Sunlight in Your Universe

Chapter Three--Of Hotdogs and Soap Operas

AN: In the soap opera scene: Think Ash is exaggerating? He's noo-oot... Yes, they really are that bad. The soap that the summary was based on is real, and you can find its name in Ash's fake title--a tribute to the undead. *shudders* Don't blame me, I don't have a choice but to watch it...Really!

~*~

"This is...extremely pathetic," Brock said, backing further away from the fire.

"Yeah, well, the Johto Council doesn't consider us a town, so we don't get any extra funding," Joy said bitterly. "No trainer accommodations, no gym, bare-bones Pokemart--except for the TMs..."

"But ROASTING WEENIES?!" Brock said.

"Oh, chill out, Brock," Misty said, pulling her hot dog out of the campfire in the alley. "We used to do this all the time!"

"That was by CHOICE." Brock looked at his hot dog as it burst into flame. "Huh. Interesting."

Misty sighed, taking a bite out of her finished hot dog. "It is not THAT bad! Oh, did you notice your stick's on fire?"

"And the hot dog, too," Brock said.

"...And you're just sitting there, why?" Misty asked.

"I'm just suddenly really not hungry," Brock said as the end of his stick, including the hot dog, turned into ash.

Misty slapped her forehead. "I have been through weird, freaked-out, insane evenings before, but this is the weirdest dang night I've ever seen."

"Yep!" said Joy. "People say it's because of a strange Pokemon seen flitting through the woods! They say it thrives on laughter and insanity!"

"Yeah." Misty sighed. "Let's just skip the stupid marshmallows and go in, ok?"

"But I love roasted marshmallows..." Joy whined.

"Okay, stay out, whatever." Misty dragged Brock in.

"But I like marshmallows too..." Brock whined.

Misty dropped Brock and turned on him. "Brock, what the heck are we doing here?"

Brock lifted his eyebrows. "Looking for Ash."

"Okay, another question: WHY?!" Misty yelled.

"What do you mean by THAT?!"

"You know as well as I do that Ash could not be here!" Misty yelled.

"Yeah? Why not?"

"Because there is NO one anywhere NEAR here that would kidnap him, and there is no way in heaven or earth that he would run away to THIS dump!" Misty yelled.

"Why wouldn't he?" Brock asked.

"... That's not the point!" Misty yelled. "Obviously, wherever he is, even if he IS out there somewhere, he doesn't want to be found!!"

"He will eventually!" Brock said, exasperated.

Misty leaned forward. "You know Ash as well as I do, that kid will NEVER change his mind."

"But he will!"

"We don't even have any reason to believe he's in Johto!"

"What about that guy Jasmine kept talking about? The one who healed the Pokemon in her lighthouse and had about a jillion badges?" Brock asked.

"Brock, that dude had WHITE HAIR," Misty said. "Ash does NOT have white hair, did you ever notice that? And he could NEVER dye it white and have no one notice! You can tell those kinds of things!"

"I never said he dyed it."

"...Brock, you are nearing the edge of insanity."

"Why won't you believe me?!" Brock yelled. "Why do you refuse to believe that that Pokemon might have been Ash?"

"Brock, have you LISTENED to yourself?!" Misty said. "You're saying that Ash was captured by Team Rocket and turned into a hybrid Mew!"

"It's possible!"

Misty just laughed. "Brock, does Joy know you've gone insane?"

"By your standard of insanity, yes."

"And she's still marrying you?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe she wouldn't say you were insane and shove you in a hospital!! Unless--" Misty stopped. "She BELIEVES you?!"

"Actually, she does."

Misty moaned. "I can't believe this. You've BOTH gone insane."

"Maybe it's YOU."

"What?!"

"If you're still going to marry Darien, maybe you ARE insane," Brock said, making his stand.

"Why, may I ask, is marrying Darien insane?" said Misty coldly.

"It'll never work."

"What do you mean by that?!"

"You don't love him, and he's using you. You ever wondered where he got all that money? Ask the Joy network. They'll tell you better stories than you'll see in a soap opera."

Misty's jaw dropped. "Brock!! Are you accusing Darien of scamming me?!"

"He'll visit the gym soon enough. Cereulean isn't that prosperous, and you have only a fourth of the gym's proceeds. Also, it's been too long. I'd say it'll be soon, and the sooner the better. Then maybe we can end all this..."

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is, and I don't see why you're so angry! In the end, what would you lose?!"

Misty looked up at him, tears actually in her eyes "Brock, why are you SAYING this?"

"Because I actually care what happens to you!!" he yelled.

In the room they had been given at the Pokemon League, Misty controlled her tears and continued to pack.

The sound of a door closing told her that Ash had slipped out of the awards ceremony earlier than she'd thought he would. She permitted herself an "Aw, MAN..." before trying to defend what she was trying to dissuade herself from herself.

"Misty? Ash asked, hearing her voice, but not what she said. He opened the door. "Misty, are you _packing_? We aren't leaving _yet_-- if we _are_ leaving, that is..." He bit his lip, wondering about the details that had been postponed until tomorrow.
"My sisters called," she said, businesslike. "They need some help at the gym."

"What _kind_ of help? Extra battler? New Gym Leader? Fixing the windows?" he asked cautiously.

She sighed. "Ash, my sisters couldn't do paperwork if the gym depended on it, which it does. One of their junior trainers did it, but she quit, and now, _somebody_ has to do it."

"So, they need your help hiring someone?"

"NO! Ash, they want ME to do it!" she said, wondering if Ash was that dense on purpose.

"What?! That's the biggest load of--"

"Ash, they _need_ me," Misty said, trying to believe it.

"So why the heck don't they HIRE someone?!"

"If they do that, says Lily, they won't be able to afford new swimsuits this year."

"Then they can use the old ones!"

They heard the door open again. "Hey Ash, everyone's looking for you at the party, including this bunch of really hot girls!"

"I noticed! That's why I'm here!"

Brock walked in, shaking his head. "Someday, Ash, someday... Hey, Misty, are you _packing_?"

"Um, yeah..."

"Her sisters called and they want her to come back to be their accountant," Ash summarized.

"...Ok, so why are you packing?"

"I can't just leave them in the lurch!"

"Why not? They can HIRE a new accountant!" Ash paused a moment, trying to figure out how best to say what he was thinking. "I--we--Indigo Plateau could NEVER replace YOU!"

"Ash, why are you trying to stop me?" she asked.

"Because I actually CARE what HAPPENS to you! Your sisters will sell you into slavery if you go over there!" Ash bit his lip, knowing that Brock was looking at him and hoping he hadn't lynched himself.

There was slurred laughter from Ash's backpack.

"Oh good, he's awake!" Ash said, pulling off his backpack and opening the flap. "Pikachu, listen carefully," he said as he lifted Pikachu out; "Who spiked the punch?"

"Pika... Pi-hee-hee-hee-hee..." Pikachu said, before passing out.

Ash moaned, then put Pikachu in his sleeping bag. "I am going to KILL that Lance dude... Once he wakes up, that is..." He noticed Brock and Misty staring at him and coughed.

"Ash, I can't just _go to that phone_ and _tell my sisters to buzz off_," Misty said.

"Why not?!" Ash said, swirling around.

"_Ash_, did you hear me? I said, I can't just GO TO THE PHONE and TELL MY SISTERS to BUZZ OFF." She stared at him indecipherably.

"Oh yeah!" Ash said, getting it. He walked to the phone and whispered something to Brock, who laughed and turned out the lights.

Ash dialed a number and took off his hat as Brock dragged a tall light behind him. He turned it on so it acted like a dim spotlight as the sisters picked up.

"Like, hello?"

Ash deepened his voice. "Hello, sisters--though perhaps I shouldn't call you that. You most certaintly are NOT nuns." He laughed darkly.

All three sisters were on the screen looking at Ash, who was trying to make himself look bigger while making sure his face stayed in shadow.

"Like, who ARE you? And why are you calling? And most of all, why are you INSULTING us?!"

"Why am I insulting you? Oh, because you make it just too easy," Ash said, laughing a little."Who am I? That is of little importance. Why I am calling...That is the only worthy question you have asked."

"Like, he must be the leader of Team Rocket!" Violet whispered.

"Yes! You have guessed it," Ash said, sounding darkly pompous. "I am, in fact, the leader of Team Rocket."

"Look, we'll pay you back, we swear!!"

Everyone stared at the screen.

Ash came out of it first. "Of course you shall. Team Rocket does not let its debts go unpaid for long..." he trailed off ominously. "But that is not the matter at hand."

"Huh? Like, what is it then?"

"I believe you have a sister?" He gestured to the side. Brock turned on another lamp, shining a spotlight on Misty, who was gagged and doing her best to pretend to be bound.

"Like, Misty!!" the sisters yelled.

"Yes, I have captured Misty!!" Ash roared in evil delight.

Misty made several sounds through her gag that sounded very rude.

Ash turned around. "Shut-up. Shut up."

Misty mumbled something that sounded vaguely like, "Make me, moron!"

"Shut up! Jeeze!" Ash said, then quickly sat back down and coughed, resuming his deep voice. "So you see why I have called you."

"Um, actually, like no..."

Ash sweatdropped. "I have your sister in my evil grasp! Are you not concerned?!"

"Like, no! 'Cept we'll have to hire a secretary... Darn."

"Are you her SISTERS?!" Ash yelled, losing the deep voice again.

Brock had to hold Misty's hands behind her to keep her from giving her sisters the finger.

"Like, you won't hurt her or anything. We'd kick your butt. And her boyfriend?" Daisy laughed. "He's the new Master. He could kick your butt all over the floor. And also she's adopted."

Ash sweatdropped. "I was not aware that she had a boyfriend, or that she was adopted."

"Well, you haven't seen her and this twerp. Man, it's so funny! They have no clue!" She laughed.

"And the adopted thing?"

"That was a joke, sort of... We told her she was adopted once, and she totally blew up... And also, we treat her like Cinderella, so we figured, what the heck, it sums up our relationship. Hey, like maybe she IS adopted! I'll like have to find out some day!"

Ash sweatdropped again. "You are truly the most imbecilic creatures I have ever seen..."

"Thanks!"

Ash sighed. "I suppose that shall be all. Good-bye, sisters."

"I swear we'll pay you!" Daisy called.

Ash sweatdropped yet again and hung up the phone.

Misty ripped the fake gag out of her mouth. "GAAH! My sisters are not only the devil's stupid girlfriends incarnate, they're in debt to TEAM ROCKET!"

Ash was about to say something when a group of fangirls threw open the door and rushed in.

Chaos ensued, and it would be a long time before Misty's sisters were ever mentioned again.

Misty sighed. "Good night Brock, we'll talk about it later."

Brock sighed as she walked out. Sooner or later....

Hopefully sooner.

~*~

"No."

<Yes.>

"NO."

<YES!>

"NO!!!"

<YESSSSS! Yes yes yes! Come ON Ash, I won fair and square!> Pikachu said.

"You didn't tell me WHAT you'd win!" Ash yelled.

"In Japanese?! THAT DOESN'T COUNT!"

"I didn't know what I was saying!"

<Oh, puh-leaze....>

"Look, just because you won at rock-paper-scissors--"

"--doesn't mean you can make me go to Mom's house--"

"--and give her a heart attack!" Ash finished.

<Oh come on. What's the worst that could happen?> Pikachu asked.

"Let's see... I could accidentally kill my mom, then get captured by Professor Oak, and sent for testing to New Island, which would then be taken over by Giovanni, and then blasted by Mewtwo in further revenge--"

"You're right, it's as likely as seeing a Pikachu with wings! What WAS I thinking?" Ash said sarcastically.

<Funny.>

"Come on, Pikachu, nothing is impossible anymore."

They blinked as they saw the scenery change abruptly, from forest to a field by the foot of a mountain.

"No problem."

Ash yelped as he was tackled by several Pokemon from behind. "What the--"

<It's that guy!> a Venusaur said.

<Yeah, the moron!> roared a Charizard.

<I don't think it's nice to call him a moron, I mean think about it...> said a Blastoise.

"Oh yeah," Ash said. "But if you're here, and we're here, that must mean--"

"Lugia, stop following me, I'm busy!" a familiar deep voice yelled from somewhere inside the cave in the mountain.

"You owe me six dollars. I am not leaving until you pay me back." said another voice.

"Oh yeah, and where am I supposed to get six dollars?!" Mewtwo yelled.

"Beat a trainer?" Lugia suggested.

"Just bill me later, all right? I know where you live--when you aren't here freeloading."

Ash raised his eyebrows. "Lugia freeloading. I never would've guessed it."

<He seemed all business when we met him...But Mewtwo's probably exaggerating,> Pikachu commented.

"Wouldn't be surprised."

"Okay, okay, I shall leave," Lugia said.

Mewtwo walked out of the cave. "Ah, hello, puny mortal--"

Mew flitted out and bopped him on the head.

"Er, sorry. Hello, Ash Ketchum. I suppose you are wondering who I am." Mewtwo said.

"Nope," Ash said.

Mewtwo blinked several times. "I suppose you are merely not curious...yes, that must be it... I am Mewtwo, a one-of-a-kind Pokemon created from the DNA of a Mew by scientists on--"

Ash moved his hand in a 'move-it-along' gesture. "New Island, then you escaped and blew them up, and called up a huge storm and invited trainers to come there, and then cloned their Pokemon and wreaked havoc, and then got in a fight with a Mew, and--"

<Oh yeah, I still have to KILL him for that!> Pikachu said, restraining his pain at the memory.

"But--how could you know?" Mewtwo asked. "I wiped your memories..."

<Ash!> Pikachu said. <He doesn't know! I can't believe it! He calls himself the most powerful Pokemon on earth, and he doesn't know!>

Ash laughed. "Cool! Maybe now he'll stop calling people puny mortals!"

"I don't know _what_?" Mewtwo asked.

Mew laughed and winked at them, flitting around with its perpetual giggle.

Mewtwo stared as Ash started glowing, then changed from his old form to Mew.

Pikachu let his transformation go too, for effect.

Mewtwo continued staring for a second. "You're a--?"

<Yep!> Ash said.

He stared for a few more seconds before he fainted.

<See Pikachu, I _told_ you! There is no way I can go to Mom's house, she'd have a heart attack or at least faint!> Ash said as Mew doggedly continued to Water Gun Mewtwo.

<Oh, please...> Ash sighed.

<Ash, just think about it. You know you want to see her. Think it over.>

<Fine, fine...>

"...Wha...?" Mewtwo said drowsily. "Mew, you didn't SAY eggnog had alcohol in it..."

Mew whacked him upside the head. <Wake up, you big pussycat, and I STILL say the Christmas fiasco was your fault!>

"Was not..." Mewtwo said, then opened his eyes. "Oh yeah...AUGGH! It wasn't a dream!"

<Oh, get over it,> Ash said.

<You're just jealous 'cos you didn't know everything,> Pikachu said.

Mewtwo reagained some composure. "I suppose you are right. I don't see how I could have overlooked it...I guess I did. But Ash, how in the world did that happen?"

Ash sighed. <It's a loooong story...>

"I would still like to hear it."

<It's not like we don't have time,> Pikachu said unhelpfully.

<Fine,> Ash said, sitting down, then called out sarcastically, <Come one, come all! It's time for "The Guiding Light was Smashed", sponsored by Bubbles soap, the soap of champions! When we last left our heroes, Ash had left New Island, Mew and Mewtwo had run to a peaceful valley in the middle of nowhere, Harley had delivered her baby with the help of a formerly evil FBI agent, Danny and Michelle were stealing money to get out of the mob, Carmen had come back from the presumed-dead, and Reba had gone back in time through a painting to save a person who looked like her ex-husband, but they both were locked in jail!>

<Funny, Ash. Very funny.> Pikachu rolled his eyes.

Ash settled down, seriously this time. "All right, it happened like this......"

~*~