Thank goodness for plotbunnies sent to an author in dreams…

Disclaimer: I do not own pokemon; it belongs to Nintendo and Shogakukan Comics. This non-profit, non-copyright infringing fanfic belongs to me. I own my writings under international copyright laws…

Notes: <> for telepathy, ** for thoughts, italics if a pokemon talks

Ash is more rough in this fic then most of my other fiction… ah well…

Chapter 5

 

            “I thought you’d appreciate it if I cast Adaptation on you to help.”

            “Help?” Ash asked, trying very hard to keep his temper under control. “Teme! You absolute bastard! How could you?”

            “Well, it didn’t hurt you…”

            “Still!”

            “Besides,” Lance said, not looking at Ash but instead at a magnificent painting of dragons on the wall, “It helped you, didn’t it?”

            “No!”

            “Oh? You didn’t appreciate the fact that when you went against my direct orders and tried to fry an egg on the stove, it didn’t explode in your face?”

            “How did you know?”

            “Come on, come on. Even I know where everything in my kitchen is, because normally, I’m the only person who uses it. Plus, you didn’t manage to scrub all of the burnt and smoking egg off before I got back.”

            Ash scowled. “If you were a normal male, you wouldn’t have noticed!”

            “So you say... Remember, you’re a guest here at my mercy.” Lance conjoined.

            Ash’s pout deepened farther.

            “Besides, at least the egg didn’t hit _you_, right? That temperature on the stove goes up quite high…”

            “I tried to put it out!”

            “The fire? Yes, I noticed. But grease fires do not go out with water. Normally you throw salt or sand on them.”

            “Well, I’m sorry that I’m not a perfect cook like you asshole! Rub it in, why don’t you! Grr! I hate this!”

            “Spell’s worn off, I see.” Lance mused. “Well, it was interesting while it lasted.”

            “I don’t trust you!”

            “And I don’t trust you, but I’m letting you stay here. As they say, keep your friends close but your enemies closer…”

            Ash would have grabbed his sword to splice Lance in two, but then remembered he didn’t have it.

 

            “I give up! I’m going home! I don’t care what happens!” Snarling, he tried to yank the hairpin out of the nice pinned braids he had as ‘Ashley’.

            It wouldn’t budge.

            “YEOW!”

            “Oh, don’t pull your hair out like that randomly, it won’t do any good.”

            “URUSEI!”

 

            Lance finally had enough of the cursing – besides, random people dropping by might get suspicious – so he used Hypnosis.

            Ash’s eyes went blank as he quieted down, not quite asleep, but trance-like.

            “You are going to go upstairs, dry your tears, and stop cursing.” Lance said, before snapping his fingers.

            The anger in Ash’s eyes that returned as soon as the orders were followed showed that he hadn’t been completely taken in.

            Well, no matter.

 

            They ate dinner in a stony silence.

            Ash scowled through the lightly toasted string beans and roasted turkey and cranberry sauce, wondering why Lance didn’t just order a pizza. That would be so much more convenient…

            Plus, he wouldn’t have to cook.

            Cooking was so girly.

 

            “If you want dessert, you’ll have to make it yourself.”

            Ash glared. “I hate you.”

            “Yes, I believe you have already stated so numerous times.” Lance nodded. “However, I feel that it would be better if you applied yourself diligently to your current assignment. It could come in handy in the future.”

            “Can’t you speak normal English?”

 

            “I am saying that playing a girl could be useful.”

            “What? No way!”

            “As you will,” Lance said, “But no one will see you. Is that not helpful?”
            Ash glared. “And who’s going to teach me? You?”

            “You most certainly cannot do it yourself, and I highly doubt you would want to explain your situation to another female.”

            Ash glared more, and stormed off to bed.

            He did not sleep well. A nightmare of females with giant mallets chasing him woke him up screaming sometime in the morning.

            But Lance did have a point, loath, as he was to admit it.

           

            “Fine!”

            Lance looked up from where he was drinking a vile-looking blue potion. “Oh? What is it, Ashley?”

            Bristling at the name, but trying to keep his temper under control, Ash met his eyes squarely. “I’ll do it. You know, the act.”

            “All right…”

            And so the lessons began…

 

            “See? If you make certain the egg does not stick to the pan, it will not explode.” Lance said. “That requires an adequate amount of oil warmed as to slide around…”

            “What does frying an egg have to do with anything?”

            “Well, women are supposed to be able to cook… and this is a basic skill, you know.”

            Ash chewed on his lower lip as he kept both eyes on the smoking fry pan, clad in a pink frilly apron. Shame.

            This had better come in handy later…

            The flame was turned on low, so no wildfires would sprout this time. Lance had also showed him that the baking powder was clearly labeled, as was the salt, in case flames threatened again.

            He did not want to remodel.

 

            “Say, why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

            Lance raised an eyebrow. “What brought about this sudden foray into my private life, and why is this relevant to what we are currently occupied with?”

            “Well, the hostage situation is great for extracting concessions!”

            “I thought you were a Messenger, not a warrior.”

            “I was a fighter once!” Ash declared. “I was one of the best pokemon trainers of my time, they called me the Shadow Master… But then they sealed me, so I became a mere Messenger, it’s not fair!”

            “Ah…”

            “And you?”

            “I’m still Dragon Master, this power does not fade with death.” Lance said simply. “And no, even if I had someone dear to my heart, would I tell my enemy and give him a clear advantage?”

            Ash put his hands on his hips. “Why not?”

            “Do not think lightly of my skill, Shadow messenger.” Lance said, as he walked outside, like a shadow himself.

 

End Chapter

Completed 7/21/04