Fragile

 

By Kawaii Cherry Blossom

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own Pokémon, or the song ‘Fragile’ by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

 

Rating: M15+ - Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

 

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

 

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

 

Chapter 4

Sinking Afloat

 

 

“Sometimes I feel like I’m alone

Sometimes I feel like I’m not that strong

Sometimes I feel nothing at all

Sometimes I feel vulnerable

Sometimes I feel a little fragile

A little fragile…”

 

 

ASH

 

I’m so stunned I don’t know what to say. There are a million questions wandering through my mind, forming a traffic jam of speculation, but none of them seem right to ask in order to get the reply I want. She looks afraid; I see it behind the anger that’s creeping up in her eyes as I look into them. Fear is something one rarely notices in Misty. She’s always been so strong… But as I stand opposite her, I notice that she almost looks like a completely different person. She looks small, frail, gaunt… Her vivacious personality has been replaced with the haunting shadow of anger and despair, which is so obvious beneath the façade that she wears as a mask. Her hair is limp as it hangs around her face, where her skin hugs her bones. And although I can’t see any of her body, I can bet that it looks the same… How long has she been doing this for? And how can I be her best friend, and not notice any change? What on earth do I say to her now…?

“What do you think you’re doing?” she growls, beating me to it, and I’m caught off guard although it seems like the most obvious question she could ask.

“I… Well I was worried and…” I stutter out, stumbling over my words.

“You have no right to spy on me! Can’t I even go to the bathroom in peace!” her voice rises in volume and her anger intensifies, like fire when it is fed wood.

“I wasn’t spying…”

“Then what do you call listening at my bathroom door?” she spits back, her eyes boring into mine.

“If you have nothing to hide, why are you so upset about it?” I put the question to her, hoping it will make her back down. But it doesn’t, I notice, as she grows angrier.

“Because you’re always questioning me, spying, prying into my life! Can’t you see I have my own life here? I’m not some little girl anymore, and I don’t need your help to get by! I know what I’m doing! Why don’t you just leave me the HELL alone!”

That really hurts, and I think she knows it, because she says no more. Giving me one last glare, she stumbles away and I watch her go. There’s no point in letting this go further, and get more out of hand than it already is. The last thing I want to do is push Misty away completely. With that in mind, I exit through the bathroom’s adjacent door and lean against the wall of the hallway outside her room.

At least I can be somewhat sure, now, that what Brock suspects may be true. And as much as I don’t want that to be so, if I know, then I can help her…

 

MISTY

 

Who does he think he is, invading my privacy like that?

As much as I want to be angry enough to punch something, I find that I can’t. Part of me wants him to find out, so that he can help me, save me…

Oh, what am I saying? I don’t need help.

Taking off my jumper, tank top and pants, I stand in front of the mirror in my underwear and stare at my reflection. Disgusting. Look at how disgusting I still am. No matter what I do, nothing changes it! I pinch the skin on my stomach and look to the ground helplessly. Why is this happening to me? All I want is to be skinny, pretty. Why can’t I do it? Am I that helpless, useless? Is there anything I can do right?

No, I’m just a failure… Sinking to the ground, I slam my fist down on the hard floorboards, and if it hurts, I don’t notice it. I’m such a failure. Bitch, fat, failure, ugly, disgusting… I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. I hate it! Slamming my head back against my bed, I feel tears well up in my eyes, and I bring my head down and press it into my hands. Letting out a sob, I curl myself into a ball and wail softly.

I can’t do this anymore, I can’t… I don’t want to… Someone help me, please… Just help me…

 

The next day…

 

ASH

 

Morning. Though, it makes no difference to me, since I’ve been awake all night. I think sleep overcame me at about 5 am, my sheer tiredness giving way to the peaceful slumber that I’d desired. But it wasn’t, as I’d wanted, a place to escape from the painful reality in which I’m living. No, it took me to a land of nightmares, where my fears were intensified and played like movies in front of my eyes. Let’s see, it must be about 7 am… What?

I feel panic rising up within me as I rub my eyes, and once again look towards the clock. 10 am? How could I have slept so late…?

Jumping out of the bed, I shed my pyjamas and grab my jeans and a fresh black t-shirt, before pulling them over me hurriedly. I really want to check on Misty…

Closing the door behind me, I rush down the hallway to Misty’s door, which I find to be closed. I hope she’s not still angry at me… My soft knock echoes through the silent hallway; and I wait for a few moments, before knocking again. But still, there is no reply.

“Misty, are you in there?” I call out, but receive no reply. Is it wrong to open her door and barge in? She got angry at me last time, but it’s not like I haven’t made it clear that I’m coming in… Placing my hand on the doorknob, I take a deep breath, praying that she won’t see this as intrusion. I turn the knob and open the door a creak, before peering in.

There is…nothing…?

Opening the door fully, I’m greeted with an empty room. Puzzlement and a slight sense of concern sweeping through me, I close the door and make my way towards the kitchen, passing the seemingly endless blue walls of the gym, when I hear a battle cry coming from the distance. Turning my head towards its place of origin, I make my way to the gym’s arena, and I’m apparently just in time for a battle.

 

Misty and her Starmie stand ready to face a cocky looking kid with a Charmander. This should be a piece of cake for Misty, she has an enormous advantage, and the kid looks like he hasn’t done this many times. In fact, he reminds me of myself when I was first starting out… Cocky, determined, I didn’t know much about the world but I wasn’t afraid to find out, no matter where life took me. I’m lucky that I ended up where I did, with the people I did, especially Misty…

I hope she won’t mind if I sit and watch, I think to myself as I sit down in the stands. She hasn’t seen me, or if she has, she hasn’t acknowledged me.

Focusing my eyes on the battle beginning in front of me, I find that they drift over to Misty’s form right away. She sends out her commands to Starmie, who carries them out, but there is something missing, like a part of her spirit has faded into nothingness. She looks fragile, as if she can hardly hold herself up, but her stubbornness won’t let her give in. There is something behind her determined stance and the strength in her eyes that is holding her back, I can see it if I look very closely. It’s like she’s wearing a mask, covering herself with strength to hide whatever is going on underneath… And she’s still concealed within baggy clothes, though it is overwhelmingly hot today.

My thoughts have overtaken me so much, that I’ve hardly been paying attention to the battle. But it’s over, and amazingly, Misty has lost. To a newbie. With a Charmander. She bows her head and returns Starmie, before stepping off of her platform and pulling a small object out of her pocket. When the kid, who just enthusiastically bounded towards her, reaches her, she presses the badge into his hand and says a few words to him, probably congratulating him on a job well done.

When he leaves, she turns towards the door and begins to make her exit.

“Misty!” I call out, forcing her to notice me sitting there as she whips around. The curiosity in her eyes fades and her stance loosens as she stares at me, an unrecognisable look in her eyes.

 

Standing, I walk towards her, and discover that she looks emotionless, no trace of any feeling at all…

“How are you feeling?” I think it’s best not to mention the battle unless she brings it up…

“Fine,” she replies, and her voice is as emotionless as her eyes. I sigh inwardly, not letting it show, and I find myself lost for words as an uncomfortable silence envelopes us for a few moments.

“Have…you had breakfast?” I ask the question I gather she doesn’t want to hear, and as expected, a hint of emotion flickers in her eyes. Whether it’s anger, fear or longing, I can’t tell. Perhaps it is all three.

“Yes,” she replies simply.

“Oh… Well, I was gonna make something. Do you want anything?” She looks as if she’s going to say yes, but finally, she shakes her head and mutters a ‘no thanks’, before turning and starting towards the door.

“Misty,” I call, and she halts, but doesn’t turn around. I move closer to her and take her hand, before gently swinging her around to face me. She looks lost, as if she’s wandering endlessly through an open space, with no way to get to where she wants to go. It’s as plain as day to me when I look into her eyes, yet seconds later, she throws a blanket of anger over herself to cover it.

“What?” she asks, her tone signifying that she’s annoyed.

“Did you really have breakfast?” She looks caught off guard, but doesn’t back down.

“I told you I did! Why are you always on my case? I didn’t say you could stay so you could question me about everything I do!” her words are bitter, as cold as ice.

“I just…want to help…”

“Help with what?” she asks, exasperated but I can tell she knows the answer.

“With whatever it is you’re going through.”

“I’m not going through anything!” her eyes are blazing like fire, anger emanating from every flickering flame. “You think you know me, Ash, but you don’t! You don’t know a thing!”

“I knew you before…”

“Yeah, well people change,” she replies sarcastically, waving her hand dismissively. God…this must be so hard for her… I don’t understand, not one part of it, but there is no way I’m going to rest until I do.

“I know you haven’t been eating. And I know you’re throwing up what you do eat,” I decide it’s time to press her with accusations, before she pushes me away any further.

“What are you talking about?!” she shouts horrendously, fear now seemingly driving her anger.

“I just want to help you, Mist…”

“I don’t know why you think that, but you’re wrong!” she cuts me off. The fear in her eyes tells me that she’s lying.

“You don’t have to lie anymore…”

“I am NOT lying!”

“Misty…”

“Just stop it! Leave me alone! I can’t stand it any longer. Why won’t you just listen to me?! I said I’m fine! And if you’re not going to trust me enough to believe me, why don’t you just leave?!” she screams the last word in emphasis, and my helpless eyes meet her fearful ones. Her face is streaked red with anger, her fists clenched as her body shakes. I should’ve known this would happen. But how can I leave now? Does she really want me to? Why are there always so many questions, and not enough answers…?

 

To be continued…

 

I hope you liked chapter 4. I put most of it in Ash’s point of view, because I thought I’d use it as a way of conveying his worry for Misty. Please review! Thank you for reading. :)

 

Love and light,

Sarah.