Title: The Space Between Us
Author: Shadow/Phantomness
Pairing: Championshipping (Lance x Red/Ash)
Fandom: Pokémon
Theme: #8, The Space Between Us

Rating: R
Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to Nintendo and Shogakukan Comics. This non-profit, non-copyright infringing fanfiction belongs to me under international copyright laws and taking it is plagiarism. Thank you. *Phantomness bows*

Notes: <> for telepathy, ** for thoughts, italics if a pokemon talks

Warnings: AU, Shonen-ai, fanon, anti-Palletshipping, insanity, angst.

 

            “Lance…”

            The Dragon Master did not answer. How could he? According to Sabrina, he was still hidden deep inside his heart – or his mind. She had not been very clear on which, but Ash guessed heart. There was no way he would wake again. At this rate, he would die, fade away, and…

            And…

            What would happen now?

            Footsteps sounded. Ash turned around, expecting a nurse, but it was a girl he vaguely recognized. She walked past him, turned to Lance’s prone form, and said bluntly, “Lance, get the hell up.”

            Ash hardly expected him to wake, but to his surprise, golden eyes fluttered open. They focused after a moment, and the Dragon Master sighed. “You again?”

            “I’m not letting you wither away and die, love.” She smirked. “Now either I can flambé you right now or you can deal with your Father who will probably be more tolerant of your lifestyle changes than I am.”

            Lance let his head fall back down onto the pillow. “That’s not much of a choice.”

            “Well no, but its Fate. Now come on.”

            With a groan, Lance pushed himself off the bed and took her hand. They vanished in a flash of blue light, leaving Ash gaping.

            … What?

 

            < Lance… > His Father’s voice was warm in his mind, and his feathers were soft, and Lance said nothing as Lugia held him, because he had run out of words long ago. The tears ran down his cheeks, and he felt like his heart had shattered into a thousand pieces, but it didn’t really matter because….

            Why?

           

            Charlotte didn’t look – she was too polite to, though he saw the flickers of flame dripping from her eyes, and some part of his mind registered that she was crying too. Perhaps she was crying for him – perhaps for her misguided brother – or perhaps for the world, he knew not.

            It mattered little.

 

            He felt the Sword pulse beneath his skin, just waiting to be called upon, and he shivered. It was too simple.

            It would be so easy to die. So easy to fade… to let the threads curl and devour him to sleep in Sleep of Death forever…

            So easy to forget…

            No. There were other ways. Perhaps not pleasant, and perhaps not quite safe, but he did not wish for Death, and forgetting was too simple, so the only route left was not to care. And… he could do that, as long as Ash stayed away, or better yet, stayed in Gary’s arms and bothered him no more!

            He was already broken, so he might as well freeze.

 

            That night, his Father set the blocks in his mind. The next day, he returned to the Plateau and watched Ash try to apologize before running off in embarrassment.

            It was difficult, but no matter.

            He knew, intellectually, of course, that Ash and Gary were lovers, but now it no longer mattered. In fact, he felt absolutely nothing.

            It was almost… nice.

 

            He went out at night to kill the unworthy and he trained his dragon pokemon well and he spent months away, and Ash never noticed – not until Gary tumbled off the roof and broke his arm and possibly both his legs as well. Bruno went for the phone and Agatha and Lorelei fussed over him, trying to stop the bleeding, but Lance…

            Lance didn’t even seem to notice.

           

            That night, Ash went into his room. The Dragon Master glanced up from his magazine, not saying a word.

            “Gary is going to be in the hospital for a few weeks.” Ash said.

            Lance nodded.

            “I thought we could… talk about things.”

            “Talk away.”

 

            Ash frowned. “Lance, what’s wrong with you? Why are you so cold?”

            “… Cold?” Lance blinked at him. “I’m quite warm, thank you, but if you’d like, I can start a fire in the fireplace…”

            “That’s not what I meant!” Ash protested.

            Lance raised a single eyebrow and took a sip of his oolong tea. “Oh?”

            “Why don’t you care about… me?”

            “I do care about you.” Lance murmured. “You’re alive and breathing, aren’t you? That is all I am required to provide, after all, my dear Champion.”

            Somehow, the title sounded awfully like an insult.

 

            Ash clenched his fists. “Gary could have died! Don’t you care?”

            “No.” Lance said smoothly. “After all, you care enough for five people, Champion. I am certainly not required to care about Mr. Oak. Besides, should he die, it would certainly decrease the population.”

            “What?”

            “Did I say something wrong? I was merely stating a fact.” The Dragon Master said calmly. “Though the fact that you have entered my quarters at this time of night is quite… distressing.”

            As Ash watched, Lance stood, cape undulating behind him. “Perhaps the Champion needed some entertainment?”

            “L-Lance…”

            “Since his lover will be incapacitated, I can certainly imagine why he would seek me out.” Lance walked up to Ash, guided his hand between his legs, and Ash colored as he felt the head of a zipper. “Command me as you will, Champion.”

            “Wait! This wasn’t what I wanted!” Ash protested.

 

            Lance blinked oddly blank eyes at him, cocking his head to one side. “Would you prefer a female for tonight? I can call Lorelei…”

            “No! That’s not it at all, Lance! What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting so strangely?” Ash burst out.

            “You seem stressed, Champion. You are overanalyzing things.” Lance said softly. “Some pleasurable stimulation will help you relax.”

            With that, he leaned forwards and covered Ash’s lips in a kiss.

 

            Brown eyes shot open in surprise. Of course, it was hardly his first kiss, and a kiss was nothing special, but Ash felt tears welling up in his eyes as Lance kissed him. It felt nice, but…

            But did it mean anything?

            Gary had been his lover, but it was Lance who had supported him quietly, provided for him emotionally, loved him without touching him, and now it was almost as though the tables had turned! He gasped in shock as he felt Lance’s hand grasp his cock, and he cried out even as Lance began to stroke him.

            It felt really good, and it should make him happy… he came with a groan and watched as Lance took him into his mouth, cried out as stars exploded behind his eyes, and then the bed entered the equation and he was vaguely aware of tears running down his cheeks as he pistoned in and out of Lance’s body.

           

            Afterwards, he cried himself to sleep, and the next morning, woke up to find that Lance was already gone. He had left the Plateau, Lorelei mentioned, gone on one of his training trips. No telling when he would return.

            Ash went to visit Gary, but his heart was not in it, and that night, he saw Lance return, recalling Dragonite outside the doors of the Plateau before he walked in.

            The Dragon Master’s eyes dulled as soon as he entered and Ash frowned. Something tugged at the edge of his mind, but he could not yet grasp it.

            He followed Lance to the kitchenette, watched as the Dragon Master made tea and retreated to his room, and this time, he followed him.

            Again.

           

            Lance was quiet and calm, almost calmer than the previous day, but again, Ash succumbed, and woke up. This time, it was around four A.M., so Lance was still sleeping, and the Champion stared as he looked at Lance – really looked at him.

            He had always been slender, but with clothing peeled away, Ash could see the lines of his ribs. He could see the blood running down his legs, still bleeding sluggishly, and he wondered how badly he had hurt the Dragon Master last night.

            Lance had never said a word.

           

            He glanced at the man’s arms and saw the lines of scars, some fresh, and he felt ill. He wanted… what did he want?

            He was no longer sure, but somehow, as he felt tears welling up in his eyes, he almost – almost wished that Lance hadn’t changed.

            Why had Lance changed? Was it because of Gary? Ash guiltily glanced down at the sleeping figure. He knew Lance had loved him, and he had taken shameless advantage of it, but Lance was nice, and he really was too old and Gary was his age and had been more than willing…

            So he’d slept with Gary every night, and played Lance’s boyfriend during the day, and he thought he had done well.

            Now he was not so sure.

 

            After Lance had caught them together, he had said nothing, but he had gone inside, and Sabrina… yes, and then that girl had taken Lance away… but he had come back… had she done something?

            If only he knew!

            Then maybe he could make things better…

           

            He lay still for a long time, before he felt Lance stir. He faked sleep, watching as the Dragon Master untangled himself and went off to shower.

            He watched silently as Lance walked out with a towel wrapped around his hips. He watched as he sat in front of his vanity mirror and picked up his knives. But when Lance pressed the blade into his arm, he could keep silent no longer. He threw the blankets off and rushed to the Dragon Master’s side.

            “What are you doing?”

            Lance stared at him dully. “Finishing the design.”

            Design?

            As he watched, Lance made several more cuts. And now that he looked carefully, it almost did look like a pattern of interlocked scales and vines and Mew knew what else, covering the man’s arms.

            “Don’t you think they’re pretty, Champion?”

           

            No, I don’t think they’re pretty, no, I think you’re killing yourself, no, I don’t want things to be this way between us! The words all bubbled up in Ash’s mouth, but as he looked at Lance, they withered and died.

            There was nothing left, was there?

            “Why did you do this?” He whispered. “Why?”

            Lance peered at him quizzically, but he thought he saw a flash of… something before those golden orbs glazed over again.

            “The Champion… doesn’t want me?” Lance asked, and his voice was broken.

            “I…”

            Lance glanced at Ash, and Ash was startled to see tears. “Champion…” Without another word, he reached for the first-aid kit.

            Ash watched as Lance casually dabbed alcohol on the cuts, before winding the bandages up his arms. He watched as he dressed stiffly and left the room.

            Ash went to shower, feeling like an utter bastard.

 

            Another day. Another night.

            “Don’t leave me.” Ash pleaded, clutching Lance to his chest tightly. “Please don’t leave me…”

            Lance did not reply.

 

            That morning, Ash woke up to see Lance, already dressed, seated at his desk. He was writing something, and curious, the Champion slithered along the floor, wrapped in a blanket. Lance seemed wholly engrossed in the project, but as Ash reached him, he turned around.

            “Since you’re awake, Champion, here.”

            Ash blinked as he glanced at the sheet of paper. “What?”

            “Three questions in exchange for three nights. Ask wisely.”

            Ash’s sleep-fogged brain jumped to full alert status at the words. “Anything?”

            Lance nodded, and Ash took a deep breath. “Okay…”

 

            “Why are you acting this way?” Ash asked.

            Lance blinked. “Because this way it doesn’t hurt. Next question.”

            It… didn’t hurt? Lance must be lying. Ash knew he must be in pain, what with the rough sex and the tattoos, but he said nothing.

           

            “What happened when you left after… you know?” Ash colored.

            “After I discovered the Champion with Mr. Oak?” Lance half-smiled. “I went home. Father said I would not hurt any more, and he wrote the blocks into my mind.”

            Ash goggled at Lance. “You have psychic blocks in your mind?”

            “Yes. Since that is a continuation of the previous question, you still have one left. Choose wisely, Champion.”

           

            There was so much he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to know, but with this strange game there was only one real choice to make. He looked Lance squarely in the eyes and asked his last question.

            “Do you still love me?”

            Lance froze.

            Ash blinked. Why had that of all things come up? But he – he needed to know. Did the sex mean anything? Or was Lance using him just like Gary had?

            If yes, he didn’t know what he would do…

 

            What to answer? Logically, of course, the answer was no. Lance was incapable of feeling emotions after Lugia’s memory manipulation. Then again, he could answer yes, for lying was still acceptable.

            The Dragon Master felt his vision blur as he clutched at the edge of the desk for support. What to say? The truth? The lie? But was the lie really the truth? Or had things fallen too far for him to believe?

            His chest ached, and he was vaguely aware of Ash coming closer, but he could not speak – could not feel, and he screamed as he felt the blocks in his mind shatter. One question. One stupid, vital little question and everything was gone…

            Why?

 

            Ash bravely reached out to touch, and as he watched, Lance’s unseen staring seemed to snap into focus, before the Dragon Master smiled bitterly.

            “Yes.” He whispered. “Yes! And may I be damned for it!” He groped blindly for his letter opener – one quick stab and it would be over, and clean, but Ash caught his wrists and pulled him away.

            “Let me go!” Lance cried. “You have what you wanted! Are you happy now? You got what you wanted, and now, you no longer need me!”

            “That’s not true!” Ash protested.

            “Yes it is! You only wanted me to support you! You have Gary! Let him love you! Let him kiss you and caress you! Let him dry your tears and calm your heart when your fears rage! You belong to him, after all!”

            “I…”

            “You’re not mine, Ash. You never were! I was a fool to think there could have ever been anything between us! And yet, I thought…” Lance shook his head. “I can see clearly now, Champion, and I know that as long as you have him, you have no need of me. Go back to him, Champion! Leave me in peace! Or if you will not grant me peace of mind, at least let me end it myself and have eternal peace!”

            He made another lunge for his desk, and Ash pounced, pinning him onto the ground.

            “No. I won’t let you hurt yourself any more, Lance!”

           

            “You can’t stop me.” Lance said quietly, and his eyes were sad. There were tears running down his cheeks, but he paid them no heed. “You know nothing, Ash Ketchum, nothing at all.”

            “Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I can just let you die!” Ash protested.

            “Why not?” Lance retorted. “You were doing an admirable job of it for the past few months.”

            The retort stung, and Ash winced at the truth.

            Lance continued on, speaking softly, but each word cut like a knife. “If only he had not fallen. Then you would never have taken an interest in me again. I suppose tis fortune unlucky, but nevertheless… it will end.”

           

            “Why do you have to do this? You’re being such a drama queen!” Ash snapped.

            Lance almost smiled at that, before he moved so quickly that Ash couldn’t. He pinned the surprised Champion to the wall and kissed him, hard, before he brought up all his memories and shoved.

            Then he pulled away, crossed his arms, and waited.

 

            Ash wanted to scream, he wanted to cry and laugh and mourn, watching as wave after wave washed over his body, life after life, some happy, some painful, watching as Lance closed off more and more, taking his refuge in duty, watched as his heart froze and his eyes became dull glass. Watched as he broke, again and again, and suffered in silence. Watched as he cried even as he pulled the Sacred Sword from his chest. Watched as he knelt before Serebii and offered his life in exchange for peace.

            He wanted to shout, he wanted to pull Lance away, he wanted to throw his arms around him and hug him and kiss him, but he didn’t, he never did. He tossed Lance’s heart aside like a useless trinket, and ran off with Gary.

            There were tears on his cheeks as he came back to himself.

 

            Lance stood, and smiled, that odd half-smile that was blindingly beautiful, and Ash wanted to cry. He wanted to apologize, but then Lance knelt in front of him, pressing a finger to his lips, and shook his head.

            “Gary loves you.” The Dragon Master shrugged. “As much as he is able to anyways. Go to him, Ash.”

            “I…” Lance withdrew his hand, standing gracefully. Ash’s eyes widened, recognizing the scene. It couldn’t be…

            “No! You can’t! Not the Sword! You’ll die!”

            “Haven’t you learned yet, Champion?” Lance asked, and his voice was mocking. “It always ends thus. You will never change. And I… accept my fate.”

            “No!” Ash screamed. “I don’t want you to die! You can’t die! You can’t…” His voice trailed off into muffled sobs, as he rushed forwards and latched onto Lance’s body. “You can’t…”

 

            “You’re getting my suit wet.” Lance said dryly. “Besides, I know you love Gary. Why would you want me? For the sex, perhaps? It certainly wasn’t anything spectacular, but I suppose if you were desperate enough….”

            “No!”

            “Then… why?”

            “B-Because I love you…”

 

            Lance shook his head. “You don’t love me, Ash. Don’t lie. It doesn’t become a Champion.” He tried to pry the boy off, but Ash held firm.

            “Why won’t you believe me…?”

            “Because you shouldn’t love me.” Lance whispered. “Because you belong with him. Because if you loved me… you would let me die…”

            “I can’t do that!”

            “I know. You’ve always been too soft-hearted.” The Dragon Master sighed. “And that is how I know you lie, Champion. But it was nice while it lasted. At least then, I could pretend…”

            “Pretend…” Ash echoed.

            “But now, it’s over. Don’t you see, Ash? There is nothing else I can do. There is no path left for me. There is only Death…”

           

            “Death…”

            “Either way.” Lance shrugged. “I can kill him – I have enough power left for it, more than enough. It would be quick. But you love him, and I want you to be happy. So be happy with Gary, Champion. You have no need of me.”

            “That’s not true!”

            “All I ever wanted,” Lance spoke, and he was startled to notice his voice trembling, “Was for you to love me, and me alone. But it was too much to ask, wasn’t it? It’s so much easier not to feel… and now, I won’t have to. Let. Go. Of. Me.”

            Ash did not budge.

            “If you don’t,” Lance warned, “I will kill you too. It would be so easy to do. I could kiss you and then slit your throat, wouldn’t that be nice? You’d still taste sweet and pretty.” With that, he kissed Ash, and the Champion shivered.

 

            “Innocence,” Lance breathed. “Beautiful child. I’ve wanted you forever, but of course you wouldn’t know. You chose him, in any case. But in a moment, it will no longer matter.”

            Ash clung to Lance tightly, afraid. The Dragon Master kissed him again, and he sighed, before he felt a strange feeling moving through his body, almost like… life energy…

            His eyes shot open and he stared in horror as Lance collapsed against him, eyes sliding closed.

            No. No. It couldn’t be. He had tried so hard, but it – had all his efforts come to naught? Was Lance dead? But he couldn’t be dead! He couldn’t be!

            He frantically felt for a pulse, and almost cried in relief at the faintest hint. He called Nurse Joy at the General Hospital then, and for several hours, surgeons and doctors worked over him, replenishing the blood loss, pumping him full of the nutrients a body would need to sustain life.

            That night, Ash went to Gary and very quietly told him that they had to stop seeing each other. Gary threw a fit, but Ash remembered Lance and hardened his heart.

            It turned out to be not so difficult.

 

            When Lance opened his eyes the next morning and realized that he was still alive, he felt despair. He tried to move, but there was a heavy weight on him and as he focused, he discovered that Ash was clinging tightly to him in his sleep, ever so warmly, with dried tear tracks on his face.

            Why?

            Why was the boy trying so hard?

            Why wouldn’t Ash let him die in peace?

            Did he really… matter?

                       

            Ash’s eyes were bright as he woke up almost instantly, and Lance said nothing as the child clung to him and whispered words that were almost-promises, and the Dragon Master surrendered, sick of fighting. And Ash kissed him and everything else faded, and even as he tried to disconnect, to pull away, he couldn’t.

            He was caught, truly and wonderfully caught, and he laughed, high and sharp, and Ash kissed him again, and he cried.

            Because….

            He really had missed him.

 

End Fic

Completed 12/26/06

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Angst! I made myself cry so much while I was writing this fic!

Ash: *Sob*

Lance: Well, at least it ended without me committing suicide!

Phantomness: True *Yawn*