This plotbunny is being stubborn isn’t it?
Started 7/18/04
*Gathering bunnies in a field of carrots*
Lance: …
Ash: …
Phantomness: I know neither of you is happy with this. Hold on, I’m trying my best!
Disclaimer/Notes: See a previous chapter
Chapter 6: There are no happy endings
What to do? What to do? It made four times now that that had happened, and it wasn’t making him feel any more comfortable.
Maybe his Chosen didn’t understand that tumbling around in bed for a few hours was not love.
Master Red liked being held.
He would hold the boy afterwards, and the boy would pet him and run his fingers through his hair and say how pretty he was…
But was that love?
Still, it didn’t hurt; really… it hadn’t hurt after the first time… so maybe he could deal with it.
In any case, he wouldn’t fight Master Red off.
It wasn’t exactly _bad_, just… odd. Was that love?
It did feel warm though, and that was different, because he was a cold guardian, icy in looks and actions.
Until… what if he _melted_?
But even if it wasn’t love, he couldn’t contradict his owner.
Owned…
Yes, that’s how I feel now…
I can’t wait to be free, but is freedom possible now?
Seals of magic now locked him, no key in sight.
Trapped.
That day, his moonlight began to fade.
But I won’t die. Guardians can’t die.
You want love and loyalty, Chosen. Unfortunately, I cannot give you my love, but you shall have my loyalty, and my life, if you desire.
After all…
I _am_ your guardian no matter what comes, hell or high water or… well, it is no matter. My life is not my own in any case.
I’ll protect you forever.
And if this is what you want, you shall have me.
As it turned out, Cypress had miscalculated. Badly.
< I proclaim you the Master of the Houen Cards, Chosen... >
He smiled brightly, expecting something to occur.
Something _did_ happen, just not what he particularly wanted or just expected.
Ash’s eyes widened in a silent scream as Lance just… faded for lack of a better word. Fingers went through the form and then, nothingness.
“What happened?” Cypress demanded as soon as he broke out of paralysis. “I thought you loved him!”
“I did – I still do! I don’t know!”
But a little niggling fear began to grow in his mind.
Still…
He waited, and within a few minutes Lance was back, silent as usual, wings spread behind him.
“Lance, what were you?”
< Gomen nasai, Chosen. I had to report my completed mission to Clow-sama before I could return. >
“Well, that’s all right.” Ash smiled.
Lance stayed silent.
And the fear was silenced as well, for now.
You can’t leave! You’re all I have!
You’re my
world and my life and my all, and you love me, I know it! So don’t leave, you
can’t leave!
I need you!
You’re all I have…
I want you, I need you, I can’t live without you and we know that, so you won’t leave, right? Right?
Hysteria was quickly dampened though.
Lance _wouldn’t_ leave, he _couldn’t_, right? So now he’s mine and he’ll stay with me forever, right?
He’s so pretty.
“Lance? Do you love me?”
< You are asking me this now, Chosen? Why? >
“Because we’ll be together forever now, right?”
< Hai, Chosen. I shall never leave you. >
He even managed to hide the pain in his voice.
Why did it matter, really?
My life isn’t mine… as long as he is happy… he will take good care of the cards… that is what matters…
I’ll do my duty, Clow-sama. I’ll stay here with him and protect him.
After all, that was what I was created for, right?
There was nothing else to do.
He sat placidly, facing his Chosen.
The boy smiled.
It was a nice smile, but he didn’t love it.
The sunlight glinted off his silver adornments, and those were pretty, but he didn’t love them either.
I don’t think I love anything.
I think… I hate him. Do I? If I know what love is, do I know what hate is? He’s not trying to hurt me…
But I shouldn’t! He’s my Chosen, and I have to give my life for him – everything for him, and yet…
I will…
But I wouldn’t do it if I had the chance to leave.
Hate… love… nothing at all… do I not feel because I’m a guardian?
He watched the sun.
I don’t like sunlight; moonlight is so much prettier…
Darkness and blood and… yes, maybe I just need some more darkness… and then I’ll feel better.
He left Ash fast asleep – Hypnosis still worked, luckily – and flew out.
He returned feeling much better.
Sticky red clung to his aura, but soon was wiped out by black and white.
Black and white made gray, right, because nothing was perfect. Nothing! But he did love the darkness…
It was one thing to call his...
Because the darkness wove around him and surrounded him and _was_ part of him in any case, and he did love the dark, if nothing else.
What was love in any case?
He idly examined the pretty silver bells that dangled from the white tails of his robe, and smiled.
Cute.
Was it pretty things?
Master Red was certainly pretty enough, yes; his Chosen was a pretty, delicate little one…
So I can’t take the risk of hurting him.
Is _that_ love then? Not wanting to hurt someone?
In any case, he kept watch as the boy slept while he licked the blood from earlier hunting off his fingers.
I am still a guardian of darkness. But I’ll use the dark to protect him.
End Chapter
Completed 7/19/04