Chapter 1- Descent Into Madness

 The little redhead ran down towards the lone house on Pallet Drive.  She felt guilty for having told her ex-boyfriend and perhaps her greatest crush the most terrible insult she could think of.  As she was closing in on his home, all that was in her mind was the haunting image of Ash’s face when she said, “You’re never gonna become a pokemon master!!!  Grow up and really try to make something of yourself!!!  I’m gone!!!”
 Huffing and puffing, she knocked on the door and Mrs. Ketchum answered.
 “Misty!!!  What are you doing here?!  I thought you and Ash broke up?!”
 “Yeah, we did...but...I...wanted to say I’m sorry and...that I still...”
 Delia Ketchum sternly cut her off, “Well too bad!  He’s not here and even if he was, I don’t think he would want to talk with you,”
 “Mrs. Ketchum, please tell me where he is,” Misty puffed as heart paced from the sprint.
 “Hmm...I wish I could tell you, but...I don’t know where he is,”  Delia said as she let Misty in the house.

 Mr. Mime tidied up the den as Delia and Misty sat down.
 “What do you mean you don’t know where he is, Mrs. Ketchum?” she asked.
 “Well, after you broke it off with Ash, he came home very sad.  I asked him what happened and he told me about your breakup and that he was quitting pokemon training.  Said something about a getting a real job.”
 “Oh, no...what have I done?”Misty asked, feeling even more guilty than before.
 “He left about two weeks ago to find Brock, Tracey, Richie, and strangely enough, he even mentioned Gary.  Something about needing a fifth member, he mentioned.  But I haven’t heard from him since,” Delia said with an ominous tone.
 “Fifth member?  Oh no.  That could only mean???” Misty said, though Delia was clueless as to her deduction.
 Mimie had finished sweeping and grabbed the TV remote, switching on its favorite channel, MTV.
 “Mime, mime!!!”
 Misty had started crying, and Delia quickly went to her side to comfort her, until the VJ announced the most requested song of the night.
 “AWWW YEEAAAHHH!!!  AND NOW, THE MOMENT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING, THE NUMBER ONE SONG IN THE NATION, TONGUE KISS MY TOES, BY THE PALLETSTREET BOYS!!!”
 Misty and Delia simultaneously go, “What the???”

 The TV showed a blown up house surrounded by lots of girls and gay dudes, and out of nowhere a hobo came out.  Ash ripped out of the bum clothes wearing white pants, with a dress shirt completely unbuttoned, exposing his bare chest.
 A drooling Misty and a shamed Mrs. Ketchum said, “OH...MY...GOD...!!!...!!!...!!!”
 Delia attempted to snap Misty out of her lustful trance, but to no avail as she was completely absorbed by Ash’s chest.  She watched on as Ash passed and banged on four trash cans.  Brock, Tracey, Richie, and Gary popped out of the trash cans, dressed similarly, though the sight of Brock’s bare naked chest successfully knocked Misty out of her spell, the repulsion quickly overpowering the lust.  The beat started and Ash opened his mouth, but Misty quickly took notice that Ash’s singing voice didn’t exactly match how he really sounded.

You are my star
You are my wuv
You are my sunshine
You make me happy when you tickle my pet Arcanine

I am your stars
I am your sun
I am your kingdom come
I have some toes that smell like Bellossom

 “Mime, mime-mime!!! (That doesn’t make any goddamn sense!!!)” Mr. Mime exclaimed.
 “GRRRRR!!!  Got that right!!!” Misty said, getting more pissed off by the second, seeing lots of girls and dudes copping a feel of Ash’s butt on the video.
 “ASH!!!  You have brought shame upon the Ketchum name!!!” Delia said with just as much anger as Misty.  Brock and the other boys started the ending chorus.

Tell me why!!!
You don’t wanna kiss my pretty toes?!
Tell me why!!!
I have so many freakin’ hoes?!
Tell me why...you all want to rip off my clothes?!
TOOONGUE KISS MY TOES!!!

 Ash repeated the last line of the song with his “new” voice, “Tongue kiss...myyyyy...toesssss....”
 Mimie shut off the TV in horror as a sense of impending doom filled the den of the Ketchum residence.  Both Misty and Delia held their emotions back, until the doorbell broke the silence.
 DING-DONG!!!
 The two ran to the door and opened it.
 “JIGGLYPUFF!!!” Misty shouted as the little fluffball forced itself inside.  It jumped on the TV and strangely enough started speaking in a voice that sounded like famous tenor Luciano Pavarotti.
 “DUMB REDHEAD, ARE YOU THE ONE WHO BRRROKE UP WITH ZE ASH AND INSSSPIRRRED HIM TO FORM ZE...HOW DO YOU SAY...BOYBAND!!!”
 “Ummm....yeah that’s me...but I didn’t know...” Misty said, astonished that Jigglypuff was able to talk.
 “SHUT UP, WENCH!!!  YE HAVE UNLEASHED UPON ZE WORLD AN UNSPEAKABLE EEEVIL!!!  THE CHOSEN ONE HAS EMBARKED UPON A SINGING CARREER!!!”
 Jigglypuff pulled out a book oddly labeled, Takeshi’s cheesy movie scripts, and pointed to a particular page, “IT IS WRITTEN IN THE PROPHECY OF PUFF, THAT ZE CHOSEN ONE WHO SAVED THE WORLD WITH LUGIA MUST NOT START A SINGING CARREER, LEST THE WORLD SHALL TURN TO MIST”
 Misty said with a questioned look, “But my name’s not “Mist”!  It’s Misty!”
 “WHO GEEVES A FLYING MUK EEF IT’S MEEST OR MEESTY???!!!  I NEED A GIRL CHOSEN ONE AND YOU’LLL HAVE TO DO OR ALL THE FEMINIST GROUPS WILL BE ALL OVER SATOSHI TAJIRI’S ASSS AND SUE NINTENDO TO FREAKIN’ RUBBLE!!!!!”

 Delia said nothing as she ran to the kitchen, searched for an old bottle of Prozac, and speed-dialed Professor Oak’s number for...comfort.  Misty was tugged out of the house by Jigglypuff and forced into a perfectly spherical pink car labeled the Puffmobile.
 “Where are we going!!!” she asked the semi-insane Jigglypuff.
 “WEEE’RE GOING TO FIND THAT EEDIOT AND DESTROY HIS SINGING CARREER!!!  AND III’MMM GOEENG TO KEEK ALL OF DEER ASSES FOR JUMPIN’ ME FOR MY MIIIKKKE!!!”
 They sped off into the sunset, in search of the evil that is the boyband.