Ok, ok. Don't panic. Do not panic.
Take a deep breath in, and out.
In through the nose, and out through the mouth. Without looking like
a crazy Aipom. There. Totally calm.
I slowly walk down
the red carpeted hall. I can do this. I can so do this. I
mean, I'm the champion now, right? Yes. I am the champion. Oh my God,
I'm the champion! This is too cool to be true. I take out my purse,
and feel around for my compact mirror. I take it out, and look at my
reflection. My hair's a bit messy, but it sparkles under the bright
lighting. I need a comb. I approach the big metal door and cautiously
open it. Oh, God no. I'm sweating. Just great. “Um... hello?” I
say out loud. The room is dimly lit, with a little pedestal in the
center. Just what the hell is going on here? This reminds me of my
5th birthday party... damn that Bobby McNeil. He totally
stole my piece of the birthday cake! Anyways, I'm going totally off
topic. “Hello!” I yell out loudly. Where is everyone? I swear, if
this is some sort of prank-- “Let's give a big round of applause to
our new Johto leauge champion, Anna Wickerson!” An unfamiliar voice
shouts. Huh? Suddenly all the light come on, and my mom and dad come
out, along with Professor Oak and Elm. Oh, wait. I'm the new
champion. This is even better than a shopping trip at Saks fifth
avenue. Actually, maybe not. But.... OH MY GOD! ME! THE CHAMPION!
Mom and dad hug me
tightly, and the professors clap. The rest of the Johto Elite 4 come
out, and clap too. “Mom, dad... you guys can stop hugging me now.”
I say, rolling my eyes. I'm 22, for God's sake. I mean, I love my
parents, but they can get too mushy and embarassing now and then.
“Oh, I'm sorry dearest. I'm just so proud of you!” My mom cries
out, with tears in her eyes. “My little girl finally grew up!” My
dad says. “I know. I love you guys.” I say, tearing myself apart
from the two. I dust off my very valuable and expensive black and
white Prada top. “Say, have you got your Pokedex completed, Anna?”
Professor Oak asks. “Umm... yeah. About that.... I coudn't really
get it done because of training, but I'm working on it.” I say with
a nervous smile. Damn. I totally forgot. One of my pokeballs open up.
“Vaporeon!” My Vaporeon, Vanessa cries. “Hi, Vanessa! Great
work out there, girlfriend!” I say as I hug her. Then one after the
other, my other pokemon let themselves out. “Jolteon!” My
Jolteon, Jasper cries. “Togetic!” “Meganium!” “Houndoom!”
“Lapras!” I should probably tell you the names of my pokemon.
Vanessa is my
Vaporeon. She loves being pampered, like me. My Jolteon, Jasper is a
tough pokemon. And he's in love with Vanessa. Which is really cute,
because if there is any male pokemon near Vanessa, he'd growl at them
and scare them away. My Togetic, Dante is really friendly and cute.
He liks being out of his pokeball a lot. Damien, my Houndoom is
well.... dark. He's mysterious and brooding, but I still love him. My
starter, Meganium, or Morgan is very understanding and quiet. And of
course, my Lapras which I named Milan. I named her Milan because it's
the fashion capital of the world, of course! And I wanted to name her
something exotic. Ha ha.
The Elite 4 shake
hands with me. “Good fight.” Lance says. But I can tell he's
disgusted with himself. He probably didn't want to lose to me,
of all people. Too bad so sad. Never underestimate the opponent.
Actually, all of the Elite 4 look gloomy. But seriously. Is it MY
fault that they decided to go 'easy' on me? I'm no newbie to pokemon
training, you know. And I swear I heard Karen muttering under her
breath 'it was just a lucky win'. My ass it's a lucky win. I still
think it's rude of them to hate me just 'cause I won. And because I'm
well groomed. I smirk inwardly. I'm so going to become a
celebrity soon. Thank you, God. I love you. I just hope that you know
I'm a devout Christian, and I go to Church every Sunday. Yeah. I
squeal inside my head. Here I come, A-list! YAY!
Urgh. How much did I have to drink last night? My back aches like
hell. I try to stand up, but I feel too tired to. I crack an eye
open. Where the hell am I? I slowly get up. Sprawled on the sofa and
the ground are the rest of the Elite 4... sleeping. I quickly stand
up. I thought I went home last night.... I try to remember the events
of yesterday, but I can't. I look down at my clothes. I'm not wearing
a shirt. OH MY GOD. I'm not wearing a frickin' SHIRT. Did someone
rape me last night? If they did, I swear-- I spot my shirt laying on
the ground near Will. The psychic dude. I pick it up, and put it back
on. Wait. It's got a giant.. and I mean GIANT stain on it. Great.
Just fucking great. This Prada shirt cost like, fifteen thousand
dollars. And now it has a fucking stain on it. How fucking dandy.
God, I swear I'm going to kill someone right now. I walk out of the
room, quietly fuming inside. I keep walking. Then it occurs to me. I
have no clue where I am. I look around. There are like, a million
doors around me. Okaay... then. I try to retrace my steps, hoping to
find my way back. And what happened to my pokemon? I suddenly grow
very pale. What if-- what if someone stole my beloved pokemon? Oh
my-- wait. Calm down. Calm, quiet. I desperately rack my brain for
anything stupid I did yesterday. Great. Just frickin' great. I
remember nothing. I'm still surrounded by a million doors, and I
don't know what to do. I decide to open a random door.
Ok, I'm inside a very strange room.
VERY strange. This reminds me of that show, Ghost Trackers. Why am I
thinking about that right now? The room has these weird scriptures
written on the walls... other than that, the room is totally bare. I
blink. And then I exit. Are the Elite 4 hiding some sort of weird
secret from the world? Oh my God. What if they're really villians?
What if they just lured me here, and then they're going to kill me?
They'll probably throw me in the Lake of Rage, and leave me there for
the Gyarados's to eat me... and they'll be in the Elite 4 hall
drinking some posh shit, watching their evil plan unfold-- “Hey!
Who's there!” I hear a voice yell. Huh? Oh, wait! Someone has come
to rescue me! “I'm here! OVER HERE!” I yell back, waving my arms
frantically. Just my luck. The rest of the Elite 4 walk up to me.
“Where the hell were you?” Karen asks angrily. “What the hell
is your problem?” I
snap back. “For your information, I was just exploring. And to
conlude my findings, I say that this place is very dull.” I say.
And you know what they do? They glare at me. “Nice stain.” Lance
smirks. I glare back. God, do they have a problem, or something? They
don't even know how to shop. They were the ugliest clothes known to
mankind. “At least I don't wear spandex shorts.” I retort. Lance
glares at me, and then walks away. “Come on, guys. We don't have to
put up with her.”
His little croonies follow him. I quietly follow them too, because
well... I'm lost. What jerks.
“Yo, Elite 4! Where the hell did you put my pokeballs!” I scream
at the top of my lungs. Those bastards. They better not have hid them
somewhere.... say, where the heck are they, anyways? “Yo, Lance!
Karen! You jerks had better not hid my pokeballs anywhere!” I say.
I et no response. Ok, I'm this close to exploding with fury.
My cheeks are pretty pink right now. Ok. That's it. “YOU DAMN
BITCHES! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TAKEN THEM! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!” I
yell. Now where the hell are their rooms? I run down the hallway and
bang on every single door I find. Argh. This day is just NOT going
the way I planned...
I found my pokeballs laying on a table in the supposed kitchen. I am
so relieved. “My babies!” I cry, hugging my beloved pokemon.
Vanessa comes out of her pokeball. 'Va! Vaporeon!” She cries. “Are
you hungry, sweet heart? Mommy will get you something to eat.” I
open up cabinets and look around for pokemon food. I find a pack that
is labelled 'IAMS Pokemon food. 100% Certified for healthy pokemon.'
I can't find a bowl. so I pour some on the ground. 'Here you go,
sweet heart.” I say, while pouring a bit on the floor. Vanessa eats
it up hungrily. I let my other pokemon out too, so they can eat. I
stare at my shirt sadly. I really hope the stain will come off...
maybe with some Downy? But isn't Downy a fabric softner? Forget it.
I'll go and buy a new shirt... from Gucci this time. Maybe a cute
skirt from Dolce & Gabbana... and those slim jeans I was eyeing
at Guess yesterday... thinking about shopping cheered me up a bit.
And then I'll go to the spa... have my nails and toenails done...
have my pokemon groomed.... I'm suddenly lost in my train of thought.
What time is it, anyways? I take out my Motorola RAZR and check the
time. Hmm.... it's 5:35 PM.... it's 5:35 PM already?! Omigosh, I
totally have to change. I return my pokemon to their pokeballs, and I
look around for another human. Even if the Elite 4 are jerks, they
still know the way around... I see Karen sitting on a loveseat,
reading a Shakespeare book, or something. “Hey, Karen. Can you tell
me how to get out of here?” I ask. Karen looks at me weirdly.
“Well?” I ask. “What are you talking about? Didn't they tell
you? You're going to be staying here until somebody beats you.”
OH.MY.GOD. I have to stay with these... these fiends?! Suddenly,
losing on purpose doesn't seem that bad. “And you can't lose on
purpose either.” Will says. I forgot that the damn faggot is a
psychic. I'm going to be spending the rest of my life.... in Hell.