Part One

      Crazy. I guess that was what you could call me. Or perhaps I was just another last-minute Christmas shopper racing through the store, only glancing once at all the ornaments and other presents to see if they would do. But of course they aren't good enough. They're just quick blurs of green and red. With it being only three days before Christmas, and with how desperate I was to find a present for just one single boy, you'd think the shopping bag banging against my side would be bulging with items. But with every frantic step I take, with every worried heartbeat that thuds in my chest, it just seems to whisper "Empty, empty, empty." into my mind, taunting me.

      Okay, so it was three days before Christmas. But it didn't feel like that for me. For me Christmas was still weeks away. I know that sooner or later I'll wake up and realize, with a mix of shock and horror, that Christmas is tomorrow. But Christmas isn't tomorrow, at least, not at the moment. It was three days away. But why was I ignoring the fact that it was so close, that the clocks won't stand still for me, that my last seconds are continuing to tick by?

      Stupid me. Stupid Misty. That's probably what you're thinking right now. Sometimes even I think that. Actually, I think that all the time.

      Then perhaps with me thinking Christmas was weeks away, my shopping bag would be bulging from the desperate thoughts tugging away at my heart. But I'm just some silly little girl, just as desperate as all the other last-minute shoppers. But perhaps even more. Every time I turn my head to glance behind, wondering if I should give up, I see those big mud-brown eyes gazing down at me. His eyes, I mean. Ash's eyes. Stupid, I know. It's not like we're in love or anything. He would never think of me that way.

      "Misty, you are such a jerk. A total jerk!" I hissed under my breath at myself. But that's when a deep male voice interrupted my thoughts.

      "Are you okay, miss?" A store clerk asked, stepping in front of me. I halted to a stop and continued staring at the ground for a moment. Then I slowly raised my head to glare into his eyes. He looked worried. He probably heard me muttering. Great, I'm even more of a jerk than I thought. Thanks, mister.

      "Yea, I'm fine." I answered, managing to smile. But it was a weak smile. I hoped he couldn't see any of the hate hiding behind its fake wall of friendliness. Hate that was whispering "Go away. Go away, you idiot." in my mind, clogging up my throat, trying to escape through my mouth. I could already feel the tip of my tongue tapping the words out. But of course I didn't say anything out loud.

      The store clerk smiled back. "Last-minute Christmas shopping is stressful, huh?" He said. He seemed perfectly happy to completely waste all of my time.

      I felt like replying back by saying "No, last-minute shopping for someone you love is stressful." but I didn't. Instead I just paused a moment to gaze at my tinted-red reflection in a Santa ornament hanging near-by. I was surprised to see a look of worry, stress, sadness, and desire all mixed into one in my eyes. Strands of hair had fallen out of my side-ponytail and were now lying limp at my shoulders. I looked like one big sweaty mess. But then of course, I was nothing special when I felt perfectly fine. I was Misty. That was all. Nothing especially beautiful.

      "I guess." I finally replied, sighing.

      The store clerk glanced at his watch. "Well, the store closes in five minutes, so you better hurry." He warned.

      'Exactly. So why are you wasting all of my time?'

      I continued to smile that fake smile of mine. "Yes... so I better get going. Bye." I quickly said, whirling around the run the other way. I hope he didn't see my smile just barely twist into a frown as I did that.

      I probably should've given up all hope of finding something for Ash in those last five minutes. But of I course I didn't. How could I, with those desperate thoughts swarming through my mind like that? Maybe I should've given up all of my hope of finding any present at all anywhere in those last three days. But of course I didn't. Of course.

      'Stupid me. Stupid Misty.'

      It's amazing how quickly five minutes can go by and just disappear. The same store clerk appeared behind a near-by aisle. "Well, your five minutes are up." He said, winking. "We have to close the store for now. But don't worry, you can always come back tomorrow!"

      My heart sank. "But don't worry." That was what the store clerk had said. Yea, like I really wasn't going to worry at a time like this. How could I not when an image of Ash's gleeful smiling face appeared in my mind everywhere I went? I felt like I was going to throw up.

      I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Okay then. Bye." And with that I slowly walked over to the doors leading to the bitter outside world. As I carefully zipped up my coal-black leather coat, I couldn't help thinking 'Well, there goes one store. Now let's go on with the next hundred of them.' I grimaced. That was how it had been everyday in the past month. How come it wasn't like this last year, or the year before that? Why? But I already knew the answer.

      Ash. And then there was the stupid, idiotic me.

      I breathed in the fresh brisk air as I trudged my way through the damp streets of Pallet Town, carelessly kicking dirty clumps of snow now and then. It had snowed a little more than a week ago. Most of it had melted since then, revealing an ugly sight. What snow that was left had been blackened from cars racing by. I felt emotionless and empty inside as I continued to walk towards the house I had been staying in for the past month. The sight of pearl-white snow told me I had finally reached my destination. I gazed up at the house in which Ash lived in. It was very nice of his mother to let Brock and I stay here for Christmas. In fact, it was so nice that I want to kill her guts. Did she not know how tortured I was staying, practically living, in the same house as Ash?! Obviously.

      I sighed, and then with one cold trembling finger, rang the doorbell. I just stood there for a moment, waiting, watching my frozen breath waft through the air with tired eyes. I jumped ever so slightly as the door opened, revealing Ash's mother, Dellila. Her brown hair was pushed back into a loose ponytail.

      At the sight of me, Dellila's face grew into a wide, friendly grin. "Welcome back, Misty! You must be freezing! Come on in." And with that she stood to the side, watching me stomp into the house and carelessly kick off my boots. "Would you like some hot chocolate with marshmallows?" She asked.

      "No thanks." I muttered. I walked down the long hallway, staring intently at the ground. Ash and Brock were having a discussion about something around the corner. At the sound of Ash's determined voice, my heart sank even lower with that block of guilty feeling that seemed to be trying to drown me. I walked past the two companions without even glancing at them.

      "Hi Misty!" Ash said, grinning. My heart leapt to my throat. If only I could get up to the guest room I was staying in upstairs, if only I could get there right away. I didn't think I could talk to Ash. Not right now. If I did I thought I was going to scream.

      That was why I continued my way down the hall and up the stairs, not a single word coming from my mouth, continuing to not look at both Ash and Brock. I probably should've said something to him. To Ash, I mean. Something, anything. But of course I didn't. How could I? I'd probably make a fool of myself in front of him, like I usually did everyday. That was me, Misty. Just a sick, foolish, and ugly girl.

      The low thuds of my heavy footsteps against the worn carpet of the stairs could just barely be heard over the soft, low whispering coming from downstairs. Great, Ash and Brock were talking about me. They had to be talking about me. Great, just great. I really should've talked to Ash. But I didn't.

      I shoved open the door to the guest room and slammed it shut behind me. Sighing, I collapsed onto the fresh sheets of the bed, my arms spread out wide. Underneath the bed were presents already wrapped for various friends and relatives, but not a single one was for Ash. I felt horrible, like I was going to throw up. I closed my eyes. Will it ever end? I wanted these last three days to go by slowly so I could buy a present for Ash, yet at the same time I wanted them to zip by, to be over with. These worries prevented me from falling asleep, tugging at my heart. But that's when I heard the door creak as it was slowly pushed open. I sat up straight to the sight of Ash standing in the doorway, his eyes holding a soft, fragile emotion. My breath was taken away as he sat on the bed next to me. I had forgotten to lock the door.

      "Are you feeling okay, Misty?" Ash asked in a soft whisper. "You don't seem too well."

      I gazed up into his eyes for a moment. Those eyes were always in my mind wherever I went, and now here I was, staring at the real thing. Millions of emotions seemed to be sparkling, hidden in that mud-brown color. One of them shined more than the others. Concern. Was Ash truly concerned about me? I turned away. I couldn't bare to face those eyes of his any longer.

      "Yea, I'm fine." I answered. Which, I really was. At least, I thought I was.

      There was silence for a moment. I couldn't see Ash's face. I wondered if his expression had changed at all. I probably shouldn't have turned away. I probably shouldn't have.

      "Don't lie to me, Misty."

      Great, just great. His voice sounded darker now. I really shouldn't have turned away. It was the wrong thing to do. Now he thought I was lying to him when I really wasn't. I felt perfectly fine. But then why did I have the sudden urge to fling my arms around him, to cry against his shoulder, to tell him everything?

      Maybe it was because I couldn't tell him everything. Yes, that was it.

      Taking a deep breath, I turned my head to once again look into his eyes. I didn't try searching for any certain emotions in fear of feeling sick again. "No, really. I feel fine." I said. I smiled. I hope my voice didn't sound small and frightened. I hope my smile didn't look weak with fake written all over it. I hoped.

      "Oh, okay." Ash said. Good. I must have looked alright. "Just checking on you."

      Wait... was that a hint of disappointment in his voice?! I felt the anger surge through my body as my gaze turned into a glare. Did he actually want me to feel sick? Well then, he was doing a pretty darn good job of it! Perhaps that emotion I saw in his eyes earlier really wasn't concern at all. I waited for Ash to stand up from the bed, to wave goodbye and finally walk out the door, but he just continued sitting there next to me. But one thing was different. He wasn't looking at me anymore. I tried to meet his stare but failed. Even more anger swarmed through me. I had to let it out.

      "Well, what are you waiting for?!" I snapped. "Aren't you going to leave?"

      I think me suddenly snapping at Ash surprised him, no, shocked him. He looked into my eyes once again. But I didn't like what I saw this time. He looked hurt, really hurt. That same big block of guilty feelings weighed down my heart once again. Why did I have to get angry at him like that? But then the same question I had before swarmed through my mind. Why did Ash sound disappointed when I told him I was fine? Perhaps what I heard in his voice really wasn't disappointment at all. At least, I hope it wasn't.

      "Oh... er, yea. I'll leave now." Ash muttered, staring at the ground. "Sorry Misty." And with that he stood up from the bed and trudged out of the guest room, quietly closing the door behind him. I wanted to shove the door open, to come running after him, to apologize to him, but I didn't. I couldn't. Instead I just sighed, my sigh coming out as half a quiet sob, and buried myself underneath the fresh sheets of the bed. I urged myself not to start crying, even thought I was alone. For I continued to keep the door unlocked, wondering if Ash would come back in. But he didn't. Not a sound could be heard as I finally buried my head into the pillow and shut my eyes tightly, drifting off to an unsteady sleep.

You walk in through the through the door,
Step onto the floor,

Do you love me, or do you love me not?