*Cackles* So! Phantomness was asked to do a Pokemon Special-verse Version of ‘How to Catch a Star’. Who am I to deny plotbunnies? ^^

This fic was written to celebrate Phantomness’s 151-first posted fic! YAY!

 

*Fic dedicated to Darkest Evil since she suggested it*!

Disclaimer: Phantomness still does not own pokemon, though it has been two years since she wrote the last installment of this. Maybe someday I’ll win the lottery and be able to buy pokemon…

Notes: <> for telepathy, ** for some thoughts, italics when pokemon babble on

Manga-verse Championshipping (Red x Lance), also references many, many other pairings mentioned… Yellow-bashing!

Genre: Humor, Romance

Timeline: Post-book 3, Pre-book 4

Title: How to Catch a Star – Pokemon Special Edition

 

Step 1: First, identify the problem

 

Lance sighed as he wrapped his cloak more tightly about his body. It was cold on Cerise Island. In fact, the temperature could be nearing Absolute Zero if not for the lava bubbling beneath the surface. However, the cold wasn’t exactly what was bothering him.

“Is something wrong, Lance?” Lorelei asked. “You’ve been moping for hours. I do realize that the cave atmosphere leaves quite a bit to be desired, but…”

“It’s not that, Lorelei.”

“Are you sick, then? Maybe you’ve caught something.”

“I don’t know…”

Lorelei frowned. Something was wrong, but what? “This isn’t like you, Lance. If I didn't know better, I’d say you were… er… never mind.”

Lance blinked. “So you don’t think I’m sick?”

“Not really, no… wait a minute. I’ll be back.”

Lance shrugged as Lorelei took off into the cavern maze…

 

Step 2: You may need to consult a female to identify the symptoms

 

“Are you sure about this, Lorelei?” Agatha frowned.

“Well, unless he’s PMSing, which I highly doubt, it’s got to be this!”

“But who do you think…?”

“Well, he wasn’t stammering and blushing when I talked to him, and I doubt it’s you, because of the er- age difference, and if it isn’t me either. You think… Bruno?”

Agatha gagged. “Oh, I hope not.”

Bruno stared dazedly at a wall. He was still under Agatha’s mind-control after all.

“We’ll need to tell him then.”

“Indeed.” Lorelei got up. “How do you want to break the news, Agatha?”

“Well…” They headed off to find Lance.

 

Step 3: And the result is… I’m in love?

 

“What?” Lance nearly fell off his perch. “You’re saying…?”

“I can’t think of anything else, Lance.” Agatha said with a leer. “The evidence points towards the fact that you’ve fallen in love.”

“It makes sense. And we don’t think you’re PMSing.” Lorelei said hopefully.

“Well, no. I’m just kind of… distracted.”

“That’s love all right!”

 

Step 4: And next, we identify the culprit… er, the crush

“Now, the question is who.” Lorelei smiled. “It’s not me, is it? I’d be flattered, really, but I’m not into you, I’m afraid.”

Lance laughed. “No, it’s not you, Lorelei. So you think I feel … off, as in, I’m acting out of character because I’m in love?”

“Certainly.” Agatha coughed. “Er… now, I have nothing against alternate lifestyles, and you’d be good for Bruno, but…”

She broke off, as Lance turned a virulent blue. “Never mind.”

“Wait, so who do you like? Is it someone we know? Clair, maybe?”

“She is my little cousin you know.” Lance shrugged. “Don’t like her in that way.”

“Giovanni?”

“Lugia forbid, no!” Lance gagged. “Where did you get that idea?”

“What about Bill the researcher? I’ve heard he likes Dragonites.”

“Not in this dimension, no, and I don’t even know him. If anyone should be with Bill, it’d be Bruno, since they fight – or they will, in a few books.”

“Well… are you in love with your pokemon?”

“… My pokemon?” Lance’s golden eyes widened to an almost impossible size. “Er… I’m not really into that, either…”

“How about that weird girl that uses dark pokemon we met in Johto?”

“Karen? Sorry, this isn’t game-verse.”

“Perhaps he’s attracted to someone else who has the Viridian Power!” Lorelei snapped her fingers.

Lance was starting to turn blue again. “Lance?”

“Don’t mention it…” Lance coughed. “That would be like cradle-robbing… eew… I’m not that much of a pedophile!”

“So…?” Lorelei prompted.

Lance sighed. “You’re not going to give me any peace until I tell you, are you?”

Agatha cackled. “I doubt it.”

“Fine. I think – mind you, this is only speculation, I have a crush on Red.”

“Red’s cute.” Lorelei smiled. “Don’t worry about a thing! I’m sure that you’ll make a great couple!”

She and Agatha raced off to plot while Lance blinked.

 

Step 5: Don’t accept help from the other Elite Four

 

Lance choked when Lorelei and Agatha returned in a few hours with Red frozen as an ice statue. “… What’s this?”

“Consider it an early birthday present.” Agatha said helpfully.

“Agatha! This wasn’t what I wanted!”

“Sorry.” They said unrepentantly, with sly winks and snickers before they left.

Lance sighed.

 

Step 6: Defrosting is a good thing. Really.

 

“Kairyuu, Fire Blast, low temperature…”

Dragonite could not stop his laughter as he blew out a steady stream of flame, watching Red’s skin lose its blue tint as the ice slowly defrosted. Lance noted with some unease that one poke ball was missing…

If he only had five, which one had escaped?

Red panicked initially when he found that his eyes couldn’t open. “Help!”

“Shh, I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“Who are you?”

“A friend.” Lance said. That was cryptic enough.

“What’s wrong with my eyes? Why can’t I see?” Red reached for his belt, frowned when he brushed against an empty space. “Pika’s missing!”

So he had lost his Pikachu. No matter, he’d be able to find it easily enough. “Don’t worry.” He carefully eased Red into a sitting position in the cavern.

Red frowned. “Why are you helping me?”

“That is for you to discover later. I’ll be back. Please just rest now.”

Red nodded. He was wobbly, his legs refused to obey him, and he was tired… sleep sounded good, so he closed his eyes…

Never mind the soaked clothing…

 

Step 7: Electric Mice specialize in misunderstandings

 

“Pikachu, Megavolt!”

This day, Lance decided, really, really sucked. He’d been trying to persuade Pikachu to follow him since he knew where Red was, and then this kid came out and…

He felt Aerodactyl sweep him away, felt them following, but he didn’t care…

How on earth did the electric mouse have that type of power? His eyesight was beginning to blur, and Ptera nearly crashed as they swooped in the cavern.

Red blinked as he watched Lance fall off his Aerodactyl. That had to hurt. “Are you all right?”

 

Step 8: But if you can get your secret love to play nurse and patch you up afterwards…

 

Lance blearily blinked at Red, who started to feel him up, trying to find if anything was broken. Luckily, nothing was.

He had to work to keep from smirking as Red finally stilled his motions and realized what he had been doing, er, what it seemed like he had been doing.

“Oh! I’m sorry! I just needed to check if you were all right!”

“I feel dizzy,” Lance murmured, and as Red leaned over to feel his temperature, he ‘accidentally’ sat up too quickly…

 

Step 9: It’s worth it!

 

Red colored brightly, eeped, and then shook his head to drive away hormonal thoughts as Lance hid another smile.

Kawaii.

After fifteen minutes, Lance felt the headache ebb away thanks to some discreet Viridian Power and smiled at Red. “I’m fine now. Thank you.”

Red colored again, resembling his name…

 

Step 10: Unfortunately, interruptions do exist…

 

“Pikachu, Thunderbolt!”

“Not again…” Lance barely dodged this strike. The stupid girl and the Pikachu was back…

“Pika!” Red ran to his pikachu. “You’re all right!”

Lance glared at the Pikachu, who glared back.

From now on, it is war between us! Pikachu shouted.

“I’ll agree to that.’ Lance smirked. “Jealous much?”

Pikachu hissed and attempted to shock him again.

“Pika! Don’t’ be like that! He saved my life!”

Pikachu continued to glare…

 

Step 11: Therefore, eliminate opposition

 

“Why don’t I show you this lovely spot here?” Lance asked, leading Yellow up to the surface and over the rim of a mountain…

“It is lovely…” Yellow breathed, looking out over the scenery, into the ocean and the horizon…

One quick shove later, the interruption was gone. Lance smiled and walked down the path from the very much active volcano, whistling the Pokemon League anthem cheerfully. It was quick at least.

 

Step 12: … And now, the subtle approach

 

“Red?”

“Um, yes, Lance?” They had eaten dinner alone – Dragonite had flown them to Vermillion, despite Pikachu’s protests, and now they were stargazing in a field.

“Aren’t the stars beautiful tonight?”

Silver and white glitters spangled across a tapestry of midnight velvet. Red nodded. Like diamonds, almost….

“They’re really nice. Um, thanks for dinner.”

“It’s nothing.”
”But it is important! You saved me from that ice trap!”

“Oh! You’re still wearing those clothes? Isn’t that uncomfortable?” Lance finally noticed Red’s wet state.

Red colored. “It-it’s nothing!”

“Oh?”

“Yes! I’m fine!” Red said much too quickly, as Lance made a move to remove said garments, Red squeaked. So Lance stopped…

Perhaps this wasn’t working too badly after all…

 

Step 13: The slightly less subtle approach is next

 

“Do you need help?”
Red, despite his drenched state, managed to shake his head. Lance sighed.

It seemed that if he wanted to make his intentions clear, he ought to be a bit more obvious…

Pikachu glared after Lance’s retreating figure. Why can’t I fry him?

“Pika! He saved my life!”

And isn’t he taking advantage of it.

“Huh?”

You don’t understand what he’s doing?

“He didn’t want me to catch a cold so he told me to change, why? And since we’re both guys, it doesn’t matter, right?”

You-!

Red shrugged as he changed into a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Pikachu sweatdropped.

 

Step 14: A little nudge in the right direction…

 

“Lance, you’re taking me out to dinner again? But you just took me two days ago!”

“You don’t’ want to face Agatha’s cooking tonight, do you?”
”Er… point taken.”

“Dress nice.” Lance said, leaving Red to ponder why.

So he did. He dressed nicely in black slacks and a white shirt, the only nice clothes he had, and then Lance took him out to eat. The food was really, really expensive, but it tasted good….

He didn’t’ bother to ponder the cost though, since Lance paid for both of them. Afterwards, though, he felt slightly dizzy. Hmm… maybe he shouldn’t have drunk any of that champagne….

He was feeling hot…

“Lance? I’m dizzy…” He whispered.

Lance smirked inwardly as he gently brushed his lips against Red’s. Red’s eyes closed and he fell asleep almost instantly afterwards.

This isn’t that hard…

 

Step 15: And two steps back

 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I don’t know what was going on! I promise I’ll never drink alcohol again!”

Lance tried to stop Red’s apologies, but the younger teen was freaking out. This was not good! “I’m not angry-.”

“I know! You’re disgusted with me, aren’t you? I’m so sorry, really!”

This was not good.

Hmm… there had to be some way to fix this…

 

Step 16: The definition of ‘help’ is relative

 

“You should have just taken advantage while he was … oh, you’ve wasted all our efforts.” Lorelei sighed.

“I don’t do rape, Lorelei.”

“Heavens no! Still, he wouldn’t have known who you were!”

“Does it make any difference?”

“It does if our plan is still going through, doesn’t it?”

“Well…”

“See what I mean? You wasted your chance.”

Lance left the cavern in disarray, wondering….

 

Step 17: World Domination Plans may hinder your love life, especially if your opposition doesn’t stay dead…

 

“Pikachu, Megavolt!”

“… My dream…”

Lava is hot.

Now how do I get out of this mess?

Sigh, let’s bring up the giant bubble again… and I’ll need a few days to plot my next move. Damn you, Yellow!

 

Step 18: However, amnesia is a useful tactic

 

“Red?”

“He’s awake!”

“I don’t know why you had to save him, Red.”
”He didn’t kill you, did he?”

“No, but!”

“Besides, you ran off with my Pikachu!”

“… Red?”

“Lance… I’m glad you’re alive.”

“Lance? Is that my name?”

“… I think that Megavolt did something to his brains, Red.”

“You think?”

“I’m sure.” Blue said sarcastically. Red looked at Lance, and frowned. What to do now?

 

Step 19: Don’t give him any breathing space

 

“Lance, I can’t breathe!”

Lance glomped onto Red tighter.

Blue and Green exchanged wary looks.

“Mmph!”

“I didn’t see anything.”

“Neither did I, Blue. Shall we leave the two lovebirds alone now?”

“Yes, let’s.”

“Lance, let go!”

“You know, Blue, I think there’s something Red forgot to tell us.”

“Odd, I was just thinking that myself.”

“HELP! Ack! Let go of me!”

 

Step 20: Relatives are often no help

 

“So let me get this straight. You’re pretending to have amnesia?”

Lance nodded.

His great-grandfather frowned. “He’s not a dragon child, Lance.”

“Don’t tell me you want me to marry Clair to carry on the bloodline!”

“It was just… it’s for the best, Lance.”
”Forget it!”

The Dragon Master left the cave in a huff.

 

Step 21: However, if help comes from an unlikely source…

 

So you’re having problems mating him?

“Not exactly, Kairyuu.”

Dragonite huffed. That’s what it seems like.

“… You think that I’ll be in a better mood if I get laid?”

Precisely!

“You know, I am supposed to have amnesia right now.”

So? You’re obviously still attracted to him…

“Much to Yellow’s displeasure.”

It’ll work perfectly!

“… What will?”

Here!

Lance stared as Dragonite shoved a paper covered with draconic scribbles into his hand. “What is this?”

 

Step 22: It might actually work!

 

“Red!”

“Eek!” Red tried to pry Lance off, but it wasn’t quite working. “What are you doing?”

“Red…” Lance did his best imitation of a dreamy, love struck voice, which worked, but sounded plain odd coming from him. “Will you marry me?”

Red’s eyes rolled up in the back of his head and he fainted.

 

Step 23: Then again, it might not…

 

“That’s the last time I listen to one of your brilliant ideas, Kairyuu.”

Sorry! I thought… obviously I need some lessons in human courtship.

“You’re not the only one….”

 

Step 24: Perhaps a stab at traditional courtship would help

 

“So.”

“Do you like them?”

“Er… the roses are pretty, and I like chocolates, but why did you get me this?”

“…”

“Thanks anyways, Lance. Want a chocolate, Pika?”

Argh. The gifts are for you, not the rat! Lance tried hard not to twitch as Pika smiled evilly at him.

I swear it’s the bloody rat’s fault this isn’t working…

Red smiled as he put the roses in a vase with some water. They were pretty, dark red, and matched his eyes.

“Today is Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?”

Lance sighed. * Red, you are very, very oblivious… *

 

Step 25: … Fine. Back to the romantic dinners

“I thought you didn’t have a job right now. Where are you getting the money to take me out to dinner every night?”

“Hmm?” Lance looked up from the menu.

“Never mind. I really like this.” Red went back to his ice cream sundae.

Lance gave him an innocent look while sirens wailed in the distance…

 

Step 26: There will come a point when the importance of being earnest cannot be underestimated

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you were in love with him!”

“Hmm?”

“You two live together, you eat out every night, you cuddle up to him, and I bet you’ve even kissed!”

“Hey, my private life is my own business, Yellow!”

“You mean you do love him?”

“What? I didn’t say that!”

“Then why won’t you go out with me?”

“It wouldn’t be… fair?”

“… Red, you really are dense.”

 

Step 27: So you finally confront him about your feelings

“Lance?”

“Yes?”

“Do you like me?”

“It wasn’t clear?”

“Er! Not that! Do you love me? Oh that sounded stupid…”

“Mm, I think not.”

“Why not- ah! Don’t do that!”

“Don’t do what, Red?”

“Don’t kiss me unless you mean it!”

“What if I do mean it, Red?”

“… Um…”

 

Step 28: Just remember, it will all pay off in the end

 

“Yes?”

“I…I… you…”

“Come on…”

“Fine! I think I am in love with you! Happy now?”

“Happy.” Lance smirked as he glomped Red.

Pika glared at Dragonite.

Dragonite shrugged and then started throwing confetti.

“Kairyuu! We’d like some privacy now!”

Fine, fine!

 

END FIC

Completed 6/1/05

*Gives out hugs*

Lance: I’m going to kill you…

Phantomness: Why? I’m sorry this one wasn’t humorous much.

Red: ^^()

Phantomness *runs offstage, followed by Lance and Red*

Well, I liked it! Hope you do too! And now that I have a job on top of summer school, updates will be a lot less frequent, kk?