Dragonitemare presents

Pokemon Crystal series

Ep. 8

You will recall that Ash had the match won with a little bit of assistance from TR last time. But Ash, being the bonehead that he is, fell for the pitfall of upholding the honor of the Johto league and crap like that and demanded that the match started again. And of course, the match restarted with Pikachu vs. Dragonite which Dragonite won. And thus, that is how Ash used his hardhead to give away a match.

But then a horny Misty came up to Ash saying how brave it was for him to do that. And thus, that's how Ash lost and perhaps won in the same night.

And that leads us to the next morning in the Pokemon Center. Justin is there along with Ash & co. when Nurse Joy comes out and says that Dragonite's wing will be okay for tonight's final match and that the rest of his pokemon are reenergized. "Great! Thanks Nurse Joy!", says Justin with somewhat of a twinkle in his eye.

Brock then rushes over to Nurse Joy and shouts, "That's great but I won't be okay until you tell me that you and I together will be not just okay but perfect until the end of time... and also..." before Misty drags him off. "Come on and let's be a good boy..... like Tracey", says Misty while Tracey is over sketching Nurse Joy and her various features.

I guess this is just a display of the good, the goofy, the secretive (and the blockheaded if you include Ash.) when it comes to our straight male characters and women.

"You know I feel so bad about what happened last night.", says Justin. "It's nothing.... don't worry about it.", says Ash who obviously did more than compete in a pokemon match last night, "Just make sure to win this one for me."

Selfish little bastard....

"Sure.... no problem", replies Justin. "Buuttt..... I could only imagine who your opponent or what kind of powerful pokemon you could be up against." says Ash. "And this trainer must be extraordinary to make it to the Johto league finals." observers Tracey who is very observant about everything being a pokemon observer.

<cue intro>

"Hmmm.... I guess I'll have to find out who my opponent is when everyone else does", says Justin. "All I heard about him is that his name is Lawrence.", says Brock. They continue to talk about the match while we see Ash's pokemon playing around for the amusement of the evil Togepi. Justin says he hopes he can get more information and then he probably gets sick of being around such perverts and says he has to get ready for his match.

Meanwhile, we see ABC's Johto coverage is still on with Al Michaels and Kurt talking a little about this Lawrence character. But before we can hear their "analysis", we hear a woman angrily shout, "How dare that old arrogant punk fire us!" Yep, it be Jessie and TR who are at this diner getting something to eat.

"Hey Jess don't worry about it! We're too good to be doing stupid pokemon announcing." consoles James. Meowth then adds, "And hey, we got a big enough paycheck to fill up on dat buffet. And den later on.... we'll fill up on dis guy's pokemon since he's supposed to be da best traina in da land." "Aha!", laughs Jessie in her trademark laugh, "We certainly have a full plate on our hands. I'm going to have a huge banana split as my meal.", as we go to see Jessie drooling in front of an enormous banana split.

Meowth then dreams, "I'm goin ta have a big stacka fishcakes." James then fantasizes saying, "And I'll have a delectable succulent cheesecake!", uses all the gay adjectives he could possibly use. Then he turns and Victreebel has his head as a sort of meal as it does its ultracool shriek. James then begs and screams for it to get off of him. It finally does as the waitress, who looks like she was Olivia Newton-John from the movie Grease, serves them their meals. TR is excited over the food as they dig in.

Meanwhile back at their villa, Ash and Co. are just hangin out. "Got those tickets for the match professor?" asks Mrs. Ketchum. Of course if the kids weren't around.... she would ask him the question very differently. Oaky replies that he does while Ash, who just lost not even 24 hours ago is psyched to go to the stadium of his ultimate disappointment.

He's packing all of his items for the match as if he were a 5 year old boy going to a baseball game. "Well Pikachu... I'm bringing my camera and plenty of film so I can take a lot of pictures at the Johto match. I'm also bringing a super-size bag of popcorn, a six-pack of kiwi iced tea, my official Johto league shirt, Hoothoot shorts, Gyarados pennant, and some Dragonite orange face paint. You think I'm ready for the match?", states Ash.

Now of course we all know that the answer is...... HELL NO! Wait......... you didn't know that? Bad, bad, BAD reader...... BAD!

But when Ash turns to Pikachu, he notices Pikachu who is struggling with 75 roles of film that his master forced him to retrieve. No, no, no! Ash didn't make Pikachu his slave.......... at least not on purpose. Meanwhile, Tracey and Brock are peeping inside Ash's room while he's changing.

Ok! You can keep your mind in the gutter for now cuz that's where Brock and Tracey's minds are. "Ummmm....... do you think we should tell him that they won't allow him to bring in all that stuff?, asks Tracey silently watching the boy emotionally cripple himself. "Nah, knowing him like I do, I think he won't feel like carrying half of that stuff.

And behind door number 2, we see Misty also just changed into attire for the match.... and now..... she's serves its master Togepi as its cleaning and dressing up Togepi for its International Brotherhood of Pokemon meeting at the stadium. Misty then says to Togepi, "Now, you don't do anything bad during the match tonight Togepi.", who roars back, "Toge-toge-prii. (Yeah...... right.)"

And behind door number 3 is Old Man Oak and Mrs. Ketchum. Apparently, they are having another nooner. However, we are never shown what's behind door number.

So there you go...... take your pick. Door #1! Door #2! Or Door #3! What'll it be, huh?

We are then taken to a dark, dimly lit apartment where this mysterious man with a deep voice is. He looks at this card that we can't see and then proclaims, "At last.... after all my perils and failures, my day of destiny has finally come." He then stands up and proclaims further, "This is going to be the key to my Johto League victory.......... and I will become the best pokemon master........ EVER!!!"

"And I want you to prepare for trouble!", shouts Jessie as a spotlight gets real bright by the doorway.
"And I think we should make it double!", shouts James as another spotlight shines at the door and two silhouettes appear.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love"
"To extend our reach to the stars above", as they step out of their shadows.
"Jessie"
"James"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight"
"Meowth, that's right" as Meowth gets pushed aside by Wobbuffet out of nowhere.
"Wobb", happily adds Wobbuffet before Jessie shoves it aside.

"So.... the infamous Team Rocket has paid me a visit", says the man whom you've probably identified by now as Lawrence. "Yeah.... and we gotsya a proposal.", says Meowth. "That's right, Meowth.", confirms Jessie, "We propose that while you and that twerp are battling tonight, we go underground and dig up and trap the twerp's pokemon."

She starts to continue until she stops to state, "Hey.... you look very familiar....." But then Lawrence interrupts to stumble, "Uh, I probably do..... people say I look familiar." "That's probably because you're as popular and as famous as us", squeals James before Meowth scratches his face saying that this isn't the time to be silly.

Lawrence then continues, "Do whatever you want..... Just don't get in my way!!!! Understood??", as he points boldly at TR. "No problem..... just one thing though", hesitates Jessie, "May we use one of your special capture orb thingies for that twerp's pokemon? We would really be most grateful if you find it in the kindness of your heart to lend us one.", as we see Jessie in a nun outfit praying with tears pouring down her face.

"Yeah..... especially since we're all out of kindness in our hearts", rants Meowth. Lawrence though actually agrees since he doesn't have any real sympathy towards his opponent. TR thanks him and dashes off. "Ahahahaha. Dat idiot tinks we're after that twoips pokemon but what he don't know is dat we weally are afta his pokemon.", brags Meowth.

And with that..... we are taken to the stadium in the twilight for the final Johto match for the championship. We see Ash and Co. in the stands with Ash carrying at least some of the stuff he planned to bring. Misty is next to him with Togepi in a specially made pouch designed for leeching. "I thought you said you were going to bring popcorn?", asks Misty towards Ash.

Ash responds, "It's coming..... see?", as he points to Pikachu trying to drag the popcorn down the stairs as it pikas all the way down.

Remember, Pikachu is not enslaved........................................... on purpose.......!

"And I oughta pop you for making Pikachu do that." snaps Misty. "Well..... uh I couldn't carry all of it." mutters Ash. Justin then comes on the field as he is greeted with cheers by Team Toyboy. "Win this one for everyone back home", yells a smiling Brock who perhaps is yelling at him for suggestive reasons.

Then the official announcer annouces the opponent who then comes out shocking Team Twerp. "Hey!", shouts Ash in shock, "Isn't that the guy who tried to capture Lugia and almost destroyed the world?" "Hey! I think your right.", shouts an equally shocked Misty, "Good thing you were able to stop him from achieving that." "What are you talking about?", asks Brock who at the time of the ultimate dodgy tale was busy with that big-breasted drunk Prof. Ivy.

Misty briefly talks about how the legendary birds were wreaking havoc on the Orange Islands and how Ash used these orbs to save the planet. Then Brock remembered that he did hear something about that and saying he must've been caught up in another thought.

Like the thought of those tits of that drunken slob Prof. Ivy.

"I wonder what he's been doing to get here.... and how good is he really as a pokemon trainer?", shouts Ash. "Oh I'm sure his training skills are second to none." replies Oaky. Justin and Lawrence then greet each other, wish each other luck and what not. The ref that always appears for each match goes over and explains the rules and we see the field. It's a normal field that has a pool so water pokemon can battle, too.

After a tense moment of anticipation from Ash, Misty, Justin, and the rest of the fans, the championship match begins. "Nidoqueen go!", shouts Justin. "So he goes with his Nidoqueen.... fine, then I'll go with Venomoth!" calmly states Lawrence III.

Justin then tells Nidoqueen to bring the match to them calling for a mud-slap. But Lawrence III has Venomoth use double team and it leaves Justin gasping in the awe of Venomoth. Who yo daddy Justin?

Lawrence then commands it to use stun spore to paralyze Nidoqueen. Venomoth then damages Nidoqueen with a psybeam and Justin is left desperate. He tells Nidoqueen to hurry and use thunder but Lawrence III's Venomoth is quicker to the punch and knocks out Nidoqueen with a wing attack.

The ref calls Nidoqueen out of the match after getting its ass completely and utterly handed to him on a stick as Justin calls back Nidoqueen. Team Toyboy is stunned with how easily Justin got defeated in the first battle, especially Pikachu as it leaves it jaw open. Brock even goes so far as to say, "I don't even think he can win this one." Ash immaturely replies, "Justin will find a way.... I know he has to."

Justin meanwhile is meditating over how he's getting his ass kicked so far. He then gets into a scary and concentrated zone, "All that defeat helped me to do was make me focus.......... now .............................. the match will REALLY begin!"

<cue commercial>

The loudmouthed announcer claims that Lawrence looks like he has a huge advantage in ability which leaves his opponent Justin in real peril.

"Looks like its time to go a different direction for now.", says Justin, "Go Hoothoot!" Lawrence III is somewhat puzzled at the decision to go with a measly Hoothoot. And then he tells Venomoth to use toxic which Hoothoot flies around to avoid. Lawrence is impressed at the quickness of Hoothoot and then tells Venomoth to use stun spore.

Hoothoot whirls it away with gust though and it avoids the stun spore to the shock of Lawrence III. Justin then commands it to attack with a peck attack. Justin then shouts at it, "Now let's win this one..... hypnosis!" Hoothoot flashes its eyes to try to put Venomoth to sleep but Lawrence has it use safeguard to keep it protected. "Uh oh! That's no good!", says Justin who then yells at Hoothoot to use a flying tackle.

Hoothoot's tackle knocks down Venomoth and Justin jumps right on the opportunity and tells Hoothoot to use confusion. The attack affects Venomoth as he charges at Hoothoot and it slams down and is unable to battle. The crowd roars again as Ash tells the rest, "See? I told you Justin has the ability to win this."

Lawrence then gets a stern look on his face and tells Justin that Hoothoot is very impressive...... but it's about to meet its match. He then sends out a Vaporeon to deal with Hoothoot. The ref then announces that the next match will be Vaporeon vs. Hoothoot. Hoothoot tries to dive bomb Vaporeon but Vaporeon gets in the water at the command of Lawrence III and uses acid armor to blend in with the water so Hoothoot can't hit it. Justin and Hoothoot are concerned since they're helpless at the moment.

Justin then gets an idea and yells at Hoothoot to use its confusion on the entire pool. The attack exposes and affects Vaporeon to the delight of Team Twerp in the stands and Ash with his Hoothoot pennant flying. I guess he don't wanna grow up and be a Toys R Us kid the rest of his life.

Hoothoot then further affects Vaporeon with a flying tackle sending it out of the pool. Lawrence then tells Vaporeon to use an ice beam as the crowd roars on. Justin yells for Hoothoot to look out but it takes a direct hit and spirals to the ground. Lawrence III then tells Vaporeon to use another ice beam and freeze it. But Justin can't stand the thought of that and yells at Hoothoot to return before that can happen.

After some more yelling by the announcers, Justin talks about how how he can match Vaporeon's water power and calls out Gyarados to battle Vaporeon. The annoying announcer then yells out the next battle and the winner of a contest where the winner gets $500 and free food.

Then we are taken outside the stadium where TR is hatching their plan. They explain their plan using colorless pencil diagrams with outlines of TR's hairstyles. Meowth explains, "We dig undaground and make our way to da inside from undaneath. Den, we sneak up bahind dat guy.... and while he ain't lookin', we use dis doodad to capture his super powaful pokemon!"

"Hooray!", shout Jessie and James. "Then let's get DOWN to business.", says James. They then begin to dig a big hole outside the stadium to get inside the stadium.

"Vaporeon, get in the water and use acid armor again." calmly commands Lawrence III. Vaporeon then disappears and Gyarados can't find it and it is assaulted with an ice beam from behind. Justin then yells at Gyarados that it's behind it. Gyarados then attacks it with a couple of take downs to startle it and Lawrence then gets flustered somewhat.

Lawrence then says that it's time to switch gears and then tells it to use a shadow ball. The attack nails Gyarados and forces him out of the pool. "Oh no! Gyarados can't move when it's out of water...... Justin has to call it back.", yells Misty. "You're right.", agrees Brock.

But Justin does not call back Gyarados and he instead tells it to use dragon rage even though Misty mentioned that Gyarados are unaffective in water. But Gyarados is able to get a vertical base out of the water and blast Vaporeon with a dragon rage. "Unbelieveable!", shouts a shocked Lawrence, "Don't give in yet, Vaporeon!" But Vaporeon is done after the dragon rage attack and it is unable to battle.

Team Toyboy cheers Justin's victory in shocked fashion. "I couldn't believe that Gyarados pulled that off.", shouts a stunned Ash. "I can't believe Tracey pulled off this sketch", states Misty monotonously as we see a sketch of the exact moment where Gyarados got blasted by a shadow ball and we also see Officer Jenny in the background. "I like any sketch whenever it has Officer Jenny in it.", states Brock with a love-struck goofy look on his face.

Lawrence then looks straight at Justin while he concentrates on his next selection and then he throws out his next pokeball all while the annoying announcer yells out needless information that we already know. He throws out the next pokeball and it turns out to be a Bellossom.

After another downplaying of Justin's pokemon by Brock...(Hmmm, I'm starting to get the feeling that Brock does not like Justin since he feels that Justin's getting a kind of big brother status with Ash which somewhat overshadows Brock's mother status)...Lawrence III tells Bellossom to use giga drain and Justin tells Gyarados to escape by diving underwater.

Justin then yells at Gyarados to pop out and use fire blast and it toasts Bellossom. It stops and burns Bellossom whose hurt badly but still in the match and Lawrence III calmly tells it to use its ice berry to heal the burn. Justin then tells Gyarados to use another fire blast but Bellossom dodges it and uses a sunny day attack so there's some sunlight it can use.

Justin yells at Gyarados to hurry and get underwater again while Lawrence III tells Bellossom intuitively to use solar beam and it blasts Gyarados before it can escape and Gyarados suffer a lot underwater before it comes belly up unable to battle. The crowd gets louder as the championship match starts getting toward the end.

Justin then meditates about his next decision despite the raucous crowd and comes up with his next pokeball. And that is exactly when................. we are taken to TR who is digging underneath the stadium as Team Toyboy shouts like drunk morons at a Philadelphia Flyers game.

"Ugh. When are we ever going to make it to the stadium surface?", moans Jessie in a sexy manner. Meowth snaps, "Well you're makin dis a drag because you can't really dig!" "Well someone could be doing much better digging as well!", responds Jessie loudly. Out pops Wobbuffet with a loud "WWOOOBBBBUUUUHHHHHH" to TR's shock. Jessie then grabs it and yells at it, "If you can't dig then at least hibernate in your pokeball."

The ground then rumbles and Jessie then asks Wobbuffet, "Did you do that?" It then rumbles again and James then shrieks in fright, "Jessie it's a sinkhole!" "And it's right unda uuuuuuusssss!", adds Meowth as we see our heroes starting to sink. "I guess this means.....", utters Jessie in despair.

"Looks like Team Rocket's sunk agaaaaaaaaiiiiin!!!" as we see them fall with one last shot up Jessie's skirt as she falls.

Oooooooooooohhhh what a great shot...... and to think, all that championship battling overshadowed by voyeuristic shot of Jessie. And then it's punctuated by Wobbuffet "Wobbuhhhhhh."

"I choose you!", shouts Justin as we return to the match and out pops a Quilava. Learning disabled Ash can't recognize the similar features between Justin's Quilava and his Cyndaquil. So he whips out his interactive tutor (or the closest thing he has to it) Dexter and it tells him that Quilava is the evolved form of Cyndaquil and it explains some other things about it that we won't get into.

You know... like how fast it run the 100 m. and its horniness index........ important stuff.

"So that's what Cyndaquil evolves into...", mutters the crack baby unable to figure out something so obvious just by looking at it. But you know what, if he could realize that, he wouldn't be Ashton Ketchum.

Lawrence tells Bellossom to use another solar beam but Justin has Quilava use protect to keep Bellossom from hitting its attack. Justin then tells Quilava that Bellossom is tired and to hit it with quick attack head-on. It assaults the walking flower a couple of times but Lawrence steadily tells Bellossom to attack with petal dance.

Petal dance knocks down Quilava but Justin has it get up before it does too much damage. It then yells at Quilava to use flame wheel which burns up Bellossom and then it gives the plant/animal thingy one last tackle to knock it out making it the winner of the match.

After some more yelling by the announcer, Prof. Oak tells the twerp team that it's about halfway through the match. Tracey then adds, "Well.... I don't see any clear cut winner so far." "The only things that is clear is that it may come down to which pokemon each trainer has left.", says Brock. Togepi then roars with a laugh warning them about what it might do if it feels threatened which sounds to them like, "Toge-toge-prii."

The announcer then yells out asking everyone what will be the difference in this match. Lawrence holds up his mysterious ancient Mew card saying, "This will be the difference...." The match then resumes and Lawrence sends out Gengar. "A Gengar.... well Quilava can take the heat being a fire pokemon.", says Justin in his reaction.

"How are you taking the heat, Pikachu?", says Ash moronically as he gobbles down on his popcorn. Pikachu replies with an energetic, "Pika!" while having some orange face paint on and it seems to like it.

You know..... it's one of those things where 5 year old kids get their faces all painted up except here, its the painted faces of Pikachus which are popular as we see this girl in front of Ash gushing at coot widdle face painted Pikachu. Let that be a lesson that cute pets can get you ALL the women whereas Brock had that nasty looking Vulpix which could only drive women away.

Justin tries to have Quilava use protect to try and block Gengar's fire blast but the attack goes right through the force field and damages Quilava. Justin then retaliates by having his pokemon use strength which stops Gengar for a moment.

Lawrence, who's been standing in the spot the entire battle (which is kind of creepy.... maybe he should've switched personalities and acted this way in Pokemon 2000), says to Gengar to use a rock slide. And the attack severely cripples Quilava. Justin then has Quilava use another quick attack and it hits the fire slug thingy a couple of times before it is knocked out of the match with a swift attack.

Justin then goes into deep concentration again as it comes up with the next pokemon for battle. Tracey thinks he'll go with Kabutops for this match but Justin instead sends out Hoothoot again. "Why would he send out Hoothoot again now..... especially when it's so weak?", asks a clueless Misty who is at an all-time low for intelligence from Togepi turning its leeching power into overdrive today. Brock responds unsure but saying sternly that he must have a plan.

Gengar tries another flamethrower but Hoothoot sends it right back to sender with confusion to the dismay of Lawrence III. Clueless Ash then asks what he just saw and Tracey tells him that Hoothoot used its confusion attack. "Are you sure?", replies Ash with pennant still in hand sounding dumber by the second. Tracey responds, "Ash... I'm a pokemon watcher, I know what I saw. And I think I'm also forseeing Hoothoot finish off Gengar since its confusion is so powerful. I should've known that Hoothoots are great against ghost pokemon"

"I guess it pays to have Tracey's view." pun-ishes Ash as Pikachu adds a Pika.

But Lawrence III is not just going to let Gengar just stand there and go down.... he then tells it to self-destruct. "SELF-DESTRUCT??!!!", shouts Team Twerp and Justin. Justin yells at Hoothoot to get away as Gengar starts to flash and then ..........................................KABOOM!!!! Gengar is covered in a giant pile of smoke which Hoothoot can't fly away from.

Team Toyboy looks on in shock and wonder (even Togepi) as both pokemon take the brunt of the damage.

So could Hoothoot possibly find a way to escape this attack? And who will win the big champioship match? The shocking conclusion to the match and maybe we'll measure the horniness index of Houndoom and the Dodgemasters .............. next time!!!