Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 60

Well last time, the world's new favorite twerps were on their way to the Fuchsia Gym (which I've now mentioned about 200 times already) and we were also waiting anxiously to see whether or not they would make it there without having to go through another distraction type adventure. Well have a Mankey spank me and call me, "Mnkey mnkey mankeeeeeeee!", Misty spots the weird Kabuki house where Ash went last time for the Fuchsia gym badge. "All right, now I can finally win Kanto League Gym badge #5, you ready to win, guys?", Cris-tal asks her two buddy pokemon with a sigh of relief. Thus, Pikachu and Sandshrew utter their own eager responses. Justin then informs Cris that she'd better be careful since the gym has been known to be very tricky for each challenger that comes there.

"Don't worry, I'm ready to turn their tricks into our treats", Crystal replies alluding to Halloween, "Now let's go in and check this place out." "I certainly hope they're ready for us, this time...", says Misty referring to their last visit when the maze like gym almost killed them. Once they enter, they find something waiting for them to give them a shock, but it ain't deadly though it is a hell of a twist. The threesome open the door and see cameras focused on them as some commentator guy comments, "And here comes what looks to be an Indigo League gym challenger ready to take on Fuchsia gym leader Janine. I'm Kent Mossburger here along with my partner, former Elite Four legend Agatha Marshall. Welcome to the Fuchsia City Gym everybody, now we've got what looks like a pretty good match-up on our hands." "I certainly hope so, Kent", replies Agatha.

"Umm.... may we help you?", asks Justin as Crystal remarks that she's actually competing in Kanto League, not the Indigo League. "Well that's even better!", responds Kent, "What a special treat for our viewers!" "Your viewers?", questions Misty as Pikachu also looks confused. But then some girl walks up to them and tells the threesome, "Don't mind them, they're here for the ABC/BBC/TSN/JSC(Johto Sportschannel)/Kanto2/and TV3 pokemon gym battle of the week." "For real?", gasps a shocked Cris-tal sounding dazed and cracked out. Sandshrew also utters a cracked out, "Shrew shrew", as the girl introduces herself as Janine, daughter of Koga and Fuchsia City Gym leader. "This weekend, my gym has been highlighted to show the televised gym battle of the week for whoever challenged me, which I guess would be you along with your Sandshrew and Pikachu, right?", Janine asks them.

"Um, yes. I'm here to battle for a Kanto League badge", Cris-tal tells her. "Well you've come to the right place, I'm warmed up and all ready for any challenger that wants to take me on. In just a few moments everything will be ready for showtime", Janine informs them. This makes Justin cringe as he utters, "This all means Cris's gym battle is gonna be live on....... international television!" "We're gonna be on TV!", adds Misty shoving her pretty make-up filled face in front of one of the cameras.

<cue intro>

Crystal then remarks that she didn't expect to get so much attention for this as they're all walking towards the battle gym. "Is it making you feel any more nervous, Cris?", Justin asks her. "Well naturally I do have a few more butterflies, but I'm not gonna let it lose my focus", Crystal comments. But then Mr. Mossberger, the play-by-play announcer tells her not to worry since they'll be calling the battle from up in the booth so they won't even notice it, the only difference will be that there'll be an extra couple of cameras around the gym area. "That's cool", comments Justin who then asks Janine about what happened to Koga and how she got to become the gym leader. "Koga? Oh you're talking about my dad, have you battled him?", Janine asks. "In fact I have, very tough battlers he and his pokemon are...", Justin replies as Janine explains to him the story of her succeeding Koga at the Kabuki inspired Fuchsia Gym.

She tells them about how masterful that her father Koga was in battling his challengers. Meanwhile, we are treated to still images of Koga battling as his Venomoth avoids a flamethrower and another one of his Golbat weaving through an ice beam. After Janine describes how superior her father was to even God himself, she then tells the threesome that Koga got the opportunity to become a member of the Elite Four, the most respected group of pokemon zen masters in the world anywhere according to Janine herself. And before he left, he would entrust the gym to the best prepared trainer that belonged to the gym and even though she was Koga's little miss princess, he didn't take no crap and made her battle as well she claims. She concludes that while it wasn't easy, she battled and trained her pokemon to the top and won the right to be the Fuchsia City gym leader.

Believing Janine's gym leader myth for dodgy purposes is strictly up to you...

"Cool, so you went through all the trials that the three of us went through during pokemon leagues", comments Justin as his Misdreavus comes out to harass him again for some lovin'. Thus, Justin quips, "Well.... at least most of the trials, anyway", as he calls back Misdreavus. Misty then notices all the people that are filing in and sitting down in the bleachers. "Whoa, are ALL those people here to see your match?", wonders Misty standing next to Cris-tal. "It sure looks like it", responds Crystal as Pikachu and Sandshrew gaze into all the people that are filing in. "Oh yeah... most of them are frequenters of this gym, I even have a few fans <giggle>. They wouldn't miss a chance to watch an internationally televised battle", Janine tells them coming over to the two 'good friends' for a brief moment before going away again to prepare.

"Of course", remarks Crystal who starts to get a bit jittery with help from the extra electric energy from the TV equipment as well as Pikachu's anxiety, "I'll be on international television..... where millions will be watching... heh heh. Including Ash, Professor Oak, and even my mom." As the illness-inducing Butterfrees in her stomach reach a fever pitch, Misty encourages Cris-tal to calm down and helps by putting her hand on Cris's shoulder. Misty then tells her that big audiences always used to motivate Ash during the Indigo, Orange, and Johto League tournaments which sounds like it turns the styled-up redhead on. She then finishes by suggesting, "Think of this as a warm-up for the Kanto League Championship battle. There's gonna be even more people watching you then, in person and on TV."

Justin then catches up with the two of them telling Crystal, "Misty's right, Cris. This is a great battle environment to help you get used to... performing, shall we say, in front of large crowds. Once you go out there and fight your best battle with confidence, the crowds will become more of a help than a problem." Misty nods in agreement as Justin continues, "And that also goes for you guys and your companions, as well", Justin then tells Pikachu and Sandshrew, "Don't let the crowd pressure get the better of you." "Shrew shrew", obliges Sandshrew as Pikachu does its own little salute to Justin with a happy smiling, "Pi-ka-chuuu!" Crystal laughs and claims that he doesn't have to worry about them since they've already handled the pressures of battling before a lot of spectators adding that it's only she, herself that has to worry about the crowd. "Though the fact that people I know, like Ash, may tune in and find out I'm on TV may give them, as well as me, quite a shock", Crystal then utters. But Justin tells her not to worry about that since he already started by talking to 'his boy' Ash while she was starting to prepare triggering the race to coin a new -shipping term for the series. (Just what it needs....) "You did?!", reacts Crystal as Pikachu also gives a violent reaction to this news as Crystal then breathe out, "oh boy... now the whole world will truly be watching."

What a perfect way to transmit from Crystal's respiratory problems to our true heroes, Team Rocket, as they wander around the woods despondent that we lost the twerps. "Way to go, Meowth. Thanks to you, we've lost all signs of the twerps", Jessie says weakly. "I'd like to complain, too, but I'd rather look for signs of food... or Sandshrew..... or Pikachu... or some new trendy club outfits.... or heck, even a date! At least that way, I could get treated to some ice cream out of it", adds James mentioning the obligatory food and sex but omitting cars. And wouldn't most guys hate to resist taking out James for some ice cream? "Of course it's always my fault when our computer junk goes haywiya like our twoip trackin' system we planted on dat big ugly orange peel, Dragonite", responds Meowth.

The prompts TR to sit down in front of this huge dojo looking building as Jessie remarks tiredly, "Ohhh... I'd do anything to catch any kind of break, be it legal or illegal." "WOOOOOBBUUUHH WOOOBBUUUHHFFEEEET!", greets Wobbuffet with a salute for the home audience (hi, kids!) making Jessie remark passively that she didn't mention illogical as she brings back the patiently pleased blue aura of contentness back into its ball. "Excuse me, but I couldn't help but hearing that you were looking for something to do", says some Paisano looking tough guy with black hair in a hooded sweatshirt with a deep, scruff voice. "I guess you could put it that way", says Jessie as the tough look of the big rough, tough guy does make James look up at the part of his chest that's hairy. "I need a few extra helpers with our TV crew and I was wondering if you'd be willing to lend us a hand", the guy responds.

"Now just a cotton-pickin' minute! Da tree of us aren't da type dat get bossed around", Meowth yells back at him. James then continues his eternally suggestive innuendo by stating not too rudely (so as not to turn off the hottie), "He's right you know, we're not some blue-collar slaves or anything like that." The mob guy replies that if they help him out, there's a huge all-you-can-eat buffet in it for them that all the TV employees are entitled to. "Really?", gasps James staring at the steroid-buffed chest of the Paisan. "An all-you-can-eat buffet! And important people are going to be there so you know the food will be first class!", says a suddenly giddy Jessie. James then asks Meowth what he thinks as Wobbuffet comes out again to smile, shout, "Woooooobbuuhh wooooobb", and salute at the guy. "..... what the blue omen of misadventure is saying is that we'll do it", Jessie says ignoring Meowth's input and trying to get her best side for the greezy yet hunky manager mob dude.

While TR gets a temporary initiation into becoming teamsters... or Teamsters Rocket, Crystal is downstairs talking to her mother just before her battle. Nothing like a pre-battle pep talk from coach mom. "Hey mom... have you heard the news?", Crystal asks. And in a scenario that shows Mrs. Fletching to be a few screws short of a fully functioning humanoid robot, Marguerite replies that she sure has, claiming to know that she's already reached the Fuchsia Gym. "Well yeah, but... in addition to that, the match is also going to be covered on television", Crystal then tells her. "On TV.... well you can bet young miss that I'm going to be watching every second <weird dodgy chuckle>", Marguerite tells her daughter. "Uhhh.... yeah", replies Cris-tal uneasily as she sounds more and more desperate to find time to light up another joint.

"Oh don't worry, everyone's gonna be on your side, Crystal", Crystal's whacked out mom tells her. "Saaaashrew", quips Sandshrew as Marguerite claims that even Sandshrew agrees that she'll be fine. With that, the mother and daughter part ways as Cris-tal preps for her overhyped gym battle.... thanks to the media, of course. And as Crystal goes to walk out to the battle area, we switch back quickly to TR as they continue their Teamsters-for-a-day gig. "Okay.... this is going to be the buffet room after the match", the boss guy tells our TR showing them a very empty room. "HEY... what kind of buffet is this?!", shouts Jessie in outrage. "It's a joke buffet en it looks like da joke's on us", adds Meowth.

But their boss shouts at them that the food hasn't arrived yet and so, what they need to do is go down to the main closet to get out a few tables so that the chefs can set the buffet on. And he also adds on to make sure that all the tables are covered with the table cloth provided for the employee buffet. "Yes sir!", replies TR immediately as the boss leaves so they can go get to work for much less than minimum wage.... actually, they're making $0 but a free buffet offsets any financial shortcomings of the deal. Meowth then notices the battlers that are coming out to the arena that they're working at. "Let's see what losers are participating in this", comments Jessie as they go to look.

Oh boy..... I wonder who they end up seeing....... <explosion is heard of a mechanical detection device>

"WAAAAAHHH!", they all gasp as James remarks, "I cannot believe it! It's the twerp!" "She must be going for her next gym badge today", adds Jessie as Meowth wishes to stay and watch how she as well as Pikachu and Sandshrew do. "LET'S GET A MOVE ON WITH THESE TABLES!!", shouts the boss guy making TR (especially James) obey since a free buffet means more to them than studying an adversary in battle. When TR brings up the wooden tables, the Teamster boss tells them that once they finish with the tables that he has some more jobs for them to do. This makes Jessie grumble a little as she asks her colleague in a TR aside, "Hasn't this guy heard of the concept, 'One at a time'?" "Woooooooooobbuuhhffet", chips in Wobbuffet voicing his opinions.

Meanwhile, the TV people have started to broadcast the big battle. "Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to the Fuchsia City Gym for this major Kanto League gym battle between gym leader Janine Mara and challenger, Crystal Fletching!", says Kent Mossburger, "Hello everyone, I'm Kent Mossburger and with me is pokemon training legend, Agatha Marshall. And Agatha, we've lucked out today with an extra special Kanto League match-up with a trainer that looks poised to become a Kanto League champion. But the Fuchsia gym leader, Janine, has proven to be a very solid opponent with her array of poison-based pokemon. So what does Ms. Fletching have to do in order to triumph today and win a Kanto League Soul Badge?" "Well Kent, Janine indeed, is a formidable opponent for this challenger to take on. But pokemon battling requires mental fortitude as well as the ability to direct your pokemon. I think if Crystal wants to pull out a win here, she's going to have to outthink Janine and her pokemon are going to have to outwit Janine's especially tricky pokemon", replies Agatha comin' through with the color commentary.

Meanwhile, out on the battle area, Cris-tal still has the butterflies thinking, "So many of my friends watching me on the air. I just hope I don't seriously slip up." And thus looking for encouragement, she turns to her coaches as Justin gives her an enthusiastic thumbs up and Misty smiling and telling her, "You got it, Crystal! This battle is yours to win!!" "Misssdreeeavus", encourages Misdreavus to show that even she supports Crystal as she then tries to nuzzle Justin which isn't really possible since she's a ghost pokemon. "Aah! NO!", panics Justin trying to avoid another ghostly raping in front of millions of viewers watching on the laziness of their own arses and laughing at him being such a dork.

That Justin..... what a f*cking dork!!!

So then the judge person, who looks like a 16 year old Elvis announces the rules that it'll be a 2 on 2 battle this time with no other restrictions. "Are you ready?!", shouts the ref/announcer to Janine as she claims that she's ready to battle and then to prove that she's not a total scumbag unlike some other gym leaders ***coughErikatheperfumecapitalistcough***, she publicly wishes Crystal the best of luck graciously. Crystal thanks her and reciprocates the good luck to Janine as the ref asks if she's ready. And after a brief pause, she declares confidently that she's ready. And with that, the ref declares, "Let the battle begin!" "I choose you!", shouts Crystal as she's shown throwing out her first pokemon which reveals to be her drugged up counterpart, Noctowl.

Noctowl chirps, "Brrrriiiirrrrrrd!" as dusty particles scatter around the off-colored bird pokemon while Noctowl's wings are not flapping as fast as they should be to keep a pokemon the size of Noctowl in the air. "Noctowl, huh? That's an interesting choice", comments Misty. "It's also a very good choice", states Justin as he explains that Janine's pokemon are mostly poison types and Noctowl's psychic attacks work very well against them. Janine then gives a smartass smirk and then throws out a Voltorb throwing any advantages that Noctowl had out the proverbial window.

"Oh no! A Voltorb? Janine must've been prepared for Noctowl", remarks Misty, "... and Crystal shouldn't have thrown out her pokemon too soon." Justin then reveals more mysteries to her that actually, the trainers had to pre-select their first pokemon so there was no way for Janine to get an upper hand like that. Justin then says that instead, Cris and Noctowl were the victims of bad luck though Janine did make a smart assumption making her start out with Voltorb. "And so for the first round of this 2 on 2 pokemon battle, it'll be Crystal's Noctowl against Janine's Voltorb", announces Kent Mossburger to the TV audience. "Ouch! A bad draw for the challenger. Naturally, you would think about switching out Noctowl, probably to the challenger's ground-type Sandshrew. But then if she does that, the gym leader Janine can switch to a pokemon type that Sandshrew is weak against. So it looks like Crystal, unfortunately is stuck with Noctowl", comments Agatha providing the color.

"Our gym has been guarded for as long as we've been here by dozens of Voltorbs. So naturally, I took one for my own and raised it to be the strongest of the bunch. Didn't see that coming, did you?", Janine tells Crystal alluding to the Voltorb that roll around the dojo like complex. "Noctowl is ready for anything", retorts Crystal citing Noctowl's extra special sensing abilities that it's ... 'shiny'... form allows it to perceive. Meanwhile, TR is pondering the possibility that they may be lucky enough to be on TV.

"This is almost so exciting! We're almost on television", declares Jessie watching the booth where the commentators are calling the battle. "Yeah... almost but not quite", replies Meowth sounding much less enthusiastic, "Stars like us should be in front uh da camera, not behind da camera." "Wait a minute, Meowth. Some of the biggest names in Hollywood have started their careers doing jobs like what we're doing right now. That big tough guy we're working for must've seen our unbounded potential", argues Jessie. "Maybe one day soon, we'll be big shots like those two camera hogs in there", James says watching Kent and Agatha. "... and be small time announcers that appear once a weekend?? I think not! At least not for me, anyway!", Jessie tells James.

Then, a nerdy looking guy comes out of the announcing booth and spots TR recognizing them as the special workers that the boss hired for this match. Jessie blushes in embarrassment and chuckles, "Well... ha ha.. I guess special is one way of putting it." "I need you to take these battle files and deliver them to the boss ASAP. He's probably waiting for them by now", the guy tells them. "Ey... whaddaya tink we are? Messenger people?", shouts Meowth making Jessie press his lips together. She then tells him while grabbing Meowth's throat is a horrific scene of pokemon abuse, "We mean that we'll get it to him right away <aside to Meowth> especially when mounds of free food are at stake!" "WOOOOOOOBBBUUUHHFFET!", salutes Wobbuffet with his scratchy voice looking patiently at the nerdy employee.

Justin shouts for Cris to watch out as Voltorb is ready to attack which it does with a thunder attack. But Crystal and Noctowl's special abilities help them to see a lightning-fast attack coming at them in time to do something about it. And thus, Crystal has Noctowl spin right through the two bolts of electricity as we see how Noctowl makes it through in slow motion. With Noctowl free, that allows it to dish out what its got within itself as it unleashes a confusion attack on Voltorb. "Light screen now!", shouts Janine making Voltorb block the confusion attack. "Keep up the confusion attack Noctowl, we'll get to that Voltorb!", declares Crystal as Noctowl continues to emit its confusion from its fully crested eyebrows.

"This is interesting. Noctowl is trying to pull an upset here over the electric type Voltorb and right now, Noctowl has the edge and the offensive", Kent Mossberger tells the home viewers. "Excellent job here by Noctowl of using its psychic ability to the best of its advantage to avoid the attack and now pressuring Voltorb to hold up its light screen”, commentates Agatha. "Keep it up, Noctowl!", yells Misty as Noctowl 'goes higher' another level and another confusion attack busts Voltorb's light screen and busts its defenses making the pokeball look alike roll backward saying robotically, "Volt-orb!" "What an impressive attack by Crystal as she now begins to assert herself in this battle", shouts Kent as the crowd reacts to the dueling (oops, that's the other anime Yu-Gi-Blow!)... I mean, battling. "Well as you see the slow mo instant replay..", begins Agatha as she gets cut off so we can focus back on the battle.

Voltorb then tries to use thunder wave which Noctowl dives down to escape from as the electric energy soars right over Noctowl's head. Noctowl then flies back up to its previous altitude when Crystal has it use hypnosis to try and send Voltorb on a supreme acid trip. But Janine doesn't let Voltorb go trippin' desperately shouting for Voltorb not to look at Noctowl. With Voltorb safe from the hypnosis, Janine decides to get Noctowl using a sonic boom attack. "Sonic boom attack?", wonders Crystal as Misty alertly tells her that sonic boom is a special attack of Voltorbs which is very difficult to avoid.... not to mention a few other capabilities the attack possesses (shattering glass) which aren't important for the current plotline and are therefore and otherwise unmentioned in this story. So Crystal tells Noctowl to watch out which ends up being useless since the attack catches up with Noctowl to the concern of Sandshrew and Pikachu.

Voltorb then uses thunder wave with Noctowl roughed up paralyzing Noctowl on the ground where it is. "Noctowl, no!", shouts Crystal as Justin pleads to Cris not to give up since Noctowl can still fight. The crowd reacts with more noise to this flourish from Janine's side. "And after an initial burst from Noctowl, Voltorb has come storming back to give Noctowl a little taste of its own power!", Kent announces. "Janine sure has bounced back from a slow start, a great call to mix up Noctowl with a sonic boom attack that time to swing the advantage the other way", Agatha adds.

Meanwhile, in the rooms in back of them we see TR struggling to go back and forth and complete all the errands and setting up equipment that they've been relegated to doing being teamsters. "I am really starting to not like this! This is a lot to go through for me without trying to steal anything!", declares Jessie. "Calm down, Jess. Think of the delicious food we will have once we finish everything.... like you told us", replies James trying to assuage the fiery, villainous redhead. "Oh fine", she says as she goes to deliver some more files to the TV boss as James and Meowth move some props as she then repeats to herself, "Grrrrrrr.... free buffet. free buffet. free buffet. free buffet. free buffet. free buffet. free buffet...", and so on to put down her urges to start stealing.

"Voltorb! Use thunder attack again!", shouts Janine as Noctowl stands unable to get out of the way. "NOCTOOOWLLL! WAIT!... Use your hypnosis", says Crystal thinking up the idea on the fly. Noctowl's eyes glow red again as it gets one more chance to deal some of its acid to its opponent. The effects of the acid dealings look like they hit Voltorb just as the thunder zaps Noctowl in its immobilizing state and after a tough attempt to stay flapping, the extra chemicals in its body get the better of it and Noctowl is unable to continue. "A scintillating thunder attack has brought forth victory for Voltorb and Janine is now one victory away from coming up with another big win", shouts Kent the play-by-play announcer.

"Noctowl!", says Crystal as she crouches down to tend to Noctowl. "You put up an outstanding fight, Noctowl. You deserve a nice long rest", says Crystal as Noctowl goes back into its pokeball to sleep off the effects of the overdose. "Noctowl did much better than I thought it would do. But then again, that just shows how well the two of them work together", Justin comments about their connections which are more than meet the eye. "But Justin, Janine still has Voltorb out there and then another pokemon for Crystal to go through if she gets by Voltorb", Misty comments. Meanwhile on the other side of the battle area, Voltorb is rolling around and looks a little bit funny from Noctowl's strange form of drug dealing.

"Voltorb! Are you alright? Can you continue??", wonders Janine. "Voltorb!", says Voltorb robotically and then after repeating itself, it's starts to flash white. "Pi-kaaa!", gasps Pikachu as Crystal shouts, "Oh man!" Janine then looks absolutely astounded as Voltorb then grows in size and develops its eyebrows to become.... an Electrode! "Electrode!", says the newly evolved Electrode as Noctowl's crazy acid tripping abilities seem to have caused a new side effect. We then hear Kent the announcer describe the evolution into Electrode as shocking while Agatha notes that this is only the fifth time that a pokemon has evolved during a Kanto League battle. That being just another example of TV's over-obsession with statistics.

"What's Crystal going to do now? That Electrode is only going to be more problematic for Crystal", notes Misty. "Hmmm... I think Crystal's going to have to go with Sandshrew now. It may be the only chance that Cris has to win the battle", says Justin as we see Sandshrew getting itself focused and ready to battle. Providing more commentary for the home TV audience, Kent Mossberger says, "Right now! Janine Mara is one up on Ms. Crystal Fletching and we'll continue this battle after a word from our sponsors!", while we see through the window on the door that TR is moving a heavy television set while Wobbuffet is patiently following them. This prompts another infamous dodgy line from James. "Eeeee", he squeals as we see him struggling to lift the big TV....

"I swear this thing is gonna give me a hernia!"

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (There are at least 26 different types of species of this pokemon that can provide hours of entertainment if you can arrange them properly.)

It's Unown!! ........................ "<weird computer-like sound>"

Back at the gym, we are then updated on the situation of the battle by our announcers, Kent Mossburger and Agatha Marshall..... yes, the gayest names I could've possibly thought of, I know. But first, we see Janine and her newly evolved Electrode waiting for Crystal's next move. "Go ahead, Cris, you're still very much in this one!", yells Justin. "Yeeaahh... we're still fightin' right guys?", Crystal asks Sandshrew and Pikachu. They both respond with their determined cries as Cris-tal sends forth Sandshrew to take on Janine.

"So it looks like Crystal is sending her Sandshrew in next to take on Electrode and if he gets by Electrode, then another of Janine's pokemon. I tell you, Agatha, that Sandshrew better have a coat of armor and a telepathic link with his trainer with the gauntlet it'll have to go through", Kent tells the TV audience listening at home. "That's interesting, Kent. I got a chance to meet Crystal and Sandshrew earlier on just before the match. They have been training together for over a decade. This is an experienced duo that is going into this battle so they will certainly provide tough opposition for Janine and Electrode", explains Agatha. "All right... well we'll see what Janine can do against Sandshrew. It'll have to be creative since Electrode's electric attacks won't work here", says Kent.

Crystal starts by having Sandshrew use sand attack which Janine has Electrode roll out of the way of. "That's good... Sandshrew's got Electrode on the run", comments Justin. "Take advantage of this, Crystal. Keep Electrode moving!", Misty shouts to her partner. "If you think that all my Electrode can do with Sandshrew is run scared, then brace yourself. Electrode... sonic boom attack now!", shouts Janine. Thus, Electrode stops dodging the sand barrage from Sandshrew and deals Sandshrew a sonic boom. Sandshrew falls over as Crystal tells him to get up with Pikachu looking on in concern hoping that it didn't hit his special private area.

When Sandshrew tries to get up, he's dealt another sonic boom making Justin warn Crystal, "Crystal, you gotta stop that Electrode from using sonic boom!" "Sandshrew can take it!", replies Crystal as Justin informs her that sonic boom is a normal attack that can affect every pokemon equally no matter what type they are thus, making Cris-tal gasp. "You have to protect Sandshrew by going after that Electrode", Justin tells her. "Don't worry... I know what to do", Crystal says as Janine has Electrode attack Sandshrew with another sonic boom that's quick.... then slowly approaching Sandshrew. "Sandshrew, DEFENSE CURL!!!", shouts Crystal making Sandshrew curl up into a ball to absorb the attack better.

Crystal then has Sandshrew start to spin making Janine prepare Electrode for what looks like a rollout attack. So she has Electrode use its own rollout attack and she tells it to make sure it hits Sandshrew harder than Sandshrew hits it. Electrode then begins to roll at Sandshrew with Sandshrew still spinning in place. This makes Misty fret for Crystal and Sandshrew shouting, "Sandshrew, NOOOOO!" Crystal has a look of concentration as Electrode keeps rolling in place as it's still approaching Sandshrew until Crystal........ smirks! "Hmph... gotcha!", she says being a wise gal.

Ahhhh... tricky Cris-tal...

She has Sandshrew leap right above the attacking Electrode as Sandshrew now has a chance to attack it from above. Crystal then has Sandshrew use its patented sandstorm attack to suck up Electrode in a cyclone of sand to the shock and dismay of Janine. "What a leap!", declares Justin as Misty adds that Crystal had Sandshrew play possum and lure Electrode into attacking prematurely. "Electrode.... just hang in there!", pleads Janine as Crystal gets as bitchy as you'll ever see a drug addict this currently clean get. "Let's see electrode still hang on after this... alright Sandshrew, time to unleash your earthquake attack on Electrode!", decrees Crystal. "Saaaashrew!", shouts Sandshrew as it jumps and causes the ground to shake right at Electrode who's too caught up in the sandstorm to try and escape despite Janine's order. The earthquake strikes Electrode as the youthful looking Elvis kid announces that Electrode is out of the match and the battle goes to Sandshrew making the crowd stir with intrigue.

"What a veteran maneuver by the challenger Fletching as she lures the Electrode into attacking!", raves Kent. "And with the power, advantage, and accuracy of Sandshrew's ground attacks the rest was academic...", adds Agatha the color commentator. "Hmmm... the twerp seems to be doing quite well for herself at the moment", Jessie comments quietly as she looks through the announcer's luxury box. "EY! If you don't help us move all dese chairs en props en junk, den we won't have everyting set up in time. And dere's still tons more dat dey're making us do!", shouts Meowth angrily over to her. "I can't help you, Meowth. All those abrasive heavy items strain my delicately shaped physique and rough up my hands, WHICH I should have pointed out to you that I just recently moisturized!", arrogantly replies Jessie.

"Okay fine..... then we'll all blame you when you when everything is not set up and all the tasks we've been hired to do have not been done by the quickly impending end of the match, then there's no buffet and all of us, especially YOU, miss out on all the food!", shouts James dramatically pointing at her. "Woooooooobbbuuuhh wooooobb", shouts Wobbuffet saluting at Jessie as even it is patiently contributing. "Wha?? No.... food??", gasps Jessie getting nervous before starting to take command again like she usually does over the obviously submissive James and Meowth. She has them moving this thing there, that thing here, as well as have James going down to get a special delivery (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA, HO!) Hee hee... gutta ho!

Meanwhile, Misty and Justin are telling Cris-tal and Sandshrew to stay focused as Janine will probably bring out her strongest pokemon. "Don't worry... it's all good!", replies Crystal with Pikachu adding, "Pikaa", to look hip as it moves its chubby thighs. Janine then thinks to herself that if Crystal's going to rely on the pokemon that she has the best connection with, then its time that she do the same. She then throws out her second pokemon to battle Crystal's Sandshrew... a pokemon that she knows better than any other and vice versa and is always her clutch performer like Sandshrew is. "It's a....", starts Misty and out comes the Michael Jordan of pokemon itself, the other half of the dynamic duo, the sick with talent......

...........

...........

...........WEEZING?!!?!?????

All this wait for a pokemon this ugly?? Well it's not like all sports celebrities succeed on looks alone.... ain't dat right, Dirk Nowitzki??

"HUUUUHH?? A WEEZING?", gasp Justin and Misty. "Weeezhing!", calls out Weezing as Crystal states that Janine's choice was interesting and implores Sandshrew to keep its guard up. "And now Mara, looking for a victory turns to her veteran pokemon Weezing. They've worked together to win many battles before as they just have a special sense of what's going on with each other at all times. And that will give Weezing a chance against Sandshrew even with the type disadvantage favoring Sandshrew", illustrates Kent to enlighten us about Janine's Weezing. Apparently, she never raised it as Koffing to see the joy it brought.... and then the disappointment when it became Weezing. Agatha then adds a footnote that Weezing can beat Sandshrew especially since Sandshrew had to battle Electrode earlier.

"Oh my God, that gym leader is using a Weezing", gapes James stopping to stare in shock at the site of Janine's Weezing. "I think you should stop to watch and take notes. Maybe you can finally see how to make your Weezing useful for a change!", Jessie encourages James and thus, perhaps Weezing could be more than a useless, fugly piece of crap and maybe be as cool (for a Weezing) as Janine's gas ball and maybe...... just maybe.... it could help James devolve Weezing back into Koffing. "But Jessie, what about all the work they're making us do?", whines James while Jessie hushes him by assuring that she'll take care of it while calling back Wobbuffet to its pokeball as it salutes J & J. "James! Keep an eye out, they're starting already!", commands Jessie who then quickly zips back to her teamster work as we see Meowth trying to push a set of chairs across the room.

"Sandshrew... use sand attack!", shouts Crystal sending Sandshrew into battle the ugly Weezeth part 2. Weezing floats around each burst of sand with incredible speed for an ugly floating gasball. "Whoa", gasp Misty and Justin while James shouts to his partners, "Did you see that? There's no physical way we could get our Weezing to ever move that fast!", whining at the end. "If you weren't already informed... we're a little busy with hired hand errands here!", yells back Jessie as she and Meowth are zipping back and forth with files, boxes, props and other things to keep them busy while we see Wobbuffet eating some premature popcorn. "Wooooooobbuuh woooobb", states Wobbuffet with a mouthful of popcorn. "HEY! Those snacks are for the blue bloods, not the blue blobs!", shouts Jessie summoning back Wobbuffet.

Meanwhile, Janine has Weezing use sludge attack on Sandshrew and he jumps above the sludge and uses his fury swipes. Sandshrew throws some intense slashes at Weezing but then Weezing maneuvers its way out of every single swipe at its hideous face, a face that would get mangled even more if Sandshrew connected. "Weezing! Flamethrower now!", shouts Janine as its still sidestepping Sandshrew's fury swipes. And Weezing unleashes a powerful fire attack the brings the heat to Sandshrew as it tries to endure the fire.

"And both pokemon are unleashing punch and counterpunch on each other as Sandshrew now, tries to endure this Weezing flamethrower", announces Kent. "Being a ground and rock type, Sandshrew shouldn't have much trouble taking this attack and keep going. What it has to watch out for is getting burned. That's how a flamethrower can really damage a pokemon like Sandshrew", color commentates Agatha. "How did that Weezing ever learn flamethrower?", wonders Misty. This leads Justin, who ignores Misty's question, to tell Crystal that she has to do something before Sandshrew gets burned as Pikachu says, "Pi-pikaa", in concern for its boo. "Sandshrew, sandstorm attack, now!", declares Crystal and Sandshrew backs up and then unleashes another wave of sand at Weezing. "Weezing.... clear it away with haze!", declares Janine. And thus Weezing emits a different type of a more clear gas than clears the air of the sand once it's used making the crowd buzz again.

"A haze attack?", questions Justin. This time, Misty answers Justin for a change as Misty states that she thinks that a haze attack negates any special handicaps that are currently on the field like extra speed or elusiveness from moves like double team. It can even work on sandstorm." "Oh no!", reacts Justin as we see Crystal, too peaceful and beatnik-like to growl like that neanderthal Ash, just takes a deep audible breath and has Sandshrew try a rock slide attack. The magically appearing rocks tumble down onto Weezing who struggles a little more this time to float by and dodge each one. But the sweatdrop next to the ugly one points out to us and to Crystal that it's on the run. So Crystal shouts that to Sandshrew and then instructs him to use take down which slams Weezing hard to the surface getting the attention of the audience, Justin, Misty, Kent and Agatha the TV commentators, as well as the blue-haired wonder himself, James.

"And Sandshrew fights back from Weezing's pressure with a thunderous take down attack!", shouts Kent sounding like an annoying play-by-play guy instead of someone you actually want to hear on TV. "Tremendous velocity by Sandshrew gaining momentum as he heads straight for Janine's Weezing. Great move! Weezing will have to pull out all the stops to beat Sandshrew now", adds Agatha. And pull out the big stops Janine does, for Miss Mara has Weezing go ahead and use its hyper beam on Sandshrew. Weezing then charges up its hyper beam to the concern of the threesome and Pikachu. "Sandshrew, look out!", yells Cris-tal but apparently not loud enough, for Weezing unleashes its hyper beam which Sandshrew for once can't avoid leaving it bruised. "Aaaahhhh!", shouts Crystal as Misty and Justin shout, "SANDSHREW!". "PIKAAAHH!", adds Pikachu.

"UNBELIEVABLE! How could I not think of stealing the guide for teaching that move to my Weezing?", gasps a startled James. A pertinent question, indeed, but keep in mind... with all the fashion faux pas that he's had to endure, and colors to coordinate, and dreamy guys like Justin, Butch, Brock, and Tracey to think of... I now ask you readers and dodgers this..... with all that beauty on James's colorful mind, who the hell would ever want to think about Weezing?!?! Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Jessie is delivering some food ingredients to the chef of the buffet that TR is working so hard for. "Oh thank you... now I can make da gelatin dessert", thanks the German-accented chef as Jessie spots a bowlful of strawberries. Calm down, gentle horny readers! "A-haaa! These strawberries look absolutely delectable. Uhh say, you wouldn't mind if I sampled a strawberry or ten, would you?" "NO TOUCH! For the party-goers only!", responds the chef as we see James in the background through the door watching the battle. Jessie then complains that she is a party-goer which prompts the German chef to reply, "So what? You tink you kould be taste tester?", sounding snotty.

"Ha! When I'm the taste taster, chefs should prepare for trouble" Jessie then waits as then...... silence! James is focusing on the battle and thus, Jessie has to clear her throat loudly and repeat more clearly, "Ahem!.... prepare for troubllllllee..... Jaaaames!"
"Whatever she said, make it double", replies James from the next room as we can't even see him making Jessie give him a dumb look as he's not even watching. She then resumes...
"To select the juiciest strawberries!", and then a long pause before James shouts back from the observation box.
"Uhh... to unite all peoples with uhh... vodka and cranberry.." (!!!!!)
"To enjoy a tasty preview before the main course", another brief pause.
"Jessie sounds like she could currently eat a horse..."
"Jessie"
"...James"
"Team Rocket is never in excess of food"
"Uhhh... so surrender now or prepare to fight", finishes James making Jessie yell at him since she claims that was a cop out.
Meowth then enters the battle room sweeping it with a Meowth sized broom and after catching the last part of the motto questions, "Duuuhh... did I miss sometin?", making Jessie fall over. Meowth then finishes with some PUN-ishment, "Ah well... all I know is, dat if I see a cop, I'm out!"

"That is enough! Leave me alone so I, Rolf, can prepare gourmet for later!", stammers Rolf (WTF is he? a muppet??) chasing Jessie out of the kitchen. "Ohhhh... we're going to die of exhaustion before we can get an appetite!", complains Jessie looking annoyed for the camera. The boss guy then announces to them that they've got another table for them to bring up and wishes that they help bring it up. "We'll be right there!", declares James who seems more eager than an employee usually would to get down to their boss. But then again, the boss is ruggedly attractive so the three of them make their way downstairs.

"Sandshrew, can you get up?", asks Crystal and after a brief struggle through the pain, Sandshrew does in fact get up surviving the hyper beam. "An explosive hyper beam used by Janine's Weezing finds its target with deadly aim. But this Sandshrew's got some serious spunk, ladies and gentlemen. We'll see what the challenger does to fight back", says Kent. "Alright Sandshrew, we may be down to our last gasp so we have to hit this one strong and hit it hard", declares Crystal who knows how to hit certain things hard and strong, "Use earthquake attack!" "Saaaaan shrew shrew!", declares Sandshrew as it then leaps up into the air to send a burst of energy through the ground at Weezing. "Weezing, dodge it! Hurry!", pleads Janine. But unlike it's happier, unevolved counterpart. Weezing, like all others like it, fails in front of everyone with everything on the line taking the punishment from the earthquake attack making Crystal cheer. "Way to go, Sandshrew!", compliments Justin with Misty adding, "Yeah... that's how you battle!"

"And Weezing has taken a devastating blow from that earthquake attack! And with the added effects of the ground attack against the poison type Weezing, it could spell the end for Weezing and its trainer, Janine Mara. But they don't quit easily, let's see if they can continue", says Kent. "Hooohh... I feel that young lady's pain... except I've felt it literally", quips James. We see Weezing uglifying its face even more to try and stay.... uhhh.... floating. "Keep your guard up, Sandshrew!", Crystal tells her sandy rodent as the thousands in the audience, Misty and Justin, and James all look on in suspicion. "Weeezzhhhhhh.... wweeeezzzzzzhhhiing", groans Janine's Weezing in pain trying to break the cycle and not be a failure, but alas, this Weezing falls prey to the ugliness and uselessness of all the other hideous abominations of a pokemon and falls to the ground after a long painful battle with Cris-tal's Sandshrew. "Weezing is out of the match... the winner is Sandshrew. And the winner of this Kanto League pokemon gym battle is the challenger, Crystal Fletching from Viridian City!", announces the Elvis ref.

"There you have it folks, Crystal, the challenger, and her pokemon has defeated the gym leader, Janine Mara 2-1, and now she's won a Kanto League soul badge. And you hear the crowd's reaction", shouts Kent alluding to the cheers from the hundreds in attendance. "The fans certainly know.... I think we may have a contender here in the Kanto League", declares Agatha. "Way to go, Cris!", shouts Justin shouting joy. "Great job to Sandshrew and Noctowl for putting up a tough fight!", adds Misty. "Not to mention Janine and her pokemon", Justin says back to the mulleted red head. "Nice job, Sandshrew", Crystal congratulates Sandshrew.... but Sandshrew just walks right by Cris-tal to greet his main pokemon partner Pikachu. "Pikachuuu", responds Pikachu in joy looking joyed and somewhat turned on by watching Sandshrew battle.

"Ahhhh.... Sandshrew beat that good Weezing!! How will we ever catch them with the inferior pokemon that Team Rocket has?", wonders James. "Hey James, now that the match is over, it's time for you to help out", shouts Jessie shouting while groaning with the weight of the table she's moving from one area of the hall to the other. "Yeah... or else we'll get shut out.... uh da food!", adds Meowth sternly. "Wooooooooobbuuuuhhffet!", finishes Wobbuffet saluting the camera. "Hey you guys, I need the files of the final battle from the TV records!", shouts the teamster boss up to TR. "COMING!", TR shouts zipping off in different directions to work their tight asses off.

On the battle floor, Cris-tal is laughing it up with Pikachu and Sandshrew as Justin tells 'Cris' that someone wants to speak with her. "Huh?", replies Crystal sounding like a clueless mental cripple as it turns out to be Agatha that wants to talk to her, "Oh hey!" "Crystal Fletching, you and your Sandshrew worked together brilliantly today to win an important battle. How did you do it?", Agatha the interviewer asks. "Well, we were able to come through because we had trust in each other even in front of millions of people. I guess you could kinda say it's like that old cliché... 'there's no business like shrew business'", Crystal quips making everyone laugh. "Pikaaa!", adds Pikachu who's too camera-friendly to care that it thinks its getting ignored. But Crystal doesn't ignore the yellow rodent adding, ".... or 'chu business!" "Saaaanshrew shrew!", concludes Sandshrew giving the electric mouse its props.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon most closely resembles those torch slugs from the classing, Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time.)

It's Slugma!! ............................ "Slug-maaa!"

At the center of the battle area, Janine thanks and congratulates Crystal claiming that she and her pokemon work with each other extremely well and have what it takes to challenge the very best. She then hands her the golden heart that is the Kanto League soul badge. "Thanks Janine!", thanks Crystal, "Whew man, I've been waiting awhile for this one! We got the soul badge!", declares Cris-tal holding it up for the camera along with Pikachu and Sandshrew. This triggers a standing ovation from the Fuchsia Gym fans in attendance. And thus, Crystal survives the stage fright of battling before millions of people on television all around the world as well former Elite Four battlers, moderately famous TV personalities, and Teamsters Rocket.

Later that night amidst a bevy of technical television employees, TR is living the good life... ignoring the rest of the co-workers and gorging themselves on all the delicious food right off the buffet line. Even Wobbuffet is guzzling down a bowlful of punch. "That work was so brutal.... but it actually paid off for us, this time!", says James grabbing breasts.... !!! .... of chicken that is. "You said it, Jimmy-boy", replies Meowth. "Wobbuh wooooobbb! Wooobbuuuhhffeeeet!", chimes in Wobbuffet in between drinking the punch out of the bowl. "That's right... and we're living it up with the true television geniuses, the ones that make TV stars like me and that, Kent Bossbugger look beautiful and entertaining every afternoon", says Jessie in a line that a writer gives Jessie to credit himself/herself along with Jessie's animators. "It's a good ting we don't woik dat hard at stealin' very much...", states Meowth. "Hmmm, maybe we should try that?", suggests James. "Ey look, dey're bringin' out da dwinks and dessoit!", points out Meowth as he points his paw towards the orange glasses of liquid that resemble liquor in anime. "Woooooobbbuuhhffet", says Wobbuffet saluting the caterer bringing the food out as TR shouts, "Oh boy!" We then see the building where all the intense action and dodgyness took place while we hear TR enjoying their food. "Save some strawberries for meeee...", pleads Jessie as a bunch of strawberries are about to become very very lucky. Ohhhh yes!