Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 64

Now that the Snap factor has been eradicated and the entire image of Diglett has been exposed to the world, the threesome has left Todd/Snap behind through the Diglett Cave so now they can advance towards the center of Pewter City. And you all know what that means dodgers.......

YES!!! BROCK COMES BACK ANY EPISODE NOW..... MAYBE EVEN THE NEXT ONE!!! Honestly...... he he he....

Misty tells them that now that they're on the other side of the cave, they should actually be IN Pewter City. "Yeah... there's downtown right there", points out Crystal as we see the heart of Pewter City in the valley below with the view above the shoulders of Sandshrew and Pikachu. "It really looks a lot better from the last time I saw it all those many years ago", comments Misty noticing the rebuilding effort that downtrodden, drug-ridden industrial cities like Pewter have been (think Brock's dad's 'rocks'). Crystal goes, "hmm", in agreement as Justin says that if he recalls correctly, they are now currently near the southern border of Pewter City and that the gym is in the northern section of the city. "So it's still quite a walk", responds Cris-tal unenthusiastically as behind them on top of one of the hills, we see a watery blue flashy something spying on the threesome from above.

Yep...... Suicune's still followin' them.... oooh, the mystery... it's gripping me, I can't leave my chair. Wait a second..... I'm sweating so much from the mystery that I CAN'T LEAVE MY CHAIR!! MY STICKY CLOTHES ARE CLINGING TO THE WOODEN FURNITURE... HELP ME... HELP MEEEEEE.......

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***two hours later after managing to slip out of the clothes, get nakee, and shower the perspiration off...***

Now where was me?? Crystal was complaining about the amount of walking that they're going to have to do as Justin replies suggesting the one idea that's massively popular for the growing poor in America. "Unless we take mass transportation", Justin states as Crystal seems less than pleased for some dodgy reasons. "You mean those city buses?? Those have been known to be pretty filthy, not to mention expensive", she tells him as Sandshrew and Pikachu looks confused about the situation. "There is another way to get around Pewter City, Crystal", says Misty. "Really? How?", she asks as Misty points her to a tall sign along the side of the path with the image of a 19th century wagon and saying that Pewter City has recently reinstated the wagon lines that were once being used decades ago so people can get around better as the city continues it's growth spurt. "... it's very relaxing and enjoyable, and it can get you to anywhere you need to go in the city", Misty concludes. And of course, the chance for Cris-tal to enjoy a relaxing ride with lots of scenery means a chance to enjoy getting high again which means she is all in on it as well as Sandshrew and Pikachu.

And just in time, because coming down the beaten down path is one of those stagecoaches pulled by a couple of Tauros and being commanded by pasty fat guy with a balding head. "Getting on?", asks the girl and Crystal replies, "Yes, ma'am!" "Where to?", she asks as Crystal tells her to get to the Pewter City Gym as they're about to get in. And just before they're about to set off, another voice from afar yells, "Excuse me! Wait!" "Huh??", gasps the threesome as the voice sounds familiar.

What's this with the slow pan up of this mystery man's body?? The work boots?..... The neatly pressed khaki slacks?...... The tanned and toned body?!?....... The spiky black hair?!?!?..... The eyes that still refuse to open?!?? WELL, barring the presence of a ghost, this must mean........ YES FELLOW DODGERS AND OTHER READERS ALIKE.... IT'S BROCK!! AND HE'S BACK AND LOOKING BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"You guys have enough room for one more?", asks Brock as he steps into the sight of the threesome looking on from inside the ol' wagon. "Uhh... yeah, of course!", Justin replies as Pikachu pika's happily to see the guy that's fed him better than anyone ever did before. Misty adds happily, "I don't believe it. It's Brock!!!" Thus, now she can stare at Brock for awhile rather than stare at and also argue with Justin like she's been doing all along.

<<cue intro>>

"Have a seat Brock, you look great!", Crystal tells him showing off her slutty side like she's been doing a lot as of late. "Thanks.... you guys look like you're doing very well yourselves, especially you two, Sandshrew and Pikachu."
"Saaaasrhew!", replies Sandshrew.
"Pika piikaah", adds Pikachu.
"I even have treats for all of you. I was going to save these roast beef sandwiches for when you guys came to the gym, but since we're already all here, let's enjoy them now. I even prepared some of my top notch pokemon chow for you two", says Brock referring to Sandshrew and Pikachu regarding the pokemon chow. So Crystal digs out her sandwich and takes a big bite exclaiming, "WOW! This sandwich has to be the best one I've ever had." Justin then adds some pretty silly dodgyness by adding, "The cheese sauce on this is just melting off my tongue to perfection", with a full mouth. "I'd knew you guys would enjoy it", replies Brock getting all culinary (you know, feminine) like how we missed him stating, "I mashed some herbs into the rye bread, some rosemary inside on the meat (lol), and added just a hint of my own super secret recipe brown sugar."

Well all I can say now is...... DA BITCH BE BACK!

"Mmmmm", mmm's Misty in a dodgy manner as Crystal notices that Pewter City is undergoing a lot of construction since she's last been there.... it's unknown to us when she was last there, it could've been 1992 for all we know..... good year. "It must feel nice that they're doing all this work just to improve the city", suggests Misty. "Well, the construction is kind of noisy... especially for the 10 siblings that I have. But it has made a turn for the better. They even finished a playground across from our house. I even used some of my pokemon to help out with the playground", Brock tells them. "That sounds great", replies Cris-tal as Brock gets all excited and insists that he tells them about what he and his group has done since we last left them.

Here's Wagon Tale #1... (full of still-frame, off-color, flashback images) as told by Brock

Brock recalls that he was particularly welcome to see his family again including his father and to make up for the horrendous amount of time that he neglected the family that he basically mothered for all those years, he claims that he made them the most fabulous feast and fruit snacks that they ever had since his dad, Flint, only knew how to make peanut butter, pasta, and Thai food. "Better than Justin, he just makes us deli sandwiches", interrupts Misty. "At least they're good deli sandwiches. I only get the freshest cheese and bread whenever I shop, Misty", retorts Justin. "Now now", replies Brock, "No one's starving, you know." Brock then continues his story adding that he did an entire spring clean-up to the Pewter Gym and that it took weeks to fully sweep, clean, dust, sanitize, vacuum, scrub, paint, wash, fumigate, unclog, and deice everything.

It's amazing what a person, let alone a Brock, can do when he doesn't have to take care of and nurse a Ketchum.

But all in all, everything turned out great and the gym looked like it was just built. He further claims though that he could not have finished as quickly as he did if it wasn't for the help of his pokemon. "Onix continues to grow and is now currently over 30 feet long", Brock says as we see a timeless image of Onix 'ga-roaring'. So Brock has grown a bigger Onix, too, after all.... must be breaking into Flint's Viagra cup in the medicine chest. The kid's a little too desperate... "Geodude has been doing digging for some local projects giving us, in a sense, even more incomes", then adds Brock as we go through all his pokemon, "Pineco's also helping out with the blasting and it even recently evolved into a Forretress. Crobat has helped too, and has also provided hours of entertainment for my younger siblings. And Magcargo has been wonderful and has allowed us to have backyard BBQ's with it being able to be a substitute for a grill."

Brock then explains that as for the construction, the city has already completed the playground that he already mentioned, a post office, an extension to the local elementary school.... oh I forgot... it has to be a POKEMON elementary school. He then adds that in the next couple of years, they're going to finish a new library, pokemon center, and sports arena. "Wow, now I see why they're bringing in all this new public transportation", responds Crystal. Brock then concludes that his only worries is for the Pewter Excavational Ruins Cavern just north of the city adding that there have been some recently discovered rare pokemon in there and Brock worries that the continued noise and pollution from all the construction may disturb the pokemon living in there. "Whatever the city decides to do from here should be extremely careful to think about the inhabitants of that cavern to the north. I've heard some pretty spooky things going on in there and I would not like for anything bad to happen to the city because of it", sums up Brock as the tale ends.

Justin agrees as Misty wonders, "Wait a moment.... you said you had a Magcargo, I never knew you had one of those." "Yeah, I ain't ever seen one either", Cris-tal tacks on to it. "Oh yeah", realizes Brock, "You guys have never seen Magcargo. I just caught it just outside of town in the wild not too long ago. Come on out, Magcargo!" "Magcargooo!!", bolsters Magcargo standing next to Brock who remains sitting against the canvas of the wagon. "Cool... how you doing, Magcargo?", greets Crystal while reading the Pokedex...

Magcargo - the Lava Pokemon - Magcargo's brittle shell, occasionally spouts intense, flames, that circulate throughout, its body.

"Awesome... would you like a snack?", Crystal offers giving it what looks like a cracker and Magcargo, being the animal that it is, gladly gobbles it up as Crystal welcomes it on behalf of their little group threesome party. Then, the wagon comes to a halt on what appears to be the next stop though the wagon seems a little tight for space..... hmmmmmm.

Now pay attention here.... this next part may throw you off and shock you due to its unusuality. Just follow closely...

Climbing aboard the ol' wagon is this luscious brunette around Brock and Justin's age dressed all professionally like she's just finished her office job (or lusty internship). Justin's eyes light up as you'd expect and Brock..... well... I think you should all know Brock's typical reaction. "Excuse me", says the girl upon entering the wagon as Brock's eyes fill with hearts and he goes all crazy like he normally does. "OOOOOHHHH! AT LAST, MY SWEET DARLING PRINCESS IS SETTLING IN WITH ME IN THE WAGON!!", decries Brock and Misty giggles and quips about how at least some things don't change. Brock begins to ramble on like usual telling the girl, "So you've finally come back to me darling", as she gives him kind of a crooked smile, "It's me Brock, the man you dream about at night to warm you up when you're cold and alone, the brightest tulip in a garden of flowers, and nothing makes MY day brighter than the appearance of your beautiful and unblemished face." At this point, Misty's heard enough and with a happy-to-be-able-to-be-doing-this-again smile, she interrupts, "Umm... I think it's also time for the reappearance of my fingers to your ear", as she begins to drag Brock away.

Hard to believe that Misty really misses fingering..... neehh, too easy.

But just as Brock is getting dragged away, the woman goes, "Hold on, young lady." Misty huh's as the woman assures her that it's okay and that she's dealt with Brock before. "You have? He must be something else to deal with...", wonders Misty sarcastically as the woman answers, "He certainly is. I gotta tell you young lady, Brock certainly is without a doubt...." The woman gives them a long pause before blurting out at a million miles an hour just like Brock does, "the cutest, manliest, most caring and knowledgeable pokemon breeding hunk in the world!!!", as her eyes turn into pink hearts just like Brock. Misty first gets confused before the reality of the situation hits all of them as everyone, including myself, the viewers, readers, and the rest of the world gasp in amazement....

...."WHHAAAAAA?!?!!?!?!?!".... "SAAAAAAAAASHREW SHREW!!?!!?!!?!!?".... "PIIIIIIKKAAAAAHH!!?!!?!!?!!?"... "Bob Dole".... "WHAZUP WIT DAT?!".... "DANG BIZITCH!!!!".... and so on.

While everyone gapes in an aura of surrealness, Brock and the girl continue to ramble on and wax poetic about each other. "WWWWWOW!", states Misty with her jaw down just like the rest of the threesome. "She acts...", starts Justin still sounding bewildered.
"....just like...", continues Cris-tal.
"....him.", finishes Misty as the realization makes all of them fall over momentarily.

<Here's your damn intermission to recover yourself so make the best of it...>

Oops, intermission over... on with the dodge! "I don't understand, Brock's been turned down by women by more often than a knob on an oven, what do you see in him so differently that draws you to him", wonders Crystal. "Don't get me wrong, Brock, it's all good and everything that you found your lady but umm... this is just... uhhh.. extremelyyy... weird to see somebody that's just as much in love with you as you are in love with them", Justin tells the tanned one. "Oh you guys, I've waited an eternity for my precious woman to come to me. She's been the beautiful garden that I always worked tirelessly on, but could never get anything to bloom until now", Brock tells them as he still can't get enough of his smokin' new girlfriend.

And Misty? How is she dealing with this after years of keeping Brock for working his clumsy mojo on hundreds of girls? Hah! Read for yourself. The young mullet-haired redhead mutters, "Yeah... garden... that must have taken you much flower power, Brock. A-he-he-heh..", nonsensically as she just stares in bewilderment at the canvas of the covered wagon as the world she knows where Brock never got laid is crumbling around her. "Oh... sorry about Misty. She's still beside herself about the coupling of you two. You two have been traveling together for quite a long time...", Justin tells him. "Mind if I ask your name and how on Earth you two somehow found each other?", Crystal requests as we finally get to hear about their romantic love get-together.

"Oh my goodness, you guys. Where are my manners, of course? Ahem.... this is the one and only can't miss, goddess of beauty that I have been lucky enough to see though I still find it hard to believe that a girl this beautiful exists in this world. Please meet Janelle!", Brock introduces as Janelle creeps up besides his lap (minds can stay in da gutta at this point). Janelle lovingly fires back, "Oh Brocky, please don't be too flattering. After all, you're the one that is as rock solid as the city itself yet has a softer side that rivals the most gentlemanly gentleman with the way you make those delicious dinners, dewrinkle everyone's clothes, and yet take care of your entire family." "Umm... Story?", requests Crystal trying to push the plot along and thus Janelle tells them how they magically appeared in each others' lives.

Here's Wagon Tale #2... as told by Janelle

"I was just coming back from the bank to cash my paycheck one day when I looked over at the fountain, and I noticed him", narrates Janelle adding adoringly, "He looked like the most handsome guy walking the planet. So I went up to him and calmly introduced myself." This turns out to be a blatant lie according to the flashback for we witness her going crazy just like Brock always has before zipping over to him, introducing herself, telling him every single point about his smokin' body, and instantly proposing that they go on a date. "But I then realized something was wrong. It turns out that Brock wasn't feeling that great and was totally exhausted to the point that he couldn't even respond and realize I was there. So I took care for him for a little while until he finally came to", continues Janelle.

"I was running around taking care of all kinds of errands for all my brothers and sisters. It just got so stressful that I nearly passed out near the fountain in town. I'm fortunate that Janelle found me that day or I could have been in some bigger trouble", adds Brock. Janelle continues that when he finally got better, she apologized for the trouble she caused him and yet, she knew she only had one chance to ask out this charming young man. We then see her going on about how well-mannered and handsome he is and then she asks her if SHE could have the privilege of going on a date with HIM. "And of course, I said 'yes'", adds Brock as we see him go madly in love with Janelle and then rave about her. "O sweet lady, I can't describe what you've done for me in words and do it justice. It's like the sun has risen again on my life and it's shining brighter and hotter than ever, hotter than it's ever shown before. And you Miss, are that light that has come upon me, so to your proposal, I accept and am thrilled to be going out on a date with you", rants Brock. And so we see them hugging in extreme joy as we return to the present day.

Janelle then adds that they've been in love and been dating for six weeks now. "Cool!", responds Justin while Misty tells Brock, "Ahh, now I see! You were so out of it that one day that you didn't even get a chance to scare her off until she knew she liked you." "It's like your possibilities opened when your mouth closed", adds Crystal talking all dodgy again.

And speaking of open and closed mouths, here's Team Rocket!! No doubt they have a story or 50 to tell, but right now, they're having trouble enough just standing up they look so pale and ill as they walk down a Pewter City thoroughfare. "Ohhh... I'm so sick that I'm shaking more than these jackhammers", groans Jessie devoid of all life and energy. "All this construction noise here and banging on my head. It feels like I'm the one they're putting the wrecking ball, too", says James walking weakly to the right of Meowth. "My whole furry body feels like it's wrecked...", mutters Meowth as he tries to endure the pain of whatever is ailing him. And honestly, it could be anything judging by the looks of them, from bronchitis to influenza to even SARS maybe.

Meowth then gives another moan before saying, "Doooohh man, I can't even go on. Can't take even... one.. more... step...", Meowth then lies down right on the road. Jessie tries to get Meowth to move on saying, "Come on, Meowth, stop being such a..... wimp. A little virus... ain't gonna.... slow me.. dwn." But Jessie falls down to the ground alongside Meowth giving us a nice shot of her cleavage from the ground. James thus, plays monkey see, monkey do and figures that since they're not going to press on then neither will he. And once he speaks his peace, James then withers to his knees and falls over forward leaving the three of them too sick to get up from lying on the road. Poor TR!

And with the twerps' wagon wheeling right up on them, the roly-poly driver slows down his Tauros shouting, "Whoa!" "What's going on?", wonders Crystal as they all look at the direction the driver is looking at.... which is at the nearly unconscious TR splattered out in front of the wagon. The twerps then gasp as Justin points out, "Is that Team Rocket?" "Oh dear... they look terrible", worries Janelle as Brock says that they look so ill that they can't even get up. And thus, we cut to TR sitting with blankets over each of them as they are quarantined to the extreme corner of the wagon while the twerps stay faaaar away from them... or at least as much as possible.

"Normally, I would never ever give you three any help. But we're willing to put up with you and get you to a doctor so long as you don't cause any trouble", Crystal tells them from the opposite corner.

"Ohh... we're too sick to cause any trouble", utters Jessie listlessly.
"And I think this flu is making my head ache double", then says James glumly.
"It's made our sight a total blur"
"So we're out searching for an immediate cure"
"With my high fever, I don't think I can last"
"I just hope we get to the hospital fast"
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket's heroically combating this vicious disease"
"Surrender now cuz we're in no condition for battling, please"
"Meeeowth, indeed", finishes Meowth.

"It's been awhile since I've seen you guys, too", Brock comments as Janelle asks him who exactly are these fine looking sick people. "That's Jessie, James, and Meowth from Team Rocket. They look clumsy and especially ill at the moment but they're also dangerous criminals. Just stay away from them and with your rock here and you'll be fine", Brock tells her with his arms around her waist. "It's been ages since I've seen you, you big twerp", James comments sounding welcome to see the hunky Brock again, and why not since he's so sexay! "Who's the little princess doll in your arms?", asks Jessie about the cute young lady totally hooked on Brock. Thus, Brock introduces TR to Janelle, his girlfriend and then Janelle asks them how they ever got so sick.

Brock's Magcargo goes in to try and take a closer look saying, "Magcargooo", but Brock warns it against doing so and adds that he'd better return to its pokeball since all the bodies on the wagon are slowing it down and Magcargo goes away for a little while. "It looks like the wagon's picking up speed again", notices Misty as they go about a few miles an hour faster. The driver informs them that they're at about maximum capacity and any little help they get can get them to their destination quicker. "That's quite a relief", sighs Jessie as her legs shiver in unison. Someone wanna calm dem legs down?? "WOOOOOOOOOBBUUUHHFFET!", announces Wobbuffet coming out with a salute though it slows down the wagon back to the speed it was going at originally. "You're a cancer in itself", Jessie says as forcefully as she can from under her covers. "Wooooooobbuuhh wooooob", replies Wobbuffet.

"Ey.... you guys", interrupts Meowth weakly, "I tink I may have figguhed out what got us so ill in da foist place." "Really?", asks Brock as James wishes to know how they got so despondently sick. "I ain't quite soiten, but I tink it may have come from dat lunch we 'ad yestuhday across town..", starts Meowth.

Here's Wagon Tale #3... as told by Meowth

"We was in back of da Pewtuh Dinuh West scroungin' fuh food in da back near da garbage", he recalls weakly. "NO WE WEREN'T!! We were inside the diner enjoying our veal cutlets!", shouts Jessie as loudly as she can through her illness. "Duuhhh... buuut", starts Meowth as we see as image of them eating luxuriously inside the diner for a moment until Jessie whispers to Meowth, "Do you really want them to know what kind of miserable bum lives we lead?" "Uhh", starts Meowth until Jessie finishes, "Then don't let them know we were gathering up garbage!!" Thus, Meowth continues, "Sooo.. we wuz like dinin' out at da swankiest joint when I tink I saw some misuhrable lookin chef dat had indigestion woise dan a guy wit no stomach. I happened tuh see 'em sneeze on something and den moments latuh, we wuz soived." At this time, we see TR waiting out the back door of the restaurant as some 'ruined meal' gets thrown out next to the trash can and the three of them pounce on it glad to have filled their stomach. "I ruhmember dat we all came down wit our sickness shortly aftuh we left da place", concludes Meowth.

"Geez, maybe you shoulda left a tip", suggests Justin. "Absolutely not! That would go against the Team Rocket credo", James retorts. "That's right, we're cheapskate artists and proud of it", says Jessie who then begins to start coughing again really badly as she complains, "Ahh... <hacking>... I can't.... <cough> take this... <loud cough>." James and Meowth also start coughing really violently as Crystal tells them that they really need to save their strength since they're already lacking so much energy as it is. "Wooooooobbuuuhhffet", comments Wobbuffet who slides away from TR so as not to catch any of their germs. "Don't you have anything to give to them, Brock? I can't stand all that loud coughing", Misty asks him knowing that he's the food and medicine whiz. TR continues hacking away as Brock replies, "Let me see... I may have something in my backpack", while his boo Janelle backs into Brock a little tighter afraid of catching TR's mysterious disease.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pink thing has an enormous sculpted headpiece yet no pants, the way most everyone else wants to live.)

It's Slowking!! ................................. "Sloooowking!"

"<coughing> Why didn't you... <coughing> say anything about those... <coughing> guys sneezing on our food, Meowth? <more coughing>", interrogates Jessie. "Euughh... <coughing> I didn't tink about it at <coughing> da time", quips Meowth. "You furbrain", yells Jessie weakly as the three of them hack away while Wobbuffet salutes to the side. "Okay guys, I really didn't want to waste these on you guys. But it's clear to me that you're all in such bad shape that I might as well use these", Brock tells them pulling out a half dozen pills. "What are those?", asks Cris-tal with great interest. "These are special anti-biotic pills that work on both humans and pokemon", Brock tells her. "Humans and pokemon?", wonders Crystal as Brock continues, "I got them from Nurse Joy at the Pokemon Center. It contains all-natural organic ingredients yet it's medicine is some of the most powerful stuff in the world. Here.... everyone have two of them."

Hmmm... I wonder how Brock was able to get such rare medicine from Nurse Joy?? Make of that what you will...

"MM hmmmm... I feel so warm and fuzzy", declares Jessie who looks much better just a short while later after taking the pills. Then James rejoices as well making sure to be as dodgy as possible. "My chest isn't bothering me anymore!", he says. "That medicine is amazing! They're healed already!", says Misty sounding astonished. "Wooooooobbuuuhhffet", observes Wobbuffet with a nod. Then Crystal, ever so curious about medicinal wonders asks Brock if that was Cynerablasol and Brock confirms her marvelous knowledge about hard-to-get prescription drugs. "How'd you know that, twerp?", asks Jessie. Misty answers Jessie telling her that Crystal is a certified junior nurse that has worked with patients both human and pokemon alike.

"A nurse??", replies TR stunned to hear this news. "How did you get to be a nurse?", asks James sounding very interested in how to become one himself. And in the storytelling spirit of the ride they're on, Meowth then adds, "Tell us how." "Well, it started quite a while ago but Sandshrew and I still recall the turn of events very well", Cris-tal answers. "Saaanshrew", adds Sandshrew laying down next to a tired Pikachu and also next to Crystal sitting down.

Here's Wagon Tale #4... as told by Crystal

Back in school, she claims that her favorite subject was always science and she and Sandshrew were always into doing the many experiments they had during school.

Well we certainly couldn't have expected that, could we now?

Though she was really into science, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with it when she grew up. And thus, one day she came back from school with a younger Sandshrew to discover that her mom was sick and unable to leave the couch. She claims that she wanted to help but she just didn't know what to do. "Did you call 911, Cris?", asks Justin. "Well yeah", responds Cris-tal, "I called 911 and fortunately, my mom was able to get treated. She had to spend a couple of nights in the hospital but thankfully, she recovered just fine from her sudden illness. But what impressed me the most was how the doctors and nurses that worked to heal my mother were able to work with her and heal her while keeping her so calm that she could manage to get through everything she had to endure. Thus, the way they used their scientific knowledge as well as their personality made me ambitious to want to become a doctor and shortly after my mom got better, I became a volunteer at a nearby hospital and I was even able to have Sandshrew around to assist me." She concludes her story by stating that Sandshrew was a terrific help in assisting her and even providing pokemon therapy sometimes when patients needed it. Also, throughout Crystal's narration, we see images of Marguerite Fletching passed out on the couch unable to move as well an ambulance taking off from her house and the doctors and nurses working with her.

Of course if you don't believe this little anecdote of Crystal's, you'd probably believe the version of this story that has her starting to smoke up the pounds of green she's had all these years. That would be.... young Cris-tal and Sandshrew come home early from school and surprise mom finding her cracked out hanging over the big-screen TV. Shocked by this, her mom passes out next to her short-term alcoholic boyfriend and then makes all kind of funny movements. Cris-tal gets all fascinated by the altered states that these drugs put her mom in.... and the rest is history.

"Wow, that must have been a harrowing ordeal", starts Brock, "I'd hate to have anything like that happen to my precious golden schnook 'ems. You're way too beautiful and perfect to ever succumb to a tragedy like what happened Crystal's mom." "I'm glad you're mom's okay... and I'm glad your okay, my handsome, miracle working apple of my eye", answers Janelle putting her arms around Brock as they get closer to each other. "You're not only the apple of my eye, my sweet cornucopia of life, you're also my orange, my banana, my seedless grapes, my papaya, pear, mango, kiwi, grapefruit, cranberry, blueberryraspberryblackberryhoneydewlemonlimecherryraisin..", then replies Brock going nuts for Janelle again before Misty has all she can handle. And thus she yells at them, "Are you two ever going to finish?!?", which interrupts Brock making him lose his place.

Regarding Crystal's story, James was very intrigued about Cris's nurse story and tells her, "Your story was so touching. Perhaps I would have become interested in nursing if I didn't despise my parents so much." "Despise your parents?!", responds the shocked, loving Crystal even though we've seen no traces of a father for her to profess her love for. "Jimmy's parents wuz brutal. Dey tried tuh force him tuh get married and made him to be such a wimp. It wuz so much dat Jimmy wuz forced to escape his affluent mansion and lifestyle tuh join da lowly ranks uh Team Rocket", Meowth tells her. "I remember this one day where my parents made me go to school sick because of some dance they had later in the day. And it turned out disastrous because of the hideous attire they made me wear", James then adds. "Hold up! You grew up wealthy?", replies Crystal. "Wealthier than all of us put together times 100!", Jessie answers. "His parents mansion is unbelievable", adds Misty as Pikachu holds out his stumpy arms to indicate either its love for Sandshrew's sexay body or a miniature version of the size of James's mansion.... or his weenie, perhaps (that dirty electric rat).

Here's Wagon Tale #5... as told by James (no ooh-ing or eee-ing until it's over, please)

"I woke up this one morning in my bedroom and I had the most terrible fever", begins James, "What was worse was the fact that later that day, our school was having a Valentine's Day dance which I wasn't looking forward to because I had no date." And to prove that Jessie is still frustrated with James's lack of heterosexuality, she interrupts muttering, "Well that's a big surprise", as we see an image of young blue hair lying in bed ill. "Wouldn't you be kind of looking forward to being ill on a day you didn't want to go to school?", figures Justin. "Perhaps, but my egomaniacal parents made me go to school anyway because they had this dreadful attire picked out for just for me to wear to the dance. And there was no way they were going to miss seeing me going around in it since they were chaperoning the dance too, adding to my misery", James continues as we get a glimpse of the cute little outfit that he had to wear to prep school that day. We see little James donning a cowboy hat garnered with what looks like cotton, a light green dress shirt with long-sleeved and tucked in deeply to his dark brown corduroy slacks and oversized red shoes.

Don't ask how I came up with that.... just know that it looks awful on little Jimmy.

"The torment started from the moment I stepped onto campus. It was so bad I tried everything I could to lose the outfit but to no avail", moans James solemnly, "I got laughed at, mocked, and the rougher kids even beat me. But what was worse was the dance later that day. I was all to my lonesome in my miserable outfit. And worst.... worst of all, when the big dance number played, everyone paired up with their date. Of course, I was dateless so I just chose to sat out which didn't really bother me as much as my itchy pants were. But my parents!! They would not allow me to not dance..." James then recalls with rage, "'You've been sitting there like a bump on a log, go ask some girl to dance with you', my mother would say. I told her I was too afraid to ask any girl, let alone in that awful outfit she dressed me in. So instead, she took it upon herself to me my dance partner among the dozens of my schoolmates. I was humiliated beyond belief. Furthermore, my peers would never see me the same again. I never forgave my parents for the punishment they gave me when I didn't even do anything wrong. Then.... THEN just a year later, they introduced me as a suitor to that horrible Jessiebell. Eeeeeeee! I couldn't stand living there after then, and soon after, I was forced to run away from my mansion and all the luxuries I was accustomed to." The flashback ends as we see James sniveling while finishing up stating that he kept some money to enter Pokemon Tech (from the beginning of the series) and the rest is history...

...It sure is little Jimmy

"Aww... that's so sad. My sister's put me through quite a rough time as well, but I guess you had it rougher", replies Misty feelin sad for him for a change. James also strikes a nerve with the guys, Justin and Brock, as they also look very sad and sympathetic to James's tale of woe. "I feel so sorry that your parents treaty you so miserably", sobs Brock. "<sob> I'm sure if people knew what your parents did to you, I think they would be a lot more understanding. It's very tough to be a single male in today's world", adds Justin all teary-eyed. "That was so sad", weeps Brock as the two of them are still devastated by hearing that and they HUG to console each other. Thus, the influence of James spreads itself again. "You know, this is nice for all of us to be sharing all of our individual struggles with each other instead of just another usual one-sided fight", states Misty.
"Saaashrew", agrees Sandshrew.
"Wooooooobbuuhhffet", then agrees Wobbuffet.
"It's like dose cuhmoishuls say... Da More Ya Know...", says Meowth as Jessie wants to know what he means with that gibberish. "He means that by all of us sharing our stories and wisdom, we become more comfortable with life and ourselves. It also makes us better prepared for all of life's perils", philosophizes Janelle. "That's always good to know", then says Crystal. "Pikachu", adds Pikachu standing next to Cris-tal.

But then the wagon comes to a sudden halt when the group hears an explosion just outside the wagon which brings the Tauros carrying the wagon to a sudden halt. "What was that?", gasps Crystal as the others shout in surprise. "There's somethin' outside approaching the wagon. Keep your eyes open!", says the bald conductor dude making the crew gasp again. "What could be going on, Brock?", asks Misty and Brock replies that he's not sure but it sounds like it could be trouble. At that moment, a shadow rises up on the outside of the wagon looking like an enormous bearded armed robber with a sack in its hand which catches everyone's attention, but Janelle's first as she shouts while in Brock's arms, "Hey! Look over there!", as the robber shadow approaches the rear entrance of the wagon. "Daaaaah! It's an armed robbuh!", shouts Meowth. "Wooooobbuuhhffet!", salutes Wobbuffet. "And he's come to take all my worldly affluent possessions... oh wait, I'm with Team Rocket, I don't have anything anymore", adds James as Justin shushes them so as not to draw attention to themselves. And as the music tension reaches a crescendo, the shadowy robber figure lifts up the back curtain of the wagon revealing.....

..... "Delibirdiiiiii!" YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! It's the Pokemon Cris-tal debut appearance of Delibird. It took awhile... but it's probably well worth the wait!

After an initial gasp of terror, Jessie then disappointedly says, "Ohh wait a minute, it's just that dumb old, bill collecting Delibird!" "Do ya tink we got any money having to ride uhround on dis rickety piece of foinitcha fuh free?", Meowth asks Delibird. "That's Team Rocket's Delibird!", points out Brock as Crystal wonders aloud, "Team Rocket's Delibird." "Every so often, it follows around the three of them", adds Misty as Crystal says softly while getting her pokedex out, "Hmm.. Delibird.."

Delibird - the Delivery Pokemon - Delibird nests, at the edge of, sharp cliffs. It typically spends, all day, carrying food to its, awaiting chicks.

Delibird hands Jessie TR's bill that they've accumulated during the Kanto League as Jessie cheerlessly reads it. "Let's see... Dear Jessie, James, and Meowth... blah blah blah... though you're still giving your all.... uh-da da da.... WHAT?? I can't believe the amount of figures that are attached to our operating parts and labor?!", reads Jessie before going ballistic about the figures. "We woulda given 'em back if da twoips didn't wreck everyting! You should really be givin da bill tuh dem. Dey're da ones takin Team Rocket to da cleanuhs!", Meowth tells Delibird. "Woooooobb", comments Wobbuffet as Jessie continues to read the bill with more outrage. "Are they out of their minds?! They're charging us for 55 BOTTLES OF CLAIROL HERBAL ESSENCES?!?!", shouts Jessie.

But Meowth informs her that they got all that shampoo for her to take care of her '95 lbs. of hair'. "Well I would rather drown in debt than live another day with split ends and frizzies. But what about the $197 on the bill here for rocky road ice cream.... MEOWTH?!?", scolds Jessie. "Umm... for your information, that was you too, Jessie", butts in James. "Whaat?", gasps Jessie getting nervous, "Then... then... what about the 50 orders of Caesar Salad? (TR just stares at Jessie).... Umm... $87 of Dunkin Donuts Coffee? a $250 shopping spree at Macy's in Herald Square?? $1000 worth of Diet Coke??? COURTSIDE SEATS TO A WASHINGTON WIZARDS GAME???!" "All you", calmly replies James. "It wuz yer ideas tuh go do all dat stuff", Meowth yells at her. "Well tell me how YOU can resist seeing Michael Jordan up close and personal!!!", Jessie responds with a loving sigh.

"How did that Delibird know you three were in here", wonders Crystal as we hear Delibird cry out a little bit. "Are you kidding me? This greedy grubby flying money grabber has never left us alone. Once we finally worked off our debt the first time, it stopped bothering us. But now that we've been unable to make a living, it's now back in our faces", complains Jessie as she goes into her story.

Here's Wagon Tale #6... as told by Jessie

Jessie tells everyone that Delibird followed them from the highest mountains to the lowest valleys and everywhere in between. During that time she claims, every hard earned penny that we were able to scrounge was taken from us by this cold-hearted Delibird. "Now that I think about it, I kind of wish that it was an armed robber that stopped us now", cuts in James for unknown, infinitely possible reasons. "Quiet! This is my story, let me continue!", shouts Jessie who then narrates, "Its recollection was going very slowly until we were able to set up our fake badge business which was just barely enough to make it go away until now." We see images of Delibird collecting TR's due and Jessie happily selling badges to appease their creditors until the end of this brief tale.

"So now that the airborne moneybags has come back, we need a way to repay the debt we built up", states James. "We need sometin quick so dat our fine feathuhed friend don't stay uhround too long", then says Meowth. "But the only things in here worth that much value are Sandshrew and Pikachu", whispers Jessie to Meowth and James... as well as Wobbuffet listening in. "Den leave it tuh me", says Meowth who then whispers his plan to Delibird leaving Cris-tal to wonder if this Delibird is gonna stick around for the rest of the ride. Janelle then asks, "How are you guys going to repay your debt this time?" The three of them look smug as they all go, "Well um... it's like this... you see.. it is a bit difficult to explain but... I tink we know.." But then Meowth tries to catch everyone off guard including a confused looking Sandshrew and Pikachu standing in front of Crystal as he quickly sacks both of the dynamic pokemon duo shouting, "Get in dere!"

"Ahh!", gasps the threesome as Brock yells, "Heeey! What do you think you're doing?" "Give me back my pokemon!", demands Crystal as Brock tries to tackle Meowth and he ends up landing on the edge of the bag trapping the bag along with James's leg. "No... bring it to me", demands Jessie as she tries to pull the bag out from under Brock's finely-shaped ass causing an all out scrum for the bag with Sandshrew and Pikachu in it to ensue. Crystal and Janelle struggling with Jessie, James wrestling with Brock and Misty(!!), Meowth struggling with Justin clawing him... and the best and dodgiest part about this little fiesta is...... ALL EIGHT OF THEM ARE ON THE GROUND!!!

Squee!! :D

During all this madness, Delibird simply scratches its head trying to figure out what the hell this madness is all about. And Wobbuffet is Wobbuffet, he actually ends up on top of Jessie's back gladly saluting above and beyond the madness and fighting. Also, Pikachu manages to peep out from the bag which is underneath James.... ahem!.... and thus the electric yellow mouse manages to get out. "Pikaaa!", it calls to Sandshrew, but before Sandshrew can escape as well, Meowth spots the bag and snatches it from underneath the scuffle. Meowth spots Delibird and gives it the bag telling it, "Ere! Take dis Sandshrew back to da boss, quickly. Dis'll at least help resolve dis little debt we got.... now hurry!" "Delibirdiiii!", reacts Delibird by Meowth scaring it out of wagon and thus, Delibird begins to fly away.

Brock spots this and informs Crystal and Pikachu that Delibird is getting away with Sandshrew as we see Delibird holding Sandshrew's sack in its beak. "Ugh", grunts Crystal breaking free from the ending scuffle, "Pikachu, stop it with a thunderbolt!" But as Pikachu winds up with its electric energy, Delibird nails Pikachu with one of its presents. "Piiiiiii-KAAAAAAAH-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", shouts Pikachu in pain as Jessie declares, "Bullseye!" Crystal obviously wonders what happened and Justin informs her that Delibird used its present attack. Thus, a perfect time for Crystal to make a rare crack joking silently, "That must've been an April Fools present." She then goes to check on Pikachu as..... YES!... it's time for Brock the Rock to take charge. And how appropriate that Brock leaps into action for the first time in a long time with his trusty Onix. "Ga-roooooooooooooar!", ga-roar's Onix as Misty comments that Brock's Onix is looking well.

..... make of Misty's compliment what you will.

"Onix, get that Delibird!!", shouts Brock and so Onix extends (cut it out, perverts) up and tries to catch Delibird. And..... it does!! Okay, it... sort of does... Onix catches Delibird by its tailfeathers as tries to clamp on as the twerps look up from the wagon and are glad to see Onix catching Delibird while TR fears the same sight. "Don't let go, Onix!", shouts Brock as Onix groans and Delibird tries to frantically wiggle out of Onix's jaws waving its full wings and kicking its claws until...... Delibird manages to break free leaving Onix with a faceful of feathers. Delibird meanwhile, grabs its ass in pain hilariously as if it just had an enema.

Poor Delibird...

"Ahh... it broke free", gasps Misty. "Alright", rejoices Meowth as James yells for Delibird to make a break for it. And as Cris-tal and co. look up at Delibird starting to get away, Pikachu regains its whereabouts luckily for them. "Pikaa pikachu", says Pikachu getting the cobwebs out of its head. "Pikachu, you're alright", says Crystal as Pikachu confirms her and then, begins to take off scaling the rocky back of Onix as quickly as it can. "Pikachu!", states Crystal as Meowth wonders where Pikachu is going. Pikachu scales Onix and then jumps off the top of its head to unleash a thunderbolt on Delibird whom can't avoid it. This grounds Delibird who lands just outside the ol' wagon all fried and sparking from the electric attack and it allows Sandshrew, who's ground type capabilities allowed it to escape harm, to free itself from TR's bag.

"Hey Sandshrew, you okay?", yells out Crystal and Sandshrew comes running alongside Pikachu back to the twerps waiting in the wagon. "I don't think either of them took any damage. Crystal, your pokemon are amazing.... almost as amazing as my Brocky's pokemon", states Janelle. "That's what we're most thankful for", Misty then tells her as the two freed pokemon happily cry out various versions of their name. The twerps then go from all happy and bright to all pissed and stormy looking at Team Rocket. Obviously, TR gets all nervous as well they should be.... except for Wobbuffet of course, and Delibird who's still out courtesy of Pikachu. "I don't think we're headed for a happy ending", cowers James as Wobbuffet happily salutes to make his ending happy no matter what. "You three STILL haven't learned a thing...", shouts Brock. "And after that story I actually shared with you... Sandshrew, use your skull bash!", adds a disgusted Crystal. Sandshrew then slams Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet all at once with just its head putting them just about out of it as they lie next to Delibird showing a GAS of James. "Onix, use your body slam attack!", shouts Brocko and Onix ga-roar's and slams into TR sending them away.

We then see TR blasting away with Meowth's legs spread wide apart right near James.... more blueshipping silliness for all. And Jessie grumbles, "That Onix really hurt."

Obviously something you'll RARELY hear out of Jessie if ya know what I mean.

As Delibird and Wobbuffet sail along with them, James then replies to Jessie, "Yeah... and it also ended storytime." "Well dis is a tale dat always comes back en never seems tuh end as long as da twoips is around...", quips Meowth.

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaaiin"... and also at the same time.. "Delibirdiiiii"... "Woooooobbuuhh"

"Hmm.... it's always good to see them going again", comments Brock welcoming the recurring tale of TR exits. "You know... Team Rocket could've avoided much of their debt woes had they used the financial strategies that I used to handle my expenses during the Johto leagues", Justin then tells them. "What kind of strategy are you talking about, Justin?", asks Misty.

Here's Wagon Tale #7... as told by Justin

"At one point in my journey, I got carried away at times and built up hundreds of dollars in credit card charges. But luckily, I had American Express... the best card you could eeeever have", starts Justin as we see images of him eating, training his pokemon, and wooing some ladies at a club. ....and you wonder why he had debt problems?... "Their bill collecting company let me combine all my charges from different cards together and it also helped me to cut my interest rates in half. Thus, it only took me a few weeks to pay it off...... and without any Delibirds on my tail to boot", finishes Justin concluding the briefest tale of the day.

"I guess you could call that a 'feather' in your cap", PUN-ishes Misty. This cheap joke makes the twerps laugh out until Brock quickly tells Misty, "No more puns, that was really corny." "And particularly since we sat through all of Team Rocket's puns as well", adds Crystal as Sandshrew confirms her request. "Agreed", answers Misty very understanding of the situation.

<cue commercial> Who's that pokemon?? (This pokemon looks like it's made of Nickelodeon Gak and its head looks like it's on fire.)

It's Slugma!! .................................. <slowly and deeply> "Sluuugmaaa!"

"PEWTER CITY GYM, NEXT STOP!", shouts the driver. "There it is, yo", Cris-tal points out to Sandshrew and Pikachu. "Phew! I'm finally glad to be back home... especially with my sweet rosy red girl of my dreams... delicious as always just like a crumb cake", Brock says. "Oh Brocky... you're more appeasing than a biiig chocolate sundae. I just can't wait for our next rock solid date with my supercute dream prince...", answers Janelle before Misty can't take anymore and drags the two of them apart by the ear. "Save your admirations for the actual date... seriously now people!", comments Misty lacking the energy to be mad like in the Togepi days.

So then the twerps get off the wagon as Brock pays the tab for the whole ride being that he's such a winning gentlemen (at least now he is). And we leave for now with the image of Crystal, along with Pikachu and Sandshrew, next to Brock as they both stare determinately at the gym facade which looks like a quarry. Now Crystal has a chance to win badge #6, but what new tricks might Brock have up his sleeve to try and lead Cris-tal and her pokemon into a pitfall. And yes gentle dodgers, Brock still has more surprises in store for our faithful threesome. I mean, my GOD, he actually scored a bitch!! Who knows what else can he possibly pull off during Crystal and company's visit?