Title: Sin
Author: Shadow/Phantomness
Pairing: Championshipping (Lance x Red/Ash)
Fandom: Pokémon
Theme: #11, Sin
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to Nintendo and Shogakukan Comics. This non-profit, non-copyright infringing fanfiction belongs to me under international copyright laws and taking it is plagiarism. Thank you. *Phantomness bows*

Notes: <> for telepathy, ** for thoughts, italics if a pokemon talks

Warnings: Shonen-ai, cheating, anti-Palletshipping, fanon aspects, angst

They’re still in bed when he returns, curled around one another like children. He says nothing, staring for a moment, seeing messy black locks interspersed with spiky brown. He shuts the door behind them with nary a sound, before closing his eyes and leaning against the wall for support. He takes one breath, two, and then he fancies he can feel his heart splintering into a thousand shards. His fangs cut into his lower lip, but the pain is a welcome distraction from the image seared into his memory, and he leaves, silently.

He should have known.

In all honesty, he would have preferred to remain ignorant. He trusted Ash! He trusted the boy…

His trust was misplaced, and he curses his foolishness for opening his heart. His nails dig into his palms, and he forces his hands to unclench, as he steps out of the house, the door shutting behind him with a soft click.

Morning finds Lance at the Plateau, dry-eyed, the half empty pill bottle on his nightstand the only evidence of his emotions. He’s perfectly calm and polite by the time Ash and Gary show up, and as Ash hugs him and mentions that he missed him, thank goodness he’s returned from his month-long trip to Cosmos, how was it? He gives no outward indication that anything has changed.

He says that the negotiations went fine, that Charlotte was a charming hostess, and that he’s sorry but he has to get to work now, they can chat more later.

Ash beams and nods, and Lance pretends not to notice the way Gary follows him outside with a peculiar possessiveness in his eyes. He turns to the next sheaf of paper, picks up his pen, and gets to work.

He idly wonders how long it will take Ash to notice.

“So how do you think we should break the news to him?” Ash asks Gary.

Gary shrugs. “I thought you didn’t want to tell.”

“But I feel bad lying to him…”

Gary blinks. “Whatever.”

Something in that tone sounds like a dismissal, but Ash ignores it. He grins. “Don’t worry, Gary. We’re friends now, and I’m sure Lance will love you too!”

Gary goggles at Ash, who skips off. Gary is feeling more than slightly confused.

Somehow, he doesn’t think Lance will take this well at all. He has to admit he’s jealous of the Dragon Master, but something strikes this situation as not quite right. It’s not the sex – it was great, but…

Could he feel guilty? Fuck it all, Lance was gone and Ash needed a good lay, and he’s sure he’s better than that man could ever be. Plus, Ash obviously loves him more.

So why does he feel apprehensive?

That’s ridiculous. He isn’t nervous at all. He’s sure Ash will choose him over Lance any day, anyways.

“Lance~!”

The Dragon Master glances up, as Ash bounces through the doorway. “Yes?”

“Did I tell you that Gary and I are friends again?” Ash grins. “It’s great!”

“I see.” He says. “Congratulations.” He moves to the next paragraph. Ash isn’t deterred. He was never one to pick up on subtleties anyhow.

“Yeah! It was wonderful! And he’s really good! I mean, you know, he’s all nice and soft and stuff, and…” Ash trails off as he notices Lance has gone very, very still. “Lance? Are you all right? Because I wondered if, you know, since you’re back, we could spend the night together, and I’m sure you’ll like Gary.”

Silence. Then the Dragon Master stands, and his eyes are strangely unfocused. He brushes past Ash, and leaves the room.

Ash blinks, and runs after him. “Lance? Is something wrong?”

Lance turns around so quickly Ash almost runs into him, and says nothing, before he takes his hands, and kisses them. That surprises Ash, but he eagerly accepts. He closes his eyes, which is why he doesn’t notice when Lance lets go of him and practically bolts down the hall.

He makes it outside the Plateau before Ash realizes he’s gone, and he releases Ptera with a harsh command, not caring where she takes him as long as it is far, far away from this place.

“I thought I could handle it.” Lance snarls, not caring who hears him. “I thought that as long as I took the pills, it would be all right. But such a blatant invitation – I can’t ignore it. And he doesn’t even feel guilty! He flaunts it!”

There is no answer, but Lance doesn’t expect one. He almost – almost wishes he could cry, but it was something he gave up when he became Dragon Master and he’s never regretted it much.

“I should have never allowed it. I was foolish to think there could have been anything between us. Of course I’m foolish.” Lance sighed, before he turned to Ptera.

Master?

“… I should have brought my pills at least.” But it would be all right. Eventually the pain would be too much to bear and he could succumb.

It was January. He had plenty of time before the Dragon ceremony next December… and his Father would understand. Father always did.

Maybe he’ll go to Cosmos for real this time, and visit Charlotte.

Ash is confused.

He’s not sure why Lance left at all, because Lance was really nice to him, but he vaguely remembers Lance’s hands shaking when he was being kissed.

That’s strange.

Lance was never so nervous before, not even the first time they were together. It was so hard to seduce the man, but he managed in the end, and now they’re friends.

Lance is strange sometimes, but Ash doesn’t mind.

Maybe Lance just had something else to do?

It sounds simple, but it’s awfully hard to convince himself of that fact.

If only Ash wasn’t so bloody affectionate! Lance hated himself, hated his weakness, hated needing to feel loved, to feel wanted.

But he knew Ash didn’t want him anymore, so why did the damned boy persist on faking it?

Who did he think he was fooling?

He stroked his fingers across Ptera’s crest, and tried to still the shaking in his fingertips. It was all right. He would be all right…

He stood, before he nodded to Ptera. “We’re going to Cosmos.”

Ptera nodded, and they took off.

Charlotte said nothing when he showed up on her doorstep, simply showed him to a guest room and made him tea. She didn’t speak. He didn’t speak. They didn’t need to.

She most likely knew why he was here, but she wouldn’t press. That was good. He wished for silence, to force his traitorous thoughts away from Ash and his new lover.

He wished for more than that, but he wouldn’t take it. No, not yet.

Two months passed. Ash was confused. Ash was very confused. He didn’t know why Lance was missing and Gary had been very closed-mouthed on the subject. Whenever Ash tried to bring it up Gary would kiss him and that would get his mind off Lance really fast. But…. But…

It just wasn’t the same!

Finally, he received a curt email from the Cosmos Island Champion reminding him that the Regional Champion’s meeting was coming up, and this time it was being held in Moonstone City. Ash sent his RSVP letter back, and wondered if he would meet Lance there.

Where was Lance, anyways?

Unfortunately, Ash hadn’t been able to spare any time to search for him – he was busy doing his Champion duties and having fun with Gary, so he decided that after this meeting, he would go out and do something.

After all, he was starting to miss Lance, though he didn’t know why. Gary was better, wasn’t he?

Wasn’t he…?

The meeting went off without a hitch; Ash was pleased to say. He left Wallace and Shirona sipping tea and discussing pokemon legends, and sure enough, he’d seen Lance again. After all, Lance was still Johto Champion. Ash was Kanto Champion now, in addition to Orange…

It was nice to see Lance again, but Lance seemed to be ignoring him. Ash didn’t know why, so he decided to ask afterwards. Charlotte had gone into the kitchen to bring out another plate of refreshments, and Lance was leaving the table. Ash hastily got up, not wanting him to run away again.

But that was ridiculous. Lance wasn’t running away from anything, was he?

“Champion.” Lance greeted Ash cordially, inclining his head in a brief nod. Ash copied the gesture, wondering why Lance was being so formal. They were already friends, after all!

“I missed you.” He said, grinning.

“I thought that you and Gary were keeping each other entertained.” Lance’s tone was dry, and Ash shrugged.

“But it’s not the same. I don’t know why.”

“Obviously, you enjoy his ministrations more. There is no need for my presence.” There was… something in Lance’s voice, but Ash didn’t catch it.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you! Honestly though, Lance, I’d like it if you came home.”

… Home?

He felt his lips pressing together in a thin line, and took a breath to fortify himself. It was simple, it was quick, and now all ties could be cut.

“I am afraid the Plateau is no longer my home, Champion. Good day.”

He stepped past Ash, preparing to make his exit, but Ash grabbed his arm.

“What do you mean it’s no longer your home, Lance? I want you to come back! Please come back…”

Ash was startled, blinking as the words slipped out. Why was he acting like that? Lance lived in the Plateau, after all! He would always come back, wouldn’t he?

The Dragon Master could feel his control slipping beneath his veneer of cool civility. He could feel rage begin to bubble in his mind, but suppressed it. “No.”

He casually twisted his arm out from Ash’s grip, and continued down the stairs.

Ash stared after him in shock, before he ran after him. “Why not?”

What was wrong with the idiot? Was he truly that dense? Lance hissed, eyes narrowing to mere slits of golden flame as he chose his next words carefully.

“I will not stay true to one who does not stay true to me. I have no intention to engage in a three way with your new lover, so kindly discontinue pressing the issue.”

Ash blinked, before he frowned. “I do love you!”

“No, you do not.” Lance said. “But lest I shatter any more of your precious illusions, let me be perfectly frank with you. What I desire in love is exclusivity. What you desire is copulation. The two are mutually incompatible. I am certain Gary will be perfectly adequate for you.”

It took Ash a few minutes to figure out what Lance was saying, before he figured it out. “You’re mad I had sex with Gary?”

Lance did not answer, but Ash saw his hands fist and begin to twist the folds of his cloak in a savage rhythm.

Why was Lance so mad? It was just sex…

“But its just sex!”

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Ash realized that that had been the wrong thing to say.

“Yes,” Lance agreed, and his voice was hard. “Our relationship was just sex too, wasn’t it, Champion?”

“Um…” Ash blinked. Should he say yes? He was pretty sure they had done other things too, so he should probably say no…

What he blurted out was “Does this mean we’re just friends now?”

The look Lance gave him could have frozen lava. Ash shivered. He’d seen Lance angry before, but not at him – never at him. It frightened him.

“Friends? Hardly. We are acquaintances, nothing more.”

Ash stared in shock as Lance moved past him again, before his brain caught up with him. “Lance! Wait!”

Lance did not stop. Ash hesitated, before releasing his pokemon. He ordered a Vine Whip from Bulbasaur, only to prevent Lance from getting away, really, but the Dragon Master’s eyes were strangely blank as Ash pushed him against a convenient wall.

“Resorting to rape now, are we, Champion?”

“No! Nothing like that!” Ash was horrified to realize that tears were starting to roll down his cheeks. “Lance, why are you being so mean?”

“Cruel is the word you are searching for, Champion. And any cruelty I show today I learned from you.”

“What?”

“Did you enjoy sleeping with him, Champion?” Lance hissed. “Did you enjoy violating the sanctity of our bed? How long did you wait before you let him take you? The night after I left, perhaps?”

Ash gaped at Lance, seeing his eyes blaze in anger. “I…”

“Did you think you could conceal it forever, Champion? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

“Y-You saw us?” Ash gasped.

“Pity I came home early, wasn’t it?” Lance asked almost conversationally. “Yes, I did. And what of it? Your feelings on the matter are quite clear.”

“I didn’t lie to you!” Ash burst out.

“No, you did not.” Lance agreed, too calmly. “You told me the truth. At least you were honest after the fact.”

“But I-!”

“No more words, Champion.” Lance warned him. That was when Ash kissed him.

Ash was startled when Lance shoved him off. If possible, he looked even angrier. “You little slut.” He hissed. “That’s your solution to everything, isn’t it? Bed it and fix it! Well, I’m sorry to inform you, but I’m beyond your pathetic fixes, and I wouldn’t want them anyway.”

The Champion stared after Lance’s retreating figure. Hitting the ground had hurt, but not as much as he was screaming inside.

What was he doing wrong? Didn’t Lance like him any more?

Why didn’t Lance like him?

He slowly got up, and walked back to his hotel, his mind awhirl of questions. He poured a soda, took a drink, and sat down on the pastel coverlet.

Lance was being so mean! This time, he really did cry, and he sobbed into a pillow, not knowing how to stop.

Lance… Lance really hated him, didn’t he?

It wasn’t fair! If Lance was going to be this way, he was better off with Gary! Really! Hadn’t Lance said so himself?

But… but it hurt. It hurt so much. His chest ached horribly, and he wasn’t sure how to make it stop.

He knew he was in love, he knew it! So why didn’t Lance see it? Couldn’t he love two people?

What was wrong with that?

Maybe he should just go home and never speak to Lance again, but somehow, he knew that if he did that, it wouldn’t make the problem go away.

He drew his legs up to his chest, finally releasing the pillow, and tried to sort out his tangled thoughts. Kissing Lance had been nice, awfully nice, and to never do that again…

No! That was sex, or close enough, and Lance didn’t like sex, did he? But all he’d said was… was… he wanted more than just sex. Or he hadn’t said it, but he’d implied it, hadn’t he? Ash was bad at implications.

He rocked slowly, trying to think. So Lance wanted Ash to be in love with him, and Ash was, but Lance didn’t want Gary there, and Ash wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He sighed and swung his legs off the bed. He needed more soda.

Maybe he should go talk to Gary. It wouldn’t take long to teleport back to Indigo Plateau. He released Espeon and teleported back to his quarters.

The scene was not what he expected. Gary and Koga glanced up at him, before Gary smirked.

“Hey, Ash. Want to join in?”

Ash stared at the scene before him in mute horror, before he ran out the door. He was sitting listlessly at his desk, not seeing the paperwork spread before him, when Gary walked in a few hours later, stretching.

“Man, that was exhausting…”

“… Why?” Ash asked, voice shaky.

“Why did I sleep with him? Oh come on, Ash. I was lonely. You weren’t around, he was hot…what’s wrong with that?”

Logically, Ash knew it was just sex. That didn’t stop him from feeling hurt, worse than the hurt when Lance had talked to him.

He released Espeon, who obligingly took him back to Cosmos.

Ash was very quiet at the next few meetings. No one seemed to notice, and that made him wither inside. Maybe he really wasn’t important. No one liked him…

But he was a horrible person, wasn’t he? Mew, what had he done to Lance? No wonder the other Champion was being so cold! But at least he was still polite…

Was that all he would ever receive?

When Ash missed two meetings in a row without any warning, Lance grew concerned. Of course, he would never admit it, but the part of him that still – traitorously – cared for the boy, wanted to make sure he wasn’t dead. That was all.

He’d probably caught some cold or another. Well, if he had nothing better to do, he would check in on him.

It was deceptively easy to access the trainer database with his clearance level, and sure enough, he easily found Ash’s location. He let himself in, and found the trainer in bed, fitfully asleep. A quick check confirmed that the Champion had a raging fever, and Lance fought with his feelings for a few moments before deciding that Ash would be unconscious and never know he had been here, and anyways, he might die if left unattended. Or something to that extent, and leaving him would be callous.

He filled a basin with cold water, carried it over to the bedside, and laid a cool towel on Ash’s forehead. The boy stirred, but did not wake, for which Lance was inordinately grateful.

“I’m such a sentimental idiot.” The Dragon Master sighed. “It’s not like he’ll know and appreciate I’m doing this for him anyway.” He turned to the small kitchenette in the suite and began to make soup. The boy would want something to eat when he awoke – if he awoke, but by then Lance would be long gone. Perhaps he could leave a suitably fangirlish note to throw off any suspicion…

When Lance returned, he found to his horror that Ash had awakened. However, seeing the slightly glazed look in those brown eyes reassured him that Ash was still delirious and probably wouldn’t remember what was happening anyways, so it was safe for a while longer.

He sat down next to the boy, propped him up on the pillows, and began to spoon-feed him. Ash did not protest, too weak to hold the bowl and spoon himself. Only after the soup was gone did he attempt to speak.

“L-Lance…”

Lance did not reply. Ash took a deep breath, and began to speak, though his eyes remained slightly unfocused.

“W-Why are you here? I thought you h-hated me…”

Lance moved quietly, collecting the tray and moving to the kitchen. When he returned, Ash smiled.

“A-Am I in heaven?” The silence continued, which prompted Ash to speak. “I-I guess I’m dreaming then. I wish you’d talk to me, Lance. I miss you.”

Ash continued speaking, his words soft but still understandable. “G-Gary left. I mean I left. He didn’t love me.” He sighed. “I-I know you’re right now. Sex isn’t love. But I want more than sex….”

Ash cut himself off, shaking his head. “Y-You’re just a dream. I guess I can tell you. I’m sorry.” Tears were running down his cheeks now, though he didn’t notice. “I-I’m so sorry…”

Lance watched, impassively, as the boy’s sobs slowly quieted, and before long, he was once again asleep. The Dragon Master switched the cool cloth for a fresh one; his hands steady, betraying not an iota of the conflict raging in his heart.

Did Ash realize what he had just confessed? Of course he didn’t, but Lugia, the boy had sounded so… broken.

And so truthful…

The Dragon Master shook his head. He couldn’t. He couldn’t love again. He had already made his choice. He should never have come.

He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want… he realized numbly that his hands were shaking again, as he studied the sleeping Champion.

Ash looked so young, so vulnerable. Lance wanted to protect him and hold him and keep him safe, but that was no longer his duty, was it?

But oh, he wanted it…

Enough! He violently tore himself away from those thoughts, and went to the kitchen. He washed the dishes and dried them, and he was back in his own room with a glass of wine and the Daily Kantonian on his lap when he realized to his horror that he had forgotten to remove the cool cloths. Fuck. Maybe Ash wouldn’t notice?

When Ash woke up the next morning, he was startled to note that he felt a lot better. He attributed it to a good night’s sleep, but when he sat up, a cool cloth fell into his lap.

“What the…”

Someone had been in the room with him? He certainly couldn’t remember putting it on himself, but he’d been pretty out of it… dreaming that Lance had come and taken care of him? Yeah right. But… but…

There was still a basin half-full of water next to him, and Ash blinked. That was definite proof. But if Lance had been here…

Ash colored. Did that mean… he had heard everything then, hadn’t he? The thought sent a jolt of electricity through his veins, and he felt more awake. If that were the case then, would Lance forgive him now?

He hoped so.

He dressed quickly, a quick look at the clock showed him there was an hour before the next Champion’s meeting, so he ran off to find Lance.

It was surprisingly easy to find the Johto Champion – almost as though he wanted to be found. Lance glanced up briefly as Ash walked up to him, before returning to the perusal of his newspaper.

“Lance.”

“Champion.” Lance acquiesced, with a polite nod.

“Would you quit doing that?” Ash frowned, sitting on the bench next to Lance. “You do know my name. And after everything that happened yesterday, you’d think we were past these formalities!”

Lance stiffened slightly, and Ash knew he’d hit the mark. “I apologize.”

“What?” Of all the things Ash had been expecting, that was not it.

“I should not have intruded upon your privacy. Forgive me.” Lance wouldn’t meet his eyes, and that made Ash frown more.

“There’s nothing to forgive!” Ash burst out. “I feel a lot better now!”

“I’m glad.” Lance folded his newspaper, stood. Something cold and hard slid into the pit of Ash’s stomach.

“W-Why…”

“As you are quite recovered, you have no further need of my assistance.” Lance turned to leave, and something in Ash snapped.

“Why are you always running away from me?”

“Because you do not want me.” Lance replied, quietly. “And I do not wish to impose my feelings on you.”

“Damn it, Lance, you aren’t imposing anything! I like you! Scratch that, I love you! You heard what I said yesterday! Do you still hate me that much?”

“Hate you?” Lance’s voice was hollow. “I never hated you. I only hated myself for loving you, for forcing my love upon you. That is all.”

“But you’re not forcing anything!” Ash protested. “I love you back! And I want to love you, and keep loving you, and… stay together.” He finished, lamely.

“Do you?” Lance asked, frowning. “As in, only the two of us?”

“Only the two of us.” Ash agreed.

For a split second, Lance stared at him, and then the Dragon Master’s hands were on his shoulders and Ash winced but that was nothing because Lance was kissing him and oh Mew he had missed this so much…

And then Lance was pulling away, and he looked frightened, but Ash wasn’t going to let him run any more, so he grabbed the cords on Lance’s cloak and tugged him back down, and kissed him back, and wound his arms securely around Lance’s waist because he was never going to let go of him again, never, and finally, he felt Lance sigh and relax against him.

And it was perfect, like he was whole again.

They never did make it to that meeting.

End Fic

Started 4/14/07

Completed 4/15/07

I hate allergies and I hate being listless…and I consider cheating in a relationship to be a sin. *Shrug* Especially when Ash cheats on Lance! And NO, I will NEVER write a threesome, unless it’s Ash, Lance, and a pokemon. Definitely NOT Gary! *Shudders*

And Ash is dense. Incredibly, totally, dense, but my beta reader said he was IC… and since I was begged for a happy ending, I tried. *Eyes clock* Why do I always write my best angst in the wee hours of the morning?