Chapter 4 Sidestory- Misty's Auditions

Back in Pallet Town, auditions are being held at the town square.  An impatient Misty yelled, “Alright, alright, alright...we don’t have all day.  I want my man back, and whoever makes it through the audition alive will get to be a part of it all.  This is restricted to girl characters who were in at least one episode of Pokemon!!!  Got it!!!”
Someone in the crowd of hopefuls yells out, “What’s in it for us???!!!”
Jigglypuff shouted, “EEF YOU MAKE EET IN ZE GIRLBAND, YOU GET AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID TREEP TO THAILAND, OPEN FOR ZE PALLETSTREET BOYS, AND ONLY SING ONE SONG FOR YER ENTIRE CARREER!!!”
“That doesn’t sound like much,” someone else in the crowd said.
Misty thought quickly and yelled out, “Oh!!!  And you get to ride in the Puffmobile!!!”
The crowd resounded with a huge, “ALRIGHT!!!”

1st auditionee: Giselle
"There was a farmer, had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o!!!  B-I-N-G-O!!!  B-I-N-G-O!!!......"

“Whaddya think, Jigglypuff?!” Misty asked scientifically.
“EHH...I NEED TO BUY MORE EXPLOSIVE ARROWS!!!  NEXT!!!”
Rejected

2nd auditonee: Erika
"I’m a bitch, I’m a mother, I’m an Anglican priest, I’m a gynecologist!!!!!!"

“Hmm...the song sucks, and she just isn’t keeping it real.  I just don’t see her as hardcore...”
“DAMN...BUT SHE’s QUITE A LOOKER!!!  AHH...TOO BAD...”
Rejected

3rd auditionee: Duplica
"What a girl wants...what a girl needs...A few hair extensions and a jheri curl weave!!!"

“Cool, an original twist on a song by yet another despised pop icon!!!”
“SHE HAS A GREAT BOD FOR SOMEONE SO YOUNG!!!  SHE’S IN!!!”
Accepted!!!

4th auditionee: Professor Ivy
"She blinded me with science!!!  BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE!!!"

“Gee, that 80’s song just proves she was WAAAYYY too old for Brock...oh dear.”
“DAMN,  LADY!!!  ROB SOMEONE ELSES’S CRADLE!!!  YOU HAVE GREAT BOOBIES, THOUGH!!!”
Gladly rejected!!!

5th auditionee: Jessie
"Umm...okay here goes...(clears throat) I want to be the very best, that no one ever was...err, to catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause?!"

“God, song’s bad, but she sounded good...and Team Rocket fans’ll be pissed if she’s not in the fic...”
“EHH...JESSIE???!!!  CAN YOU SEENG, “I’M A BITCH”?!”
Accepted...barely...

6th auditionee: Rei/Sailor Mars
"I know what boys like!!! I know what guys want!!! (Rei starts jumping, her ta-tas bouncing quite nicely; author drools)"

Misty sighed, "Oh man...I thought I said the jobs could only be filled by pokemon characters!!!  What're you doing here, Raye???!!!"
"My show's been suspended temporarily because of scandal!!!  Serena gained 2 pounds, Darien allegedly starred in a porno tape with Jedite, Nephlite, and Prince Diamond titled "Tuxedo Unmasked", and Rini's having an identity crisis!!!  She thinks she's Barney!!!"
Misty sighed yet again, "I knew Barney was a sign of the apocalypse...Rei!!!  I'll see what I can arrange with the author!!!"
Rei responded,"Cool, and tell him I think he's quite tasty looking!!! (I just had to put that there...heh, heh...)
"AHH...LEAVE IT TO ZE AUTHOR TO JAM MORE ANIME CHARACTERS INTO THIS FIC!!!" Jigglypuff said, smacking its head.
Status pending...author still drooling...

7th auditionee: Prima(Lorelei) of the Elite Four
"Let's talk about sex, baby!!!  Let's talk about you and me!!!  Let's talk about all the birds and the wind and the astral plane of Dimension 261!!!!"

"Gee, she's acting spacier than usual...and she might inspire more pokemon hentai on the net.  Sorry, Prima!!!  You're still a great trainer, though!!!
"SEX....."
Rejected to protect us all!!!

8th, 9th, and 10th auditionees: Daisy, Violet, and Lily
"(Alternating lyrics) She’s got the look!!! Like, she’s got the look!!!  She’s got the look!!!  Like...like!!!"

Misty growls, “Grrr...leave it to them to choose a song that has only one lyric and unmistakingly glorifies their beauty!!!  And they sang even better than everyone else!!!   GRRRR!!!  Sorry sibs!!!  You didn't make the cut!!!
Daisy ask, “Like, whaddya mean we didn’t make the cut?!  We’re your sisters, Misty!!! The other auditionees sounded like Michael Jackson after he molested a few boy scouts!!!”
Jigglypuff sided with Misty, “SORRY, NO NEPOTISM HERE, GIRLIES!!!  BUT I HEARD DESTINY’S CHILD IS HIRING!!!”
Rejected grudgingly!!!

11th auditionee: Sabrina
"Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma CHAMELEON!!! They come and goooo!!!  They come and goooooo-oh-oh!!!"

“I...*gulp* don’t wanna tell her she didn’t make it!!!”Misty squirmed.
“ME NEITHER!!!  BOY GEORGE EES ONE COOL HOMO, BABY!!!”
Accepted out of wet-in-your-pants fear...

12th auditionee: May Oak
"Like a virgin!!!  Touched for the very first time!!!"

Misty ponders, “GRRR...*whisper*...Jigglypuff, Ash used to have a crush on that girl!!!  Can’t risk having her around...I’m afraid I’m gonna have to say no.  Besides, I’m supposed to be the untouched, virginal sex appeal around here!!!”
“YOU MEAN YOU AND ZE ASH HAVEN’T....???!!!!”
“OF COURSE NOT!!!  WE'RE STILL IN OUR PUBES!!!  The closest we’ve ever gotten to “that” was when he accidentally hickeyed me on the upper half of my left boob!!!  Or maybe it wasn’t so accidental...*blush*...^o^...”
Jigglypuff sweatdrops. ~-~
Rejected out of fear of sexual inadequacy...

13th auditionee: Agatha of the Elite Four
Who’s the baddest cat in town...when dangers lurking all around?!!!  SHAFT!!!  Damn, right!!!  I’m telling you that cat’s one bad motherf...

“SHUT YER MOUTH!!!” Misty sweatdropped, “Gee, we have to maintain some standards...”
“But I’m just talking ‘bout Shaft?!” Agatha responded.
Jigglypuff sighed, “DEAR GOD...I NEED TO GO TO ZE ARMORY....”
Rejected for obvious reasons!!!

14th auditionee: Cassidy
"(wearing extremely baggy pants) STOP.....ROCKET TIME!!!  Can't touch this!!!.....Can't touch this!!!  UH-OH!!!  UH-OH!!!  UH-OH!!!  UH-OH!!!"

Misty starts turning blue and faints,"MC HAMMER!!!  EEEEEK!!! (recalls the time her sisters listened to MC Hammer for weeks on end)"
"MEESTY?!  HEY SNAP OUT OF IT!!! (starts doubleslapping Misty)"
Traumatically rejected!!!

15th auditionee: Melody
One, two, three, four, FIVE!!!  It’s Island Mambo No. 9 with Melody live!!!

“She’s...she’s...grrr...awesome...MELODY!!!  You’re in the girlband, but...(Misty's eyes start glowing)...IF YOU DARE THROW YOURSELF AT ASH LIKE YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST MET YOU, I WILL SHOVE THAT FLUTE SO FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT, YOU’LL BE PLAYING LUGIA’S SONG OUTTA YER BUTTCHEEKS!!!  GOT IT???!!!”
Melody gulped, “...Yes ma’am!!!”
Jigglypuff snickered, “MAYBE ASH IS BETTER OFF IN ZE BOYBAND....”
Accepted...but keeping a close eye...

The auditions were over and everyone who didn’t make the cut were given the  consolation prize, which was a signed copy of International Pimpdaddy: An Autobiography of Brock Slate.  Jessie, Duplica, Melody, and Sabrina lined up before Misty and Jigglypuff.
"So what're we calling this band?!" Jessie asked.
Misty held a hand to her chin, "I don't know, but we're gonna find out real soon.  By the way, Jessie...what happened to James???"

Elsewhere, at the local McDonalds, James is getting drunk off Nestea, and the seeds of a new evil are being sown...

"*hic*...I don't know what to do!!!  My hit TV series is up in the air temporarily, and the main character is making gobs of cash by lip-synching, exposing his bare naked chest, and making lots of girls and gay people horny!!!  I just don't have that kind of talent!!!"
Magically, Puff Daddy psychically talks to James, "Nigga', you don't need to be frontin' fo no skeezers and faggots!!!  There's another way to make the big Benjamins, baby...HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  All you gotta do is bust me outta jail and call my mommy!  Pwetty pwease!!!"