The Campfire

|//~~~~~\\|

Out of the curtains Fred the Machamp appeared, with Neptune in his hands.

"Hi everybody, me Fred," Fred announced slowly.

"And I am Neptune, everybody’s lovable psychic Magikarp," Neptune cried. "And I’m predicting that today we have –"

"Cheese?" Fred questioned.

Neptune stopped. "Cheese?" he repeated.

"Neptune say ‘Today we have-‘ so Fred guess cheese."

"No today we have an unpredictable show!" Neptune finished.

"Fred no understand," Fred piped up.

"How can you not understand that?" Neptune demanded. "I’m sensing confusion here."

"First Neptune say ‘I am predicting’ then Neptune say ‘we have an unpredictable show’. Where sense in that?" Fred questioned.

"Who cares!" Neptune cried. "Let’s go and get on with it!"

|//~~~~~\\|

"Isn’t it good to be out in the bush?" Pichu breathed in and exhaled happily.

"No food, no water, no communication," Olli grumbled.

"NO PIZZA GALAXY!" Sala wailed.

"Heavy bags, heavy sleeping bags," Olli continued, struggling to walk with all the backpacks on his back.

"I sense trouble, Lord Neptune is warning me to be very careful," Neptune piped up.

"Nobody really cares," Mohammed the Caterpie replied.

"What are you doing here Mohammed?" Pichu asked.

"I had to bring him, he’s my boss and I want a pay rise," Bruno answered.

"I never said anything about a pay rise," Mohammed replied.

"I know, I did."

"Fred tired. Fred hungry." Guess who?

"No new people, no other females, no shelter, no hammers," Olli continued.

"Are you going to give Bruno a pay rise?" Pichu wanted to know.

"No," answered Mohammed.

"Yes," Bruno said at the same time.

"Why should I, the great Mohammed, give Bruno extra money?" Mohammed pointed out obnoxiously.

"Steel kettle, CD player, heavy stack of CD’s, a plastic bag," Olli grumbled. "A barbecue, a clothesline, 3 sausages."

"So that the great Mohammed won’t have to get his perfect paws wet washing dishes, so he wont have to burn his body putting pizza’s in the oven and so he wont have to waste his precious time delivering pizza," Bruno answered.

"You have a point. 2 ¢ extra a day," Mohammed offered.

"5 ¢," Bruno argued.

"3 ¢," Mohammed disagreed.

"4 ¢," Bruno suggested.

"Deal."

"Is it really worth it for 4 ¢ a day?" Pichu questioned.

"Yes!" Bruno replied defensively.

"No pizza…" Sala sobbed to herself.

"A torch, a bottle with apple juice… that’s not apple juice… eww," Olli grimaced and kept complaining.

"Fred want to stop, Fred arms hurt, Fred feet hurt," Fred said. "Please stop?"

"I can sense a terrible camping trip, Lord Neptune is really warning me," Neptune added.

"3 packets of pegs, a jar of nails, a pen, a photo of pizza, really heavy baseball equipment… who plays baseball here?" Olli asked.

"Nobody," Sala answered, before returning to sobbing.

"Then why have I been carrying a baseball kit around for half a day?" Olli demanded.

"I don’t know, you packed the bags," Sala replied.

*

"Ah finally I can put these bags down!" Olli sighed dumping everything with a clang.

"We have to start a campfire," Pichu announced.

"I can do that," Bruno volunteered.

"Fred get scared, it dark," Fred suddenly said.

"Um… am I going to have to get firewood?" Bruno asked.

"Well no we’re going to make a fire out of grass and burn up the place," Pichu replied.

"Sala come with me, I’m scared of the dark," Bruno confessed, grabbing Sala and dragging her away.

"Oy! You made me drop my pizza photo!" Sala protested.

*

"It’s really dark, I’m scared," Bruno whimpered as he and Sala tracked through the bush trying to find suitable firewood. A branch suddenly came out of no where and whacked Bruno in the face. "Sala don’t do that!"

"Okay," Sala shrugged; not knowing what Bruno was talking about.

"Sala can you walk faster," Bruno requested. "Please?"

"Sure," Sala agreed, shrugging. She looked at Bruno for a moment, and grinned slowly, an idea coming to her mind.

*

"I can sense it, big trouble," Neptune began.

"Well we’re in the dark, no light, we’re cold, no heat and somebody forgot to pack food," Pichu grumbled, his temper rising.

"Well I wasn’t supposed to pack everything!" Olli retorted.

"Why did you bring a baseball kit? And an empty fridge? And a bottle of apple juice?" Pichu argued.

"Um, Pichu…" Olli began, but looked up when Mohammed returned from the tent.

"Olli I think that apple juice of yours is off, it tasted strange, and my perfect taste buds prefer the taste of perfect apple juice for the perfect person," Mohammed notified Olli. Olli gulped and turned to Pichu.

"You mean…" Pichu began. Olli nodded. "Oh boy…" Pichu trailed off, then started to snort with laughter. He snorted so hard that a boogie came out of his nose and he ran off to find something to wipe it with.

"What’s with him?" Mohammed asked.

Olli smiled. "You don’t want to know."

*

"Bruno," Sala began. "Do you think that Mohammed would give me my job back?"

"Mohammed?" Bruno repeated. "Give you your job back?"

"Uh huh," Sala nodded.

"You must be joking, the only reason he gave it too you in the first place was because you faked being Bob," Bruno scoffed.

Sala snorted angrily. "Good bye then," she huffed and turned to walk away.

"No Sala! Get back here! I need the light!" Bruno begged. Sala snorted in response and Bruno sighed. "All right I’ll try getting your job back!"

Sala turned around. "Really?"

"Really," Bruno groaned.

"That’s more like it," Sala grinned running back to Bruno and hugging him.

*

"Olli you better tell him," Neptune said, glancing over at Mohammed who was inspecting his face in the hand mirror.

"I can’t, if I do I’ll get myself into trouble," Olli replied.

"Fred do?" Fred offered.

"No Fred."
"Fred sad now," Fred complained.

"Lord Neptune is sending me a message," Neptune announced. "He says that danger approaches yellow rodents while fiery tails are trouble to most innocence."

"Not another of your riddles," Olli sighed.

"Fred say hold on," Fred said. "Neptune say Pichu in danger and Sala dangerous to innocent pokemon. Fred worry."

"Fred don’t worry," Olli replied. "It’s all crap."

*

Pichu walked through the dark, holding the boogie in his nose, sniffing. He ran trying to find something to wash or wipe it away with, and crashed into another yellow rodent. He fell on the ground and looked up, finger in nose.

The yellow rodent in front of him turned around to be a very hot Pikachu in a short skirt and tight top. She looked at him and Pichu gazed back, dreamily.

"Your finger is up your nose," she informed him.

Pichu turned bright red, and pulled his finger from his nose, as well as a long green slimy boogie.

*

Sala grew bored following Bruno around for firewood, and seeing it was really dark now, she yawned and shivered. "I’m cold," she told Bruno. "Can we go back?"

"Not until I find firewood," Bruno replied.

"Look we’ll just get a stick and call it a night, I’m cold, hungry and want pizza and I’m about to explode," Sala told him.

"But what about the firewood?" Bruno asked.

"WE’RE GOING BACK RIGHT NOW WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!" Sala yelled, swinging her tail around as she turned to walk back.

*

"It was horrible," Pichu sobbed. "I had this huge boogie hanging from my nose and the female Pikachu was just looking at me like I was a baby!"

"So what happened?" Olli asked.

"What did I tell you?" Neptune smirked.

"Then she grabbed a hanky and dropped it next to me and left!" Pichu wailed.

"Blow your nose then! It’s not good for the uttermost perfect eyes to gaze upon the snot of an electric rat," Mohammed snapped. "It’s too dark to see my face! What a tragedy!"

"Fred very sorry," Fred sympathized.

"Let’s get out of here!" Sala snapped coming into camp. She looked around. Pichu was crying with a huge piece of green slime coming from his nose, Mohammed had a mirror in one paw and the bottle of ‘Apple Juice’ in the other paw. Sala went over to Mohammed, sniffed the bottle and cracked up laughing.

"What is it with people?" Mohammed asked. "It’s only stale apple juice."

"Um, I have something to tell you," Olli began. "That isn’t apple juice."

"Good lord what is it?" Mohammed cried.

"It’s… its apple cider, Granny Raichu style," Olli finished, with a smile. Mohammed shrugged and sculled the rest of the bottle.

|//~~~~~\\|

"Hello everybody!" Pichu waved, entering the stage. "I am Pichu." He bowed to the audience. "And I appear to be all alone. Ah, here comes somebody."

Mohammed entered the stage, looking sick.

"Mohammed, are you okay? You look green," Pichu commented.

"I…" Mohammed uttered.

"You look terrible!" Pichu exclaimed.

"I look perfect as usual, I fee terrible," Mohammed responded. "I just found out… I found out…"

"You found out that that wasn’t apple juice or apple cider you were drinking? It was really Olli’s liquid waste," Pichu guessed.

"It was?" Mohammed gasped. "I just found out that Sala want’s her job back."

"Oh," Pichu cringed. "Well come on, you’ll feel better soon… bye everybody!"