Story Recap: (sigh) Can it get any worse? Oh wait, it can. When we last left off, we found out that Ash’s sexuality was … erm … slightly confused. So here we are. Hmm ... I seem to have run out of ideas. Touché.

* * * *

MEGAMANZERO: (waves his giant foam finger of holiness) I have decided to make Ash straight once again, simply because he’s stupider when he is.

MISTY: You mean it, Megsy?

MEGAMANZERO: Don’t call me that. Ever. Or I will hurt you. Badly. I can do that. I have the Giant Foam Finger of Holiness. Don’t mess with my mad skills, bitch.

MISTY: (sweatdrops) Erm, sorry, M. But you really mean it? (eyes get all sparkly) Ash won’t be playing tonsil hockey with that fairy anymore?

MEGAMANZERO: Aye.

TRACEY: PEANUTS!!!

ASH: But she’s still not getting down MY pants! >=O

MISTY: Oh, poopie. ;_;

BROCK: THE BROCK THANKS THE GREAT MEGAMANZERO FOR GIVING ASH HIS SEXUALITY BACK! THE BROCK WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL VERY NERVOUS AROUND THE KID WHENEVER IT CAME TIME TO HOP INTO THE SHOWER.

MISTY: Eeeeew… >_< TMI, Too Much Information!!!

(suddenly out of nowhere, Shampoo from Ranma ½ appears out of a giant plot hole)

SHAMPOO: Nihao! Shampoo come through many plot hole so Shampoo get here!

MISTY: Shampoo??? From Ranma ½? This isn’t a crossover!

SHAMPOO: Shampoo know. Shampoo only come cuz RANMA here!

MISTY: Just what we need. Another idiot who refers to themselves in the third person.

BROCK: HEY! THE BROCK RESENTS THAT!

(we suddenly see Richie chasing after a girl-Ranma, with Ranma running like a wildcat, and Richie bouncing along like Peppy le Pew)
RICHIE: (in a bad French accent) Come to me, my darling. I shall woo you like you have never been wooed before.

RANMA: I am NOT a girl!!! AND FOR THE LOVE OF BUDDHA, WHERE THE HELL IS THE HOT WATER!!!???

MEGAMANZERO: Sorry Ranma, buddy. I have decided that for the rest of the fic there will be no hot water.

RANMA: (weeping) Why are you doing this???

MEGAMANZERO: Because I’m a sadist. Have a good time, Richie!! Don’t you be getting TOO frisky, ne? Don’t wanna have to change the rating from PG-13 to NC-17!

RANMA: CURSE YYYYYYOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!

MEGAMANZERO: Splendid. On with the story, now.

* * * *

(Ash, Misty, Brock, and Tracey, are walking through some random forest simply because the author is a lazy jerk)

(just then we see some random guy on a Mo-Ped speeds up to the group and screech to a halt)

MO-PED MAN: Urgent telegram for a Mister Ash Ketchum.

ASH: (holding out his hand) That would be me!

MO-PED MAN: WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU!?

ALL: O_O (except Tracy, who is currently break dancing in a pile of horse manure)

MO-PED MAN: Sorry, kids. Hope I didn’t sound a little rude there. I am a manic depressive bipolar schizophrenic psychotic suffering from Teretse Syndrome and I’ve just switched medication. I like medication! Don’t you? What? You don’t like medication, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY DON’T YOU LIKE MEDICATION DAMMIT YOU KNOW WHAT I OUTTA DO TO YO BITCH-ASS I OUTTA TAKE A STICK AND * beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee * gasp * eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep *

ALL: o_O (except Tracy, who is reciting Shakespeare while eating cans of dog food)

MO-PED MAN: Oh, fiddlesticks, there I go again. SCROTUM LICKER! Ah, infernal Teretse. Well, here’s your telegram from a Mr. Pikachu, AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT YOU CAN * beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee * gasp *
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep *

(the weirdo drives away)

MISTY: So, Hot Pants, what does the telegram say?

ASH: Don’t call me that! Waitasec (reads the telegram) awww, this is no good!?

ALL (except Ash): Why?

ASH: Because it just keeps repeating his name over and over!

(insert bad joke anime fall here)

TRACY: EAT PINNIATAS!!! There goes the goat cheese!

* * * *

(meanwhile, in a sheet held up by four poles...I mean THE TOP SECRET TEAM ROCKET BASE OF EVILNESS, Team Rocket plans their horrific scheme to use up half an hour...I mean steal Pikachu)

GIOVANNI: Ok, people! Here’s the plan. First, we take a giant Meowth balloon and...

JESSIE: Um, sir? We’ve tried that several times, and it never works.

MEOWTH: Yeah, numbnuts!

GIOVANNI: Whoa, steady! Throw me a frickin’ bone, here! I’m the boss, I need the info!

(Dr. Evil appears out of a plot hole)

DR. EVIL: Hey, that’s MY line, ya plagiarizing bastard!

GIOVANNI: Quiet, you! (pulls a lever, Dr. Evil falls through a trap door)

DR. EVIL: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!

GIOVANNI: Excellent, let that be a lesson to all you frickin idiots should you ever decide to piss me off!

DR. EVIL: (from deep within the hole) Hello? Can somebody hear me? Oh, god my leg is broken! Can somebody get an ambulance??

GIOVANNI: Like a frickin cockroach. James! Pull the second lever!

JAMES: Uh, sir? The second lever is RIGHT next to your wrist. Shouldn’t you...

GIOVANNI: Don’t toy with me! (fingers the second lever threateningly)

JAMES: Yipe! Ok, sorry sorry sorry!

(pulls the second lever)

DR. EVIL: AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

GIOVANNI: (evil grin) Now, back to business. So, instead of the Meowth balloon, we could get a giant robot and ...

JESSE: Um, sir? We tried that too, it didn’t work.

GIOVANNI: Well, JEEZ ya frickin party pooper, ya didn’t even let me FINISH! As I was saying, we could strap a GIANT vacuum cleaner and ...

JESSE: Again, sir, we’ve tried that as well. It didn’t work. Plus, it’s a little bad for our image.

GIOVANNI: No comprende?

JESSIE: Well, you know sir...don’t you...get it...sir?

GIOVANNI: I don’t follow.

JESSE: You know...the power to suck mightily and...

GIOVANNI: Yeah...that’s kind of what I was...going for...

JESSE: Oh I give up. >_<

GIOVANNI: And after that, we could hold Pikachu ransom for ONE MMMMMEEEEEELIIIION...Pesos...

JAMES: Pesos, sir?

GIOVANNI: I’m planning on going to Tijuana this weekend.

JAMES: Ooohhh, TJ! Can I come?

GIOVANNI: No.

JAMES: Oh...

(awkward silence)

JAMES: Umm...may I ask why?

GIOVANNI: Because your face disturbs me.

JAMES: >_<

GIOVANNI: See? That was really disturbing! Now, back to the plan! You three will get a giant robot with the giant vacuum and suck Pikachu!

ALL: o_O

GIOVANNI: Was that an innuendo or something?

MEOWTH: I’m sure somebody will think it is. >_<

GIOVANNI: Alright, then, it’s settled. James! Quit boggarting the weed!

JAMES: * singing * Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends?

(insert cheesy rock music here)

(we now go to Ash and Co. who are still in that random forest)

MISTY: Hey Ash, we’re almost to Dung Pile City and...JESUS CHRIST ON A MOTORCYCLE!!

ASH: What! What’s going on??? Is it Team Rocket? Who is it, Misty?

MISTY: Exactly as I said, cutie. * points * Jesus Christ on a motorcycle.

JESUS: READ THE BIBLE...um...MY CHILDREN! * speeds away *

MISTY: Well, that was random. Anyway’s where are we and ... GREAT CAESARS GHOST!

ASH: What is it now???

MISTY: Caesars ghost. Duh. -_-

CAESAR: I came, I saw, I...waitasec...LINE!!! Oh yeah, boo. * disappears *

MISTY: MEGAMANZERO!!!! What’s with all the random celebrities!? You could at least make a hot one appear, like Leonardo DiCaprio!!

MEGAMANZERO: Leonardo DiVinci??? o_O Okaaaaay...whatever floats your boat...

MISTY: No, wait!

LD: I’m a smarty genius person. What is the square root of a piece of pie??? * disappears into a giant plot hole *

BROCK: COME, JABRONI! THE BROCK CHALLENGES YOU TO A STEEL CAGE MATCH!

ASH: Eep...o_O

(A magical wrestling ring appears out of nowhere...and stuff)

BROCK: HAHA! THE BROCK WILL NOW USE HIS SUPER-SECRET-ULTRA-MEGA-COOL-BODACIOUS-NEVERBEFORESEEN-TUBULAR-SMASHER MOVE!!! THE JABRONI SANDWICH!!! Not to be confused with the balony sandwich.

(a bazzlion seconds later)

ASH: -_#

BROCK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA * smokes his weed * HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH * unfeeds his printer * HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA * BLAM *

MISTY: Somebody had to do it.

ASH: O_O

MISTY: What? Hey, can I get down your pants now?

ASH: No.

MISTY: Want some pie? (pulls out a pie from her pocket)

ASH: (like Homer Simpson) Mmmmmmm...pocket pie... (eats the pie) Hmm...it appears that I am suddenly horny...touché.

MISTY: Alright! I knew that Ecstasy would work! Wanna do it?

ASH: Sure.

(three hours later)

MISTY: WHO’S YOUR MAMA, HUH? WHO!?

ASH: Zzzzzzzzzz...

MISTY: Oh, poopie, he fell asleep. Hmm...I think I’ll eat some pie. Mmmm...pocket pie. Waitasec...NOOOOOOOO!!! Now I’m horny and there’s nobody to do it with! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

MEGAMANZERO: Um, why are you mooing?

MISTY: You’re the one writing, smart guy. -_-

MEGAMANZERO: Oh, silly me. ^_^ (waves his Giant Foam Finger of Holiness)

* * * *

(Meanwhile, back in the treehouse...uh...TOP SECRET TEAM ROCKET BASE OF EVILNESS, the bad guys are sitting around like a bunch of stoned idiots. Oh wait, they ARE stoned.)

GIOVANNI: What is the meaning of life? Mmmmm, cookies are good, hah hah hah hah, especially mailboxes, hah hah hah hah, I said “mailboxes”.

JAMES: Hah hah hah hah, you said “said”.

JESSE: Hah hah hah hah, you said “Jesse, I want to screw your brains out until we break the bed.”

JAMES: No I didn’t.

JESSE: Don’t try and trick me...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

MEOWTH: Why am I not getting stoned, dammit!? Waitaminute, this isn’t weed! It’s paprika!

GIOVANNI: Dude, pass the paprika.

JAMES: Ok, dude.

GIOVANNI: I love you, dude.

JAMES: I love you too, dude.

GIOVANNI: You are the greatest dude that ever said “dude”.

JAMES: And you are the most dudedaciosly dudiest dude that ever duded, dude.

GIOVANNI: That was the dudest thing you’ve ever duded, dude.

JAMES: Yeah, dude.

(silence)

JAMES: Dude?

GIOVANNI: Yeah, dude?

JAMES: Are you my dude?

GIOVANNI: Yeah, dude.

JAMES: And am I your dude?

GIOVANNI: Totally, dude.

JAMES: Dude, my hair is blue.

GIOVANNI: Can I tell you a secret???

JAMES: What is dude? This better be about a dude.

GIOVANNI: I see white people...all the time. O_O

(And then they said dude some more...and smoked some paprika...The End...of the chapter, anyway o_O)

Well, long story short, they smoked too much Paprika and got brain damage and died, the end.

For now...

(insert twilight zone music here)