Pleasure and Pain
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”
- Helen Keller
Disclaimer: Me no own Pokemon. Me no even own rock. Me own lint.
A/N: I would like to say, this is a bit of a parody of one of those sickening celebrity controversies that the tabloids always talk about. So enjoy this little story, and try not to vomit too much.
Foreword by Sloane DiCapario
I feel that before you read this award-not-winning memoir of this nearly infamous case, there are three points you must understand:
I. The defendent Misty Waterflower did NOT commit the crimes of which she was accused. She contemplated doing these dirty deeds, but in this end, her attorney Jon Crawford talked her out of it.
II. The name of the murderer of Jenna DiCapario is still unknown, although all signs point to the singer Meat Loaf and Marty Sheen, but mainly the latter.
III. Finally, with the death of Ms. DiCapario brought much suspicion to the renowned Pokemon Master Ash Ketchum, and Ms. Waterflower, the two of whom were rumored to be having an audacious affair while Ms. Waterflower was to be married to the ex-Master, Steven James.
Now, I have been friends with Misty for many, many years. Because of her, my fiancée, Jon Crawford, is now an A-List lawyer, and I can come back to the Times with yet another story. So, perhaps I should be thankful for her poor judgement...
However, I must admit that the tragic demise of my half-sister, star of such box office hits and misses like Pretty Wartortle and Metapody and the Holy Grimer, was a terrible, terrible error in Mr. Sheen’s plot, as she was only committed to him, not legally bound, thus ensuring that her value of $82,399,412 would be bequethed to her illegitimate son, Mr. James.
While writing this foreword, this preamble, I was overcome with a serious feeling of nostalgia. I kept wishing for the time when Jon and I could hold as much integrity as possible in our professions, for the time when there was no pressure of the media, and for the time when pleasure and pain weren’t the same thing.
So, as you read this you read this story, remember this: not all celebrities are like the stars of this case.
Sloane DiCapario
Head Editor of the Cerulean Times