Mizzy-chan's Happy Horrible Mutant Machine
By Mega Rose
Helloooooooo...whatcha doin'? I am the greatest insane genius in all of Kanto, but you shall call me Mizzy-chan. OR ELSE!!! ...Ahem. Anyway, since you're here (I assume you're more of those invisible fish-people who keep trying to clean my feet), I wanna tell you a story. SIT DOWN!!! Goooooooooooood...now stay there and don't talk. Here is the tale...of Mizzy-chan's Happy Horrible Mutant Machine!!!
One day I was eating instant ramen in my secret underground laboratory lair-thingy. The underground weather was sunny. I think. Who knows. Anyway, I was eating chocolate broccoli in my underground lab. Suddenly, the roof started to crumble...a lot. SMOOSH! Some...THING fell through! The three humans and their Pokemon seemed to be stunned. Not dead though. Darn.
"Master Mizzy-chan!" One of my many assistants, Trink-chan, ran into the room. "I heard a crash and...oh! What's happened?"
"...Uh...What?"
"Huh?"
"Gasp! Trink-chan! There's a hole in the ceiling!"
"Really? Where? Oh! I can't believe I didn't notice it!" Heh. Not the brightest light on the Christmas Tree, eh? I play with her mind a lot. Like now. Of course I noticed the hole. Watch what I do next.
"Yeah! Wow! ...Gasp! Trink-chan! There's a hole in the ceiling!
"Really? Where?"
"Moron! We had this conversation already! Take the intruders to Ye Olde Dungeon of Terror!" Heh. I almost sorta kinda maybe feel sorry for poor Trink. She dragged the dazed intruders to the Ye Olde Dungeon.
Ash came to his senses as he was dragged down a dark hall. A girl had him, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Togepi piled onto an old bedsheet, which she pulled down the dank corridor. She looked at him with large, innocent eyes.
"Oh, you're awake!" Her voice was high-pitched and squeaky. "I have to take you to Ye Olde Dungeon of Terror. Master's orders. I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience. I suppose you're a bit uncomfortable." She smiled. She was totally oblivious to the fact that she was dragging them to a dungeon, which was a bad thing.
"Wha...who are you? What's going on?"
The girl smiled and giggled. "You don't remember? You fell down from the surface into Master's dining room. Master ordered me to take you to Ye Olde Dungeon of Terror. Ah, here we are!"
She tossed the bundle of prisoners into a large room full of strange, dangerous-looking equipment. She placed Ash and his unconscious friends into shackles chained to the wall. Their backpacks were placed on a table, and the Pokemon were released from their Pokeballs and put into cages. The ditzy smile never left her face.
"The Master will be in shortly. Please make yourself comfortable. Oh...I guess not." She giggled some more. She bowed and left the room. Pikachu, who had awoken somewhere in the proccess of placing them all in their separate mini-prisons, was hissing at the girl, with all his fur standing on end. That's when Ash noticed that peeking out from under her skirt was a yellow tail. At the top of her head were Pikachu ears. Something was horribly wrong here.
"Dig faster!"
"But Jesse, I'm tired...can't we have lunch now?"
SMACK! Jesse hit James over the head with a paper fan. Where'd that come from? Hmm. "No! We're already late! The twerps should've been by here by now!"
The two continued to dig, as Meowth looked around, making sure nobody saw them. It's amazing how they can continue to use the old pitfall trap and not realize that it doesn't work. It's equally amazing how the 'twerps,' as they call them, could fall into the old pitfall trap every time. I watched from a distance. I was worried.
"Pardon me for interrupting, but we really shouldn't dig here. We are directly over Mizara's Lair and--"
"When did you get out? Back in your Pokeball!" Sigh. It's a pity that they don't understand. All they hear is "Wobbuffet" over and over again. Oh, well.
"Hey, I hit something!" James called out to us. Everybody looked into the hole. James's shovel had gone through the dirt and was hitting something. We climbed in to see, and...the floor collapsed!
After sending the intruders off to Ye Olde Dungeon, I finished my caramel macaroni and went to the kitchen, where my assistant, Sheffe Ducky-Pants [Author's note-That's right, her last name is Ducky-Pants. And it's hyphenated. DO NOT QUESTION THE WRATH OF MEEEEE!] cooks meals. "Heya, Chef Sheffe!" Trink-chan walked in at that moment as well.
"Master Mizzy-chan! How was the Blackbird Pie I baked for you?"
"But I thought you were eating instant ramen..." Trink-chan looked confused.
"Too much cheese." I answered.
"There's cheese in blackbird pie...?" Poor Trink was totally clueless.
"Okay, I'll put in less tomato next time. Oh, and I'll need milk for tomorrow's chicken noodle soup." Sheffe said as she chopped juice.
"Tomato? And milk in chicken noodle soup? ...How do you cut juice?" Trink was thinking so hard her brain was about to pop.
"...But I don't like seafood." Trink started to get dizzy. I love messing with her head.
Tap...tap tap. Suddenly, a shovel burst through the ceiling. It was tapping my head. Didn't hurt. Tap. Tap. SMOOSH!!! A bunch of people fell right into a pot of soup! "Oh, well that's just great!" Sheffe threw up her hands. "There's dirt in the soup. Oh, and humans too. Hmm. Not a bad idea."
"Trink-chan!"
"Yes, Master Mizzy-chan!"
"Take them to Ye Olde Dungeon of Terror!!!"
"Sir, yes sir! Ma'am!
"...And she had the ears of a Pikachu?"
"Yeah, and a tail too. I dunno what's going on, but we gotta find out!" Ash and the others, shackled to the wall, were discussing the situation.
"Hold on...do you hear that?" They all fell silent and heard the sound of many feet in the hall. The door opened, and the girl from before pulled two people and their Pokemon in. They were all shackled together. They were none other than...Team Rocket! Behind them, a young girl skipped into the room.
After the Pikachu-girl chained Jesse and James to the wall, and caged their Pokemon, the new, strange girl spoke. "Welcome, intruders! How ya doin'? Welcome to my underground lair...which you morons fell into!!! You ruined my ceiling!!! ...Ahem. I am Master Mizzy-chan, ruler of all you see before you and much you haven't seen...'cause it isn't before you...but I still rule it!!! Because you are now my prisoners...I'm gonna perform HORRIBLE science experiments on thee!!! ...I just said thee. Weird. Anyway, I will take..." She covered her eyes and spun around several times. When she stopped, she pointed, and uncovered her eyes. She was pointing at Ash. "...you first. You shall be my guinea pig! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ...Ahem. Everyone come!"
She waved her hand and suddenly, all the locks holding them back came undone. "You may put your Pokemon back, now."
Ash ran up and grabbed her. "Hey, you can't expect us to go quietly! I'm not gonna--"
Mizzy-chan smiled. "I expected that. Now, it's not my fault you fell into the lair. You broke my ceiling and for that you must pay. I could've harmed you but I didn't. I still can, if you cause me trouble. Now put your Pokemon away and I'll lead you to my lab." She poked him in the forehead, leaving behind a red mark.
Ash mumbled to himself as he and the others put the Pokemon back in their Pokeballs, with the exception of Pikachu, Togepi, and Meowth. He tried to think of ways to escape, but when he did, his mind started to wander. If he concentrated on escape for too long, he found that he would get dizzy.
"I've put a spell on your head to keep you from escaping. It'll wear off when I realease you or you die, whichever comes first. MWAHAHAHAHA!!! ...Ahem. Follow me." Mizzy-chan skipped out into the hall.
The other girl smiled. "You mustn't think ill of Master Mizzy-chan. She won't hurt you. My name is Trink. I'm her assistant. Come now, we're going to the lab." She followed her master, apparently trusting the others to do the same.
"Um...Trink? Are you...I mean...did she..."
Trink smiled. "I am a Pikachu. Master Mizzy-chan's science gave me a human form. The Master is a genius, but I fear she is a bit...touched in the head. But even if her mind isn't in the right place, her heart certainly...wait, no...she's not very nice either. Well, she certainly won't try to kill you. I suppose that doesn't make what she does right, but it certainly makes it less wrong. I think." She smiled again.
As they walked down the dank halls of the dungeon, their captor skipped and twirled and hummed an unrecognizable tune that got stuck in your head easily. Eventually they went up some stairs and into what looked like a normal building, except that the ceiling was always made of hard-packed dirt. It never seemed to crumble...but still, it was dirt. Mizzy-chan led them into a large room filled mostly by a single large machine. It was a scary-looking thing, covered in tubes and flashing lights. On it's side was a glass chamber big enough for a single person.
"Behold, the heart of all worlds: Kingdom Hearts! From these dark depths are all hearts born! Even yours. Look as hard as you are able--"
"Um, Master Mizzy-chan, this is Pokemon, not Kingdom Hearts. And you're not Ansem."
"Oh, yeeeeeah...Okay, I remember now. Ahem. Behold! The Happy Horrible Mutant Machine! I shall demonstrate it's power!!! Trink-chan! Into the thing!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Trink went into the glass chamber. Mizzy-chan frolicked over to a control panel and pressed some buttons. All the lights on the machine went on and the small glass room filled with light. When the light dimmed, in Trink's place was a normal Pikachu.
"This is Trink-chan's original form. As you can see, the Happy Horrible Mutant Machine can undo any mutations." She pressed more buttons and changed Trink back to her semi-human form. "Trink-chan, get the subject into the machine!"
Trink pulled Ash over to the glass chamber. "Don't worry. You won't feel a thing. Trust Master Mizzy-chan." Trink simply smiled her oblivious smile as Ash screamed in terror. She locked him into the machine. Mizzy-chan pressed some buttons (her eyes were closed, suggesting she was picking things at random) and all the lights went on.
As I sat in my Pokeball, listening to Mizara's ramblings, I wondered whether she would let us leave. Lady Mizara, or 'Mizzy-chan,' as she demands we call her, is the reincarnation of the ancient Pokemonopolitan Goddess of Mental Illnesses. She is insane. I decided to come out to see what was happening.
"Wobbuffet!" Nobody noticed me. Everybody was staring at the Happy Horrible Mutant Machine. Inside, a terrified Ash stood, banging on the door. A happy Mizara pressed a button to open the door. He ran out.
"Whoo-hoo! It worked!" Mizara bounced around a little. A victory dance, maybe? "I have no idea what I just did but it worked!"
"Whoa..." Jesse stared at Ash. "The twerp's...a twerpette."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!" Ash snapped.
"Trink-chan!" Mizara shouted. "Fetch the mirror!"
"Yes, Master Mizzy-chan!" Trink ran out of the room. A few moments later she returned hauling a full-length mirror. She placed it in front of Ash. Mizara walked over and pulled off Ash's jacket. Somehow...he was a she! (You all know how we can tell.) Mizara quickly put on some earmuffs.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" That was Ash, if you hadn't deduced that already. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!!! Change me back!"
"That's not as easy as it sounds but okay. First, go to China and..."
"Master Mizzy-chan, that's the wrong anime!" Trink stopped Mizara before she could forget that she wasn't in Ranma 1/2. What an insane girl. Trink has a hard job.
"Oh, yeeeeah...don't worry, my head's working properly now. Back in the thing, Ashley!" Everybody laughed. "Hey, I forgot you guys were there. I'm puttin' you to work! Can't have you standin' around here. Trink-chan, take the other prisoners to the kitchen!"
"Yes, Master! Follow me, please." Trink led the humans out of the room. Unfortuneately for me, Jesse noticed I was out again and quickly put me back in the Pokeball. Sigh.
Okay, so then we flew to...no, wait, that was DBZ. ...What was I doing again? Who are you?! Oh, yeah? Well, lemme tell you a story! One day I was eating instant ramen in--"[Author's note-Um, let's leave Mizzy-chan alone for now...her brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.]
Ash quickly ran back into the machine. Scary as it was, suddenly changing gender was much scarier. Outside, Mizzy-chan pressed some buttons to start the thing. The light blinded Ash...and he heard noises. Disturbing, squishy noises accompanied by Mizzy-chan's maniacal laughter. But when he came to his senses, he was himself again. The door opened and he ran out.
"Suddenly, the roof started to crumble...a lot. SMOOSH! Some...THING fell through!" Mizzy-chan appeared to be talking to herself...[Author's note-We are still experiencing technical mental difficulties. Please stand by.] Ash ran out the door to join the others.
Ash caught up to the others quickly. "Hey, are you okay now?" Misty asked him immediately.
"Yeah. So what's going on?"
"We are going to the kitchen." Trink, who had mysteriously appeared behind him, said. "The cook will put you to work. You needn't worry, Chef Sheffe is a good person. But everyone, you must remember one thing: Never, I mean NEVER touch her hat. Never. Ah, here we are."
Trink opened the door and led them into a HUGE kitchen. There were large pots of soups and stews everywhere. Despite the large amount of foodstuffs, the only person attending the ovens and stoves was a single duck. That's right, a duck. From behind, you'd mistake her for a young lady, until you saw the tail feathers peeking out from under her skirt. Then you'd notice that she has only four fingers on each hand. Then, when she turned around, you'd see that instead of a mouth and nose she had a duck's bill! In one hand she held what looked like an enormous green onion.
"Welcome, inferiors!!! I am Chef Sheffe Ducky-Pants, Queen of the Kitchen, Ruler of the Refrigerator, Overlord of the Ovens, Master of the...some other kitchen-type thing!!!"
"Now Sheffe, it's really not neccessary to say that every single time someone walks in..."
"Shut up! I do as I please!"
"Everyone, meet Chef Sheffe Ducky-Pants. Sheffe, I've brought the prisoners. Master Mizzy-chan says to put them to work."
Sheffe stared hard at the group. "Hmmm. It's the soup-spoilers..." She poked Jesse and James with her green onion. "And...more humans. Great. Okay, humans, how many of you know how to cook?"
"I can!" Brock immediately answered. "But Ash and Misty here can't. Trust me."
"Same here." Meowth spoke up. "I can cook, but these two can't boil water without burnin' it."
"Eh? You talk?" Sheffe leered at Meowth. "Well...at least you're not human. Okay! You two..." She poked Brock and Meowth, "Take a pot and some meat and start cooking soup. Master Mizzy-chan loves soup. You other human-pigs! This is a knife, and this is a potato. I'll let you figure this out."
"If you'd like, I can take all your Pokemon to Master Mizzy-chan's training fields above ground." Trink offered. All the Pokemon were handed to her except for Meowth, who was busy chopping up...meat...of some sort...of questionable orgin. "I'll leave you to your work."
All of us, the Pokemon, I mean, were released into a large field. The grass seemed to go on forever...until you saw the multicolored glass dome covering the whole thing. I could only imagine how we got air in there.
"I'm sorry about this," Trink said to us, "But you'll have to stay here for a while. When your trainers are permitted to leave the kitchens, I'm sure they'll come to get you."
"How can you do this?" Pikachu asked her. He apparently assumed that, having Pikachu ears, Trink would understand him and hear more than 'Pika pi! Pikachu?' "Please, let us go!"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that. ...But I'd like to, really I would. Sigh. Master Mizzy-chan is my trainer, and I must obey her, just like you. I depend on her for food. You see, I was born in captivity. I could never survive...out there. I have to stay here, and therefore I have to do as Master Mizzy-chan says. Well, let's just forget about that! Come on, lemme show you where my favorite spot is!" Trink ran off, and Pikachu followed, apparently to get more information out of her.
Ash's Totodile picked up Misty's Goldeen and went off with the other Water Pokemon to find a pond or river they could stay in. The rest of us stayed where we were. "Oh, where's Ash?" Bayleef asked in despair. "I hope nothing happened to my Ash...I have to find him!" She frantically looked around.
"Get over it! He's just a human!" James's Victreebel snapped. "Just because he's your trainer, doesn't mean you have to like him. Trust me, I know."
"No, you wrong!" James's other Pokemon, Weezing, said to him. "Master good! You say Master dumb but he not. You just mean."
"Well, that was intelligent of you. You're a real piece of work, you know that?!"
"Everyone, silence!" I butted in. "Fighting will get us no closer to escape! When Mizara wants to, she can be very dangerous. We have to have a very good plan if we're going to get out of here!"
"Mizara? Who's this Mizara? You know something we don't, Wobbuffet. Come to think of it, you seem be a lot smarter than you let us believe. Who are you?!!!"
"My identity is of no importance. As I was saying, we need a very good plan, but I suspect that Mizara has ways of watching us. We need a place to go where she can't discover our plotting. Perhaps that Trink girl can help us. Noctowl?"
Ash's Noctowl flew over to me. "Yes?"
"Please fly up and locate Pikachu and Trink."
"Right." He flew up. "This way!"
Noctowl led us to where Trink was showing Pikachu a hole under a tree. "When I was little, I would come here when I was afraid that Master Mizzy-chan was about to do something...more insane than usual...but I won't fit in there now." The hole in question was quite small, but it's position near a river and under a large tree made it a good spot to go to.
"Miss Trink, Miza...ah, Mizzy-chan has ways of watching us, doesn't she?" I asked. Trink nodded. "But if we were, say, underground, would she be able to see and hear us?"
"Why...no, I think not. And...this hole here...the dirt is soft so it could easily be expanded..." Trink was catching on. I could see it in her eyes, she wanted us to escape.
"Thank you, Miss Trink. Everyone! Come, let's start digging!"
"And then the squirrel came to feed chocolate butterflies to all the happy little children of Toenail Land. But unfortunately, he also fed them some funny mushrooms. And they all died. The end!"
"Master Mizzy-chan, what are you talking about?" Sheffe asked me.
"What? Where am I?" I looked around and found that I was in the kitchen. "Now, how did I get here? Hmmm. Oh, well. Whatcha cookin'?"
"Soup. Just like yesterday. Just like last week. Just...soup." I don't think Sheffe likes cooking the same thing all the time.
"Yaaaaaay! What about the Pokemon? What'll they eat?"
"Actually, I have one of the prisoners making the Pokemon food. That Brock guy apparently does this all the time."
"Okay...where's Trink?"
"She's...in the Training Fields."
"Great, whatever. Lemme taste the soup!"
"Master Mizzy-chan, the soup tastes exactly the same every time you--"
"SOUP TASTE FOR MEEEEEE!!!"
"Fine! Whatever!"
I dipped a spoon into the nearest pot and tested the soup. Me likie soup. Soup good. Did you ever notice how when you look at it upside down, a seagull looks like a horrible mutated upside-down alien from the Planet of the Bacon Bunnies where people wear shoes on their feet? You didn't? Good, 'cause they don't.
"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"
"I just did!"
"No, I didn't hear you say anything. You must've imagined it."
"Oh, and I'll bet you're gonna say the car chase where that Mankey kept falling asleep on Nurse Joy's head while she skydived off the edge of a piece of cheese in a fatal attempt to reach the Land of the Furbies was just my imagination too, huh? HUH?!!!"
"Yeah...probably. Was the Mankey shiny?"
"Yeah, and the flying shoes were strawberry-banana flavored. Oh, and the noodles were green." [Author's note-I'm as confused as you are.]
"Oh, that was on the news last night."
"Ha! I win! I am now the queen of your sunken battleship which has just passed go! Praise me in all my mouse-trapping, go-fishing, radioactive glory! PRAISE FOR MEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Okay, now you're just being weird."
"..........................Whatcha cookin'?
"Mizzy-chan, you dork!" I looked around The voice seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once. There's only one explanation for that...the author, Mega Rose, was talking to me. "This is a story! It's supposed to have a PLOT!!! So stop being insane and do something important!"
"Make me!"
"Okay, watch this!" Mizzy-chan suddenly found herself on the edge of a cliff. A cliff that was on fire. She jumped, and plummetted to the ground below that was covered in sharp, pointy rocks. When she hit the ground, rabid Tyranitars suddenly started gnawing at her hair. And then, out of the sky, a giant alien battleship swooped in and--
"Noooooo! Not again! Okay, okay, I'll get on with the story!"
"I'm listening."
"Okay...uh...to be continued!"
"Ugh. Oh, well. To be continued, then."
Hey, Pokemaniacs! Yeah, you. You wouldn't be reading this if you didn't like either Pokemon, or insane girls doing horrible scientific experiments on cartoon characters. Either way, if you send in your idea for a scene, line, or 'action phrase' to be shouted at inappropriate times, it might show up in the next part of Mizzy-chan's Happy Horrible Mutant Machine! Send your idea to GameGirlColor@hotmail.com. My favorites will be put into the story. I would prefer that the entrys would be written from Mizzy-chan's point of view, but it's up to you. Oh, and put 'Mizzy-chan's HHMM' in the subject, or it might be mistaken for junk mail. Here are some examples of what I would like:
Example of a scene: Mizzy-chan put a large bar of soap on Ash's head. "What'd you do that for?" He asked.
"Lemony-fresh good luck! It's magically delicious!"
"Okaaaaay...maybe...you should keep it."
"WHAAAAAAT?!!! You deny my offering of happy moose?! Hearts, stars, and horseshoes!!!" Mizzy-chan began to hop around the room yelling "RAINBOWS!!!" at the top of her lungs.
Example of a line: "Whoo-hoo! Bring on the cheese, for I have caused discomfort on your feet! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Example of an 'action phrase:' "FROOT LOOP BUNNIES!!!!!!"
Well, thanks for tolerating my insanity! Now go away!