, Sandshrew, and all the pokeballs with some help from Chansey to go treat 'em.

Which brings me to this question.... What exactly do you think Nurse Joy does with the pokemon behind those closed doors?? They must be trained to touch the pokemon in the right places. Which leads me to question what kind of school they REALLY go to??

But make of all that what you will...... Because entering the Pokemon Center to break our concentration is a bearded guy who kinda stumbles in. Thus, it's easy to tell that he's a drunk yokel. "Heeey Nurse Joy.... you got my Tauros all ready, yet? We're gettin' ready to go out soon", asks the yokel. "Oh Jacob.... I'm so sorry. I almost forgot all about Tauros. I think it's still being cared for so it'll take just a few more minutes", explains Nurse Joy. Responds the whiskey reeking Jacob with a crooked smile, "Awww alright Nurse Joy.... don't hurry anything. Ah wouldn't want anyting tuh happin to Tauros."

"Nurse Joy's my fiancee", Jacob explains to Misty. "Really?", wonders Misty kinda weirded out by the antics of this blue-collar gentleman..... well... so far he's a gentleman. "That's what he just said", Crystal tells her before asking toothless Jacob, "How are you people dealing with all this unpredicted rain around here?" "Oh man....", explains Jacob unleashing a strong Jack Daniels odor, "Ah've had tuh make so many trips to da Home Depot to get suppliiiies to keep my house from gettin' washed away, it's turned me into a whacked out Heracrooos I've been doin so much buildin'."

He goes on to utter that he's so infatuated with this mysterious storm that won't go away that he's headin' up to the mountain where everyone says the storm is coming from. Everyone that believes that comes from the same watering hole with brawls once or twice an evening courtesy usually of the Hell's Angels. They also believe that some even witnessed the legendary Zapdos fly up into the mountains and nest there which is the source of all the storms.

Once telling Cris-tal about the Zapdos theory, Crystal questions him, "Zapdos??", as if these yokels see weird pokemon sightings like Roswell citizens see UFO's. "Is there a reason that Zapdos would fly to the mountains here?", questions Misty as she comes up behind Crystal getting close to her and looking at Jacob from behind her. "Hmmm...", hmm Crystal as she whips out Dexter.

Zapdos - the electric pokemon - This legendary bird, Pokemon, is said to appear only when a thundercloud parts into two halves.

Not interested in facing the danger at the moment, Crystal wishes the man luck..... but probably more for the fact that she doesn't want him to stumble over in the face of Zapdos's death inducing lightning than a safe journey. "Well that's why we're all taking our Tauros.... cuz without them, our ability tuh git through the floodin streams would be made impossible. Besides, I don't know what's gonna happun to all those Hoothoots if nothin' gets done", Jacob tells them. "Hmmm", ponders Justin.

Nurse Joy then comes out with Tauros as her delicately groomed <sarcasm> and chosen life partner thanks her, gives her a kiss which for a hillbilly is G-rated..... even on Pokemon where kissing on the lips is normally taboo. And so Jacob leaves to join his riot mob headed towards the mountains where if they get drunk enough... they'll pick a fight with Zapdos and end up getting fried like eggs if they have the unfortunacy of discovering that Zapdos is actually there.

................ Wouldn't that suck??

"Do you really think Zapdos is up there??", asks Crystal, "That's not really where Zapdos lives." "I'm not so sure either.... but with pokemon anything can happen I guess", answers Justin. Misty then adds uneasily, "And the thought of Zapdos figuratively controlling the weather like this with the great power that it has is way scary." They then look to the mountain range and see a massive amount of lightning striking down over the biggest mountain which isn't going away.

At this rate the spookiness factor goes.... it's going up faster than a Hannibal Lecter story.

A brief moment later, Nurse Joy has the threesome's pokemon cured and treated. Sandshrew and Pikachu go to greet their trainer as Crystal makes them extra happy by petting them in a certain way that a hospital worker would know how. She tells them that they should go look for something to do today since they're stuck in yokel city. "But what are we gonna do? It's pouring out!", declares Justin as his groupie Misdreavus pops out to greet him. "I guess this is a movie day", figures Misty.

Nurse Joy tells them that there's a twinplex not too far down the road from them. So Misty suggests that she looks to see what's playing there...... and let's hope to God that Pokemon the Movie: 2000 isn't playing for Misty's sanity's sake! So Misty looks and quickly develops a sweatdrop, "Euugghh.... Stealing Harvard, The Master of Disguise, Gigli and the day matinee Todd's Snap-ography..... do these people have any taste in movies?"

"Misdreeeeeevus", croons Misdreavus staring at Justin. "No Misdreavus, those aren't love movies", he points out. "Mis-dreee", figures Misdreavus who goes back to admiring Justin. "Well", replies Nurse Joy hesitantly, "There is also an arcade and pokemon fun center.... but it's a few miles away. If you can weather the storm and catch the bus, you may be able to make it over there."

So the twerps thank Nurse Joy and they head out not shutting up about Joy's help looking back and waving the whole time as if the episode's over. Justin then sees the bus stop o'er yonder so they go to cross the street but then stop when they look up into the rain and Crystal quips, "Oh no.... look who came to greet us..." They then listen to our heroes announce themselves from the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon.

"Prepare for trouble cuz we got on our leather", announces Jessie.

Now before you get your dirty minds into da gutta, she's just wearing a leather jacket and rain hat while James is wearing the same.

"And make it double cuz it's perfect for this weather", adds James as they look very Al Roker-y w/o the fat for those of you familiar with the Today Show.

"Ooohhhhhhhh", groan the twerps while TR continues their motto. "It's the same thing........ every..... single... time....", remarks Crystal like she's feeling a bad buzz. "I know it's fun to say and everything but after 300 some odd times??? That's just sad!", remarks Justin as we now resume TR's motto already in progress complete with a weather map and leather rain gear.

"Team Rocket's prepared for rain at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or watch a weatherman that won't be right"
"Thaaaaaaat's right!", adds Meowth with his own little rain poncho on. "WOOOOOOOBBBUUUUHH WOOOOOBB!", finishes Wobbuffet with his bright yellow rain jacket on.

"So it's you again!", shouts the threesome unnecessarily. "We're busy now so just go away and we won't have to hurt you!", shouts the likable pissed-off Misty. "I'm afraid not twerp, we see that you're trying to just get by in the rain. So today..... we're going all out to grab your Sandshrew and Pikachu!", replies Jessie. "Especially since your right hand shrew is just trying to hang on in all this rain", quips James in his usual queer fashion. "Sandshrew is doing just fine in this rain and is more than willing to take you guys out again!", proclaims Crystal as the rain soaks through her hair. "Saaaaaa-shrew!!", yells Sandshrew defiantly in the arms of Crystal as Pikachu puts up its dukes next to Crystal's foot wanting to punch them out.

"Fine.... we welcome your challenge. Dunsparce, I choose you", says Jessie slyly as Dunsparce comes out to look over the balloon basket at the rainy scenery. Dunsparce uses its mud slap attack as Sandshrew rushes into action. Sandshrew easily leaps over the muck and prepares to use its sandstorm attack. But before it can attack..... "Fiyah one!!", shouts Meowth, standing on Wobbuffet's head, who then fires a special net which is on target subduing and capturing Sandshrew. "All riiiight.... nice aim Meowth!", compliments Jessie.

"Sandshrew!!", shouts Crystal alarmed as Pikachu runs right past her leaping to attack TR itself. "Look out!!.... here comes Pikachu!", warns Jessie. "Fiyah two!", shouts Meowth as James instinctively responds, "Roger!" So James fires a rope with a rubber plunger on the edge from a bazooka which is right on target sticking to Pikachu reeling it in while the plunger absorbs its electric attacks. "Pikachu!", shouts Crystal as she demands TR to stop their antics right now.

But TR just laughs back at her as Meowth teases her, "You gotta be kiddin kiddo!" Crystal gets a little bit annoyed but probably not as much as she should since Ash's precious Pikachu is at stake. "Oh poor baaaaby.... we'd like to help you but we're on such a tight schedule that we're going to have to leave you in the rain", adds Jessie belittling her. "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", grrr's Crystal very very infuriated that her archrival is getting the better of her. Justin almost has to hold her back to keep her from using her crack induced powers by flying up there and punching Jessie in her cute little schnozz.

"I'LL SHOW YOU, TEAM ROCKET!", shouts Cris-tal looking all red and bloodshot. "We'd love to stay for this little show and tell but we really gotta make like the wind and blow on outta here", James tells her and then suddenly, the winds begin to whip up blowing the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon. What is it with James and his use of the word 'blow' that makes everyone giggle?? What is it with Cris-tal and HER use of the word 'blow' that makes everyone giggle? "Wooooobbbuuuuhhffet!", concludes Wobbuffet as they sail away with Dunsparce still looking around at everything on the ground almost falling over.

"They're getting away!", remarks Misty and Crystal shouts that they go after them. So they run through the monsoon like conditions before Justin halts everybody. "Why are we stopping??", wonders Crystal. "They're heading for that mountain where the storm is most intense. It's too dangerous to follow them up there on foot", explains Justin. "We can get up there if we have a Tauros like Jacob has", Misty says. "But where are we going to find a Tauros?", wonders Crystal. Misty suggests that they go back to the Pokemon Center and get one of Ash's Tauros from Prof. Oak. So Crystal's okay with that and they head back there as fast as they can.

"Hahaaa.... that sudden gust made the perfect getaway", proclaims Jessie as Dunsparce makes its catch cry whatever it is (it's hard to remember) and Wobbuffet wobbuh's and salutes. "And it's blowing so hard that it got us away from the twerps. They even gave up and turned back!", says James excitedly as Meowth is looking the other way in concern giving us a GAS of James. "Uhhh.... if I was you guys, I'd be lookin' forwuhd", quips Meowth. "Uh oh!" states Jessie noticing the menacing thunderstorm they're sailing right into. James then utters that they'll be fried bacon if they get any closer to that nasty storm.

"Well don't just stand there, James. Get out of its way!", demands Jessie taking control as usual as Sandshrew also yells to James to do something. But James cowers that he can't since the wind gust is too strong and the balloon can't escape it. "Pikaaa!", gasps Pikachu in horror. "Oh no...", moans Jessie as TR yells altogether, "We're really headin' for trouble now!" So the imaginative ominous music grows louder as our intrepid heroes risk their lives heading right into the nasty mountain storm. "Woooooooobbbuuuhhffet!", states Wobbuffet sagely as it prepares for hell.

So Prof. Oak shows up on the videophone as we see Tracey setting the decor of his room for some kind of special or more likely perverted occasion. "Hello Crystal... how's your journey? You make it to New York yet?", asks Oakky kinda being an impatient bastard. "No, we're still making it there and our journeys been going fine but now there's a problem", Crystal tells him. "Really?", wonders Prof. Oak as Crystal explains that TR kidnapped Sandshrew and Pikachu and that their balloon is being blown towards the Greak Smoky Mountains where a great storm is wreaking havoc.

"That dastardly Team Rocket... is there no depth they'll sink to", yells Prof. Oak...... well look who's saying that somebody's sinking to new depths. "But I have heard of the unusual situation in Tennessee and its possible connections to the legendary Zapdos", adds Old Man Oak. "However, many of my associate pokeologists, including Prof. Pine, were unable to track Zapdos's path to the Smoky Mountains. So most believe that there's just something in the weather pattern that's causing a lot of rain and lightning", he concludes.

"Is there a Tauros we could borrow??", asks Crystal. "Why yes... Ash caught a bunch of Tauros in the Kanto Safari Zone. I think it would actually be good for you if you kept Tauros around with you for a little while. You have a pokemon to send back to me?", says Oak as we waits lustfully for the next tempting piece of pokemeat for the Professor to get his dirty paws on. Crystal decides to send back Totodile with its insane energy for the Prof. to have a good time with being that Totodile is 'an interesting subject' according to Old Man Oak.

You dirty old man...... you dirty.... filthy old man.

So poor Totodile gets sent to Prof. Oak so the professor can get a real charge out of his swingers club for awhile. Don't worry readers..... this isn't permanent, I ASSURE you. Totodile will be back soon to spread its maniacal joy to all. And meanwhile, Crystal picks up Tauros on the other line. So Prof. Oak hangs up wishing her good luck as he goes to chase around the hard-to-get Totodile. Nurse Joy then notices that she has a Tauros now and tells Chansey, "Chansey, go get the Tauros mountain scaling gear, STAT!" "Chan-seeey", obliges Chansey as Nurse Joy must have been looking outside staring at TR while Chansey was doing all the work saving many a pokemon life.

"Okay..... Tauros, we need you... come on out!", shouts Crystal. Tauros comes out with a happy cry of freedom from the masochistic freakiness of the Oak compound. "Welcome to the team, Tauros", welcomes this crackhead that Tauros has never seen before. Nevertheless, outside of Prof. Oak's sick pleasure palace, Tauros still happily responds and listens to this foreigner's every command.

So goes Pokemon Centers.....

So outside in the driving rain, we see a small wagon attached to the body of Tauros in what may be a horrific scene of forced public bondage. The threesome hops on the little wagon part as Misty stands close to Justin who's holding an umbrella by its long thin shaft.......... (AW COME ON.... THAT'S JUST TOO EASY AND OBVIOUS!!!). "You ready to go, Tauros??", asks Crystal as Tauros doesn't like this treatment any better and starts rocking wildly. "Waaaahhhh", yells Justin, "What's happening?" Misty tells Crystal that she's never had Tauros before and that it's nervous and unsure of what to do.

So Crystal goes over and consoles Tauros using that hospital assistant's touch. "Rrrrrruuuuuhhhh", reacts Tauros starting to calm down while Crystal explains to it that she's sorry and that she really needs its help right now saying that a couple of its friends are heading into danger and that its gotta rescue 'em. We're not sure whether she means the lovebirds or the other Tauros. So realizing the situation its in is better though maybe not desirable, Tauros agrees to help the twerps scale the mountain.

So the threesome heads off as night falls over rainy Tennessee. Nurse Joy wishes them luck and 'y'all come back now' and all that southern stuff as they all head for the dark and lightning in the mountain. As they start to scale the uphill path, Misty notes with her hair washed down, "Look at how steep and rocky the path is. No one could climb that on their own... especially in this weather." A loud crack of thunder and bright burst of lightning explode right near them making them all jump in fear as Tauros keeps truckin' right along.

"Man, that was close..... I've got a bad feeling about this", fears Justin. "Well we just gotta keep going", says Crystal who then yells to Tauros, "You're doing great, Tauros.... keep it up!" The big beefy one moans again as another crack of lightning is seen and out from the trees races a huge flock of Hoothoots that are flying right at Tauros. "Those Hoothoots are in trouble!", alerts Misty. "They've gotten too excited and nervous and now they're attacking Tauros!", shouts Justin. "WAAAAHHHHHH!!!", gasps Crystal very much in Ash-like fashion.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (AHAHAAHAAAA! What a fat ballerina!!! Oh wait...... it's a pokemon??!! Wah da furk??!!!)

It's Blissey!!........................................... <almost squealed> "Blissey!!"

Tauros moans again and stomps around shaking the wagon with the threesome on it as they hang on for dear life while the storm shows no signs of letting up. "If those Hoothoot don't calm down, Tauros will all get us badly hurt!", alerts Crystal as more loud thunder and close-up lightning is felt shaking up the threesome drawing them closer than they ever should be in public. "That lightning...... if we don't do something fast, it's gonna get us!", worries Misty.

More lightning scares the threesome after Misty's vocal concern. So Justin brings out a couple of his pokeballs and prepares to throw them out. Until that is, Misdreavus decides to come out of his back pocket pokeball to be THE choice for Justin. Stunned.... Justin then chides Misdreavus saying, "Misdreavus... this is no time for this!" Misdreavus listen to him as the rain drops down off his head like a sun kissed honeydew melon making it soooo irresistable for her to resist. But the scary thunder and lightning even scares away Misdreavus's dirty thoughts as she floats behind her darling. "See?", points out Justin as she goes back to her pokeball.

He then sends out Nidoqueen and Hoothoot as Tauros continues to rock the threesome's boat (...........GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!!) as the lightning strikes right around all the chaos going on. Justin has Nidoqueen act as a lightning rod to absorb all the lightning so nobody gets struck by a bolt. Meanwhile, Hoothoot uses its loud hoot to get all the crazy Hoothoots' attention. Hoothoot assures the others that with Nidoqueen being the lightning rod, there's nothing to fear and so they leave Tauros alone for the time being stopping it from shaking the threesome's wagon. And there seems to be an immediate click and balance between the crazy Hoothoot mob and the calm, wise Hoothoot that's currently leading them.

Misty takes the next 3 hours to explain Nidoqueen's ground type characteristics enabling it to absorb the lightning and Hoothoot's experience to settle down the other Hoothoots on the mountain and keep them from attacking Tauros. "We were almost hit.... way to go, Justin!", thanks Crystal. "No thanks necessary", responds Justin as Misty tells them that they have to continue to go after TR. She also tells them they have to hurry because Nidoqueen can't hold out this long in the pouring rain.

"Nurse Joy told me that the first rest stop on the mountain is fairly close to us by now", Justin tells them who then asks Nidoqueen, "Can you make it up the path on your own?" "Rrrraaaaaaarrr!", responds Nidoqueen faithfully to her longtime trainer..... a longer time than that ungrateful bastard child Ash has had any of his pokemon except for Pikachu and maybe Bulbasaur. So Justin has Nidoqueen trudge up the rainy mountain as Crystal has Tauros follow behind the queen slowly as she takes a couple more lightning bolts to the forehead. And he also has Hoothoot have the other Hoothoot stay behind them where it's relatively safe.

While the twerps are desperately trying to avoid the dangerous weather on the ground, TR is trying to avoid the same dangerous weather in the sky not to mention escape with Sandshrew and Pikachu. Lightning crackles loudly near the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon scaring the easily frightened little girls....... mainly James. "Eeeeeeeeee.... This is horrible. I knew Team Rocket should've rented a dune buggy!", he quips in a hilariously nonsensical statement. Make of it what you will...

"Well it was YOUR idea to attack the twerps from our balloon in this blustery storm!", shouts back Jessie. "I'd thought we'd be dry and that the breeze would be spring fresh!", cowers James creating more gigglicious remarks. "Thanks to you we're about to be weather casualties!!!", screams Jessie grabbing James by the shirt. "WOOOBBBUUUUH", alerts Wobbuffet as Dunsparce looks out ahead where they're going. "Huh?", wonders Jessie as Meowth notices that they're going to smash into a steep cliff which goes a looooooong way down.

"RAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!", panics TR as Wobbuffet wobbuhs and Dunsparce stares at the cliff as the happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon crashes into the side of the cliff popping the balloon and sending TR hurtling to the ground towards their death. But because they started by falling straight down instead of blasting off.... it looks like TR as according to Meowth is done for as there doesn't seem to be anything airy or cushiony down below to save them.

But as they're falling, a huge yellow creature unfurls its powerful wings catching TR and carrying it to somewhere not immediately life threatening... though maybe not safe. TR blacks out after the big yellow flashy creatur........ ah f*ck.... you all know it's Zapdos so let's call it Zapdos and get it over with.... With TR on the temporarily safe cliff edge thanks to the yet to be fully revealed Zapdos, TR comes to after brush #8993 with death. "Guuuugh.... huh? Where are we?", wonders Jessie deliriously. "We musta landed here", answers Meowth lying on Wobbuffet in a somewhat dodgy position near Wobbuffet's...... waist line we'll call it.

"Or maybe that bright mysterious creature was the one that got us to safety", figures James who's memory seems a little less cloudy.... making him the anti-Crystal of the moment. "Pikaa", says Pikachu looking to the sky from its electric safe cage probably figuring it was Zapdos who saved it. "We's safe fuh now.... but we gotta stick tugethuh to stay dry en protect our captchuhs", states Meowth.

So most of TR huddles in for warmth high up on the mountain they're on as Jessie tells them, "Closer you guys! We can't be too close to the edge or else we'll fall again... huh?", she tells them as she then hears and spots the observant Dunsparce looking down from the edge of the cliff. "GET BACK HERE!", she shouts loudly grabbing Dunsparce before panicking and getting a brief case of vertigo. Thus, she avoids her near fall and scurries back to the deliciously sexy TR pile to stay warm..... ah yes... just how male dodgers like her. "Don't worry... somebody's gotta find us and help us", assures James who pauses before finishing, "..... it should only takes a few hours.... or days.... or weeks...."

So poor sniveling TR is in a bad fix as they hope not to get electrocuted.... they've never had that issue before......................

Back to the threesome where Justin is directing his pokemon so they can try to make it up this mountain without getting the crap zapped out of them..... like that's ever stopped TR.... Justin's Hoothoot hoots to one of the Hoothoot elders as they both hoot to the other Hoothoots to follow the two of them. It's a struggle.... and it looks scary at times where it'll makes some cry.. and others wet their pants, but eventually the rain and lightning calm down as noted by Crystal. "Hey look! There's the other Tauros with their group", spots Misty as Crystal has Tauros pull over to stop and chat with them. "Hey.... what brings you up here?", asks a scary old wobbly man next to his Tauros as Jacob notices them as the 'young 'ins from his fiancee's Pokemon Center.

Crystal explains that her pokemon were kidnapped by assailants in a Meowth balloon that was floating right for the mountain. "Well by now I reckon it WAS headin' for da mountain", reckons Jacob. "Have you seen the balloon?", asks

Misty. Another mountain hillbilly then explains to them that they saw said balloon fly behind one side of the plateau he points out but then they didn't fly out the other side. "Then they have to be there.... can we proceed any further?", asks Crystal.

"Why yes... but it ain't gonna be easy wit' everything all wet!", explains Jacob as Justin then looks to Nidoqueen and Hoothoot with its new posse and sort them out. "Well with the storm calming down, the lightning won't really be a threat for awhile... so you can take a break Nidoqueen", observes Justin. And mechanically, Nidoqueen raises its arms and boobies as she returns to her pokeball after getting zapped by numerous lightning bolts. "You guys really serious about continuin' up there... you guys might get washed away!", fears Jacob.

"We have to go up there... our friends are stranded and waiting to be rescued. I'm afraid of what might happen to them if we don't make it...", explains Crystal insisting they continue. She then asks Tauros if she's still ready to go and the friendly, non-abusing pat from Cris-tal makes it ready to trudge further up the mountain. "Alright.... you three look like you're competent enough with ya pokemon. We'll be stayin 'round here for now lookin' for anything strange so take care up there!", Jacob tells them.

Crystal okay's him and asks Tauros, Justin, and Misty if they're ready. And Justin says yes even though he's not cuz he still has to give his Hoothoot some orders to stay with the other Hoothoots so they'll be alright. So then they board their Tauros bondage wagon again and set off further up the mountain with Crystal shouting for Tauros to continue pulling them. Thus, Tauros begins pulling the threesome towards the summit of the big Smoky Mountain.

As the twerps head up the mountain, Jacob and his fellow hicks notice that Justin's Hoothoot is still playing negotiation maker as they flutter up above them. "Well look at dat.... dat young man's Hoothoot is nothin' short uh stellar", proclaims Jacob. Why does he say that, you say? Well, he sees Justin's Hoothoot grabbing some figs growing along the mountain that the other Hoothoots weren't leveled up enough to find and bring to its compatriots. This settles down the Hoothoots again from acting up and keeps them level. Thus, Justin's Hoothoot becomes the temporary leader of the insane nomadic group.

Meanwhile, Tauros has now pulled the twerps just about the entire way up the mountain so that now they've reached this plateau just before the mountain peak. "You guys see anything??", wonders Crystal. "I don't see anything, Crystal", admits Misty disappointedly..... hmm... no love from Cris-tal tonight Misty. Justin tells her that they don't see anything either so it looks like they're totally at a loss until Crystal sees something out of her cracked out vision. "Hey look!..... I think that's Team Rocket!", points out Crystal before stating affirmatively, "I'm pretty sure it is... it looks like them!"

"Oh no.... I think the twerps have spotted us", fears James. "What're we gonna do?", worries Meowth. "Don't worry... they can't do anything to us up here.... that is.. unless they want to hurt their precious pokefriends", assures Jessie, ".... Now all we have to do is reinflate the balloon to escape this mountain while the lightning's calmed down! Come on, Meowth... get the balloon repaired already!" Wobbuffet salutes Jessie from behind her the whole time as Meowth tries to reason that he's trying the best he can.

"How are we gonna get Pikachu and Sandshrew back?", wonders Justin not choosing to utilize his disco Dragonite express which would defeat TR and get back the pokemon stars within a matter of seconds. Instead, they try to figure out a creative and difficult way to beat TR this time..... "We're gonna have to climb over this stupid mountain to get away from those twerps", James says. "Wobbuh woooooobbuuuhh", cries Wobbuffet saluting. "How are we going to do that James?", wonders Jessie. "Here... take dese climbin picks", says Meowth giving them a pair each. "Fine... now you two get back here!", cries Jessie returning Dunsparce and Wobbuffet to their pokeballs.

So they begin to scale to the peak with Sandshrew and Pikachu in protective backpacks worn by J & J. "They're getting away up the mountain", observes Misty. "Oh no they won't!", replies Crystal defiantly ready to call out most likely Noctowl. "Oh yes we will..... go Weezing!", shouts back James as Weezing uglifies the screen. Its smokescreen attack then covers up TR as they climb up the mountain stupifying Crystal as to where TR is so she can attack them. "Let's hurry before the smoke wears off", utters Jessie nervously.

So TR continues to scale the mountain until they near the top. The threesome wants to send somebody up the cliff but the smoke keeps them from seeing exactly where they are. "What are we gonna do?? Tauros can't pull us up any further", complains Crystal. "Hooooooooot", hoots a hooty hooter. "Huh?", wonders the threesome in stereo. They turn around to see Justin's Hoothoot leading the flock of mountain dwelling owl pokemon.

"It's Hoothoot!", points out Justin. "He must've ended up earning the other Hoothoots' trust and so they got him to lead them there because they sensed some kind of disturbance", explains Misty. Meanwhile, the smokescreen is clearing up a little as TR continues up the cliff so we can see J & J (sexy), Meowth, and Weezing, too (ugly abomination). "Climb faster you two.... the smokescreen's almost cleared up!", complains Jessie bossing around her underlings. The flock of Hoothoots spot them and go to rustle with TR. "Ooh... ow... ooh.... oww.... not the hair, NOT THE HAAAIIIR!!..... shoo ya doity stinkin boids!", shouts TR along with other painful sounds as well as gay sounds from James as the Hoothoots peck and harass them.

"They're taking on Team Rocket!", says Crystal delighted that Jessie's beautiful face is probably getting pecked to death. "Way to go, Hoothoot... keep it up!", shouts Justin looking up from the mountain plateau. "Saaaaaaashrew shrew!", proclaims Sandshrew delightedly from its captured state. Then we hear more TR ouches and hurting noises as Meowth says, "We gotta... ow... get on solid ground bef... owww.... before we get pecked tah death!" So TR scurries up to a ledge leading into a cave even with all the Hoothoots attacking them. They stay on the ledge as Jessie angrily shouts to try and shoo the Hoothoots away from her..... and especially her face.

So she sends out Dunsparce to try and deal with the Hoothoot that's messing with her face. "Dunsparce.... use your take down attack on the dirty Hoothoot!", shouts Jessie who then pauses for a moment and wonders where Dunsparce went. The curious little land snake is crawling its way into the seemingly empty mountain cave as pointed out by Wobbuffet of all pokemon. "Where are you going, Dunsparce??!! I need you here to protect MEEEE!", shouts Jessie. Dunsparce then hurries out of the cavern in a panic after we see something flash inside the cavern. "There you are....... huh?? I wonder what chased Dunsparce out", wonders Jessie calmly.

Oh my....... I wonder what it was.... there was certainly no foreshadowing (Zapdos) that could give any competent reader a clue.....

Thunder then rumbles from the cave making TR a bit nervous. "What's going on?", wonders James as the Hoothoot flock starts to panic and fly around in circles. This makes Justin's Hoothoot (whom you're supposed to identify by spotting him not moving while all the others are going crazy) confused with a sweatdrop on its face which doubles as most of its body. They then flutter away and get Justin's Hoothoot to back away a little bit...... for a storm is a comin'.

And then, flying out of the cave and out of its slumber is the huge, scary-lookin', ass kickin', legendary electrical bird Zapdos. It flies majestically and in slow motion so the dubbers can get the little kiddies to drop their jaws at it. "I don't believe dis!", proclaims Meowth with jaw gaping open. "Wooooobbbuuhh.... woooooobbbuuuh", adds Wobbuffet also shocked I'm sure. "Look up there!", points out Justin as Crystal utters that it really IS Zapdos..... and she's not trippin' so it has to be real. "So Zapdos really must be behind the strange weather here!", remarks Misty.

"What an electrifying presence.... there's gotta be a way we can get it to the boss, right?", believes James. "CCCAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHWWWWWW!!!", cries Zapdos looking at TR with a pissed off stare ready to fry them. "Uhhh... I tink it's a little angry tah be captchuhd", worries Meowth as TR starts to tremble at their knees. "You woke it up and now it's angry at us", Jessie complains to her overcurious Dunsparce. Dunsparce makes an apologetic noise meaning nothing to Jessie.

Zapdos flaps its jagged wings menacingly above our own TR. "Uhhhh.... nice Zapdos...... good Zapdos...", Jessie tells Zapdos nervously. "We're sorry, we're sorry... we can take you to the boss and treat you to all the electrical amenities you need. Just please don't shock uuuuuss!!!", begs James on his knees bowing before the angered electric bird. Oh that Jimmy..... what whackness..... Zapdos is too pissed to care about TR's pleas. So TR pays for waking it up from its beauty sleep after flooding half of Tennessee and Zapdos zaps TR.

"Zapdos is using an attack.... it looks like a thunder wave", points out Justin. "You think those Hoothoots are okay??", worries Misty. "Oh no", worries Justin realizing that Hoothoot went up there to get back Sandshrew and Pikachu. Back up on the mountain, TR is totally fried and about to take more punishment. "Uuuuugggghhhh.... I can't feel my anything", groans Jessie in great pain. "I can't even feel my chahm", complains Meowth. Dunsparce makes its cry and then looks up towards Zapdos making Jessie yell at it, "You're the one its after! Make yourself useful and go fight it.

So Dunsparce leaps into action under pressure from a paralyzed Jessie. James chips in by sending out Victreebel who instead goes after James.... as usual. "You just don't get it, do you? You're fighting FOR us", squeals James girlishly as he tries to wiggle Victreebel off him even though he's paralyzed. Dunsparce then uses its take down attack actually does some damage to Zapdos. This inspires Meowth to cheer for TR saying that if they damage Zapdos enough, they can try to steal it.... though they have nothing to put a huge jagged looking cousin of Big Bird in.

"CAHW-CAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHWWW!", shrieks Zapdos again getting really serious as Justin's Hoothoot flaps on from a distance. Zapdos then charges down at TR, easily avoids Victreebel's vine whip, and defeats Dunsparce with a drill peck attack. "Ok... so maybe I wuz wrong", cowers Meowth. Zapdos shrieks angrily at TR again as they 'uh-oh' looking up at the majestic legendary boid. A couple of the Hoothoots then alertly take this opportunity to grab the backpacks holding Sandshrew and Pikachu captive while TR has its guard down. TR catches it too late as they try to grab them back but the Hoothoots get away in time.

"CAAAAHHHHWWW!", cries Zapdos getting TR's attention. Zapdos then unleashes a thunder attack which looks like its a storm coming from straight out of hell. TR sizzles and fries like they've rarely fried before.... and then.... the now mandatory excuseless explosion. TR then soars over the mountain going away for now. "So we're blasting around the mountain.... what do you have to say about that?", asks James as we see GAS of Jessie and Dunsparce sailing by him and a saluting Wobbuffet. Jessie replies...

"Well.... we're now blastin' around the mountain..... now we're GOOOOOOONNNEE!" "Woooooobbbuuuhh!"

"There goes Team Rocket!", spots Justin. "Oh no.... do you think they still have Sandshrew and Pikachu?", wonders Crystal unaware of the laws of TV shows keeping the main characters with its allies at the end of each show... with the exception of the one where Ash got into the bus accident starting this whole crazy journey in the first place. "Hooooooot!", hoots Justin's Hoothoot as they look up and see him and the mountain flock bringing back Sandshrew and Pikachu. "Guys!..... welcome back!", welcomes Crystal freeing them so that now they can resume their normally scheduled opiate induced journey.

"You did it, Hoothoot.... great job! I was so worried when Zapdos came out that... oh man, I don't even wanna think about it", compliments Justin being wussy as Hoothoot flies onto Justin's shoulder. Crystal then thanks Hoothoot as well as they look up and see a rainbow over the mountains which may lead some of the uneducated mountainfolk to foolishly proclaim an alien sighting. Next to the rainbow, the twerps and the Hoothoot flock see Zapdos flying away from the mountain looking like its finally leaving. "Well.... there goes something we'll probably never see again", comments Crystal referring to Zapdos being that she doesn't get to be up close and personal with all the supposedly rare legendary pokemon unlike our original protagonist currently recovering his thick skull.

Misty concludes that Zapdos probably had something it felt it had to do here. And that gets me thinking......... do the legendary birds take a week to piss?? But anyway, after getting a good look at a departing Zapdos, Jacob and his band of Tauros hicks arrives on the scene. "Whew... so it looks like Zapdos was here after all", obviously states Jacob, "... I just knew it had to be here!" "What an awesome sight! And a good thing that there wasn't that much flood damage done in town", says Crystal standing next to her Tauros. "Pika-chuuu!", adds Pikachu brightly as Justin laughs warmly at his Hoothoot in the fuzzy denouement scene.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (I wish this smooth pokemon were really real, but only if I can cheaply store Madden games on it.)

It's Porygon 2!!........................... <robotically> "Porygon 2!"

"Hoothooooot!", calls out one of the Hoothoots to Justin's Hoothoot and it goes to join the rest of them. "Hoothoot really seems to be clicking with these guys", observes Misty. Justin agrees as he sees the Hoothoot brotherhood welcoming one of his own. Jacob then asks Crystal if she's going to continue her journey to New York City which he probably overheard somehow from his fiancée Nurse Joy. "Actually, I think we're going to hike around the mountains for a little while... then we'll be on our way", answers Crystal who's carrying Pikachu correcting the tooth lacking joe.

After all, what better scenery to light up and get high than the mountains?

"Ahhh... I can't say I blame you. Dis is great scenery around here", Jacob tells Cristal. Cris-tal nods and then asks if the twerps are ready to hit the road cuz she REALLY must need a hit about now. "I'm ready when you are, Cris", says Justin, "Come on, Hoothoot!" Justin waits for Hoothoot to fly back but Hoothoot just replies back to him, "Hoothoooooot!" Justin huh's as Cris-tal asks him why Hoothoot isn't coming back. "Maybe Hoothoot wants to stay here", suggests Justin as Cris-tal now huh's.

"It makes sense... I think your Hoothoot senses uncertainty very well and that maybe he'd like to stay with his new friends for a little while to make sure they'll be safe", explains Jacob. "Is that what you wanna do, Hoothoot?", asks Justin and Hoothoot hoots back at him confirming. "But Justin, you've had Hoothoot for as long as I can remember.... are you sure you wanna do this?", asks Misty. Justin responds that he and Hoothoot will always be together even if they're separated by great distances.

We then are treated to some flashbacks of Justin and Hoothoot from some previous episodes and fantasy episodes with the twerps back during the Indigo, Orange, and Johto leagues. And if you're complaining that 'this is a fanfic.... there ARE no flashback images', then IMAGINE them dumbass!!!! After the heartwarming scene making people either cry or vomit, Justin tells Hoothoot to look out for his friends. Hoothoot flies off and he finishes by saying, "We'll meet again soon, Hoothoot. Take care for nooooow!" Crystal and Misty also say goodbye to Hoothoot as they fly off and the threesome walks away from the hillbillies along with Tauros and Pikachu and Sandshrew as the coupled ones are still waving as they go away.

And so hopefully.... Cris-tal will finally be able to relax for awhile..... cuz she can't do it naturally anymore. And Misty and Justin are having trouble with that by now I'm sure thanks to her influence. ..... oh that Crystal....

But we're not quite done.... oh no.... not without TR's commentary and feeling Zapdos's wrath. And of course, their subsequential final scene bad luck, which this time finds them on another mountain ledge with a long way down. "Zapdos really washed out these mountains", sighs Jessie. "And dose smelly boids really washed out our plans", adds Meowth. "I just wish that all that energy Zapdos had gave us some kind of energy recharge", sobs James as one of his feet causes a piece of the ledge to fall into the abyss.

"Careful, get away from dere or we'll all feel a different kinda jolt on da ground!", warns Meowth. "This looks bad", says Jessie nervously as she then hears Dunsparce. "Huh?", she wonders as she sees the explorative pokemon slithering around near the edge. "Aaaaaaaaaagghh!", Jessie screams, "Get away from there!" She then grabs Dunsparce at the edge giving us another GAS of her picking up the curious land snake pokemon. They're standing right at the edge but nothing cracks or breaks away for now. "Phew, that was close", sighs James after the three of them grit their teeth in much nervousness.

Jessie then sighs in relief and then.............. "WOOOOOOOOBBUUHHFFET", proclaims Wobbuffet standing behind Jessie. Jessie was startled by Wobbuffet suddenly uttering its name making her jump. Conveniently, the ledge then cracks up and then the whole thing brakes off the cliff sending J, J, & M along with Wobbuffet, Dunsparce, and Victreebel falling. TR screams as the ledge falls apart and as they're falling they shout, "What a legendary disasteeeeeeeerrr!"

My official reaction to that scene of poor TR's bad luck.......... 'Aye' <shakes head>