Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 52

Now that Cris-tal was able to get cracked out in the mountains, our threesome soars above the trailer parks of the east on their way towards New York City. Their making it there to get this high-tech device from Prof. Pine the dorky announcer tells us.... though when Prof. Oak mentioned New York City, that's what got the threesome REALLY excited. There must be lots of skanky raves in New York City for Crystal and co. to be excited about....

But as we open, we don't start with a Whirl Islands type map display, we just see the Dragonite version of Diana Ross carrying her version of the Supremes across the USA. Man, that sounds f*ckin corny! Inside Dragonite's little flying pouch, Cris-tal and Misty are going over the dodgy stuff 4Kids doesn't want you to hear about. That's right.... they're discussing..................

...... some kind of business..... dodgy enough. But you gutta-minds were expecting sex, or more appropriately, SEX!... weren't you?!

"Umm, Misty.... where's the map I gave to you so we know where we're going?", asks Cris-tal. "Well, the last time we had to land because of Team Rocket, I accidentally dropped the map. Once we blasted them off again, my hands were full with some of our supplies so when I finally did find the map, I gave it to Justin so he can fly us in the right direction", explains Misty sitting in the pouch next to Crystal, Pikachu, and Sandshrew who reacts, "Saaaanshrrreew."

"Buuuuuuut...... if he has the map.... aaaand he hasn't had us going in the right direction once since this trip began, theeeen...", reasons Crystal before their faces turn blue with fear along with a sweat drop for each of them. ".... Who knows where we may end up?", says Misty downtroddenly. Hmmmm.... Misty's finishing Cris-tal's statements....... kinky! "Piiiikaaa", adds Pikachu with a similar demeanor. "Hey... we're over another beach", observes Crystal as Misty fears that they may be back at that beach where they came from.

You know... the one with that Wail... uuhhh... Wal... uhhh.... new non-Johto pokemon. The one that was a pussy afraid to battle but now probably owns all the bitches in the Gulf of Mexico.... huh??

So they land on yet another beach as Justin hops off Dragonite's back to announce to the less than impressed girls that they landed. "Yeah... but where? This is not New York", says Misty. "Uhhh..... I'm sure we have to be close! Like... maybe this is Coney Island", suggests Justin. But Crystal immediately shouts at him, "Coney Island has an amusement park!! I don't see any thrill rides anywhere near here!" Justin just cowers up as Misty snatches the map away from him shouting, "Give me that!"

And while Justin's getting what seems like a daily humiliation, watching it from behind a bunch of willow cattails (marsh plants) is..... Team Rocket?? Wow.... this is an early appearance for them! "Hah... the twerps are distracted", shouts Jessie excitedly as they watch with their trademark binoculars. "Soives 'em right dat dey're da ones fightin fuh a change instead of us", adds Meowth. "Their distraction gives us a perfect chance to capture that Sandshrew and that Pikachu", Jessie proclaims. "Wooooooooooobbbuuuuhhffet!", cries Wobbuffet happily saluting behind our three heroes.

Jessie stuffs Wobbuffet into the sand as Wobbuffet yells, "Woooooobbuuuhhh!" "Quiet down, you blabbermouth. I'm not going you a rare chance we have to actually catch those pokemon successfully!", she yells looking down at it. "You got dat net gun, Jimmy-boy?", asks Meowth. "I've got the dual net trap and the Weezing escape plan to assure our optimal capture level!", James tells them holding up the bazooka and what looks like Weezing's pokeball. "Ha haa.... then let's act fast while they're off guard", commands Jessie.

Just then, a loud whistle then blows getting the attention of the threesome and TR. "A whistle? I wonder what that's about?", asks Crystal. "Look, it's Officer Jenny", Justin points out happily to change the subject and to stare at her. "Everybody evacuate the beach, they're coming back!", admonishes Officer Jenny. "Sounds like there's something bad going on at this beach...", thinks Misty. "Who's the they that Officer Jenny's talking about?", wonders James as we see families and single fleeing the beach looking out to the ocean.

A massive amount of buzzing is then heard as TR hears it coming from behind so they turn around to see a whole swarm of Yanmas.... at least a couple hundred of them. "Yanmaa... yanmaaaa", cry some of the Yanma as they're heading to the beach to scare all the annoying families away. Say.... maybe I could borrow them for my Friendly's job..... "Look at all those Yanmas...", proclaims Jessie. ".. En dey're headin' right for uuuuuusss!", yells Meowth. TR yells in terror as the masses of homocidal Yanmas assault them with tons of sonic boom attacks that they are aimlessly using.

"Look you guys, Yanma!", points out Crystal. "There must be at least two hundred of them in that swarm", adds Justin as Misty figures out that their infestation of the beach is forcing the evacuation going on. So Crystal instinctively calls upon Dexter for info to these beach marauders.

Yanma - the clear wing pokemon - Yanma can see in, all directions, without moving its, big eyes, helping it spot attackers and, food, right away.

"We better listen to Officer Jenny and get off the beach while we can", states Justin. "Me first!", quips Misty cowering at the sight of all those bug pokemon. The threesome and Sandshrew agree until they hear a loud painful wail. "What was that??" wonders the threesome in unison until Pikachu points it out yelling, "Pi pi piii!"

"Look!", alerts Misty. Looking over, they see a Quilava that was left behind to be target practice for the scores of Yanmas. The Quilava tries to get its flame going but apparently has the same problem that Cyndaquil use to have in the beginning when it was a bs excuse for a pokemon. So that leaves all the Yanmas to attack and batter the Quilava senseless. "Oh no....", gasps Crystal while the others just gasp.

<cue intro>

"We have to do something. That Quilava just can't be left there to be abused", states Crystal. But Justin replies that there are so many Yanmas that even the numbers of pokemon the threesome has wouldn't be able to match up..... and he does call her 'Cris' again continuing the use of her new little pet name. "I know Justin, but numbers can never get a pokemon trainer down in a battle which I'm sure you're aware of. And we've got something here that'll get the Yanma's attention in a flash, don't we Pikachu?", Crystal tells her electric pet. "PIIIKACHU!", replies Pikachu affirmatively. So Crystal sends Pikachu out there to use its thunderbolt attack on the Yanma.

"Pika!", quips Pikachu as it leaps onto the beach to take on hundreds of Yanmas all by itself. Only its life buddy Ash would take on bigger odds I'm sure. Pikachu anyway zaps a bunch of Yanmas away from the Quilava as they fall to the sand. "Nice shot, Pikachu", compliments Cris-tal. "Good going", adds Misty as then another gaggle of Yanmas fly up at Pikachu causing the threesome some concern.

Pikachu leaps up over the second batch of Yanmas but just before it can thunderbolt 'em to Cris-tal's acid trippy world, another Yanma tackles Pikachu from behind. Sandshrew and Crystal show a lot of concern for Pikachu who thanks to Crystal's teaching style, is tougher than to fall after one hit ........ (obvious punchline approaching)

.... And Pikachu's always been a good battler as well.

"Those Yanmas are feistier than I thought, and there are just too many of them. We need more help", declares Crystal. "I couldn't stand imagining being swarmed by all those buggy Yanma", yells Misty in fear holding her head nearly covering her face. Justin then sends out Nidoqueen to assist Pikachu. Rrrooooaaaaaarrrwww!", roars Nidoqueen with boobies exposed. Nidoqueen shocks a few Yanmas with its thunder attack but then she is quickly swarmed by others stalling the queen nido.

As Justin tries have Nidoqueen fight off the Yanmas, Misdreavus pops out for her daily checkout of Justin. "Misdreavus, go help out Pikachu and Nidoqueen!", demands Justin. "Misdreeeee", obliges Misdreavus and sets out to do his bidding. "Use thunder, Misdreavus!", commands Justin and Misdreavus has her ghostly hair fly out unleashing yet another electrical attack shocking some more of the Yanmas. But even more Yanmas turn to face Misdreavus as they unleash another sonic boom attack. The combined attacks severely injures Misdreavus and scares her back behind Justin. "Ohhh..... don't worry Misdreavus. I guess it's not worth the battle", concludes Justin.

We continue to see Pikachu and Nidoqueen fighting to protect Quilava while it seems like it's losing energy. "I've never seen so many bug POKEMON!!!", complains Misty, "It looks so bad, I can't even face it!" Misty may not be able to look at it, but it doesn't stop Psyduck from soaring majestically out of his pokeball ready to save the day in all his glory. "Psyduuuuuuck!", proclaims Psyduck as he stares down the Yanmas. "Psyduck?", wonders Misty strangely. Then, about 2 dozen Yanmas come flying at Psyduck who valiantly........................ panics and runs in circles uttering, "Psy-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-duck-duck-duck-duck-duck-duck-duck-duck-duck-duck-duck", really quickly and going on and on.

"Ohhh Psyduck... now this really getting my HEAD spinning", says Misty as she calls back Psyduck into her pokeball. She then suggests that they need a fire type pokemon to combat the bug type Yanmas explaining basic pokemon rules like they've been doing since the beginning. "Right! Cyndaquil, I choose you!", proclaims Cris-tal throwing out the lil' squealer. "Cyndaquil!", squeals Cyndaquil briefly before looking over the situation of all the Yanmas fluttering around beating up some of its companions.

Cyndaquil then turns its attention towards the beaten, bruised, yet visually stunning and graceful Quilava (to Cyndaquil's point of view most likely because of the slow motion and sparkly eyes and fur). Cyndaquil instantly falls in love with hearts in its eyes as it squeals delightfully, "Cyyyyyyyndaaaquiiiiil!" But then Cyndaquil sees his instant love come under attack as he watches on in horror and more, briefer squealing.

So Cyndaquil uses its flamethrower at full power by Cris-tal's request though I doubt that would've been necessary here. Cyndaquil scatters some more Yanmas around the beach knocking it down with its heated bursts of flames. Then, Quilava looks over at Cyndaquil watching him battle and Cyndaquil looks back. Cyndaquil then dashes for the Quilava hottie only to be cut off by a Yanma halfway there to the always overacted horror of the threesome. "Cyndaquil!!", shouts Crystal with Sandshrew looking on in fear while Justin explains that he thinks he was trying to save Quilava.

"It's just no use... there are too many of them....", fears Crystal in despair. But Misty, trying to reinvigorate the heroine..... uh... heroism that drawn her to Cris-tal tells her, "But what are we going to do about Quilava??" Crystal stutters and goes, "Uhhhhh....", like Ash for a moment but never gets to answer Misty. That's because a whole squadron of trucks carrying big mighty fire mouse pokemon that look like Quilavas, only bigger, have arrived at the command of their captain.... whom eerily enough resembles Capt. Aiden from the Squirtle eps.

"Troops! Fall in.... we have a few live pokemon victims among the beach infestation. Let's move!!", commands the captain as the Yanmas are still making the Quilava cutie squeal, "Quiiiillll!" "Whoa... they're really well coordinated. And it looks like they have enough firepower to deal with all those bug pokemon", states Justin. Misty looks on in delight adding, "Those are Typhlosions, and they have really powerful fire attacks..... thank goodness!" "You said Typhlosions, right?", as Cris-tal once again goes into her drug supplier database which doubles as a pokedex.

Typhlosion - the volcano pokemon - The evolved form of, Quilava. When heat from its body causes the air, around Typhlosion to shimmer, this is a sign that, Typhlosion is ready to, battle.

The Typhlosions unleash a wave of powerful fire attacks that damage and scare off the Yanmas. "Yanmaaaaa", shouts one Yanma in fear as the Typhlosion battling it declares, "Typhlooosion!", as in 'what now, you brain dead, retarded, clear winged BITCH!'. One of the Typhlosions rushes in and rescues the Quilava lying half-dead on the sand. Cyndaquil also sees this and tries to beat the bigger, more evolved pokemon to Quilava but gets cut off by a couple of Yanmas.

"They have the Yanmas on the run now", says Misty ecstatic at the suffering of the happy-go-lucky bug types that cripple and maim without even knowing it. "All right everybody, let's help them fight the Yanmas while we have the opportunity", says Crystal. And one by one, Nidoqueen, Misdreavus, Pikachu, and Cyndaquil unleash their attacks on the rest of the Yanmas and with all the numbers and powerful attacks finally piling against them, the Yanmas finally use their heads and decide to retreat for now.

"Phew..... that was too close", utters Misty as the Typhlosion captain guy orders two of his Typhlosions to bring the half-dead Quilava over to them. "Cyndaquil!", squeals Cyndaquil rushing over to Quilava who's being carried by two Typhlosions off the beach. "Quiiil... cyndaquiiiil", Cyndaquil squeals to the Typhlosion carrying the Quilava's upper body. "Typhloooosion", assures the Typhlosion back to Cyndaquil as they carry her near.

Meanwhile, the captain admonishes the threesome that they should be more careful with a situation like that since even though Quilava had to be rescued, the numbers would've been so great that the pokemon they sent into battle would've become just more victims. "We understand..... we had no idea exactly how strong those Yanmas were", explains Crystal. The man goes onto explain that they are a tough group of Yanmas, indeed, and that's it’s good that they're okay now. "Sanshrew", bellows Sandshrew for no apparent reason.

He then explains that the beaches of North Carolina are magnets for lots of different bug type pokemon due to the climate. That's right..... the threesome has landed in...... North Carolinaaaaa... come on and raise up.... take ya shirt off... twist it round ya head - spin it like a helicopta. Ahem...... anyways, Justin picks up on this using his brain for the first time in this episode knowing that the southeastern United States has a warm and muggy climate to it where lots of water pokemon can breed and thrive. Misdreavus looks down on him the whole time in admiration of his post elementary school intelligence.

The captain then goes onto say that the Yanmas are among the most common and dangerous annoyance on the beaches around there. Cyndaquil returns to teh threesome squealing at Sandshrew as the captain tells them that's why they have a whole squad of Typhlosions to counter the bug invasions that go on in the region. "I see.... well we figured we could help since we were all pokemon trainers. My name's Crystal", introduces the charming young lady hiding the skeletons in the closet... namely, the dime bags in her backpack. The others then introduce themselves as well as the Typhlosion leader who introduces himself as the squad captain......... captain Aiden.

Ooooooohhhhhhh... I've really done it this time. Another one of those 'we're excluding you in fun cuz of your inferiority from our pokemon fraternity' episodes. Only the sly captain Aiden has traded in his napkin-loving Wartortles selling out for the more evolved and high profile Typhlosions it would seem.

"Captain Aiden??!", says Misty in disbelief as the others grow uneasy at her reaction. "I thought you trained those Wartortles...", she tells him. "Pii pika", wonders Pikachu as Capt. Aiden laughs it off. "Ohhh... you must mean my brother down in the Orange Islands that's the fire fighter. It's great that you know him, young miss", says Capt. Aiden II. "My water pokemon and I actually helped him battle a fire with my friends one time while we were down there", Misty tells him.

At that moment, Officer Jenny returns from providing ABSOLUTELY NO ASSISTANCE in this struggle to tell Typhlosion Capt. Aiden that she was worried that they were taking awhile. It's scary for Officer Jenny, ain't it, it was lookin to be that she and her Growlithe may have almost had to do.............. their job!!!! <gasp> She's asks about the Yanmas and Capt. Aiden replies that they've all retreated and that the Quilava they found under attack there has been rushed to the Pokemon Center.

Cyndaquil squeals to try and get Crystal's attention but she's too attentive to the hindering presence of Officer Jenny to notice Cyndaquil. Officer Jenny then says she'll head there right away to check up on the Quilava's condition. She then thanks Capt. Aiden and his Typhlosions for their assistance. Aiden also lets Officer Jenny know that she should thank the threesome for their assistance in rescuing Quilava. So Jenny half-heartedly states that she's grateful to all of them and then grabs the Quilava with help from another Typhlosion. Cyndaquil once again follows the Quilava all the way to the squad car before watching the doors shut helplessly as Jenny takes off for the Pokemon Center.

Capt. Aiden then tells the twerps that they're going to follow Officer Jenny to the Pokemon Center to check on Quilava. "Okay... well could you take us too?", asks Crystal explaining, "We need to go there, too.... and we're concerned about that Quilava, especially Cyndaquil." A couple of Typhlosions then look down on Cyndaquil sounding like they're snickering at it for being too loud a squealer for its size to get the sweet, sexy Quilava prize. "Cyndaquil's really been concerned about that Quilava", Justin then says extending the dialogue unnecessarily. "I guess it's sticking up for its own type", suggests Misty. So Justin calls back his pokemon while Capt. Aiden lets them hop onto their deployment truck where they keep their Typhlosions like cattle.

"Everyone ready to go back there?", asks Capt. Aiden looking back at the twerps sitting with the pokemon. "We're ready when you are", replies Justin as Misdreavus comes out again surprising Justin. "If you're gonna help Misdreavus, you're gonna have to wait at least till we reach the Pokemon Center", Justin adds with somewhat nervous smile on his face as he recalls Misdreavus. "That ghost pokemon thingy is almost as annoying to those twerps as our bumbly blue blobby companion is to us", remarks James watching the twerps in the big truck take off as Justin continues to struggle with the difficult Misdreavus.

"What's annoyin is dis ringin' in my ears evuh since we nearly buhcame insect chow tuh dose stupid bugs", complains Meowth all bruised and bandaged proving the presence of a TR First Aid kit. See? Team Rocket is prepared for emergencies just like all you boys and girls should be.... Only difference is that they have 'emergencies' everyday. "Wooooobbbuuuh wobbuh", adds an equally bruised Wobbuffet. "I don't know how I'm not unconscious", mutters Jessie. "But I tink dat crazy ting you was talkin' about was dat Misdreavus. Dey's supposed to bes incarnations of dead people accordin to roomuh", says Meowth.

And as dodgically obligated, James makes an asinine comment about them saying, "Well then they must not have had great hair while they were alive." 'Yay' says all fun loving mature pokemon fans craving more gay James lines watching the TV. "Whatever, today we can follow the twerps to wherever they're headed and then we can capture that Misdreavus along with Pikachu, Sandshrew, and all those Typhlosions, too", proclaims Jessie. "Uhh... newsflash Jess. Unless we rapidly pick up a lotta Team Rocket teammates, den we's gonna get creamed by all dose powuhful Typhlosions. En its not like we evuh beat dose twoips eithuh!", retorts Meowth with some common sense. "Wooooooobbbuuuhh!", adds Wobbuffet cheerfully and patiently.

"Oh... that makes sense. So what do you say we do, Meowth?", says Jessie intuitively after returning Wobbuffet to its pokeball. Meowth suggests that they wait until one of them is isolated from the rest for a moment and then they jump on them and swipe that pokemon. "And once we get say, Misdreavus for example, then we could move on and catch Pikachu, then perhaps that older kid's Dragonite", says James. "And from there, we can help ourselves to all the Typhlosions we want and present them to the boss for a bonus worthy of taking Team Rocket's own vacation away from those miserable twerps", adds Jessie imaging the wonderous vacation, partying all night, wearing nothing but a string bikini...

Umm....... excuse me for a moment...

........ Ah yes.... picking up, Meowth snaps TR back to reality saying, "Yeah yeah.... enough yappin', let's go. Chop chop!" "Aye aye", obliges J & J. So then we come back to the twerps and the Typhlosion bug-fighting crew back at the Pokemon Center. "Crystaaaal.... how's your trip going?", asks the whacked out person on the videophone to our own Cris-tal. No, it's not Ash, or the dirty Professor nor his slutty mistress Delia Ketchum, it's Crystal's mom! "Pretty good, mom. We're back on track for New York", she replies. "Oh that's good", says Crystal's mom who then recalls aloud all the parties and late night 'episodes' she had in New York. "Professor Oak has already told me about a lot of your journey. I'm really proud of you and always will be, sweetie!", adds Mrs. Fletching.

Well, well, well.......... looks like Delia has some slutty competition.

Nurse Joy then comes out with Quilava who's miraculously healed from a gang assault. Nurse Joy tells Capt. Aiden that Quilava will make a full recovery but needs to take it slow for awhile. She also states that they're thankful that Quilava wasn't hurt more than it was. So Quilava walks out on her own power as Cyndaquil immediately squeals his way over to her. "Cynda... cyyyndaquil!", squeals Cyndaquil affectionately. "Quil?", wonders Quilava as Cyndaquil then quick grabs a rose and comes back offering it to Quilava.

"Typhlooosion!", notes one of the Typhlosions stepping between Cyndaquil and Quilava. "Cyndaquil!", squeals Cyndaquil rebelliously professing his love for Quilava. The Typhlosions reaction?? Laughter and mockery..... laughter that this little pipsqueak thinks it can get with their Quilava. "Cyndaquil!", angrily responds Cyndaquil. "Typhloooosion!", angrily responds the head Typhlosion trying to scare him off. But Cyndaquil, like his original trainer Ash, doesn't know when to quit and fires up his back ready to fight the much bigger and tougher Typhlosion.

"Quilava!", declares Quilava stopping the apparent scuffle/mismatch. "Cyndaquil.... cynda?", wonders Cyndaquil as the Quilava shows her true colors arrogantly throwing back the flower of an honest, loving pokemon to be with her gang of hunky, bad boy Typhlosions. "Cynda?!", squeals Cyndaquil in horror as Capt. Aiden calls his Typhlosions back as they head back to their squad house along with their Quilava call girl. Capt. Aiden then tells the threesome that they're headed back to their squad house and they're welcome to stop by. Cyndaquil is ready to cry like the puny little squirt that it is as Pikachu looks on at him wondering, "Pika.... piii?", with Sandshrew behind it both feeling bad for their heartbroken teammate.

At the squadhouse, Justin then gets everything together to make lunch for his threesome counterparts and their pokemon as well. Crystal compliments Capt. Aiden about what a nice place he keeps. The captain thanks Cris-tal as she rummages through her bag (for extra pills no doubt). He goes onto say that they need this special facility not only to cover the entire area they're responsible for, but also for shelter, target practice, and other training as we see a Typhlosion demonstrate each activity as the captain's explaining them.

"That's so neat, it's almost as cool as your brother's training!", responds Misty calling the captain inferior inadvertently. "Almost as cool?", wonders Brother Aiden as Justin tells him, "It must be cuz she's partial to water pokemon", as he continues to make the sandwiches from the picnic table outside. As the Typhlosions are training and beating up dummies inside. Cyndaquil notices this as Quilava watches the training. So he decides to step inside and try to work out to impress Quilava.

He uses his agility to dodge some of the dummies through the obstacle course, inadvertently knocking one of them loose. Then, he uses his flamethrower to nail the bug pokemon targets since they're a lesser being and not worthy of sharing landspace with paranoid humans like Misty. This impresses some of the Typhlosions who can't believe that this puny little Cyndaquil is passing THEIR obstacle course and drills. "Cyndaquil's even getting in on some of the target practice", observes Misty. "And it's doing pretty well!", notes an impressed Justin. "That course is designed so that Typhlosions get a tough test out of it. The fact that Cyndaquil's merely holding its own is amazing of itself", explains the homophobic Capt. Aiden.... reluctant to let a little guy impress him being that he has all his highly trained Typhlosions around him.

But just before Cyndaquil fires up to blast the last target, the loosened dummy from the obstacle course flies off meant obviously to impede our poor little fire mouse that wants to but probably can't. The dummy splats Cyndaquil, to Cris-tal's horror, makes it tumble before it misses badly humiliating itself in the name of all Cyndaquils......... doesn't that suck for Cyndaquil? So all the Typhlosions and even Quilava join in its mockery upsetting Cyndaquil. "Awww.... it's okay, Cyndaquil!", Crystal tries to reason as she quickly rushes in to talk to him. Justin rushes in wondering what happened. "Poor Cyndaquil doesn't feel that well", comments Misty. "Hmmmm.... I think Cyndaquil's been more active cuz it's trying to impress that Quilava", observes Justin who actually gets it feeling the pain of its brutha. "It's trying to impress Quilava??", wonders Crystal. "D'oh.... don't you get it you guys? Cyndaquil's in love with that Quilava!", points out Justin gasping that the young girls don't get it.

"IN LOVE??", respond the girls in shock. "Don't you see, Cyndaquil's had a complete change since meeting that Quilava on the beach. He's doing all he can to impress her, and he's only getting the cold shoulder", explains Justin knowing Cyndaquil's plight very well... perhaps better than he should. Cyndaquil then feels so humiliated for being a puny, unevolved pokemon that he begins to saunter off and head for the nearby beach to sit alone. "Hey, Cyndaquil... wait up!", Crystal shouts. "Cynda.... cyndaquiiill. Cyndaquil!", says Cyndaquil with a nod walking off while Misty looks on sadly.

"Let it go.... I think Cyndaquil just needs a little time to itself", Capt. Aiden tells her, not letting Crystal try to console her own pokemon. ....... Ain't that degrading for the both of them.... eh?? "Hmmm", hmm's Justin as Cyndaquil saunters away for the moment on a very lonely journey.

You may now shed tears for poor Cyndaquil now......

And as Cyndaquil wanders away in agony for the moment, TR is still searching for their opening as they follow the twerps. "Meowth, I thought you said the twerps were going to separate!!!", yells Jessie. "I did say dey was gonna separate.. I just don't know when!", shouts back Meowth. "You... don't know when?", wonders James. "Oh great... this could take forever! And it's all thanks to you!!!", shouts Jessie who then plunks Meowth on his charm. "Ayyyyyyy ayyyyyy yaiiiiiiii..... well...... I tought dey might be... auh??", responds Meowth dizzily before spotting something in the distance. "Ey look.... it's dat twoip's Cyndaquil!", states Meowth. "All right.... if we can swipe Cyndaquil and have it fight for us, then we can get to Sandshrew..... and even Pikachu..... and then all those Typhlosions!!!", dreams Jessie excitedly. "All righty then...", answers James in his best gay adaptation of Ace Ventura, ".... let's get ready for our super stealthy Cyndaquil swipe", adding in some delightfully dodgy alliteration.

<cue commercial> "Who's that pokemon??" (This pokemon is your best hope at twist tying into a funny animal balloon.)

"It's Ekans!!" ............................"Ekannnnnnssssssssss!"

"Cyndaquil", squeals Cyndaquil sitting on the beach as its on the edge of tears over not getting the love of its life to this point of his life. Cyndaquil then imagines all the things it thinks he's missing in his life because of the menacing Typhlosions, like parties, booze (orange colored booze, too), sports bettings..... in other words.... fun. Basically Cyndaquil believes that he can't have any fun because of its infantile size. And then Cyndaquil sees himself livin the pimp life as a Typhlosion making him envy...... making him not want to appear so squeaky clean.

So it's obvious that either one of two things must happen 1) Cyndaquil will want to evolve OR 2) Cyndaquil will have to be corrupted (i. e. by someone like Prof. Oak for instance).

Back at the station house, Capt. Aiden is finishing off the BBQ he's preparing for the undeserving threesome to share in. "Hey, I've got some food ready everybody!", he yells out. The threesome goes to collect their share as Pikachu piles on a whole ton of food on his plate..... with the mandatory excess ketchup. The Typhlosions all share in their huge share of food (damn..... where does that damn Aiden learn to cook like that?). Crystal then reminds herself that she should let Cyndaquil have some food also.

So she walks all the way down to the beach where Cyndaquil is watching the waves and thinking about that bodacious Quilava and how to get her. "Hey Cyndaquil, we're having some barbecue at the station, you're welcome to have some with us if you want. I promise that those Typhlosions won't bother you... Capt. Aiden will keep them in order", offers Crystal. But Cyndaquil doesn't have much of an appetite for anything other than ........ well... something X rated. So Cyndaquil shakes his head not interested. "Are you sure? How about we do a little bit of training perhaps?", she asks. But Cyndaquil apathetically turns her offer down squealing, "Cynda." "Well... okay, that's fine. Just don't wander off.

Ok, Cyndaquil? Cuz we all care about you", Crystal says sounding unsure of Cyndaquil's current emotions.

As Crystal heads back to the station house, she walks into Justin who's wondering about Cyndaquil's condition. Cris-tal tells him that Cyndaquil still feels down and that she has no idea about what could cheer him up. Thus, Cris-tal failed in her attempt to corrupt the squeaky mouse type. Though she has corrupt practices and drug trading in her blood, she just wasn't the right kind of corruptor for this scenario. "Hmmmm", hmmm's Justin, "Maybe I should try to talk to Cyndaquil." "About what?", wonders Crystal on how he's going to corrupt him. "Well... having your heart broken for anybody human or pokemon. And there are very few out there that are more of an expert on love than me", brags Justin. Crystal though coldly shoots him gasping, "You? Expert??!!", with a sweatdrop on the side of her face.

But Justin convinces her to let him talk to Cyndaquil so Cris-tal leaves to go do whatever as Justin approaches Cyndaquil. "Hey buddy.... something gotcha in the dumpers??", Justin asks Cyndaquil as corny as he can phrase it. "Cyndaquil... cynda cyndaquil quiiiiiiiill cyndaquiiil", answers Cyndaquil. "So that Quilava hurt your feelings", assumes Justin. "Cynda", answers Cyndaquil. So now Justin begins his corrupting influence. He tells Cyndaquil that he understands how tough it is too feel not good enough for others. But while he admits it's tough, he tells Cyndaquil that the only standards he should set are his own and not to let any unappreciative female tell him otherwise, no matter how beautiful they may be.

"You understand?", says Justin. "Cyndaquil", answers Cyndaquil softly. "You're a great pokemon. I know you are, I've seen you battle in the Johto League and on this Kanto League tour. You definitely deserve better. But you can't let that get you down, you just have to keep training to make yourself a better pokemon and once you're happy with yourself, maybe you will find true love", explains Justin. Long story short, he's basically telling Cyndaquil to kick that ho to the curb.

"Misdreeeavus!", announces Misdreavus making her uninvited appearance. "You'll probably find true love before I will...", Justin says with nervous sarcasm. "But anyway...", adds Justin shaking his head back to seriousness, "Misdreavus knows a lot about what I'm talking about, don't you, Misdreavus?" This despite that fact that Misdreavus was in her pokeball while Justin was explaining reality to Cyndaquil. Yet, Misdreavus goes along with her beau affirmatively stating, "Misdreeee".

Then without warning, a strange beam of energy zaps the horny female ghost pokemon to the shock of Justin. "Misdreavus!", shouts Justin as a plastic orbs then encloses around Misdreavus as it takes her back to her captors. "All right, what's the big idea?", he angrily shouts with Cyndaquil alertly scampering next to him.

"The big idea is to prepare for trouble", says Jessie dressed as a ghostbuster in glasses (she looks like that secretary of the Ghostbusters).
"We're doin some ghostbustin so make it double", says James dressed likewise (I'm guessing the tall one was most likely the gay ghostbuster) and armed with some kind of laser device.
"To protect the world from devastation"
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket busting ghost pokemon at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight"
"Meeeeeeowth, that's right!", states Meowth in a similar uniform with an added hat. "Wooooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet!", salutes Wobbuffet in the background standing steadfast in front of some kind of trapping device prop like the ghostbusters..... w/o a costume though.

"Oh..... it's only Team Rocket", remarks Justin sounding not quite as concerned. "That's right, twerp. And we're only taking advantage of your isolation from the other twerps to scrounge up as many of your pokemon as we can", James tells him with a wider than usual smile. "We was gonna try tah swipe dat Cyndaquil, but when we saw you come ontuh duh beach. We knew dat yuh crazy Misdreavus wuz gonna come out allowin' us to use our cool costumes today", adds Meowth. "And we even took the time to get a boombox to play our theme for today...", concludes Jessie who then pushes the button on the radio to play......

duh-duh-DUUUH-duh-duuh-duh-duh............ GHOSTBUSTERRSSS!!!

Yep, the Ghostbusters theme then starts to play thanks to TR who's dancing along to the rhythm of the infamous tune. "Now Team Rocket's really rocking!", states Jessie with glee as she sways back and forth to the music. "And we gonna keep rollin' until we get all dose twoips pokemon!", adds Meowth. "Well sorry to inform you, but I'm gonna have to burst your ghostbusting bubble and get Misdreavus back", interrupts Justin during TR's ghostbusters victory dance. "Aw yeah?", responds Meowth. "I think your hot air needs to be cut off...... huuaah!", adds James who then sends forth Weezing to cut of our vision of the TV screen momentarily so no one has to see this abomination of a TV image.

"Smokescreen, Weezing!", commands James as Weezing covers up the scene choking Justin and Cyndaquil allowing TR to get away with Misdreavus. Thus, the Ghostbusters music ends. Trapped and fearful, Misdreavus longs for her love to come and valiantly rescue her from TR. Hacking like a hundred year old geezer, Justin throws out Kabutops who swords dances away the smoke. "Ugh.... Team Rocket... where'd they go?", wonders Justin. "Cyndaquil!", points out Cyndaquil spotting TR running away with a head start.

Feeling obliged to make itself better and helping his corruptor, Cyndaquil chases after TR to be a hero thinking that it might get some tail after all. "Wait Cyndaquil!", shouts Justin but its too late cuz Cyndaquil's already off.... it's not like Justin's its trainer or anything anyway. So Justin tells Kabutops to run back to the station house and warn the others about the TR trouble pointing to where it is. So Kabutops runs back as Justin runs forward to try and catch TR.

"Come on, ya guys. Keep footin' it... We almost to our getaway boat!", yells Meowth as TR's running away. "Woooooobbbuuuhhffet!", yells Wobbuffet running alongside Meowth. Jessie sends Wobbuffet back to its ball as she tells Meowth, "Don't worry, the twerps will expect us to be escaping through the air in our balloon. They'll never expect a getaway by sea." "Cyndaquil!", squeals Cyndaquil as TR looks back to see the little fire mouse chasing after them.

ALERT! ....... gratuitous gay sex scene ahead!

"It's that twerpy Cyndaquil", notes James. "Okay... we'll just captcha dis one, too!" "Give me back my pokemon!", shouts Justin causing TR to panic. "Daaaaaahh! Dey're gaining on us... you two ain't runnin' fast enough!!!", shouts Meowth. "WE'RE FOLLOWING YOU, MEOWTH BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS WHERE THE BOAT IS!", screams Jessie. "Aw yeah, I fuhgot!", answers Meowth as Cyndaquil and Justin continue to gain on them. "Eeeuuuugh... what do we do??", shouts James running with kind of a high step... make of that what you will.

ALERT! ......... gratuitous gay sex scene upcoming!

"Go distract them!", orders Jessie. "But how I am going to get away on the boat?", wonders James. "We'll come back and get you once we bring the twerps pokemon to the boss", Jessie tells him. "But...", starts James before being interrupted. "JUST GO STOP THEM!!!", screams Jessie. "Roger", quips James out of nervousness making him think of his love that he longs for no doubt as he trembles before Jessie. So James then runs back past Cyndaquil and towards poor young Justin running along the beach.

ALERT! ........... gratuitous gay sex scene!!!

"I'll stop you, you meddler!", shouts James in very camp fashion. "Oh yeah? .... huh??!!", responds Justin before stopping in horror noticing that James isn't stopping. James then tackles him with all his might and even the extra, "Eeeeee!", gives him the little push to get Justin down. .............. well...... what can I say??? Goochie, perhaps?? Then James gets all up on Justin as he presses against him. All sorts of noises like ooh's and eee's are coming from the pile of sexy guys rolling around on the sand.

............ For once, I'm thankful that this sex scene involves people that are fully clothed....

Skipping the disturbingly dodgy scene for a moment, Crystal and Misty are enjoying the great BBQ that Capt. Aiden has provided. "These hot dogs are great. I haven't had a hot dog this good since I've been home!", comments Crystal as a plateful of food sits next to her on the table. Capt. Aiden nods in appreciation as Sandshrew spots the pile of food and goes to eat it..... or maybe get it for Pikachu's voracious appetite. "Sandshrew, no! I'm saving this food for Cyndaquil... he needs to have something to eat after a tough day", Cris-tal tells him as she's rummaging again through her bag sounding stoned.

"Sanshrew", says Sandshrew accepting Crystal's denial as Kabutops comes running to the station house. "Kabutops! Kabu kabutops", Kabutops tells them. "Hey.... it's Justin's Kabutops!", notices Misty as Kabutops runs in frantically between the Typhlosions. "Sounds like they must be in trouble", believes Brother Aiden. "Is that true, Kabutops?", Crystal asks the Kabutops as its reddish hue shines in the sun. "Kabu", he nods sounding like an African tribes leader. "We better go see what's up, you guys", says Cris-tal rather calmly for the urgent situation at hand. "We'll come along, this sounds pretty serious", adds Capt. Aiden as they, the Typhlosions, and the twerps follow Kabutops to the beach.

"Ugh... d'oh....drrrrrrr", grunts Justin as he then grunts, "Get..... off.... me!", finally shoving James away just long enough to escape and chase after TR. But not before getting an 'experience' of a lifetime. With sand under his clothes (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA, NOW!), he then tries to yell for Jessie not to leave without him. Jessie and Meowth meanwhile, have their getaway boat in sight. "Ahh, there it is!", notes Jessie in delight. "Cynda!", squeals Cyndaquil to get their attention. "Ohhh... we're gonna hafta deal with this pipsqueak first!", she then frowns, "Come on out, Dunsparce!"

"Dunsparce!", cries Jessie's Dunsparce as she sends it to stop Cyndaquil................... except Dunsparce is more interested in watching the ocean waves making Jessie fall over comically. "I need you to battle not listen for waves!", shouts Jessie as Dunsparce then battles. Cyndaquil sends a big flamethrower towards it that Dunsparce barely avoids. Jessie then has Dunsparce use its take down attack which Cyndaquil avoids with its agility. "Nice agility", comments Justin watching Cyndaquil battle without Cris-tal. "Come on, Dunsparce. Get with the program and that pipsqueak!", shouts Jessie.

Cyndaquil then uses its swift attack to punish Dunsparce a little more to Justin's delight. Justin then warns Cyndaquil to watch his back cuz even fighting for a bodacious Quilava babe can't protect him from a blindsided mugging from a cracked-out looking Weezing who tackles him. "Oh no!", gasps Justin. "Bwaaah hah hah hah hah hah! Face it, Cyndaquil.... yuh just too puny tah be a hero against us", laughs Meowth. "Besides.... we can't lose. We're the ghostbusters!!", adds James comically. "Cyyyynda", snaps Cyndaquil rebelliously as Justin encourages him to show TR that great things can come in little packages.

"Stop right there, you thieves!", shouts a voice that turns out to be Capt. Aiden. Kabutops leads all of them to the dock where TR has their getaway boat. "Look... it's Team Rocket!!", snaps Crystal. "We've got you surrounded now. There's no way you're escaping us this time, Team Rocket!", shouts Misty as the Typhlosions close in on TR. "Oh I beg to differ, twerps", answers Jessie, "You see, you can chase us by land and by air, but you can't bring us back by sea!" Meowth then uses his claw to cut off the rope for the boat as James finishes, "That's why all the Typhlosions in the world couldn't perform this rescue mission." "En dat's why you twoips are all boint out!", says Meowth.

"Sorry to cut short this gala but it's time for us to take a cruise", ends James as they all jump onto the boat including Wobbuffet taking Misdreavus with them. "GET BACK HERE!", shouts Crystal having no impact. "Pika-chuuu!!!", yells Pikachu having less. And just as it looks like TR will finally get away, Cyndaquil ain't having any of it. He must impress Quilava somehow and being a big hero fits that bill just perfectly. So Cyndaquil unleashes a flamethrower and the heat melts TR's ghost trap freeing Misdreavus who darts right for Justin. As TR is also screaming in pain Jessie's complaining about the boat on fire, the engine light for the boat lights up. "What's that?", wonders James choking from the smoke. "DAAAAAH... DA ENGINE'S ON FIRE TOO!", panics Meowth. "WAAAAHHHHH!", screams Meowth as then the boat.... you guessed it you little Einsteins..... explodes!

"We're blasting off agaaaaaiiiiiinn" "Woobbuuuuuh!"

"You did it, Cyndaquil!", praises Crystal. "Cynda!", celebrates Cyndaquil getting the Typhlosions' respect and Justin to smile while Misdreavus smothers him by surprise. Quilava, however, seems very passive about the whole scene. "That was a great flamethrower attack, you should certain be good enough to join our squad if you ever evolve into a Typhlosion", expresses Capt. Aiden. Cyndaquil goes up to Quilava trying to woo her with his heroics but she still seems uninterested. Just then, the captain gets a ring from his VoiceStream cell phone. No, it's not his Wartortle fraternity master brother nor is it co-spokeswhores Catherine Zeta-Jones or Jamie Lee Curtis. It's police whore, Officer Jenny.

"Yes, officer?", he asks. "Capt. Aiden, the Yanma are back, and they've brought more than ever!", complains Jenny running away from the situation instead of doing her duty. "Where are they?", asks Aiden as we don't hear where they're going to, "..... okay, we'll be there right away." "What's wrong?", wonders Crystal. "The Yanmas are back.... we have to get there right away", orders Capt. Aiden. "San-shrew shrew", utters Sandshrew as the threesome gasps in horror. So all the Typhlosions hop in the back along with the threesome, Cyndaquil, Pikachu, Sandshrew and Misdreavus.

So when they arrive there, Officer Jenny briefs them that everyone's evacuated and all other information leaving out that she's a completely incompetent coward. So all the Typhlosions get to work kicking some Yanma ass as Officer Jenny's incompetence plays out some more as we see a young boy trapped in the water. "Oh no, how'd that boy get out there!", panics Officer Jenny. Pffffft.... how did he, indeed! "We've got to save him!", states Misty as a couple of Yanmas then see him as someone to annoy for no good reason. "Yanmaaaa", they happily go over to doom the young boy.

Capt. Aiden then has one of his Typhlosions then try to stop them but another wave of Yanmas cut them off. "Heeeelp meee", cries the young boy. "Oh no", fears Justin afraid that they might hurt the boy..... but then Cyndaquil dashes over and get in the way willing to save the boy. "Cyndaquil!", yells Cris-tal abruptly for some unknown reason. The Yanmas go for Cyndaquil but Crystal has him dodge them with his agility. "Way to go, Cyndaquil... show them what you're made of!", shouts Justin in encouragement. The Yanmas then begin to use sonic boom heading towards the worried boy. But then Cyndaquil uses its flame wheel thanks to Crystal who orders it and it fries the Yanmas to the point where they fly away.

This gets the attention and the subsequent respect of the battling Typhlosions for Cyndaquil's capabilities. Thus, everybody gets happy as Misty sends out Corsola who rescues the boy. "Corsola!", says the hyperactive pink horned pokemon as it carries him to shore. And so, the Typhlosions continue to battle the huge swarm of Yanmas until they can't take anymore and then just buzz off.

"They're gone!", proclaims Officer Jenny who earned her money doing absolutely nothing except maybe blow a couple whistles. "Are you alright?", asks Jenny warning him that he worried a lot of people. "I'm fine", responds minor character #368 (MC#368) as his mummy and daddy rush to take him away relieved that he's fine....... from there, they'll proceed to spank him for his misbehaving until his ass is Team Rocket red (new marketing scheme, Crayola? Eh?). "I bet they won't be coming back to this beach for a long time", quips Crystal. "Saaaashrrrew shrrrrrew!", agrees Sandshrew.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (It's mean, it's nasty for no reason, it plays dirty........... it's great!!!)

It's Bulbasaur!! .................................................. "Bulbasaurrrrrrrrrrr!"

So now it's time for the obligatory threesome parting with Capt. Aiden, the Typhlosion crew, and the hired whore Quilava....... but has Cyndaquil won the heart of the femme fatale and how will it affect him? "It's time for us to move on. We have to get to New York City", Crystal tells them. "Alright... it was great of you guys to visit and help out, especially you, Cyndaquil! You have the stuff it takes to be a great fire pokemon", Capt. Aiden tells him. "Cyndaquil", thanks Cyndaquil before going over to a nearby garden in the middle of nowhere to pluck a daisy and give it to Quilava with the stem burnt a little by his fiery breath.

He lays it down before her to which Quilava...... turns her head away again and sneers, "Quilava!"............. ???? But I thought this was a show where dreams come true and live happily ever after and all that gay stuff. Oh well... guess we'll leave that to Disney. "Cynda?", wonders Cyndaquil as Crystal, Sandshrew, and Pikachu fear a heartbreak. But then Cyndaquil looks at Justin probably remembering about not to let other pieces of booty get the better of him. So he squeals at Quilava, "Cynda! Cyndaquil." So Quilava walks back to her Typhlosions and Cyndaquil walks back to the twerps. Justin nods again as Crystal tells Cyndaquil, "It's okay, Cyndaquil. There will be someone else out there that'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated." "Shrew shrew", nods Sandshrew with Pikachu right behind them as we fade out on all of them.

Team Rocket??

Oh no..... our poor heroes are stuck in another swampy like area surrounded by Feraligators, Croconaws, and Remoraids alike. It's just like the Louisiana episode where the pokemon made live h'ors douervs out of all of them..... Most notably James. "Oh great, we're totally defenseless and outnumbered again", complains Jessie. "Woooooobbbuuuuhhffet", agrees Wobbuffet saluting Jessie as the Feraligators roar menacingly at them. Meowth then hears some noises coming from behind them making him panic. "Uhhh... don't look now, but we is about tah be even more outnumbuhd", he tells them. So they all turn around to see the same swarm of about 500 Yanmas crying happily as their careless path of doom heads right for them.

"AAHHHHHHHHHH-AHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAHHHH!", screams Team Rocket as we zoom away from the carnage as to not subject anyone to anything graphic..... must be a 4Kids edict. All this while Wobbuffet adds, "Wooooooooobbbuuuhhffet." But one of the troublemakers gets the last word on this one carrying out the one little line with a happy tone of voice.....

"Yanmaaaaaaaaaaa!"