Somewhere Under the Arch

Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 57

SOMEWHERE UNDER THE ARCH

Now that our threesome is out of New York without having to wait in one of those monstrous traffic delays, they're flying on Dragonite still donning those goofy pink goggles as they head westbound. Apparently, Pallet Town is thousands of miles west (or even more thousands of miles East) of New York. Justin hunched over the back of his Dragonite locking his legs firmly around her body.........

GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!!

... while Pikachu, Sandshrew, Crystal, and Misty are sitting back and relaxing comfortably in the custom made Dragonite flying pouch despite all the noise caused by the wind turbulence by flying at hundreds of kilometer's per hour. Misty then has Crystal take a good look as Crystal looks out and sees an arch down below where Misty is telling her to look. "Whoa.... is that what I think it is?", asks Cris-tal as Misty replies that it sure is.......

 

 

............................

 

 

............................

 

 

............................

 

 

............................

 

 

Well.... either Crystal and Misty's 'friendship' has reached a new level, or Misty has pointed out that they're flying over the gateway arch signifying that they've reached the city of Saint Louis. Now it would be interesting and more fun to go on from the first premise, but to keep this story from becoming another Cinemax type porno, we'll just go on as if they mean the second option of reaching the ol' St. Lou. Misty went to school long enough (unlike Ash) to know that the Gateway Arch signifies the gateway to the western half of Yankeeland and that the city is famous for making certain beverages....

.... beverages... like Budweiser, Bud Light, and the criminally brewed Busch beer brand!

"Precisely!", adds Justin yelling from Dragonite's back about a subject he probably knows very well. This leads Misty to marvel at how clean the city looks from thousands of feet up in the air just like every city does. Misty then proclaims that they'll be back in Pallet Town now before they know it where she'll meet her Ash and deliver the pokemon perverted stat device to Prof. Oak. At this point, with Pikachu pointing it out, Cris-tal starts having that vision again..... yeah, that one!

Oh wait.... half of you skipped the last story and didn't read it....

Well, I mean her visions of Suicune that she first encountered in the last episode in NYC. She gasps at the image of the shimmering blue legendary pokemon standing right under the arch defying the so-called beefed up national security. Then it disappears again in a flash as Crystal asks Misty if she saw that. Skeptical and conveniently blind again, Misty sees nothing and accuses Cris-tal of seeing things....... like that's anything new. Crystal looks baffled for a moment before she declares, "I know I saw something, didn't you, you guys?" "Saaashrew", answers Sandshrew as Pikachu adds, "Pi-pikaaa pikachu!", as they share her sightings.

She then asks Justin to land as he shouts back, "Land? What for?" Crystal declares that she saw a legendary pokemon down there.... the same one that saved them back in New York. "Are you absolutely sure, Crystal?", Misty asks gently. "I know I did..... it must be watching us for some reason!", she declares. "Hmmm... this does sound very unusual", determines Justin finding this to differ from one of Cris-tal's regular acid trips, "Alright.... Dragonite! Let's land!......... If we ask some people down in the city, maybe they'll know a thing or two about this pokemon that's watching us." "Well whatever it is, I'm determined to find out why it's watching us...", declares Crystal. "Pikaaa", adds Pikachu affirmatively flexing its big round paws.

 

<cue intro>

 

So Dragonite lands the twerps on an empty street outside the arch and near the big dome where the St. Louis Rams play. "That's quite a way to land with such a rare and beautiful pokemon", says a familiar voice that walks over to them. At first, the threesome see that it's a cop and get nervous.... but then they relax when they see that it's only Officer Jenny who would never arrest TV show good guys regardless of what they do. "Hey! It's Officer Jenny... good to see you... or, ahem... one of you, again", greets Justin getting very close up to greet her.

This slight breach of boundaries draws the ear hungry Misty to drag away Justin by his ear lobe. "All right, that's enough creepy greetings out of you for awhile. This makes Justin whine, "Aww... but whaaa? I didn't even do anything....", justifying himself. "Yeah yeah... let's move it", declares the ear-hungry Misty who obviously misses getting the chance to do that without the always horny Brock around. This gives Crystal a chance to explain why they landed a very dangerous pokemon so close to huge national landmark to the kindly officer.

Crystal says softly, "I'm sorry Officer Jenny, but I told my friend to land here because I could've sworn that I saw a mysterious pokemon that I could've sworn saved us when we were back in New York." "Well... since you're not familiar with this area, I'm assuming that you're unaware of the fact that this street is closed for security purposes. So I'll just let you off this time as long as you don't do it again", Jenny tells her looking the other way like her other relatives as Crystal replies that she understand. "But a mysterious pokemon?? What could that be??", asks the befuddled officer.

Crystal then explains that she swore it looked like it was standing there under the Gateway Arch watching them as they flew overhead. "That's strange, I didn't hear anything about it from any of my colleagues", declares Officer Jenny before asking, "What did it look like?". Crystal then describes that it was a beautiful shimmering blue creature that's as clear as the blue ocean. "It sounds to me like you're describing the legendary water purifier, Suicune", states Jenny. "Suicune?! I should've known", states Misty.

.... with your so-called water pokemon expertise?? Yes, you should have, Misty.

Suicune - the Aurora pokemon - Suicune races, across the land. It is said that, the north winds, will somehow blow whenever, Suicune, appears. (Crystal has taken out Dexter to find out about Suicune's basics.)

"So it was Suicune that actually saved us??", wonders Justin as Cris-tal figures so as we see Pikachu in a dodgy position massaging Sandshrew's back. "But why would Suicune be watching us?", wonders Misty not knowing much about spokes-pokemon for games. "Hey.... do you think it could have something to do with the fact that you successfully caught Entei?", suddenly figures Justin. "I'm not sure", utters Crystal as we hear the song 'Bad Boys' playing on Officer Jenny's personal mobile phone signifying that she has a phone which she takes the time to answer while she's on duty. "Hello?", greets Officer Jenny.

"Ah yes, good day Officer Jenny", responds a rockety sounding female voice on the other end of the line, "I understand that you have a Growlithe for your police duties." "Yeah...", says Officer Jenny suspiciously as the telemarketer delightedly tells her that they have an innovative new pokemon training center that will raise her Growlithe's levels for absolutely free with no gimmicks or hooks. "Ummm.... I'm sorry but I'm happy with my Growlithe the way it is", answers Officer Jenny as we reveal the telemarketer to be Jessie. "Really? Well you're making a big mistake because your Growlithe could be much stronger", Jessie tells her on one half of the screen making Officer Jenny go into a rare tirade shouting, "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU SLEAZY DEALERS, NO!!", before hanging up.

"Ooooh... the nerve of that woman refusing my dishonest, charming offer", grumbles Jessie as James quips that he thought she could get an impulse buy out of anyone. "Ey! At least she's sellin' a lot more units den you are!", chastises Meowth pointing to a sales board showing Jessie well ahead of James. And see? They don't need no high speed Dragonite to go thousands of miles in a matter of hours, they made it into Saint Louis just like how they made it back to Goldenrod City after they got sent across the land by Ash and co. proving their powers as true superheroes. "Wooooooooobbbuuhhffet", says another superhero, Wobbuffet, carrying a bunch of paperwork across the screen from the two telephone booths TR is operating from. "Well I'm not good at calling people in the privacy of their own home...", whimpers James.

"Come on, James, the more successful calls we make, the more pokemon we can scam away from their trainers", declares Jessie. "Woooooobbbuuuhhffet", cries out Wobbuffet walking back across the screen carrying papers. "Those papers aren't for you to audit!", commands Jessie calling back Wobbuffet into its pokeball dropping the papers on the ground. "Now later tonight, when all these suckers come by our secret location, they'll enter their pokemon here. We may raise 'em.... but then we'll also take them! Ha haaaah", laughs Jessie as Meowth adds "Yeeeah!"

Jenny apologizes about the telemarketing scam call advises them to be wary of scams over the phone being that they've had a lot recently in the city. "That's pretty low...", comments Justin as Crystal asks Officer Jenny if she knows anymore information about Suicune. "Well, I know a couple things about the legends of Suicune, but I'm not really an expert", says Officer Jenny. Thus, Misty gladly will substitute providing a personal Suicune lesson to her friend Cris-tal being that she's the water pokemon nut/expert and that she's encountered Suicune before.

She explains that Suicune is supposed to be the reincarnation of the north wind the legendary Ho-oh gave life to in order to watch over all humans. She remembers when she, Brock, and the Oxford genius poke-trainer saw it restore balance after TR destroyed one of the crystal Ho-oh bells. She adds that it was a very powerful pokemon adding that has the power to purify entire bodies of water and so on about legacies and stuff. Officer Jenny then tells them that if Suicune really were around here, she hopes it does something about the worsening condition of the nearby Mississippi River citing that its condition has gotten worse in recent years with pollution from factories.... no doubt a side effect of the Dubya administration.. Damn <fist shaking>!

"Suicune sounds like its a beautiful pokemon, Misty", comments Crystal along with Sandshrew sounding interested. "Ohh... you're absolutely right. Suicune's probably the most mystical and desirable of all water pokemon in the world", states Misty getting googly-eyed about the thought of Suicune... make of it what you will. "Pika-pii pikachu!",

Pikachu tells them further about the occurrences involving Suicune agreeing in part with Misty except for the dodgy obsession that mullet-haired Misty has.

"Well I'm going to investigate", declares Cris-tal as Justin wonders what 'Cris' means as she continues, "I'm going to ask as many people as I possibly can in this city if there have been any more sightings of Suicune." "Hmmm", Justin reacts as Officer Jenny tells them that she'll lend them a hand and ask some people that she runs into. And so, Cris-tal and the others are grateful for the assistance of the lazy, corrupt officer who'd rather ask people about a hard to find pokemon than do any real cop work.

We see clips of them interrogating native St. Louis inhabitants like those annoying survey takers to the tune of "All My Life".... the kickass song from the Foo Fighters as the threesome proceeds to search for clues related to trademark pokemon of the Pokemon Cris-tal game. They ask all kinds of people indiscriminately.... blacks and whites, rich and poor, young and old, gangsta and wanksta, even hobos were asked about Suicune by Crystal and her crew. We also see Officer Jenny asking some of her co-workers doing nothing as she sips on her Dunkin' Donuts coffee.

Later that night, the last gullible pokemon trainer gives their pokemon to a professional looking Jessie wishing them to take good care of their Gloom. "Don't you worry.... leave it to us", assures Jessie with her hair rolled up on top of her head like a surfer dudette. "Ok... thanks", says the little 11 year old girl out on the city streets by herself in the dark. And as she leaves, Jessie and Meowth gaze appealingly over the bevy of pokeballs they've stuffed in their sack.

"Ummm okay, now what do we do??", wonders James looking a bit more confused. "That's simple, we hide out here for the night and then do it all again tomorrow. Aaaahhh my image is perfect for conducting illegitimate business over the telephone", schemes Jessie. "So is my face...", states Meowth. "Well you can lie here like a sleeping Snubbull pleased that you accomplished something besides our personal goal...", states James calmly yet forcefully. "Huh?", wonders Jessie as James continues, "But I'm more interested in what we're REALLY here for.... to find that twerp and capture her Sandshrew and Pikachu. I'm going out to set a trap to capture them."

"Forget about those twerps for tonight... just be happy with what we got. Besides, haven't you ever heard of taking time to smell the Hoppips?", Jessie tells James. Hmmm... nothin like that Hoppip body odor to make someone feel good. "Eeeeyyy... Jimbo's right. It's great dat ya doin all dis telemarketin stuff durin duh day, but I ain't gonna rest here tuhnight while dose twoips pokemon is hangin' around here. I'm goin out, too, tuh set a trap!", declares Meowth.

Jessie then utters, "Fine.... just stay away from this warehouse area", as they are using a local warehouse to base their operations for the episode. "Ohh... but Jessie, my legs have too many Charlie horses to walk too many blocks... especially on a dark night in the city", whines James worried sick about those ugly gay rapists terrorizing the streets of St. Louis. "James, you can't set up your silly little trap out here?!?", replies Jessie. "Why not?", wonders Meowth making Jessie scream with her head inflating as much as their happy Buddha-faced Meowth balloon "BECAUSE IF THE TWERPS COME BY HERE, THEY'LL CATCH ONTO OUR TELEMARKETING SCHEME AND RUIN MYYY PLAN!!!", she yells as an intimidated, small-looking James and Meowth look up at their leader with anime-sweatdrop each. "Oh yeah... right", quips James nervously.

Later that night, the twerps end up spending the night at a cheap motel... most likely with the drug money Crystal got from Prof. Oak. "I can't believe that nobody we talked to said they saw the legendary Suicune.... even out of everyone we ran into", says Cris-tal despairingly as Sandshrew looks on in concern while Pikachu wants some more attention from its fellow rodent. Justin then enters their motel room claiming to have just gotten off the phone with Officer Jenny claiming that she didn't run into anyone that saw Suicune either.

"Man... I think Suicune's trying to drive me crazy", comments an exhausted Cris-tal looking like she's in bad need of some pot. "I don't think it's not out of the question, though, that Suicune may be using its mystical powers to have its image appear to you", thinks Misty aloud. "Yeah... who knows what some of these legendary pokemon are capable of...", adds Justin. "But you guys, how do you explain what happened back in New York... when we were saved from that explosion?", Cris-tal then asks Misty.

Yeah... explain that one, you supporting cast member twerps!!!

"Ahh.... uhh I... don't know...", figures Misty who now looks more puzzled than Cris-tal over this whole mess. "I think we need to just not worry about it for awhile and get some rest. Maybe all this about Suicune will boil over then...", figures Justin sagely...... sagely prepping the girls to hit the sack with each other. So after a blimp shot of the motel they're staying at to shield any drug activities from sensitive viewers, the threesome hit’s the sack.... and then we see them asleep.

Once again..... make of all that what you will...

While the twerps are sleeping though, we hear something spooky calling out to the threesome. This makes Cris-tal and Sandshrew wake up from spacing out as they wonder what that sound was. But their fears are temporarily calmed when they see the horny Misdreavus cuddle up against her lovey-dovey trainer, Justin, who's sound asleep by the way while Misdreavus is creeping up close behind him crooning gently, "Misdreeeeavus." "Oh... it's only Misdreavus.... good night", says a weary Crystal. "Sanshrew shrew", says the groggy Sandshrew as he resumes laying next to Pikachu near Crystal's feet.

But then, another noise wakes up Cris-tal again a few moments later as the weird noise echoes, "Kuuuuuuuuuunnnn." "Huh??", wonders Crystal with her black hair full of split-end and covering much of her face, "Could that be.... Suicune?" She pushes her hair back away from her face as she claims to herself that she senses a weird, mystical aura in the air as the screen turns blue to illustrate the aura. Thus, Cris-tal decides to follow her current senses as she leaves the motel leaving the rest of the threesome as well as Sandshrew and Pikachu behind.

Kids... the moral of this story seems rampantly obvious. Plus, I think you know what I'm going to tell you.... but damnit, to avoid this.... KEEP YOUR BUTT IN SCHOOL!!!

And oh yeah.... not doing crack also helps......

But to keep up with the story, Crystal's departure catches the attention of Pikachu's sensitive ears.... which wakes up the rest of its non-sensitive body. "Pikachu. Pika?", wonders Pikachu looking around the motel room to find that Cris-tal has disappeared. "Piiiika", utters a horrified Pikachu. It then pokes the sandy rodent pokemon sleeping next to it on top of the cheap $1.50 motel bedsheets. A couple jabs wakes up Sandshrew, who still sounds tired. "Saaashrew", wonders Sandshrew as Pikachu gets his attention notifying him that their trainer and trippy chemical supplier is gone.

"Shrew! Saaaaaanshrew", utters Sandshrew looking shocked and scouring the whole room to make sure she's just not stuffing herself in the closet for some reason. So rather than just lie there next to each other in the cold, they decide to escape and try to go after Crystal. They're smart enough to leave through the ceiling boards that push away climbing up the empty armoire to get there. From there, they scamper their asses out through another ceiling board and fall to the floor effortlessly since they regularly get beat up in pokemon battles. And thus, they exit the hotel into the city to look for Suicune-affected Cris-tal.

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pointy headed fighting git sounds like one of those fruity Disney characters.)

It's Hitmontop!!! .................................... "Hitmontooop!"

 

Out on the streets, Cris-tal sounds winded and obviously tired over this wild goose chase for Suicune. "Man.... Suicune must want something out of me.... I don't know what, but I know there's a reason that it's watching over me. Maybe after I caught Entei, now it wants to challenge me and my pokemon to a battle. Or maybe I share some kind of special connection with Suicune that I'm not aware of. It could be anything... who knows", declares Crystal bundled up in an overcoat being that it's become quite cold.

Or maybe... since Suicune wants to purify everything, perhaps it wants to rid the world of Cris-tal, who signifies just about everything that is unpure with the pokemon world. What about that, Crystal?!?

Meanwhile, James and Meowth (w/o Jessie), are constructing their trap to catch Crystal and her pokemon using a rope on the ground to set the trap catching them in a net that's hanging by a tree in a nearby park. As James is laying the rope down on the sidewalk, he questions Meowth's judgment asking skeptically, "Meowth, are you SURE that the twerps are around here??" "Absolutely Jimbo, da radar duhvice I secretly planted on dat Dragonite is still opuhrational and it's signal indicates dat da twoips is right nearby!", proclaims Meowth with TR's personal portable radar showing up out of nowhere.

Like that's the latest technology trend......

"Really? That thing is still working?", wonders James. "Yup-uhrino!", replies Meowth laying down a blanket on the sidewalk to cover the trap net that they just set down. "Coooool", remarks James sounding like the woman he sounded like on the St. Anne though not extending it quite as long. But Meowth doesn't want to wait for the 'foreplay' from James. Thus, Meowth utters the suggestively dodgy, "Come on.. stop stallin' and whip out da bait already." And of course, James obliges as he takes out his bait.........

Of course.... he takes out what you all want to see... <chuckle> .... a phony note.

"This note of a missing Sandshrew is bound to get that twerp's attention and when it does, their pokemon will be ours. Eeeeee hee hee hee hee hee hee heeee", proclaims James with the utmost glee. And I don't mean happiness... I truly mean 'glee'. "Brilliant touch with the backwards letters to make it look like it was written by a sobbing 6 year old, Meowth", adds James laying down the note. "Ey, tanks", replies Meowth as he looks out towards the river and then notices Crystal meandering along the river about to turn into their trap, "Heeey, here she comes. Hurry en hiiiide!" And so they crouch down together behind the bush to.... (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA)..... to hide from Cris-tal.

Crystal, meanwhile, is continuing to suffer the effects of Prof. Oak's special homemade crack, it seems like. For she is continuing to sense sounds and lingering effects of Suicune. She looks out to the polluted Mississippi River and thinks, "Ewww... that river is in really bad shape..." So she turns the corner and to her surprise, she sees some weird footprints on the sidewalk. She knows that she hasn't seen big poke-prints like this on any pokemon she's come across and subsequently wonders if the wet print was made by Suicune.

So she continues to walk down the street where she finds a blanket with a tiny note attached to it. "That's odd.... what's a blanket doing here. It looks like a note...", she says. She stands on the blanket soiling it with her dirty boots as she reads, "Please help me someone. I lost my poor Sandshrew. I lost it yesterday... it looks like this. <she notices stick figure drawing of Sandshrew slightly better than author's artwork> I really miss it an lot." "Hmmm... it's kinda odd, but still heartbreaking", then says Crystal sounding sad before the trap sets launching the net with her in it high above the ground.

"Awww.... alright what's going on here?!", she yells sounding shocked when she hears some cackling.

"Pwepare fuh trouble as Jessie might uh sang it", Meowth says leaping out from behind the bush.
"We hid this net underneath that blanket", says James but before Meowth can continue, "Hey Meowth... this doesn't sound right doing this without Jessie." Meowth then pleads to the partner of his life, "Why? we was complimentin each utter so poifectly? Not like you ever coulda wit' Jessie!"

Amen, Meowth.

"Meowth... we can't just use the motto with reckless abandon", says James flamboyantly. "Fine... have it yaur way. Buhsides, we got da twoip as well as Pikachu en Sandshrew all wrapped up", states Meowth not wanting to continue their little argument any further. But then Meowth looks up at Crystal trapped in the net and realizes, "Eeeey... where are Sanshrew en Pikachu?" "I don't see them either.... did you hide them??", James asks Crystal sternly. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Team Rocket, but Sandshrew and Pikachu aren't here", Crystal tells them.

"But... where is dey?", wonders Meowth as Crystal rudely tells him that it's none of your business and then wonders where Jessie is. "Well...", begins James before Meowth hushes him up warning him silently not to give away their other scam they have 'woikin'. So James just tells her, "For your information, Crissy, our colleague Jessie is working on other evil TR duties for the evening and will not be joining us. Now tell us where your pokemon are, or else!" "Don't be ridiculous, you two!", says Crystal refusing to tell the gay one and the furry one.

So James and Meowth huddle up as Meowth wonders what they should do since Cris-tal won't tell them anything about her two prized pokemon's locations. "What good is she gonna do if her Pikachu and her Sandshrew aren't with her?", asks James quietly and strategically. "Well as long as she's bound up by dat net, at least she won't be in our way when we look for the star duo", answers Meowth. "That's assuring to know. Without them she has no way of escaping our trap.

"Trap?? What trap?", Crystal yells at them as they turn around to realize to their horror that Crystal has escaped. She lands on the sidewalk in front of James and Meowth along with Bulbasaur as she compliments the badass grass type, "Good job with your razor leaf, Bulbasaur!" "Bulbasaaaaauuur!", responds Bulbasaur as shreds of blanket fluff and rope fall around the two of them. This obviously makes James and Meowth panic as James quivers, "I knew I should've taken her other pokemon into account." "Yeeeaah. Ya should've!", sternly adds Meowth not taking any blame for himself.

"Ohhhh....", cowers James before Meowth yells at him that they're gonna have to fight back. "Oh right.... Gooo Qwilfish!", yells James bringing out the spiky fish pokemon that comes out and flaps around on the ground without being able to attack. "Is there ever a useful location where pokemon like you can be used?!?", yells the fruity-sounding James at Qwilfish criticizing the usefulness of fish-type pokemon that dooms them to suckiness. So then James slips up further by trying to pick up the prickly pokemon making him yell, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!", in pain.

He then calls back Qwilfish as Crystal warns, "Stop wasting my time, TR", not giving them the dignity to call them by their names. That's one less time Crystal's used her enemies's actual names than our James has. "Hah! Try this on for size.... I choose you, Victreebel!", he proclaims. Thus, Victreebel comes out with the usual results of fitting James's head in its mouth while James squeals kicking and screaming, "<weird panic noise>.... I didn't say try ME on for size."

So, desperate to get Victreebel off his head he returns it to its pokeball declaring, "You lost your chance to battle today." Crystal then looks on at all this with a sweatdrop behind her reacting to the comedy show by uttering softly, "I know that they're bad, but this is just sad..." "Bulbasaur", agrees Bulbasaur as James finally relents, "Alright alright... fine! I choose you, Weezing." Thus, with the embarrassment and lack of a fight that James's other two pokemon put up and since our TR is too heroic to quit, even when it's good for them, James sends out the abominable slimeball.

"Weezhing", it mutters as Cris-tal readies Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur uses vine whip to tag Weezing to the delight of Crystal. But then James taunts Crystal saying, "Hah... if you think that's so impressive, choke on this! Smokescreen Weezing!" And so, Weezing covers much of the street with its toxic smokescreen making Cris-tal and Bulbasaur choke on the thick smoke. As we hear Bulbasaur's bulba-coughs, Crystal coughs out, "This smoke is so thick.... <coughing> I can't.... even... breathe..."

"You ain't catchin us tuhday, twoip!", teases Meowth as James adds, "Ta ta!" Thus, the ominous smoke continue to choke Cris-tal and Bulbasaur for several moments and leave them for dead. But just as it looks like Cris-tal has finally run into to chemicals she couldn't absorb, a fierce gust of wind and sand whooshes the smoke away saving Cris-tal and Bulbasaur. This makes Crystal sigh, "That was close", as then she hears something calling for her from behind. Why, what a surprise.... it's Sandshrew and Pikachu... and they've come just in time to rescue their master.

Betcha you didn't see that one coming......

"Sandshrew! Pikachu! How did you guys find us?", asks Crystal as Pikachu replies, "Pika-chu." So Crystal picks the two of them up with both arms and declares to be grateful that they're okay. Bulbasaur and Sandshrew then point out almost simultaneously that TR is still in sight and running away. "It's Team Rocket!", proclaims Crystal as she gets herself and her pokemon running, "Come on, guys, let's get after them!" The pokemon all cry out their names and go after the two of them.

Meanwhile, back at the motel, Justin comes back into the threesome's bedroom after taking a whiz. She then notices one of Crystal's headbands lying on the floor next to the bathroom. "Oh... it's Cris's headband. I'd better leave it next to her for when she wakes up", thinks Justin. And after not noticing that anybody was missing when he got up, when he goes over to Crystal's bed, he finds her missing along with her pokemon as well. "Misty, wake up!", Justin tells her as she gets up slowly. "<yawn> Huh?... what's wrong?", she wonders drearily.

"Cris is gone! And so are Sandshrew and Pikachu!", Justin informs her. "They're gone?", wonders Misty repeating Justin as she then utters, "Where do you think they went?" "Who knows?", answers Justin adding, "And who knows what made them disappear! I just don't know what to do to find 'em. This city is so big!" As they possibly believe that she may have disappeared into St. Louie's drug and gang scene, Misty decides to give themselves a hand responding, "Well let's just try to find her, we can call Officer Jenny for assistance." "Good idea", agrees Justin as they leave their motel room to look for Cris-tal forgetting one thing.

"Mis-dreee", croons Misdreavus opening up her sleepy eyes... eyes that suddenly become sleepless when she doesn't see her Justin next to her. So as she looks out, she finds to her horror that Justin and Misty are leaving the motel room without them. So she urgently floats through the wall of the motel room shouting, "Misdreeeevus!", wanting the two of them, well, only Justin actually, to wait for her.

As this is unfolding, James and Meowth, with the abominable Weezing tagging along, race back to their base of their telemarketing scam hoping that Crystal isn't close enough to chase them. "Ahaaaaa! It's always a pleasure to speak with you. Night Noctowls are just more all-around good people I say!", laughs Jessie with her headset on speaking to a customer. "Wooooooooooobbbuuuuuhhffet!", salutes Wobbuffet speaking into Jessie's headset. "Well... I'll be seeing you and your Butterfree, tomorrow", Jessie says as James and Meowth wonder what she's doing.

"What does it look like I'm doing?? I'm conducting business... the .1% of people that I'm getting through to have been so nice to me", gushes Jessie, "And to think.... they made business calls at this hour illegal. Oh well... At least I'm doing business. What about you? Did you catch those twerp's pokemon?" "Ah.. eee.. ooh... ehh", utter James and Meowth in panic before Meowth saunters and says somberly, "No... we did not." "That twerp escaped so we ran away and are hiding in here", adds James.

"Hiding in here?!?", wonders Jessie with Wobbuffet standly firmly beside her, "I hope that they didn't SEE you run into here, did they?" "Well.... I don't think so...", says James when the door is suddenly kicked open. "A-ha! There you are!", declares Cris-tal as Sandshrew also yells at them. TR then panics as James and Meowth back up and Jessie races around to block the sack of pokeballs they've stolen. Jessie nervously bites her nails with Wobbuffet still standing behind the desk that she was operating from.

"Hey.. what are you trying to hide?", asks Crystal suspiciously with Pikachu and Bulbasaur ready to kick ass. "Uhhh.... nothing", says Jessie very nervously, "Besides... you don't have a beef with me, it's those two nimrods whom you currently have a problem with, right?" "Don't be foolish, Jessie", retorts Crystal not caring whether or not they separated their evil deeds for the night. And thus, James gaffes proclaiming, "Forget it, twerp! Keep our evil deeds separate from hers!" And so, for the first time as far as I can remember, this major gaffe leads to Jessie screaming, "SHUT UP!!!", with her head really enlarged and made more scary.

Let's see 4Kids have the balls to have one of Pokemon's characters yell 'shut up!', instead of ohhh saaayy.... smashing their partners with mallets and Japanese fans of death and fists to the head and so on....

Crystal looks around Jessie and sees that she's hiding a sack of what looks to her like pokeballs. She then announces that she's determined that they're probably stolen since you're acting so nervous about it. "Noooo... you can't steal what's now rightfully ours! Dunsparce.... GOOOOOOOOOOO!", Jessie says sounding appalled before releasing the land snake pokemon. "Attack that twerp and those pokemon!", proclaims Jessie as Wobbuffet beckons out patiently again. This gets Jessie to notice the happy blue blob and then she goes back to say, "You battle, too! Time for you to carry your weight around here!", and then she kicks Wobbuffet next to Dunsparce as James also sends Weezing into battle.

Dunsparce attempts to use takedown on Pikachu who, of course, avoids it. Pikachu then uses its iron tail attack on Dunsparce to knock it back. James then has Weezing try to use its smokescreen again but we are denied the relief of Weezing covering up its hideous face when Crystal tells Bulbasaur to stop it with vine whip. Bulbasaur grabs Weezing in between its two Frankenstein-like heads and then slams it to the ground. Sandshrew then tries its take down attack on Wobbuffet only for Wobbuffet to glow red and counter it away.

"Good job, Wobbuffet! Keep it up!!", coaches Jessie. "Wooooooooobbbuuuhhffet", responds Wobbuffet with a salute. "Come on, Sandshrew. You can do it! Wobbuffet may be strong but there's no way it can stop your strong take down attack twice!", Crystal states. And by her declaration, she is right... for Sandshrew barrels right through Wobbuffet's resistance knocking it backwards to the fear of TR. "Oh no... Wobbuffet's in trouble! Dunsparce! I need you noooow!", yells Jessie but gets no reaction from her blubbery pokemon and thus, she goes, "Huh?"

She spots Dunsparce curiously looking out the window not paying attention to the mayhem going on inside. "Get over here you pea-brained pansy!!! What are you looking at, anyway?!", yells Jessie as she goes over to drag Dunsparce back into the match. But then TR notices that the window is glowing blue and so they all try to get a glimpse of what Dunsparce is staring at. They notice.... guess who??!!... the same mystical blue wolf-like pokemon creature that Crystal's been spotting recently. "Aaaahhhh! Is that what I think it is?!", quips Jessie. "No way!", gasps Meowth as James states that while it's hard to tell, he believes that it's the ancient and legendary Suicune.

"You've gotta be kidding?!", gasps Cris-tal as Jessie proclaims the value and significance of catching an extraordinary one-of-a-kind pokemon. "But Jessie, who's gonna keep da pokemon we already scammed, safe?", wonders Meowth. "I will!", declares Crystal as she and her pokemon look on menacingly at TR. "Eeeeee! We left our stash unguarded!", panics James looking as worried as Jessie wonders what they're gonna do. "We's gonna run out dere en catch up wit dat Suicune before it gets away!!!", Meowth yells as J & J agree and they thus, rush out along with Dunsparce and Wobbuffet.

"Pika!!", declares Pikachu as Sandshrew and it want to rush after them to stop them. But once they exit the warehouse, Crystal yells for the two of them to wait as she leaves with Bulbasaur just in front of her. "Let 'em go, you guys!", advises Cris-tal breaking the taboo of not viciously attacking the enemy when they don't have to. ....<drops jaw sarcastically> OH MY GOOOOD!! She explains to her pokeys that she's not worried about Suicune since it's so elusive to them, what chance does TR have of finding it let alone catching it. Thus, she's realized that if TR can't beat a pothead like her, they have even less chance (actually none) of capturing a giant water pokemon god-like wolf.

So Sandshrew reacts by shouting out joyfully, "Saaaaanshrew shrew!" They then share a hearty laugh as they then see and feel something magical and twinkling in the air. "I wonder what that could be?", wonders Crystal as they follow the magic pokemon dust down the street to the end where they see the Mississippi River and something in it that makes them gasp. They see the filthy, disgusting Mississippi River magically transform into a sparking, beautiful body of water that oil company executives could've never imagined. "Woooooow", goes Crystal as Pikachu, Sandshrew, and Bulbasaur all look on with big bright eyes at the mystical sight.

Suicune then takes off racing downstream on the other side of the river. As Crystal is still enjoying the visions of Suicune and the enjoyable acid trip she's been on all night, Misty, Justin, and Officer Jenny race in finding Crystal and yelling at her to get her attention. "Oh man, thank goodness you're alright, Crystal. And you too, you guys", says Misty telling Cris-tal and then her pokemon. "Pikaaaa", says Pikachu delightedly.

Officer Jenny then notices how much cleaner and more pristine the river is to her shock as Justin notices how beautiful is it as well despite noticing how filthy and Anna Nicole Smith-like is was earlier. "There's only one pokemon that's capable of cleansing the river like this..... Suicune", states Officer Jenny. "So it WAS here!", proclaims Justin as we see the arch in the background behind him. "See? I'm not crazy... I know I've been seeing Suicune around us!", declares Crystal.

Officer Jenny then admits that she was skeptical like most government officials usually are at weird sightings like UFO's. But now that she's seen the river magically cleansed she's convinced that the legendary Suicune has been running around here out of sight from everyone sober. "Well... wherever it's going, I can't be thankful enough for what it's done for us", says Crystal as Sandshrew adds on, "Shrrrreew. Saaashrew."

The next afternoon, once the threesome wakes up and takes care of what they have to take care of as far as hygiene and organic chemistry, they put on their best faces to thank and say good-bye to Officer Jenny. Officer Jenny informs them that they've gotten the sack of pokemon stolen in TR's telemarketing scam as she then thanks Crystal for doing all the police work for her lazy ass. "Phew. That's good", says Crystal sounding relieved. Misty then tells Jenny that they appreciate all the help that she gave them.... because after all, she could have spent all that time making a difference in her community instead.

Officer Jenny then asks them where they are headed as Crystal tells her that they're taking a high-tech pokemon device.... y'know, the latest craze in poke-sex toys that Prof. Pine had.... back to Prof. Oak in Pallet Town. She tells them that if they don't want to fly on Dragonite, that there's a military base a short flight away from them in Kansas that will be glad to take them to Pallet Town. After all, the USA has to make it's drastically bloated military and defense budget useful for something. Why not use some of it for television??

"A helicopter ride?? That sounds cool", Justin says while Misty seems less than excited as a sweat drop forms behind her head. "Oh boy.... another helicopter ride", she laughs remembering that the last one resulted in near death being saved by Togepi's evil powers. "The soldiers there are a little macho, but they're usually all business and they can fly you back just fine", Officer Jenny tells them as Crystal ok's her. And thus, the threesome mount Dragonite.... Uh ahem... climb onto Dragonite ready to take off again. Justin waves good-bye while on Dragonite's back to Officer Jenny as the threesome and Dragonite take off next to the Gateway arch.

So now at least we know that their big American tour is coming to an end and that they'll be in the land of Oz next time. But what they don't know is that they'll join forces, or at least causes with their arch-enemies TR. That's right.... your heroes and mine will truly become heroes.

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This fruity looking pink pokemon sometimes acts like the weirdo alien that most think it is.)

It's Clefairy!!! ................................. "Clefaaiiiry."

 

Speaking of our real heroes, TR is still hot on the trail.... well maybe lukewarm by now... of Suicune as they are tracing the path of Suicune. And they're tracing it in style by floating down the recently cleared Mississippi River on a tube raft they pulled out of nowhere. "I'm glad dat da current here on dis big ol' stream is movin' so fast dat we don't hafta paddle", comments Meowth laying down and relaxing next to Wobbuffet. "Watch out Suicune, cuz Team Rocket's about to find you!", proclaims James who then mutters after a long pause, "Ummm... we're very close to catching up with Suicune, right?"

Jessie responds hesitantly, "Uhhh.... I think so. Suicune wouldn't let dishonest trainers like us strand and starve themselves for days, right?", as she and her observant Dunsparce look out for any signs of the aurora type wolf pokemon. (Note: I call them wolf types because they're way to big to me to be called canid.) "Wooooooobbuuhhffet!", says Wobbuffet as the sound of gushing water gets their attention. "Hey! Do you think that sound is being made by Suicune?", wonders James sitting up in excitement. "Maybe... perhaps the end of the river here will lead us to Suicune!", states Jessie excitedly as Dunsparce cries out its catch cry next to her.

"Eeeyyyyy... I don't tink dat's Suicune. It sounds like.... a WATUHFAAAALLLL!", panics Meowth. "WATERFALL?!", shout J & J nervously as Wobbuffet salutes and confirms their fears. "Looks like Team Rocket's gone over the edge agaaaaaaiin!", they all yell as they all gallant plunge downwards very quickly.

But not to fear TR fans, they'll be okay for the next episode like always. For they have heroic roles to play in the next episode as well as an important history lesson concerning one of their TR comrades. Poetic Hint: He took a beating for awhile, but didn't lose that patient smile.

To Be Continued