Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 63

PICTURE IMPERFECT

Have you ever wondered what those Japs were thinking when they designed the image for the pokemon Diglett and Dugtrio??

Well they probably weren't thinking which is why we, up until this date, have only seen the top half of these pokemon. They probably spent the entire night before at Wasabe Bobby's Karaoke Bar in suburban Tokyo spending the next day f*cking up the next round of Pokemon images. Now in the past, there's been entries and contests to determine what the entire body of Diglett looks like, but no two dodgers or fans have been able to come up with a definite image of the full Diglett. But have no fear, what the makers and dodgers started, we will finish.... with a revealing of Diglett's and Dugtrio's full form, Pokemon Cris-tal style! It takes the reappearance of a Pokemopolis menace to capture the images forever, but that menace will, as required by demands, meet his own fate by story's end. So with that, on with the story.

After Pikachu's impressive showing in its first ever Pikachu invitational, the threesome now sets their sights on leaving the Safari Zone and going to the next Kanto League Gym for badge #6 for Cris. Ahh.... but the little chickenheads aren't quite sure which way to go next as we see them on a field near a cavern opening under cloudy skies.

"Any idea on where we should go next for my next gym battle?", asks Crystal to Misty. "Well, geographically, the next nearest gym is on Cinnabar Island with its exotic destinations, beach accommodations, and a fair share of water pokemon", says Misty wishfully as we see a mirage of the sunny, tropical island behind her, "But, if we take this Diglett cave which I believe is right here behind us, we'll end up right in Pewter City." Crystal then suddenly realizes, "Heeeeey, that's where Brock lives!" "PI-Kaaaaah", adds Pikachu realizing that hey, it knows a guy named Brock, and he's quite horny, too. And it seems like if seeing familiar people and mooching off them for stuff outdoes the equivalent of a tropical vacation. "Is this really the Diglett Cave?", wonders Justin. "It is according to this map, something that I... have a much better understanding of", replies Misty sticking Justin's lack of geographical skills to him. "Well how long should it take?", wonders Crystal and Misty figures that they should get through it before night falls. "Cool.... then let's head into the cave everyone!", declares Crystal as Sandshrew calls out to lead the way. Yes boys and girls..... all this in essence means.....

THE THREESOME IS HEADING TO SEE BROCK! OUR OWN SQUINTY, TANNED BREEDER GUY IS COMING BACK SOON!

That's the joy..... here comes the horror...

So Sandshrew and the others approach the Diglett Cave's opening as Sandshrew senses something not right within the walls of the cave passage. "What's going on, Sandshrew?", asks Crystal as Pikachu races to be by its love's side with the apparent evil that seems to loom inside. "Shrew shrew... saaaaaaashrew!", shouts Sandshrew as Crystal wonders if Sandshrew senses something unusual. "It is unusually dark in there. For a cavern this useful, they'd normally have lights", comments Justin as we hear some kind of screaming coming from inside the cavern. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!", we hear ever so faintly as another sound of "I-YAAAAAAAHHH!", seems to be coming from inside the cave as a bright light flases from inside. "Do you think those could be people in trouble?", wonders Misty. "Yeah, but how can we do anything if we don't know what the problem is. We may be rushing right into trouble", Crystal says.

Actually, the opposite is more correct as trouble is rushing into them as a whole load of trouble comes rushing into them as a rather tall, scrawny kid comes rushing out of the cavern running for his life as his camera swings..... wait a minute.... OH GOD NO!!!

IT'S TODD!!!

Audience: ***looks rather puzzled***

YOU KNOW....... SNAP?!

Audience: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Yes, so the annoying little shutterbug has returned and has given the threesome quite a surprise by racing out of the cave with exploding speed running away from something. "Aaaahh!", gasps Crystal looking quite disturbed at the sight of this...... this Snap.... as Justin asks Misty, "Hey, is that who I think it is?" "I don't believe it.....", comments Misty as the two of them gasp, "It's Todd!" "Pikachuuu", gasps Pikachu shocked to see the photography nerd.

 

<cue intro>

 

So naturally, Crystal tries to assure that Snap is actually okay and that his awful haircut isn't a toupee.... as well as who in the blue hell he is. "Ouch! Thank you for helping to take care of my sores and bruises", thanks Todd as he continues to smart from the pain of being a dumbass, "My name's Todd!" Crystal introduces herself as she tells him to hold still as she nurses him, it's certainly no Tomas but at least she'll not have to turn to Justin or Misty to cop a feel of someone. Justin and Misty then reintroduce themselves to the camera dork. Note: Not sure how Justin know Todd, but they keep things simple and not say much about it. "It's great to see you guys again, how's Ash doing?", asks Todd.

Misty tells him that Ash is recovering from a bus accident adding that it's tough but that he's going to make a full recovery pretty soon. "In the meantime, we've joined Crystal on her journey in the Kanto League after she met Ash recovering in the hospital. We're on our way to the Pewter City Gym through this Diglett Cave when you came running out", Justin adds. Crystal then tells him that she's getting a chance to live out her dream of being a pokemon trainer with Ash's pokemon while he recovers adding that she's already won 5 Kanto League badges and is just three away from an opportunity to challenge the Kanto League champion. "Pikaaaah", says Pikachu as Crystal puts the finishing touches on the injuries that Slap..... uh, er... Snap accumulated in the cave.

"Great! You did an excellent job, I feel better already", says Snappy Snap Snap. "It shouldn't be a surprise, Todd. In addition to being an excellent trainer, Crystal is also a volunteer junior nurse. You don't know how many times she's taken care of us and all our pokemon", Justin tells Todd.

You have no idea how much they 'care' for each other picture boy...

"I can see, she's about as good as my mom who's also a paramedic", Todd says. "Yeah... and I guess you're a photographer", Crystal guesses from the big clunky camera around his noodle neck. "Indeed", boasts Todd as he starts to ramble on about being the world's greatest pokemon photographer and junk bragging about how he was able to take pictures of very rare pokemon like the Aerodactyl that almost ate Ash alive as well as Articuno during that trilogy. So that leads to Misty asking, "So have you taken a lot more great pictures, Todd?" "I sure have", he replies.

Ohhhhhhhh NO! HEEEEEEERE WE GO WITH ALL THE F*CKIN' PICTURES AGAIN.

So he opens his little flipbook and.... ooooooh, there's a couple of Sentrets. Look at how pretty they are... and how much their colors stand out.

PLEASE!!

And oh my, on this page is a bunch of shots of some Growlithes and Arcanine as they're sitting pretty for the camera.

OOOOOOOHH!!

On the next page, Snap shows off his special new pictures of the rare Cleffa and Clefairy as they smile and wave their fingers for the camera. He claims that he's never caught a picture of any of the Clefairy types until them.

OH BOY! WHAT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT! <sarcasm>

And of course, the threesome compliment Todd on how great his pictures and the pokemon look. Plus, of course he brags about how he was the only person in the world who (cares about) the first ever photos of Aerodactyl and Articuno that most fans of the show are already aware of. Crystal then asks him if he was in the Diglett Cave to get some pictures of Digletts. He replies, "Exactly, I was looking to get some more photos of Digletts as well as maybe some Dugtrios."

.................

.................

................. MY OH MY... But I guess they'd make perfect thumbnails for www.diglettsin.com

He continues, "But when I entered the cavern, I noticed that the lights were all out so I had to rely on my camera flash to find the way through. However, these mysterious flying pokemon have entered this cave and since I couldn't see anything, I was left vulnerable to get assaulted by whatever was flying around in there." "You sure it was a flying pokemon?", asks Cris-tal and Todd tells her that what he could tell through his camera, it was some kind of quick, flying pokemon going throughout the caves and that there were many of them. ...It's like the little f*cker is blind and has to see through that damn camera. "Were you able to capture them on film?", asks Justin and Todd replies that the shots of them are on the film so that it would take a while to get developed. "Well we have to get through this cave here, so what are we going to do", wonders Misty. Crystal replies that they're just going to have to take it slow and be careful.

"But I'm also worried about the Digletts that are in the cave. They're also subject to the attack of those intruding pokemon. Who knows what kind of trouble they might be in", worries Todd. Boy, he taking an usually big interest in Digletts for a young lad. "Well we'll have to help them somehow. You ready Sandshrew? Pikachu?", asks Crystal and the two of them seem ready for these challenges: the challenge of dealing with these Diglett attackers and the challenge of having to hang around with Snap for another episode. "Then let's go in and check it out", declares Crystal. But Todd is quick and annoying enough to point out that the cave is totally dark and that they need a way to see inside the cavern. Justin also tells them that Todd is right and that they don't have a flashlight with them. "Hmmm... hey wait, I have something better than a flashlight. I choose you, Cyndaquil", Crystal states before throwing out the squealy fire pokemon.

"Cyndaquil!", squeals Cyndaquil as Cris-tal tells it that they're going to need him to lead the way through the cave and she also warns the infantile little squealy thing to be careful since there are those pokemon that are probably thousands of times more intimidating looking than Cyndaquil... that would be the Digletts with those cute little noses. "Cyndaquil cynda cyndaaaa", responds Cyndaquil in a silly attempt to psych itself up and take on all the other much more mature looking pokemon on its own. So as they go in, Justin warns them that they'll all have to proceed slowly and carefully so as not to disturb whatever Digletts and other pokemon that are in there.

As they proceed through the cave, a couple of Digletts and a (set of??) Dugtrio pop out of their holes with no sign of any disturbances as of yet. At least no disturbances they haven't already encountered, for Todd sees the Digletts and Dugtrio and immediately wants a picture of them. So the little dumbass raises up his camera to get the perfect shot of the Dugtrio when Crystal tells him to hang on. She argues that if his flash goes off, then it may make the monster in here get angry and you'll have a repeat of running for your life out of the cave, only this time they'd be joining him. "You're right... it's just so hard to turn down a perfect picture like that, though", replies Snapuhlapagus. "Don't worry, when we figure out how to deal with the monster, there will be all kinds of Diglett pictures for you to take", Misty tells him.

Hmm.... Misty inviting Snap to take Diglett pictures?.... I just don't have the stomach to go there today.

Crystal then asks Sandshrew if it sees anything up ahead in the dark as it's walking next to Pikachu, of course, and behind Cyndaquil the camplight. "Shrew shrrrreew", replies Sandshrew without much excitement signifying nothing special yet. "That's a really cool looking Sandshrew you have there, Crystal", compliments Snap like a loser. "Sandshrew and I have been partners almost as long as I can remember", Crystal reminisces as we see flashback images of baby Crystal with pigtales in baby Magby pajamas playing with blocks next to baby Sandshrew. And there's also young Crystal with her red lunchbox and Sandshrew next to her going into a schoolhouse as she continues her anecdote, "Sandshrew and I first were together when I was just two and we've basically been everywhere together. He's even been helpful getting through school and also helped me out when I was working at the hospital." Basically, they've been blazin' together for a long time.... "That's great", responds Snap as Crystal also adds, "And Sandshrew has excellent vision in the dark since they're usually found in underground tunnels. So while Cyndaquil's firelight helps us see through this cave, Sandshrew can help us see what's ahead."

"That's great", says Snap.... again... and again.... he asks for a picture of the threesome's pokemon team once they get through the tunnel if that's okay with her. "That would be wonderful, Todd!", replies Crystal gladly eager to have a 'group photo' of their team. "Shh... we've got to keep it down so we don't scare or wake up any of the pokemon here", Misty says shushing the crackhead and the photo dork, "And speaking of light, there used to be lights already in here to help travelers through the tunnel, do you know what happened to them, Todd?" Dumb ol' Snap says that he isn't sure but thinks that whatever invading pokemon has come in here probably either broke them all or cut off the power supply. "Well whatever this thing is in here, it must be pretty dangerous", Justin says.

At this moment, Pikachu walks over a pile of rocks when one gives way under the furry rodents round belly making it shout, "Pika PIIII!" "Pikachu! Are you okay?", worries Crystal as Sandshrew beckons its concern as well as he and Cyndaquil stick their noses into the circle of rocks where Pikachu lies dazed after the fall. "Pika piiiikaachuuu", mutters Pikachu as Pikachu's little accident seems to have triggered the menace... or menaces of the Diglett cave. The twerps all gasp as they a bunch of Gligars come up on them shouting, "Gligaaaaaaar", forming what looks like a backyard or backalley gang. "Whoa... check out those Gligars! I've got to get a picture of them", shouts Snap. "Ummm... I don't think they've come here to celebrate. In fact, I think they're those menaces that have been plaguing this cave", Misty realizes. "And they were probably making that sound just as they were chasing you out, Todd!", adds Justin. "So they're Gligars!", declares Crystal as the Gligars continue to hold up on attack until the dialogue finishes and Crystal takes out Dexter for monotonous information.

Gligar - the flyscorpio pokemon - Gligar usually, clings to cliffs. When Gligar spots its, prey, it spreads its, wings and glides down, to attack.

Thus, Dexter puts things in perspective as the twerps and Snap have become...... their prey. "We gotta do something or else they're going to prey on us!", declares Misty as the Gligar on the left swoops down on Todd, most likely trying to destroy his silly camera as the pink fly scorpio thing can't stand this loser showing off his camera and pictures anymore. "Daaaahh.... that thing almost got my camera", he shouts deliriously as if this were a real life nightmare for him and he therefore HUGS HIS CHERISHED CAMERA. Gasping in shock of the attack, Misty then faces the Gligar and shouts, "Go Wooper!", sending out her rescue victim Wooper. "Woopaaaahh!", shouts Wooper sounding very refreshed not to be trapped under a 1000 ton boulder anymore but the feeling quickly goes away after it comes under attack from the rabid pack of Gligars.

Wooper is able to repeal one Gligar with its bubble attack but then reinforcements come in to take care of its comrade and Wooper as well making Misty gasp. "It's no use, Misty, there are just too many Gligars for your little Wooper to handle", Justin tells her. Thus, Misty says, "Wooper return!", just as a round of poison stingers brush by the bunch of them. Crystal realizes that the numbers of Gligar are just too much in this cramped space even against their impressive roster so she decides that they'd better retreat for now and does so with the assistance of Cyndaquil's smokescreen. And thus, they proceed to dash away from the Gligar ambush when Todd/Snap (print this out and circle your choice) decides to make an ass out of himself again.

Todd/Snap then stutters as he's running backwards, "If I can just... get.... my camera... to go to StillPhoto, I can get... a shot of that one... Gligar bouncing through the... cavern like a... superball." So as he's dashing backwards with his camera fixed on the Gligar coming at them above the smoke, he doesn't see the loose pile of rocks that were smashed off the cavern walls and the artificial color sniffing kid lands seated on his ass as a dead duck for the mad pink bat thing. "Todd!!", gasps Crystal as Gligar aims for Todd's silly moptopped head and more importantly, his precious camera. But Cris-tal and Pikachu save the day as Pikachu flies in to zap Gligar to allow Todd time to escape with his camera (there's always a next time....), but unfortunately, the attack itself doesn't really hurt Gligar which is part flying/part ground type (sure it is, you creative Japanese bastards!) and Gligar clips Pikachu with its wings right back into Crystal who catches Pikachu coming at her all of a sudden.

Crystal gasps, "What happened? That didn't even hurt Gligar!" And thus, Justin explains Gligars ground type characteristics and Crystal is puzzled as to how a flying pokemon can also be something from the earth. "There's the exit... let's move it!", commands Misty as she, Cris-tal, Justin, Snap, Pikachu & Sandshrew, and Cyndaquil all get out of the cave safely as they breathe, sigh, and pant in relief. "Man... I can't believe the numbers of Gligars in there. There must be at least a couple dozen of them", Justin comments. "But where did they come from and why aren't the resident Digletts and Dugtrios fighting back", ponders Crystal. So as the twerps sit around looking for answers for what the hell just happens, it gives our own Team Rocket the perfect opportunity to giggle it up and make their long awaited first appearance of the day.

"Hmmmm... it looks like the twerps have been booted from that blackened bungalow", snickers Jessie with a sadistic passion to see Cris-tal suffer. "Daaaa-uhhh... what did da twoips bungle?", replies Meowth who seems to have his head in his ass (not literally) though his head looks like its sandwiches between the tight asses of Jessie and James (literally). "I think they failed to cross through the Diglett Cave, that's what it looks like to me. It also seems much darker than usual in there", James tells Meowth. "And from what I'm hearing, they're also talking about a flock of Gligars being in there. Combined with the extra absence of light, this gives us a perfect opportunity for a major pokemon profiting haul!", schemes Jessie as Wobbuffet comes out with a faithful salute for Jessie sayin, "Wooooobbuuh wooobbuuuhhffeeet." "I said absence of light, not absence of mind....", replies Jessie making Wobbuffet hold its head proclaiming, "Wobbuuhh woooooob!"

"Umm, that's very nice and everything, except... isn't that... that camera dork along with them", James points out seeing Snap. "Heeeeeyy... I think it is. But it's just another twerp, so what? It's not like he can hurt us with his stupid oversized camera", says Jessie who then forgets about Todd (like you'd want to, also) and resumes, "Now... about this profitable pokemon opportunity..." "I can see it now! while dose twoips is all winded, we snatch Sandshrew and Pikachu, and den run off into da cave aftuh da Digletts, Dugtrios, and da Gligars", Meowth then schemes until Jessie refutes the scratch cat claiming to have an even better idea. "Are you sure it's going to be a better idea?", James asks as Wobbuffet calmly sighs, "Woooooobb." "OF COURSE IT IS!!", snaps Jessie who then explains, "Those twerps are obviously going to try to get in there and go through the tunnel again. So when the twerps head in there, there's going to be a major battle that ensues in there and it's likely to wear out all their pokemon. Thus, just before all those Gligars wear them out, we'll save the day and snatch all those Gligars. And just when it looks like we're going to leave the twerps with an opening, we'll get their pokemon, too! And we can also leave them trapped in there giving us the clean getaway."

"Ahh.... so it's like there will be light at the end of the tunnel", ahh's James. "I gotta admit, normally my genius plans ain't outdone, but dere is a possibility Jess, dat you might of outdone it. 'En not only dat, wit' da twoips waitin' around to make dere plans, it'll give us da times tuh eat dese stolen Subway sandwiches. "Indeed", says James as he begins to indulge on the turkey club with lox, lettuce, tomato, and vinaigrette dressing that he asks for from Jessie as they begin to bite into their subs. "Woooooooooobbuuuhhffet", adds Wobbuffet as he devours his own sub next to Jessie pushing the sandwich down her throat....

Ahhh..... oh man.... I need a cigarette...... and a commercial break......

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (The short size of its legs compared to the huge size of this green monster's belly is absurd.)

It's Politoed........................................... "Poli-toed!"

 

Whew man.... now that I've caught my breath, I'm ready to move on to the twerps talking about those Gligars and I'm ready to endure writing about Snap. "Maaan.... I just can't figure out what would make those Gligars inhabit and take over the Diglett Cave", says Crystal who obviously is took this break to get high again. "You know, before I entered the Diglett Cave from its Pewter City entrance, I noticed a huge new neighborhood development just a few miles outside the cavern entrance. As I recall, I believe that there was a very dark forest where the development is now. I was going to head into the forest to take some pictures of the pokemon in there until I saw that they decimated it for all those palatial houses they're currently building. I even think my cousin is moving into one of those houses.... but anyway, my guess is that the Gligar that used to live in that dark forest moved into the Diglett Cave because of the darkness", explains Todd.

So it's those developers that have struck again! Yes, those major fund contributors of political campaigns, especially at the local government level, seem to have made the elected officials that they helped to get into office allow them to build houses and go willy-nilly all over the area of the lawmakers'.... and apparently, developers' jurisdiction. In other words, those bastard developers.... just like we all blame all the problems of the world on, right?

Thus, Justin sighs and says, "When will people learn that the delicate balance between humans and pokemon is vital." "I agree... I know people need places to live, but they shouldn't be blindly destroying the resources of our planet in order to make a living for others and a profit for themselves", sums up Crystal trying to hone in on her political skills for a run at office in the coming years. Misty agrees but wonders what they should do about the Gligars in the cave now and where they should go. "We have to find a place for them that they can feel comfortable living in that won't get destroyed. If they stay in that cave, it will have an adverse effect on those Digletts and Dugtrios. And they won't be able to defend themselves very well since Gligars can fly and Digletts are stuck to the surface", Crystal says. "Saaaanshrew", agrees Sandshrew as Justin believe that first, they have to subdue the Gligars so they can't hut us anymore.

"But how can we do that, their numbers far outnumber ours", Misty says. "Well we're just going to have to use as much of our advantages as possible. Pikachu's electric attacks won't do much good, nor will the ground attacks of Sandshrew or the fire attacks of Cyndaquil", Crystal states. "Pika pika", says Pikachu with Sandshrew adding, "Shrew shrew", and Cyndaquil adding, "Cyndaquil." Crystal then resumes, "However, Gligars can be susceptible to water type attacks like Wooper's bubble attack. Except I don't think your Wooper has enough experience yet to take on a situation like that." "Then I think a job like this calls for Staryu. Go Staryu!", replies Misty as Staryu comes out with its catch cry of, "HYAA!" Crystal then adds that of course, "And I'm sure I'm also gonna need Totodile.... come on out, Totodile!" And the wily little gator hops out of its pokeball with maddening intensity as it dances around saying, "Totodile... totototototodiiii!"

Crystal tells Totodile that they're going to take a trip into the cave and that they need his help. Totodile responds with the usual crazy reasonless joy it usually has as it bounces up and down. But then Snap informs them that while Staryu and Totodile should provide a lot of help, they will still be far outnumbered by the Gligars in the cave. "Todd's right, Cris, I think we're to have to find a way to get the Digletts and Dugtrios to help us. Still, I'm not sure what they can do against those flying Gligars", Justin says. Crystal responds, "Hmm... I'm sure there is a way that they can help us, but for now, we have to go in there and just find a way to convince them to help us get through and stop those Gligars." "Saaashrew!", proclaims Sandshrew to imply that they should just get the hell in there already and move on with the story.

So the twerps along with incredibly twerpier Todd proceed with caution into the Diglett Cave. As the brave Cyndaquil, Totodile, Sandshrew, Pikachu, and Staryu lead the way, their pussy trainers and Todd follow behind them. Then a bunch of Digletts and Dugtrios race past the twerps and go behind them. Misty points them out and Justin assesses that they're running away from some Gligars Gone Wild in the cave ahead. "They don't look like they're up for much of a fight...", comments Todd pointlessly as he then decrees to Cris-tal (because he's being such an arrogant jerkoff) that he doesn't think that she can convince them into doing anything to help themselves. "Hmmm", hmms Crystal when she tells the Dig-trio pokemon things, "Have you guys been attacked by Gligars?" "Diglett dig diglett dig diglett diglett", responds the one Diglett. "Trio trio", adds a Dugtrio.

Crystal then asks them if they tried to attack with Sandshrew and Pikachu coming up beside her and they imply to her that they did. Then she figures that their attacks didn't work and the Digletts and Dugtrios concur. "Well there ain't no way y'guys can just quit. You gotta find a way to defend yourselves against those intruders. I know the odds are against you and all, but we here to help you out. And together with your other neighbors and colleagues, you can beat those Gligars and peace will return to the cave again... y'guys understand?", questions Crystal playing the role of warmonger. After a brief pause to take in the fact that these Digletts have never seen anyone more stoned in their lives, they agree to follow the orders of Crystal and help her out. But before they can proceed, that little bitch Todd tells them that he's been trying to get a picture of them all day but hasn't been able to and asks them if he can snap their picture and the Digletts and Dugtrios happily bunch up together thinking that they'll get some of Todd's extra copies as he tells the threesome of the bullshit excuse that he's been waiting to take the pictures of Digletts in their own setting adding the very disturbing line that, "It makes him feel inspired..."

Yeah... pictures of Digletts in their private habitat do inspire you, don't they ya loser??

So as they plunge further into the depths of the narrow cave, when Totodile, who's hopping along next to the guidelight Cyndaquil, stops his hopping and with a call of, "Toto... totodile?", senses the eeeevil presence of the menacing Gligars up ahead and then points out for the twerps shouting, "Totototodile dile dile!!!", prancing around to get their attention. They see one Gligar hanging upside down and another couple of them coming into the firelight area of Cyndaquil. "There they are", points out Crystal as the other Digletts shy away. "Gligaaaaaaarr!", shouts the leading Gligar whom calls for another wave of Gligars who are all giving out war cries. "They're all in attack stances", points out Justin as Crystal tells her pokemon to get ready as none of them are eager to back down even though Cyndaquil looks like it maybe should.

When one starts to lunge for the twerps, or more likely Snap's camera, Misty defends them shouting, "Staryu! Water gun, let's go!" "Hya!", snaps Staryu who picks off the Gligar with its water gun as Todd proclaims that it's working. The Gligars then start to flap around and a couple of those that flap their four wings towards Cris-tal are stopped by an insanely powerful Totodile water gun. They start to pick at everybody including Justin who backs up as the Gligars get increasingly, uncomfortably close to him.... especially his 'delicate' area that he seems to be guarding with his hands if you know what I mean. "I don't know how much longer we can hold them off ourselves... we gotta do something, Cris", Justin advises her. "Everybody back off", responds Crystal as she has Cyndaquil use smokescreen just like it did before. The rest of the twerps then back off as the smoke envelopes all the Gligars. With the twerps and pokemon out of the smoke, Crystal then has Totodile use its hydro pump attack which then washes out most of the attacking Gligars with water power that makes its insanely powerful water gun look like a sprinkler. Just where the hell does Totodile store all that extra water... I mean, it's only, like, yee big.

Crystal compliments Totodile and the twerps seem to be winning until dozens more reinforcements come in to oppose the twerps being outraged to be traveling with Todd. "Oh no, they've got many many more of their friends involved now...", sighs Misty. "Aaaaand they don't look very happy that we're attacking them...", Justin realizes. "Gligaaar... gligaaaaar", all the Gligar cry as they go to war with the twerps, their pokemon, and Todd. But they get cut off as a giant net encompasses all of them to the surprise of Crystal. "Huuuh?", gasps Crystal along with her pokemon who also gasp as she wonders, "Now what's going on?!" "Mwahahahahahahahahaaaaa!", laughs our villainous heroes proud of saving the twerps............ once again!

"Prepare for trouble, we're trying a new flavor", says Jessie with an oversized lollipop in her right hand.
"We're keeping it evil while doing you a favor", adds James with a lolly of his own....... come on, now, no giggling!!!
"To protect the world from devastation", Jessie takes a lick of the lolly (EAAAASY BIG FELLA!)
"To unite all peoples within our nation", James does likewise. (EAAAASY BIG FELLA!..... OH WAIT A SEC... HUH?)
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above"
"Jessie", Jessie bites into the lollipop then.
"James", James bites into his lollipop.... yet another candy stick that James has sunk his teeth into"
"Tmm Rkt blst ff utta spid of lute", says Jessie with her mouth filled with candy.
"Surrndrr new o prprrr to foot", adds James with his candy stuffed mouth.
Meowth then leaps up with his entire lollipop trapped in his mouth with him unable to bite in. In fact, the big lollipop covers his whole mouth so we can hear him finish with 'Meeeeowth, that's right'.

"Team Rocket!!", shouts the twerps for no reason as they usually do as James pries the lollipop out of Meowth's jaw. "'Ey! I tink next time, ya oughtta get smalluh lollipops fuh our gig!", complains Meowth. "QUIET!", silences Jessie as Crystal demands what they plan to do this time. "What does it look like we're doing, twerp? We're taking these Gligars for ourselves, of course. Now I know you're just dying to get them out of our hands, but oh no, you wouldn't want to jeopardize yourselves and the Digletts and Dugtrios, wouldn't you?", Jessie says to tease Crystal. Annoyed, Crystal asks Jessie what makes them think they can keep those Gligars. "Well that's simple... we threw the net over all these Gligar and now they're trapped", replies Jessie. "Which means they're now ours for the taking", adds James.

But as reasonable and smart as TR is being at the moment, Crystal's high and rage against Jessie won't let TR off easily.... neither will the presence of that blight of animation known as Snap.

"You can't just take those Gligars, they'll just mess everything up even more", whines Snap making assure him not to panic saying that provided that the twerps don't try anything smart, their Gligars will stay securely in the net. "'En now it's time fuh us tuh flex our smarts!", boasts Meowth as he traps both Sandshrew and Pikachu in glass cases and keeps them for TR. "Sandshrew, Pikachu!", gasps Crystal as Justin shouts, "You creeps.... you can't keep Sandshrew and Pikachu away from us just because you have those Gligars!" James, eager to get competitive with Justin, retorts, "Oh yeah, watch us... go Weezing, smokescreen attack!", giving up any chances of impressing Justin by using his ugliest pokemon. As Weezing's smoke begins to blind the twerps, Crystal insists aloud that it ain't gonna work and has Cyndaquil, the other smokescreen master to burn it away with its flamethrower.

But once the smoke clears away, TR escapes out of the sight range made from Cyndaquil's fire. "They're running away", shouts Misty. "Not for long", replies Crystal as she has everyone run back towards where they entered to try and catch up to TR. When they spot TR running with Meowth holding Sandshrew and Pikachu's cage on his head and James dragging the huge wire net of the Gligars, Crystal shouts for TR to stop but Jessie replies, "Nah na na-na naaah... Sorry, but we have so many of the pokemon in here that nothing can afford to stop us now. But then Meowth trips over a stray Diglett that pops out of its hole and it also gets Jessie and they come down on each other in a marvelous Jessie GAS. But also, this allows Pikachu and Sandshrew to get away from TR's special glass case freeing them. "Daaaahhh!! Ya crushing me, Jessie!", shouts Meowth as her boobs are pressing against Meowth's back.

And who says Jessie's boobs don't have a big impact??

Crystal welcomes them back as things look pretty bad for Jessie and James. But they aren't scared even though Crystal, the twerps, and Totodile, Cyndaquil, Sandshrew, and Pikachu stare them down. James then argues, "Hmmph, don't think we're very scared... there's nowhere you twerps can blast us off to around here. Besides, we've gotten everyone of those Gligars we've gotten in this cave tracing back to when we entered and followed you... the same ones you've been trying to get rid of in here." And this moment, a group of ominous pairs of red eyes starts to glow in the darkness behind TR. "Uuuummm", mutters an anxious Justin as the twerps notice the demons in the darkness behind TR. "That's right, and we are quite happy with these lovely Gligars that we have here", adds Jessie as James says, "Indeed", in approval to each Gligar's hue of pink, no doubt. "You won't be quite happy when you realize what's behind you", nervously jokes Misty. "Duuuhh.. buhind us?", wonders Meowth.

Todd/Snap then gets the ingenious idea of 'hey, let's find out what those evil looking things really by me taking a flash photo of them behind TR stirring them up into a frenzy'. "HUH??!", gasps Jessie as they turn around as they realize that they were more Gligars. "But we didn't see any Gligars coming in here following the twerps?! Where the heck did they come from?", snivels James. Snap feels compelled to answer them that they were probably hidden and sleeping either in the nooks and crannies of the cave walls and ceilings. Of course, the Gligars focus their rage on the ones that deserve it least and look menacingly at TR. At this point, Jessie nervously recalls the superhero's Gligar from the Johto episode which went straight for its face.

Horrified at the memory, Jessie screams out, "OH NOOO! Please, not my face, anything but my face!" And thus she takes off flying past the twerps, their pokemon, and Snap's precious camera. A couple of Gligar go out to peck on James, Meowth, and the big wire cage holding the Gligars which springs a hole just big enough for them to slowly escape. Thus, James and Meowth take off after Jessie as they frantically try to escape the wrath of the pissed off Gligars. They fly right over the twerps whom all crouch down low to try and not become targets of the Gligars attack which initially they were and they stay down while some of them swarm over them while we see Todd hugging his camera for dear life. "Save my face... please! Save my face!", panics Jessie dashing for her life through the Diglett Cave. Not to be outdone in the slightest bit, James pleads, "Save everything of mine please... I'm begging you, Gligars!", worried about..... well, I'm sure you know if you've seen the other Gligar episode. TR then dashes out of sight through the darkness of the cave as one dodgy and very disturbing sound indicates that the Gligars got to at least one of them. Thus, shortly after TR departs with their share of Gligars chasing them, we hear a very campy sounding.......

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

What's unclear is whether or not that's a shout of pain or a shout of pleasure from the campy one.

As for the twerps and their camera hogging moron buddy, they still have a group of Gligars poking at them wanting them to take their punishment and face humpings like the tough trainers that they are. "Oww... ahhh", shouts Justin in pain as Misty yells out the Gligars have gone out of control. "Cyndaquil, distract the Gligars with your flamethrower", commands Crystal from a squatted position covering her head. "QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL", squeals Cyndaquil like a siren firing a flamethrower straight into the air. This gets the Gligars attention as Misty and Crystal sneak Staryu and Totodile respectively out to help Cyndaquil. "Cyndaquil, use your agility!", shouts Cris-tal and Cyndaquil does its best to zip through and over and under all the Gligar tail stab attempts and looks like it's schooling the Gligars until one of them uses its own quick attack, which Justin recognizes, and it sends Cyndaquil tumbling at the feet of the crazy Totodile and the weird-looking Staryu.

"It's going to take an army to take out all those Gligars", says Todd filling in the dialogue. "Ready Misty?", asks Crystal and Misty replies, "Ready!"
"Totodile, hydro pump!"
"Staryu, ice beam!"
Thus, the two water pokeys combine their attack to have a beam of ice being encircled by a kick-ass blast of water which combines to knock out a whole gaggle of Gligars (there's a pluralism for you, zoologists). But despite their combined attack, which in comparison to Totodile's water gun should've created another Victoria Falls, more Gligars then surround the pokemon and the twerps and things look pretty bad. "Jeez, where are all these Gligars coming from, the center of the Earth?", wonders Misty with no unexplainable notion for how she came up with that line. "I need to capture one of these Gligars while they're battling to capture that enraged image", declares Todd being useless and dragging out his f*cking camera again. Justin though, answers back to him stating, "Uuuumm, I guess you could try, but none of those things will ever get inside a pokeball until they get seriously calmed down, bro!" "Uhhh... actually, I meant capture them with my camera..", replies the befuddled Snap. Justin turns glib and mutters, "Oh.... ohhhkay?...", as Snap keeps taking his stupid pictures and getting in the way.

"Gligaaaaaaaar", then shouts one of the crazy acting Gligar which is one of all of them that look like they got into Crystal's special knapsack of weird chemicals since they're flying around so fast and crazy now. The gaggle of Gligars then emit a weird, horrific sound almost worse than the fate of running into Snap. The sound knocks out Staryu and Totodile who's still trying to dance but here just looks like he's sleepwalking. "Oh no... now the Gligars are using screech", explains Justin as Misty complains that she feels like her eardrums are being knocked out. "Gligaaaar... gligaaaarr!!", shouts the Gligar as they get ready to finish off the twerps once and for all with little solace coming in the fact that Todd/Snap is with them. But after Crystal shouts a hopeless, "Oh no!", and Sandshrew and Pikachu also cry out in fear staying close together, what else is to come to the rescue but.....

.......... if you don't know this, you're obviously reading below a first grade reading level and should discontinue reading anything more complicated that nursery rhymes. So anyway, the Digletts and Dugtrio emerge from the ground singing their 'hi-ho hi-ho' type cry coming to the rescue of the twerps and facing down these reckless invaders of their humble abode. "Look!", shouts Crystal as Misty states that the Digletts and Dugtrios finally have come to fight back. "Alright, they probably saw us facing them and realized they had help in getting rid of them", Justin adds. The weird looking weiner pokemon then start to shake the cave resulting in a group of boulders falling down on the Gligars. "Pikaaaa!", says Pikachu astonished as Cris-tal wonders what they're doing and Justin answers, "That's rock slide! That attack will work very well on those Gligars."

So rock slide takes out a good number of the Gligars as a couple of others go for the whole group. They may be going in to hump the head of the..... well y'know... no potty mouths here. But anyway, this results in that scene of Diglett infamy. At that moment, one of the Digletts and one of the Dugtrios give Gligar the 'you're goin' down bitch!' look and then........ they leap out of their holes exposing their entire bodies!!!

......... GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA, DIGLETT-PERV!

The Diglett looks rather simple with hind claws like those that would resemble a mouse, but not a fatso like Pikachu, but the claws stick out forwards and backwards so they can maneuver through the ground in either direction. As for Dugtrio, it's a little more complex. Their bodies are about twice as long as Diglett's but their three heads are fused into one body in a kinda creepy way. Their feet are a little bit bigger but have the same shape as Diglett's with the double sided claws. But enough with the pokeology.....

Both exposed pokemon strike each Gligar with a devastating slash attack grounding the two pink perverted pokemon. "Wow, look at that!", points out Misty. "Saaaaashrew shrew!", exclaims Sandshrew as Crystal says that she's never seen Diglett and Dugtrio out of the ground before looking astonished. And Todd? Ya think he's gonna let this photo-op go by? You're crazy if you think he's not going to take full advantage and make himself filthy f*ckin' rich with this discovery..... oh just what we need... a wealthy twerp. Growing up wealthy is better left to the criminally inept... Rushing like a bat out of hell to get his camera to his face, Todd/Snap focuses on both pokemon and manages to get pictures of both pokemon out of the safety of their holes. "Diglett diglett", sums up Diglett before diving back into its hole as Dugtrio answers, "Trio triiiio", and does the same. The rest of the Digletts continue the rock slide attack nonstop forcing the Gligars to make a retreat out of the cavern as the Digletts win back their precious cave.

"Are those Gligars gonna be alright?", wonders Justin after the Gligars fade away into the distance beyond Cyndaquil's firelight. "There's no certain way to know, but there are plenty of woods and mountains around so hopefully, they will find a place where they can stay and not get moved out of their habitat again", responds Todd/Snap. Crystal then thanks the host of Digletts and Dugtrios for their assistance and adds that they knew they had it in them to fight back. "Diglett!", responds one of the Digletts as Snap is relieved that it's all over, thankful that he doesn't have to worry about him or his precious f*ckin' camera getting attacked. "Take care Diglett... Dugtrio", says Crystal as Pikachu and Sandshrew wave goodbye to them to with Totodile dancing in joy and victory to their right, Cyndaquil just looking at them to the left, and Staryu going, "Hya!", behind all of them. Then the twerps leave them behind to live in peace until the next wave of invaders come in having their habitat destroyed by developers.

 

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This is Nurse Joy's low-cost laborer with pink-utters on either side of its head.)

It's Chansey!!................................. <squealing> "Chaaannsseeey!"

 

With all the tough parts aside, now comes the most welcome part of the episode with Todd/Snap leaving the twerps. Still, he makes sure to get plenty of great pictures of all the twerps pokemon such as Staryu, Cyndaquil and Totodile, and naturally, Sandshrew with Pikachu close together. We also get pictures of the threesome with their pokemon together since Todd is such a charitable guy <snicker>. "Wow... these pictures look great! I can't wait to develop them and add 'em to my book", expresses Todd/Snap. "Do you still have the photos of the Diglett and Dugtrio from before?", asks Cris-tal exhaling deeply again.... will she ever take a day off?!?! "Yeah... once I'm able to get the picture developed, the world will soon see all of Diglett. These may even be the biggest photos for me since my shot of Articuno!!!", says Snap going off still sounding disturbingly dodgy. "Great", replies Crystal who asks him what he's going to do now. Todd/Snap does the smart thing and stays away saying that he's going to go to the nearby hills to try and get some more pictures of the nearby rock and steel type pokemon. "Sounds good!", replies Crystal as they all part ways.

Note: The next part happens but doesn't really happen... but that's only according to censors and non-believers like 4Kids and morons so it really does happen.

And thus, Todd/Snap and the threesome walk separate ways once out of the Diglett Cave thus, leaving behind the perverted cocky little bastard obsessed with photos of phallic shaped pokemon. But once done with Todd, the photomaster runs into another group of kids. "Ummm, may I help you?", he asks. "I guess you could", replies the one girl across from him backed by a couple of taller boys. Another couple from the mob of people jump him from behind and start to mug him and kick his ass. "Yeah... wassup now, you camera dork?", teases one of the muggers as another rips the camera from out around his neck. "Nooooooo.. my precious camera! That has dozens of priceless photos of pokemon on it!!!", he pleads. "Here's a photo for ya to look at", says the short female mugger as we then hear a very loud and terrifying....

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

And then after a couple more seconds of the mugging, the scene ends..... no one ever hearing from Todd/Snap again.... nor does anyone care I'm sure.

But let's end on a happier note with the resulting fate of our heroes, TR. Jessie, James, and Meowth are hiking up a rocky hill with about a half dozen Gligars still bothering to pursue them. "I can't keep running like this.... I'm not a marathon runner", whines James with his hand really close to his rectum as if he's trying to protect and keep some kind of pain down. ........... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. "I'll run 500 miles before I let those creepy things touch my face again!!", declares Jessie. "Wooooooooobbuuhhffeeeet!", shouts Wobbuffet coming out of its pokeball just in time to have everyone fall over themselves into a delicious TR pile. "YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN WHEN AND WHEN NOT TO POP OUT UNANNOUNCED!!", shouts Jessie belly down on the gravely surface. "Woooooobbuuhh", replies Wobbuffet with a salute.

"Gligaaaaaar!", shouts the leading Gligar who looks ready to strike TR and things look grim as usual for TR. But just as they look doomed, the other Gligars call out to the attack positioned as the rest of them are looking at the surrounding mountainous habitat with great interest. "Gligaaar gligaaaar gligaaaaar", they all shout out checking it out. "I don't get it? What's happening?", wonders James. "It looks like dese Gliguhs is likin da surroundins around here", Meowth responds. "Really?", wonders Jessie as Meowth responds that they seem to like this place and may just live here. "Then.... we did them a favor", says James excitedly. "Wooooooobbbuuuhhffeet", adds Wobbuffet as Jessie rejoices while the Gligars enjoy their new surroundings. "See? Whose says none our evil deeds get rewarded", sums up James as Jessie sums up with a bit of PUN-ishment.... but she's so smokin' that I can handle it. She concludes, "Well, looks like I did save face after all...", as we leave with the image of her pretty face smiling at all the world.

To Be Continued