EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE BRITNEY

Jessie growled like a maniac, “Togepi!!!  Do something!!!”
Togepi thought for a moment and remembered it was small enough to crawl through the ventilation system.
He quickly poke-squealed, “Jessie, pull off the screen so I can crawl in!!!”
“Good idea!!!”
Togepi crawled into the vent and made his way towards the weird sex music.  Sextoshi-Ash and Misty danced continuously, while a horny Ash unfastened her suspenders and a tipsy Misty passed him the bottle of wine juice cooler.  Since Misty never had an alcoholic beverage in her life, even the smallest amount of alcohol was starting to have major effects.  Jessie listened while they fumbled around with the wine bottle...

“Try some of my juice, Ashy...hic!”
“Is it tasty?!”
“wuhh...I’ve got the tastiest juice in town...”
“Okay, let me pop it open...”
“Be gentle, Ashy...*hic*, it’s the first time it’s been popped!!!  Tee-hee!!!”
POP!!!...
“How is it?”
“Really sour and ripe...*hic* what’s its age?!”
“Fourteen and still fresh...mmm....uhhh....Ash!!!  Don’t spill it all over the bed!!!”
“Oops!!! It slipped off my hands, Mist.  It’s pretty slippery...
“...*hiccup* well squeeze it tight and push your mouth into it!!  And don’t try sticking your finger in the hole!!!  Use your mouth and suck it up!!!”

Jessie’s jaw DROPPED, FACEFAULTED, TURNED BLUE, and YELLED like a maniac, “DAMMIT, OUR SHOW’S DEFINITELY GONNA GET CANCELED, THE WORLD’S ABOUT TO COME TO AN END AT THE HANDS OF A GAY PURPLE DINOSAUR, AND I’LL DIE A VIRGIN, BUT MISTY WON’T!!!  IT’S JUST NOT FAIR!!!  WHERE THE HECK IS JAMES???!!!”
A voice came out from behind her, “You rang, Jess?!”
“Huh? James?!”
Another voice came out, “That’s right!!!”
“Meowth?!”
James pulled out a rose and struck his pose, “Prepare for...*BANG!!!*...TrOubLe?!  Ooh...”
Jessie smacked him on the head, “HOW DARE YOU LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING ME?!  DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENED SINCE YOU LEFT?!”
James girlishly squealed, as always, “The end of the world?!”
“EXACTLY!!!  NOT ONLY THAT, BUT THE TWERPS ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS DOOR ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING ONLY WE ADULTS SHOULD BE DOING!!!”
“Umm, crossdressing?!”
Jessie’s head grew large and flames flew out of her mouth, “NO, YOU BIRDBRAIN!!!  “S-E-X”....SEX!!!”
James nonchalantly groaned and put his hand up to his chin, “Well I’m not surprised.  Those two do like to share the same bed...”
“YOU IDIOTS!!! DON’T JUST STAND THERE!!!  HELP ME GET THIS DOOR OPEN OR WE’LL BE OUT OF A JOB AND MAY HAVE TO FIND A NEW ANIME TO STAR ON!!!  WE HAVE TO STOP THEM OR THE CIA WILL ARREST THE AUTHOR FOR WRITING FANFIC KIDDIE PORN, AND MAYBE EVEN WORSE!!!”
Meowth murmured, “What could be worse?!”
“NAMBLA RECRUITMENT!!!”
Everyone yelled, “CHARGE!!!”

Brock and Allen locked weapons, glaring at each other while Sailor Mars dodged Pegasus’s atomic farts.  MiniMoon was riding on top of Pegasus and jamming Mexican beans down his throat for maximum fart power.
Pegasus neighed, “AWW, WILBUR!!!  DON’CHA HATE IT WHEN PIGS FART DURING ANAL??!!!”  PPPHHHHHFFFFRRRRTTTT.....
Sailor Mars yelled too late, “Brock, don’t sniff in any of that...uh-oh...”
Brock caught a whiff of Pegasus’s fart and the dire side effects started quickly, “wuhh...GRRR!!!  You know somethin’ brother?!  WHAT’CHA GONNA DO WHEN BROCK SLOGAN AND ALL THE BROCKOMANIACS RUN WILD ON YOU???!!!”
“Dear Jesus, his intelligence has been reduced to that of a younger Hulk Hogan...” Sailor Mars sighed.
MiniMoon yelled, “Allen, don’t take in any of Pegasus’s fart!!!  It has the ability to warp personalities!!!” but only too late.
Allen caught a whiff of Pegasus’s fart and, “GRRRR!!!!  I PITY DA’ FOO’!!!  WHERE’S MY GOLD CHAINS?!  DID PRINCE VAN RIP ‘EM OFF?!  I ONLY GOT ONE PREDICTION FOR HIM!!!  PAIN!!!
“Mr. T,” Sailor Mars groaned, but thought, “Hey!!!  If Allen got knocked out of Barney’s mind control by Pegasus’s fart, then maybe...”
MiniMoon and Pegasus’s attention was caught by a waving Sailor Mars, “Hey Rini, you tiny-titted, repressively horny reject from a Cardcaptors lesbian Christmas special!!!  I’m over here!!!”
“There she is, Pegasus!!!  Aim an atomic fart at her now!!!”
“OKAY, WILBUR!!!”
“Don’t call me ‘Wilbur’!!!”
PPHHHFFFRRRTTTTT...
Just as the fart’s smell was about to reach Sailor Mars, she quickly counterattacked, “MARS STAR POWER!!!”
The flame ignited the fart, sending everyone back and flooding the local area with the scatty aroma of horse fart.  Everyones’ personality was warped, but nonetheless, all of Barney’s minions reverted back to normal.

Sextoshi-Ash finally got a hold of the slippery wine cooler bottle and chugged some down.  All of a sudden, his supernatural powers came back and with the strength of a horny Tauros, ripped off the chastity belt.
Misty drunkenly rejoiced, “It’s off!!!  Now we can...get it on...”
Sextoshi-Ash flexed his muscles and smirked, “Let me show you how I handle my ‘pokeballs’...”
But, just as the possessed Ash was unzipping Misty’s shorts, Togepi busted through the vent shaft, right square in between Ash and Misty.
Misty blushed and Sextoshi-Ash shivered in fear while they both yelled, “TOGEPI!!!”
Jessie heard them yell and thought to herself, “Yelling out Togepi’s name during sex?!  That’s sick!!!”
“We can’t do this.  Not in front of Togepi...” Misty frowned, but noticed Sextoshi-Ash was frightened for some reason, “What’s wrong, Ash?!  Why are you acting scared?!”
Sextoshi-Ash cried in fear, “NO!!!  IT IS CROUCHING TOGEPI, DISCIPLE OF HIDDEN PIKACHU!!!”
Togepi started glowing, struck kung-fu poses, and pokespoke, “I am Crouching Togepi, disciple of Pi Chu Bai, bearer of the sword Green Crescent, who resides in Chu Dan Mountain.  I was trained in the art of “Egg Fu Yung” for the purpose of defending semi-pubescent redheaded maidens from sex-crazed deities.  Release Ash from possession or face my yolky wrath!!!”
(A/N The movie “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” sucked in my opinion BTW, and since I didn’t get a refund for watching that piece of crap, this is my vengeance...)

Meanwhile, Jigglypuff and Barney were still hovering in mid-air.  Jigglypuff charged up and unleashed its ultimate attack,
“KA-ME-PUFF-E HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Barney got hit with the full force of the “Kamepuffeha” technique and got disintegrated.
“TAKE ‘DAT YOO POORPLE PEESE OF TYRANITAUR CRAPP!!  HAAAA!!!!.......EH?!”
Jigglypuff noticed that little by little, a small purple blob started growing and growing, until it became a recognizable form. Barney had reconstructed himself.
“SONUVABEETCH!!!  BARNEEY EES UNHOLY!!!”
“UH-HOHO!!!  NOTHING CAN STOP ME AND...DON’T FORGET TO WATCH BARNEY ON PBS!!!”
(A/N Grr...don’t plug your gay ass show on my fic...That’s it...you’re gonna suffer for that one...)

Misty looked on as Togepi beat the crap out of Sextoshi-Ash, “Go gentle on him, Togepi!!!  Ouch, that looked like it hurt.”
Sextoshi groaned, “You fight well, but there is no way you will tear me away from Ash’s body!!!”
All of a sudden and right on cue, Team Rocket busted in through the steel door (don’t ask me how they did it) and quickly covered their hands with their eyes.
“Okay now...put your clothes back on and come back to the studio with us.  KidsWB need never know about your raunchy sexual escapades!!!” Jessie giggled nervously.
Misty gushed, “You retards!!!  Nothing happened!!!”
James questioned, “Nothing?!”
“Yes, nothing!!!”
“Gee, you two have a lot of restraint!!!”James blurted out.
“Why you?!!!” Misty growled, pouncing right on James’s back and unleashing her sexual frustrations by pounding mercilessly on his head.
Pikachu ran in and pokespoke, “Is Ash okay?!  Is Misty pregnant?!”
“Sextoshi is not letting Ash go!!!  Do something, Hidden Pikachu!!!”
Pikachu scratched his head, “Hidden Pikachu?!  Oh yeah, that’s my cue!  *clears throat* There is only one way of getting rid of sex deities, Crouching Togepi!!!”
“And what is that, master?!”
“I call it the “Hanging Onix” technique, perfected by the Chu Dan for thousands of years.  It must only be used only in the direst of circumstances!!!”  Pikachu struck a fighting stance before the possessed Ash as Misty, Togepi, and Team Rocket looked on and witnessed, and later would come to regret witnessing...the “Hanging Onix” technique.  In a quick movement faster than a humping Sneasel, Pikachu lifted the fur around his crotch and...

Everyone one of our heroes jaws dropped to the ground as Pikachu unleashed his lunchbox of love before their eyes.
Misty turned white(whiter than usual), “PIKACHU’S A...BOY!!!”
Togepi’s eyes grew wide, “Now I know why he calls himself “hidden” Pikachu...”
Meowth stared, “Why do I feel so sexually inadequate right now?!”
James tried to keep himself from fainting, “It’s longer than his tail!!!”
Jessie sweatdropped, “Our contract with KidsWB is doomed!!!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Sextoshi screeched, unable to contain the shock, the sheer horror of viewing pokegenitals.  Pikachu completed his final technique, and the spirit of Sextoshi died, and little by little, Ash started coming back, “Whoa, wuhh....what happened?!  Misty?!  Pikachu?!”
“Ash, you’re back!!! *hic*...oops, still a little drunk,” Misty yelled as she ran to him and gave him a huge hug.
“Gee, Misty.  I didn’t know you wore Psyduck-print panties,” noticing her shorts were still unzipped.
Misty blushed violently, zipped her fly, and noogied the hell out of Ash, “GRR!!!  Why must you say the most inappropriate things during our most heartfelt moments???!!!”
“Don’t wear that thing on our honeymoon.  A picture of Psyduck on your crotch’ll turn me off,” Ash groaned.
“WE WON’T HAVE A HONEYMOON UNLESS WE STOP BARNEY, ASH!!!”
“Oh, right!!!”

Our heroes ran out of the Millenium Puffer, looking for their friends and Barney.  Sailor Mars and Brock finally came back to their senses and also joined our heroes.
“Brock!!!  You’re back!!!” Ash exclaimed,“Umm, why are you and Sailor Mars holding hands?”
“SHE JUST AGREED TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!  Either that or Pegasus’s fart warped her mind temporarily, but Minimoon, Pegasus and Allen Sh!@zar are out of commisssion at least.”
Sailor Mars continued, “The explosion of Pegasus’s fart sent all three of ‘em flying somewhere...”
Ash blurted, “Umm, where’d they go?!”

Elsewhere, on a Hollywood set...
(sung to the theme of “Mr. Ed”)
A horse is horse, of course of course
Unless he has wings on his back, of course
That is of course, unless the horse
Is the horny Mr. “Peg”!!!
“AWW, WILBUR!!!  CLOSE THE BARN DOOR!!!  I’M GETTIN' FELLATIO FROM THE CHICKENS!!!”

In a recording studio nearby...
A producer yells out, “Yo, Destiny’s Child!!!  You’re about to have an 18th member. I’ve just discovered her!!!  Meet Rini, Sailor MiniMoon!!!”
Rini yells out, “WHERE’S AARON CARTER!!!  I WANNA PINCH HIS BUTT UNTIL IT'S STRAWBERRY RED!!!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And finally in a porn studio nearby...
“OH...FRANK!!!!”
“OH...GILBERTO!!!”
“CUT!!!” the porn director yelled, “I’m just not feeling it!!!  If this continues, I’ll lose the gay porn market!!!  Dammit, you guys suck!!!  Good homosexual talent just doesn’t fall from the sky!!!”
In that very instant, Allen came crashing through the roof of the porn studio, falling right in between Frank and Gilberto.
Allen clutches his head disoriented, “Where am I?!”
The porn director held his hands in prayer, “THANK YOU GOD!!!  He looks like he could very well revolutionize the art of gay porn!!!  FRANK!!!  GILBERTO!!!  Make love to him in the buttocks on the double!!!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Back in Tokyo...
Misty thoughtfully placed her hand on her chin, “I have a strange feeling those three are being subjected to unimaginable punishments as we speak.  Oh well.  Ash!!!  We have to defeat Barney!!!”
Ash spotted Jigglypuff and Barney fighting in the air and called out, “Jigglypuff, throw his purple butt down here!!!  I’ve got a plan!!!”
“ALRIGHT, ZE ASH!!!” Jigglypuff yelled, “SUPER PUFFERPUNCH ATTACK!!!”
BANG!!!
Barney hurtled down, crashing right in front of our heroes.  Ash yelled,“Okay, everyone!!!  JUMP ‘IM!!!”

...*bang!!!*...OUCH!!!...*swoop!!!*....UH-HOHO!!!...*pow!!!*....*swoosh-ping*....AAAHHH!!!... “Misty, kick Barney in the balls!!!” “Right, Ash!!!”...*ping!!!*...UH-HOOHOOOO!!!@^@!!!...*flip-bamm!!!*...HOO!!!...*baff*
...AAHH!!!... “Where’d you get that gun, James?!” “I found it in Puff Daddy’s car!!!  I wonder if it’s loaded...” “Well, find out!!!”...*bang!!!bang!!!bang!!!bang!!!bang!!!bang!!!click,click*...UH-HOHOOO-OUCH!!!... “It’s loaded, but Barney’s still alive.  Meowth, punch him in the nose!!!”...*pow!!!*...OUCHIE!!!...*bang-pow!!!*...YIEEE!!!!...*crack-bamm!!!*...JUDY!!!!...“Hidden Pikachu!!!, do the ‘hanging Onix’ technique!!!” (everyone who knows about it yells, “NO!!!”)...*poww!!!*...OOOHH!!!... “I VANT A PEESE OF HEEM!!! DIS BE VENGENCE FOR ME MIKE!!!”...*crack-pow-bamm!!!*...YOOOOWWWTCHH!!!...“Smack him with your
pimp cane, Brocky!!!” “Yes, Sailor Mars, my love!!!”...*swoosh-ping!!!*...UH-HOHOHOOOAAAAaaaaaahhhh...
......*thud* (drops to the ground)

Ash, Brock, Misty, Sailor Mars, Jessie, James, Meowth, Pikachu, Togepi, and Jigglypuff were huffing and puffing while Barney twitched in death.  But oddly enough, they quickly took notice of Barney’s head falling off, slowly revealing someone inside Barney’s body.  He was a white male, with short blonde hair which looked bleached.
Everyone yelled simultaneously, “IT’S EMINEM!!!”
“In a Barney suit?!” Ash asked surprisedly.
“You mean we’ve been fighting Eminem in a Barney suit all this time?!” Misty groaned.
Jessie groaned, “It does kind of make sense.  In the last fic, the Backstreet Boys did get killed by Jigglypuff.”
James chimed in, “So it’s only fitting Eminem gets killed in this one...”

All of a sudden, an alien spaceship flew down in front of our heroes and the dead Eminem.  A small band of Barneys came out of the spaceship and all took off their heads, revealing faces that looked exactly like Eminem.  They quickly picked up the dead Eminem and threw him in the spaceship.
The leader of the Eminems came up to Ash and spoke, “I am Faik-As-Gangsta, king of the Barney-worshipping Eminem race from the planet Cornyassripoff.  You and your friends have defeated our champion.  You are truly a hunter and thus you shall receive a reward for your cunning...”  He handed Ash a purple pokeball, “Farewell, and from this day forward, no more Eminems will inhabit Earth.”
Misty looked on as the spaceship left the stratosphere, “So that's where Eminem came from, but I didn’t get what just happened.”
Jessie nudged Misty, “Umm, I think the author just spoofed the movie ‘Predator’ using Eminem,”
“Oh, well, I guess that’s it then.  Happy ending, right Ash?”
“Right!!!”

“STOP RIGHT THERE!!!” Gary busted in out of nowhere, “Ash!!!  I’ve come to claim your love!!!  Come to my bedroom and let us satisfy  our inner homosexual yearnings!!!”
Ash scratched his head,“Well this is an unexpected twist in plot.  I’M NOT GAY!!!.    If you want love, go bother Tracey.  As you can see, I’m quite happy with my hot slice o’ Cerulean bootie right here.”
“Oh, Ashy...” Misty blushed.
“Not so fast!!!” a strange voice came from across the field, accompanied by a mob of mostly girls, with dudes hugging each other holding up rainbow flags.
“Umm. who’re you guys?” Ash said, scratching his head.
A fat chick spoke up, “We are from Palletshippers Worldwide!!!  We are dedicated to promoting the eventual loving relationship between Ash and Gary of Pokemon.  The author of this fanfic has dared to cross us and now we will sabotage the obvious bias this fic has against palletshippers and all homosexuals.”
Misty yelled, “YOU DORKS!!!  CAN’T YOU SEE THAT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL ASH AND GARY ARE EVER GONNA PLAY ‘JAM THE DIGLETT”?  WHAT DISTURBED CORNER OF THE UNIVERSE DO YOU WEIRDOS COME FROM ANYWAY???!!!”
“Umm...San Francisco,” a palletshipper murmured, “and certain parts of Ohio!!!”
All our heroes facefaulted while Ash groaned, “Well that figures...”

“HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!” another voice came from across the wreckage.
“What now...?” Ash groaned, “Giovanni?!”
“And...Britney Spears?!” Misty scowled, “Aren’t you supposed to be dead?!”
Britney cackled, “Heh-heh!!!  I’ve been reborn through the miracle of Team Rocket’s project Xerox and the milky, nutritious fake tits of Giovanni, and the...huh?!”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!” our heroes laughed while rolling on the ground.
“Don’t laugh!!!” Giovanni growled, “It’s perfectly natural for a man to yearn for the intimacy of breastfeeding...eh?!”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!” even the palletshippers were laughing.
Ash scratched his head, “Look everyone.  Me and the gang are pretty tired after narrowly defeating Eminem in a Barney suit and saving the world.  I really wanna go home and maybe buy Misty new underwear.”
“ASH!!!”

The palletshipper leader yelled out, “ NOT SO FAST!!!  We’re the ones who unleashed Barney upon the world!!!  And we’re the ones who commissioned Giovanni to clone Britney Spears using the tissue sample we recovered after Jigglypuff killed her in the last fic!!!  Not only that, we’re also the ones who convinced Gary he was gay by subliminally embedding homosexual messages in his Kenny G CDs!!!”
Misty kept herself from giggling, “I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that Giovanni breastfed Britney Spears, or the fact that Gary listens to Kenny G!!!”
Ash yelled out, “Well, there’s no way I’m gettin’ gay with Gary, so scram!!!”
“i figure you’d say that, so we planned for that,” the leader said while pulling out a raygun, “This is the gayray, a prototypical raygun developed by Team Rocket, Co.  I believe James has experienced it to some degree.”
Jessie looked at James, “It’s true Jess!!!  I was forcibly experimented on, but fortunately they could only get me to crossdress!!!”
“So that explains it” Jessie thought, “But you like girls, right!!!”
“OF COURSE I DO!!!  I THINK ABOUT TOUCHING YOUR BOOBS ALL THE TIME!!!”
Jessie gleamed, “OH JAMES!!!  THAT’S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING YOU’VE SAID TO ME!!!”
“ASH!!!” the palletshipper yelled as she aimed at Ash, “Savor your last moments of heterosexuality!!!  Feel the power of the gayray!!!”
FFFFFWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!
In slow motion, a shockwave of rainbow-colored waves beamed towards Ash.
“AAAAASSSSSHHHH!!!!!.....NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” Misty yelled as she ran up and pushed Ash out of the way.  He fell sideways, but Misty soon found herself bombarded by the waves of the gayray.
Britney got pissed off and tried to take away the gayray from the palletshipper, “SSSTTTOPPP!!!  IIII WWAANT RRREVVVEENNGGEE OONN HHEERRRR!!!”  She finally got hold of the gun, but quickly noticed it was malfunctioning.  Both Misty and Britney were being affected by the rays, until the gun blew up in Britney’s hand, blowing her into little bits.
KABOOOOOOOOOOM!!!...drip...drip...

“EHHH, FATALITEE?!  HAAAAA!!!” Jigglypuff laughed at Britney not dying once, but twice.
“MISTY!!!  Are you okay?!” Ash yelled trying to run to her, but getting held by Gary, “Hey, Gary!!! Get offa me!”
“Aww, look everyone!!!  They’re in love!!!” the palletshippers awed.
Giovanni quickly kidnapped an unconscious Misty and sped back to his chopper, “HAHAHAHAHA!!!  That’s what you get for making fun of my mammary desires!!!”
“MIIIIISSSSSTTTYYYYY!!!!!”

And so our heroes headed in the Millenium Puffer back to Pallet Town after prying Gary off from Ash, and after Jigglypuff, Pikachu, and Togepi killed the palletshipper club for fun.  Ash sat in his living room worried about where Misty was.  Brock and Sailor Mars,  and Jessie and James were making out on a nearby sofa, while Meowth, Pikachu, Togepi, and Jigglypuff were playing poker in the kitchen.  Mrs. Ketchum was nowhere to be found, but left a note on the fridge saying she’ll back from TAE-BOAK® classes around 9 o’clock.  Ash had just bought 500 milk cartons and was individually drawing Misty on each one, with a missing child logo pasted above.
"WHADDYA THINK, GUYS?!  THEY ALL LOOK LIKE HER, RIGHT?!"
Brock mumbled from the side of his mouth, "Umm, no.  Maybe you shoulda just called the milk company and sent them a photo."
James commented, "Bad idea, twerp.  That particular drawing looks like Angelina Jolie.  Instead of a young redheaded virgin, you might end up with an old brunette slut who's sexually experimented with both sexes, her immediate family, and a drunken hic actor."
Brock continued, "That other Misty drawing looks like Rosie O'Donnell.  You might end up with a fat lesbian propagandist of liberal Democrat bullsh!#.  And that one looks like..."
"ALRIGHT!!!  ALRIGHT!!!  I GET THE POINT!!!  *sigh*...oh well, Mr. Mime, turn on the TV will ya'?"
Mr. Mime turned on the TV, only to terrify our heroes beyond belief.

The MTV VJ announced, "And now for the number 1 song in the nation, "Slap Me One More Time" by MISTNEY SPEAROWS!!!
Everyone in the room went, "WHAAAAAAAAATTTT   THEEEEEE   HELLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The video started with a shot of a high school labeled, "Whore Central High School".  Lots of condoms were strewn across the lawn, with men in black thong bikinis and bow ties carrying books to their classes.  The bell rings and out of nowhere, the background music starts and a redheaded girl in Catholic school clothing with a brainwashed look on her face jumps out of the room labeled "Doggystyle 101", and starts singing to someone who looked like a pimp.
(sung terribly and talentlessly to Britney Spears's "Baby One More Time", which is 'terrible and talentless' anyways...)

Oh pimpy, pimpy
How was I supposed to know?
That the money wasn't right here..
Oh pimpy, pimpy
I'm your white trash ho
I know I'm out of sight, yeah
Show me how to get on my knees
Tell me baby 'cause I need to know now, oh because

Chorus:
My horny clients are chasing me
I must confess I wear a weave
When I was born, I didn't have a mind
Obsessed with dollar signs!!!
Bitch slap me, pimp one more time!!!

Oh pimpy, pimpy
The reason I ho is my parents
Boy they got me blinded
Oh greedy pimpy
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
My pregnancy unplanned for!!!
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me pimpy 'cause I need to ho now, oh because

Chorus:
My pimp producers are billing me
I must confess I have fake teats!!!
When I was born, I kinda lost my mind
My mom might do time!!!
Dad, molest me one more time!!!

"I'M GONNA KILL 'EM ALL!!!" Ash growled while being held back by his pals while witnessing Misty being held, spun, and twirled in several suggestively sexual positions by these mostly naked, muscular men while the pimp counted his money.
Brock thought aloud, "That gayray must've implanted part of Britney Spears semi-retarded and horny psychological imprint on Misty's brain!"
With bad timing as always, Jigglypuff busted into the den, "HEY!!!  WE NEED SUM BEER!!!  PIKACHU WANTS TO TEACH US THE SECRET ART OF DRUNKEN BOXING!!!"
"WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" everyone facefaulted and dropped to the ground.
Ash sighed, "Here we go again...wuhhh..."

THE END

CREDITS

Story and script- The edgeknight
Special effects- www.underpaidexploitedchinesepeasantswhoarevictimsofglobalizedtradeandagreedycommunistgovernment.com
Sound- Chansey on Crack Inc.
Choreography-  The Michael Jackson Dance Academy For Cute, Half-Naked Little Boys
Asskissing- Dreamworks, Inc. (they still needed work...)
Catering- Anorexic Snorlax Delicacies of Greater California

(CLIFFHANGER CLIP- In Ash's backyard with truckloads of military cold war surplus...)

"Guys!!!  Take care of the house while me an' Jigglypuff rescue Misty!!!" Ash yelled, not able to get his friends attention, "Will ya quit making out?!"
"RIGHT!!!" everyone yelled.
James sweatdropped, "Ash, don't you think you and Jigglypuff are overdoing it with the weapons?!"
"FLAMETHROWERR..."
"check..."
"QUAD LAUNCHER WEET' NAPALM-LOADED ROCKETS!!!  MYY PERSONAL FAVOREET!!!..."
"check..."
"MINI-GUNN WIT' TUNGSTEN ALLOY-TIPS AT 60 ROUNDS PER SECOND, ZE ASH!!!"
"check..."
"SMITH AND WESSON MODEL I-003 SPERM-GUIDED PENILE DISMEMBERER..."
"oh yeah, check!!!  I'm using that one for those dudes who were touching Misty..."
"MODEEFIED KATANA SWORD WIT' ELECTRIC CURRENT JUST EEN CASE THE DISMEMBERER MALFUNCTIONZ..."
"check...I think that's it Jigglypuff!!!  And now that we modified the Millenium Puffer with land and sea roaming capabilities, we should consider renaming it.  But for now, let's go kick some pop star boo-tay!!!"
Brock interrupted, "Waitaminit, Ash!!!  Did you even bother to check what was in that purple pokeball the alien Eminem race gave you?"
"Oh yeah!!!  Let's see!!!  Pokeball go!!!"
PING-WERRRRRRRRR!!!!.....
"...Ney...Barney...Ney-Barn..."
Ash almost had a heart attack from the sight and said, "OH DEAR GOD NO!!!  I'VE CAUGHT...BARNEY???!!!  THE REAL BARNEY!!!!!!!!"
"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tune in for the final saga of what I call "The Popstarmon Trilogy"...MISTNEY SPEAROWS!!!
Coming next month...