Ok, ok. Don't panic. Do not panic. Take a deep breath in, and out. In through the nose, and out through the mouth. Without looking like a crazy Aipom. There. Totally calm.

I slowly walk down the red carpeted hall. I can do this. I can so do this. I mean, I'm the champion now, right? Yes. I am the champion. Oh my God, I'm the champion! This is too cool to be true. I take out my purse, and feel around for my compact mirror. I take it out, and look at my reflection. My hair's a bit messy, but it sparkles under the bright lighting. I need a comb. I approach the big metal door and cautiously open it. Oh, God no. I'm sweating. Just great. “Um... hello?” I say out loud. The room is dimly lit, with a little pedestal in the center. Just what the hell is going on here? This reminds me of my 5th birthday party... damn that Bobby McNeil. He totally stole my piece of the birthday cake! Anyways, I'm going totally off topic. “Hello!” I yell out loudly. Where is everyone? I swear, if this is some sort of prank-- “Let's give a big round of applause to our new Johto leauge champion, Anna Wickerson!” An unfamiliar voice shouts. Huh? Suddenly all the light come on, and my mom and dad come out, along with Professor Oak and Elm. Oh, wait. I'm the new champion. This is even better than a shopping trip at Saks fifth avenue. Actually, maybe not. But.... OH MY GOD! ME! THE CHAMPION!

Mom and dad hug me tightly, and the professors clap. The rest of the Johto Elite 4 come out, and clap too. “Mom, dad... you guys can stop hugging me now.” I say, rolling my eyes. I'm 22, for God's sake. I mean, I love my parents, but they can get too mushy and embarassing now and then. “Oh, I'm sorry dearest. I'm just so proud of you!” My mom cries out, with tears in her eyes. “My little girl finally grew up!” My dad says. “I know. I love you guys.” I say, tearing myself apart from the two. I dust off my very valuable and expensive black and white Prada top. “Say, have you got your Pokedex completed, Anna?” Professor Oak asks. “Umm... yeah. About that.... I coudn't really get it done because of training, but I'm working on it.” I say with a nervous smile. Damn. I totally forgot. One of my pokeballs open up. “Vaporeon!” My Vaporeon, Vanessa cries. “Hi, Vanessa! Great work out there, girlfriend!” I say as I hug her. Then one after the other, my other pokemon let themselves out. “Jolteon!” My Jolteon, Jasper cries. “Togetic!” “Meganium!” “Houndoom!” “Lapras!” I should probably tell you the names of my pokemon.

Vanessa is my Vaporeon. She loves being pampered, like me. My Jolteon, Jasper is a tough pokemon. And he's in love with Vanessa. Which is really cute, because if there is any male pokemon near Vanessa, he'd growl at them and scare them away. My Togetic, Dante is really friendly and cute. He liks being out of his pokeball a lot. Damien, my Houndoom is well.... dark. He's mysterious and brooding, but I still love him. My starter, Meganium, or Morgan is very understanding and quiet. And of course, my Lapras which I named Milan. I named her Milan because it's the fashion capital of the world, of course! And I wanted to name her something exotic. Ha ha.

The Elite 4 shake hands with me. “Good fight.” Lance says. But I can tell he's disgusted with himself. He probably didn't want to lose to me, of all people. Too bad so sad. Never underestimate the opponent.

Actually, all of the Elite 4 look gloomy. But seriously. Is it MY fault that they decided to go 'easy' on me? I'm no newbie to pokemon training, you know. And I swear I heard Karen muttering under her breath 'it was just a lucky win'. My ass it's a lucky win. I still think it's rude of them to hate me just 'cause I won. And because I'm well groomed. I smirk inwardly. I'm so going to become a celebrity soon. Thank you, God. I love you. I just hope that you know I'm a devout Christian, and I go to Church every Sunday. Yeah. I squeal inside my head. Here I come, A-list! YAY!

Urgh. How much did I have to drink last night? My back aches like hell. I try to stand up, but I feel too tired to. I crack an eye open. Where the hell am I? I slowly get up. Sprawled on the sofa and the ground are the rest of the Elite 4... sleeping. I quickly stand up. I thought I went home last night.... I try to remember the events of yesterday, but I can't. I look down at my clothes. I'm not wearing a shirt. OH MY GOD. I'm not wearing a frickin' SHIRT. Did someone rape me last night? If they did, I swear-- I spot my shirt laying on the ground near Will. The psychic dude. I pick it up, and put it back on. Wait. It's got a giant.. and I mean GIANT stain on it. Great. Just fucking great. This Prada shirt cost like, fifteen thousand dollars. And now it has a fucking stain on it. How fucking dandy. God, I swear I'm going to kill someone right now. I walk out of the room, quietly fuming inside. I keep walking. Then it occurs to me. I have no clue where I am. I look around. There are like, a million doors around me. Okaay... then. I try to retrace my steps, hoping to find my way back. And what happened to my pokemon? I suddenly grow very pale. What if-- what if someone stole my beloved pokemon? Oh my-- wait. Calm down. Calm, quiet. I desperately rack my brain for anything stupid I did yesterday. Great. Just frickin' great. I remember nothing. I'm still surrounded by a million doors, and I don't know what to do. I decide to open a random door.

Ok, I'm inside a very strange room. VERY strange. This reminds me of that show, Ghost Trackers. Why am I thinking about that right now? The room has these weird scriptures written on the walls... other than that, the room is totally bare. I blink. And then I exit. Are the Elite 4 hiding some sort of weird secret from the world? Oh my God. What if they're really villians? What if they just lured me here, and then they're going to kill me? They'll probably throw me in the Lake of Rage, and leave me there for the Gyarados's to eat me... and they'll be in the Elite 4 hall drinking some posh shit, watching their evil plan unfold-- “Hey! Who's there!” I hear a voice yell. Huh? Oh, wait! Someone has come to rescue me! “I'm here! OVER HERE!” I yell back, waving my arms frantically. Just my luck. The rest of the Elite 4 walk up to me. “Where the hell were you?” Karen asks angrily. “What the hell is your problem?” I snap back. “For your information, I was just exploring. And to conlude my findings, I say that this place is very dull.” I say. And you know what they do? They glare at me. “Nice stain.” Lance smirks. I glare back. God, do they have a problem, or something? They don't even know how to shop. They were the ugliest clothes known to mankind. “At least I don't wear spandex shorts.” I retort. Lance glares at me, and then walks away. “Come on, guys. We don't have to put up with her.” His little croonies follow him. I quietly follow them too, because well... I'm lost. What jerks.

“Yo, Elite 4! Where the hell did you put my pokeballs!” I scream at the top of my lungs. Those bastards. They better not have hid them somewhere.... say, where the heck are they, anyways? “Yo, Lance! Karen! You jerks had better not hid my pokeballs anywhere!” I say. I et no response. Ok, I'm this close to exploding with fury. My cheeks are pretty pink right now. Ok. That's it. “YOU DAMN BITCHES! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TAKEN THEM! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!” I yell. Now where the hell are their rooms? I run down the hallway and bang on every single door I find. Argh. This day is just NOT going the way I planned...

I found my pokeballs laying on a table in the supposed kitchen. I am so relieved. “My babies!” I cry, hugging my beloved pokemon. Vanessa comes out of her pokeball. 'Va! Vaporeon!” She cries. “Are you hungry, sweet heart? Mommy will get you something to eat.” I open up cabinets and look around for pokemon food. I find a pack that is labelled 'IAMS Pokemon food. 100% Certified for healthy pokemon.' I can't find a bowl. so I pour some on the ground. 'Here you go, sweet heart.” I say, while pouring a bit on the floor. Vanessa eats it up hungrily. I let my other pokemon out too, so they can eat. I stare at my shirt sadly. I really hope the stain will come off... maybe with some Downy? But isn't Downy a fabric softner? Forget it. I'll go and buy a new shirt... from Gucci this time. Maybe a cute skirt from Dolce & Gabbana... and those slim jeans I was eyeing at Guess yesterday... thinking about shopping cheered me up a bit. And then I'll go to the spa... have my nails and toenails done... have my pokemon groomed.... I'm suddenly lost in my train of thought. What time is it, anyways? I take out my Motorola RAZR and check the time. Hmm.... it's 5:35 PM.... it's 5:35 PM already?! Omigosh, I totally have to change. I return my pokemon to their pokeballs, and I look around for another human. Even if the Elite 4 are jerks, they still know the way around... I see Karen sitting on a loveseat, reading a Shakespeare book, or something. “Hey, Karen. Can you tell me how to get out of here?” I ask. Karen looks at me weirdly. “Well?” I ask. “What are you talking about? Didn't they tell you? You're going to be staying here until somebody beats you.” OH.MY.GOD. I have to stay with these... these fiends?! Suddenly, losing on purpose doesn't seem that bad. “And you can't lose on purpose either.” Will says. I forgot that the damn faggot is a psychic. I'm going to be spending the rest of my life.... in Hell.