Chapter 6- Backstreet's Dead...ALRIGHT!!!

Misty and gang faced a mob of mindless, horny fans.  More than half were men and young boys, while the other half were crazy girls just waiting to rip the clothes off the Palletstreet Boys.  Our scantily-clad heroine, even more scantily-clad than usual, was facing a roaring, wild mess of people.  One wrong move and they might end up *gulp*...jailbait!
“Uhh...they all look really...” Misty sweatdropped.
“...hungry for...” Jessie said, continuing her sentence.
“....rippling, butt-nasty....” Melody cried.
“....sheet-staining, bed-breaking...”Duplica gulped.
“...SEX!!!  HEADS UP, TEAM!!!” Sabrina yelped as she noticed the crowd quickly charging in their direction.
“GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” they all yelled, but Sabrina quickly formed a psychic barrier around the stage, holding them off barely.
Jigglypuff quickly called to Misty, “MEESTY!!!  HURRY UP AND SEENG A SONG!!!  YOUU HAVE TO KEEP DERE MINDS OFFF YOOR BOOTY!!!
“Right, follow my lead girls!!!” Misty and crew sang The Right Stuff by NKOTB, No Scrubs by TLC, Losing My Religion by REM, and It’s Raining Men, by three fat, black chicks whose name escapes me at the moment, but none were able to pacify the horny crowd.
“MEESTY ARE YOU FREAKIN’ CRAZY???!!!  DON’T SEENG IT’S RAINING MEN!!!  EET’S ZE GAY ANTHEM!!!  YOU’LL SEND THEM ON A HOMOSEXUAL FRENZY!!!
Sabrina groaned, about to pass out, “Misty!!!  Jigglypuff!!!  I can hold them off much longer!!!  Do something fast!!!”
Misty gasped, while Jigglypuff frowned, “GUESS EETS FOR ME TO PULL ALL ZE STOPS!!”

Elsewhere, in the subconcious of Ash’s brain, our little sex symbol is trying to get out of La-la land...

“Unnhh...hello?!”
“HELLO, MY LITTLE ASHY!!!  HOW ARE YOU, MY SWEET LIL’ BUNDLE OF BUTT LOVE!  OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!”
“George Michael?!  What are you doing here in my brain?!  Waaaah?!  YOU’RE BUTT-NAKED!!!”
“OH, I’M SORRY!  I WAS AT MY FRIEND SANCHO’S BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I GUESS I FORGOT TO GET DRESSED!  WE WERE BOBBING FOR NUTS AND, OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!”
“I want out of the boyband, George!!!  I need to get out of here!!!”
“MAN, WHY?!  IS IT BECAUSE OF TRACEY’S GRAPHICALLY ILLUSTRATED DRAWINGS OF YOU AND MISTY DOING THE WANKY-WANK 1001 WAYS, OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!”
“NO!!! Well, maybe a little...OKAY, A LOT!!!  But...I really do miss her and she wants to get back together.”
“WELL, OOH...ALRIGHT...I GUESS I CAN’T STAND IN YOUR WAY, BUT PROMISE ME YOU’LL BE COMMITTED AND AT A RESPONSIBLE AGE WHEN YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND DO THE ORANGE ISLAND DOGGYSTYLE TECHNIQUE!!!  I CHOKED MY CHICKEN AT THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?”
Ash puts on grateful, cute boy face and says, “I promise, and yeah, it slipped.  Thanks, but now how do I get outta here?!”
“THAT’S THE PROBLEM.  ONLY THE SACRED SONG OF BUTTOCKS FROM MISTY CAN REVIVE YOU FROM YOUR COMA.  FOR NOW, YOU’RE STUCK IN THE BACK POCKET OF YOUR BRAIN!!!  NO SWEAT!!!  WE CAN PLAY NAKED VOLLEYBALL!!!  IT’S QUITE FUN, MY TASTY, LIL’ JUICE MUFFIN!  OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!”
“WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

Back in the relatively sane world, Jigglypuff threw Takeshi’s script book at Misty, while it was getting mysteriously dressed in the back, and putting on the appropriate soundtrack.
“MEESTY!!!  SEENG ZE SONG ON ZE PAGE WHILE SWINGIN’ YER BUTTCHEEKS!!!  HURRY BEFORE YOU BECOME ZE PRISON BEEF!!!”
“Right!!!  Follow my lead girls!!!  ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!!!....
(A/N Apologies to the person who sang the beautiful song “The Power of One” from the P2K movie soundtrack...but it was just too easy...)

Butts can be a challenge...
Fat chicks just can’t shake it right...
Gay dudes chase it like a Snubble...
Through day...and night...

Kiss it, smack it, slap it...
Boy or girl, it’s really cool...
Naked booties on TV...
Can make you drool...

THE POWER OF BUNS!!!...
There’s no misbelieving!!!
A squeeze and whiff!!!
Can make you quite stiff!!!...
Just like crack cocaine!!!

Ash strangely starts waking up, and by some strange trance, is heading towards centerstage, with the rest of the Palletstreet Boys and Joe following with curiosity.

Don’t crap on your Guess jeans...
While chowing on Texas beans...
And go have some smelly fun...
WITH THE POWER OF...BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNS!!!!!!!!!

Imagine the sight of me!!!
Not wearing my pink undies!!!
And switching my cheeks so free!!!
WITH THE POWER OF BUNS....

Melody pulled out her flute and started playing the flute instrumental part to “The Power of Buns”, while the whole girlband switched their buttcheeks left and right, hypnotizing and soothing the horniness of the crowd.  Misty closed her eyes, actually enjoying the song she was singing, and swayed her tush back and forth, until she felt something bump up against it.
BOINK!
She turned her head around to discover Ash unconsciously hitting his head on her butt.  Blushing, she quickly bent down, and grabbed Ash by the shoulders, “Ash, snap out of it!  It’s me, Misty!!!”
Ash started coming to his senses, kind of, “Uhhh...doggystyle, butterfly, number 69, praying donkey, horny platypus, dyspeptic elephant...I KNOW ALL THE POSITIONS!!! Huh?!  Misty?!”
“Ash, you’re back!!!  I thought I’d never get you back!!!” Misty blushed as she hugged the delirious Ash.
“Ohh...Misty...I thought I’d never see you again...I thought you were George Michael trying to play naked volleyball with me...”
“What?!  Oh...whatever.”

Melody still kept playing her song and switching her butt back and forth, until she too felt something brush up against her butt, “Oh, Ash.  I knew you’d choose me over Misty...Huh?”
“HI, MY NAME’S BROCK, I WOULDA BEEN IN THE 2ND MOVIE AND SWEPT YOU OFF YOUR FEET, BUT THE GAY GUY REPLACED ME BECAUSE OF CORPORATE POLITICS...HEH-HEH...”
“I AM NOT GAY, YOU PUPILESS TURD!!!” Tracey yelled from the back, while Richie giggled.
“Get real, squinty!!!  I’m only attracted to dense, underdeveloped pokemon trainers!!!  Buzz off!!!” Melody growled.
A jealous Duplica quickly pounced on Melody cat-fight style, “Don’t talk to my man like that, beach bimbo!!!  Oops, did that slip?!”
Gary pulled out something from his back pocket, an all-too-familiar mike which used to belong to a certain Jigglypuff, “HELLO FANS!!!  I AM THE NEW LEADER OF THE PALLETSTREET BOYS!!!  ASHY HERE IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR ASS-GRABBING HANDS!!!  WATCH ME AS I GROOVE MY HAIRY LITTLE BOOTY AS I SING “TONGUE KISS MY TOES”!!!
Out of nowhere, Jigglypuff, who was wearing a thong and a bow in its hair for some reason, jumped on Gary and beat him down ghetto-style, “GRRR!!!  YOUR THE LITTLE EYEBROWLESS PRICK WHO STOLE ME MIKE!!!  GIMME MY GODDAMN MIKE!!!  GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!”

Everyone winced continuously as Gary got the bejeezus knocked out of him by Jigglypuff.
...*pound*...OWW!!!...*pound*...AHH!!!...*smack*....*OWW....*whop*....OOo!...*thwack*....eEE!...*slap*....MOMMY!!!...*slam*....(Gary attempts to crawl away...)...“GIT YER ASS BACK  HEERE!!!”....*thwump*....OwW!!!...*bamm*....HOO!! ...................(Gary lifts his head, Jigglypuff quickly takes notice, jump flips in the air and).......*Fwoop-BAMM!!!*....owie(faints with big swirls in his eyes).... “EGOSHIPPERS BEWARE!!!  HAH!!!”

“Wow, I almost feel sorry for him,” Ash said.
“Hmm...not really,” Misty said, hugging her love toy.
Jessie yelled, “Well, what’re you waiting for?!  Kiss and make up with the twerp and let’s scram!!!”
“Right!!!” Misty said, planting a HUGE kiss on Ash. *SMOOCH*
Ash blushes like crazy while the crowd goes “AWWWwwww....!!!” and many started to cheer as the entire cast of Pokemon characters are about to leave, but the vile Joe had planned for this in case something bad would happen with the boyband.

“YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, KIDS!!!  I AM JOE, ALMIGHTY GOD OF BOYBANDS, AND I HAVE SUMMONED THE ULTIMATE BOYBAND, ONE WHICH WILL BE IMMORTALIZED FOR AEONS TO COME, THE BACKSTRET BOYS!!!!!!”
In a puff of smoke, the real Backstreet Boys appeared out of nowhere, but strangely enough, were wearing their superhero outfits.
Ash scratched his head and mumbled, “Umm...who invited the drag queens?!”
Brian of the Backstreet Boys quickly answered, “We are not drag queens!!!  We are superheroes/ singers!!!  Stan Lee made us into superheroes, diminishing his already dwindling prestige as a comic book publisher, and we have been summoned by Joe to kill all of you and the author for making fun of us and our name!!!”
Ash scoffed, “I admit, you do look tough, but I’m not afraid of you!!!  Pikachu, use your Thunderbolt!!!...Uhh...Pikachu?!”
“ASH!!!” Misty yelled, “Pikachu’s not here!!!  When you quit pokemon training, he left to work on Cardcaptor Sakura!!!”
“Uh-oh...”

Back in Hollywood...
“Toge, toge, toge, bri, brie...(*sung to Pinnochio’s song*...I’ve got no breasts to hold me up...)”
“Sakura, you freakin’ idiot, you buttless, chestless, asexual excuse for a Cardcaptor!!!,” Li yelled, “Name the frickin’ card!!!”
*plurp*
“IT’S...IT’S THE INDIGESTION CARD!!!  Quick, Kiro!!!  Take a dive in the septic tank to distract it!!!”
The director yelled, “CUT!!!  Mr. P.K. Chu, right!!!  Do as we rehearsed!!!  ACTION!!!”
“Pika-pi, pika pikachu pika...(It could be worse.  I could’ve starred in the next Final Fantasy game...)”
(A/N Sorry, FF fans.  FF6(FF3 in America) is still the best game in the series, ever!!!  Hah!!!)

Brian sneered and grabbed a mike, “Watch me, Ash-bastard, as I charm the panties off your girlfriend!!!... *I LIKE IT THAT A-WAY...AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME!!!”
Misty was hypnotized by the sound of Brian’s voice and started walking in his direction, “uhh...I like it that a-way...as long as you...love me...wuhh...”
“Misty!!!  Snap out of it!!!  What’ve you done to Misty?!”
Jigglypuff sweatdropped, “OH NO!!!  HE’S USING ZE HYPNOTIC FAG POWERS!!!  DO SOMETHING, ZE ASH, OR YOU WEEL LOSE HER FOREVER!!!”
Ash thought very hard, “Oh no.  Without my pokemon, I’m helpless,” but like a beam of light, George Michael spoke to him telepathically, “COME ON, MY ASHY-KINS!!!  HAVEN’T YOU LEARNED ANYTHING!!!  USE YOUR ULTIMATE SEXUAL POWER!!!  SUMMON THE POTENT ENERGIES OF YOUR BUDDING PROSTATE!!!  YOU CAN DO IT!!!  AND I DIDN’T SLIP THAT TIME!!!”
“Yeah, right!!!  I can do this!!!  Yo’ Misty!!!” he called to her as she turned around, “Check this out!!!”
Ash quickly unbuttoned his shirt, flashing his bare naked chest, and unzipping his pants a little, showing a bit of his boxers and spoke in a deep pimpin' voice, “Tell me, Misty...who’s da real sugar daddy ‘round here...”
“Huh?!  Ash!!! Oh....ooohhh....!!!...Wow...”she said just as she blushed and fainted from hunk overload.

Jigglypuff quickly spotted a strange box labeled, Voice-O-Rama, and pulled the plug, which quickly changed Brian’s voice, “ i..LiKe iT ThaT a-Way...!!!  Huh?!  Oh no, my real voice!!!  My career is over!!!  I’ll get you Jigglypuff!!!”  He kicked Jigglypuff out of the way, rolling back in front of Ash and a recovering Misty.
Brian snickered, “You may have gotten rid of our voices, but we still have our superhero powers!!!  There’s no way you can stop us now!!!  HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!”
All our pokemon heroes were in panic, even Sabrina, who had used up all her psychic powers holding off the Thailandese and American molesters.
Misty cried, “Oh no...it’s over!”, but quickly took notice of Jigglypuff, “Huh?!”
Ash said, “Jigglypuff is...glowing!!!  And growing!!!”

Some weird, extremely annoying theme music cued up in the background, “Di...di...di...digimon...DIGIMON!!!  Digital Bastards!!!  DiGImoN ArE thE ChamPIONS!!!”
Misty started singing along, “Change into digital champions....” but was quickly cut off by Ash, “MISTY!!!  We’re from Pokemon, the cooler show!!!  The stupid author cued up the wrong music!!!”
(A/N Hey!!!)

Jigglypuff started growing bigger, snapping its thongs, and spoke in a deep evil, voice, “GGGRRRRRR!!!!!!  YOU THINK YOU FAGWILLOWS ARE GOING TO BEAT US WITH YOUR BULKED-UP HOMOSEXUAL SUPERHERO POWERS!!!  YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE KICKED ME!!!  NOW YOU SHALL SEE MY TRUE FORM, FAGSTREET BOYS!!!  GRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The air started blowing around Jigglypuff, pushing Ash, Misty, and crew away from her.  Kickass music cued up in the background, while Misty motioned Ash to pull out his pokedex.
“GRIGGLYRUFF!!!  The really, really, REALLY pissed-off pokemon!!!  This pokemon will kick your ass, tear your nuts off, and beat you upside the head so hard, your primordial ancestors and their dogs will feel it!!!”
All the Backstreet Boys started hugging Joe and yelped like little girlies, “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”
In a swift jump and drop, the ultimate evolution of the Jigglypuff species brought down the house.

flip....KASPLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!...drip.....drip....drip.

All that was left of the BSB and Joe was a SMEAR on the concert stage.  Grigglyruff quickly started shrinking, finally shrinking back to Jigglypuff.  Our heroes ran up to her, “Jiggly?  Jiggly, jiggly...jigglypuff-puff?!”
Misty thought out loud, grabbing onto Ash’s arm and putting her head on his shoulder, “I guess since she has her mike back, she no longer sounds like a homicidal Luciano Pavarotti.”
Ash held the cute Jigglypuff, “Wow, Jigglypuff was awesome, Misty!  Thanks, the both of you.”
People in the crowd saw the beauty of Ash and Misty's togetherness on stage and started coming to their senses, “You know what?  I’m through with boybands.  I’m going home, tearing down my posters and am gonna try to get into a committed homosexual relationship.  Care to join me, Bob!”  “Yes, Timothy!!!”
“To the Puffmobile, everyone!!!” our heroine yelled but Gary called out to them.
“HEEYYYY!!!!!  CaN SomEonE help Me GatheR My TeeTH!!!”

And so our heroes...and Gary, headed back home to the Pokemon anime world.  Ash was busy on the phone calling for Pikachu and Togepi to come back, Misty was busy making hamburgers with Mrs. Ketchum, while Professor Oak poured out the Heineken with Goku’s picture on it.  Jessie was invited to stay over to help locate James and Meowth.  Jigglypuff was out in the back trying to pinch Mr. Mime’s butt.
Misty walked in, “Hamburgers are done!!!  Come and get it!!!”
Everyone chowed down, while Ash and Misty talked, “Ash, where did Brock go?!”
“I think he said he was gonna make a small trip to New York.  Said something about learning the art of pimpfather.  He said he’d be back soon.”
“How’s the Pikachu/Togepi search going?”
“They’ve quit Cardcaptor Sakura and are heading back home.  It was weird, though.  I caught Pikachu in some kind of decontamination shower on the vidphone!!!”
Misty turned to Jessie, “Jessie, any luck finding James or Meowth?”
“No...” she said trying to stifle her tears, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GONNA DO WITHOUT THEM!!!”
Mr. Mime raced inside the house, making a huge sweatdrop, disturbed by the kinky Jigglypuff.
“Oh, Mimie!!!  Turn on the TV, dear!” Mrs. Ketchum said happily.  The mime switched to it’s favorite channel.
CLICK!
The VJ announced, “AND NOW, EVERYONE. THE MOST REQUESTED SONG IN THE NATION, SUBURBAN PSYCHO, BY JIMINEM!!!”
Everyone simultaneously shouted, “JIMINEM???!!!”

Lots of hardcore-lookin, heavily armed black gangstas were taking a stroll down a small suburb.  A small, little white boy walked up to them, "Hi, my name's Frankie!!!  Wanna play some basketball, niggas!!!"  He got the lights punched out of him.  All of a sudden, some guy in a dress rode up on a bike with an submachine-gun and surprisingly enough, didn't shoot .  Instead, he rode up next to each of them and pistol-whipped them one-by-one.  "Hey, stop that!!!  Uhh, aren't you Jiminem, hardcore pistol-whipping gangsta of the suburbs?!"  It was James, but oddly enough, his voice sounded a little altered.
"Yeah, mothaf!@#$%!!!  It is I, Jiminem!!!  I'm the real Jim Shady!!!"
(insert obligatory hip-hop beat in background)

Oh, I'm the real f!@##$ sh!@# can't you see?
Pistol-whippin' from NY to Ken-tu-cky!
Carry no f!@#$ bullets, but lots of dresses
Get into gangland sh@# and lots of messes
The only time I got arrested with jailbait fags
Was for ripping off Sealy's mattress tags!!!

Everyone in the Ketchum household felt their ears burning while Ash yelped,"Man, I think we crossed the PG-13 boundary already!"  James was shown at a poolside, dancing with a pair of boxers, with lots of bikini-clad, big-assed girls, trying to cop a feel of his "Uzi".
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YOU ARE SO DEAD, JAMES!!!  COME ON EVERYONE!!!  LET'S GET HIM!!!"  Jessie said, charging towards the door, but Misty said, "Jessie, we just got here and the video just ended.  A commercial's coming up!"
....IT'S BAXTER!!!  MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW....(you know the rest...)
"MEOWTH!!!!!!" everyone shouted, right before they dropped to the ground.
Ash groaned, "Ohh....this baby is definitely not mine..waaahh...Misty, whaddya you think?!"
"Here we go again!!!"

THE END...(cue up 'The Power of Buns" soundtrack in the background as credits roll)

CREDITS

Story and script- The edgeknight
Special effects- www.mexicanslavelabor.com
Sound- Rabid Jigglypuff Inc.
Choreography- Queerphobic Dance Academy of New York
Asskissing- Dreamworks, Inc. (they needed work...)

(CLIFFHANGER CLIP- Back in the Viridian City headquarters of Team Rocket....)

.......©Microsux Blinders 2000...drivers set....testing procedure....set parameters....
.......232354KIJL235IJS....98756929JGIEKS.....program XEROX booting.......
.......enter estimate height.....
.......5/11.....
.......enter estimate weight....
.......102LBS....
.......enter estimate I.Q......
..................................
.......12........................
..................................
.......analyzing DNA sample.....
.......2312445LOISO198274......
.......093000927758LKADF......
.......01100
.......00101
.......11000
.......analysis of tissue sample complete.....
.......SUBJECT: SPEARS, BRITNEY......Proceed with cloning procedure Y/N?.....
.......Y.....
.......9758786430971JAFELA....
.......JLA897887345LJIFSSA....
.......procedure complete.......you may kiss the bride....heh...heh...

"Perfect...aw crap, Persian!!!  Don't pee in the gym!!!  What did I teach you about wee-wee?!"

TUNE IN FOR THE SEQUEL!!!  ASH AND MISTY RETURN IN "JIMINEM"!!!  COMING SOON!!!