Part 1

SAMUEL AARON MESSERLY

Three were gifted to the legendary Pokemon, the wisest and most powerful of all, who used them responsibly to maintain peace throughout the Pokemon world. With these balls were the lands of Middle-Kanto maintained and protected, and despite the tensions between the race of Humans and Pokemon there was no war.

But they were all of them deceived, for another Pokeball was made…

In the Headquarters of Team Rocket was forged in secret a Master Pokeball, that captured any Pokemon inside of it without difficulty. It would eventually give its bearer the power to ensnare all life, and Giovanni, the Dark Lord of Team Rocket, was bent on conquering all of Middle-Kanto.

Soon Pokemon from all over the world were being captured with ease, and turned to the cause of Team Rocket. They soon amassed a great army that began to overwhelm the lands. The fate of the world seemed set on destruction, but there were some that resisted.

A Last Alliance of Humans and Pokemon marched to the tower of Giovanni, located deep within the lands of Vermilion, and there they fought for the freedom of Middle-Kanto. But the power of the Master Pokeball could not be undone, and Giovanni fought himself in the fight, capturing Pokemon left and right and turning them against their friends and masters.

Yet in a desperate moment there was hope. Brockildur, son of the King of Men, stole the Master Pokeball from Giovanni, and for that time the Dark Lord of Team Rocket was defeated.

But because Brockildur did not destroy it the dark spirit of the Master Pokeball lived on, and twisted his mind and made him evil. Then Brockildur was attacked in the woods by some wild PrimeApe, fell servants of the Dark Lord, and he was killed, and the Pokeball lost in a river.

For thousands of years the Pokeball remained there, until it was found by a Pokemon who was playing near the waters and accidentally fell in. The Pokemon became addicted to it, and took it deep into the "Misty" mountains.

"Golem, go go golem golem" (It came to us, my heart my love, my preciousss. Golem.)

It came to the Pokemon Golem, and for a time unknown the Pokeball poisoned his mind, until finally it got bored to death of looking at the same ugly Pokemon for years and rolled away, hoping to make it out of the cave if it got good enough thrust. It barely made it to the door.

Then the most unlikely person imaginable picked it up. A Human named Delia Ketchum. She took it back with her and made it into a weight for her exercise routine, as well as a paperweight. For the time would soon come when human Pokemon Trainers would shape the fortunes of all...

61.5 years later, in the village of Pallet in the Kanto Shire…

The Pokemon Trainers of Pallet were preparing a special event. Delia Ketchum was turning 95 and she didn’t look a day over thirty! She was the only person in Pallet to ever give birth to a son at age 51, and his name was Ash. Some of his friends called him "Asho", but he didn’t like that much.

As the party was getting started an old friend of the family arrived back in town from many adventures. Oakalf the wizard couldn’t pass up the party, especially since it would give him a chance to brag about all of his knowledge of Pokemon, and maybe even sell some cheap outdated Game Boy systems to the naïve natives. They were a simple breed, these Pallet Town people…

"Oakalf!" Ash cried happily, meeting up with his old teacher. "What’s happening in the outside world? Tell me everything!"

The wizard rolled his eyes. "Don’t you know how to use the computer?! How stupid you are Ash Ketchum!" He accidentally turned Ash into a Grimer at that moment in his anger.

"Oops," he laughed. "Sorry Ash." He turned him back and the two proceeded to the party.

The dancing was great, the food was filling, and Delia somehow managed to beat everyone at the craps table. She was then forced to make a speech. She stood up on a cardboard box labeled "Ash’s precious memories", which was a collection of mostly nude baby shots of him that she had passed around five times or so, just to make sure everyone looked.

"First off I want to give a word out to my friends in the Female Pokemon Trainers’ Rights Campaign---Never stop dreaming girls!---and secondly thank you all for showing up at my party. You can pay Oakalf on the way out for the catering."

Some peopled grumbled at this. Delia crossed her arms and stared flames at them. "This stuff ain’t FREE people!" Her chipper smile returned. "Finally I want to say that I feel so proud of my little boy Ashy-Poo, because soon he turns eleven and can start his Pokemon journey! I’m so proud of him. You know he actually put his underwear on the right way today! The tag was in the back this time, and he didn’t even need my help! I’m so proud!"

Ash hung his head. There were days he wished his mother would just disappear.

Suddenly Delia grew quiet and said in a changed tone, "Uh, gotta go now. Woman thing. Bye!"

She then vanished in a flash of light, and was never seen by any Human in Pallet again, save for the guy she accidentally ran into while invisible going to her house. For she had activated another special feature on her Master Pokeball. A slight push of the button and it made you invisible! That came in handy when she wanted to spy on Ash and make sure he was on appropriate web-sites.

As she prepared to leave the house forever and go on the open road, she bumped into Oakalf.

"You are going to give the Ball to Ash, aren’t you?"

"Oh, right!" Delia laughed. "That’s just inviting him to rob a store, or look at his teacher’s answer book or even sneak into the girls’ locker room! I can’t do it, Oakalf, I just can’t!" She then gazed at the gold covered Master Ball and a lustfulness overcame her. "It’s mine…my own…my precioussss…cough!…oh, sorry. I always cough when I do that with my Ss."

"Delia, you’re going to give me that Ball before I make you look like Kathy Lee Gifford. You know I will."

That frightened Delia enough that she handed him the ball and ran like a rabbit through the door. Ash returned some time later and saw Oakalf sitting in front of the fire, smoking a Marlboro.

"You know that’ll kill ya," Ash said.

"Screw you, Human!" Oakalf said angrily. "I’ll smoke myself into an early grave with a smile! Besides, it hasn’t killed me after 2,000 years now has it?" He then began to cough, and some gray piece of lung flew out. He grimaced and stared at Ash. "Not a word twig-boy or I’ll make it a Muk this time!"

He then stood to leave, saying before he was gone, "By the way, your mother left you the Magic Pokeball. Don’t do anything with it until I come back and have determined that it is safe." He then left into the night.

Ash took the Pokeball, stared at it, and then a big smile crossed his face.

"Don’t do anything with it? Oh, you have GOT to be kidding! Hello fun times!"

At that moment in the Tower of the Dark Lord Giovanni a gaggle of black cloaked Gengar rode from the gates, all of them on horseback.

One of them asked, "Why are we riding horses? We’re ghosts! Why can’t we just teleport to this Pallet place?"

The Lord of the Gengar hissed back, "Because this makes us looks scarier! You think this Human will be scared if we go up to his door, say boo and ask for the Ball? It’s the delivery, man!"

Little did Ash know that the Black Gengar were after him…he was watching two of his friends making out in the park without them knowing he was there. Hee hee, this was fun!

A night later at home Ash was watching Yu-Gi-Oh when he heard a noise. He got up and thought he saw a shadow in the other room. Blast it, not those stupid Ratatta again! The house was crawling with them! He grabbed a broomstick and hid behind the corner. He then leaped out and swung, whacking Oakalf plain in the face.

"Oh, crap…" he knew something bad was going to happen.

"Idiot of a Ketchum!" screamed the wizard, holding his chin. "I would turn you into jelly now if I hadn’t lost my staff coming back! You know we wizards are impotent without those things!"

"Why not trying to knock next time?" Ash asked, not appreciating Oakalf sneaking into his home.

"Doors are for losers! I’m a bleeding magic man! Anyway, I found out from the all knowing Alakazam of Houndor City that your ball is…brace yourself…THE MASTER BALL!"

Ash looked blank. "Uh, oh, wow…what’s that?"

"Imbecile!" the wizard slapped his forehead. "What do they teach you in that school of ours?"

"Well, our government is a fascist dictatorship and the best way to make love is to…"

"Never mind!" cried the impatient Oakalf. "I shall fill you in…"

He told the story of the Ball’s creation, and how it came to Delia and lengthened her life.

The wizard sat back at the end of his tale with a grin. He could weave a good story. "So, what do you think of THAT?"

"Well, not much really. I mean, what, does all this give me something special to tell the guy at the Antiques Roadshow if I try to hock this thing?"

"What it means, you short-sighted miniscule piece of Human dirt, is that the world will be doomed if Giovanni ever gets his hands on the Ball. It cannot stay here, because if it did it would open a portal to another dimension and suck up all the---oh, wait, that’s another thing. Never mind. But the point is, you must leave here and make for the town of TogiBree. I’ll learn all I can of the Master Ball from the wizard ElmMan, the head of my order, and meet you there. That and we never got to finish our last game of cribbage. I’ll show that stuck up so-called expert why I’m still the wickedest cribbage cat in all the world---! Oh, sorry, carried away again. Um, yes, go to TogiBree, and…"

Suddenly they heard a noise from the outside window.

"Spies!" hissed Oakalf, and he reached outside and grabbed the offender. He flung a little yellow Pikachu on the table. The Pokemon happened to be Ash’s best friend.

"Confound it all Pikachu Mousee! Have you been eavesdropping?!"

"Pika pika chu pika, chu chu!" ( "Stopped yelling at me! I have freaking sensitive hearing!")

Oakalf sighed. "Well Ash, we’ll either have to kill him or let him come. He’s heard too much."

Pikachu didn’t like the sound of that. "Pi? Pika chu?" (k-k-kill me? Sweet little me?")

"Don’t worry Pikachu," Ash said comfortingly. "We’re only going to TogiBree. What could possibly happen?"

Oakalf led Ash and his new traveling partner Pikachu to the edge of the shire where he would send them off. He then hopped on his horse Pokemon PonytaFax, forgetting that it had a flaming mane and he quite seriously burned himself. After the obscenities died down he turned the horse into burger for the two travelers to enjoy and decided to take a Crobat instead.

"Remember Ash," he warned, "never open the Pokeball, or you will surely be devoured by its evil power. And never forget to change your underwear, every day. I am off to see the head of my order, Elm-Man the White Cracker. With any luck he should know what to do with it."

"Then why don’t you just have us come with you?" Ash asked curiously.

Oakalf looked aghast. "What? A miserable little human and Pokemon in ElmMan’s pad? Unthinkable! You are far too lower class to conduct yourself in the proper ways of wizards. Good-bye!"

He urged his Crobat on and shot into the sky, unfortunately forgetting to fasten his seatbelt which caused him to fall off and plunge three hundred feet to the ground. He cursed out the Crobat and with one well aimed lightning bolt it was bat-bacon. Oakalf then decided to go to the Pink Havens and borrow (actually steal) one of their power boats and ride it like a demon to ElmMan’s fortress.

As Ash and Pikachu went on their way they reached a cornfield and Pikachu suddenly stopped.

"Pi, Pika Chu, Pikachu Pika Pika Chu" (If I take one more step I’ll be completely out of the Shire for the first time in my life.)

"That’s right," Ash confirmed.

"PIIIIIIKKKKKKAAAAA!" (Whoo-hoo! Show me the way to booze, clubs and parent-less fun baby!)

Ash gave him a scolding look. "Pikahu, we have to get to Toge-Bree. You can drink yourself drunk when we get there. The Prancing Ponyta is a good tavern, but I want to get wasted first. You’re driving, remember?" As they began walking to the edge of the cornfield they suddenly met another Pokemon who was stealing corn ears named Psyduck. It and its trainer, a girl named Mistiadoc (normally called Misty) were gathering their ill-gotten food goods with a boy named Tracegrin Took, normally called Tracey.

"You’re stealing from Farmer Hagged’s crops!" Ash exclaimed in shock.

Misty pulled out a mallet and threatened, "Breath one word to him and you’ll be peeling your face off of a stalk! This is totally a victimless crime. Who are we hurting?"

Suddenly a fleet of Beedrill rose out of the corn and looked angrily at the party.

Tacey gulped. "I guess by stealing from the field we’re hurting the Beedrill who normally steal from it."

Misty, being terrified of bugs, suddenly dropped her plunder, grabbed her duck, and ran like hellfire. The others followed, but unknowing they ran to the edge of a hill and stopped to catch their breath.

"That was YOUR fault Ash!" The feisty girl screamed. "If you hadn’t stuck your stupid head in that field Tracey and I would be eating better than the gruel we normally get. You know my sisters give me scraps like a dirty Houndour! If I die of malnutrition I will personally have my Goldeen horn you where the sun---!"

"OKAY!" Ash cried. "Tell you what, Pikachu and I are on our way to Togebree. I’ll get you guys some good food there if you’ll just…well…"

"What" Tracey inquired.

Ash looked sheepish. "Well, help us get there. Pikachu and I have never been outside Palletshire before, and it could be, you know, dangerous."

Misty sighed. "You little twerp. You need us to protect you like you’re four years old? Well, fine, but you’re footing the bill for the dinner. Besides, I’ve heard Togebree is the cutest little town this side of RocketDell."

Suddenly as they stood on the edge of the cliff Psyduck looked over it, and he was so scared he began running in circles about Misty’s feet. Unfortunately this only resulted in the cliff edge collapsing, and the Pokemon and their trainers tumbled into the ravine below. Ash landed first, and was slammed upon by Pikachu, then Tracey, then Psyduck, and finally by Misty. Pikachu was so ticked at the pain he felt he zapped them all.

Still smoking like roast beef from their shock, Misty was chewing Ash out for being a lack-witted idiot when suddenly the Master Ball began to glow. A sudden sense of fear washed over Ash and he cried, "Hide! Something bad is coming!"

"How would YOU know you stupid zit-faced thinly little moron!" Misty growled.

"Thinly?!" Ash cried. "You’re a fine one to talk! The last time I saw a figure like yours it was hanging on a cross scaring off crows."

Misty socked Ash good for that one, and mostly toothless the boy fell under a tree root down a little fall. Vengeance incomplete Misty followed him to continue her assault, and their friends followed just in time, for suddenly they hushed as they heard the sound of hoofs above them.

They chanced a peek and saw a Gengar, hooded and cloaked, sniffing loudly because he had allergies.

Pikachu looked at it and gasped, "Pi! Pika pika chu!" (Holy crap! I haven’t seen something that dark since Flip Wilson ticked off that Charizard!)

"Quiet!" Tracey hissed. But the Gengar, thinking it heard something, floated down off of its horse and looked about. "Geeeeeengar…:" (I feel something powerful nearby, and there isn’t even a drug drop-off within ten miles of here!)

Suddenly Ash felt compelled to take out the Master Ball and open it. He didn’t really know why…he just wanted to find out what the heck was so interesting about the inside! But Pikachu looked sternly at him, saying with his eyes that Ash would be mutton via Thundershock if he even tried it.

Ash stuffed the Ball, and Misty came up with a good idea to get rid of the Gengar. She quickly stuffed Ash into a female Gengar suit (which she just happened to have) and sent Ash out to make a diversion. The Gengar’s eyes bulged like a squeeze toy and he ran after Ash, tongue dragging on the ground.

Screaming Ash ran into the brush, followed by the ghost. Meanwhile his friends ran the other way for Togebree.

"Shouldn’t we help Ash?" Tracey asked.

Misty grinned. "Oh, he’ll just meet us at Togebree. How hard can I be to lose a Gengar?"

Some leagues away Oakalf arrived at the palace of ElmMan the White Cracker, where the scientist wizard was watching the results of his breeding a Jigglypuff with a Squirtle. Some said he was a sicko; he said it was all in the name of scientific observation. Yeah, that was it.

"Oakalf the Gay!" ElmMan cried happily seeing his old friend.

Oakalf sighed. "It’s Gray you imbecile. But we have important matters to discuss…"

"I agree," said ElmMan. "Can you believe they took Millionaire off the air…!"

"That’s not what I had in mind," sighed Oakalf. "ElmMan the wisest of all, the Master Ball has been found! I left it with this snot-nosed kid in Palletshire, and you must help me discover what to do with this terrible weapon!"

"Aha!" ElmMan cried victoriously. "You have revealed what I wished to know, and now I shall acquire the Ball and become Master of all Pokemon and Human kind! Aha! Aha aha aha!"

Oakalf cocked an eyebrow. "Ah, crap. Some wise-man you turned out to be. By the way, your laugh is really stupid."

‘Personal opinion!" cried ElmMan. "But now you shall be imprisoned at the top of my building where all the radios are tuned to Paul Harvey twenty four seven! After that you will turn to my side!"

Oakalf choked back his terror. Paul Harvey?! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"