Shudder For Today
--------------------

She was granted a mere three hours sleep; sweet, oblivious sleep, and the only 
remedy for the pain. Why did she have to get so close? Why did she have to need 
him so much?

The mere thought of change made her retch, wincing, clutching her stomach in an 
attempt to ward off the nausea. She could feel the shivers coming on again, the 
numbness starting in the ends of her fingertips.

Oh why does it have to hurt? She would be fine, if only it didn't hurt.

You can't trust anyone. You can't rely on anyone.

Eyes still closed, her eyebrows knotted together in agony. But she had known these 
things! She knew not to get close. But...but...she had. This could not be denied.

She had grown too close to that black-haired boy, enjoying everything he said, did;
every single move he made.

And so, there was only one option.

Leave.

She sat up, damp eyes staring into the blackness, into nothingness. And the 
nothingness stared back, its omniscient form gazing straight into the scarred soul.

All along, she knew he deserved better. How did he even tolerate her all this 
time? He shouldn't have. It would have been easier.

But it was her fault, not his.

A subtle smile tried to form on the corner of her salty, chapped lips. This soon 
faded, replaced by the same blank, agonizing stare that plagued the 
could-be-pretty face. She must not get her hopes up. She must live in reality.

Unfortunately reality was now a serrated dagger that took great pleasure in 
ripping apart all the defences and walls she had built up around every truth.

"I'm in love with him."

It was like vomiting blood every time she said it.

She shuddered as a tear rolled down her cheek, soaking silently into the pillow 
case. There wasn't any use trying to stop it this time, and she shuddered more as
she cried a warm torrent of tears. Both hands clutched at the blankets around her, 
pulling them closer in attempted comfort, trying to make the pain stop, trying to 
feel whole again.

With every breath came an unbidden moan, her nose was running, even the 
surrounding darkness looked blurry.

And then nothing mattered.

Those tears stopped leaking from her eyes, and her body -- though still convusling 
with uncontrollable shuddering -- felt at ease as the pain dissipated to a vague 
ache.

Everything was simple and obvious now. She, Misty, would leave, taking with her 
all the memories of him that she would always cherish. He deserved to be free of 
her, and she deserved to be free of him. There would be nothing to regret.

"I love you Ash Ketchum."

And you will never have to lie and love me back.